Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Women, Boundaries & Emotional Wellness: How to Stop People Pleasing and Prioritize Self-Care with Angela Iacobellis

Transcript

Women, Boundaries & Emotional Wellness: How to Stop People Pleasing and Prioritize Self-Care with Angela Iacobellis · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  We talk about it because right now with the baby boomer
• 0:02
  generation, it's the great wealth transfer.
• 0:06
  And I think it's something like $30 trillion is going to be
• 0:09
  transferring to women because women outlive men.
• 0:14
  And you know, I've noticed it with, you know, in my mom and,
• 0:20
  you know, my mother-in-law. They're generations now, most of
• 0:23
  the women, they handle the day-to-day.
• 0:26
  They pay the gas bill, the electric bill that they they
• 0:29
  handle the checkbook. But the larger financial
• 0:31
  decisions have usually been made by the husband.
• 0:35
  And a lot of financial advisors and insurance professionals and
• 0:39
  everything else are men. And they look at the man.
• 0:43
  They don't always look at the woman.
• 0:45
  And then the man passes away and the woman's going, I don't know
• 0:49
  who you are. Yeah.
• 0:50
  So that's where we're talking to women.
• 0:52
  We're like, this is an opportunity as women and not to
• 0:56
  say that men can't do everybody does it, sure.
• 0:59
  It's just a different perspective and other women
• 1:02
  might they're going to be looking for women or a
• 1:06
  different, they're going to change advisors.
• 1:08
  So why not be that female voice that could be there for that
• 1:12
  woman and that generation to understand and to be able to
• 1:17
  speak with them and know what they're going through and
• 1:20
  empathize with them. So, yeah, it's a great
• 1:23
  opportunity for women at this point to get into the field.
• 1:26
  But, you know, really realize that, you know, and for all the
• 1:30
  menacing that look at the woman, she's gonna be the one
• 1:34
  controlling that purse string. She's not just the buying power,
• 1:38
  she's the the investment power. Yeah.
• 1:41
  And bring them both into the conversation and make sure they
• 1:44
  both understand what's happening here.
• 1:46
  Yeah, I mean, in my family, my husband jokes around.
• 1:49
  He's like, please don't ever leave me.
• 1:51
  He goes. I have no idea where anything
• 1:53
  is. Hello, and welcome to The Field
• 1:56
  Podcast. Today.
• 1:57
  I'm your host, Melissa Crook. I've got a new friend here.
• 2:00
  I met her last spring, spring of 2025.
• 2:03
  We were both attending and speaking at an event in Southern
• 2:07
  California, a refresh and renew event that my friend Lori Carise
• 2:12
  put on. And it was a great opportunity
• 2:14
  to connect with people. We had a table next to each
• 2:16
  other. And Angela Yacobeles is working
• 2:21
  in an area that she's got a direct connection to.
• 2:24
  She had experience with her own parents, and she learned some
• 2:28
  things the hard way. And she realized this is an area
• 2:32
  that needs more attention. And I can be that person.
• 2:36
  I can be that solution. And I told her before we started
• 2:38
  recording, I love women do that so much.
• 2:42
  We see a need, and rather than continuing to look for a
• 2:45
  solution, we become the solution because it's like, why not me?
• 2:49
  And that's such a wonderful spirit that I see evident in
• 2:52
  women across the board. She describes herself as
• 2:55
  empathetic. She takes things to heart, but
• 2:58
  she's also very analytical and organized.
• 3:00
  She's using all those different parts of her makeup and who she
• 3:04
  is and the nuances of them and bringing them together to create
• 3:08
  this perfect storm of ability to really help people navigate
• 3:16
  aging and health and how to help your parents the best way, your
• 3:20
  grandparents the best way, and not knock yourself out in the
• 3:23
  process of trying to do it. Because we, we talk about this
• 3:27
  all the time. There's, there's a sandwich
• 3:29
  generation going on right now with our age group where we
• 3:32
  still got kids at home or in college.
• 3:35
  And also we're taking care of aging parents and we have our
• 3:38
  own careers and lives that we're navigating.
• 3:41
  Angela, thank you so much for joining me today on the Field
• 3:44
  podcast. Thank you, Melissa.
