Latest / How To Love Yourself No Matter What / 314. Silence Your Inner Critic: The Power of Quiet Time

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314. Silence Your Inner Critic: The Power of Quiet Time · How To Love Yourself No Matter What

• 0:00
  Hey,
• 0:00
  I'm
• 0:01
  Amanda
• 0:01
  Hess.
• 0:02
  I'm
• 0:02
  a
• 0:02
  certified
• 0:02
  life
• 0:03
  coach.
• 0:03
  But
• 0:04
  what
• 0:04
  you
• 0:04
  need
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  know
• 0:04
  is
• 0:05
  I'm
• 0:05
  a
• 0:05
  sensitive
• 0:06
  woman
• 0:06
  just
• 0:06
  like
• 0:07
  you,
• 0:07
  and
• 0:07
  I'm
• 0:08
  going
• 0:08
  to
• 0:08
  help
• 0:08
  you
• 0:09
  understand
• 0:09
  yourself
• 0:10
  better
• 0:10
  so
• 0:10
  that
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  can
• 0:11
  approach
• 0:11
  your
• 0:12
  life
• 0:12
  differently
• 0:13
  and
• 0:13
  feel
• 0:14
  really
• 0:15
  good
• 0:15
  about
• 0:15
  it.
• 0:16
  Let's
• 0:16
  go.
• 0:17
  Hey,
• 0:17
  my
• 0:17
  friends.
• 0:18
  Okay,
• 0:18
  listen.
• 0:18
  Today
• 0:19
  I
• 0:19
  am
• 0:19
  going
• 0:19
  to
• 0:20
  be
• 0:20
  sharing
• 0:20
  something
• 0:21
  off
• 0:21
  the
• 0:21
  cuff
• 0:21
  with
• 0:21
  you.
• 0:22
  And
• 0:22
  it's
• 0:23
  something
• 0:23
  that
• 0:24
  I
• 0:24
  notice
• 0:25
  when
• 0:26
  I'm
• 0:26
  talking
• 0:26
  to
• 0:27
  somebody
• 0:27
  that
• 0:28
  hasn't
• 0:29
  been
• 0:29
  working
• 0:29
  with
• 0:29
  me
• 0:30
  for
• 0:30
  very
• 0:30
  long
• 0:31
  or
• 0:31
  that
• 0:31
  I
• 0:31
  don't
• 0:32
  work
• 0:32
  with
• 0:32
  yet.
• 0:33
  And
• 0:34
  today
• 0:34
  we're
• 0:34
  just
• 0:34
  going
• 0:35
  to
• 0:35
  talk
• 0:35
  about
• 0:35
  the
• 0:35
  power
• 0:36
  of
• 0:37
  silence,
• 0:38
  the
• 0:38
  power
• 0:38
  of
• 0:39
  being
• 0:39
  more
• 0:40
  quiet,
• 0:41
  the
• 0:41
  power
• 0:41
  of
• 0:41
  slowing
• 0:42
  things
• 0:42
  down.
• 0:43
  So
• 0:44
  one
• 0:44
  of
• 0:44
  the
• 0:44
  things
• 0:45
  that
• 0:46
  happens
• 0:47
  is
• 0:47
  when
• 0:48
  we're
• 0:48
  stressed,
• 0:49
  when
• 0:50
  we
• 0:50
  are
• 0:51
  doing
• 0:51
  a
• 0:51
  lot
• 0:51
  of
• 0:52
  things,
• 0:52
  when
• 0:52
  we
• 0:52
  are
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  kind
• 0:54
  of
• 0:54
  person
• 0:54
  that
• 0:55
  is
• 0:56
  highly
• 0:56
  motivated,
• 0:57
  right?
• 0:58
  This
• 0:58
  is
• 0:58
  honestly
• 0:59
  the
• 0:59
  type
• 1:00
  of
• 1:00
  person
• 1:00
  that
• 1:00
  would
• 1:01
  maybe
• 1:02
  quantify
• 1:03
  themselves
• 1:03
  as
• 1:03
  being
• 1:04
  type
• 1:04
  A,
• 1:05
  being
• 1:05
  on
• 1:06
  top
• 1:06
  of
• 1:06
  things.
• 1:07
  That
• 1:07
  being
• 1:08
  said,
• 1:08
  it
• 1:09
  doesn't
• 1:09
  necessarily
• 1:10
  mean
• 1:10
  that
• 1:10
  you're
• 1:11
  that
• 1:11
  person
• 1:11
  either,
• 1:11
  because
• 1:12
  I
• 1:12
  have
• 1:12
  coached
• 1:13
  women
• 1:13
  who
• 1:14
  have
• 1:14
  had
• 1:15
  more
• 1:15
  expansive
• 1:16
  time
• 1:16
  that
• 1:17
  have
• 1:17
  a
• 1:17
  lot
• 1:17
  of
• 1:17
  time
• 1:18
  at
• 1:18
  their
• 1:18
  disposal.
• 1:19
  But
• 1:19
  in
• 1:20
  either
• 1:20
  case,
• 1:20
  what
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  see
• 1:21
  is
• 1:22
  I
• 1:22
  see
• 1:22
  women
• 1:23
  ultimately
• 1:24
  feel
• 1:24
  filling
• 1:25
  their
• 1:25
  day
• 1:25
  with
• 1:26
  a
• 1:26
  lot
• 1:26
  of
• 1:27
  things
• 1:27
  that
• 1:27
  they
• 1:28
  are
• 1:28
  doing.
• 1:30
  So
• 1:30
  they
• 1:31
  will
• 1:31
  be
• 1:32
  going
• 1:32
  from
• 1:32
  thing
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  thing
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  thing
• 1:33
  in
• 1:33
  their
• 1:34
  life.
• 1:34
  They
• 1:34
  will
• 1:34
  be
• 1:34
  getting
• 1:34
  up
• 1:35
  in
• 1:35
  the
• 1:35
  morning,
• 1:35
  they
• 1:35
  will
• 1:35
  be
• 1:36
  hitting
• 1:36
  the
• 1:36
  gym,
• 1:36
  they
• 1:36
  will
• 1:37
  be
• 1:37
  working,
• 1:37
  they
• 1:38
  will
• 1:38
  be
• 1:38
  dropping
• 1:38
  their
• 1:38
  kids
• 1:39
  places,
• 1:39
  they
• 1:39
  will
• 1:40
  be
• 1:40
  on
• 1:40
  different
• 1:41
  boards.
• 1:41
  They
• 1:41
  will
• 1:42
  be
• 1:42
  doing
• 1:43
  fun
• 1:43
  and
• 1:44
  interesting
• 1:44
  things
• 1:44
  in
• 1:45
  their
• 1:45
  home.
• 1:45
  They
• 1:46
  are
• 1:46
  doers.
• 1:47
  And
• 1:48
  I
• 1:48
  will
• 1:48
  even
• 1:48
  see
• 1:49
  this
• 1:49
  with
• 1:49
  somebody
• 1:49
  when
• 1:50
  they're
• 1:50
  doing
• 1:50
  a
• 1:50
  lot
• 1:50
  of
• 1:51
  self
• 1:51
  help,
• 1:51
  where
• 1:52
  they'll
• 1:52
  be
• 1:52
  listening
• 1:53
  to
• 1:53
  podcasts
• 1:53
  and
• 1:54
  they'll
• 1:54
  be
• 1:54
  journaling
• 1:55
  and
• 1:55
  they'll
• 1:55
  be
• 1:55
  doing
• 1:55
  gratitude
• 1:56
  and
• 1:57
  they
• 1:57
  will
• 1:57
  just
• 1:57
  be
• 1:58
  in
• 1:58
  this
• 1:59
  place
• 1:59
  where
• 1:59
  they're
• 2:00
  doing,
• 2:00
  doing,
• 2:01
  doing,
• 2:01
  doing,
• 2:01
  doing
• 2:01
  okay,
• 2:02
  and
• 2:03
  it's
• 2:03
  not
• 2:03
  wrong
• 2:03
  and
• 2:03
  it's
• 2:04
  not
• 2:04
  bad.
