Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / PAUSE Before You Say Yes

Transcript

PAUSE Before You Say Yes · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

• 0:13
  Dora: I'm Mikita.
• 0:15
  Dora: Before you say yes, can you give yourself a moment?
• 0:19
  Dora: Not five hours.
• 0:21
  Dora: Okay, not a whole weekend.
• 0:23
  Dora: Just one honest moment.
• 0:27
  Dora: Okay?
• 0:28
  Dora: You with me?
• 0:29
  Dora: Because how many times have you said yes before you even checked in with yourself?
• 0:35
  Dora: Like, yes, I can help.
• 0:37
  Dora: Yes, I can make it work.
• 0:38
  Dora: Yes, I can move things around and bend over backwards.
• 0:42
  Dora: And yes, I can take care of that too.
• 0:44
  Dora: Like, whoo.
• 0:46
  Dora: And then later, when nobody's watching, you feel the weight of the answer.
• 0:51
  Dora: Like, you feel it in your body, probably on your shoulders, maybe your back hurts.
• 0:56
  Dora: You feel it in the resentment you do not want to admit, because often I've walked away kind of with that bitter taste in my mouth.
• 1:05
  Dora: You feel it in the exhaustion.
• 1:07
  Dora: You keep calling normal.
• 1:08
  Dora: Okay.
• 1:09
  Dora: Mm-hmm.
• 1:10
  Dora: Normal.
• 1:10
  Dora: And then you feel it when you realize that your yes to someone else became another no to yourself.
• 1:19
  Dora: Even my doggy agrees.
• 1:21
  Dora: If you hear him barking in the background.
• 1:23
  Dora: The problem is not that you are generous.
• 1:26
  Dora: Mm-mm.
• 1:27
  Dora: Okay.
• 1:27
  Dora: The problem is disappearing from your own decision.
• 1:31
  Dora: Today I want to teach you a practice that has been part of my life for about like about 10 years.
• 1:38
  Dora: And that I have shaped it into my own five-step method.
• 1:41
  Dora: Okay.
• 1:42
  Dora: It is called pause.
• 1:44
  Dora: And I probably seems counterintuitive, given all the chaos, but P is for pause, acknowledge, understand, self-care, and express gratitude.
• 1:57
  Dora: This is not about becoming less loving.
• 2:00
  Dora: It is a it is and it's also not about saying no to everything.
• 2:05
  Dora: Because I've been there and it's not fun either.
• 2:07
  Dora: It is about becoming honest with your yes.
• 2:10
  Dora: Welcome to Ai Mijita, the podcast where we embrace our raíces, reclaim our essencia, and create a life with infinite possibilities.
• 2:17
  Dora: I'm your host, Doralicia Praxedis, and today we are entering our let me think about it era, which I love it.
• 2:26
  Dora: Um it took me a while to get there, you know, it's been a bit.
• 2:29
  Dora: And loving the hair, right?
• 2:31
  Dora: But by the end of this episode, you will understand with your yes, may feel automatic, how to reorganize what your body's telling you, and how to use the pause method before you give your yes answer.
• 2:45
  Dora: Okay, so there's a lot we'll cover, but I am also going to guide you through a short practice that you can use with a real decision in your life.
• 2:53
  Dora: So take a deep breath, Mijita.
• 2:58
  Dora: You don't have to decide anything yet.
• 3:01
  Dora: So in the first episode of the season, we have been talking about coming home to yourself.
• 3:07
  Dora: We talked about releasing the pressure to hold everything together.
• 3:11
  Dora: We talked about what the identity shift that happens when the old version of you no longer fits.
• 3:16
  Dora: And I know that one was it hit home for a lot of people.
• 3:19
  Dora: I know I've heard quite a bit from individuals from you folks, and I love getting voice memos.
• 3:24
  Dora: And now we are bringing that work into an ordinary moment.
• 3:28
  Dora: So time out.
• 3:30
  Dora: Someone asks you for something.
• 3:32
  Dora: Okay, let's just suppose your phone rings, an email arrives, a family member shows up at your doorstep and needs help, or a new responsibility appears at work, or an invitation comes in for a quincenar party.
