Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 291. Flashback Friday - Why Avoiding the Work Is Actually Harder

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291. Flashback Friday - Why Avoiding the Work Is Actually Harder · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self. You know what's funny? People,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I feel, get a little bit terrified of doing the work.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: You know what I think? What? I think it's harder
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: not doing the work.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, right? Yeah.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: It's harder not doing it. You're sitting in it so
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: much more because it's always there. You know, it's like.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: And it grows.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: It's gross.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It's like an infection.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: It's like in the back of your mind is a
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: sessing little fly. And it just stays with you no
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: matter what you do. And the heaviness from the things
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: that you aren't looking at or addressing... feel like they're
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: sitting on your shoulders every single day that you walk around,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: you know? And I think if I reflect back to
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: my life before I did personal development, I was a
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: shell of a human, a shell of myself. I wasn't open.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I wasn't playful. I wasn't sexually expressed. I couldn't be
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: a good friend. I couldn't hold space for people. Couldn't
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: even hold space for myself. And everything just felt heavy.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: And then when I started to unpack it, What I
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: learned was that the more that I would feel something,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: the more that I would process it. And then the
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: next day I would feel so much lighter. So it
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: was like, I got to take a brick out of
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: that backpack that I was carrying. And I thought that
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: was really impressive because I was like, wow, I can
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: feel all of these emotions in this one hour session
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: of therapy or like with a coach. And then I
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: can leave this session and then I can go on
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: and live my life.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: You feel so much lighter afterwards, hey? You do. But
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: it's like isolated.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: People think, oh, if I open up Pandora's box, it's
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: going to be fucked and I'm going to– I would
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: have a can of worms. Yeah. I'm never going to
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: be able to look away from this stuff. But it's
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: not the truth. It's like you create intentional time to
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: heal through it and then you go on and live
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: your life. And then the quality of life that you
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: get to live after the fact– is so much more
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: grand a client of mine explained it like this she
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: said working with you was like being colorblind and seeing
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: color for the first time wow that's so cool and
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I was like what a beautiful way to describe what
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: healing is because you do you feel so dull and
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: then just your life is suddenly this beautiful colorful vibrant
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: experience that you get to have in life I was
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: like He nailed it on the head.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: That is really freaking cool. I've never heard of it
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: like that. It was really cool. And it goes back
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: to that, what you just said, choosing your heart. Like
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: it's hard to do the healing and it's hard to stay,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: remain the same. It's hard to be angry at what's
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: happened in your past. And it's hard to go deep
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: into what's happened in the past, but choose your heart.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Like I'd rather be able to go there, get into it,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: release it, move through it lighter and take the lessons
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to be able to help other people than just stay
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: stuck in there for the rest of my life.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Both hard. Choose your hard.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: And also it's hard to carry as well.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: You know, think about like when we don't address something.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Let's say you had a partner cheat on you once
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: and you feel super resentful for that and now all
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: of a sudden your belief around men is really skewed
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: because you're like, well, men are cheaters, men are liars,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: men aren't safe, men don't protect women and all the
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: other things that come with that. you're carrying around that
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: resentment towards men and everyone just in everyday life.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Literally.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Think about the friends that you would address as men.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: You're automatically going to think he's shady, automatically going to
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: think that he just wants the next best thing. The
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: way that it impacts how you show up in everyday life,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: that hinders the relationships that you create, how you feel,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: what energy you're putting out in the world, what your
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: vibrational frequency is like when you're exchanging with people. And
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: it's just one of those things like it's so impactful
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: in the best way. The quality of life that you
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: experience is on a completely different playing field to what
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: you were previously when you were harboring all of those
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: emotions and that heaviness and pain. that you're carrying around
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: every single day.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: And it's exhausting. Oh, so exhausting. So exhausting. A question
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: that we had the other day in our Q &
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: A that we put on Instagram for suggested topics was
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: someone said, where do I start on my healing journey?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: It's so overwhelming. And I was like, yeah, it is.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: There are so many coaches and YouTube clips and TikToks
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: and everyone's saying to do this and that. And this
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: is the only way to do it. It's like, where
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: the fuck do I start? Yeah. I wouldn't even know
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: where to begin to start. Like I started by doing
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: a course that kind of got really addicted after that
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: just to just wanting to learn more about myself and
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: understand human psychology more and why people do the things
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: they do and how I can be 1% better. But
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: where would you recommend someone starting if they're like, I
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: know I've got shit here. I'm willing. I'm ready. What
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: do I do? Where do I go?