• 2:04
  But
• 2:05
  whether
• 2:05
  you
• 2:05
  are
• 2:06
  the
• 2:06
  kind
• 2:06
  of
• 2:07
  person
• 2:07
  that
• 2:07
  is
• 2:07
  just
• 2:08
  doing
• 2:08
  all
• 2:08
  of
• 2:09
  these
• 2:09
  productive,
• 2:09
  I'll
• 2:10
  put
• 2:10
  that
• 2:10
  in
• 2:10
  air
• 2:10
  quotes,
• 2:11
  things,
• 2:12
  or
• 2:12
  you
• 2:12
  are
• 2:12
  the
• 2:13
  person
• 2:13
  that
• 2:13
  is
• 2:14
  genuinely
• 2:15
  busy
• 2:15
  doing
• 2:15
  things,
• 2:16
  or
• 2:16
  you're
• 2:17
  even
• 2:17
  the
• 2:17
  type
• 2:18
  of
• 2:18
  person
• 2:18
  where
• 2:18
  you
• 2:19
  feel
• 2:19
  bad
• 2:19
  and
• 2:19
  when
• 2:20
  you
• 2:20
  feel
• 2:20
  bad,
• 2:20
  you
• 2:21
  get
• 2:21
  yourself
• 2:22
  to
• 2:22
  try
• 2:22
  and
• 2:23
  do
• 2:23
  different
• 2:23
  modalities
• 2:24
  to
• 2:24
  feel
• 2:24
  better
• 2:24
  if
• 2:25
  you're
• 2:25
  in
• 2:25
  that
• 2:26
  space
• 2:26
  in
• 2:26
  any
• 2:27
  way.
• 2:28
  One
• 2:28
  thing
• 2:29
  that
• 2:29
  I
• 2:29
  notice
• 2:30
  that
• 2:30
  I
• 2:30
  talk
• 2:31
  about
• 2:31
  a
• 2:31
  lot
• 2:31
  is
• 2:32
  how
• 2:33
  much
• 2:33
  time
• 2:33
  you're
• 2:33
  spending
• 2:34
  alone,
• 2:35
  how
• 2:36
  much
• 2:36
  time
• 2:36
  you're
• 2:36
  spending
• 2:37
  alone,
• 2:37
  how
• 2:37
  much
• 2:38
  time
• 2:38
  you're
• 2:38
  spending
• 2:38
  in
• 2:39
  silence.
• 2:40
  I
• 2:40
  remember
• 2:41
  years
• 2:41
  ago
• 2:41
  when
• 2:42
  I
• 2:42
  first
• 2:42
  started
• 2:43
  in
• 2:43
  coaching
• 2:43
  and
• 2:44
  My
• 2:44
  coach
• 2:45
  said
• 2:45
  to
• 2:45
  me,
• 2:46
  amanda,
• 2:47
  what
• 2:47
  if
• 2:47
  you
• 2:47
  drove
• 2:48
  your
• 2:48
  car
• 2:48
  and
• 2:49
  you
• 2:49
  didn't
• 2:49
  listen
• 2:49
  to
• 2:50
  anything?
• 2:51
  And
• 2:51
  I
• 2:51
  just
• 2:51
  looked
• 2:52
  at
• 2:52
  her
• 2:52
  like
• 2:52
  she
• 2:53
  had
• 2:53
  grown
• 2:53
  three
• 2:54
  heads.
• 2:54
  The
• 2:55
  idea
• 2:55
  of
• 2:55
  letting
• 2:56
  my
• 2:56
  brain
• 2:57
  be
• 2:57
  able
• 2:57
  to
• 2:58
  talk
• 2:58
  to
• 2:58
  me
• 2:59
  when
• 2:59
  I
• 2:59
  am
• 3:00
  feeling.
• 3:00
  Feeling
• 3:00
  so
• 3:00
  dysregulated
• 3:01
  all
• 3:01
  the
• 3:02
  time
• 3:02
  sounded
• 3:03
  horrific.
• 3:03
  It
• 3:04
  sounded
• 3:04
  terrible.
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  never
• 3:06
  wanted
• 3:06
  to
• 3:06
  do
• 3:06
  that.
• 3:07
  So
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  just
• 3:09
  vividly
• 3:09
  remember
• 3:10
  this
• 3:10
  coaching
• 3:10
  call
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  I
• 3:11
  had
• 3:11
  with
• 3:11
  her
• 3:11
  where
• 3:12
  she
• 3:12
  encouraged
• 3:12
  me
• 3:13
  to
• 3:13
  be
• 3:14
  alone
• 3:14
  with
• 3:15
  myself.
• 3:16
  And
• 3:17
  I
• 3:17
  just
• 3:18
  have
• 3:18
  seen
• 3:19
  over
• 3:19
  and
• 3:19
  over
• 3:19
  again
• 3:20
  women
• 3:21
  really
• 3:21
  not
• 3:22
  being
• 3:22
  able
• 3:22
  to
• 3:22
  do
• 3:22
  that.
• 3:23
  And
• 3:23
  I
• 3:23
  want
• 3:23
  to
• 3:23
  speak
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  that
• 3:24
  today,
• 3:24
  and
• 3:25
  I
• 3:25
  want
• 3:25
  to
• 3:25
  talk
• 3:25
  about
• 3:25
  why
• 3:26
  it's
• 3:26
  important
• 3:26
  that
• 3:26
  you
• 3:27
  learn
• 3:27
  how
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  do
• 3:27
  it.
• 3:28
  When
• 3:28
  we
• 3:29
  don't
• 3:29
  know
• 3:29
  how
• 3:29
  to
• 3:30
  be
• 3:30
  alone
• 3:30
  with
• 3:30
  our
• 3:31
  brain,
• 3:31
  with
• 3:32
  our
• 3:32
  body,
• 3:32
  with
• 3:33
  our
• 3:33
  thoughts,
• 3:33
  with
• 3:34
  our
• 3:34
  breath,
• 3:34
  with
• 3:35
  just
• 3:36
  the
• 3:36
  world
• 3:37
  alone,
• 3:38
  when
• 3:39
  we
• 3:39
  don't
• 3:39
  allow
• 3:39
  ourselves
• 3:40
  to
• 3:40
  do
• 3:40
  that,
• 3:41
  we
• 3:42
  will
• 3:43
  inevitably
• 3:44
  be
• 3:44
  emotionally
• 3:45
  reactive.
• 3:46
  That
• 3:47
  can
• 3:47
  look
• 3:47
  a
• 3:47
  lot
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  different
• 3:48
  ways.
• 3:48
  A
• 3:48
  lot
• 3:48
  of
• 3:48
  times
• 3:48
  when
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  say
• 3:49
  to
• 3:49
  somebody,
• 3:49
  emotionally
• 3:50
  reactive,
• 3:50
  what
• 3:51
  they
• 3:51
  think
• 3:51
  I'm
• 3:51
  saying
• 3:51
  is,
• 3:52
  oh,
• 3:52
  I'm
• 3:53
  reactive
• 3:53
  to
• 3:54
  the
• 3:54
  other
• 3:54
  people
• 3:54
  that
• 3:55
  are
• 3:55
  around
• 3:55
  me.
• 3:55
  I
• 3:56
  am
• 3:56
  losing
• 3:57
  control
• 3:58
  of
• 3:58
  my
• 3:59
  mouth
• 3:59
  or
• 4:00
  I'm
• 4:00
  being
• 4:00
  passive
• 4:00
  aggressive
• 4:01
  or
• 4:01
  whatever
• 4:02
  else
• 4:02
  might
• 4:02
  be
• 4:02
  happening.
• 4:03
  That's
• 4:03
  actually
• 4:03
  not
• 4:04
  what
• 4:04
  being
• 4:04
  emotionally
• 4:05
  reactive
• 4:05
  is.
• 4:06
  Being
• 4:06
  emotionally
• 4:07
  reactive
• 4:07
  means
• 4:08
  that
• 4:08
  your
• 4:08
  emotions
• 4:09
  are
• 4:09
  really
• 4:09
  running
• 4:09
  the
• 4:10
  show.
• 4:11
  So
• 4:11
  they
• 4:11
  are
• 4:11
  controlling
• 4:12
  the
• 4:12
  thoughts,
• 4:12
  they
• 4:13
  are
• 4:13
  controlling
• 4:13
  the
• 4:13
  actions,
• 4:14
  they
• 4:14
  are
• 4:14
  controlling
• 4:15
  everything.
• 4:16
  And
• 4:16
  we
• 4:16
  don't
• 4:17
  have
• 4:17
  any
• 4:17
  real
• 4:19
  ability
• 4:19
  to
• 4:19
  balance
• 4:20
  that
• 4:20
  out.