• 3:48
  Dora: And before you have even felt your own response, the word yes is already leaving your mouth.
• 3:54
  Dora: Like diarrhea.
• 3:57
  Dora: Yeah.
• 3:59
  Dora: Maybe your body knew before you did.
• 4:01
  Dora: Like your shoulders tighten, your stomach drops to the floor, your breath gets shallow.
• 4:07
  Dora: Like and if you're on video, you're seeing all my facial expressions, which is amazing.
• 4:14
  Dora: And you felt tired just thinking about it, like exhausted.
• 4:17
  Dora: But your mind stepped in and said, It's fine, I'll figure it out.
• 4:21
  Dora: It's okay.
• 4:22
  Dora: Then the familiar cycle begins.
• 4:25
  Dora: A request arrives, you feel the pressure, you answer quickly, and later resentment, exhaustion, or regret appear.
• 4:34
  Dora: And your time gets pushed aside.
• 4:37
  Dora: All the things you want to do, mm-mm, girl, mm-mm, to the corner.
• 4:41
  Dora: And then also your health gets pushed to the side, especially if you're sick or going through something, your priorities also get pushed away.
• 4:49
  Dora: And little by little your nervous system learns that everyone else comes first.
• 4:55
  Dora: Yeah.
• 4:57
  Dora: I'll let that one marinate.
• 4:59
  Dora: That is the part I want us to interrupt.
• 5:02
  Dora: Not your love, because I know you love people, not your generosity, because we're all like, you know, kind of like woo, giving, giving, giving.
• 5:10
  Dora: The disappearing.
• 5:12
  Dora: Okay?
• 5:13
  Dora: That's what happens.
• 5:18
  Dora: And for much of my life, I was the dependable one.
• 5:22
  Dora: The daughter, the mother to my two beautiful kiddos, the leader, like at work and here at the house, the friend who knew how to take care of people and hold everything together.
• 5:34
  Dora: Saying yes helped me feel useful.
• 5:37
  Dora: It also helped me feel loving.
• 5:39
  Dora: And if I am being completely honest, it also helped me feel safe.
• 5:44
  Dora: Like people actually need me.
• 5:47
  Dora: When you are the one who handles everything, people admire you.
• 5:50
  Dora: Like I feel like I am admired, I want to think.
• 5:53
  Dora: And they trust you, they need you, and being needed can start to feel like being loved.
• 6:00
  Dora: But those are not always the same thing, okay?
• 6:03
  Dora: Being needed and being loved.
• 6:07
  Dora: About 10 years ago, I hired my life coach, Yvonne, shout out, and she introduced me to the simple practice of pausing before I answered.
• 6:17
  Dora: And it sounded almost too simple.
• 6:19
  Dora: Like, are you kidding me?
• 6:20
  Dora: Pause.
• 6:20
  Dora: Like, I don't know how to pause.
• 6:22
  Dora: I have a bunch of ideas going through my head.
• 6:24
  Dora: Like, this is no, I can't do that.
• 6:26
  Dora: And like, do not answer it yet.
• 6:29
  Dora: Notice what you feel, what you actually feel.
• 6:32
  Dora: And of course, here I'll pause and say, I didn't know what I felt.
• 6:36
  Dora: I didn't even know I could be angry at times.
• 6:39
  Dora: Um, all these emotions would flare up, like I would turn red sometimes.
• 6:43
  Dora: But that small space actually changed the way I made decisions.
• 6:48
  Dora: It gave me enough time to recognize when I was responding from the truth and when I was responding from expectation of others.
• 6:56
  Dora: I carried that practice into my motherhood, and then I went into my marriage and corporate leadership, my healing, and then my business, and eventually my journey through breast cancer.
• 7:08
  Dora: And in those seasons when my body was changing, my energy was changing, and my identity just crashed and burned, and also was changing in all levels.
• 7:18
  Dora: The pause helped me hear myself again.
• 7:22
  Dora: Cancer required me to receive the help.
• 7:25
  Dora: It required me to let people show up for me.
