Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / Stop Minimizing The Good
Transcript
- 0:02Constance Lavonice: Conversations.
- 0:03Constance Lavonice: You may be doing well.
- 0:10Constance Lavonice: You may be growing.
- 0:11Constance Lavonice: You may be making progress and even doing things that once seemed impossible.
- 0:18Constance Lavonice: But when someone points it out, you start explaining it away.
- 0:24Constance Lavonice: Someone compliments you and you immediately find a reason why the compliment doesn't count.
- 0:32Constance Lavonice: You do something well, but you focus on the one thing you did wrong.
- 0:38Constance Lavonice: Someone tells you you're beautiful, but you immediately point out what's wrong with your appearance.
- 0:45Constance Lavonice: Someone tells you that you're a good mother, friend, leader, wife, or grandmother.
- 0:53Constance Lavonice: And instead of receiving it, you explain why they're wrong.
- 1:00Constance Lavonice: You say, oh, it's nothing.
- 1:02Constance Lavonice: Anybody could have done that.
- 1:04Constance Lavonice: I just got lucky.
- 1:06Constance Lavonice: It wasn't really that good.
- 1:08Constance Lavonice: I could have done better.
- 1:10Constance Lavonice: If that sounds familiar and it's a pattern, you may be minimizing or discounting the positive things in your life.
- 1:22Constance Lavonice: A habit of dismissing the good, a cognitive distortion, which is a psychological term describing an inaccurate pattern of thinking that can cause stress in our everyday lives.
- 1:41Constance Lavonice: It can negatively impact our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being.
- 1:50Constance Lavonice: Welcome to Wholeheart Conversations, a place for Christian women to grow spiritually, heal emotionally, and live whole.
- 2:01Constance Lavonice: I'm your host, Constance Lavonice.
- 2:05Constance Lavonice: A quick reminder: this information is intended to provide educational and inspirational content and is not a substitute for therapy.
- 2:15Constance Lavonice: If you need support, always consult a qualified professional for individualized treatment.
- 2:23Constance Lavonice: In a crisis or emergency, contact your local emergency services or call or text 988.
- 2:33Constance Lavonice: Here we talk about biblical faith, mental health, and whole heart, spirit, soul, and body resilience because God cares about every part of who we are.
- 2:47Constance Lavonice: Minimization or discounting the positive is when someone minimizes, dismisses, or invalidate positive experiences.
- 3:01Constance Lavonice: It happens when we acknowledge something positive, but immediately explain it away.
- 3:08Constance Lavonice: You say, I got the promotion, but they probably just needed someone.
- 3:14Constance Lavonice: I handled that difficult conversation well, but anybody could have done it.
- 3:21Constance Lavonice: My children are doing well, but I'm really not that good of a mother.
- 3:28Constance Lavonice: I've grown so much emotionally, but I still have problems.
- 3:34Constance Lavonice: I prayed and God answered.
- 3:37Constance Lavonice: But it was probably going to work out anyway.
- 3:41Constance Lavonice: Do you hear what happens?
- 3:44Constance Lavonice: The positive information enters your mind, and then you push it right back out.
- 3:51Constance Lavonice: You don't deny that something good happened.
- 3:55Constance Lavonice: You just refuse to give it the weight or truth it deserves.
- 4:01Constance Lavonice: And that distinction is important because you're training your brain to invalidate the good.
- 4:09Constance Lavonice: This isn't about pretending that everything is wonderful.
- 4:15Constance Lavonice: It's not about ignoring your weaknesses or telling yourself you're perfect.
- 4:21Constance Lavonice: And it definitely isn't about developing pride.
- 4:25Constance Lavonice: It's about learning to recognize and tell the whole truth.
- 4:32Constance Lavonice: As Christian women, we have to be especially careful here because sometimes we confuse minimizing ourselves with humility.
- 4:45Constance Lavonice: We may think, if I acknowledge that I'm good at something, I'm being prideful.
- 4:52Constance Lavonice: If I receive a compliment, I'm taking glory away from God.
- 4:58Constance Lavonice: If I recognize my accomplishments, I'm being self-centered.
- 5:05Constance Lavonice: But biblical humility doesn't require you to deny what God has done in you.
- 5:13Constance Lavonice: There's a difference between saying, I did this all by myself, and saying, God has given me abilities and I'm grateful for how He is using them.
- 5:26Constance Lavonice: Those are not the same thing.
- 5:29Constance Lavonice: We can acknowledge the gift without worshiping the gift.
- 5:34Constance Lavonice: We can recognize our growth without taking God's place.
- 5:39Constance Lavonice: We can receive a compliment without making ourselves the center of the universe.
- 5:46Constance Lavonice: In fact, refusing to acknowledge God's work in your life can be another kind of distortion.
- 5:55Constance Lavonice: If God has helped you to become more patient, why can't you acknowledge that?
- 6:01Constance Lavonice: If God has helped you establish healthier boundaries, why can't you celebrate that?
- 6:08Constance Lavonice: If you've learned to forgive, if you've become more emotionally regulated, if you've become more compassionate, if you've developed courage, if you've stayed faithful through a difficult season, why shouldn't you recognize it?