• 4:21
  So
• 4:21
  this
• 4:21
  will
• 4:22
  happen
• 4:22
  when
• 4:22
  you're
• 4:22
  feeling
• 4:23
  a
• 4:23
  ton
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  anxiety.
• 4:24
  This
• 4:24
  will
• 4:25
  happen
• 4:25
  when
• 4:25
  your
• 4:25
  brain
• 4:25
  just
• 4:26
  won't
• 4:26
  shut
• 4:26
  up
• 4:26
  in
• 4:27
  the
• 4:27
  middle
• 4:27
  of
• 4:27
  the
• 4:27
  night,
• 4:27
  right?
• 4:28
  This
• 4:28
  is
• 4:28
  when
• 4:28
  this
• 4:29
  is
• 4:29
  happening,
• 4:29
  happening.
• 4:30
  And
• 4:31
  what
• 4:31
  I
• 4:32
  notice
• 4:32
  is
• 4:33
  that
• 4:33
  when
• 4:34
  I
• 4:34
  say
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  somebody
• 4:35
  in
• 4:35
  those
• 4:35
  moments,
• 4:36
  what
• 4:36
  are
• 4:36
  you
• 4:36
  doing?
• 4:37
  Almost
• 4:38
  always
• 4:38
  they're
• 4:39
  telling
• 4:39
  me
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  things
• 4:39
  that
• 4:40
  they're
• 4:40
  doing
• 4:40
  to
• 4:40
  try
• 4:40
  and
• 4:41
  get
• 4:41
  rid
• 4:41
  of
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  emotion.
• 4:42
  So
• 4:42
  this
• 4:42
  is
• 4:42
  the
• 4:43
  first
• 4:43
  part
• 4:43
  of
• 4:43
  this
• 4:43
  problem,
• 4:44
  right?
• 4:44
  If
• 4:45
  everything
• 4:45
  we
• 4:46
  do
• 4:46
  is
• 4:46
  designed
• 4:47
  to
• 4:47
  get
• 4:47
  rid
• 4:47
  of
• 4:47
  emotion,
• 4:48
  we
• 4:48
  are
• 4:48
  going
• 4:48
  to
• 4:49
  be
• 4:49
  in
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  very
• 4:50
  bad
• 4:50
  place.
• 4:51
  It
• 4:51
  is
• 4:52
  just
• 4:52
  going
• 4:52
  to
• 4:53
  create
• 4:53
  an
• 4:53
  experience
• 4:54
  for
• 4:54
  you
• 4:55
  where
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  feel
• 4:56
  afraid
• 4:57
  all
• 4:57
  the
• 4:57
  time.
• 4:57
  You're
• 4:58
  just
• 4:58
  gonna
• 4:58
  have
• 4:58
  a
• 4:59
  ton
• 4:59
  of
• 4:59
  fear
• 4:59
  because
• 5:00
  you
• 5:00
  are
• 5:00
  afraid
• 5:00
  of
• 5:00
  how
• 5:01
  you're
• 5:01
  going
• 5:01
  to
• 5:01
  feel.
• 5:02
  So
• 5:02
  some
• 5:02
  of
• 5:03
  you
• 5:03
  are
• 5:03
  gonna
• 5:03
  be
• 5:03
  able
• 5:03
  to
• 5:04
  label
• 5:04
  that
• 5:04
  as
• 5:04
  anxiety.
• 5:05
  Some
• 5:05
  of
• 5:05
  you
• 5:05
  might
• 5:05
  not
• 5:06
  even
• 5:06
  be
• 5:06
  able
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  label
• 5:06
  it
• 5:07
  with
• 5:07
  a
• 5:07
  feeling.
• 5:07
  I
• 5:07
  know
• 5:07
  I've
• 5:08
  got
• 5:08
  clients
• 5:08
  that
• 5:08
  talk
• 5:09
  about
• 5:09
  how
• 5:09
  that
• 5:09
  feels
• 5:10
  in
• 5:10
  their
• 5:10
  head,
• 5:11
  that
• 5:11
  it
• 5:11
  just
• 5:11
  feels
• 5:11
  like
• 5:12
  pressure
• 5:12
  that
• 5:12
  they
• 5:12
  can't
• 5:13
  get
• 5:13
  rid
• 5:13
  of.
• 5:14
  At
• 5:14
  the
• 5:14
  end
• 5:14
  of
• 5:14
  the
• 5:14
  day,
• 5:15
  though,
• 5:15
  what
• 5:15
  it
• 5:15
  is,
• 5:15
  is
• 5:16
  it's
• 5:16
  a
• 5:16
  fear
• 5:16
  of
• 5:16
  feeling.
• 5:17
  And
• 5:18
  when
• 5:18
  we
• 5:18
  are
• 5:18
  afraid
• 5:19
  of
• 5:19
  feeling,
• 5:20
  we
• 5:20
  will
• 5:21
  be
• 5:22
  in
• 5:22
  a
• 5:22
  fear
• 5:23
  response.
• 5:23
  So
• 5:24
  a
• 5:24
  fear
• 5:24
  response
• 5:24
  is
• 5:24
  like
• 5:25
  a
• 5:25
  stress
• 5:25
  response.
• 5:25
  It's
• 5:26
  fight,
• 5:26
  flight,
• 5:26
  freeze,
• 5:27
  fawn.
• 5:27
  A
• 5:28
  fear
• 5:28
  response
• 5:28
  is
• 5:28
  u
• 5:29
  ultimately
• 5:30
  your
• 5:31
  brain
• 5:31
  and
• 5:31
  body
• 5:32
  showing
• 5:32
  up
• 5:33
  without
• 5:33
  your
• 5:33
  conscious
• 5:34
  effort
• 5:35
  trying
• 5:35
  to
• 5:35
  keep
• 5:35
  you
• 5:36
  safe
• 5:36
  and
• 5:36
  alive.
• 5:37
  That's
• 5:37
  what
• 5:37
  it's
• 5:37
  trying
• 5:38
  to
• 5:38
  do.
• 5:38
  And
• 5:39
  that's
• 5:39
  very
• 5:40
  useful
• 5:40
  if
• 5:41
  we
• 5:41
  are
• 5:41
  in
• 5:41
  a
• 5:42
  truly
• 5:42
  fearful
• 5:42
  situation
• 5:43
  where
• 5:44
  our
• 5:44
  physical
• 5:45
  safety
• 5:45
  or
• 5:46
  even
• 5:46
  our
• 5:46
  emotional
• 5:47
  safety
• 5:47
  is
• 5:48
  at
• 5:48
  risk.
• 5:49
  However,
• 5:50
  in
• 5:50
  our
• 5:50
  day
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  day
• 5:51
  life,
• 5:52
  our
• 5:52
  emotional
• 5:53
  safety,
• 5:54
  our
• 5:54
  mental
• 5:54
  safety,
• 5:55
  our
• 5:55
  physical
• 5:55
  safety
• 5:56
  even
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  an
• 5:56
  extent
• 5:58
  is
• 5:58
  something
• 5:58
  that
• 5:59
  is
• 6:00
  not
• 6:00
  as
• 6:00
  at
• 6:00
  risk
• 6:01
  as
• 6:01
  our
• 6:01
  brain
• 6:01
  likes
• 6:02
  to
• 6:02
  think.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:04
  when
• 6:04
  I
• 6:04
  really
• 6:05
  look
• 6:05
  at
• 6:05
  it,
• 6:05
  I'm
• 6:06
  looking
• 6:06
  at
• 6:07
  somebody
• 6:07
  who
• 6:08
  is
• 6:08
  maybe
• 6:09
  afraid
• 6:09
  of
• 6:09
  feeling
• 6:10
  lonely,
• 6:10
  is
• 6:11
  maybe
• 6:11
  afraid
• 6:11
  of
• 6:12
  feeling
• 6:12
  embarrassed,
• 6:13
  is
• 6:13
  maybe
• 6:13
  afraid
• 6:13
  of
• 6:14
  feeling
• 6:14
  ashamed,
• 6:15
  sad.
• 6:17
  There's
• 6:17
  so
• 6:17
  many
• 6:17
  other
• 6:18
  emotions
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  we
• 6:19
  are
• 6:20
  not
• 6:20
  wanting
• 6:20
  to
• 6:21
  feel
• 6:21
  because
• 6:22
  potentially
• 6:23
  things
• 6:23
  have
• 6:23
  happened
• 6:23
  to
• 6:24
  us.