• 3:46
  Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.
• 3:49
  Absolutely. Thank you for the great
• 3:50
  introduction. Oh, you bet.
• 3:52
  You bet. Yeah, I love it.
• 3:55
  And I just think that what you and Irena and you're going to
• 3:58
  hear from Irena later this season, what you all are doing
• 4:01
  is so important. And how you got there is such an
• 4:04
  important give, such important context to the way you're able
• 4:08
  to deliver what you deliver. Today.
• 4:10
  Thank you. I think there's so much
• 4:11
  authenticity there. All right, but we're going to
• 4:13
  start with prioritizing self-care in your life.
• 4:17
  What does that look like for you across the board, but also when
• 4:20
  you entered into this season where a lot was being asked of
• 4:25
  you with not a great blueprint to work off of?
• 4:29
  Right. So I I guess you, as most women
• 4:34
  do, we tend to go, go, go, go, go, go, go until you hit a wall.
• 4:39
  Yep. And then you have to reassess
• 4:42
  and you know, and I and I think, you know, I do that multiple
• 4:46
  times, you know, you reassess and then you get back into those
• 4:50
  bad habits and then you have to reassess again.
• 4:53
  I mean, just this morning I've been stressed out.
• 4:55
  The last week I was joking around saying I feel like I have
• 4:58
  all the balls. I'm juggling everything.
• 5:00
  It's all up in the air and it feels like it's just all
• 5:02
  crashing down around me. Like everything I'm trying to
• 5:04
  do. I miss this.
• 5:05
  I miss that, you know, and then you have to reassess it.
• 5:09
  So like this morning, even I came home, I go to the I
• 5:11
  prioritize the gym. I joke around that the gym is
• 5:15
  cheaper than my therapist. So, so I have to, I have to keep
• 5:23
  my gym membership because it just, it's a nice release for
• 5:26
  me. And I came back and I was like,
• 5:29
  I'm stressed and I can feel it in my body.
• 5:31
  And I just sat there and I put on a meditation for 10 minutes
• 5:36
  and you know, my dog sitting there trying to lick the sweat
• 5:38
  off my face. And I'm.
• 5:41
  But, you know, it's still, it's one of those things that I
• 5:44
  think, you know, no matter how many times we do it, we're
• 5:46
  always, you know, sometimes you just have to stop in where you
• 5:50
  are. And I had to shower.
• 5:52
  I had to get ready. I had to do work.
• 5:53
  I was coming on today to speak with you.
• 5:55
  And I was like, no, I can take 10 minutes.
• 5:58
  I can take 10 minutes out of my morning and do this for me
• 6:02
  because I'll probably wind up working till 7:00 tonight.
• 6:05
  Yeah. So I can tell I'm.
• 6:08
  I think a lot of it, what women especially.
• 6:11
  And I can speak from that because, you know, that's my
• 6:14
  experience. Yeah.
• 6:15
  We tend to feel like we have to do it all.
• 6:20
  And, you know, so we take that on.
• 6:23
  And I think we have to remember that we don't have to do it all
• 6:27
  right this moment. And we are allowed to give
• 6:30
  ourselves permission to take 10 minutes.
• 6:32
  Yeah. And, and to just sort of
• 6:37
  reassess. And that was one thing I really
• 6:39
  learned when my mom was going through cancer treatment that I,
• 6:43
  you know, you, you start to do everything as that child and
• 6:47
  your parent is going through something and you want, you're
• 6:50
  the caretaker. And you have to learn to just
• 6:53
  stop. Yeah.
• 6:54
  And take 10 minutes. That's just 10 minutes.
• 6:57
  Yes. The world's not going to fall
• 6:59
  apart. Yes, absolutely so true and this
• 7:02
  goes nicely into confidently setting healthy boundaries.
• 7:05
  You knew 10 minutes for me is going to be more than worth it.
• 7:10
  I win the people I interact with when I'm going to have more
• 7:13
  energy because I knew I'm going to have a longer day today.
• 7:16
  This is something I can do for me and I'm going to do it.
• 7:20
  And I'm not going to be because I know how important you could
• 7:23
  feel, you talked about this, you could feel it in your body.
