Latest / Doing Marriage Well / Escaping Unrealistic Expectations In The Bedroom

Transcript

Escaping Unrealistic Expectations In The Bedroom · Doing Marriage Well

• 0:00
  Doing Marriage Well for September 18, 2026 Escaping Unrealistic Expectations
• 0:06
  in the Bedroom Perfectionism is a real sex killer.
• 0:10
  Even if you got decent sex education, when you first had sex,
• 0:13
  there was a lot of unknown that could only be resolved with trial and error.
• 0:17
  I've heard a few folks say first sex was good for both of them, but it's the exception.
• 0:22
  Most folks are not warned about the things that likely won't go right at first,
• 0:25
  and high expectations can make what would be okay sex seem like a failure.
• 0:29
  Where we get our expectations is also a major factor If either spouse thinks
• 0:33
  porn is at all realistic, they are in for disappointment,
• 0:37
  Likewise, if the woman has fed on a diet of romance novels Expecting your spouse
• 0:41
  to be like the people in media creates something they will never live up to,
• 0:45
  Perfectionism can hurt a couple's sex life well past the early days Some women
• 0:49
  who don't orgasm early on assume they are broken and accept that rather than
• 0:53
  talking about it and finding a fix,
• 0:55
  This is especially likely for women who have been wrongly told that all women
• 0:58
  can and should orgasm from intercourse.
• 1:02
  Other women feel like a failure because they only have one orgasm at a time,
• 1:05
  like most women, or don't squirt, most women don't.
• 1:09
  For men, it's about erections. Men get worried when they get past 30 and are
• 1:13
  no longer fully erect and ready to go at the drop of a panty.
• 1:16
  They fear a normal change means there is something wrong with them.
• 1:19
  The wife who notices this change may assume her husband is no longer attracted to her.
• 1:24
  Full-on ED is even worse. Some men are so ashamed they stop having sex with
• 1:28
  their wife, resorting to masturbation instead.
• 1:31
  They would like to have sex with their wife, but can't deal with not being able to do it right.
• 1:36
  Both men and women get caught up in the lie that women orgasm quickly and easily.
• 1:40
  Most do that on occasion, and a few do so most of the time. But the majority
• 1:44
  of women need far more time than media portrays.
• 1:47
  This leads to disappointment, bad sex, and possibly trying to fix something that isn't broken.
• 1:52
  Sex should be a journey, not a destination. It will be ever-changing,
• 1:57
  and there will always be new things to explain, if you're both willing.
• 2:00
  Relax the expectations, get
• 2:02
  rid of the list of shoulds, and enjoy real sex with your wonderful spouse.
• 2:06
  A good starting place is working to be able to discuss sex openly as a couple,
• 2:11
  This is paul reminding you that doing sex well looks different for every couple
• 2:15
  and for every season of life.