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From Overwhelmed to On Top With One Model · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The hard times feel way harder when you make it personal.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: When you judge yourself for feeling the way that you do, or not being where you think you should be yet, or thinking that you're getting stuff wrong, or comparing yourself to other people.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't just about being a woman in business.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is about being human, about all the roles that you're juggling, the mother, the wife, the leader, the CEO, the daughter, the sister.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there tends to be this thing that we think it should be easy if we were good enough, but it's just not true.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to introduce you to a coaching tool that will show you why this isn't personal, so you can finally start dropping the judgment and feel powerful and resourceful no matter what your brain is offering you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, you know what to do.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you've listened to any of the previous episodes, you will often hear me refer to the model.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And before I continue, I want to credit the creator of the model, who is Brooke Castillo, who is the uh founder of the Life Coach School.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, the model is the perfect coaching tool to illustrate to you that rather than the issues you experience being a reflection of your personal abilities, your capabilities, it's nothing more than a broken strategy that you are executing.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: When you think of it like a tripped circuit, something in the system is creating a misfire, and unless you change it, the same thing will keep happening.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when the same thing keeps happening and we're struggling to change it, and we keep blaming ourselves and shaming ourselves, we actually kind of rob ourselves of our personal power.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: We actually put ourselves in a state where it becomes even harder and harder to manage our brain and to get out of it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of continuing to blame, shame, and judge yourself, you can now lean on this system to create a different result, which isn't just easier on you mentally and emotionally, actually gives you a tangible, actionable, course correct.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm gonna describe the model to you very simply and then I'm gonna run you through an actual example.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the model starts with something called the circumstance.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's five steps in the model.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the circumstance is effectively something that is entirely neutral.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you a couple of examples.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you were talking about weight as an example, you'd actually put your weight in the circumstance.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: You wouldn't say I'm fat or I'm skinny, right?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: You'd put in your specific weight.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: If it was um I'm not earning enough money, you'd actually have to put your income in there as a fact.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm earning X amount of pounds or dollars.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the circumstance is always neutral.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, everybody would have to agree on it because it's universally true.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a fact, it's a circumstance.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: The next step in the model is the thoughts.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thoughts that you have around that circumstance.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Following on from that, we have the feelings.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the feelings that come from the thoughts that you're having about the thing.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, this gets easier when I give you an example.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then how do we act?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: What actions do you take when you're running that model of thoughts and feelings?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what results is it creating?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got thoughts, we've got circumstance, thoughts, feelings, actions, results.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what I really want you to notice here is two things.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: That number one, it is the thoughts that you are having about the circumstance that create the charge.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So there will be somebody in the world that's earning what you're earning and will feel very different about it than you do.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody that weighs the same as you will feel differently, somebody that has your exact life circumstance that feels entirely different.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So the thoughts that you are having are creating the charge about the thing.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I go on so much about the fact that I think I might have even spoken about this in the last um in the last podcast, is that it is the resistance to the current what is that creates the problem.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not actually the it's not actually the circumstance, it's the resistance to it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first of all, notice that the thoughts create the charge.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And secondly, and this is what so many people miss, this is a mind-body experience.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: It is a somatic experience.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have the thoughts and you feel the thoughts in your body.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Your body adopts the shape of the thoughts and the feelings, whether it's through a clenched jaw or the leaning in or the clenched stomach or the or the the raised heartbeat or the sweaty palms.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like we call, I call it a somatic shape.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: So now I want to show you an example and run through it.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna just for for to keep it simple, I'm gonna use the example of social media.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna place social media in the circumstance line.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not putting in there how many likes and follows I get or how many comments I get or anything, I'm just putting social media, and I'm gonna now run it with a lot of the common things that I hear from people around social media.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, social media is circumstance, thoughts.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've got nothing to say.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I find it hard to come up with ideas.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I go blank when I sit at my desk to do social media.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: No one likes or comments anyway.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've never got any work from social media, so what's the point?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: It takes way too much time.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not a social media kind of person.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like social media.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do any of those sound familiar to you?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got those set of thoughts.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of the fresh the some of the feelings that I often get told around social media are frustration, apathy, irritation, overwhelm, disappointment, defeated.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where you would say, these are the thoughts I have about social media, and this is how I feel about social media.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you're running that model of thoughts and feelings, what goes in the action line?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Intermittent posting?