• 7:28
  Dora: It required me to acknowledge that I could not continue being everything to everyone while my body was asking me to heal.
• 7:37
  Dora: And there were times when my body created the pause because I had not learned to choose it for myself.
• 7:44
  Dora: Like I literally got smacked down for me.
• 7:46
  Dora: And that is the hard truth.
• 7:49
  Dora: I do not want to wait for another crisis before I listen to myself again.
• 7:54
  Dora: And I don't know about you, but I don't want that for you either.
• 7:59
  Dora: The original lesson opened the door for me in so many ways.
• 8:03
  Dora: A decade of living it helped me shape pause, the acronym, into a method that brings together the body awareness, the emotional honesty, self-care, gratitude, and aligned action.
• 8:15
  Dora: I still practice it every single day.
• 8:17
  Dora: I still catch myself wanting to answer also quickly, and I still feel the pull to prove that I can handle one more thing in my, you know, I feel like I should enjoy the circus.
• 8:33
  Dora: Before we walk through the method, I want to help you hear the difference between three kinds of yes.
• 8:40
  Dora: The first is a wholeheartedly yes.
• 8:44
  Dora: So a wholeheartedly or wholehearted yes sounds like I want to do this, I have the capacity.
• 8:51
  Dora: You're like, mm-hmm, there is choice, there is willingness, there is enough energy, it may still require effort, but it does not feel like you are betraying yourself.
• 9:02
  Dora: The second is a conditional yes.
• 9:05
  Dora: A conditional yes sounds like I can help with a clear boundary.
• 9:09
  Dora: Like maybe you can help for 30 minutes, but you cannot own the whole project.
• 9:16
  Dora: Maybe you can attend, but then you need to leave early, which I always love to do.
• 9:20
  Dora: Like I hit all the different birthday parties on a Saturday, and I'm like, I call it my doctor's visits, visitas de doctor.
• 9:27
  Dora: Or maybe you can say yes if someone shares the responsibility, like you co-own it.
• 9:33
  Dora: And this is still a real yes.
• 9:35
  Dora: It simply includes your limits.
• 9:37
  Dora: So the third is a can a conditioned yes.
• 9:41
  Dora: So a conditioned yes sounds like this.
• 9:43
  Dora: I'm afraid of disappointing everyone.
• 9:46
  Dora: And this yes is shaped by guilt, by urgency, proving, or obligation.
• 9:52
  Dora: It may sound generous on the outside, like from here out, but inside you feel yourself disappear or implode.
• 10:00
  Dora: One of the two.
• 10:02
  Dora: So here's the question that can change everything.
• 10:05
  Dora: If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to within myself?
• 10:12
  Dora: And take as long as you need here and pause if you need to, like literally pause.
• 10:19
  Dora: Maybe you are saying rest to, or maybe you're saying no to rest.
• 10:23
  Dora: Maybe you are saying no to time with your family or partner or loved ones.
• 10:28
  Dora: Maybe you're saying no to your health, your creativity or priority or priorities, or a promise you already made to yourself.
• 10:36
  Dora: So this question is not designed to make every yes wrong.
• 10:40
  Dora: It is designed to make your yes conscious.
• 10:43
  Dora: Like bring it to the forefront.
• 10:46
  Dora: If you have spent years putting other people first, the advice to just say no is not enough.
• 10:52
  Dora: Okay.
• 10:52
  Dora: I know I've talked about that before in other episodes, and trust me, it works sometimes, but most not all the time.
• 10:58
  Dora: So there may be a deeper story underneath your automatic answering, the yes, like I'll do it.
• 11:04
  Dora: Maybe you learn that being a good daughter meant always being available.
• 11:07
  Dora: And I know I was guilt tripped by my dad and my mom all the time.
• 11:11
  Dora: Maybe being a good mother meant never needing a break.
• 11:14
  Dora: Like you're just on a go, go, go every single day.
• 11:16
  Dora: And I also fall into that trap on a daily.
• 11:19
  Dora: Like, I want to be the Uber driver for my kid, although he's learning how to drive my 15-year-old.
• 11:24
  Dora: You know, almost hit the curve a few times in my new car.