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Well, that's a good question. I think it depends on
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: where you are at, what you're willing and able to
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: invest into yourself. Yeah.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So to be high in money.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: High in money, all of those things.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Resources.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: I think you can't go wrong with books, to be honest. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's a good way to start, isn't it? Just start
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: reading and taking some information.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I think the first book that I ever read was
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, I think
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: is the book. That was a good place for me
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: to start because it helped me bring focus to my awareness.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: And I feel like that's a really important step to
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: being able to do this work. But to be honest,
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: for me personally, and if you can hire a coach
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: and you have the means to hire a Because it
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter who you go to, how long you do
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: it for, or what you go into them for, you
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: will unravel a world of things that you've experienced within
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: that timeframe. So it doesn't matter what you start with.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what you go for. As long as
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: you feel emotionally connected to the coach or the person
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: or the healer, you feel safe, you feel like you
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: connect with them, you resonate with them, and you feel
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: like they're going to be able to support you through
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: the journey. That's all you need. If you can start there,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: highly recommend because you will save so much time going
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: from book to book to program to program when you
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: get that personalized level of support.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: So different, isn't it?
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: It's all about you, right? You can read someone's book
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: and go, wow, this is important. I can apply this
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: to my life. But when you're plugged into a coach,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: they learn everything about you.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: The roadblocks.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Everything. Like I worked with a coach for three and
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: a half years because we worked together for so long.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: What would have taken me and a new coach an
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: hour and a half, two hours, three hours, five sessions
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: would have taken this coach five minutes to unpack with
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: me because she learned me. She understood my trauma. She
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: understood my reactivity. She understood my deepest wounds.
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  Speaker 1: Everything.
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  Speaker 2: Everything that I would do. Yeah. And that for me,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: going on that journey of my own personal development journey
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: and working with a coach, allowed me to really see
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: and learn everything about myself through the way that that
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: person coached me. And that's how you learn.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Most successful people that I know, what I deem to
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: be successful, they have a coach. Even my coach, Taylor,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: who I put on a pedestal and think he's just
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: the bee's knees, he's had the same coach for over
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: 10 years.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: He's her weekly. She trains at his gym now. Actually,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: in one of my sessions the other day, we were
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: talking about liver and sleep and my body and everything.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And she was about to do a class and he
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, Jo, can you come over? Could you
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: explain this in your own terms? And she spoke about
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: it from her experience. And I was like, wow, that's cool.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Everyone I know. And he is. Yeah. I went to that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: He was like, why would I not continue to grow
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: and have support and keep exploring myself? In my head,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you know it all. Yeah. What more can
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you learn?
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Always more that you can learn. I think too, even
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: if you can't afford a coach or anything. I know
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: you do what you call an audit call. And even
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: what you do in those, I'm like, wow. And I
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: know some other coaches that call them discovery calls or
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: just a call basically to see if you're aligned, see
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: if you connect. I'll just use you as an example
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: because you can talk about it. But I know that
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: you take them through, is it 30 minutes? 30 to 45. Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So you get to know them a little bit where
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: they're at. You look at their roadblocks and then you
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: give them tools and strategies and tips on how to
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: move through that. And that's free. That's just free. That's
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you're just giving your time. Even just that, you learn
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: so much about yourself. So then you've got a clear
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: path of like, okay, now I know what I want
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to focus on. I have tips and some strategies to
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: get there. And if I want to go deeper, I
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: can hire you. Or even I know like when I
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: was learning about attachment styles, go on YouTube. It's all free.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: You type in attachment style, anxious attachment. There is millions
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: of videos that will explain it in so many different
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: terms and situations. You can always find things on YouTube.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Steve is I love the way he learns. When he
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: wants to learn about something, it is all he will do.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: He will look on every YouTube. He will read every book,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: audio book, and he will just immerse himself in something
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: until he can fully explain and teach it properly.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I love that about you. I love
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: how he learns like that.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: That's cool.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: There's endless information through podcasts, through books, through coaches, group courses,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: face-to-face courses. There's so much help out there to help
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: you on your healing journey. You don't have to do
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: it alone, but it's just like, yeah, how much you're
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: ready to invest, time. money and energy and effort yeah
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah so freaking cool but so necessary for everyone.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: It really is it's hard to not have access these
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: days yeah like we have access to so much.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Stuff compared to our parents they had nothing.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: They had nothing none of this stuff was normalized for
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: them no.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You know getting therapy would have meant you were broken
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: when my mom sometimes we have conversations around she's like
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: oh i wish like i knew this when i was