• 6:24
  And
• 6:24
  when
• 6:24
  we
• 6:24
  felt
• 6:25
  that
• 6:25
  way,
• 6:25
  it
• 6:25
  has
• 6:25
  felt
• 6:26
  so
• 6:27
  difficult
• 6:28
  and
• 6:28
  so
• 6:28
  hard
• 6:29
  and
• 6:29
  we
• 6:30
  feel
• 6:30
  as
• 6:31
  if
• 6:31
  we
• 6:31
  got
• 6:32
  stuck
• 6:32
  there
• 6:32
  and
• 6:33
  we
• 6:33
  couldn't
• 6:33
  get
• 6:34
  out,
• 6:34
  that
• 6:34
  it
• 6:34
  was
• 6:34
  something
• 6:35
  that
• 6:35
  was
• 6:36
  so
• 6:37
  just
• 6:37
  life
• 6:38
  altering
• 6:38
  in
• 6:38
  some
• 6:39
  way
• 6:39
  that
• 6:39
  we
• 6:40
  want
• 6:40
  to
• 6:40
  avoid
• 6:40
  it
• 6:40
  at
• 6:41
  all
• 6:41
  costs.
• 6:42
  So
• 6:42
  it
• 6:43
  makes
• 6:43
  sense
• 6:44
  that
• 6:44
  when
• 6:44
  that
• 6:44
  feeling
• 6:45
  comes
• 6:45
  up
• 6:45
  again
• 6:46
  that
• 6:46
  our
• 6:46
  brain
• 6:46
  identifies
• 6:47
  it
• 6:47
  as
• 6:47
  a
• 6:48
  real
• 6:48
  danger,
• 6:49
  a
• 6:49
  real
• 6:49
  threat.
• 6:50
  Where
• 6:50
  I
• 6:51
  work
• 6:51
  with
• 6:51
  people
• 6:51
  on
• 6:52
  this
• 6:52
  is
• 6:52
  we
• 6:52
  want
• 6:53
  to
• 6:53
  look
• 6:53
  at
• 6:54
  how
• 6:54
  do
• 6:55
  I
• 6:55
  move
• 6:55
  through
• 6:56
  that
• 6:56
  experience
• 6:57
  and
• 6:58
  find
• 6:58
  a
• 6:59
  different
• 6:59
  way
• 6:59
  of
• 7:00
  being
• 7:00
  with
• 7:00
  emotion.
• 7:01
  Because
• 7:01
  if
• 7:01
  we
• 7:01
  don't
• 7:02
  want
• 7:02
  to
• 7:02
  feel
• 7:03
  that
• 7:03
  fear
• 7:04
  all
• 7:04
  the
• 7:04
  time,
• 7:04
  if
• 7:05
  we
• 7:05
  want
• 7:05
  that
• 7:05
  fear
• 7:06
  to
• 7:06
  be
• 7:06
  reduced,
• 7:06
  if
• 7:07
  we
• 7:07
  want
• 7:07
  to
• 7:07
  be
• 7:07
  able
• 7:08
  to
• 7:08
  feel
• 7:09
  emotionally
• 7:09
  and
• 7:10
  mentally
• 7:11
  free,
• 7:11
  to
• 7:11
  be
• 7:12
  able
• 7:12
  to
• 7:12
  put
• 7:12
  things
• 7:13
  down,
• 7:13
  if
• 7:13
  we
• 7:13
  want
• 7:14
  that
• 7:14
  experience,
• 7:15
  what
• 7:15
  we
• 7:16
  truly
• 7:16
  need
• 7:16
  to
• 7:16
  be
• 7:17
  able
• 7:17
  to
• 7:17
  do
• 7:17
  is
• 7:17
  we
• 7:17
  need
• 7:18
  to
• 7:18
  be
• 7:18
  able
• 7:18
  to
• 7:18
  go
• 7:18
  out
• 7:18
  in
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  world
• 7:19
  and
• 7:21
  experience
• 7:21
  whatever's
• 7:22
  happening
• 7:22
  and
• 7:23
  not
• 7:23
  internalize
• 7:24
  it
• 7:25
  and
• 7:25
  not
• 7:26
  brace
• 7:26
  against
• 7:27
  it
• 7:27
  and
• 7:27
  not
• 7:28
  be
• 7:28
  in
• 7:29
  this
• 7:29
  fearful
• 7:30
  place
• 7:30
  of
• 7:31
  fight,
• 7:31
  flight,
• 7:31
  freeze
• 7:32
  fawn
• 7:32
  all
• 7:32
  the
• 7:33
  time.
• 7:33
  If
• 7:33
  we're
• 7:34
  in
• 7:34
  fight,
• 7:34
  flight,
• 7:34
  freeze
• 7:35
  fawn
• 7:35
  all
• 7:35
  the
• 7:35
  time,
• 7:36
  what
• 7:36
  we
• 7:36
  don't
• 7:36
  realize
• 7:37
  is
• 7:37
  that
• 7:37
  it
• 7:37
  actually
• 7:37
  makes
• 7:38
  us
• 7:38
  primed
• 7:38
  for
• 7:38
  more
• 7:39
  fight,
• 7:39
  flight,
• 7:39
  freeze
• 7:40
  fun.
• 7:40
  The
• 7:40
  more
• 7:40
  we
• 7:40
  experience
• 7:41
  it,
• 7:41
  the
• 7:41
  more
• 7:42
  we
• 7:42
  create
• 7:42
  it
• 7:42
  without
• 7:43
  meaning
• 7:43
  to.
• 7:44
  Because
• 7:44
  there's
• 7:44
  nothing
• 7:45
  really
• 7:45
  to
• 7:45
  be
• 7:46
  afraid
• 7:46
  of.
• 7:47
  There's
• 7:47
  nothing
• 7:47
  really
• 7:47
  to
• 7:48
  be
• 7:48
  afraid
• 7:48
  of.
• 7:48
  This
• 7:49
  is
• 7:49
  just
• 7:49
  your
• 7:49
  day
• 7:50
  to
• 7:50
  day
• 7:50
  life.
• 7:50
  This
• 7:50
  is
• 7:51
  just
• 7:51
  the
• 7:51
  undulating
• 7:52
  nature
• 7:52
  of
• 7:53
  emotion.
• 7:53
  This
• 7:53
  is
• 7:54
  just
• 7:54
  the
• 7:54
  5050
• 7:55
  of
• 7:55
  life.
• 7:55
  There
• 7:55
  is
• 7:56
  nothing
• 7:56
  going
• 7:56
  really
• 7:57
  wrong
• 7:57
  here.
• 7:58
  And
• 7:58
  even
• 7:58
  if
• 7:59
  you
• 7:59
  are
• 7:59
  going
• 7:59
  through
• 7:59
  something
• 8:00
  that
• 8:00
  is
• 8:00
  emotionally
• 8:01
  difficult,
• 8:01
  we
• 8:01
  still
• 8:02
  want
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  be
• 8:02
  able
• 8:02
  to
• 8:03
  start
• 8:03
  building
• 8:03
  up
• 8:03
  emotional
• 8:04
  safety.
• 8:05
  When
• 8:05
  I'm
• 8:05
  working
• 8:05
  with
• 8:06
  Someone.
• 8:06
  One
• 8:06
  of
• 8:06
  the
• 8:07
  big
• 8:07
  things
• 8:07
  we're
• 8:07
  talking
• 8:08
  about
• 8:08
  and
• 8:08
  looking
• 8:08
  at
• 8:09
  is
• 8:09
  creating
• 8:09
  emotional
• 8:10
  safety.
• 8:11
  The
• 8:11
  more
• 8:11
  emotionally
• 8:12
  safe
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  feel,
• 8:12
  the
• 8:13
  more
• 8:13
  able
• 8:13
  you
• 8:14
  will
• 8:14
  be
• 8:14
  to
• 8:15
  allow
• 8:15
  emotion.
• 8:16
  The
• 8:17
  more
• 8:17
  you
• 8:17
  allow
• 8:17
  emotion,
• 8:18
  the
• 8:19
  more
• 8:19
  you
• 8:19
  will
• 8:19
  become
• 8:19
  unafraid
• 8:20
  of
• 8:20
  emotion
• 8:21
  because
• 8:21
  you
• 8:21
  will
• 8:21
  become
• 8:21
  a
• 8:22
  master
• 8:22
  of
• 8:22
  your
• 8:22
  emotions.