• 11:27
  Dora: Maybe being a good partner meant keeping the peace.
• 11:30
  Dora: And that is something that I remember with Philly.
• 11:33
  Dora: We just go through it, and I just wouldn't say anything because I didn't want to rock the boat or I didn't want to get him more mad or whatever the case may be.
• 11:39
  Dora: Maybe being a good employee meant proving you could handle more than everyone else.
• 11:44
  Dora: And everybody knows that I love to achieve, and I'm very competitive when it comes to getting my stuff done and getting way more than I could probably handle, especially during busy season.
• 11:55
  Dora: Maybe you learned that love came through usefulness.
• 11:59
  Dora: And that one, yeah, being useful, like catering to your parents or catering to those loved ones, yeah, definitely rings a bell for those of you that can attest to, you know, catering to your younger siblings or helping out all the time, cleaning up everybody's mess.
• 12:16
  Dora: Maybe your needs created conflict.
• 12:18
  Dora: So it let it blah.
• 12:21
  Dora: So it felt safer not to have any.
• 12:24
  Dora: So maybe being the dependable one became such a part of your identity that you do not know who you are without it.
• 12:34
  Dora: And there's no shame in that.
• 12:36
  Dora: Many of our patterns began as protection.
• 12:39
  Dora: They helped us belong, they helped us avoid conflict, they helped us feel vulnerable or safe.
• 12:47
  Dora: But a pattern can protect one version of you and restrict the next version of you, meaning your next iteration, the next, you know, 2.0.
• 12:57
  Dora: You can honor the woman who needed that pattern without asking the woman who you are becoming to live inside it forever.
• 13:07
  Dora: This is why we do not begin with judgment.
• 13:10
  Dora: We begin with pause.
• 13:13
  Dora: So, introducing the pause method.
• 13:16
  Dora: So, pause is a compassionate reset for the moments when guilt, urgency, or old roles are speaking louder than you your truth.
• 13:25
  Dora: The five steps are pause, acknowledge, understand, self-care, and express gratitude.
• 13:34
  Dora: You do not need to do this perfectly, all right?
• 13:36
  Dora: No perfection.
• 13:38
  Dora: Sometimes the process will take two minutes, and sometimes it will take a few hours.
• 13:43
  Dora: Sometimes you will need to sleep on a decision, like when you sleep on it, you know, the pillow low is the best.
• 13:49
  Dora: But the purpose is simple, is create enough space to include yourself in your own answer.
• 13:56
  Dora: Now, P.
• 13:57
  Dora: Let's go ahead and start.
• 13:58
  Dora: P is for pause.
• 14:00
  Dora: So pause means creating space before responding.
• 14:03
  Dora: And this is where I'll invite you to breathe.
• 14:10
  Dora: You do not have to decide immediately.
• 14:13
  Dora: You can borrow one of these responses.
• 14:16
  Dora: Let me think about it.
• 14:19
  Dora: Let me check my capacity.
• 14:21
  Dora: Can I get back to you tomorrow?
• 14:24
  Dora: Or I need a little time before I answer.
• 14:27
  Dora: And of course, you can add a little sass and your spice in there as you as you see fit.
• 14:31
  Dora: Or the response I included in the guide, which I'll get to later, is thank you for asking.
• 14:36
  Dora: Let me check my capacity, and I'll get back to you.
• 14:40
  Dora: Now, does that seem like way better answers than yes?
• 14:46
  Dora: Because someone else's urgency does not automatically become your obligation.
• 14:50
  Dora: As I call it a fire drill.
• 14:56
  Dora: It means you are, you care enough about your word to give an honest answer.
• 15:02
  Dora: So during the pause, come back to your body.
• 15:06
  Dora: Now, did your jaw tighten?
• 15:09
  Dora: Did your stomach drop?
• 15:11
  Dora: Did your shoulders rise?
• 15:14
  Dora: Oof.
• 15:15
  Dora: Did you stop breathing?
• 15:16
  Dora: Because that I'm gonna be scared for you.
• 15:18
  Dora: Did you feel open and energized or contracted and depleted?