• 7:27
  And we so many times will ignore our bodies will be giving us all
• 7:31
  these hints and all these clues. I need some attention.
• 7:34
  I need some attention. This isn't registering.
• 7:36
  I need a more, you know, And we just keep pushing, pushing, push
• 7:39
  it. And then there's this over flow
• 7:41
  of the wrong kind. And because we didn't you listen
• 7:46
  to the clues, you're like, no, not there yet.
• 7:50
  Need a little more time. And it makes all the difference
• 7:54
  in the world when you're willing to do that.
• 7:57
  Right. And I think it's going to, and I
• 8:00
  know it because I'm better prepared to be there for my
• 8:04
  clients during the day when I'm speaking with them.
• 8:07
  I'm not, I don't feel as cloudy in the brain where I'm like,
• 8:10
  what am I supposed to be doing? Where what's my priority?
• 8:12
  How am I supposed to do this? You know, it just really, you
• 8:17
  know, it allows me to be present and do what I need to do on it.
• 8:22
  Like I said, I'm not perfect. Every day is not, you know,
• 8:25
  rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.
• 8:27
  It's everybody goes through it. But you know, I think just
• 8:31
  taking those few moments when you can and, and prioritizing
• 8:35
  it. Yeah, I think you hit something
• 8:37
  really important, especially with busy women, those few
• 8:40
  moments. We don't, we're not talking
• 8:41
  about setting aside an entire day, half a day, three or four
• 8:44
  hours. We're talking about we have
• 8:46
  those minutes where they already exist and, and and hold on to
• 8:50
  them because those those little things add up and they matter.
• 8:54
  Absolutely, absolutely. And, and you, I think women,
• 8:59
  like I said, we, we just try and do it all and we don't give
• 9:03
  ourselves that permission. And we need, it's not even
• 9:06
  permission. It's just, it's that needs to
• 9:09
  happen. You don't need somebody to tell
• 9:11
  you it's OK. It's just, you need to do this
• 9:15
  and stop. Don't look for, don't apologize
• 9:17
  because you're doing it. Don't you know?
• 9:20
  And I, I, we all do it. I, we get in that habit.
• 9:23
  I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Stop apologizing.
• 9:27
  There's no need to apologize. This is what you need right now.
• 9:29
  And do it, you know, apologize if you did something wrong or if
• 9:32
  you need. You know that right?
• 9:34
  There's a purpose for an apology, but not because of
• 9:37
  something that you need to take 5 minutes for yourself.
• 9:40
  Absolutely. That's not.
• 9:42
  That's that doesn't count. That's not something anyone
• 9:45
  should be expecting you to apologize for.
• 9:47
  And if they do, that's a boundary you can set.
• 9:50
  They just don't get much space in your life.
• 9:51
  If that's. Right.
• 9:53
  How they see it. We're going to come back to that
• 9:55
  apology piece in a minute because I think that's really
• 9:57
  important. But I before we do that, I want
• 9:59
  to talk about, you talked about listening to your body.
• 10:02
  When did you realize when you talk about that connection
• 10:05
  between our mental, emotional, physical health, we're starting
• 10:08
  to understand more and more how connected those things are and
• 10:12
  how they impact each other. When do you think you realized
• 10:16
  the necessity of paying attention to the messages your
• 10:20
  body was tending? You, I would say, you know, I
• 10:28
  remember glimpses of it when my daughter was little, you know,
• 10:31
  she's 18 now. And so I could remember, I
• 10:35
  became a stay at home mom and that lasted about 3 months
• 10:41
  before I started finding projects and things to do.
• 10:46
  And I ended up becoming an instructor for fitness, which is
• 10:49
  kind of I think where my fitness mental health comes in, Sure.
• 10:52
  But I realized then, you know, going to some of those classes,
• 10:56
  becoming an instructor, doing prenatal post Natal care, that
• 11:01
  that's an important part of post Natal care for mom, that as
• 11:06
  moms, you need to find those moments.
• 11:09
  And you know, I would tell my mom's, my clients that, you
• 11:13
  know, if your child's fussing while they're in the stroller
• 11:16
  and we're working out, they'll be OK, right?