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: your parent like i She always compliments me on how
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I parent. She's like, I just love how you did that.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I did not do that for you. I said, yeah,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: but you didn't also have the resources I have. I've
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: had life coaches. If I'm struggling with something in parenting,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I'll listen to it on an app or I'll go
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: on YouTube or I'll follow a parenting coach on Instagram
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: and binge watch their content until I feel confident in
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: what I want to implement. You were literally like free-balling it.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: That's the word. You were just like winging it.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Winging it.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You were actually winging it and you were doing better
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: than what your parents did and But we have so
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: much resources at our fingertips. We're so spoiled with it.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: There's no excuse to not be better, really. I agree.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Do the work, guys.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: And do the work. And you know what? It's like
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: when people say like, oh, that's just how I am. No.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Stop it.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Don't come up in here with that bullshit. I do not.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Not like that bullshit.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I love you, but hard conversation.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I do not like it when people say that. I
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: feel like I used to be that person. So I
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I get what it feels like to be there because
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: you're just like, well, this is just who I am.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: This is what I do.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: This is how I think. This is how I act.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: If you don't like it, so yeah. Take it or
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: leave it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: You either love me or you don't, you know?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Love me or you hate me. I don't care.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: The reality is our biggest desire is belonging.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And our biggest fear is abandonment.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Then you've just got to be willing to do
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: the work and take responsibility because if you want to
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: have a life that is, you know, inclusive of other
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: people and community and people that you love and also
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: raising children and having a partner, a lifelong partner, it
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: requires this level of connection. It requires this level of self-exploration.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: It requires self-responsibility, all of the aspects.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to take responsibility? Every single person,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: including myself, including you. Including me.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Everyone. Yeah.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it's been really hard growing up to say
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: sorry and to take responsibility. And I think we're pretty
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: good at it now.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Even under the last two years, I've improved drastically. But
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: before that, I found it so damn difficult.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to admit I was wrong because then
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I'm out of the tribe.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: No one's going to love me if I admit I'm wrong.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Why would they want to be friends with me if
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I admit that? Yeah. And saying sorry, I just never
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: saw that growing up. And I know that sounds like
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: an excuse, but I really didn't know how. It just
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: felt so unfamiliar in my body. And I also thought
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: that's admitting fault. Yes. So then they're going to leave me. Yeah.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: So I would find every other reason as to why
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: it's not my fault.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And blame everything else. Absolutely. It doesn't get you anywhere.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: No, it doesn't.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: No, it definitely doesn't. I'm a younger version of Ashley. Absolutely.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's the admitting fault part. Yeah.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's the ego.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: If I admit fault, then I'm in the wrong. Then
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I have consequences to being in the wrong. Yeah. And
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: also as well, we just don't like being wrong.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: We like being right because our ego is like, I
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: must be right. Yeah.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: It's so strange when you actually pull yourself out and
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: just think of it because Even when Taj sometimes doesn't
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: want to admit that he's done something wrong, I'm like, dude,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: it's fine. It's all good. You're not in trouble. You've
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: never been grounded in your life. Nothing's going to happen.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Just say, shit, mom, I'm sorry. I forgot you said that.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I won't do it again. But it's so hard. So hard. Yeah,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I turn the TV on when I shouldn't have turned
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: the TV on. The other day I came home from
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: the gym and there's no TV in the morning. And
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I can see when you drop me off, I can
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: see the bloody TV on.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, good morning, babe. What are the rules?
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: And he quickly turns it off. He's like, oh, I
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: wasn't watching it.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I was like. You were.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Well, you were. You were. And I could see the
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: shame in him. And I was like, you're not in trouble.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is a boundary and I need
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: you to respect the boundary because we trust each other.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: If I say to do something, you do it behind
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: my back, I'm not going to trust you. Trust is
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: a really important thing in all of our relationships. And
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you could just see him like so uncomfortable with admitting
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: and saying, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. You
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: know what? What? It's that part.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: It's the feeling that comes with being at fault.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: That no one can handle, no one.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It's shameful. You feel embarrassed, hey?
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: It's the discomfort.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: It's discomfort, yeah. You can see it in little kids too.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, when I see it in him, I
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: feel so bad because I don't want him feeling like that.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: It's that fine balance of, well, this is how he
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: has to learn.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's almost like teaching them that that feeling of
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: feeling like you've disappointed someone is not necessarily a bad thing.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: It's showing you what to do better. Yes. And I
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: think we can reframe it like that. And this is
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: so cool. This conversation, you just saying that about Taj,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: imagine if we all learned how to deal with that
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: feeling of discomfort or feeling like we're disappointing someone that
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: we love, but using it as fuel to make better
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: decisions as opposed to go, I'm so bad and wrong
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: and I fucked up.