Latest / The Conscious Divorce / How to Take Care of Yourself During Divorce
Transcript
- Justin Milrad: A few years ago, in the middle of my divorce, I was deep in victim mode. Stuck, reactive, telling myself the story that this thing was happening to me. I went out for a run and put on a Jesse Isler video. He started talking about the average lifespan of an American male. Then he ran the math on his own age. The number was uncomfortable. The point landed harder. We don't know how much time we have. We only know that we have today. That run changed something in me. It's part of the reason I became a triathlete. Why I wear an aura ring, why I track my glucose, and why this conversation exists. Because if you're going through a divorce right now, you're not just losing a marriage. You're losing a routine, a rhythm, a lifestyle. And most of the time, your health goes with it. Today we rebuild the most important asset you have. You. Welcome to the Conscious Divorce Podcast, the show for high achievers navigating divorce with strategy, clarity, and intention. I'm Justin Milrad, founder of Reclaim and Reboot and creator of the U2.0 method: Reclaim, Reboot, and Become. Today's guest is Meriden Zerner. Meriden is an award-winning registered dietitian nutritionist with more than 30 years in the field, 25 of them at one of the most respective preventative medicine facilities in the country. She's a certified specialist in sports dietetics, a certified health and wellness coach, and the creator of Thoughtful 30 program. She's been featured on ABC, NBC, Fox News, and in Health, Shape, and Prevention magazines. Meriden, welcome to the show. Meridan Zerner: Hey, thank you. And actually just last week featured in Forbes and I have a business insider credit now too. Justin Milrad: Amazing. Congratulations. Before we start the episode, I do want to talk about our standard disclaimer. the content of this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not legal, financial, medical, or mental health advice. Please consult a licensed professional for guidance specific to your situation. So first before we go deep, I'd love to kind of hear your backstory. How did you get involved in this line of work? Meridan Zerner: I think like many people, it's been a lot of different rabbit holes and areas of interest. I started in journalism. So my first degree out of Syracuse was in journalism. And that whole time I taught fitness classes and I took nutrition classes, and I just thought, well, that's a cute little hobby over there. And after seven years in news, I I really this is the piece that's calling me. I'm so interested and vested and passionate about well-being. And there is this nuanced piece under the dietetics umbrella, this idea of preventive nutrition, preventive health and medicine. And that's the piece that really lit me up. How do we take care of today's body so that we can care for your future self? What can we do now that's going to keep you well so you have the energy to navigate all of life's circumstances? Justin Milrad: Which is unbelievable. And I don't think we really take that into consideration until we have a major life event or we hit a certain age. I'm fifty-three, my birthday was yesterday, and the day I turned fifty, I realized that there's a good chance that half my life is already past. And I really need to start taking care of my health. frankly, I've been doing this ever since I've been going through my divorce journey, but it's more important now than ever because I feel like the day I turned fifty, everything changed. Meridan Zerner: Well, and I want to pause on the on the birthday because I think these kinds of events are are worth, recognizing. So happy belated birthday. And you said, Hey, half my life is over. And the wellness coach in me, which was something I added on with intention over the years, would also want to say, Well, half of your life is also also ahead of you. Justin Milrad: I love that. Absolutely love that. So let's talk about, you know, and frame why health belongs in a divorce conversation. So I kind of want to frame the thesis here. Here are some statistics. Divorce ranks second on the homes and race stress scale at 73 life change units, just behind the death of a spouse at 100. A 2014 meta-analysis in PLOS Medicine found that divorced individuals Have a 23% higher risk of early mortality compared to married peers, even after controlling for socioeconomic factors. And the three things most people abandon first during divorce are sleep, movement, and food quality. These are also the three most predictive of how the next five years will go. Lastly, connection. You cannot reclaim and reboot in a depleted body. Health is not the soft stuff, it's the operating system. So my first question for you is when a major life stressor like divorce hits, what actually happens inside the body in the first thirty, sixty, and ninety days? Meridan Zerner: Ooh, and it's complex. And I love that you're bringing this into the conversation because I I think it's very easy to say, yes, divorce is a very stressful chapter in someone's life, right? It's number two after the death of a spouse. But that so radically affects so many systems in the body, right? we look at sleep disruption affecting just cognitive clarity and decision making. We look at cortisol being at a higher level for longer that influences our immune system it makes it hard to digest which affects all things so we can appreciate that g the gut microbes change appetite changes our ability to heal and repair changes and the stress response in that situation is really quite powerful now I Wouldn't want anybody to feel like, this is something that