• 8:23
  That
• 8:23
  doesn't
• 8:23
  mean
• 8:24
  that
• 8:24
  we'
• 8:24
  completely
• 8:25
  in
• 8:25
  control
• 8:25
  of
• 8:26
  what
• 8:26
  we
• 8:26
  feel,
• 8:27
  but
• 8:27
  we
• 8:27
  are
• 8:28
  able
• 8:28
  to
• 8:29
  navigate
• 8:29
  the
• 8:30
  experience
• 8:30
  in
• 8:30
  an
• 8:31
  empowered
• 8:31
  way
• 8:32
  and
• 8:32
  we
• 8:33
  are
• 8:33
  able
• 8:33
  to
• 8:33
  get
• 8:34
  through
• 8:34
  emotions
• 8:35
  faster
• 8:35
  and
• 8:36
  with
• 8:36
  more
• 8:36
  ease
• 8:37
  when
• 8:37
  they
• 8:37
  are
• 8:37
  difficult
• 8:38
  or
• 8:38
  challenging.
• 8:39
  When
• 8:39
  you
• 8:40
  are
• 8:41
  in
• 8:41
  this
• 8:42
  Fight,
• 8:42
  flight,
• 8:42
  freeze,
• 8:43
  fawn.
• 8:43
  Fight,
• 8:43
  flight,
• 8:44
  freeze,
• 8:44
  fawn.
• 8:44
  When
• 8:44
  we're
• 8:45
  in
• 8:45
  this
• 8:45
  fearful
• 8:45
  state
• 8:45
  because
• 8:46
  we
• 8:46
  are
• 8:46
  afraid
• 8:46
  of
• 8:46
  what
• 8:46
  we
• 8:47
  are
• 8:47
  going
• 8:47
  to
• 8:47
  feel,
• 8:47
  we
• 8:47
  are
• 8:47
  afraid
• 8:48
  of
• 8:48
  what
• 8:48
  we
• 8:48
  are
• 8:48
  going
• 8:48
  to
• 8:48
  experience.
• 8:49
  We
• 8:49
  are
• 8:49
  afraid
• 8:49
  of
• 8:50
  how
• 8:51
  and
• 8:51
  whether
• 8:51
  or
• 8:51
  not
• 8:52
  we
• 8:52
  can
• 8:53
  handle
• 8:53
  something,
• 8:55
  we
• 8:56
  ultimately
• 8:56
  have
• 8:57
  to
• 8:57
  somehow
• 8:57
  interrupt
• 8:58
  that
• 8:58
  pattern.
• 8:59
  And
• 8:59
  the
• 8:59
  best
• 9:00
  way
• 9:00
  that
• 9:00
  I
• 9:00
  know
• 9:00
  how
• 9:00
  to
• 9:01
  interrupt
• 9:01
  the
• 9:01
  pattern
• 9:02
  is
• 9:02
  to
• 9:03
  slow
• 9:03
  down.
• 9:04
  Your
• 9:04
  brain
• 9:05
  is
• 9:05
  going
• 9:05
  to
• 9:05
  tell
• 9:05
  you
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  speed
• 9:07
  up.
• 9:07
  It
• 9:08
  is
• 9:08
  going
• 9:08
  to
• 9:09
  start
• 9:10
  pumping
• 9:10
  adrenaline
• 9:11
  into
• 9:11
  your
• 9:11
  system.
• 9:12
  Fear
• 9:13
  is
• 9:13
  going
• 9:13
  to
• 9:13
  show
• 9:14
  up.
• 9:14
  And
• 9:15
  then
• 9:15
  when
• 9:15
  we're
• 9:15
  feeling
• 9:15
  that
• 9:16
  fear,
• 9:17
  if
• 9:17
  we
• 9:17
  just
• 9:18
  blindly
• 9:19
  follow
• 9:19
  it,
• 9:20
  we
• 9:20
  start
• 9:21
  experiencing
• 9:21
  reactions
• 9:22
  that
• 9:22
  we
• 9:22
  don't
• 9:23
  want
• 9:23
  to
• 9:23
  have
• 9:23
  and
• 9:24
  that
• 9:24
  starts
• 9:24
  creating
• 9:25
  results
• 9:25
  that
• 9:25
  we
• 9:25
  don't
• 9:26
  want
• 9:26
  to
• 9:26
  have.
• 9:27
  So
• 9:27
  if
• 9:27
  I'm
• 9:27
  perpetually
• 9:28
  feeling
• 9:28
  fearful
• 9:29
  about
• 9:30
  what's
• 9:30
  happening
• 9:30
  at
• 9:30
  work,
• 9:31
  let's
• 9:32
  say,
• 9:32
  then
• 9:32
  what's
• 9:33
  going
• 9:33
  to
• 9:33
  happen
• 9:33
  is
• 9:34
  I'm
• 9:34
  going
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  be
• 9:34
  thinking
• 9:34
  about
• 9:35
  it
• 9:35
  all
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  time.
• 9:35
  It's
• 9:36
  going
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  take
• 9:36
  up
• 9:36
  so
• 9:36
  much
• 9:36
  space
• 9:37
  in
• 9:37
  my
• 9:37
  brain.
• 9:38
  I'm
• 9:38
  going
• 9:38
  to
• 9:38
  be
• 9:38
  up
• 9:38
  at
• 9:38
  night
• 9:39
  worrying
• 9:39
  about
• 9:39
  it.
• 9:39
  I'm
• 9:40
  not
• 9:40
  going
• 9:40
  to
• 9:40
  be
• 9:40
  sleeping.
• 9:41
  I'm
• 9:41
  going
• 9:41
  to
• 9:41
  be
• 9:42
  getting
• 9:42
  to
• 9:42
  work,
• 9:42
  and
• 9:43
  I'm
• 9:43
  going
• 9:43
  to
• 9:43
  be
• 9:43
  very
• 9:43
  tense
• 9:44
  and
• 9:44
  defensive.
• 9:45
  I'm
• 9:45
  going
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  go
• 9:45
  home.
• 9:46
  I'm
• 9:46
  not
• 9:46
  going
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  be
• 9:46
  able
• 9:47
  to
• 9:47
  be
• 9:47
  present
• 9:47
  or
• 9:47
  active
• 9:48
  with
• 9:48
  my
• 9:48
  family.
• 9:49
  And
• 9:49
  this
• 9:49
  is
• 9:49
  going
• 9:49
  to
• 9:50
  snowball
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  this
• 9:51
  is
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  experience.
• 9:53
  The
• 9:53
  same
• 9:53
  thing
• 9:53
  can
• 9:54
  happen
• 9:54
  in
• 9:54
  your
• 9:54
  marriage
• 9:55
  where
• 9:56
  maybe
• 9:56
  there
• 9:57
  has
• 9:57
  been
• 9:57
  infidelity.
• 9:58
  And
• 9:59
  you
• 9:59
  are
• 9:59
  trying
• 9:59
  to
• 10:00
  rebuild
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  marriage.
• 10:01
  You
• 10:01
  are
• 10:02
  trying
• 10:02
  to
• 10:02
  figure
• 10:03
  out
• 10:03
  a
• 10:03
  way
• 10:03
  through
• 10:03
  this,
• 10:04
  either
• 10:04
  inside
• 10:04
  or
• 10:04
  outside
• 10:05
  of
• 10:05
  the
• 10:05
  relationship.
• 10:06
  And
• 10:06
  fear
• 10:07
  keeps
• 10:07
  showing
• 10:07
  up.
• 10:07
  What
• 10:07
  if
• 10:07
  I'm
• 10:08
  not
• 10:08
  good
• 10:08
  enough?
• 10:08
  What
• 10:08
  if
• 10:09
  I'm
• 10:09
  not
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  right
• 10:09
  person?
• 10:09
  What
• 10:10
  if
• 10:10
  I'm
• 10:10
  not
• 10:10
  attractive?
• 10:11
  What
• 10:11
  if
• 10:11
  I
• 10:11
  somehow
• 10:12
  miss
• 10:12
  something?
• 10:12
  What
• 10:12
  if
• 10:13
  this
• 10:13
  is
• 10:13
  my
• 10:13
  fault?