• 11:18
  As long as you know, you don't need to tend to them every
• 11:23
  single second. Let me do that.
• 11:25
  I'll go make faces at them. I'll sing them songs.
• 11:28
  You take the 5 minutes you need to do your workout to get in
• 11:33
  another, you know, minute of planking or whatever it might
• 11:36
  be. And I think that's those lessons
• 11:39
  I learned working with prenatal post Natal women set me up.
• 11:45
  And then, you know, like I said, I, you forget about it.
• 11:48
  You get into day-to-day life, but it, it always comes back
• 11:50
  around and you realize that that's, that's really what you
• 11:53
  need. And, you know, at that point I
• 11:55
  was 30. So I've gone through my 20s and
• 11:58
  teenage years and never even thought about my taking time for
• 12:03
  myself or what I might need. And I just, you know, but it
• 12:06
  wasn't until then, I would say. Yeah, yeah.
• 12:08
  That there's nothing like one of those season changes to get your
• 12:12
  attention and all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute, I'm
• 12:15
  feeling something here I haven't felt before.
• 12:17
  And yeah. And choosing to make that
• 12:20
  decision, to attend to it so vital, so important changes the
• 12:23
  way you show up as a parent, as a partner, as a friend, as a
• 12:28
  boss, as a Co worker. It impacts all of it.
• 12:32
  Right. It does.
• 12:34
  And, you know, really being able to be there, you know, for my
• 12:38
  family when they needed it. And, you know, and even I was
• 12:42
  talking recently with some friends and we were talking
• 12:45
  about setting boundaries. And, you know, part of, you
• 12:49
  know, what I know for me personally, I say, OK, yes, I'll
• 12:53
  do that. I, my husband always jokes
• 12:54
  around that I raise my hand for everything.
• 12:56
  And, and I do, I do raise my hand for a lot of things and I
• 13:00
  enjoy it. I enjoy giving back to my
• 13:01
  community. I enjoy, you know, working with
• 13:04
  friends and family or whatever they might need.
• 13:06
  But I've learned to say no and that goes back, you know,
• 13:11
  setting those boundaries of knowing when I need help for,
• 13:14
  you know, mental health for myself to take 10 minutes for
• 13:16
  myself, but then also to say I'm I need to say no.
• 13:20
  And sometimes that just might be.
• 13:22
  I don't want to talk to anybody tonight because I've talked all
• 13:24
  day long, Yes. And and I don't want to people
• 13:29
  anymore. I've peed.
• 13:32
  My husband would resonate so heartily with this.
• 13:35
  This is something that he experiences a lot to in his
• 13:37
  work. He does a lot of listening and a
• 13:39
  lot of talking. But when he gets home, he
• 13:42
  doesn't want to listen or talk. I mean, other than like he'll
• 13:46
  ask about my day or if there's something he wants to share with
• 13:48
  me. But it went.
• 13:49
  But he's that not he doesn't want to people anymore.
• 13:54
  He's a great. Way to put it.
• 13:55
  And that's honoring to you because like you said, you spend
• 13:59
  a lot of, you need to be present with your clients, you need to
• 14:03
  be able to listen and take in information intently.
• 14:08
  And that requires A refilling and a rest and a care so that
• 14:13
  that's possible for you. Yes, and I work a lot of times
• 14:18
  with, you know, families and like older people going through
• 14:22
  retirement or younger families trying to figure out how to
• 14:26
  help, you know, they're they're expressing to me their
• 14:30
  experiences with their parents and they don't want to do that
• 14:33
  to their children. So a lot of it is, you know, not
• 14:38
  that you're a therapist, but you, you do have to listen a lot
• 14:42
  and, and help guide them and let them know that, OK, this is what
• 14:46
  we can do. And I understand what you're
• 14:47
  going through and, you know, so you do you.
• 14:50
  Sometimes there are days where I've peopled and then I go into
• 14:54
  the den at night and put on a movie or, you know, it's, it's
• 14:57
  the holiday season right now when we're recording.
• 14:59
  But I'm like, all right, holiday.
• 15:01
  Movies exactly take me away, right?