they could radically avoid. But I think knowing the degree to which this influences how we eat, how we sleep, and how we respond maybe help somebody plan a little differently or to anticipate that, yeah, this is going to be really challenging across many fronts. And how do I ask for help around that? Justin Milrad: No doubt. And I also think that it's really important for people to know that the actual logistics of getting a divorce, there's a start date and an end date. So that doesn't mean that things aren't going to happen before and after. They 100% are, but the actual act of getting the divorce has an end date, and that's comforting to know that there is an end in sight. But it's something you're going to be, working through your entire life. And it's not necessarily a negative, it can be a real positive, but just know that often there's a dip before you really grow. Another question for you is what patterns do you see most often in newly separated or divorced clients? Meridan Zerner: I would say that like many people, when they are in it, when they are under duress, when they are stressed out, there's typically two different pathways. So I've got some folks who may kind of shut down. It can we we see, of course, depression, we see anxiety, we see maybe lack of appetite and not eating. And then we see sort of the flip of that, which is my gosh, the Brain and the body are really going to ask for some comfort in a thousand different ways. So maybe there's more overeating, maybe there's more indulgence in certain areas, full transparency. Some people drink that much more because it can feel so overwhelming. I think habits that were part of that day-to-day routine, like exercising or like going to the park with the kids that are now disrupted. I mean, we're rebuilding an entire recipe for somebody. because it's a new chapter, it's going to be a new way of approaching the next stage and it really does need a full reset. And I strongly encourage people to consider individual therapy too, because taking care of what's going on in here is just as important as, my gosh, are you getting enough fiber? Justin Milrad: So we know that nutrition, sleep, making ourselves a priority matters. Why do you think that we still get this backwards in a lot of cases? Meridan Zerner: I think we're human and because I think I think it's hard no matter what. And then add this extra layer of not just stress, but really painful emotional stress that that can bleed into so many aspects of of someone's life. I think that it's it's hard to manage just the day-to-day, which is why a lot of the habit change experts are gonna say, hey, it's okay to tackle one change at a time. Knowing that you still have to get the kids to school, you're still gonna have to grocery shop, fill your gas tank, get to work and kind of get through some of the day-to-day details. Some are more mundane than others. So all of those responsibilities. And then on top of that, a different kind of self-care now is needed. It's hard. I mean, it's hard. Justin Milrad: for the next section, I wanna talk a little bit about my own story and my own wake up call. So, I did mention earlier the Jesse Itzler story. And what he pointed out was the average American male lives to about 75.8 years. So let's round it up to 76. If you subtract your current age, that number is not necessarily as large as you think. Now there's no guarantee that we're gonna live to that age. There's a possibility Will live past that age, but you can't not hear or understand that math. A good friend of mine about 10 years ago called, he was very healthy, or so we thought, and he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And he said something that I will never forget. He said, We spend so much of our time preparing for retirement. One-third of us will not make it there. One third of us will get there, but we'll be too sick to enjoy it. And the other third will achieve what we planned. But we rarely ever know which third we're gonna be. And that really reframed everything for me. So health isn't a retirement project, it's a today project, especially during divorce when the temptation is to defer everything until things settle down. They don't settle down, you just settle in. So from a clinical perspective. What does the research say about lifespan gap between people who invested in health early versus late? Meridan Zerner: So one thing I'd want to offer up, of course, is that it's never too late to take a deeper dive and to shift or to tweak or to pivot around some of our habits, and we do get benefits. Some of the earlier studies, even on people that stopped smoking, you really could see this significant improvement in their health and and they would have increased their l their longevity. So if it's been a tough couple years, if it's been a tough decade. you still have a lot of room to be able to kind of come back around and improve your health, improve your longevity, your your health span, your lifespan. I I feel like the expectations can be we can we can come at them with some soft edges because it is important to put out the most immediate fire, right? My hope is not To the degree that everything else is taking a fullback seat, that if there's a way to do the 10 minute walk, if there's a way to not skip a meal, if there's a way to get in bed 30 minutes earlier, those kinds of things over time are gonna be quite meaningful. And then when you have more capacity, whether it's emotional, physical, or just focus even, you can invest that in ways that are gonna care for you, which means by the way. You're stronger, healthier, maybe happier over time. But that also means you're going to be able to be more