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Understanding Guilt: Healthy vs Unhealthy Guilt, Self-Compassion & Emotional Healing | Let's Get Emotional · Let's Get Emotional

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, guilt is this emotion that tells us we have violated our own values.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it helps us apologize, make amends, avoid repeating harmful behaviors.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the hardest part isn't feeling what you feel, it's finding the words for it.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: We give a simple answer, even when the real answer is more layered.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: So here we slow things down, get specific, and put language to what's happening inside in a way that actually helps.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Let's Get Emotional.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get Emotional is an educational podcast hosted by myself, Tatiana Rojas, and Dr.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Jennifer Martin Schantz.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Each episode focuses on one emotion, and today's emotion is guilt.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: We break it down in a way that's clear, human, and practical so you can understand what's happening inside you and what to do with it.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Our mission is simple: help you understand what you're feeling, name it with more clarity, and respond in ways that support your life and your relationships.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for education and general information only.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't therapy and it doesn't replace mental health care.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local emergency services or crisis hotline in your area.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can also reach out to 988 as well via phone or text.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So before we get into it, let's remind everyone about emotions and feelings and what they mean.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: So the first is a definition of emotions.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about that.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Emotions are quick automatic reactions that occur in both the body and our brain.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: They act as signals, often appearing before we can even describe them in words.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: These responses provide information.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Your internal system's way of letting you know that something important is happening, such as concerns about safety, connection, fairness, loss, threat, desire, or meaning.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Next are feelings.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So feelings are your conscious experience of emotions.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: They are the words you use to name what's happening, plus the meaning you attach to it based on your history, culture, beliefs, and relationships.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: If an emotion is a body-based signal, a feeling is a label you put on it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Finally, we have moods.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Moods are longer-lasting emotional states, more like emotional weather.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can be in an irritable mood, a low mood, or a tender mood for hours or days, sometimes without one clear trigger.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Emotions are the spark, feelings are the label, moods are the climate.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And Tatiana is going to talk more about the definition of our feeling today, or emotion today, excuse me, which is guilt.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, thank you so much for that reminder.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is guilt?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt, by definition, is feelings of deserving blame, especially for imagined offenses, or from a sense of inadequacy, a feeling of deserving blame for an offense, the state of one who has committed an offense, especially consciously, the fact of having committed a breach of conduct, especially violating a law and involving a penalty or a consequence.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So guilt may feel like a feeling of worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: It can equate to a feeling of anxiety or unhappiness that you have done something immoral or wrong, such as causing harm to another person.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we might also hear the uh the word guilty, which is justly charged with or responsible for, usually a grave breach of conduct or crime, or justly liable to or deserving of a penalty.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: So guilty implies responsibility for or consciousness of crime, sin, or at the least grave error or misdoing.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Some of this is sometimes phrased as I did bad.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is a self-conscious emotion and it involves reflection on oneself.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So now that we've talked a little bit about the definition, and I know that was very wordy, we'll definitely talk about how we break this down a little bit more.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But what does the research say?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: What have you got for us today?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: So the research defines guilt as a negative emotional state that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong or failed to meet a moral standard.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Guilt is often associated with empathy, responsibility, and reparative action.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And looking at sort of research stating there's a correlation with healthy empathy and pro-social behavior.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: So guilt is this emotion that tells us we have violated our own values.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it helps us apologize, make amends, avoid repeating harmful behaviors.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about some psychological features.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, looking at behavior, sort of focused, what motivates us to repair and what motivates us to maybe make an apology.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it starts with cognition, right?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: That cognitive part, thinking about it.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And in order to think about it, we have to have self-awareness.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: We have to realize and be like, oh, okay, yeah, I do.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: I feel this guilt and being self-aware of maybe our behavior, once again, or an apology we may have to give to someone.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: But that also ties into our moral standards, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: What is that moral base that we have?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And also guilt requires us to have responsibility as well.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: So thinking about it relationally, right?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Guilt is this sort of emotion, and it's a relationship-preserving emotion.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: You want to keep right this relationship.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think about that?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to Yana as a fellow therapist.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I definitely latched on to when you said self-awareness, right?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a reflective piece.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I think as we talk about being in relationships and the impact and influence our words, our actions have on someone else, like there truly does need to be a self-awareness on behalf of someone that may be engaging in behavior that's harmful, that they need to actually be aware that and reflective of what they're doing, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Holds weight, holds value.