• 10:14
  How
• 10:14
  do
• 10:14
  I
• 10:14
  stop
• 10:15
  that
• 10:15
  from
• 10:15
  happening
• 10:16
  next
• 10:16
  time?
• 10:16
  The
• 10:16
  next
• 10:16
  thing
• 10:17
  you
• 10:17
  know,
• 10:17
  it's
• 10:17
  all
• 10:17
  you're
• 10:17
  thinking
• 10:18
  about.
• 10:18
  You
• 10:18
  can't
• 10:19
  focus
• 10:19
  on
• 10:19
  the
• 10:20
  other
• 10:20
  relationships
• 10:20
  that
• 10:20
  are
• 10:20
  burned
• 10:21
  bringing
• 10:21
  you
• 10:21
  happiness.
• 10:21
  You
• 10:22
  can't
• 10:22
  be
• 10:22
  there
• 10:22
  with
• 10:22
  your
• 10:23
  kids.
• 10:23
  You're
• 10:24
  not
• 10:24
  present
• 10:24
  at
• 10:24
  work.
• 10:25
  This
• 10:25
  is
• 10:25
  how
• 10:26
  this
• 10:26
  shows
• 10:26
  up.
• 10:27
  So
• 10:28
  what
• 10:28
  I
• 10:29
  know
• 10:29
  to
• 10:29
  be
• 10:29
  true
• 10:29
  is
• 10:30
  when
• 10:30
  somebody
• 10:30
  is
• 10:30
  in
• 10:31
  this
• 10:31
  state,
• 10:32
  we
• 10:32
  need
• 10:32
  to
• 10:33
  increase
• 10:33
  the
• 10:33
  amount
• 10:34
  of
• 10:34
  alone
• 10:35
  time
• 10:35
  and
• 10:35
  silent
• 10:36
  time
• 10:36
  you
• 10:36
  have
• 10:36
  with
• 10:36
  yourself.
• 10:37
  That
• 10:37
  doesn't
• 10:38
  mean
• 10:38
  that
• 10:38
  we
• 10:38
  just
• 10:38
  let
• 10:38
  our
• 10:39
  brain
• 10:39
  just
• 10:39
  think
• 10:40
  all
• 10:40
  by
• 10:40
  itself,
• 10:41
  because
• 10:41
  that
• 10:41
  is
• 10:42
  a
• 10:42
  dumpster
• 10:43
  fire.
• 10:43
  We
• 10:43
  don't
• 10:44
  do
• 10:44
  that.
• 10:44
  But
• 10:45
  instead,
• 10:45
  we
• 10:45
  need
• 10:46
  to
• 10:46
  start
• 10:46
  growing
• 10:47
  our
• 10:48
  ability
• 10:48
  to
• 10:49
  be
• 10:49
  with
• 10:49
  ourselves
• 10:50
  and
• 10:50
  notice
• 10:50
  the
• 10:51
  feelings
• 10:51
  in
• 10:51
  the
• 10:51
  body,
• 10:52
  be
• 10:52
  able
• 10:52
  to
• 10:53
  breathe
• 10:53
  through
• 10:53
  them,
• 10:54
  Let
• 10:55
  the
• 10:55
  wave
• 10:55
  of
• 10:55
  emotion
• 10:56
  come
• 10:56
  all
• 10:56
  the
• 10:57
  way
• 10:57
  through
• 10:58
  and
• 10:58
  find
• 10:58
  our
• 10:59
  center,
• 10:59
  find
• 10:59
  our
• 11:00
  groundedness.
• 11:01
  What
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  tend
• 11:02
  to
• 11:02
  say
• 11:02
  to
• 11:02
  my
• 11:02
  clients
• 11:03
  is
• 11:03
  that
• 11:04
  when
• 11:04
  you're
• 11:04
  in
• 11:04
  the
• 11:04
  middle
• 11:05
  of
• 11:05
  a
• 11:05
  really
• 11:05
  painful
• 11:06
  emotional
• 11:07
  experience
• 11:08
  and
• 11:08
  you're
• 11:08
  trying
• 11:08
  to
• 11:09
  allow
• 11:09
  and
• 11:09
  process
• 11:09
  emotion,
• 11:10
  you've
• 11:10
  got
• 11:11
  about
• 11:11
  10%
• 11:11
  control,
• 11:12
  maybe
• 11:13
  a
• 11:13
  little
• 11:13
  more.
• 11:13
  Depends
• 11:14
  on
• 11:14
  how
• 11:14
  regulated
• 11:15
  you
• 11:15
  are
• 11:15
  that
• 11:15
  day,
• 11:16
  depends
• 11:16
  on
• 11:16
  the
• 11:17
  intensity.
• 11:17
  But
• 11:17
  if
• 11:17
  it's
• 11:17
  very,
• 11:18
  very
• 11:18
  intense,
• 11:19
  you
• 11:19
  are
• 11:20
  going
• 11:20
  to
• 11:20
  be
• 11:20
  on
• 11:20
  the
• 11:21
  ride
• 11:21
  and
• 11:21
  you're
• 11:22
  just
• 11:22
  not
• 11:22
  going
• 11:22
  to
• 11:22
  have
• 11:22
  a
• 11:23
  ton
• 11:23
  of
• 11:23
  control
• 11:23
  other
• 11:23
  than
• 11:24
  to
• 11:24
  get
• 11:24
  yourself
• 11:24
  through
• 11:25
  it.
• 11:26
  What
• 11:26
  we
• 11:26
  don't
• 11:26
  realize
• 11:27
  is
• 11:27
  that
• 11:27
  what
• 11:28
  we're
• 11:28
  doing
• 11:28
  outside
• 11:29
  of
• 11:29
  those
• 11:29
  experiences
• 11:30
  has
• 11:31
  a
• 11:31
  massive
• 11:31
  impact.
• 11:32
  So
• 11:32
  if
• 11:33
  we
• 11:33
  take
• 11:33
  time
• 11:34
  to
• 11:34
  be
• 11:35
  alone,
• 11:35
  to
• 11:36
  be
• 11:36
  silent,
• 11:37
  to
• 11:37
  be
• 11:38
  nourishing
• 11:38
  with
• 11:38
  our
• 11:39
  thoughts,
• 11:39
  to
• 11:39
  drop
• 11:40
  into
• 11:40
  our
• 11:40
  body,
• 11:41
  to
• 11:41
  breathe
• 11:42
  to
• 11:42
  ground,
• 11:43
  if
• 11:43
  we
• 11:44
  do
• 11:44
  this
• 11:44
  regularly,
• 11:45
  outside
• 11:46
  of
• 11:46
  the
• 11:46
  times
• 11:46
  when
• 11:46
  we
• 11:47
  feel
• 11:47
  triggered,
• 11:48
  outside
• 11:48
  of
• 11:48
  the
• 11:48
  times
• 11:48
  when
• 11:49
  we're
• 11:49
  feeling
• 11:49
  extreme
• 11:50
  emotion,
• 11:51
  we
• 11:51
  will
• 11:51
  start
• 11:51
  building
• 11:52
  a
• 11:52
  capacity
• 11:53
  for
• 11:53
  being
• 11:54
  able
• 11:54
  to
• 11:54
  be
• 11:54
  alone
• 11:55
  with
• 11:55
  ourself.
• 11:56
  So
• 11:56
  this
• 11:57
  can
• 11:57
  start
• 11:57
  really
• 11:58
  small.
• 11:58
  We're
• 11:59
  talking
• 11:59
  about
• 11:59
  taking
• 12:00
  a
• 12:00
  few
• 12:00
  deep
• 12:00
  breaths
• 12:01
  in
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  bathroom.
• 12:02
  Breathing
• 12:02
  in
• 12:02
  for
• 12:03
  three,
• 12:04
  holding
• 12:04
  for
• 12:04
  three,
• 12:05
  blowing
• 12:05
  out
• 12:05
  audibly
• 12:06
  for
• 12:06
  three.
• 12:07
  You
• 12:07
  can
• 12:07
  do
• 12:07
  it
• 12:07
  with
• 12:08
  me
• 12:08
  here.
• 12:11
  Hold.
• 12:14
  Blow
• 12:15
  out.
• 12:18
  Noticing
• 12:19
  how
• 12:19
  your
• 12:20
  nervous
• 12:20
  system
• 12:20
  drops
• 12:21
  in,
• 12:21
  right?