present for your kids, for whatever is next. we wanna be there for that to the best of our abilities. As you just said, we don't know if we're gonna be the third that doesn't make it. Justin Milrad: I I like to talk about the two degree shift. if you think of flying an airplane, if you're the pilot and you change your course by two degrees, well, that doesn't seem like a lot in a 360-degree world, but the city you land in or the ocean you end up in, is gonna be pretty dramatic over time. So can you share with us maybe a small habit that if you change it on a daily, occurrence will compound a lot over an extended period of time. Meridan Zerner: And it's gonna be hard to choose because all of these really deserve their own headline, their own chapter, their own bold bumper sticker. one that I feel like many people could tackle even right now, as you're as they're listening to you, could be hey, we can increase hydration, right? Even a one to two percent level of dehydration. manifests as a sense of fatigue. It can manifest with a sense of anxiety. We certainly know clarity, agility, performance, energy, all of that is wrapped up into when we are dehydrated. So to get that extra glass of water, to have it be bubbly water, whatever works, that's going to go a long way. Of course, as a dietitian, as a performance specialist, I want to look at can we regulate your blood sugar a little bit better? for just kind of even energy. that might just mean, hey, we got to look at the clock. And as much as I want you to eat intuitively, if it's been five or six hours, we got to, we got to nourish this body. We got to fuel this brain and body. There's great data and research on, hey, if we can increase our fiber by even five to ten grams, my gosh, we get so many benefits. What does that look like? I don't know. Can you throw some more blueberries at your breakfast? Can you look at the label on the protein bar that you're eating as a snack to see, hey, can I choose the one that's got 10 or 12 grams of fiber? Let's do that. Those kinds of things have pretty serious return on investment. sleep is huge. We always we gotta go back to sleep. that's gonna be a major player, Insomnia is two times more common in divorcing adults. And so How do we wanna address that? In fact, if a client arrived and was working with me and you think about sleep as a full third of this metabolic puzzle, if they're having terrible sleep, I'm probably gonna have them work on that even before we work on refining their diet plan. Justin Milrad: I I love everything you said and I know that everything can make a can make a difference. I'll say in in my own case, I got one of these aura rings and it measures my sleep, it measures my activity, makes me want to work harder. Also have like a continuous glucose monitor. I don't know if you can see that there. and I've been wearing it for about two months and it's mind blowing how certain sugars and things that you eat can really impact. How you feel, even the order in which you eat it. if you measure it, you can manage it. So I'm a big fan for anyone who's listening. There are so many amazing tools out there that give you part of the answer and gives you information. And then you work with someone like Meriden who can help you interpret and build a system, it will really change how you feel. Let's talk about someone in their forties or fifties who's coming out of divorce. What is a realistic window to course correct? once they start seeing some changes, if they make some adjustments in their Meridan Zerner: And I think it depends which area we're looking at, because I would want people to know, hey, first of all, it's going to be about body composition, about strength. We want to work from a place of strength, muscle. So muscle's pretty hard one. And it may take four weeks to gain a pound of muscle. And that means exercise to the best of our abilities. It probably means resistance training at least once or twice a week, preferably twice if we look at the American College of Sports Medicine guidelines and recommendations. to lose a percentage of body fat, even 1%, might take two months. So it's going to be a slower journey, and that would be a fair and reasonable expectation. And in fact, I get concerned when we see radical shifts. a lot of people are utilizing some other kinds of tools right now, which is which is fine, but when we're seeing my gosh, 15 pounds of change in a couple weeks. That's actually concerning to me. We're not working from a place of strength in that way. from some of the other in terms of some of the other changes, most people in about two to three weeks will feel a little bit better, right? If that's with some dietary changes or some hydration changes, using some of those tools you just mentioned to get some feedback and adjust. But We'll see it manifesting in some physical things you might notice in more like the let's say five to six weeks. Big picture change for even from a behavior change standpoint where it becomes more lifestyle esque, it becomes more default or reflexive. That honestly takes about three months. Justin Milrad: So I I want to share my own personal story and my pivot from victim to triathlete. So I was going through my divorce. I was stuck in the victim identity. I was reactive. I was disconnected from my body. And, working with my coach, they said, you really need something to move towards, not just away from. So we picked a goal that was a big, audacious goal that would take some sort of responsibility daily from an exercise and eating standpoint. And we decided to to do triathlon training, which was actually mind blowing because I've never seen myself as a triathlete. I hated