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Which Need First? The Strategic Way to Heal a Neglected Relationship · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for July 15, 2026 Which needs first?
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  The strategic way to heal a neglected relationship If you have both validated
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  each other's top needs, now what?
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  Meeting those needs will probably take some time and effort.
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  You may have to make some life changes to do some of what is needed,
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  and that can be slow going.
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  Beyond that, you both feel empty and neglected, and you both need change now.
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  Imagine you were both injured. Say you were hiking, and you both fell down a steep shale hill.
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  You both have some significant cuts. You have a good first aid kit and have been trained for this.
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  The way to deal with this situation is for one of you to do a quick patch job
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  on the other to stop the bleeding.
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  Then the one who has been patched up works on the other, cleaning wounds well,
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  doing stitches as needed, and applying antiseptic and bandages.
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  When that is done, the spouse who has just been treated goes back to the patch
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  up they did and does a proper job.
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  I will give you an example where one spouse is hurting over a lack of sex,
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  as this is a common issue.
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  While this is usually the man, increasingly, it's the woman who complains about
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  this The patch-up is done on sex Find a way to give the one who wants more some
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  form of sex at least every three days,
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  The spouse who is less interested gets to decide when and how With this done,
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  the patched-up spouse works to give the other something they need Not a halfway
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  job They work on it until the need is met both well and regularly,
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  Then, and only then, do you get back to working on sex.
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  There are a couple of reasons for doing it this way. A temporary patch-up in
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  this area can go a long way to helping the one frustrated about sex.
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  It also gives them hope for something better later and motivates them to work
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  on what their spouse needs.
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  Beyond that, you can't make sex what it should be when you have problems with
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  communication or many of the other things on the list.
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  Really fixing sex has to be last, so a patch job first is required.
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  The process is the same if sex is not a top issue for either spouse.
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  What need can a halfway job make significantly better? What need has to be met
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  to really take care of another need?
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  This is Paul reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.