Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 110. Healing the Mean Girl in your Head 🗣❤

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110. Healing the Mean Girl in your Head 🗣❤ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self Hi.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Welcome that She Rises is Ashley and Tiana.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is all about healing the mean girl in
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: your head.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: We're talking about the inner critic, that little voice that
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: says you're not good enough, you can't do that, you're dumb,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: you're fat, you're ugly, all the things that pops in
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: when you're doubting yourself, when you're facing a new challenge,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: when you're entering a new chapter, when you're leaving a relationship,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: when all the hard stuff happens, that inner critic wants
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: to come in and try and sabotage you. So you're
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: gonna debunk her today.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: We are, and we're also going to share with you
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: some reparenting practices and things like that that we use
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: in the way that we kind of heal our inner,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: mean girl, and how you can.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: To But first share of the week, I go first,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: What have you got?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: All right? This is from a page that I've recently
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: started following. His name is Chris Duncan's. This is a
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: post he did. I just loved it. He said, I
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: love self aware people like Yes, Please tell me about
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: the patterns you've outgrown and the mistakes you'll never repeat.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Tell me about the painful lessons that took you years
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: to learn, about the parts of you that show up
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: when you're afraid, and the little quirks no one else
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: knows about. I don't care how perfect you look on paper.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I care how honest you are with yourself when no
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: one's watching. That's the kind of soul I'll sit with
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: for hours. That's the kind of heart that I trust. Wow,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: can you please send that to me? Yeah? Isn't it incredible?
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It's like Wow, so single word hit so deep.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I know, I loved it.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: It's so true.
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  Speaker 3: Something about somebody who can take responsibility, who can be
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: honest with themselves, isn't scared to be vulnerable, is so
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: safe And.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I just feel like, I know we talk about it
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: a lot, So sorry for repeating ourselves, but within our friendship,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: it's been so healing for us to talk about our flaws,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: our sides of ourselves that society has deemed as wrong
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: or mean or too much or anything like that. The
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: fact that we can bring that forward in our friendship
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: and be like, oh my gosh, me too. I used
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: to be like that as well. It's been so healing.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And we want all of you to be able to
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: bring everything forward and know that you're you're no less
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: of because you have those traits. We all have all
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: those traits. We all have every part of it. The passive, aggressive,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: the bitchy, the brady, the loud, the opinionated, the wanting
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: to have a tantrum.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: The selfish at the jealousy.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: All of us have all of it. You can sit
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: on your high horse and say that you're not any
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: of that, but you do.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: We are everything.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: The more you suppress it, the more it's going to
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: come out in unhealthy ways. So it's just been really
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: healing for me. Reading that. I'm like, yeah, that's the
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: kind of people I want to hang with. I don't
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: want to hang with people that pretend they're perfect and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: they've got no childhood trauma and they haven't had to
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: work on anything and nothing bothers them. Yeah, like, no,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: show me the real you take that fucking mask off.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I don't want to see that mask. I want to
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: see you raw, vulnerable, open. Give it to me because
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I can hold it. And I love you for it,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: you know, even more for it, even more.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Because you can't love them when they're not being authentic?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: No, because who are they?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah it's hard, Robot, Yeah it's true.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: What's your share of the week?
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: My share of the week is just something that I
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: saw on Instagram. It's a bit of a quote and
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: I just thought it was really cool. Yeah it says,
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: But girl, how silly of you to forget. What a
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: gift it is to feel discomfort as a sign of
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: growth on the path of your own choosing. What a
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: bold move it is to trust yourself when doubt is loud.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: What a breakthrough it is to finally see fear as
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: a signal, not as a stop sign. And what a
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: beautiful rebellion it is to choose rest in a world
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: that glorifies exhaustion. Sometimes it's just the little thing that
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: you need to just push you over the edge, or
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: to just remind you of how you feel is valid,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: that if you're feeling fear, it's okay. That if you
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: feel resistance, you don't need to stop. You can keep going.