- 6:28Constance Lavonice: The question isn't how can I make myself look good?
- 6:34Constance Lavonice: The question is how can I accurately recognize what is true?
- 6:41Constance Lavonice: And here's what I want you to consider today.
- 6:46Constance Lavonice: When you continually minimize the positive, you can begin to develop a distorted picture of yourself.
- 6:58Constance Lavonice: And if your picture of yourself is distorted, it can affect the way you relate to God.
- 7:04Constance Lavonice: Think about it.
- 7:06Constance Lavonice: If every good thing you do is dismissed, if every area of growth is overlooked, if every answered prayer is explained away, if every gift is minimized, you're not seeing the full picture.
- 7:26Constance Lavonice: You're narrowing your vision.
- 7:30Constance Lavonice: Your mind has become so accustomed to looking for what's wrong, you've stopped noticing what's right.
- 7:38Constance Lavonice: You're not seeing God's hand in your life.
- 7:43Constance Lavonice: He desires for us to grow in the faith and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
- 7:57Constance Lavonice: You may begin to live with a distorted view of God.
- 8:03Constance Lavonice: You may believe that God is always looking at what you haven't done yet.
- 8:08Constance Lavonice: You may feel like you're always behind, always failing, never enough, never spiritually mature enough, never disciplined enough, never faithful enough, never good enough.
- 8:24Constance Lavonice: What if you're overlooking evidence of God's grace in your own life because you've become more comfortable seeing what's wrong than recognizing what's right?
- 8:38Constance Lavonice: You may have created a relationship with God that is driven more by shame than intimacy or relationship.
- 8:50Constance Lavonice: You may serve God constantly but struggle to enjoy God.
- 8:55Constance Lavonice: You may read the Bible but hear condemnation instead of invitation.
- 9:02Constance Lavonice: You may pray but spend most of your time apologizing for who you are rather than relating to the Father God who loves you.
- 9:14Constance Lavonice: You may constantly ask, What am I doing wrong?
- 9:18Constance Lavonice: instead of sometimes asking, Lord, what are you doing in me?
- 9:24Constance Lavonice: God is always at work in our lives.
- 9:29Constance Lavonice: Again, He desires for us to grow in the faith and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
- 9:39Constance Lavonice: That's 2 Peter 3 18, and to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
- 9:48Constance Lavonice: Romans 12 2.
- 9:51Constance Lavonice: Notice that Scripture connects transformation with the mind.
- 9:57Constance Lavonice: Our thinking matters.
- 10:00Constance Lavonice: The way we interpret our experiences matters.
- 10:04Constance Lavonice: The stories we tell ourselves matter.
- 10:08Constance Lavonice: And sometimes spiritual growth requires us to allow God to challenge the way we've learned to think about ourselves.
- 10:17Constance Lavonice: Maybe you've been saying, I'm just not good at anything.
- 10:22Constance Lavonice: But is that actually true?
- 10:25Constance Lavonice: Maybe you've been saying, I've made too many mistakes.
- 10:30Constance Lavonice: But does your history erase your growth?
- 10:35Constance Lavonice: Maybe you're saying I'm not the woman I should be.
- 10:39Constance Lavonice: But are you comparing yourself to an imaginary, perfect version of yourself rather than looking at the woman you were two or three or four years ago?
- 10:54Constance Lavonice: Sometimes the evidence of growth is not that you have arrived, it's that you're no longer where you used to be.
- 11:04Constance Lavonice: In Philippians four, verse eight, Paul tells believers to think about the things that are true, noble, pure, right, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
- 11:22Constance Lavonice: Notice the word true.
- 11:25Constance Lavonice: Christian thinking isn't positive thinking for the sake of positive thinking.
- 11:32Constance Lavonice: It's truthful thinking.
- 11:35Constance Lavonice: So if something is good, call it good.
- 11:39Constance Lavonice: If God has been faithful, acknowledge his faithfulness.
- 11:44Constance Lavonice: If you've grown, acknowledge the growth.
- 11:47Constance Lavonice: If someone has encouraged you, receive the encouragement.
- 11:52Constance Lavonice: If you have a gift, steward it.
- 11:55Constance Lavonice: If God has brought you through something, give him thanks.
- 12:00Constance Lavonice: This is not pride, it's truth.
- 12:04Constance Lavonice: And there's another side to this.
- 12:06Constance Lavonice: Discounting the positive doesn't only affect how we see ourselves, it can affect how we see other people.
- 12:16Constance Lavonice: Maybe someone does ten loving things for you, but you focus on the one thing they didn't do.
- 12:25Constance Lavonice: Your friend calls you every week, but you focus on the week she didn't call.
- 12:32Constance Lavonice: Your husband does many things to support you, but you focus on the one thing he forgot.
- 12:40Constance Lavonice: Your church family shows up for you, but you focus on the person who didn't.
- 12:47Constance Lavonice: This selective attention can unnecessarily distance us from others, straining relationships.
- 12:57Constance Lavonice: So how do we begin breaking the habit of minimizing the positive?