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: They need to have a little bit of empathy for how it impacts others.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's not there, then sometimes our words and wanting someone to show remorse or show guilt for their actions may in fact not actually be something that's going to happen because not everyone has that self-awareness.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I just really keyed in on that when you shared it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I know as we we work with others, and I I often bring this up, and I'm sure we'll talk a little bit more about this later on.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when we're growing up, we often when we see kids interacting and they've done something maybe that's you know not aligned with what we as adults would think is appropriate.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you you took that toy from that kid, go give it back and say you're sorry, but that's why the sorry doesn't land because there's no awareness of like what I did was actually wrong or impactful, and it starts so young, and so that I mean that's just where my brain is going, and so good example, yeah.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: So continuing with research, um, looking at sort of that neuroimaging and what areas of our brain are activated with guilt.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: So that prefrontal cortex, that's right where our forehead area is, the cingulate cortex and the temporal parietal sort of junction in those lobes.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: And these regions of the brain, specifically when we look at neuroimaging, we're looking at sort of that moral reasoning, that perspective we take, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's that self-awareness, we have to have perspective, and sort of that social cognition, right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: That social part of it.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, also, I think research that Brene Brown talks about with healthy versus unhealthy, I think this is a really um cool thing to see, is when we look at something that's healthy regarding guilt, this leads to accountability and it motivates us to repair that relationship, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're holding ourselves accountable.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: We realize, okay, yes, I I made a mistake, I am self-aware, but I want to repair this.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: So with the repair, we have an outcome of usually there's an apology that happens, there hopefully is a behavior change recognizing.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then that relationship is ultimately repaired.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: If we look at the unhealthy side of guilt, our responsibility is distorted.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: A person feels responsible for things outside of their control.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, I think you know, unhealthy is parents blaming themselves.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, caregivers feeling guilty for needing rest, right?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Is another really good example.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that, with parenting and caregiving, right, this guilt, unhealthy piece can be something that is adaptive, it's something that we're gonna do.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: We have to recognize, okay, I have to undo that unhealthy part.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I think Brene Brown really describes that very well um in some of her research.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then lastly, because we are therapists, that mental health and guilt sort of link.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: We see this with depression, um, specifically, right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Depression looking at mood, anxiety, right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: With anxiety, we can go back to that control piece, PTSD, trauma related, and then OCD, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Under that anxiety umbrella.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: And Beck's research shows a lot of this.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Beck ultimately looks at depression, and we have this when we see the depression link to guilt, we see this inflated responsibility, this rumination over past mistakes and ruminating over things, right?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Overly thinking or sitting with it and letting it sort of weigh us down, weigh our mood down.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So looking at depression, right?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: That unhealthy part, but thinking about this healthy part once again, healthy guilt, right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: If we can switch that negative, unhealthy to positive, this helps us stay aligned with our values, that healthy piece.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: It can ultimately repair those relationships.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're now growing from it.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: So anything you want to add, Tatiana, with that sort of mental health guilt link.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna probably go back up to a little bit about that healthy versus unhealthy, you know, element and component, because I think you're bringing up you mentioned something that I think was really important about just like parents blaming themselves, caregivers feeling guilty for needing rest.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I hear this come up time and time again about feeling guilty for taking and setting aside time for yourself to recuperate and refresh.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I often hear, you know, I feel guilty for leaving my kiddos or for not being, you know, available for X, Y, and Z for this person.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I know when I've when I've talked with you know various individuals about that feeling, I'm like, but what are you doing that's like bad?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing that's causing harm by stepping away?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I find sometimes when we're able to kind of talk that through a little bit or kind of sit with that little bit of reflective moment that the realization isn't really that it is guilt, it's likely something else underneath that as well.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just I wanted to kind of go back to that because I see that coming through time and time again of feeling guilty as a parent for you know, X, Y, and Z.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you you don't know, you don't know what you don't know and um when it comes to certain things with kiddos or when it comes to caregiving um as well.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, the the piece about um also just having that healthy guilt and staying aligned with your values and repairing relationships is think is so so important um to be able to recognize um within all of this.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Any other thoughts for you?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I know you just shared the research, but I mean, I think going back to sort of again that healthy, unhealthy piece, um, when guilty for needing rest, not only, you know, I mentioned parenting and caregiving, but I think when we caregive for um like a parent, right?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or we caregive for a spouse, really self-care comes to mind, right?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: That needing rest piece, it might be physically, yeah, we need to take a nap, right?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or we just need to lay down.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it also is that need for self-care and having that balance, and that's where the healthy part can also come in is balancing self-care.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: So that also just made me think as you're talking about that parenting side, that parenting piece, you know, caregiving is is something personally that I've done for the past 11 years for my husband.