Latest / WhozYourMama / Choosing Yourself Is a Skill You Can Learn

Transcript

Choosing Yourself Is a Skill You Can Learn · WhozYourMama

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Who's Your Mama, a podcast focusing on tomorrow's future, which are our kids, educators, teachers, parents, all-encompassing with the goal of understanding that our brain is a muscle that we can exercise to control the speed in the direction that we want.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, y'all.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: The time is now.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Annabelle Sullivan, welcome back to Who's Your Mama?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me, Michelle.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's always a pleasure.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the things I always reflect back on our conversations.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And just for anyone that's listening for the first time, you can look back.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Annabelle's been on here many times for many reasons, but you don't have to listen to the previous episodes to get something out of today.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the goal.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I I was saying to you before we started filming was I always reflect on our conversations, and it's such a gift.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that uh that continues to be this.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a long relationship that both of us um speak fondly of.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you as always.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So on on that note of being grateful and having gratitude, gratitude for who we have in our life in all areas and why.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that sparked my mind when I was thinking about our episode today was a particular area around not overpromising and underdelivering.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So being true, I think everyone wants to know that people's actions and words support each other.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens as well.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes things shift and you can change your mind.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: What advice and would you give to others in that area and how have you incorporated those things in your very busy life?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100%.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think this is really important too in considering, you know, change over time as one gets older and takes on more responsibilities, for example, right?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or like expands friend circles, family members, and there's just a lot of things that pile up, right, through life.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it starts to become kind of a game of like, what am I gonna say yes to?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And how do I learn how to say no?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's something that comes to mind for me, and something that's been an interesting skill that I'm still learning on how to develop is how to say no in that sense of like, where am I prioritizing my time and my bandwidth and my energy and being comfortable within myself to say no to certain opportunities when I know I can't do that, you know, or I can't get there, I don't have time for it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think that it really just comes down a lot to building that sense of self within yourself and like being able to like get in touch with your body and like physical needs for me has been something like that's a really important indicator of like when I'm taking on too much, for example, and when I start to need to remind myself, like, okay, you know, I might need to change my mind about saying yes to this event that I said I'd go to because I'm starting to not feel so great, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's always that fear of like, I don't want to let somebody down if I say no, you know.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it really becomes a battle of like connecting with your inner self and really get in tune with what's gonna serve me best and knowing that people will have forgiveness.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's something that is learned over time.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still learning it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I've gotten better at it now, but it was really difficult for me like two, three years ago, to say no to anything or when I knew I had an obligation, but I was starting to feel sick, starting to feel stressed.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I have to go anyway because I don't want to let people down, you know, and it's really just taking that shift in mindset and being like, I have to do what's best for me and my health, and really make sure you're prioritizing yourself, and everything else will fall into alignment and people will have forgiveness.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you bring up, well, many points, but two things that really stuck stood out for me, and also I can relate to as well.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give two examples.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So the first being being in tune to what your body is telling you over time, even though you know I have a lot of friends that will say, Well, I'm just a people pleaser.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think everyone wants to please themselves and others, it's you know, what to what degree you can be a direct person for the most part, like myself, and still be a people pleaser.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Those can happen in parallel.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: What I've found over time, the more that I is chosen for me and or I choose in life, there are certain things within my body that will actually show inflammation.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh behind my knee that's I've had two surgeries in my feet.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um an extreme version is which is rare for me, is a migraine.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: So the goal is for none of that to happen, but it's being in tune with okay, I I might be getting good sleep, but is it enough sleep?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do I have on my plate?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then that leads me to the second thing for myself.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And anyways, you can give even specific examples for people to say, Well, all that sounds well and good, you know, because I would like us to then get into what are some things that are tangible, immediate things that might seem like small steps but are not to then build off of for me is my mind, I do not have ADD or ADHD.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um that being said, I have elements at time that can situationally uh reflect that.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I have learned over the years to know that that is a sign that my body is triggering me that I want to flip the coin to spark my mind to say you are caring too much.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, what would you say are the things that when you say it's something you're continuing to learn and specifically started maybe a handful of years ago, yeah, that could be relatable, and then some tangible tools that people can take with them.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: For sure, for sure.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I appreciate that.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and one thing I also want to add too is a lot of times choosing ourselves seems like the more difficult choice.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's something that I think is worth looking into and reflecting and breaking down and in everyone's own life and own being is you know, shifting that narrative to feel comfortable choosing yourself, knowing that, you know, life is you and yourself always.