Latest / Two Girls and a Cup of Wellness / Mental Load & Mom Burnout: Why Your Brain Won't Shut Off with Sara Walsh | Ep 39
Transcript
- Crissy: Hey everyone and welcome back for another Two Girls and a Couple Wellness Chat. This is Chrissy. And this is Marie. And today we have Sarah Walsh. Welcome and thank you so much for being here. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Thank you so much for having me. Crissy: So, so happy you are here. Sarah, Sarah and I met literally a year ago. It's just about a year ago. And Sara Walsh, LCSW: That's right. It has been almost a year. Crissy: immediately, I swear, I think we just started just And I just I adore you. I you are such a a warm soul. And when in your presence, I just like immediately I I connect with you. And you know, we connected Sara Walsh, LCSW: Thank you. Crissy: energy to energy. We also are breast cancer thrivers. And you mentioned that you are a two time cancer thriver. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: you said breast cancer, and what was the other? Amazing. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Hotchkin lymphoma. That was the my latest one. Yeah, it was ten years ago with the breast cancer and three years Hodgkin's lymphoma. Yeah. Crissy: Okay. And look at you like just beaming and glowing right now. Sara Walsh, LCSW: well thank you. I think that that's important for people to know, right? that you know, Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: there's life after cancer. And yeah, I mean I could talk a lot about my journey. I I mean it's just been it was actually y you know, like when people talk about hard things in their life and then they're so grateful they they have them, that's how I feel. It it really helped Crissy: Yeah. Mm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: me to really appreciate life, appreciate a gratitude. And Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: just really helped me to grow professionally, personally. It's been a it's been a Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: journey. Crissy: I I wanna talk about I mean we're gonna talk about both professional and personal, but from the per professional standpoint, were you already practicing before you got diagnosed? Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, I've I've been a social worker for longer than I'm gonna admit here. and been practicing psychotherapy about twenty years, I would say. always well, I did full-time psychotherapy for Jewish Family Service in West Palm. I was the director of their domestic abuse program. During that time I developed breast cancer and that agency was so wonderful to me during that time. And I also then I left and I started a private practice right around COVID, which a lot of therapists did, right? So Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I had I was working nonprofit, doing nonprofit work, and then on the side private practice through the breast cancer journey and then three years ago the Hodgkin lymphoma, I really I realized how mental health in the cancer in cancer treatment is secondary, third, fourth. And it's just not Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: really addressed the way I Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: think it should be. And I thought, you know, this is really a niche, this is something that's necessary, and began to really feel this intuition, this voice inside that was saying, you need to have a private practice specialized in this area. You can do this, you can do this. And I finally I worked at Shar Sharet, which is a breast cancer organization. and from there decided that I wanted to do this full time. So two years ago, wellness counseling group was born, and it's been a really wonderful opportunity to connect with local and statewide oncology professionals, cancer centers, and be able to provide specialized care. because it's it's Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, a cancer survivor needs a therapist that understands that and you know what what what that entails Crissy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and helping them either through the journey or into survivorship. Crissy: Mm-hmm. And that's the thing. So many survivors after they're done with treatment are just they get lost and they get to this point of of where fear driven thoughts start to come and pop up. And that's how they take action is is based off of fear. So I Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: agree. And and every single survivor that I've spoken to kind of has that same thing of like, okay, what next? What do I do? So the work that you're doing in the world is is so beautiful in oncology. However, it's I I feel in every it like, you know, facet of life, everybody really should be talking about mental health. I mean, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Crissy: you know, we're we're having this conversation just unfortunately within the time where this whole Cornell Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: you know, story is is popping out. And I'm I'm seeing more and more women showing up on social media talking about their own sexual harassment or rape situations. And it's, you know, the more we talk about these things is so important because then more and more people realize that they're not alone. Right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Absolutely. One in three women will be sexually assaulted in their life. That's a lot of women. And you know, I I I I was reading Crissy: Wow. That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: of course, about this case and you know, thinking back to when I was in college, late eighties, and you know, my roommate was raped while she was intoxicated at a party. This is nothing new, guys. This is nothing new, and Crissy: Yeah, no, no. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I think it's really important. That well, there's a lot of things that are that I think are important, but that women are saying, you know what, this is happening, and talking more about it, like you said. We can't be silent. Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: We have to say, hey, this is happening. And of course, the mental health treatment associated with that is is very important as well. And and I can very much appreciate, I've seen a lot of stories about how they were talking about the victim, and it took her quite a while to even realize what happened to her in terms of yes, I I was raped. I was not conscious. Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I, you know, and of course there's the whole everyone was drinking and using drugs and there's just so many layers to this story. but I'm hoping that maybe there'll be some more education and more men stepping up saying, yeah. Crissy: Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know. This isn't right. It's it's interesting. There's so many times where women are taught to cover their drinks, don't wear certain outfits, be with women. But why aren't we talking and speaking up more and more about the men not doing it? Right. Right. Let's Sara Walsh, LCSW: Absolutely. Crissy: like talk about that for five. I mean Sara Walsh, LCSW: mean, where are the men? Where are the men who have really large platforms saying, hey, as Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: men, we need to step up and we need to, Crissy: Yeah. Right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, say this is wrong. There are some Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: younger, I mean, I think there's a lot of plus you know pros and cons to social media, but one of the things I'm seeing is there are a lot of young men who I'm seeing on my algorithm saying, This is ridiculous. Like, you know, so Crissy: Same. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and hopefully w you know, more mothers are saying how they're talking to their sons. So hopefully this will Raise some awareness. Crissy: Yeah. I mean I've talked to my boys. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I Sara Walsh, LCSW: Me too. Crissy: it and that's the thing. In any in any traumatic situation, there's an opportunity for growth. There's an opportunity to discuss things and bring things to light and change. So let's pray that that brings some some change into the world. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Exactly, exactly. Agreed. Crissy: so Let's talk a little bit about we our community has a lot of different women who listen. Some may be young, some may be older, perimenopause, premenopause. And I think it's really important. A lot of them are moms, as are we all. And Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: I think it's really important to understand And being able to talk freely about our own mental health as mothers, as caretakers, as being the ones that, you know, a lot of people go to for change and to do things. I where can we start with that type of topic for our listeners? Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Well, yeah, yeah. I mean I think that, you know, women are expected to do everything. And we're the caretakers happily. of course. Crissy: Happily. We're supposed to do it happily. Maybe with an apron and a smile. You're Sara Walsh, LCSW: How dare you complain? Crissy: right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, and aga and this is another topic I I remember when I was in graduate school reading a book, it was called The Second Shift. And I don't remember the author, but it was a and it blew my mind at that time, right? Twenty-one year old woman. the second shift is the shift that women, especially in the older generations, had to play after they went to their full time job, they came home and they had their second shift. Crissy: They had their sound job. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: And you know it's it's really true. So I think that as you know women particularly there's so much pressure to you know work outside of the home most I mean many, many, many women have to work outside of the home or they want to, Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and then have this responsibility at home for taking care of kids, for making sure usually now this is stereotypical, right? Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: But even so, I mean even even you know, this happens, I would say more than not. Okay, I don't know if you guys agree. But where the living discovery. Crissy: I I'm I'm loving this. I'm loving this conversation. Keep on going. So we gotta come home and we gotta do all the stuff. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah, what do we have to do? What's for dinner? I don't know. I mean I'm so Crissy: I don't know. I'm so over that question. Sara Walsh, LCSW: over it. luckily my my Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: kids are older and and I'm happily divorced, so I don't have to really worry about that. But I remember but I remember Crissy: I love that. I'm happily divorced. Sara Walsh, LCSW: having to worry about this and none of the you know I I I I you know, so you're worrying about that, you know, if your kids are younger, homework, bedtime. lunches the next day, laundry, dishes. I I I mean Crissy: Laundry, dishes. Laundry, discipline, issues. and then then you gotta go have sex. Right? It's like bedroom time. It's like seriously? That's the third shift. And we gotta and we got a red light and we gotta bounce up on rebounders and we gotta eat a hundred grams of protein every day. Don't forget all those nights. While working out. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, and we have to work out and we have to and we have to do yoga and zen and I mean, like, are you kidding me? yes, absolutely. Crissy: Right. Deep breathing. Everything. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: So there are many, many women who we see in the practice who I've treated who are trying to juggle all this, and there's a chronic sense of inadequacy, unfortunately. Because who Crissy: Yeah. And perfection too. Perfection as well, right? Yeah. yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: Anyways, yeah. I love inac adequacy too. That's a very hard word for me. Sara Walsh, LCSW: inadequacy. I'm surprised I came up with that. But yes, so you know, just Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: feeling like I can't do all of this. Nobody can. And so that's really something that I think therapy can really help. I'll tell you where therapy can help with this is really having someone outside of your world who doesn't have an agenda, who does not have an opinion about your life, who's completely separate. A space where it's safe to say things like, I cannot give my child a bath one more night, I'm ready to scream. Or, you know, I am much happier at work sometimes because home life is so stressful, or just things that you just don't want to admit, even to a friend or even to yourself. Crissy: Yeah. No, I I told one of my friends today that I don't really like my children. And Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: I don't even know if I feel bad about it right now because teenagers are not fun. And last night I felt this is terrible. This might be too much sharing, but last night I told Harry, pack your bags and go. I know you're only fifteen, but you can leave. Find a couch to sleep on. It's hard. It's hard. And you can't Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, I it's hard. It's Crissy: like Suppress the like I mean, I know I probably shouldn't say that I'm probably causing trauma, but then this morning he wakes up and he hugs and kisses me and I'm like, Don't you remember the fight last night? that he's able to to come back around. I'm like, Do you teenagers are hard and it's hard to be perfect and always like say the right thing and put that perfect face on while cooking and cleaning in your apron. But you Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: know, like remember that quote it takes a village. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: Right. Think about all of our ancestors. They didn't do it alone. They Sara Walsh, LCSW: No. Crissy: did it together in a like literally. All Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: the moms together were doing stuff. And if where something needed to be done and that mom didn't feel like they could, well then the grandmother did or this right. So it does take a village and it if It's hard. It's hard to everybody feels so lonely, but I think Sara Walsh, LCSW: Correct. Crissy: we need to remind ourselves, lean on people who love you because they want to help too. Sara Walsh, LCSW: And it's normal to feel like you're crazy and you're unhappy and you want to scream at your kids. I mean, I remember Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: actually I still do still do this sometimes with my twenty something year old. if there's dirty dishes in the sink, I remember walking into their bedrooms with their dirty dishes and putting it on their bed and saying, I can't, I what else do I have to do? What do I have Crissy: I love that. I do too. I'm stealing that. Sara Walsh, LCSW: to do? And they're like, You're crazy. I'm like, I don't care. Right? Like, yes, I am. Yes, I am. And if Crissy: Right. Right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: this is what's gonna get you to do your dishes, I'm gonna do it. But normalizing this stuff, which this which this wonderful podcast does, I think for women, normalizing all of these things that everyone is going through, Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: so you you don't feel like you're alone, you know, and realizing that Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you cannot do this perfectly. You just can't. Crissy: And realizing there is no such thing as perfection, right? There's not one perfect thing on this earth. So maybe my dog, she's pretty perfect. I mean, she is pretty darn cute. She really is. Yeah. So Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. One hundred percent. One hundred percent. you know, and I social media doesn't help with this, you know. We Crissy: No. Sara Walsh, LCSW: go on fake book, which I love to call it that. Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, perfect life, perfect you know, perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect vacation. It's like that's not yeah, perfect, yes, I'm working out, I'm running in a marathon. Crissy: Perfect body and perfect makeup. Perfect hair. Sara Walsh, LCSW: It's like okay, yes, those things are I'm sure gr fine. I I mean I'm sure they're accurate. But that's a snippet of someone's life. And someone who's really struggling Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: will look at that and say, This person's life is perfect, but that that's just not the case. Crissy: Yeah. And then they start to pull themselves away and they they change the dynamic of the relationship because one thinks one is perfect. And and instead of actually being able to talk organically about things and be able to talk about our feelings and the things that we were just talking about that make Sara Walsh, LCSW: Totally. Crissy: us quote unquote deemed to be a bad parent, which we're it's not, it's just life. We're being honest. I think if more people were honest and vulnerable and being able to share what it is that they're feeling, we might not have as much mental health. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: yeah. Right. Or anxiety in the world. And so Yeah, admitting that. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Yes. Well I think that also go ahead, Marie. Crissy: I was just saying in admitting that it's okay to feel that way, right? It's okay to not always like your children or your, you know, anything. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Correct. Yeah, it's just or or I'm feeling anxious, you know. And and and usually there's very legitimate reasons, you know. I Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: think that, you know, our society has incre you know, there's more reports of anxiety and depression and you know in ch in kids and adults more than ever, you know. I mean we're just you know, yeah. Crissy: I see it a lot. It's a lot. Yeah. You know, and it's heartbreaking and I mean, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: what is it? Is it Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm. Crissy: is it I think it's a I think I'm gonna answer my own damn question here. It's Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Crissy: Chrissy. It's you know, it is definitely the food and all of the toxins that we're consuming, right? But it's Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: also it is social media. Yeah. It's you're not we're Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, it is. Crissy: not having everything at your fingertips at all points of the day. Yeah. Like, think about, you know, I always say I used to have to go the library if I want to learn something. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: You know? Yeah, it was an effort. Right. Now you can literally just talk into the phone. You don't even have to type anymore. And you get that instant gratification of knowing Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: the answer right off the bat. And listen, I am guilty of it for sure. But it's it it it's it I I feel like it's a lot to do with that. Our we're literally carrying around mini computers and Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: cameras. And stereos and psychopedia. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Sara Walsh, LCSW: getting dopamine hits and getting dopamine hits and getting addicted to haha the laugh even just watching a funny video that's a hit that's a hit Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and then people wonder why they're restless, why they can't relax, why can't I just sit and read a book anymore? You know? Because we have to put the phones down. Crissy: Right. Can you give us right? I was just about to say, can you do you have any suggestions or tips? Because I too would love. Every now and then I'll be doing something and I can catch my little ego or my subconscious coming in. Check your phone, check your phone, check your phone. Right. And it's I go and I do it, and then I'm like, put it down, right? Because I'm mad at myself for checking it again. So What could be some really helpful tools or practices that myself and Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: our listeners and maybe you too, Marie? Drop it in the pool. Yeah. Drop it in the ocean. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Sure, sure. So I'm going to say this and I'm gonna I'm gonna say this knowing that I'm not perfect at this, so please don't think that I'm spending every evening in the bathtub, you know, with the music on. But I mean, I think that the more that we put limits and boundaries on our phone and on our electronics, the better. So for example, I tell my patients, you know, look, at and you have to decide what time works for you. But let's say Eight o'clock. I try I try to put my phone away, my laptop away at eight o'clock, and I will watch a program like right now it's Ted Lasso because it's all laughs and good times, Crissy: huh. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, and not watch the news and or I'm reading a book or maybe I'm doing some project you know art project. or taking a bath or something. We all need things in our life that we enjoy doing that relaxes us, that passes the time without electronics, you know, I mean, because it it's just bad for us. It's just bad for us. Our nervous system is Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: constantly getting those hits and we're upset. You know, the algorithm is meant to upset us. You know, fe sometimes. I mean I guess mine might be at this Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: point, you know. With everything that's going on in the world, all all of the you know, just everything. So I feel like, you know, the more people can disconnect and really ground themselves, the better. Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And Marie, you know, you did a post not too long ago, literally, I think like this week, about how social it was the it was just a report that was just released. I forget the name of it. But it was talking about the decline in social interactions in the last thirty years, specifically more so with COVID. So now Friday night is just like a regular night of the week. People aren't getting together, friends aren't doing stuff, you're not playing cards or you're Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: not getting together as much. And and I know through my research and I talk with blue zones all the time, that's a huge part of longevity is that connection and communication. It's what makes us human. So it it's sad. Yeah it's sad. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: One hundred percent. Absolutely. I love that. The blue the blue zones. and it's every one of those communities and parts of the isn't this where the parts of the country where there's longevity? Is that what you're referring to? Okay. You're right. Crissy: Yes, yeah, yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Family, social, community. You were just saying, Chrissy, you know, it takes a village. That's we add Crissy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: that we need to add that to my recommendations because connecting with Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: people is really important. Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And and I think that I'm grateful for the Zooms and FaceTime and all of that for loved ones that don't live close. However, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm. Crissy: getting together in person with your people, being able to touch and love on and squeeze Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: your face. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: You know, and and not just for the big things. Like, you know, we're recording this today on my my actual birthday, but the last two nights I've had. Two really fantastic nights full of friends and celebrations and things like that. But we really do try to do that multiple times throughout the year too, and not just around birthdays. although it's a great, you know, reminder. But I think to to be able to do things with people in person. Yeah, that's important. I mean, I Sara Walsh, LCSW: For for a sure. Crissy: I love hosting and cooking and my Italian Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: grandmother gave you those skills. We grew up in a house full of constant parties and celebrations. So I think that that's something also that our society lacks culturally. Mm-hmm. Right. It's Sara Walsh, LCSW: For shore. Crissy: all one for all and get to the top of the mountain all by yourself. There you are. Yeah. Alone. You know? Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, yes, absolutely. And and you know, making that a priority. I know for me, girlfriends are extremely important. So you know, once a month I have dinner with my girlfriend. I'm meeting her tonight. and before we leave, we schedule our next date because life takes over and Crissy: That's smart. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: you know, then you're saying, wow, I haven't seen this person in three months. So Really making that Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: a priority, your relationships a priority, I think is Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: important. And especially kind of circling back to you know, mental health, that's very important for women. I th it's important for men too. They sh they you know, but particularly for women who are overwhelmed doing the second shift, putting yourself first. Maybe we should even go there. Putting herself first and saying, I need I need time with my girlfriends. I'm going out to dinner, you watch the Crissy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: kids, you walk the dog. Whatever, this is what I need to do. Prioritizing. Crissy: Yeah. Prioritation priorities. Prioritize. I could not say can't say that word to modest. I'll just leave Sara Walsh, LCSW: You know, we we don't Crissy: it to you twenty queens. So I have a story. Sara Walsh, LCSW: We're that pepper. Yeah. Crissy: So there was a lady, I don't know how many years ago it was. My friend told me this story. And it's I looked it up. It was a real lady. She just about had it with everything. Her life, her kids, the dog. And she just packed up and left. And they Husband was looking for her, and they found her like four months later as a bum in Key West. What like playing the guitar on the side of the road? And we were talking about it, and I was like, I might do that. You're like, don't tempt me with Sara Walsh, LCSW: That sounds really good. Crissy: a good time. Really? But I I love my life, and you know, it's just it's hard. It's hard, you know? Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: So I could see how she did that. Like I envision myself just like taking my phone and going back and forth in my car, like running it over, and then just disappear like a phantom. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, I've had visions of of of throwing my my phone out the window and just Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: passing Jupiter exit on ninety five and just no one hears from me again. Yes. Yes. I think Crissy: Just go for it. Come north to come north to us. Come north to us. Sara Walsh, LCSW: we've all had thank you, Marie, for that. I think we've all had Crissy: Ha ha. Sara Walsh, LCSW: those thoughts of just wanting to run away from our lives, you know? And so what can we Crissy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: do to nurture ourselves, right? talk about it. And and prioritize Crissy: Not. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about it. All the things. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: ourselves. I think as women we are not taught that. Still, we're not taught that. We need to be nice girls. Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: We need to we need to make sure everyone's okay. You have to be nice. Don't be mean. And I think, you know, not to get into any c controversial topics at all, but like religion, some re you know, can play a big part in that. I mean a lot of clients that Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I've seen who grow up in very religious households of all religions, it's a lot Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: of guilt and you need to give the shirt off your back and you need to Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: w wanna do it, you know. so and and and so it's Crissy: That Catholic guilt for sure. Yeah. I'm Catholic. But yeah, so yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: so layered, you know, it's so complex, Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: but we really have to be okay with saying, I'm I'm not okay and I need to put myself first and this is how I'm gonna do it. Whether it be I'm meeting a friend, I'm going away for a weekend, I'm going to the keys for a week, whatever it is, right? You know, just Crissy: Or for four months. Sara Walsh, LCSW: right. Crissy: We're taking the show on the road, Chrissy. Yeah. Well, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. So Crissy: you know, it's interesting. as as women, we are nurturers, right? Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Crissy: And as mothers, we are even, you know, caregivers. Caregivers. And and Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: we take that nurturing to a whole other level. But why don't we do it for ourselves? I I mean, I I we we try to, a lot of women are are sh are changing that and shifting that. But why are we not making that a norm where we, yes, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: are still gonna nurture our kids and we're gonna make sure they're safe and they have everything that they need and all the love. But we also have to create and tune into that self-love within us to Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: nurture ourselves first, to fill our cups first and then be able to give out to others. I know when sometimes I teach yoga, and if Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: I'm doing like a heart-opening practice, I always say, The the biggest love that you have should be the love for yourself. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: And as new moms and you know, just a lot of mothers in general, and especially the very Sara Walsh, LCSW: Right. Crissy: grounding, earthly, earthy, or like, what? No, I gotta give it all to my kids. I'm a mom. I gotta give everything over to my kids. They get all Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Crissy: my love. No, no, no, no, no. We need to change that dynamic as well. Sara Walsh, LCSW: no, no. Absolutely. I remember being a young mother. My kids were my kids are thirteen and a half months apart. So I remember wanting to start to exercise again. I was working, and I was going to the gym after work. and I remember feeling such terrible guilt and shame. And I Crissy: no. Sara Walsh, LCSW: remember really forcing myself to go. Because I thought I'm being a terrible mom. I am being a terrible mom, but what I realized is that if I am not taking care of myself, I'm not filling my cup, I have nothing to give. And I'm not gonna be the kind of mother I want to be if I'm not taking care of myself, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Crissy: Yeah. Right. Right. And it's important to like if I don't work out, I'm nasty. So working out every day, you know, decreases my irritability with everybody else Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: and everybody's happier around me and I'm happier. So I think knowing that is so important. Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: So important, so important. And you know, telling women that that is the norm as opposed to you Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: have to give everything, every day, all of yourself. Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And and for the young moms, I mean, getting out w the you you I'm finding, especially around our area and it's Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, sir. Crissy: probably everywhere, is that all of these like fit mom groups are are popping up or walking mom groups are popping up and they're out there with their strollers Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: and you know, what's really cool about that is that you're starting to create your own tribe, right? Yeah. So Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: you as as they As the kids grow, well, guess what? They're gonna start to become friends and one can Sara Walsh, LCSW: Okay. Crissy: watch the kids and one can go do whatever and you know, you lean on each other. I I remember doing that with my sister in law when our kids were little. All of Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: our kids, she has three boys and I had a a daughter and a son, and they were all ish around the same age, give or give or take, you know, a few years. And sometimes if she needed to go run to the Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: grocery store, I'm like, All right, bring everybody over, let them hang here and then same thing, you know, and Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, yes. Crissy: It could have been as easy as going to the grocery store. It could have been easy as go out for dinner, go grocery shopping. I mean go Christmas shopping, right? And help each other out. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, yes, absolutely. Mm-hmm. Very important. Very important. Crissy: Yeah. But the the the working out and the the guilt that you know, especially for full time working moms, I think, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Yes. Crissy: is that guilt is even more, but all the more reason. You you do need to. Maybe you do it with your kids though. And you know, and that way you're Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: in including the kids and they're learning that too. Sara Walsh, LCSW: They're seeing that you're modeling that, that health is important and and taking care of yourself Crissy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: is important. And maybe it's not five days a week, maybe it's three days a week. I mean, something's Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: gotta give. And you know, it i it I I know for me sometimes it's all or nothing. Like either I'm out walking and lifting weights every day or I'm doing nothing, you know, so really finding a balance, you know, that middle ground. Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: There's another book, I don't know the author, but I know the title, which is Good Enough Mother. You don't have to be you just have to be good enough, right? And so I think that I Crissy: Yeah, yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: try to remember that like in terms of everything. Sarah, it doesn't you don't have to be perfect. You just have to be good enough. Crissy: Yeah. I love that. I love that. That's a really powerful like I again I can't think right now. I guess this is is this forty Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah, yeah. Crissy: nine? Damn. This is forty nine. I can't think. Sara Walsh, LCSW: my gosh, forty nine one more year, Chrissy. Although I have to tell ya, I'm fifty-eight. Crissy: That's right. That's right. And I'm gonna celebrate. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I just turned fifty eight in August and it's the my fifties have been the best decade of my life. Crissy: Aw, that's great. Awesome. I'd love to hear that. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: It's just the best. You just and you know, can I swear? You just don't give a fuck anymore. Crissy: Love it. I love that. That's right. I mean That's awesome. Sara Walsh, LCSW: You don't so I w I wish the I had the confidence and the you know, self esteem and all of that. I wish I had that back then. What I have now I wish I had back then. Crissy: I I think about that like even now I'm forty eight and I think, man, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: if I just had twenty percent of what I have now, we're gonna rock star back at twenty one. But we need Sara Walsh, LCSW: Can you imagine? Crissy: every one of those years and every one of those experiences I know and don't regret anything. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I know. Crissy: My life has been a great journey and every, you know, mistake and you know, good thing that happened all happens for a reason. That's what makes you who you are, right? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes, it makes you who you are. You had to go through all of these experiences to get to where to where you are. But still enjoy Forty Nine, Chrissy. Crissy: But yes. Wouldn't it be fun to just wake up and be 22 for a few months, knowing what you know now? How fun would that be? Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. yes. Crissy: That should be a book. Maybe I'll write that. Yeah, there you go. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah, huh? Crissy: There you go. so kind of piggybacking off of, you know, the the wisdom that we're we're gaining over you know the years of our lives. And how did you Once di you were diagnosed with either the breast or Hodgkin or yeah, Hodgkin's lymphoma. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: How did you take a look at your life and be like, okay, well, to this point I've learned all of these things. Were you like, now it's time to put it into action? I'm ready to go. Did you take a minute? Like, did you take bits and pieces and then try things on? Sara Walsh, LCSW: You know, yes. so the breast cancer was ten years ago, Hatchman's lymphoma was three years ago, and that was a tougher road because I had chemo and radiation, lost my hair, I was very sick, it was just awful. and you know, I've always been a very positive person. and I remember my friends were like are you like they did not like what they were seeing because I was very down, very, you know, thinking I can't do this, but pushed through and realized that from that experience realized that I have one life to live and I don't know what the future holds. That really led me to facing my fears about having my own business. So like I was saying earlier, I worked a nonprofit job, private practice on the side. And then my private practice grew and was very successful and I was working full time and seeing fifteen clients a week. I mean, talk about I was going crazy. and Crissy: Running thin. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I finally said to myself, you know what, Sarah? You, you, you, this is you only have one life to live. Do it. Just do it. You know? And facing those fears and the cliche, you have to believe in yourself. I of course we all know that saying that cliche and I never understood what it really meant until now. Until I was able to believe in myself and say, Crissy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: There's no reason why you can't have a private practice, have your own business. I have nine clinicians working for wellness Crissy: wow. Sara Walsh, LCSW: counseling group. and I'm just very, you know, I would not I feel like my cancer journey journeys have been a part of me taking that leap. again, being 50, having all this life experience, So so so I think that my I'm grateful you know that I was diagnosed because it really helped me to face my fears and say, hey, you've got one life to live. And I Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I was diagnosed also when I had the breast cancer with the BRCA mutation, gene mutation. Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: So again, like, you know, Sarah, you don't know what the future holds, you know. Do it now. Don't wait. Do it now. Crissy: Mm-hmm. That's great. Yeah, like a little trust fall, you know? It's like you Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: you're learning to trust whatever higher power you believe in. You're learning Sara Walsh, LCSW: yes. Crissy: to trust yourself. You're learning to tune into that inner power and really let that drive rather than The lack of confidence, the lack of self worth, the pushing small, the subconscious stuff that's just like you crawl down into a little rock when you're about to do something. Your ego, right? All of that is like no. But like just Sara Walsh, LCSW: All of it. Crissy: being able to push through that and push that to the side and be like, mm mm, mm mm. This work deserves to be out in the world. My light design does deserves to be shining out into the world. So I kudos, friend. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: thank you, Chrissy. I mean, you really I have chills because part of that journey was also me tapping in to my intuition, my spiritual side. It was screaming at me. Screaming at me. Sarah, what do you do? You can do this. What what are you afraid of? You can do this, you can do this, you can do this. And tapping into that intuition, I I I might even say for the first time in my life, I I I I'd have to give it a little more thought, but Really recognizing that and trusting myself, trusting my intuition, it's allowing me to now be very much closer to my intuition about other things. So when I know w the our intuition, that's our truth. That little voice in the back of your head saying whatever it's saying, that's the truth. Crissy: The initial one, the initial one. You know, when a situation comes up and that initial voice in your head, that is the voice. That's your intuition. It's then when we give it time, and then you him and ha and you're like, I don't know, I don't know. And you argue with the voice. Right. Then that's when you, you know, you fight against it. You know. And it's scary. It's scary Sara Walsh, LCSW: All the reasons. It is scary. Crissy: going out and starting a practice. I was petrified. I thought, I'm not good enough. I can't do this. But then I don't like anybody telling me how I can take care of my patients. Yeah. Yeah. And forcing me to to do things that I know aren't the best for them. Do you know what I mean? And I don't Sara Walsh, LCSW: I do. Crissy: like that. Yeah. And that was a big step for me. I said it's either going to be my coffee shop, which I always joke about. That's my, you know, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uh-huh. Crissy: my backup like third. Or I'm going to do things the way I want to do because I just couldn't find any like minded providers to work for. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Uhhuh, uhhuh. I think that, you know, being your own boss is amazing. You know, Crissy: Yeah, yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and really, you know, I wanna my goal is to not to get back to to wellness counseling group per se, but it's to provide quality care, high quality care. and you know, that's just of utmost important to me and my team. So I'm proud to say that we're doing it and Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: sometimes you don't always get that. You don't if you work for other people. So, you know. Crissy: Mm. Yeah. It's fantastic. Are you guys both in person and online? Or okay, good. Sara Walsh, LCSW: We are. We are. We have an office in Jupiter in Abacoa. and Crissy: Right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: we have four clinicians working out of the office and then telehealth. You know, I think that both modalities are really great. I think that I forgot how much I like practicing in person. you know, because Crissy: Yeah, yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: tell with since COVID most of us were just doing telehealth. And is it convenient? Yes, but there's something about sharing energy with someone. Crissy: Yeah. Yeah. I see both sides of it too. Because Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: also, you know, you could be helping somebody on the other side of the state that loves you and wants to work with you but can't be there in person, right? So Sara Walsh, LCSW: Correct, correct. Crissy: there's beauty in both of that. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yep, yep. Crissy: yeah. And real quick, I I kind of want to go back a little bit to what you were just saying a few moments ago Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: about it was the first time you really tapped into your spiritual side. And that Also in healing is a another layer and level of healing that people really, really, really, really need to be able Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: to move through. And it's not just a cancer diagnosis, to be able Sara Walsh, LCSW: Okay. Crissy: to heal through loss, divorce, change of jobs, even an injury, right? An injury could rock Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: somebody's world. And being able to heal, and I talk about this in the book a lot mind, body, heart, and soul healing. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm. Crissy: Right. It's not just mind body. That's that's just feel feels very incomplete to me, although it's beautiful Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: and it's a powerful thing. But we have to also have that self-love and compassion and expansion. Our heart chakra is all about also growth and expansion. Right. So that's kind of where the heart level comes in. And the soul is our spiritual side, our intuition, that inner voice, that. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: but it's also kind of like the playfulness, right? Of being like just Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mm-hmm. Crissy: not taking things so seriously too and trusting in it. So it's so good. Sara Walsh, LCSW: for sure. Chrissy, yeah. I mean a part of part of my journey was trusting that everything is going to be the way it should. And so for me, giving up that control, like saying, Sarah, you don't have control over your next scan or what your kids do, you know, my kids are adults now, making their own decisions. it sucks. and Crissy: That's all right. Sara Walsh, LCSW: And letting go and saying, just with the everything, you know what? It's a jer everything is going to be the way it's supposed to be. And I find that very comforting. It took time, freeing. Crissy: Yeah, and freeing. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Took time. but I find it very freeing. I can let go. Crissy: Yeah. The liberation behind that, right? Is Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: I think that when when we are clenching on to whatever the situation is and we're trying to control and we're very tight and tense about it. And we're like this, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah, yeah. Crissy: the moment you can start to release and you're you just release the reins and that control and you trust and you surrender, it's like that is very freeing. And I think that more and more women Need to get to that point of just being like, all right, it is what it is. This is I needed Sara Walsh, LCSW: Absolutely. Crissy: this right now. Good. This is speaking to me of my oldest. Good, right. Like well, because I'm such I'm not a controlling mom at all, but I'm a worry word of the bad decisions because I have taken care of these kids in the hospitals. I know that Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: that one bad decision can lead to this, you know. Yeah. but I think I do need to free the rest of Yeah. Mistakes Sara Walsh, LCSW: It's petrifying, it's petrifying. Crissy: need to be had, you know, mistakes need to be made. Things need to happen sometimes for the eyes to open for whatever Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: reason or another, you know, as as hard as it is. I have to try to tell my husband that sometimes too. Because he's the he just wants to fix everything and he does want to make sure that they don't mess up. And I'm like they they kind of need to every now and then. Gosh, but it was so like it's so much different now. Like I talked to Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: the kids about vaping. I'd be much rather ha happier if they were like smoking a joint in the woods. Like the vaping scares me. Yeah. You know, the Sara Walsh, LCSW: huh. Crissy: drinking and the driving. I I'm from New England. So we were partying in the again, the woods. What was gonna kill me? The the stick I tripped over as I was running away from the cops. You know, so these kids have it's such a different life in South Florida. The boating, the this, the that, the money, the influence, Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yes. Crissy: the drugs. It's so different. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: You have to kind of it's like crossing your fingers every time they leave the house, you know. spirit inside again. It is Crissy: Yeah. There there comes that spiritual side again. Just talk to your angels, be like, okay, put in a bubble. Sara Walsh, LCSW: to talk with you know one of the techniques that I teach clients is cognitive reframing and Crissy: Mm-hmm. Sara Walsh, LCSW: I so let's say and I I'll give an you know an example kid goes out for the night you know they're gonna be drinking you know that you know whatever and you start to ruminate what could happen what could happen you know all the bad things and this the that Crissy: And this is at night, right? Because it's worse at night, right, Sarah? You're in bed and all of a sudden it's World War Three. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah, it's ten left yeah. Exactly. And so what I want what I do and what I teach my my patients is stop. You need to be aware of it. Acknowledge, I'm I'm going down I want you to picture yourself on a bus. You're driving a bus, you're down a road, you're going down the he's gonna drive drunk, he's gonna be stupid, he's gonna I don't know, whatever. Whatever this is, right? Crissy: All the things. Sara Walsh, LCSW: and you say stop and you put your hand up. And you think about a stop sign and you say it out loud and you say, This is and I say to myself, Sarah, what are you doing? Don't go down this road. You have no control over what happens. They're gonna make their own decisions or or whatever you're thinking about. Back up the bus and I actually put it in reverse. Crissy: Nice. I love that. Doing this. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Pick my p picture myself backing up the bus. You're backing up, bitch. This is not healthy. I have a dirty mouth. I can't help it. So so sorry. So so back it up. And that really Crissy: I love it. Listen, me too. Me too. Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: like like pull it together, Sarah. Like, you Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: know, and like it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay. Life is gonna happen and and and that letting go, like you were saying. Crissy: It resets you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I'm definitely seeing Marie in her bed. She's gonna be laying down. She's gonna be looking up at the ceiling. She'd be like, Stop! Back it up, bitch. my gosh. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Back up that buff. Right, and then you get a little laugh and then you're like, Okay, you're right, this is not helping me. Like, is this is this Crissy: Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: productive? No, I'm not gonna sleep. I'm gonna work. Crissy: Well, that's the thing. You're you're like conjuring up fifty million different scenarios and not even one of them may happen. Right. Right. So it it's Sara Walsh, LCSW: Yeah. Crissy: it just the brain just is like just goes and the next thing you know, he's getting eaten by a gator and a bear in a ditch. You're like, whoa, that's not possible, is it? Yeah. Just in that little brain of yours. Yeah, it's very creative. Yeah. my goodness. Well, this has been a fabulous I love this. You're great, Sarah. Awesome. Yes. You Yeah. Sara Walsh, LCSW: This was so wonderful. Thank you so much. This was great. Crissy: Great conversation. Honestly a very real, authentic, raw, honest. Just like just like we like it. Just like we like it. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Mhm. Mhm. Just like just like it. Just like it I can't ha I can't do superficial. It just doesn't happen with me. So yeah. Crissy: That's right. That's right. And that's what we want on the show. That's exactly what we want on the show. It's just bring it to it like it is. So well, thank you so much. We will Sara Walsh, LCSW: Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Well you're welcome. Crissy: leave all of your the ways that people can connect with you in the show notes below. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Wonderful. Crissy: And you guys already know and have heard how amazing Sarah is. So reach out to her. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Crissy: All right, guys. Until next time. Bye. Sara Walsh, LCSW: Thank you so much. See you later.