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  Speaker 3: And sometimes you just need a little bit of words
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: of encouragement to help get you there. And especially if
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: you can't and haven't yet been able to cultivate that
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: for yourself where you can coach yourself, sometimes all you
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: need is a quote and you're.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, I'm good for the day.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to die.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I'm okay, And that's the best.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: And that's all about what we're going to be talking
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: about today as well, is healing the mean girl in
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: your head?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, So what do we mean by a mean girl?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: We all have her. She's that little voice inside your head,
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  Speaker 1: like I said at the start, that creeps on in
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: whenever you're facing something new, challenging, disheartening, and she comes
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  Speaker 1: in and she just tells you that you can't do it,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: that you're not enough worthy of it. Even at things
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: other people have said, that mean girl will come in
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  Speaker 1: and say, oh, but remember they said this, that's true,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: and it will keep you in fear, and it will
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: keep you held back and keep you in a safe zone.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: But I promise you, if you stay in that safe zone,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: you listen to that mean girl in a critic, you
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: will never progress forward. You will never live a life
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: that feels fully aligned, fully alive, fully authentically you. You will
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: feel dead inside. You need to be progressing forward. And
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I think the more that you not ignore the mean girl,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: because she's always going to be there, and sometimes she's
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: there to try to protect you as well, get confusing
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  Speaker 1: sometimes with your intuition and the mean girl. But the
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: more you go hang on a second that's not true,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: and push through and have evidence of taking chances okay,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: and taking risks and being brave and trying new things
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: and pushing yourself. The more evidence you get of that,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: more confidence you get within yourself and to trust your
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: own intuition and push past your boundaries and show yourself
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: what you're capable of. But she does pop in, especially
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: when times are hard, and you.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Know what's interesting is that sometimes we're not even aware
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: that she's there. No, I want you to pay attention
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: right now to the voice, your internal dialogue, right now,
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: your internal dialogue that is saying and listening to the
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: words that I'm saying but in your own head, in
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: your own voice. Right, it's listening and paying attention to
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: that voice that in a chatter that is there twenty
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: four to seven.
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  Speaker 2: You never get a break from it.
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  Speaker 3: She never stops, She never stops, and she's so persistent.
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  Speaker 3: And when you aren't aware of the tone, the language,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: the way in which you speak to yourself, we become
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: unaware of the person we spend the most time with,
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: which is ourselves, you know. And it really like where
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: does it stem from? Like not even just a mean girl,
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: but the internal dialogue is an accumulation of your conditioning
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: and the way that you were raised. Right, whatever you
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: were exposed to growing up, your mom, your dad, a
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: parental figure, the way that they then spoke to you
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  Speaker 3: becomes your internal.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Dialogue quescition in that first seven or eight years, that's.
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  Speaker 3: Right, you're like on the imprint stage when you're the
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: most absorbing all of that energy and you're like a sponge.
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  Speaker 3: You are taking on every single thing that you learn
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  Speaker 3: and hear and the things that people say to you. So, yes,
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: we curate this in a mean girl, but it also
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: our internal dialogue becomes the mean girl because we are
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: taking on other people's projections and nasty things and comments.
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  Speaker 3: But we then learn how to talk to ourselves in
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  Speaker 3: that way because we shape our internal dialogue as all
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: of these voices that weren't originally ours. And I think
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: that's the biggest part of this is actually having to
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: unlearn all of that.
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  Speaker 1: That's hard. It is hard because I bet a lot
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: of you might be listening and saying, well, that's all
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  Speaker 1: great and well, but I've still got this inner critic
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  Speaker 1: who takes over, who grabs the steering wheel and is
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  Speaker 1: the driver of my life. How do I quieten her
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  Speaker 1: or how do I just move it to the side
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: and take control. Love affirmations don't get me wrong, for
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: me personally anyway, sitting in front of a mirror and
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: telling myself all these positive affirmations just doesn't quite work
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: for me. I think there's this like bridging phase that
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: you go through. It's like you've got that inner critic
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: saying you're fat, you're ugly, you're dumb, you can't do anything.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: You can't just switch to be like, you're amazing, you're beautiful,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I fucking love you, you can do anything in the world.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Is a believer.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: It's like you're lying to yourself.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: It does feel like you're lying to yourself. So the
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: way I kind of worked through this was like just
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: trying to find a neutral middle. So it's like, when
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I hear those things, I'm like, OK, take some big breaths,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: just get calm and quite like I can hear them.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: They're not true. I'm not going to lean into that.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: It's going to be neutral about it. And the more
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: that I can calm and soften my breath and my
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: body and connect back to myself, it didn't take over.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: And I found going through that process I could then
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: lean more onto creating new stories, new positive chat. It's
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: like rewiring your brain. Hey, but yeah, to flip from
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: one to the other, I just don't think that's the