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: So needing rest for me also equals self-care.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they can so easily get skewed when based off of like events or circumstances, and so it's always really, really helpful to be mindful of that.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I work with a lot of um moms, I do a lot of preparing and in the perenatal mental health like community, working with a lot of um individuals that are preparing to get into parenthood.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this is definitely one thing that we talk about is the self-care component of getting your rest, making sure you're eating, taking care of you so that you can right take care of others.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we've kind of maybe gone off in a little bit of a different direction than talking about guilt, but I think those just kind of those those things that really stand out and are really important to talk about, I think, and highlight.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about what might be some phrases, sayings, how do we feel this like in our body and what's kind of going on through all of the different stages and ages that we go through in life.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, what might a kiddo say or what might they kind of come up with and say that leads you to believe that they might be feeling that emotion of guilt?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: They might say, I'm sorry, be very apologetic.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't mean to, especially if they like made a mess.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they might question based off of perhaps what they're observing in body language.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Are you mad at me?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Especially after doing something.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Kids will ask a lot of questions trying to check in.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, please don't be upset.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: They might ask for help in fixing something, especially if they're feeling guilty about what they did, feeling that remorse.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, how might this look?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: What might we observe in some of the behaviors?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: They might be very tearful, overly eager to make things better.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they might be clingy, they might be wanting to offer their toys in exchange for something maybe that they did, or trying to find some comfort.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: They might describe it as feeling in their body like their their tummy hurts.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna see like the tearful eyes, like they want to cry.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when kiddos feel like they've done something wrong or feel guilty, they might hide, like whether it's behind a caregiver, if it's something that they've done to someone else, or they might go and find a place to to just kind of sit and be and to avoid certain um interactions or situations.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: They might appear restless, maybe even fidgety.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: They just feel bad, they feel heavy, perhaps.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that might be something that little kids are saying um or experiencing what might kids say, maybe these are kiddos five and up.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's my fault, I shouldn't have done that.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I feel bad about it, I ruined this.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Can I make it up to you?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Might be overly apologetic as well.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And they may describe it as feeling like heavy in their chest, their stomach hurts.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because this also leads right to a little bit of that feeling of anxiousness.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna feel some very similar body experiences as anxiousness or worry, tight throat, lump in their throat, restlessness, uh wanting to confess or share kind of what happened, maybe even overly sharing and being expressive at times as well, depending on the relationship.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: So some things to be aware of.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: What might a teenager say?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: How might they express that they're feeling guilt?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: They might say something along lines.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I messed up, I feel bad, I can't believe I did that, I don't know how to fix it, those kinds of things.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: They may also express that they're feeling tight-chested, a racing heartbeat, their face might be feeling a little bit warm or flushed, they have a sinking feeling in their stomach, jittery, uneasy.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: They may not be able to sit still, overthinking spirals, difficulty sleeping, perhaps if they're feeling guilty about something.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're seeing some changes or shifts in your teenager's behavior, I just want to check on what's been going on.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And they might also be trying to avoid certain situations, people, or once again immediately apologize to kind of appease how they're feeling.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some other things that adults might say, I feel responsible.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: I cross the line, I should have handled that better.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I can't shake this feeling.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: I need to make it right.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: I regret what I said or what I did.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I feel remorseful.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not who I want to be.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I let others down.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: I let myself down.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: I feel responsible.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I keep thinking about what I could have done or should have done differently.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Need to fix this.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what might they be feeling in their body?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: They might feel some maybe pressure in your chest, tightness, stomach churning, tension, definitely in shoulders or neck, especially when we experience heightened emotion.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: It may likely be ruminating or replaying the certain situations, scenarios.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as well.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, difficulty sleeping may definitely pop into there um for yourself if you're overthinking kind of the impact you may have had on a situation.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And there might be an urge to cry, uh, feeling restless, and like a pit in your stomach or tight throated.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: So definitely some different ways that we might be experiencing how we feel that guilt in that way.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Any questions or any anything else you want to add to that?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um and what we just shared?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think it's so important to kind of recognize what we might say, but also recognize how our body feels um because that mind-body connection piece, it's so important.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: So just highlighting that and really kind of thinking through, I think it also helps us be better listeners, right?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: For listening what somebody might say, but also we may see their body responding, right?