• 15:22
  Dora: Your body often receives the answer before your mind can even explain it.
• 15:27
  Dora: I don't know how that works, but well, I kind of know how it works, but the pause gives you time to listen.
• 15:32
  Dora: Now moving on to A is for acknowledge.
• 15:36
  Dora: Acknowledge means noticing your emotions, your body signals, and your automatic reaction without judging them.
• 15:42
  Dora: You might say, I feel guilty.
• 15:46
  Dora: I am afraid they will be disappointed, especially your parents or loved ones.
• 15:50
  Dora: And or part of me wants to help, but I'm already overwhelmed.
• 15:54
  Dora: And I don't know if you'll actually admit that, but you get the gist.
• 15:58
  Dora: My body is saying no.
• 16:00
  Dora: And I am afraid to admit it.
• 16:02
  Dora: I want them to see me as dependable.
• 16:05
  Dora: I feel excited, but I need more information.
• 16:08
  Dora: Two things can be true at the same time.
• 16:11
  Dora: You can love someone and not be available.
• 16:14
  Dora: You can care about the outcome and recognize that it is not yours to manage.
• 16:19
  Dora: You can be grateful for the invitation, like the quince or the party, or the big, big, big, big, big ball or whatever it is.
• 16:25
  Dora: And no, it is not aligned.
• 16:27
  Dora: You can you can want to help and not have the capacity.
• 16:32
  Dora: So acknowledging a feeling does not mean that feeling gets to make the decision.
• 16:39
  Dora: Guilt can definitely be present without being in charge.
• 16:43
  Dora: And fear can be present without holding the pen.
• 16:45
  Dora: Okay.
• 16:46
  Dora: Your feelings deserve space, but they do not all deserve authority.
• 16:52
  Dora: Okay, that's where you're in charge.
• 16:54
  Dora: Now we get to you.
• 16:56
  Dora: You is for understand.
• 16:58
  Dora: Understand means asking what fear, belief, expectation, or old role is influencing your answer.
• 17:07
  Dora: This is where we become curious instead of critical.
• 17:10
  Dora: So curiosity is key here.
• 17:12
  Dora: All right.
• 17:13
  Dora: So ask yourself, what am I afraid might happen if I say no?
• 17:19
  Dora: Is this responsibility actually mine?
• 17:22
  Dora: Hmm.
• 17:23
  Dora: Think about it.
• 17:24
  Dora: Am I choosing from love, fear, guilt, or obligation?
• 17:29
  Dora: Am I responding to this request or am I reacting from an old story?
• 17:35
  Dora: What would I choose if I did not have to manage the other person's reaction?
• 17:40
  Dora: Because oftentimes we think about that other person.
• 17:42
  Dora: The request may not be the real issue.
• 17:45
  Dora: The real issue may be the belief that you must earn love.
• 17:50
  Dora: It may be the fear that a boundary will make someone leave.
• 17:53
  Dora: And maybe that's a good thing.
• 17:55
  Dora: I'm not gonna lie.
• 17:56
  Dora: Some people kind of do a service.
• 17:58
  Dora: And it may be the identity of being the strong one.
• 18:01
  Dora: It may be the belief that rest must be earned.
• 18:05
  Dora: And especially for me around the holidays, I feel like I have to earn it.
• 18:08
  Dora: So it may be an old story that says, if I don't do it, everything will fall apart.
• 18:14
  Dora: And yeah, that one landed, didn't it?
• 18:17
  Dora: Your pattern is not proof that something is wrong with you.
• 18:20
  Dora: It may be a strategy that once helped you feel safe.
• 18:24
  Dora: Understanding allows you to think that strategy and choose what fits in your life right now.
• 18:31
  Dora: So now we get to S, which is for self-care.
• 18:35
  Dora: And self-care means including your health, the time, your energy, the needs and priorities in the decision.
• 18:44
  Dora: Not after you're exhausted and it's like, oh my gosh, I need to break.
• 18:47
  Dora: No, it's inside the decision.
• 18:50
  Dora: Sometimes self-care is saying no.
• 18:52
  Dora: Sometimes it is saying yes with a clear limit, like mm-mm.