swimming. I was never biking. I ran, but I just never saw myself there. So I highly recommend picking some goal that will impact, your body, your mind, your spirit and your soul. To date, I've done six triathlons plus multiple half marathons and marathons and 10Ks. the tools that became my non-negotiable were my aura ring for sleep and recovery tracking, my watch over here, my Garmin watch, that really helped, map my athleticism, a continuous glucose monitor for real-time metabolic data, and anything that could help me. Do better. And that's, as well. I worked with a nutritionist, a life coach, a divorce coach, and it really, really helped me. So I will say the deeper insight here is that any sort of endurance training during your divorce recovery in a physical form can really help you sit and move from a place of discomfort to pace yourself to grow and then trust, the long game. So my next question for you is. What does the research actually say about exercise as an antidepressant and anti-anxiety intervention? Meridan Zerner: Actually, the research is quite powerful when we look at movement and supporting a better mood. And and I think to be clear too, there's a difference between like major depressive disorder and then situational depression, right? Which we would hopefully ebb and flow in and out of. Of course, it's gonna be helpful for both, but major depressive disorder and some of the other big big deal mental health challenges are gonna also need medications and of course. Probably a lifetime of therapy and and those kinds of tools. But in other countries, even they will prescribe exercise first before leaning on medication. Again, nothing wrong with medication when you need it, but it's quite powerful. We know that even a better diet can reduce depressive symptoms by 30%. And it's kind of this inflammatory pathway that we're talking through. You get a deeper night of sleep with the exercise, which influences mood. So there's a lot of opportunity, clearly as a phenomenal coping mechanism. But what happens when you exercise, right? You are placing demand on the body, you're demanding blood flow that's gonna make, go through a continuous circuit, including your brain. What we get from yoga is deep breathing. Well, you get that when you're out on the road biking, swimming, and running with your triathlon. So a lot takes place that comes from this one bit of movement. And it can be 10 minutes, it can be 20 minutes, it can be a higher intensity, it can be moderate intensity, but you're going to get benefits in about five different arenas that will then positively influence mood. Justin Milrad: and it's all cumulative. So this is a two-part question. For someone who's never been athletic, or at least they don't consider themselves athletic, what is the entry point that actually sticks? And the second part is any suggestions on how to hold yourself accountable? Meridan Zerner: So for someone who hasn't been athletic, first of all, I would say you're in great company. It's really probably the majority of us, right? Justin Milrad: Mm-hmm. Meridan Zerner: and that there is such return on investment to simply walking, right? Most of the research around even longevity and and preventing cognitive decline in Alzheimer's are really they they're they're looking at folks who are walking, maybe walking at a faster pace, but that's enough. We talk about starting with 10 minutes, working our way up to 20, working our way up to 30. Now 30 is the prescription, 30 minutes of movement most days. You can track it in a different way too, right? You could do higher intensity movement for less time. You could do interval training and get a greater percentage of calories burned from fat if that's part of your goal. We can track steps. The latest research around steps is in the 7,000 range for good health. Now, if you want to do more or you have more to accomplish, then it might be at a higher step range. But that's kind of a nice shot down the middle, a place to start. Here's what I really want people to hear. If you look at where you are, right? Because you've got a sense of measuring, you've got some good feedback coming in, and you're taking in 2000 steps a day, a next huge gift to self. And gift a future self, we're going to go from 2,000 steps to 3,000 steps. That's where we begin. Justin Milrad: Small incremental change again makes makes a big difference. Let's talk about the five pillars of a divorce recovery body. So pillar one is sleep. How does divorce level stress specifically wreck sleep and what's the cost? Meridan Zerner: Well, we know that one night of bad sleep, even one night of bad sleep, limits the efficiency of our repair. We know that one night of bad sleep bumps up this hunger hormone we have called ghrelin. And often people overeat the next day to the tune of about 400 calories. So there's a lot of influence here. certainly then just the day in and day out of a really bad night of sleep, we're Tired, we're grouchy, we're reactive. if we're already depressed, it's gonna make it harder and more challenging to get through the day. So the influence is is big. So we do what we can. We need a colder bedroom, we prioritize sleep, any of the sleep hygiene habits that are available out there, let's tap them all. Let's tap them all. Justin Milrad: Yeah. And and I think slight sleep hygiene's really important. things like no alcohol three hours before bed. it really impacts your REM sleep. maybe reading before you go to bed, putting your phone in an in another room, getting away from screens at least thirty minutes to an hour, before bed really makes a difference. And then the cold dark room really, really helps. Let's talk