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: If we're a parent and we see our teenager or a kid shaking or, you know, kind of telling us, oh, my heart's beating fast, recognizing sort of those signals.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think it's it's super important to just be aware.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just be aware.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: So that's all I want to add to that.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think you're bringing up also a really um good piece surrounding this is that if you're hearing anyone make these comments or statements, um, being overly apologetic, I feel responsible, I cross the line.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Also, don't be afraid to check in with them.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Are you feeling guilty?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel guilt?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what you're feeling?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because some people will tell you if that's not it, or someone will correct you if that's not true of their experience.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because like I think I mentioned, right, there's there's some parallels here with like anxiousness or worry.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel guilty or are you feeling worried about something or concerned about you know a piece?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then that that leads to how do we resolve repair or move forward with kind of processing some of those emotions as well.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a really important piece.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, all right.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we've come to the the point or episode.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk about maybe a mini tool or Takeaway.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to hand it back to you.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what do you have for us?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think you've got some really helpful.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: So this is just sort of this quick research-based mini tool.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just a simple repair and release.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: So step one, right?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're asking ourselves, did I harm someone?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And if we did, then the answer is okay, we're going to repair that.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: How are we going to repair that?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Self-awareness is key.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: So apologizing and taking responsibility.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: If the answer is no, right?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: We did not harm someone, then releasing it, how are we going to release that?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we're going to challenge that distorted thought that we might have.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to practice self-compassion.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: And you can even imagine yourself releasing it, you know, some imagery here where you're going to put sort of that that challenging distorted thought on a cloud and you're just going to watch it float by.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you're going to write it imaginatively on a piece of paper and tie it to a balloon and release it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so repairing it and releasing it, that's sort of a really quick um tip for when we're feeling guilty and what we can do in that moment.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: What mini tool do you have?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: You have a kind of a slightly different one, which is great.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think one of the things that really stands out, especially with the feeling and emotion of guilt, is apologies and saying I'm sorry.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And like I mentioned a little bit earlier.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's important, yes, if there has been harm done and if you have the awareness, you know, surrounding that, taking that accountability and responsibility by apologizing.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it might sound um something along the lines of just maybe even filling in these blanks.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm sorry for, label the action, what kind of happened, the situation, the scenario, taking the responsibility accountability by saying I understand it affected you by because this is part of the apology process, is really recognizing what I did to bring up this negative perhaps interaction.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And next time I will maybe be more mindful of my words.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're gonna fill in that blank next time I will.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: And is there anything that would help to repair, resolve anything else that you're gonna ask for the other person's kind of feedback on that?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think also on the other side of this, too, if you someone is apologizing to you and they're just saying, I'm sorry, say, well, what are you sorry for?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make sure that I understand.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And simply because someone says I'm sorry and apologizes also does not mean that you have to accept it if it doesn't really align with how you feel.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that's the other piece is simply saying I'm sorry doesn't mean that it's okay to do this again or we're not gonna come back to this, or so where I think there's another true element of sometimes we think that we just have to go through the relationship dynamic emotions of and and steps to say, like, okay, you apologized, okay, we can move forward when sometimes that may in fact not be the case or appropriate based off of the situation or circumstance.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Any thoughts with respect to that?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: I love that sort of this this apology, you know, formula, this quick thing for recognizing, okay, you know, what am I sorry for?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And having sort of that, you know, that self-awareness piece once again to either accept the apology or say, you know what, no, I I I I don't accept this because of whatever reason.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's a powerful thing to be self-aware of.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, on both sides, whether you're apologizing or on the other end of receiving an apology.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I love I love that of formula.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's great.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wonderful.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, well, one last I think one last piece here.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think along the lines too of what you mentioned in terms of releasing, and sometimes it can be a really helpful component and piece to extend yourself some of that self-compassion is that I can learn without punishing myself.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe take that way as a blanket statement if you're feeling guilty about anything that's come up for you, anything you may have done or any situations, but also recognizing them as a learning opportunity and what you may be able to shift and adjust for yourself moving forward.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll leave you with that last piece.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, uh, we will wrap up for today.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: In the next episode, we'll explore shame, what it is, and how it shows up in the body.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped you out, consider subscribing and sharing with someone who could also use better words for what they feel.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll catch you on the next episode.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: See you later.