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: best way to go about. I think there's this middle
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: ground that you've got to go through.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Those moments when you are there. You're not trying to
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: change it, no kind of get rid of it.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: She's there, Yeah, so you just are sitting with it.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just sitting with her, like acknowledging that she's there,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I think she's been there to try to
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: protect me because it might be scary. The next move
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to take So I'm like, thank you for
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: being there, But I don't think that's quite true, or
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: maybe I don't want to believe that anymore. So just
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: sit with it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So instead of sitting with it, letting it be there
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: and being like, oh, oh my god, this is so wrong.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: Even if you're out in the oh my god, and
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: then you try it yourself for it, I'll be like,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I got to fix this.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, I won't take the chance and call you.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Listen, you hold space for it, you allow it to
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: be there.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: It dissolves. Yeah. Yeah, the more you can allow space
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: for it to just be there, she quins, yeah, she
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: sits down.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: She sits down.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: But I think the more that you try to resist something,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: the more it persists. So when I try and fight
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: against her, it just like got bigger and louder and
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: too much. And then I'd step back and be like, hey,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: you win. I'm not going to do it. I give up.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: It's too scary. Yeah, So just like sitting with it,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I think it's the first step. Just like allowing her
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to take a step back, and it gets you to
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: get back in the driver's scene can take a passage
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: of speak what about you. How did you find the
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: transition of not letting her rule your life? I think
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I did for a really long time.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we all had like growing up, and
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: even I think it's only taken me doing personal development
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: work to really learn how to quiet her. But for
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: a really long time, I was my own worst enemy,
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: like my innerman girl. There's nothing, even with the video,
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: even with things I've been through, even being bullied as
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: a child, like, there's nothing that anyone could have said
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: that was nastier than what I was saying to myself,
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: because I was an absolute bitch.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: And it's just the things that you learn along the way.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Someone says one thing and you take on that belief
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, that's your new narrative about yourself. Yeah,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: And so I think for the longest time, I was
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: so nasty to myself that I was my own worst
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: inner critic.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Like I would shame myself if I did something that
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: stepped out of line. Immediately I was the worst person ever,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: and I would punish myself for it.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: And so not only did I feel terrible about myself,
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: I would punish myself for it and make it feel
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: ten times heavier.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: But then why don't do that to ourselves? Why doesn't
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: make it worse?
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Honestly, I think we just get stuck in a loop.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: I think when you start to shame yourself and you
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: don't realize that you can have control over shame and
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: you can turn it off like a switch, which is
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: a whole lot of conversation. You're so in the feeling
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: of shame and it's such a heavy frequency. Yes, when
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: you feel those ways about yourself, I think you feel
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: like you deserve to feel it's.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'd never speak to our best friend like that.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Why don't we It's okay to make ourselves feel worse
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and what we already feel.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: There's no way I would ever say any of those
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: things to you. But it was like self punishment. Yeah,
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: it was like, oh, but you did this wrong, or
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: you fucked up here, I've made a mistake, so you
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: deserve the punishment.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Now you don't deserve to be happy. Yeah, this thing.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: And I think when you become addicted to suffering in
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: that sense, Yeah, you don't know any different because everything
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: always never works out for you. Yeah, create stories around it.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: You're just not capable.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: You're not good enough. You know, you always.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Back out, You always start something then you don't finish it,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: or you don't have the knowledge, the intellect, the education
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: to be able to actually make that work for us.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: So sit back down, you do, and then every single
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: time you try to do something new, it rears its head,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: pops back up, and then you're back in the same
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: position you were in the first place.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: So I think, how did you silence yours or like
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: move her to the side.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is quite similar to yours.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I feel like for me, it was a lot of
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: like observing, so observation. Something that I did was I
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: started to pay attention to my internal dialogue. So even
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: if I was just sitting their silent, Yeah, I made
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: it a packed with myself to go, Okay, for the
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: next seven days, I'm going to really document all of
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: the things that I'm telling myself. So I'm documenting common themes,
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: common sayings that I say to myself, common fears, and
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: really just kind of like data collection. Yeah, okay, being like, okay,
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: I want to learn myself right now. This isn't so
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: I can shave myself. It's not I'm trying to fix anything.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: I just want to observe. I want to learn, and
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I want to see what's really happening underneath the covers,
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: And so I would pay attention and I would listen,
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: and I would go, Okay, where's fear pop up? Where
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: self doubt pop up? What stories am I telling myself?