- 13:05Constance Lavonice: I'm going to give you four tips.
- 13:08Constance Lavonice: The first is to notice it, recognize the thought.
- 13:15Constance Lavonice: Listen for words like just, only, but anybody could.
- 13:23Constance Lavonice: When you hear yourself using these phrases after something positive, pause and ask yourself, am I discounting something good right now?
- 13:42Constance Lavonice: You don't have to judge yourself, just notice it.
- 13:46Constance Lavonice: And then secondly, ask, what is the evidence?
- 13:52Constance Lavonice: This is a cognitive behavioral skill that can help challenge automatic thoughts.
- 13:59Constance Lavonice: Instead of automatically believing your interpretation, examine it.
- 14:05Constance Lavonice: Challenge it.
- 14:06Constance Lavonice: If you say I'm not good at anything, ask.
- 14:11Constance Lavonice: What evidence supports that?
- 14:14Constance Lavonice: And what evidence doesn't?
- 14:16Constance Lavonice: If you say I haven't grown, ask.
- 14:20Constance Lavonice: Is that completely true?
- 14:23Constance Lavonice: Think about where you were emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and mentally a year ago.
- 14:32Constance Lavonice: What has changed?
- 14:33Constance Lavonice: What have you learned?
- 14:36Constance Lavonice: What patterns have you interrupted?
- 14:39Constance Lavonice: What have you survived?
- 14:42Constance Lavonice: Where have you become more like Christ?
- 14:44Constance Lavonice: Sometimes the evidence has been there all alone.
- 14:48Constance Lavonice: You just haven't been counting it.
- 14:51Constance Lavonice: Thirdly, give God credit without giving yourself no credit.
- 14:59Constance Lavonice: God does his work through you.
- 15:03Constance Lavonice: This is especially important for Christian women.
- 15:07Constance Lavonice: You don't have to choose between humility and healthy self-recognition.
- 15:13Constance Lavonice: You can say God did it, and he did it through me.
- 15:19Constance Lavonice: I recognize this ability as a gift from God.
- 15:24Constance Lavonice: I see growth in myself and I'm giving God glory for it.
- 15:30Constance Lavonice: That is very different from arrogance or pride.
- 15:34Constance Lavonice: You're not worshiping yourself, you're acknowledging the work of God.
- 15:39Constance Lavonice: And fourthly, practice receiving.
- 15:44Constance Lavonice: This may be the hardest one.
- 15:46Constance Lavonice: When someone gives you a sincere compliment, don't immediately explain it away.
- 15:53Constance Lavonice: Try simply saying thank you.
- 15:56Constance Lavonice: That's it.
- 15:58Constance Lavonice: If someone says you handled that really well, you don't have to say, Well, I almost lost it.
- 16:06Constance Lavonice: Just say thank you.
- 16:09Constance Lavonice: If someone says you're a good friend, you don't have to list all the ways you failed.
- 16:16Constance Lavonice: Say thank you.
- 16:18Constance Lavonice: That means a lot to me.
- 16:21Constance Lavonice: And when God brings something good into your life, practice receiving that too.
- 16:27Constance Lavonice: Pause, notice it, thank Him, celebrate it.
- 16:34Constance Lavonice: That's significant.
- 16:36Constance Lavonice: It's not just about stopping negative thoughts.
- 16:40Constance Lavonice: We also have to learn how to notice and receive positive information.
- 16:47Constance Lavonice: That might mean noticing I handled that better than I would have five years ago.
- 16:54Constance Lavonice: I recognized an unhealthy pattern.
- 16:57Constance Lavonice: I apologized.
- 16:59Constance Lavonice: I set a boundary.
- 17:01Constance Lavonice: I made it through a difficult day.
- 17:04Constance Lavonice: I trusted God even though I was afraid.
- 17:08Constance Lavonice: Those things matter.
- 17:10Constance Lavonice: Ladies, God wants us to grow and be transformed in our minds.
- 17:17Constance Lavonice: We don't honor God by constantly criticizing his workmanship.
- 17:23Constance Lavonice: Spiritual maturity isn't only about seeing what still needs to change, is also about recognizing what God has already changed.
- 17:35Constance Lavonice: So the next time you hear yourself say, It's nothing, pause.
- 17:40Constance Lavonice: Maybe it isn't everything, but it may be something.
- 17:45Constance Lavonice: Something God has done, something you have learned, something you have overcome, something you've grown through, something worth thanking God for.
- 17:59Constance Lavonice: And instead of minimizing it, try saying God thank you.
- 18:05Constance Lavonice: Help me see this accurately.
- 18:08Constance Lavonice: Because living whole doesn't mean pretending we're perfect.
- 18:14Constance Lavonice: Whole heart living means bringing our spirit, soul, and body into greater alignment with God's truth.
- 18:26Constance Lavonice: And sometimes that means allowing God to renew not only what we believe about Him, but what we believe about ourselves.
- 18:38Constance Lavonice: And if this message blessed you, subscribe and share this with the friend who needs it and leave a review so more women can find wholeheart conversations.