• 18:56
  Dora: Sometimes it's offering another time.
• 18:59
  Dora: Sometimes it's asking for help or shared responsibility.
• 19:02
  Dora: Or sometimes it is resting before your body forces you to stop.
• 19:06
  Dora: Like when I threw my back or whatever the case may be, like you get sick.
• 19:11
  Dora: Sometimes it is allowing another person to solve their own problem.
• 19:15
  Dora: Sometimes it is changing your mind when new information becomes available.
• 19:21
  Dora: Self-care is not always soft or comfortable.
• 19:25
  Dora: Sometimes self-care sounds like this.
• 19:27
  Dora: I'm not available for that.
• 19:30
  Dora: I cannot take that on right now.
• 19:33
  Dora: Well, imagine if I said that at work, but you get that you get it, right?
• 19:37
  Dora: Or I can help for 30 minutes, but I cannot own the whole project.
• 19:42
  Dora: I'm available next week, not today.
• 19:45
  Dora: I need support if I'm going to say yes to this.
• 19:49
  Dora: Or my favorite is I have changed my mind.
• 19:53
  Dora: Because you are entitled to change your opinion in your mind.
• 19:56
  Dora: You're responsible for communicating your answer with honesty and care.
• 20:00
  Dora: You are not responsible for making sure nobody ever feels disappointed by your clarity.
• 20:06
  Dora: Now we get to the last one here, which is E is for express gratitude.
• 20:12
  Dora: So express gratitude means thanking yourself for listening inward, honoring the clarity, and communicating your response with care.
• 20:20
  Dora: So begin with yourself.
• 20:22
  Dora: Thank you for pausing.
• 20:24
  Dora: Thank you, body, for communicating with me.
• 20:27
  Dora: And I love to cross my, you know, and just if you're looking on camera, you can see.
• 20:31
  Dora: Like just to feel safe.
• 20:33
  Dora: I am grateful I gave myself time.
• 20:36
  Dora: I am proud of myself for including my needs.
• 20:40
  Dora: Then, if it feels true, express gratitude to the other person.
• 20:45
  Dora: Thank you for thinking of me.
• 20:47
  Dora: I am not available this time.
• 20:49
  Dora: Thank you for giving me time to decide.
• 20:53
  Dora: Or I appreciate the invitation, I am going to pass.
• 20:57
  Dora: Thank you for understanding what I can offer.
• 21:00
  Dora: Because you need to know where you stand.
• 21:06
  Dora: Gratitude does not require you to override your boundary.
• 21:11
  Dora: You can be grateful and still say, mm-mm, no, no.
• 21:16
  Dora: You can love someone and still choose yourself, time and time again.
• 21:21
  Dora: So let's walk through a real life example.
• 21:24
  Dora: Let's put the five steps together.
• 21:27
  Dora: So imagine someone asks and just shows up and says, Can you help me with this over the weekend?
• 21:34
  Dora: Your automatic response is ready to say, Yes, of course, I'll figure it out.
• 21:39
  Dora: But you already know you are tired, you need rest, and your family needs your presence.
• 21:46
  Dora: So what you're gonna do?
• 21:48
  Dora: And you also need your own presence.
• 21:52
  Dora: So you pause.
• 21:54
  Dora: You say, Thank you for asking.
• 21:56
  Dora: Let me check my capacity, and I'll get back to you.
• 22:00
  Dora: Then you acknowledge what is present.
• 22:02
  Dora: I feel pressure to say yes.
• 22:04
  Dora: I'm afraid that they will think I don't care.
• 22:07
  Dora: So that's where you kind of sit with yourself there.
• 22:10
  Dora: Then you seek to understand.
• 22:12
  Dora: I learned to show love by helping.
• 22:15
  Dora: But saying no to this request does not mean I do not love this person.
• 22:21
  Dora: Then you include self-care.
• 22:24
  Dora: I need this weekend to rest.
• 22:26
  Dora: I cannot take this on, but I can give you 30 minutes on Monday.
• 22:30
  Dora: Finally, you express gratitude.