about pillar two, nutrition. what are the most common nutritional mistakes you see in, people going through a divorce? Meridan Zerner: and again, without judgment, always from my heart and soul, without judgment, I think it's very easy to skip meals because your appetite is off, you're you're stressed out, you're you're likely dealing with a lot of other other details, things that maybe your your spouse would have done previously. And so there's a kind of a shift in responsibilities. I think the body is gonna ask for carbohydrate because it's The serotonin pathway of the brain, which is calming, but we really actually need that balance of carbohydrate and protein and getting that well divided through the day to best regulate energy. we also need fiber. So sometimes we're not as enthused about making that beautiful salad for one now. Or maybe we're looking for something that's more of a comfort food instead of yay, steamed spinach. So We really want to make sure we get in enough fiber. Most people only get about 11 to 15 grams a day. For guys, it's our goal is 30 to 38 grams per day. So giving some thought to that as best as you can. It means you're gonna have to plan a little bit for it, prep a little bit for it, set yourself up for success with a few of those higher fiber snacks, higher protein snacks that are just ready to go. Like this is the time for ease, but ease looking through the health lens. You mentioned alcohol, so that is usually something that I would want to gently guide somebody around because it it really can not only be problemat problematic down the road, but it's tough on the liver, it's tough on sleep. yeah, this is not about being virtuous right now. It's it's it's not it's about not handicapping your own recovery. And we're we need you around, we need you well, we need you to be able to show up for the next step. Justin Milrad: and just a statistic, during divorce, alcohol use rises between thirty and fifty percent in studies tracking the first twelve months post separation. And I think it's really important to identify if you're that person, because alcohol dependency, we all know, not good, not healthy. but it could can also put you into a very dark place. So when you're getting some benefits from exercise and nutrition. Don't reverse your progress by using alcohol. Meridan Zerner: when we're talking about some of these pillars, you can get support and assistance by the experts, the people who live, eat, and breathe this, right? So it could all of the whole this whole chapter can be very overwhelming for someone, right? And and so if you feel like you would benefit from sitting down with a registered dietitian, if you want to sit down with the sleep medicine doc, let these folks let us kind of help you through this we're very creative we're gonna treat you as a unique human being you basically add one more person to your reboot and recover team so don't feel like you've got to do it all on your own or like know everything about protein and and that is that is something where we can assist. Justin Milrad: and also just know that many people have some of these services covered by their insurance plan. So check and see what's available. Let's talk about movement, pillar number three. What is the movement prescription you'd write for someone in the middle of divorce? Meridan Zerner: Once we get past just, hey, do the best you can with what you've got where you are. And it might very well mean that it's five minutes here and 10 minutes there. And sometimes it's just not sitting as much as we as we do. The prescription really is can we do 30 minutes most days in the week? And that's going to be cardiovascular, like working the heart, getting the blood flow. You can do again higher intensity for shorter periods of time. It is resistance training. It's some kind of weights or resistance twice a week. That's going to be for muscle maintenance. It's going to be for bone health, which is relevant for everyone. And then there's this piece that is just a nice overarching theme in general. We're looking for balance training, right? Aren't we always trying to create balance in our lives? But we need you to be strong and stable and grounded. And so even from a physical standpoint. balance training, like can you stand on one foot while you're brushing your teeth? Like those are some little things that we might be able to incorporate. but I feel like that sense of strength physically can also kind of help us mentally. Justin Milrad: Yep. always think movement is medicine. Let's talk about strength training, and why it's a non negotiable, especially after forty. So you talk about balance, which is really important. And I understand that as adults we lose three to eight percent of our muscle mass per decade after thirty, and it accelerates after sixty. Can you talk a little bit about the importance of strength training? Meridan Zerner: Muscle is your metabolic engine, and it is going to be one of the bigger pieces of the recipe, one of the more important ingredients in the recipe for longevity, in that it's the best regulator of blood glucose that we've got. In that we just want to be able to get up and down the stairs and get in and out of the car and go, play with the kids. That's how we're going to get the job done. Circopenia, which is age-related muscle loss, as you said, is, we're we may lose it if we don't push back. So this twice a week is really non-negotiable, at least in terms of what I would prescribe to a client. And then we'll be really creative about how we get it done. It could be that you've got just some like tubing or some weights at home that you can create a little 10 to 15 minute program