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Is it that I'm not beautiful enough? Is it that
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not smart enough? Is it that I'm not educated enough?
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: Is it that whenever I'm around somebody else, I'm immediately
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: less than? So it's really just like being able to
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: pay attention to all those things and really see it
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: with neutral eyes. And the moment that I started to
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: see things with neutral eyes and not put a secondary
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: emotion on top of how it was already feeling, then
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: it was like, all of a sudden, it became lighter. Yeah,
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: you know, it's like that secondary emotion of like, oh
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: I feel not good enough and now I'm shaming myself.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: That's what makes it so heavy. Yeah, and that's what
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: makes us spiral, at least.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: In my experience, I agree.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Right, So then it was just yeah, neutralizing it, seeing
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: it with open awareness, and then just being like, it's
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: okay that you feel this way. Yes, just Honestly, it
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: was a whole lot of self validation of like, I
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: know you want other people to make you feel good,
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: but the only person who's going to be able to
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: do that is you. And so it was like, hey, like,
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: I love you. You're good enough even if you feel
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: these things. Yeah, you're deserving even if you feel this way.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: And just because you feel fear not good enough, not
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: pretty enough, not beautiful enough, not intelligent enough, it doesn't
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: make you less than yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: And you can feel those things, it doesn't actually have
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: to be true, right, I can feel those things. You
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: do I actually have to act on it or not
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: do something.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And that's the things with emotions too. It doesn't define
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: who you are. It's just how you're feeling in that moment.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: That's what it dissolves.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And it's interesting because it wasn't like I.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Went from shaming myself to oh my god, I'm so
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: obsepted with myself and I love myself, loving myself sick, Right,
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of steps between. So it went from
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: shaming myself to neutral to holy shit, to have compassion
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: for myself, yes, And that compassion led me to know myself,
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: to like myself and then to start loving myself. Yes,
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: but that compassion, I feel like, really bridges the gap
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: between mean girl and actually having a softer internal dialogue
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: because you're like, wow, Like, if this was my best
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: friend going through this, there is no way that I
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: would say these things to her.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: You have compassion for why that's coming up and why
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: she's feeling like that.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: And that's something that I told myself as well. If
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it to somebody that I love, I'm
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: not allowed to say it to myself.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Such a good rule, you.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Know, it's innal boundaries.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, having internal boundaries with yourself around what you will
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: say to yourself, what you'll allow, what thoughts you'll entertain,
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: and how much you actually shit on yourself in those moments,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: because that's not what you need.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Imagine if your best.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: Friend or your mum or your sibling was going through
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: a really hard time and you just sat there standing
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: over them telling them how shit they were of them,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: how they're not good enough, they're not smart enough, they're ugly, fat, yeah,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: all of the things capable. Yeah, imagine how that person
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: would feel like absolute shit.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: It's not the productive way to support ourselves through hard challenges.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: You could also do that with your friends. Hey, if
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: they're vocally saying like, I'm dumb, I'm ugly, I'm shit,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not intelligent enough, not beautiful enough, I'm never going
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: to be anything. When you're holding space to your friend too,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes you don't jump in and be like, oh my god, no,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: that none of that's true. Sometimes you just sit there
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: and be like, tell me more about that. Yeah, where
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: did that come from?
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Is that actually for truth? You really believe that about yourself?
