Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / Nicky Minaj as White House Press Secretary?
Transcript
- 0:00The White House makes a shocking announcement
- 0:01about the next press secretary. We love Trump.
- 0:05And as the midterms loom, people start imagining
- 0:07the White House upon Trump's departure. Careful
- 0:09with that one, it's heavy. Yeah, got it. Nicki
- 0:17Minaj has been traveling with Trump today, prompting
- 0:19the White House to muse about her serving as
- 0:21press secretary. But what we do know is Nicki
- 0:24Minaj is giving the president a new ass to talk
- 0:26about. By the way, I looked at one hell of a
- 0:29beautiful ass before Nicki Minaj. Vivek Ramaswamy
- 0:34was seen rapping to Eminem. And Susan Dell makes
- 0:40some cameo appearances in the Oval Office. Welcome
- 0:43to the MAGA celebrity circus. Good afternoon.
- 0:46Thank you for coming. Leading off today, the
- 0:48headwinds appear to be against Donald Trump,
- 0:50with Americans disapproving of his handling of
- 0:52practically every issue imaginable. But Donald
- 0:55Trump has a rather different way of looking at
- 0:57the numbers. I'm polling at 99 % in Israel. But
- 1:01with the midterms approaching, Republicans have
- 1:03a rather more immediate problem persuading American
- 1:06voters. Vivek Rambaswamy is giving it everything
- 1:09he's got on the campaign trail. He's starting
- 1:15to look almost as desperate for street cred as
- 1:18Cash Patel. And things are looking bleak enough
- 1:20that the internet is already imagining what the
- 1:22Oval Office might look like when Trump's finally
- 1:24gone. Careful with that one, it's heavy. Yeah,
- 1:30got it. So Trump is trying just about anything
- 1:34to get attention back on his side. From taking
- 1:37suspiciously keen interest in Senator John Husted's
- 1:40ass. I looked at his ass and I've never done
- 1:42that with a man before. It's true. To bringing
- 1:44out the celebrity heavyweights. We love Trump.
- 1:52We love Trump. We love, we love Michigan. That's
- 1:59right, Nicki Minaj was singing Traveling with
- 2:01the President today. Here she is stepping off
- 2:03Air Force One, having apparently taken the opportunity
- 2:05to give herself a little tour of the presidential
- 2:08aircraft. Behind her, one staff member is struggling
- 2:16to maintain his professional composure. She was
- 2:22on her way to speak at Trump's rally, where the
- 2:24President found a rather unusual way to introduce
- 2:26his special guest. Remember, he'd only just been
- 2:29discussing Senator John Huston's backside. Then
- 2:35briefly tried to reinforce his heterosexuality
- 2:38and somehow managed to segue smoothly from John
- 2:44Huston's ass to Nicki Minaj's ass. And with that
- 3:00warm presidential introduction, Nicki took the
- 3:02stage. And we're not going to give up because
- 3:06we want our children to grow up in a place where
- 3:09we can be proud of. We want people to leave the
- 3:12children alone, leave them out of it, right?
- 3:15Well, if that's Nicki's goal, I think she might
- 3:17have hooked her anchor to the wrong candidate.
- 3:19Nicki, ever heard of the Epstein files? If you
- 3:22run again, I will support you again. Now on the
- 3:30face of it, bringing out Nicki Minaj looks like
- 3:32an attempt to inject some celebrity star power
- 3:34into Trump's campaign and energizes MAGA base.
- 3:38But there may be another opportunity here. That's
- 3:41White House Communications Director Stephen Chung
- 3:43posting this clip of Nikki praising Trump and
- 3:45prompting speculation about her next career move.
- 3:58An interesting business strategy. Go bankrupt,
- 4:00then rebrand it as a success story. Well, based
- 4:10on that logic, the first step is for America
- 4:13to go bankrupt so Trump can rebuild it. And it
- 4:16looks like we're already on our way with the
- 4:18record 40 trillion debt that Trump's helped us
- 4:20build. Anyway, what people noticed most was what
- 4:24Stephen Chung said on this clip. He said, Ladies
- 4:26and gentlemen, I think we have found the new
- 4:28White House press secretary. We assume or perhaps
- 4:32hope that Stephen Chung is joking because given
- 4:35the recent revolving door at the White House
- 4:36press podium, including Katie Zechariah's brief
- 4:39five day tenure, we wouldn't necessarily dismiss
- 4:42the possibility that Stephen is at least entertaining
- 4:44the idea. What we can say for certain is that
- 4:47the internet had some fun with the suggestion.
- 4:50Here's the moment reimagined with Stephen Chung
- 4:52as Jabba the Hutt sitting alongside Nicki Minaj.
- 4:56In a galaxy not so far away, the empire apparently
- 4:59is still hiring. And the internet was quick to
- 5:02imagine what it would look like if Nicki Minaj
- 5:04was press secretary. Good afternoon. Thank you
- 5:08for coming. I'm here to set the record straight.
- 5:11We are going to make Washington fabulous again.
- 5:14My plan is simple. More glitter, less gridlock.
- 5:18Thank you. God bless America. And here's another
- 5:22one. But Nicki Minaj was not the only mega celebrity
- 5:36to steal a show on the internet this week. One
- 5:38of our favorite characters has come back for
- 5:40a cameo, Susan Dell. She's appearing in a new
- 5:43AI dance video almost daily now. I don't know
- 5:49about you, but I love seeing Susan Dell in all
- 5:51these strange situations. If I could just ask
- 5:54her one question, how does she dance like that
- 5:57in those heels? That's pretty amazing. And yesterday
- 6:02we covered Barack Obama's rally where he made
- 6:04a joke that said that Trump's White House looked
- 6:07like Saddam Hussein opened a cheesecake factory
- 6:09there. Well, one AI creator took this literally
- 6:12and made quite an epic piece.