• 12:22
  We
• 12:22
  could
• 12:23
  do
• 12:23
  that
• 12:23
  every
• 12:23
  time
• 12:24
  we
• 12:24
  went
• 12:24
  to
• 12:24
  the
• 12:24
  bathroom.
• 12:25
  If
• 12:25
  you
• 12:25
  did
• 12:25
  that
• 12:26
  every
• 12:26
  time
• 12:26
  you
• 12:26
  went
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  the
• 12:26
  bathroom
• 12:27
  every
• 12:27
  day,
• 12:28
  it
• 12:28
  would
• 12:28
  have
• 12:28
  an
• 12:29
  impact
• 12:29
  on
• 12:29
  your
• 12:30
  ability
• 12:30
  to
• 12:30
  emotionally
• 12:31
  recover.
• 12:32
  It
• 12:32
  would
• 12:32
  have
• 12:32
  an
• 12:32
  impact
• 12:33
  on
• 12:33
  the
• 12:33
  intensity
• 12:34
  of
• 12:34
  the
• 12:34
  emotion
• 12:34
  that
• 12:34
  you
• 12:35
  experience.
• 12:36
  All
• 12:36
  of
• 12:36
  your
• 12:36
  life
• 12:37
  is
• 12:37
  not
• 12:37
  a
• 12:38
  doing
• 12:38
  problem,
• 12:39
  okay?
• 12:40
  It's
• 12:40
  a
• 12:40
  being
• 12:41
  problem.
• 12:42
  We
• 12:42
  have
• 12:42
  to
• 12:42
  learn
• 12:42
  how
• 12:43
  to
• 12:43
  be.
• 12:44
  We
• 12:44
  live
• 12:44
  in
• 12:45
  a
• 12:45
  society
• 12:46
  that
• 12:46
  is
• 12:47
  so
• 12:48
  full
• 12:49
  of
• 12:50
  different
• 12:51
  problems.
• 12:52
  We
• 12:52
  live
• 12:53
  in
• 12:53
  a
• 12:53
  society
• 12:53
  that
• 12:53
  is
• 12:54
  so
• 12:54
  full
• 12:55
  of
• 12:55
  input,
• 12:56
  that
• 12:56
  is
• 12:56
  perpetually
• 12:58
  inputting,
• 12:58
  perpetually
• 13:00
  going
• 13:00
  into
• 13:00
  your
• 13:00
  brain
• 13:01
  and
• 13:02
  stimulating
• 13:02
  you
• 13:02
  and
• 13:03
  giving
• 13:03
  you
• 13:03
  this,
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  giving
• 13:04
  you
• 13:04
  this,
• 13:04
  and
• 13:04
  giving
• 13:04
  you
• 13:04
  this
• 13:04
  and
• 13:05
  giving
• 13:05
  you
• 13:05
  this.
• 13:05
  We
• 13:05
  live
• 13:06
  in
• 13:06
  this
• 13:06
  society
• 13:07
  that
• 13:07
  does
• 13:07
  this.
• 13:08
  Ultimately,
• 13:09
  what
• 13:10
  we
• 13:10
  want
• 13:10
  to
• 13:10
  be
• 13:10
  able
• 13:10
  to
• 13:11
  start
• 13:11
  doing
• 13:12
  is
• 13:12
  releasing
• 13:13
  it,
• 13:14
  letting
• 13:14
  it
• 13:14
  go,
• 13:15
  putting
• 13:15
  it
• 13:15
  down.
• 13:16
  If
• 13:16
  we
• 13:16
  keep
• 13:17
  adding
• 13:17
  to
• 13:17
  the
• 13:17
  pile,
• 13:18
  if
• 13:18
  we
• 13:18
  keep
• 13:19
  listening
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  Podcasts
• 13:20
  and
• 13:20
  trainings
• 13:21
  and
• 13:21
  doing
• 13:22
  this
• 13:22
  and
• 13:22
  gratitude
• 13:23
  and
• 13:23
  yada
• 13:23
  yada
• 13:24
  and
• 13:24
  do
• 13:24
  do,
• 13:24
  do,
• 13:24
  do,
• 13:25
  do,
• 13:25
  do
• 13:25
  do
• 13:25
  do
• 13:25
  do
• 13:26
  with
• 13:26
  no
• 13:26
  space
• 13:27
  in
• 13:27
  between.
• 13:28
  What
• 13:28
  happens
• 13:28
  is
• 13:29
  we
• 13:29
  don't
• 13:29
  give
• 13:29
  ourselves
• 13:30
  that
• 13:30
  ability
• 13:31
  to
• 13:31
  mentally
• 13:31
  and
• 13:32
  emotionally
• 13:32
  rest.
• 13:33
  We
• 13:34
  can't
• 13:34
  just
• 13:34
  do
• 13:34
  this
• 13:34
  when
• 13:35
  we
• 13:35
  sleep.
• 13:35
  And
• 13:36
  in
• 13:36
  fact,
• 13:36
  a
• 13:36
  lot
• 13:36
  of
• 13:36
  you
• 13:36
  probably
• 13:37
  experience
• 13:37
  that
• 13:38
  you
• 13:38
  don't
• 13:38
  sleep.
• 13:39
  So
• 13:39
  we
• 13:39
  have
• 13:39
  to
• 13:39
  start
• 13:40
  bringing
• 13:40
  that
• 13:40
  in.
• 13:40
  We
• 13:41
  have
• 13:41
  to
• 13:41
  start
• 13:41
  adding
• 13:42
  that
• 13:42
  in.
• 13:43
  So
• 13:43
  what
• 13:43
  I
• 13:44
  want
• 13:44
  to
• 13:44
  leave
• 13:44
  you
• 13:45
  with
• 13:45
  today
• 13:46
  is
• 13:46
  understanding
• 13:47
  that
• 13:48
  I
• 13:49
  need
• 13:49
  to
• 13:49
  create
• 13:49
  silence
• 13:50
  and
• 13:51
  alone
• 13:51
  time
• 13:51
  in
• 13:52
  my
• 13:52
  life.
• 13:52
  I
• 13:52
  need
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  find
• 13:53
  ways
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  drop
• 13:54
  into
• 13:54
  my
• 13:54
  body
• 13:55
  during
• 13:56
  those
• 13:56
  times.
• 13:57
  They
• 13:57
  can
• 13:57
  be
• 13:57
  small,
• 13:58
  miniature
• 13:59
  experiences.
• 14:00
  They
• 14:00
  don't
• 14:00
  need
• 14:00
  to
• 14:01
  be
• 14:01
  these
• 14:01
  big
• 14:01
  long
• 14:02
  windows.
• 14:03
  If
• 14:03
  you
• 14:03
  do
• 14:03
  this
• 14:04
  day
• 14:04
  after
• 14:04
  day,
• 14:05
  time
• 14:05
  after
• 14:05
  time.
• 14:05
  If
• 14:06
  you
• 14:06
  continue
• 14:06
  to
• 14:07
  do
• 14:07
  this
• 14:07
  throughout
• 14:07
  your
• 14:08
  day,
• 14:08
  you
• 14:09
  are
• 14:09
  add
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  your
• 14:10
  ability
• 14:11
  to
• 14:11
  be
• 14:12
  alone
• 14:12
  with
• 14:12
  yourself.
• 14:13
  You
• 14:13
  start
• 14:13
  shoring
• 14:14
  up
• 14:14
  the
• 14:14
  skill
• 14:15
  as
• 14:15
  you
• 14:15
  increase
• 14:16
  the
• 14:16
  skill
• 14:16
  and
• 14:16
  the
• 14:17
  capacity.
• 14:17
  When
• 14:18
  emotionally
• 14:18
  difficult
• 14:19
  things
• 14:19
  do
• 14:19
  happen,
• 14:20
  you
• 14:21
  have
• 14:21
  that
• 14:21
  ability
• 14:22
  to
• 14:22
  drop
• 14:23
  into
• 14:23
  your
• 14:23
  body,
• 14:24
  number
• 14:24
  one.
• 14:25
  Number
• 14:25
  two,
• 14:25
  it
• 14:26
  will
• 14:26
  happen
• 14:26
  less
• 14:27
  because
• 14:27
  it
• 14:27
  will
• 14:27
  actually
• 14:27
  grow
• 14:28
  your
• 14:28
  emotional
• 14:29
  capacity.