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Believe that you can actually coach yourself, because sometimes when
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: you look some in the eye and you said you
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: actually believe that you can't do that. I watch charge
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: now and he's like, I can't do this times table,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I look at them like do you really believe that
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you can't do it? And he resists, and I'm like, Okay,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: we're going to sit here until you can do it.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Then I love that You're going to use your hands
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: if you have to. You're going to take as long
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: as you need to in your brain, and you're gonna
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: tell me what six times seven is good? All night, buddy,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I'm going anywhere, hands man, I'm good, I'm comfy. Take
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: a seat, and then he gets evidence that he can
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: do it and it squashes that story. So next time
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: it pops up, I hope that it's like, oh, I
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: don't feel like I can do it, but I did
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: do it last time. Okay, I'll give it a go.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's hard and it's going to be changing,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: but I can do it.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: And the more he does that, the more repetition of
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: that that story gets smaller, or if it pops in, it
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: dissolves pretty quickly.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: That's such a beautiful way to go about it.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: It's cool to invite that curiosity into your friendships and
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: your pationships.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Don't squash how they're feeling because also it invalidates them
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: as well. It's like, well I am feeling like that.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: You don't want to jump in and you don't have
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to save the day. Just get curious on it, sit
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: with it with them, and the more neutral and calm
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: you are with it, the more neutral and calm they
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: can be with it too. Oh that's true, right, You
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: create that energy lead the way they hold the torch.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're making it comfortable for them to bring in
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: something that might feel emotionally charred and safe.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: It's actually okay for you to feel like.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: That and welcome them in and then next time if
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: that does come up for them, they're going to know
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: that they can come to you with it, yes, because
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: there's no judgment.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I feel love the same way.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: There's no bias, and they're going to support you through that.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: It's so cool. I love that. I love that.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: That was Mike drop. We're done.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: See guys, thanks for joining us.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: I feel the whole perfectionism trap can really heighten it
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: in a bully, you know, especially when you have this
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: ideal of who you think that you need to be
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: and how you need to show up because you think
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: it will make you more loved. It's almost like there's
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: no room for mistakes. Yeah, your internal dialogue. The moment
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: you make a mistake, boom, you're shitting on yourself or
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: you're making yourself the worst person in the world because
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: you made a mistake that was human, you know. And
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: it's like this relationship with failing making mistakes. Being imperfect
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: creates such a heavy narrative internally.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And unrealistic expectations like if you are oh my god,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I have to be perfect all the time, Like no.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: But how exhausting that is trying to be perfect at
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: every turn, every way that you show up, what you do,
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: how you act, how you behave.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: In all different areas of your life.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: And I can say it because I've tried to be
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: that for so long. That's been one of my biggest wounds,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: is trying to be perfect in every single area because
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I thought that would make me more love. Yeah, but
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: it's just it's not, and it doesn't. It doesn't work
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: at backfires. Makes you feel more disconnected from yourself, yeah,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: And it also makes you a more critical person of yourself. Yeah,
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: because you are so much more harsh in the way
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: you speak to yourself because of the relationship you have
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: with mistakes and failure. Yeah, and because of the relationship
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: you have with the need to be perfect, and so
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: you were just such a bully to yourself.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that we talk about this so openly too.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And someone who I've always loved listening to, whether she's
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: on stage or a podcast, is Brene Brown.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Oh she's good, isn't she.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: She'll talk about her in a critic she doesn't work
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: it in a critic way, but she'll talk about her
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: internal dialogue and she'll share personal stories where she's shot
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: on herself or she's been scared or doubted herself, and
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: it's so relatable. It just makes it so normalized and okay,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: and just know that, like, you're not the only one
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: that's doing this. We're all going through it. But you
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: can also push past that and still do amazing great things.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: And she say like, I think she's in her fifties now,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: and she still has that little voice that tells us
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: she shouldn't be on stage and that she shouldn't be
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: teaching this. And you know when she talks about relationships,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: she's like, well, I've nearly got a divorce and I've
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: had arguments my partner and I still argue with him,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: and it's just like that's all going to be there
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: because you're a human. Get rid of these unrealistic expectations
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: that you have to be perfect in your life has
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: to be perfect and you can't make mistakes, and just
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: like sit with it and push through it. Be in
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: the driver's seat.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: I do like that about him. Actually, she's super real
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: raw that's where everyone loves her. Yeah, she's super human.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: And I love that she talks about shame and vulnerability
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: and then she shares her I've heard her once on
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: a Ted talk or something, yeah, share an experience about
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: her and her husband, how she would resist the vulnerability
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: and she would say the real thoughts that would come
