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Escaping the Trap of Perfectionism in Your Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 15, 2026 Escaping the Trap of Perfectionism in Your Marriage,
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  The danger of perfectionism is that the relentless pursuit of impossible standards
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  severely harms mental health, stunts personal growth, and paralyzes productivity.
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  That's a Google AI summation of various articles on the dangers of perfectionism.
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  I've known full-on perfectionists who were all of that and more.
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  They had scary family dynamics, doing anything they could to hide any imperfection
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  or problem in the family.
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  They would lie and got angry at their spouse and children didn't do the same.
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  One husband complained the plastic slipcovers were removed as the company pulled
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  up and put back on as soon as they left the house.
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  He felt his marriage was also kept in a slipcover.
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  That level of perfectionism crosses into mental health issues and is not common.
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  But a somewhat lower level of perfectionism is all too common and destructive
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  to individuals, marriages, and families.
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  One cause of perfectionism is growing up with a parent or parents who had unrealistic expectations.
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  This often manifests as only showing affection or attention when the child succeeds.
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  This creates a desperate chase for something that may not be reachable and certainly
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  can't be achieved in a sane, healthy way.
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  Some folks are still trying to meet mom or dad's standards years or decades later.
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  Some react by putting unreasonably high standards on their spouse and withhold
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  affection when that standard isn't met.
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  Other folks reject their parents' crazy expectations. This might lead to sane
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  standards for oneself, but it can also result in not trying or being okay with
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  doing less than you could and should.
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  Those who reject their parents' too high standards won't react well to a spouse
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  trying to set standards, even if what the spouse wants is reasonable.
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  If you are pushed with perfectionism and pushed back, ask yourself if you are
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  still pushing back out of habit Have you ever said, you're not the boss of me?
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  Do you feel it even if you haven't said it?
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  In most marriages, one spouse wants certain things done to a higher standard
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  than the other And usually, both have areas where their standard is higher This
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  can be a major battleground for couples Is your spouse's standard higher than
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  yours, or it's unreasonably high?
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  Is what they want possible without killing yourself? Is it just more than you want or unfair to ask?
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  If you both have places with higher standards, then you can do some give and take and make it work.
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  If one of you has higher standards about most things, that will take some negotiation.
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  Decide which of those things you really need done to your standard and which
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  you can live with done to a lower standard.
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  There certainly should be some sacrifice here, but too much of that will become a problem long term.
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  All this may require some third-party
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  help. Determining reasonableness is difficult if you'd never known it.
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  This is Paul, and Widget gives a hard no to slipcovers.