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have this thing of like, well, you you you act, you post, but you it's like I'm just getting something out there, you don't really think about it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: That you end up getting stuck in your own head and you're thinking not thinking about your clients because you're always thinking about yourself, you get stuck in compare and despair.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: You take weeks out of social media at a time, and then in the results line, the R line, maybe there's no growth on your socials, maybe there's no sales from your socials.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like you've got to have a look for that for yourself.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, can you see how you have a neutral circumstance, and the reason that you don't think it's neutral is because of the thoughts, the immediate thoughts that your brain offers you, how you feel about them, but then what you notice is that the thoughts that you have actually create the actions that you take.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, how would you use the model for yourself?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, we've now identified the broken strategy.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what a lot of people do, and there's no right nor wrong, but I want to just offer you a perspective shift.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, most people would go right to choosing different thoughts, and you can absolutely totally do that.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: However, my experience is that the biggest blocks that people don't address actually live within their body, and when people don't remove the blocks from the body, I find my my clients and my and students find themselves orbiting around and in the same problems over and over again because they're trying to manage them at a mental level, and it's actually the hold in the body that's creating the problem.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, I always actually naturally encourage my clients to start with the feeling line.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to feel about social media?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to feel about social media?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: What does your audience need you to feel about social media so that you can show up in integrity and in authority and in leadership and in excitement and in faith?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: What's more resourceful?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then what would you need to think in order to generate those feelings?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: So effectively, what you want to be doing is eliciting a change of state, which is a sort of like a mental, emotional, spiritual, physiological state that you find yourself in.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: For me, my truth is that state change is how you create quantum leaps, how you jump timelines in your business, how you collapse time right down.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just the thinking thinking different thoughts, it's actually changing the state of in which your body is, and you literally do jump timelines to start creating different results.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you get to choose, but I would encourage you, if you're a client of mine, to start with the feeling state and then become an absolute ninja at creating that state at will.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to give you some examples in a second.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to recognize that the circumstance line is a life tool, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this could be business income, it could be business growth, it could be your weight, you're something around your health, it could be something around your marriage or relationships with your children or with your with your partner.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anything can go in the circumstance line, right?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are a human.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're a human living a life whilst you grow your business, while you grow your business.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd love to also invite you to be aware enough to know that when you're running an ineffective model in your business, what's the knock-on effect in your day-to-day life?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: What model do you then run with your partner, with your health, with the sense of joy that you have?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because I see a lot of women holding back on living their best life whilst they build their business, and when they've got their business sorted out, then they start living.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't buy into that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I will never buy into that anymore.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I did for a long time until my dad died.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I just don't let myself go there anymore.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to offer you that that the models are kind of um interconnected, they're gonna be having an impact somewhere else.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when you use the model consistently, here's what happens.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, it gives you the opportunity, if you choose to take it, that you can stop taking things personally and you can lean on the new strategy.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: The more uncomfortable part of this is you have to take full, radical personal responsibility for continuing to execute a broken, broken strategy.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be willing to have a look at what I am gaining by continuing to execute this broken strategy.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you say, well, nothing, because I don't want to be here, let me tell you with a lot of love that you are gaining something.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you weren't gaining something, you wouldn't continue to do it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: You might have to dig into your unconscious for that.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you use the model consistently, you'll find it really easy to start utilising other tools to help you implement the strategy more consistently and more powerfully.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, I teach my clients how to use NLP tools such as the Ring of Power and Anchoring to create that desired feeling state at will.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I show them how to create swish patterns in their brains that they can embody the new desired outcomes visually inside their brain.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: From a coaching perspective, I teach them a technique called RWID, which is the relative weight of importance and duration, to help them hold those resourceful thoughts on the dashboard of their mind more often.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, what happens is that you get to manage your experience of everything.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always about being positive, but it is always about being resourceful and in charge of what state you choose.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna finish this off by reminding you that it's a practice.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have been created through a series of defaults.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: We live through default most of the time.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: We are living unconsciously.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those of you that are building a business, you have to be more conscious more of the time because you're probably likely to be feeling so much of a bigger emotional palette than somebody that's just going through the motions.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a sign that you're creating a life that you really want.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that anything's broken.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: But my job as your coach is to help you navigate that so that you can enjoy the ride no matter what's coming, that you have tools that help you keep consistently breaking that default to change and choose consciously how to show up every day.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really truly do believe that your business success is inevitable when you just keep holding that thought.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: So now you know, every time you hear me refer to the model, you now know what I'm talking about, and you can start using this tool for yourself right away.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: It really is a game changer.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I will speak to you again in the next episode of the Be My Lobster Podcast.