after your run. It could be that you go to a gym or go sign up for a class because then that brings in the social piece. And the social piece, the connection piece is something that I know can be compromised and and and challenging or minimally very different during a divorce and on the heels of a divorce. Justin Milrad: Let's move to pillar four, mindset and stress regulation. Where does our nervous system regulation fit into the nutrition and health conversation? Meridan Zerner: I think you're putting it on your unhealth car for sure. The nervous system is an integral piece of the whole of our brain and body experience. And we have the sympathetic nervous system, which is the flight or freeze reaction, which is chemistry, by the way, and you have parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest. I want people to appreciate that they're both equally powerful. Right. But they are powerful. So when we are stressed, I mean our body can't really tell the difference between am I navigating one of the most significant emotional experiences in my life or am I running from a lion? So if your body is really on your side and wants you to survive and be able to run from the lion, my gosh, it's gonna initiate, glucose flooding the bloodstream. which over time becomes pre-diabetes, it's gonna backburner your immune system because who needs that when you're running from a lion? So there's a lot that happens here that's chemistry. But again, remember your parasympathetic system is over here, fully capable of matching that, and that's rest and digest. How do we get there? Well, deep breathing techniques, right? maybe it's meditation or mindfulness activities that are gonna help to counter. the stress that you may not be you can't remove the stressor sometimes immediately. So if stress, then what? It's hey, what what can you do to dial it down a notch? What gives you a little bit of peace, a little bit of ease, what allows you to decompress? Is it reading fiction? I mean everybody's different. Some people, I don't love golf, but some people like golf. It gets them outside, like, maybe that's something that you can incorporate more often. Justin Milrad: Pillar five is connection. And I know you talked Meridan Zerner: I want to find out. Justin Milrad: about it a little bit. Question is how does loneliness factor into post divorce health? And then I'm gonna add a second part, but what is the role of food and the dinner table in rebuilding connection? And how can we use that to our d our advantage? Meridan Zerner: I have really come to appreciate even in the last five years or so, maybe even since COVID, honestly, the degree to which connection influences health. And my hope is always to consult with people and look at all of these different areas of opportunity. This is big. The social and emotional wellness is equally as important as the physical well-being. They've got great research out of Harvard. It's one of the longest-running studies on human health and happiness, indicating, hey, the number one contributor to happiness at the end of someone's life is how many sort of deep connections that they have. It doesn't have to be a lot of them, but just some really deep connections where somebody's got your back. Sometimes we have to nurture those relationships. Sometimes we have to go out and create new relationships. It can be with family, it can be with friends, but Prioritizing those is an integral piece of our health. Maybe we laugh more, we go and socialize more. It's big. Those pieces do influence the diet, right? What's one of the best ways to slow down and connect? It's sitting down at a meal. That's why in the Mediterranean countries, we call them the like the blue zones. they talk about, well, they eat really well, but they're also slowing down and eating a meal with their neighbor. So they're feeling seen, they're feeling heard. they get a chance to kind of recap the day. Like this is part of the human experience. If it happens to couple with food, now you're maybe eating a little healthier, eating a little slower. If you have kids, you're modeling really phenomenal eating behaviors. We know that kids see that. They tend to eat better, they do better in school. They've got great research on that too. Justin Milrad: doubt, and and building community and connection is one of the greatest predictors of being able to move through divorce quickly and efficiently. I want to switch gears a little bit and talk about co-parenting through a health lens. when kids live in more than one household, it's important to set routines and teach the kids about health and wellness. Co-parenting requires emotional regulations, patience, and presence. All three collapse when you're sleep-deprived, underfueled, and sedentary. So, onus is on us to make sure that we're active and visible in their lives. So we have to model. Kids absorb our unique relationships with food, movement, and stress far more than we could ever lecture about it. And we can't pour from an empty cup, so it's important that we build and establish the right habits because our kids are watching. So what does the research say about how parental health behaviors shape children? Meridan Zerner: Well, I do love that visual you just offered of pouring from an empty cup. There was somebody that shared with me the idea of we want our kids and our friends and our family to really drink from the saucer. So if you've got the cup and the saucer, you're gonna have to take care of yourself to the degree that your cup is filled which means you have enough where it's gonna overflow and they will be able to sip from your saucer, which is really quite a lovely visual. We know that kids