• 14:29
  And
• 14:30
  so
• 14:30
  it
• 14:30
  will
• 14:30
  happen
• 14:31
  much
• 14:31
  less
• 14:31
  frequently
• 14:32
  for
• 14:32
  you.
• 14:33
  These
• 14:33
  things
• 14:34
  work
• 14:34
  together.
• 14:35
  The
• 14:35
  thing
• 14:35
  that
• 14:35
  you
• 14:35
  want
• 14:36
  to
• 14:36
  remember
• 14:36
  is
• 14:36
  that
• 14:37
  you're
• 14:37
  moving
• 14:37
  against
• 14:37
  your
• 14:38
  biology.
• 14:38
  You're
• 14:39
  moving
• 14:39
  against
• 14:39
  what
• 14:39
  you
• 14:40
  would
• 14:40
  typically
• 14:40
  do
• 14:40
  for
• 14:40
  your
• 14:41
  yourself.
• 14:41
  So
• 14:42
  therefore,
• 14:43
  it
• 14:43
  is
• 14:44
  needing
• 14:44
  to
• 14:45
  be
• 14:45
  intentional.
• 14:45
  We
• 14:46
  need
• 14:46
  to
• 14:46
  be
• 14:47
  scheduling
• 14:48
  it.
• 14:48
  We
• 14:48
  need
• 14:48
  to
• 14:48
  be
• 14:48
  reminding
• 14:49
  ourselves
• 14:49
  of
• 14:49
  it.
• 14:50
  We
• 14:50
  are
• 14:50
  building
• 14:50
  a
• 14:51
  habit.
• 14:51
  We
• 14:52
  are
• 14:52
  building
• 14:52
  a
• 14:53
  core
• 14:53
  skill,
• 14:54
  something
• 14:54
  that
• 14:54
  allows
• 14:55
  you
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  have
• 14:56
  a
• 14:56
  little
• 14:56
  bit
• 14:56
  more
• 14:56
  space.
• 14:57
  So
• 14:57
  the
• 14:58
  next
• 14:58
  time
• 14:58
  you're
• 14:58
  feeling
• 14:59
  very
• 14:59
  activated,
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  want
• 15:00
  you
• 15:00
  to
• 15:01
  think
• 15:01
  about
• 15:02
  when's
• 15:02
  the
• 15:02
  last
• 15:02
  time
• 15:03
  that
• 15:03
  I
• 15:03
  rested,
• 15:04
  when's
• 15:04
  the
• 15:04
  last
• 15:05
  time
• 15:05
  that
• 15:05
  I
• 15:05
  took
• 15:05
  time
• 15:06
  for
• 15:06
  myself,
• 15:06
  when
• 15:06
  was
• 15:07
  the
• 15:07
  last
• 15:07
  time
• 15:07
  I
• 15:07
  was
• 15:07
  alone
• 15:08
  with
• 15:08
  my
• 15:08
  brain
• 15:08
  and
• 15:09
  do
• 15:09
  I
• 15:09
  feel
• 15:09
  safe
• 15:10
  doing
• 15:10
  that?
• 15:10
  And
• 15:10
  if
• 15:11
  the
• 15:11
  answer
• 15:11
  is
• 15:11
  no,
• 15:12
  I
• 15:13
  want
• 15:13
  you
• 15:13
  to
• 15:13
  know
• 15:13
  that
• 15:14
  coaching
• 15:14
  can
• 15:14
  be
• 15:15
  very
• 15:15
  helpful
• 15:16
  for
• 15:16
  this.
• 15:17
  This
• 15:17
  is
• 15:17
  something
• 15:18
  that
• 15:18
  you
• 15:18
  don't
• 15:18
  need
• 15:18
  to
• 15:19
  white
• 15:19
  knuckle
• 15:19
  your
• 15:19
  way
• 15:20
  through.
• 15:20
  That
• 15:20
  is
• 15:20
  not
• 15:21
  required.
• 15:22
  This
• 15:22
  is
• 15:23
  something
• 15:23
  that
• 15:23
  we
• 15:24
  don't
• 15:24
  get
• 15:24
  taught
• 15:24
  in
• 15:24
  school.
• 15:25
  Our
• 15:25
  parents
• 15:25
  don't
• 15:25
  teach
• 15:26
  us
• 15:26
  this.
• 15:26
  This
• 15:27
  is
• 15:27
  something
• 15:27
  you
• 15:27
  can
• 15:28
  learn.
• 15:28
  And
• 15:28
  if
• 15:28
  that
• 15:28
  is
• 15:29
  something
• 15:29
  you're
• 15:29
  interested
• 15:29
  in,
• 15:29
  I
• 15:30
  want
• 15:30
  to
• 15:30
  encourage
• 15:31
  you
• 15:31
  to
• 15:31
  go
• 15:31
  sign
• 15:31
  up
• 15:32
  for
• 15:32
  a
• 15:32
  free
• 15:33
  Discovery
• 15:33
  call.
• 15:34
  You
• 15:34
  can
• 15:34
  go
• 15:34
  to
• 15:34
  amandahest
• 15:35
  ca
• 15:37
  bookacall
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  we
• 15:38
  can
• 15:38
  talk
• 15:38
  this
• 15:38
  through.
• 15:39
  We
• 15:39
  can
• 15:40
  look
• 15:40
  at
• 15:40
  what's
• 15:41
  happening,
• 15:41
  what
• 15:42
  needs
• 15:42
  to
• 15:42
  happen,
• 15:43
  what
• 15:43
  is
• 15:44
  going
• 15:44
  to
• 15:44
  change
• 15:44
  for
• 15:45
  you
• 15:45
  when
• 15:45
  you
• 15:45
  do
• 15:45
  it,
• 15:46
  and
• 15:46
  we
• 15:46
  can
• 15:46
  look
• 15:46
  at
• 15:46
  the
• 15:47
  real
• 15:47
  process
• 15:47
  to
• 15:48
  get
• 15:48
  you
• 15:48
  there.
• 15:49
  And
• 15:49
  then
• 15:49
  we
• 15:49
  can
• 15:49
  talk
• 15:49
  about
• 15:50
  whether
• 15:50
  or
• 15:50
  not
• 15:50
  coaching
• 15:50
  would
• 15:51
  be
• 15:51
  the
• 15:51
  right
• 15:51
  thing
• 15:51
  for
• 15:51
  you.
• 15:52
  All
• 15:52
  right,
• 15:52
  my
• 15:53
  friends,
• 15:53
  this
• 15:53
  is
• 15:53
  what
• 15:53
  I've
• 15:54
  got
• 15:54
  for
• 15:54
  you.
• 15:54
  I
• 15:54
  hope
• 15:55
  you
• 15:55
  have
• 15:55
  the
• 15:55
  most
• 15:55
  incredible
• 15:56
  day,
• 15:56
  and
• 15:57
  I
• 15:57
  will
• 15:57
  see
• 15:57
  you
• 15:57
  here
• 15:57
  next
• 15:58
  time.
• 15:58
  Bye.
• 16:01
  Thanks
• 16:01
  so
• 16:01
  much
• 16:01
  for
• 16:02
  listening
• 16:02
  today.
• 16:03
  If
• 16:03
  this
• 16:03
  podcast
• 16:04
  is
• 16:04
  helping
• 16:04
  you,
• 16:05
  please
• 16:05
  follow
• 16:05
  wherever
• 16:06
  you
• 16:06
  listen
• 16:06
  and
• 16:07
  consider
• 16:07
  leaving
• 16:07
  a
• 16:08
  review.
• 16:08
  It
• 16:08
  truly
• 16:09
  helps
• 16:09
  this
• 16:09
  community
• 16:10
  grow
• 16:10
  and
• 16:11
  allows
• 16:11
  me
• 16:11
  to
• 16:11
  support
• 16:12
  more
• 16:12
  women
• 16:13
  like
• 16:13
  you.
• 16:14
  I'm
• 16:14
  excited
• 16:15
  to
• 16:15
  see
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  back
• 16:15
  here
• 16:16
  next
• 16:16
  week
• 16:16
  with
• 16:17
  a
• 16:17
  brand
• 16:17
  new
• 16:17
  episode.
• 16:18
  Until
• 16:18
  then,
• 16:19
  take
• 16:20
  care,
• 16:20
  friend.