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Other people are part of your life as well, but your own body and your own being is the most important and should be the most important.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and like for me, you know, I've learned some kind of like signs for me were just like sacrificing my preferences and things that like I wanted to do or the things that I wanted to make time for for myself.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'd sacrifice for, oh, I said that I would go help out with this event, or oh, well, I can't go on a walk today because I have to wake up at 6 a.m.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: tomorrow and go do this for this person, right?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I started to notice a lot in like my bandwidth and my schedule and feeling like I don't have any free time to do things for myself because I've made these choices that more directly benefit other people.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's where I decided, okay, it's really difficult for me, and I'm aware of that, to choose myself and like stay in bed one night instead of going to see my friends, right?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, I want to go see my friends so bad, but I know that if I stay in bed, I can rest my body and feel better next week.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it's always, I mean, for me, still feels more difficult to choose myself, but I think that's like a big takeaway of like really learning that self-reflection and being in tune with your body and telling yourself it's okay to choose yourself and it's gonna be beneficial.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's so interesting that you mentioned staying in bed because in my daughter, who's almost 18, since she was very young, I she has two homes and and and they're different.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like many, many people out there have two homes, and not not always are they the same.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: But what was consistent for what I was saying to her is you know, you can have one, I didn't call it lazy day, but one day of being, yeah, for you.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: If that means you know, being in your pajamas, so when she was younger, we would do that together.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and as she got older, I realized how much that has stuck with her, and she's an incredibly hardworking young lady now.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: That didn't interfere with that.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: What I also realized as she got older is I wasn't practicing what I was communicating to her.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I thankfully set that foundation, and then I realized, well, if that's what I'm doing with her, I would do it when she was younger, and then when she maybe was having a nap or just wanted to read, I was working in my pajamas.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's become more enlightened.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I really like what you said because it's giving ourselves the permission, and that is one of the foundations of who's your mama that we've discussed on here is energy hygiene.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and taking the time and space, and it's not being selfish, it's self-love, and that is not semantics.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I actually love that so much.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not being selfish, it's self-love.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think, like in our society, in this day and age, right, like it's all go, go, go.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's all like if you're not working, you're not doing enough.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that's where we lose the importance of having those self-care days or those reset nights where you actually just need a chance to rest.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Giving yourself the permission to rest is something that I still battle with all the time.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: I still have my mom telling me that, hey, it's okay.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can take a sick day, you can rest today.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'll still have to check in and get that kind of external support.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you this question.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Did your mom growing up, did your mom do that for herself?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: She oh well, she always something that like core memory for me is like every time I woke up in the morning feeling a little bit sick, didn't want to go to school, right?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's some, you know, parents, some worlds where it's like, you gotta just tough it out and go to school, right?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: School's important, most important.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: My mom would always say to me, No, your health is the most important.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Stay home.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that stuck with me, right?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I have relied on her for that support to remind me that sometimes because I'll be in the mentality of, no, I gotta get up and go do it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I need her to kind of counter that with, it's okay.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's always about, you know, either you have your person that can remind you, or you can remind yourself and get in that practice of reminding yourself, it's okay for me to take a break right now when that's what my body needs.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm physically ill or I'm physically tired.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna be able to be productive anyway.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Let me take that rest that my body is asking for, and then pick up where I left off.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think, and we will pick up where we've left off very soon.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a really good point, is and I think sometimes writing it down so that you can see is is this in my head or is this reality?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is this becoming in a pattern that I want to continue or not?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And and for somebody like you who you know quite a bit older, it's been harder for me to break because it's been embedded for longer in certain ways.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that is part of again, who's your mama is is that said no healthy adult ever.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I wish I would have learned some of these really helpful life skills later in life.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I really appreciate you sharing all of this.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's one key takeaway before um we sign off for today, if somebody remembers one thing to spark their mind on this topic, what would it be?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Always choose yourself and give yourself the ability to take a break.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, as we always sign off, first of all, thank you, Annabelle Solomon, as always.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is food for thought to help us all grow.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know what time it is.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, y'all.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for tuning in to Who's Your Mama.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to collaborating from a community standpoint for the next episodes.