• 22:33
  Dora: Thank you for asking and for understanding what I can offer.
• 22:39
  Dora: And there we go, that's pause.
• 22:43
  Dora: And that is a conditional yes.
• 22:46
  Dora: This is not rejection.
• 22:50
  Dora: This is an honest definition of what you can give without resentment or self-abandonment.
• 22:57
  Dora: And sometimes the honest answer will be a complete no.
• 23:03
  Dora: So no alternative, no long explanation, all right, and no apology for having a limit.
• 23:12
  Dora: That answer is worthy of respect too.
• 23:21
  Dora: You may use the method, make an aligned decision, communicate it super crystal clear, and still feel guilty afterward.
• 23:31
  Dora: That does not automatically mean you made the wrong choice.
• 23:36
  Dora: Sometimes guilt is the feeling of breaking an old pattern.
• 23:40
  Dora: If you were taught that love equals the availability, choosing your capacity may feel wrong before it feels normal.
• 23:49
  Dora: It's just the honest truth.
• 23:51
  Dora: And if you were rewarded for overfunctioning, rest may feel irresponsible before it feels restorative.
• 23:56
  Dora: And I know I went through that because my parents worked all the time, that work ethic, right?
• 24:01
  Dora: But if you were always a rescuer, allowing someone else to solve their problem may feel uncaring before it feels healthy.
• 24:10
  Dora: Okay.
• 24:11
  Dora: Do not confuse discomfort with misalignment.
• 24:15
  Dora: Okay.
• 24:16
  Dora: You do not have to undo your boundary because guilt arrived.
• 24:22
  Dora: You can say, I feel guilty and I am still honoring my decision.
• 24:28
  Dora: And just embody that.
• 24:31
  Dora: You can let the feeling move through without giving it the authority.
• 24:35
  Dora: So your two-minute pause practice, I want to guide you through the two-minute practice from the free guide that you'll get provided, and I'll share the link.
• 24:47
  Dora: And if you are driving, operating machinery, or doing anything that requires your full attention, continue listening and return to this practice when you are somewhere safe.
• 24:56
  Dora: If it feels comfortable and safe, soften your gaze or close your eyes.
• 25:01
  Dora: You may also place a hand over your heart and one over your belly.
• 25:06
  Dora: And take a slow breath in.
• 25:11
  Dora: And when you're ready, you let it go through your mouth.
• 25:20
  Dora: Now bring to mind one request you have not answered yet.
• 25:25
  Dora: Or one yes your body is asking you to consider.
• 25:31
  Dora: Choose something that feels present and manageable.
• 25:39
  Dora: Now P is for pause.
• 25:41
  Dora: Ask yourself, can I give myself time before responding?
• 25:52
  Dora: Now A, acknowledge.
• 25:54
  Dora: What am I feeling and what is my body telling me?
• 26:04
  Dora: And again, there's no judgment here.
• 26:06
  Dora: See what comes up.
• 26:12
  Dora: Now you is to understand.
• 26:16
  Dora: What am I afraid might happen if I say no?
• 26:27
  Dora: Now S is for self-care.
• 26:30
  Dora: What would caring for myself look like in this decision?
• 26:43
  Dora: And again, don't overthink it.
• 26:45
  Dora: Go with the first instinct.
• 26:46
  Dora: I know for me it's massage.
• 26:50
  Dora: Now we move on to E.
• 26:52
  Dora: Express gratitude.
• 26:54
  Dora: What am I grateful to understand now?
• 26:57
  Dora: And what will I say?
• 27:04
  Dora: And again, you can go ahead and pause as long as you like this video or the recording.
• 27:10
  Dora: Where you're listening.
• 27:14
  Dora: And when you're ready, silently thank yourself for listening.
• 27:18
  Dora: Thank your body for communicating with you.
• 27:21
  Dora: Thank the version of you who is learning that she deserves to be part of her own decisions.
• 27:29
  Dora: Now I'm gonna invite you to take one more breath, a slow breath with me.
• 27:32
  Dora: So it's breathing through your nose.
• 27:37
  Dora: And when you're ready, breathe out through your mouth.