will follow our pattern. And so they observe that, if mom doesn't have ice cream or dessert, they will observe if dad isn't sitting down for the meal, they will observe if there's never a fruit or a vegetable at the dinner table. So when we think about really modeling and we think about as stressful as this situation might be for somebody going through a divorce, it's also one of the most amazing opportunities to show, hey, this is challenging and this is how you can respond to this kind of stress. And you talk about it and you like of course it's hard and at the same time, running parallel at the same time, so that kids also know here's how I'm gonna manage stress, right? We want to teach them we teach them how to react appropriately when somebody bullies them. Hopefully, we teach them how to react appropriately when they're disappointed. So this is another up teaching opportunity. And I don't want people to feel like it's just so much additional weight and responsibility, but at the same time, when you can make that better choice and your kids can witness it. If there can be agreements with the other parent that, hey, we're we're both gonna, try to serve a vegetable at dinner, we're both gonna insist that the kids drink water instead of a sports drink. Those kinds of things go a long way. It takes patience, it takes active parenting, but it is worth it. Justin Milrad: So emotional eating is a real challenge during divorce. we either eat too much or we don't eat enough. And it's not just the person directly going through the divorce, it's also the kids, it affects them too. So how should co parents talk about food and body image with kids during a divorce when emotional eating risk is elevated on all sides? Meridan Zerner: I think it starts with the language we might choose to use. So we can talk about nourishing the body, right? Energizing the body. Certainly, kids need fuel to grow. We still need fuel for brain health. We need fuel to get through our day. And when we think about the foods that will do that job well, they tend to be the healthier foods. Of course, we have room for some foods that actually are indulgent and taste good that we enjoy, but If there are treats, right? We don't necessarily need to do a treat every day. A treat doesn't take the place of a snack. And so those are important lessons. But to demonize a food or a food group, to speak very unkindly about your own body. I think kids hear that. And it's something that they take into their next chapter too. So we do have a chance here to get very grounded and clear about Yeah, we're human beings. We all emotionally eat. We eat sometimes a little bit more when we're happy or or when we're sad or we don't. And at the same time, if we're nourishing this body, if we value this body, if we want this body to do all the things we want it to do, then yes, we are gonna have to work on some of those nutrition pillars. Justin Milrad: So I'm really excited about this next section. It's talking about the Thoughtful 30, a 30-day reset built for real life. Most resets fail because they're extreme, restrictive, and built for someone with no real life or true plan. The thoughtful 30 is different. It's 30 days, 30 evidence-based habits structured as you jumpstart to figure out what actually works for you. This is exactly the kind of structured container that pairs with the reclaim you phase. of reclaim and reboot become. Can you walk us through the thoughtful thirty, what it actually is and what makes it different from a typical thirty day challenge? Meridan Zerner: The Thoughtful 30 actually was born courtesy of my son who last year came home and said, Mom, I want to do a triathlon. And I said, gosh, great. I was thinking, however, you haven't ridden a bike since fourth grade. But I didn't say that out loud. I was like, How can we help you? And he wanted to do a really extreme program. And I'm thinking, I have 30 years of experience in sport and performance, health and fitness, nutrition and wellness. Like I'd be happy to design something for you because we know that human beings do well with a certain amount of structure and support, right? We want scaffolding in areas in our life when we're trying to learn something new or do something new. So I put together these 30 days, knowing that magic does not happen in 30 days, but it's a phenomenal start. And it gives us day one and day thirty, that's about a month. And then you want to reassess how am I doing? How do I feel? What are my results? What's the next month gonna look like? So it gives you a chance to pause and think about your needs, super important. And how do you need to shift it because you are a unique human being? So I put together these 30 elements. As you can imagine, the top 10 power pillars are gonna be some of the things we've just talked about we Start with the sun. We want to set our rhythm. We want to get enough water. We want to get enough protein divided during the day. I have a gratitude practice in there. There may be some supportive supplementation. So you try it on, almost like trying on a pair of shoes. We're gonna walk around in it for 30 days, and then we're gonna adjust. You could choose to do one or two habits at a time, depending on your capacity and how overwhelmed you feel or how excited you are, or you can try on. all thirty because each and every one of those thirty elements will support your well being in some way somehow. Justin Milrad: Love it. Can you talk about the most impactful habits inside the program? Meridan Zerner: I think it's gonna vary person to person. If you're somebody who already likes vegetables and eats a ton of vegetables, then to focus on fiber is not going