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: into her head, like I don't want to talk to him,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: And she's just so real and open, and it.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Is like she's so loved, right, It's so true. It's
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: like she has all those thoughts and she allows them
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: to be there. But it still hasn't stopped her from
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: making impact and living an amazing life and having a
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: great relationship human.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: That's the biggest thing, isn't it knowing that you can
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: still have an internal dialogue that is somewhat negative because
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: we can't get rid of our.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Negative positive all the time.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: It's not that's unrealistic for us, Like we have days
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: some days you're up and I'm down, or you're down
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: and I'm up, or sometimes we meet each other in
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: the middle, but not every single day is consistent. And
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I think it's like an unrealistic expectation and pressure that
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: we put on ourselves to think that we need to
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: be high vibe all the time and that everything needs
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: to be positive and dandy, and every every moment of
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: self talk is like, Oh my god, I love myself
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: and I'm proud of myself. It's just not like that
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: because think about the external variables that impact your mood.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: I'm talking food, like a sleep, having a fight with
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: your partner, cycle, money issues, cycle, having children, like having
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: you know, being impatient, or maybe they're feeling they're triggering
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: you one day, like, there's so many external variables that
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: dictate our mood and our thought patterns, and then bom,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: all of a sudden, I'm spiraling.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Literally, you know, it's so true. It's just humanized yourself.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: It'll be the best gift you can ever give yourself.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I had a daylight that yesterday, I was just in
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: a mood. I was just low, unmotivated. I wasn't satisfied
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: in my food. I couldn't make decisions. I felt like
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: brain foggy, felt a bit like disconnected to myself, couldn't
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: make decisions. And I looked at my app and I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's the faith of your fac we're in.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: That makes me feel better. And I contacted my natch
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: path too, because I'm working on my hormones, and I
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm really feeling like this today. She's like, yeah,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: because of X y Z, Like that's gonna intensify around
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: this time of your cycle.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: We made a plan from there, and then I also
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: just communicated with Steve how's feelings. So it took it
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: nice and easy that I ordered oobeats and just had
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: to chiunight with the kids and just flowed with it.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: There wasn't once that I shamed myself or for I
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: just allowed those thoughts to be there, because I had
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: thoughts of like, oh, you're lazy, you should be doing more.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: What are you doing? Like, get up, get up, do more,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: You've got to do list. I remember sitting at work
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: at like eleven thirty and Steve called me, I do
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: want to go to lunch. I'm like, fuck, yeah, I do. I
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: don't want to sit here like not being productive and
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I just feel shit. And yeah, I allowed those negative
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: thoughts to come and just be there, and then I
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm gonna get on with my day.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Today's not the day. Yeah, it's not the day for
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: me to get shit done. And that's okay. I'm going
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: to go have a nice lunch, go hang with the kids.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Early in the RVO and it was nice, just what
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I needed. Now I feel recharged because I just allowed
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: myself to have that space, you know. Yeah.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think in my experience as well, it's been
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: so good to just know that you can have a
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: bad day, yeah, or know that you can have bad
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: thoughts and it doesn't have to mean anything.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I talk about this, I'll act on it.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: You can think something and it not have to mean something,
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: and you can feel something and not have to act
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: on it. Yes, And that's been a huge game changer
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: for both of us, wowful in our relationships. Yeahsion and
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: everything that we experience.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: Don't make yourself wrong for having your human experience.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: And thoughts that come into your head that don't have
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: to mean.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Feelings, emotions, It doesn't think. It only means something when
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: you attach specific meaning to it. Yes, So when you
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: don't do that and you can really see your thoughts
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: from like a bird's eye view, yeah, I feel like
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: that's really helpful and something that's really helped me. I
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: can't remember where I learned this. I wish I knew
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: so I could credit it, But what I got told
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: is like when you are thinking about negative thoughts and
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: you want to start observing your thoughts. The way that
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: you do it is like, imagine you have like this
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: whole screen and like you know, like numbers like ones
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: and zeros like coding. Yeah, imagine that they're just like
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: flying across your eyes sight right now, and there's thousands
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: of them, Like think about the third and thousands of thoughts. Yeah,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: what happens is like that's happening every day, all day,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: every day, and then all of a sudden, this thought
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: comes in and it is negative, and it stops and
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: it catches your attention, and all you have to do
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: is let it go and observe that thought continuing on
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: with the rest of them. So it's just like a
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: way to like see what's kind of happening in your
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: mind and knowing that if you choose to give power
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: to that thought, it will become more of your Yeah,
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: but if you let it go and know that it's
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: one of fifty million, thous how the many thoughts I
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: think per day, it's not going to have so.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Much of behold over you.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: It's just something that always stuck with me because now
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: when I'm like if I feel super overwhelmed, I'm like,
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: it's just another thought, it's just another thought.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: That's really cool. Yeah, I love that. I also love