• 27:44
  Dora: And whenever you're ready, open your eyes or lift your gaze.
• 27:51
  Dora: Welcome back.
• 27:53
  Dora: What became clear when you gave yourself permission to pause?
• 27:58
  Dora: Maybe you found your answer.
• 28:00
  Dora: Maybe you recognize that you need more information, which is perfectly valid.
• 28:06
  Dora: Maybe the only clarity you have is that you need more time to just sit with it.
• 28:12
  Dora: And that is clarity.
• 28:14
  Dora: I want to leave you with a permission slip.
• 28:17
  Dora: So, mijita.
• 28:19
  Dora: You are allowed to take your time.
• 28:21
  Dora: You are you do not have to answer immediately.
• 28:24
  Dora: Someone else's urgency does not automatically become your obligation.
• 28:29
  Dora: You can be loving without abandoning yourself.
• 28:32
  Dora: Self-care belongs inside your act in your decisions, not only after you are exhausted.
• 28:38
  Dora: You can be grateful and still have a boundary.
• 28:41
  Dora: Your yes, your no, your not right now are all worthy of respect.
• 28:50
  Dora: The pause does not always lead to a no.
• 28:53
  Dora: It leads to a more honest answer.
• 28:56
  Dora: And every honest answer helps you build self-trust.
• 29:02
  Dora: If this episode helped you recognize your automatic yes, I created a free companion guide for you.
• 29:09
  Dora: It is called pause before you say yes.
• 29:12
  Dora: Inside you will find the five-step method and the three kinds of yes reflection questions, a the two-minute practice that we practiced, and a response for you that you can borrow when you need more time.
• 29:24
  Dora: And I also recorded a pause activation that you can pair with your guide.
• 29:29
  Dora: So let my voice guide you through the practice so you can settle your nervous system, listen inward, and meet your answer with compassion.
• 29:39
  Dora: The guide and activation are linked in the show notes below.
• 29:43
  Dora: And also, if you want to send me a voice memo, I love those.
• 29:45
  Dora: Um somebody sent me a voice memo, which it was very sweet.
• 29:48
  Dora: Thank you, thank you so much because it gives me juices to keep on going.
• 29:52
  Dora: I love putting these together, these podcasts, especially now that we're on video.
• 29:56
  Dora: But I'm going to invite you to download the podcast, the guide, the pause guide, and the activation and use them with one real decision.
• 30:06
  Dora: And then I'm inviting you to send me a message.
• 30:09
  Dora: Um, you can do it down below.
• 30:11
  Dora: You can send me a text, a voice memo, or I'm out on Instagram at imihita podcast.
• 30:18
  Dora: And tell me what became clear when you gave yourself permission to pause.
• 30:22
  Dora: I would truly, honestly, oof, from the bottom of my heart, love to hear from you.
• 30:27
  Dora: And if you know a woman who is always saying yes, always caring everyone and always putting herself last, share this episode with her.
• 30:36
  Dora: Maybe these are the words she needs today.
• 30:39
  Dora: Like, for example, you could like you are allowed to take your time.
• 30:43
  Dora: So just that alone, so many nuggets.
• 30:46
  Dora: Mijita, you do not need a crisis before you listen to yourself.
• 30:50
  Dora: You do not have to wait until you are exhausted, resentful, and falling apart.
• 30:54
  Dora: You can begin with one breath and one honest sentence.
• 30:59
  Dora: Thank you, hmm, for asking.
• 31:03
  Dora: Let me check my capacity and I'll get back to you.
• 31:07
  Dora: The pause is not empty space.
• 31:09
  Dora: It is where you stop disappearing from your own decision.
• 31:14
  Dora: It is where your truth gets a chance to speak.
• 31:19
  Dora: And that's where embrace your races, reclaim your essencia, and create a life with infinite possibilities.
• 31:29
  Dora: Nos vemos until next time.
• 31:32
  Dora: Sending you so much love and a big kiss and a big hug, virtual hug for those of you that are on video.
• 31:38
  Dora: And sending you so much love.
• 31:40
  Dora: Thank you.
• 31:41
  Dora: Until next time,