to be the piece that gives you the most return. It might be the sleep piece, right? I would say on average, most people really benefit from improving their sleep, from being more intentional with their protein and from increasing their fiber. The anti-inflammatory recommendations around dietary choices like the Mediterranean and the Mind diet, that's a game changer for a lot of people. Depends on their age and kind of what they're walking in with. But I think those are probably the most powerful pillars for most people. Justin Milrad: Outstanding. Well, we're going to move to my favorite section of every podcast, which is the lightning round. So I'm going to ask you some quick questions with quick answers, no qualifiers. You ready? Meridan Zerner: Okay. Justin Milrad: All right. Best single food to add to your daily routine. Meridan Zerner: Berries. Justin Milrad: Worst food masquerading is healthy. Meridan Zerner: Ooh. Granola, some brands of granola. Justin Milrad: Coffee, friend or foe. Meridan Zerner: Serious friend, bestie. Justin Milrad: Intermittent fasting, yes, no, or it depends. Meridan Zerner: Mostly yes, but I would say it depends because there's lots of different ways it could look and it might depend on male, female, your dietary patterns, what your goal is. Justin Milrad: Red meat, yes, no, or it depends. Meridan Zerner: Mostly yes again, but it depends on your health issues and portion and can we get a leaner cut and all that good stuff? Justin Milrad: Most overrated supplement. Meridan Zerner: I think the fat burners are the most overrated and the ones that usually Justin Milrad: Mm, sh, yeah. Meridan Zerner: cause the most trouble. Justin Milrad: if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. most underrated supplement. Meridan Zerner: I will say creatine actually now. Justin Milrad: Wearables worth wearing or not? Meridan Zerner: Yes, feedback is always helpful. I don't want to get too lost in the black and white or drive unnecessary self-criticism. But yeah, I think the feedback is really helpful for most people. Justin Milrad: Best breakfast for stable energy. Meridan Zerner: I love a good scrambled egg and a piece of peanut butter toast. I also love Greek yogurt with, flax seed and berries. Justin Milrad: Best post workout meal. Meridan Zerner: I gotta go stir fry on that. I love a little brown rice and stir fry veggies. One pot too, it's easy cleanup. Justin Milrad: Diet soda verdict. Meridan Zerner: No halo. Justin Milrad: Mm-hmm. Meridan Zerner: but neither do no no halo given. but regular soda does not get a halo either. Justin Milrad: protein target for an active adult. Meridan Zerner: The shot down the middle is like 90 to 100 grams. And so in my brain, the thoughtful 30, I think about things in 30s, 30 grams of fiber, 30 grams of protein, but the protein would be three times a day. So ballparking it, 30. You're a triathlete, you might need more for repair, and you're a guy, so you might need more. I love to do the math on each individual. Justin Milrad: Cheapest high impact health upgrade. Meridan Zerner: Ooh, s good sneakers, a good tennis shoe. Huge. Justin Milrad: One one habit you wish every client started with. Meridan Zerner: Prioritizing sleep. Justin Milrad: That may be the answer to my next question too. The one thing you tell someone on day one of their divorce. Meridan Zerner: That now is the time to care for yourself, maybe in a way that you haven't up to this point, to prioritize your needs as an amazing, unique human being who's gonna be navigating some really challenging stuff up ahead, potentially. Justin Milrad: Fantastic. So we are about to wrap up. So I just want to remind everyone reclaiming is about taking your body back from the stress, grief, and autopilot habits that divorce installs. Reboot is about installing new systems, sleep, nutrition, movement, tracking, accountability. And become is about who you are five years from now because of what you started today. the brain tumor conversation, just always remember that. That echoes. We never know which third we're gonna be, but we do have agency by taking care of ourselves to to place us as best as we can in the category to live long and prosper. If someone's listening right now, mid-divorce, exhausted, overwhelmed, and convinced they don't have the energy for any of this, what is the one thing they should do to? Meridan Zerner: They should as best as they can try to find that one positive psychology firefly moment which would ask what is okay. Because that one firefly moment of life assessment of like, hey, there are some things that are okay, I think get people to the next habit that get people to the next step. Justin Milrad: Thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Meriden, how can people get a hold of you? Meridan Zerner: All of my information, the thoughtful thirty pillars, I have a phenomenal free download for everybody is at Meriden Zerner Nutrition dot com. Justin Milrad: do you wanna spell Z Zerner? Meridan Zerner: Yes, and it's Z-E-R-N-E-R. My socials are Meriden Zerner. And the Meriden's actually an interesting spelling too, so I'll give it to you all at once. You can find me at Meriden Zerner Nutrition.com. My socials are at Meriden Zerner, M-E-R-I-D-A-N-Z-E-R-N-E-R. Justin Milrad: And we'll have all that information in the show notes. If this episode hit home, please share it with someone who needs it. Leave a rating and review and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. For more on the U 2.0 framework, coaching and resources, visit www.reclaimandreboot.me. Remember, divorce is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of U 2.0. Reclaim, reboot, and become.