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: just a thought that comes in like that. It's a
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: little bit different, but just once again going back to
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: just allowing it to be there. I learned that from you.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: It's one time that Steve was pissing me off. I
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: don't know what he was doing, and I was like,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I can't really what I said to it, and I'm like, oh,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I just feel like this. And I was like, oh,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: but I feel really bad for a feeling like that,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: and you were like, well, you can feel that doesn't
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: mean you have to action. It doesn't mean anything about
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: your relationship, because if you allow that to just be there,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: it'll dissolve and go away. And the next day you're like,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: how are you feeling about that? I'm like, oh, oh
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: that's fine. Now that's gone. I don't feel like that anymore.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I'm back in love. I'm all good. Yeah, yeah, he's
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: all good and yeah. And I was like, oh, wow,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: that was really good for me to just experience, like, Okay,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I can think that and feel that in that moment,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: out of anger, out of whatever was going on, say
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: what they just let it be there? And then I
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: moved through it. Yeah. Was if I had suppress that
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: or not fully acknowledged it or attached a story to
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: it that could have become a new belief about him
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: or about our relationship, that would be so detrimental to us.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: So it was like, let it be there. It passes
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: because you processed it in the moment exactly.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: If you suppressed it, it would have fested, Yeah, and
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: grow bigger, gotten bigger.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Turned something that wasn't even true.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you would have added fuel to that the next
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: time you feel that, because you would be like, oh,
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: well now it's.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Twice as big, literally because of the thing that I
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: didn't look at last week.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: M m.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was really hard for what you go through.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: It was so cool and I use it all the time.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I like, not just with him, with the kids, anything, work,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, I can feel that right now.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I might not feel like that tomorrow, and nine out
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: of ten times I wake up the next day, I'm like,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I'm good, I feel like that anymore.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I have a question for you.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so when we talk about not going from negative
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: me girl self talk to oh my god, I'm so
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: obsessed in love with myself, what's a happy medium in
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: the middle that you have used to help you go
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: from a mean girl to like more neutral in the middle.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: As in something when I say to myself, I thing
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: you would say to yourself, Yeah, thank you, thank you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: for being there. Yeah. I'm not choosing to attach myself
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: to that right now though. But you can sit with me. Yeah, okay,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: you can chill. Yeah, but you're not driving. I like
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: that analogy, like being in the driver's seat, you can
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: chill with me in the passenger seat. We'll just sit
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: here together.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I love that, Like I'm not going to shame her
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: for what she's feeling or experiencing or wanting to control
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: to be safe. Thanks. Yeah, but we're not going to
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: act on this right now. I like that just giving
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: it time. I think we always need to slow down
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: in time. The more we can give ourselves time, the
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: more clarity we get, and then we get to the truth.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: We get to make conscious decisions that are actually true
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: to wear we're at right now, and not act on emotion.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: We're reponding in a way that feels good to our
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: heart and our body, not like erratically, not reactly based
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: on We're responding, not reacting, sitting with it, but I
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: always thank you for being there. It's like me and
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: a child intuition, the red flags. Yeah, all those little voices,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: it's like, thank you.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you're handy. Sometimes you're not helping me, but you
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: can be here with me.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Can you see with me? We can hang out together.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: You get some nachos together. We don't have Nacho's in
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: a while.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like gord yum, speaking of lunch break, we should
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: go eat.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: You know how, Like we were talking in the very
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: beginning of this episode, we're talking about how sometimes it
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: can feel like you're lying to yourself.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, like fake it to you make it, fake it
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: till you make it.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: I find sometimes what really helps is to say something
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: to myself that is a little bit more believable. So
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: if it's like if I feel like, oh, I have
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: this belief pop up, and it's like you're not capable
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: to do it, You're not smart enough. Yeah, what I
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: like to then tell myself is find a happy medium
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: where it's still believable. It's like, I may not feel
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: capable in this moment, but I'm also really willing to learn. Yeah,
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: I can try, I can try. I know when I
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: put my all to everything. I know that I can
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: learn how to become good at something. And so it's
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: like finding something in the middle where you're not like,
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: I'm good at this and I'm capable and i'm you know,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: a xyz you know what I mean, but you don't
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: believe it, where you almost feel like you're lying to yourself.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: For me personally, like finding that happy medium gives me
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: that little leg up to go, wow, there's belief here.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can do this, and then you.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Can at least try. Once you try, then you get
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: evidence that you're okay.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a flow.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: It's a good stepping stone, isn't it for sure? Yeah,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: that's really beautiful. I love that.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Right, hope you guys enjoyed this conversation.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Bye bye,