• 15:07
  Exactly. Yeah, I love that.
• 15:10
  Thank you so much for that, And let's get back to that, You
• 15:13
  know, supporting yourself and other women and people and
• 15:16
  living unapologetically. You mentioned earlier the
• 15:19
  importance of not apologizing for giving yourself what you
• 15:22
  need or saying no when you know that you don't have the
• 15:26
  bandwidth for it. Quit not abandoning yourself in
• 15:30
  this process, knowing that you're worthy of it and that you
• 15:34
  need it and everybody when you do it.
• 15:36
  When you talked about that time when you were transitioning and
• 15:41
  you stayed in more 3 minutes and then you went into the gym and
• 15:43
  started helping, you know, postpartum women young, your
• 15:46
  mom's that are transitioning and learning to take care of
• 15:49
  themselves. Is that kind of the time that
• 15:52
  you realize I don't need to apologize for this?
• 15:54
  Or do you think it took you longer, shorter.
• 15:57
  When do you realize it was so important to watch your eyes?
• 16:00
  Sorry because I had to do a whole practice on this.
• 16:04
  I said it so much and I think this is so common with the
• 16:06
  women. I didn't even know I was saying
• 16:07
  it like I didn't until somebody pointed it out to me.
• 16:11
  Drove my husband crazy until finally like 6 years ago, my
• 16:16
  therapist like I'm going to ask Brady to be an accountability
• 16:19
  partner with me on this. And I'm like, my therapist wants
• 16:22
  you to help me stop saying I'm sorry so much.
• 16:24
  He's like thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 16:28
  And he with all of his wonderful energy put himself into it.
• 16:32
  It took a year and a half of him stopping me in my tracks when I
• 16:36
  would say, I'm sorry and like no rephrase that I and but it took
• 16:42
  a year and a half of his very, very committed self to it and
• 16:48
  helping me to make that shift. And that's so not uncommon.
• 16:53
  So yeah. So how would you say this
• 16:56
  unfolded for you? I, I think it's been in the last
• 17:01
  six months to a year really, where I, I've, I've found myself
• 17:08
  starting to apologize and saying I'm sorry or, you know, I, you
• 17:12
  know, I can't go to this Sunday night.
• 17:15
  I'm sorry. No, I worked all week long.
• 17:18
  I I it's one I have, I've had events three nights this week
• 17:23
  and and The thing is, and it's not just the stopping saying I'm
• 17:26
  sorry, it's stop explaining why you.
• 17:28
  Can't. Yes.
• 17:29
  Yes. So I think I'm trying to work on
• 17:32
  both at the same time. I don't have to justify my no
• 17:36
  answer. Yes for every every time I need
• 17:39
  to say no to something. Now, sometimes you do need to,
• 17:41
  you know, you might need to give context to that person, but
• 17:45
  you're a lot. We're we can say no period.
• 17:51
  That's like period at the end of the sentence.
• 17:53
  No, Yeah. And walk on.
• 17:56
  And I think that's, that's the empathetic side of me that wants
• 17:59
  to feel and, and, and I want everybody's approval and I want
• 18:02
  to, you know, make sure everybody's happy and, and do
• 18:05
  all those things that we we don't do that enough.
• 18:09
  I have a good friend of mine who's told me she's like, when
• 18:11
  you hit 50, your, your, your mental, your, the way you look
• 18:16
  at things change, she goes and then you hit 60, that really
• 18:19
  changes. Yeah, I bet.
• 18:20
  And I'm almost to 50 and I'm like, I'm seeing that shift.
• 18:23
  And and I think that's unfortunately I didn't see it in
• 18:27
  my 30s and my 40s, my early 40s, but I am seeing it now.
• 18:31
  So I, I would say almost in the last year where I've really
• 18:33
  started to focus in on saying, you know, not saying I'm.
• 18:37
  Sorry. Yeah, I was 50 when it started
• 18:39
  for me. I mean, 56 now.
• 18:42
  I was 50, same thing. I think it's so interesting.
• 18:45
  And my husband was like this, I don't have a problem with this.
• 18:48
  He's like, but you not only are, you know, are saying I'm sorry,
• 18:52
  then you're like over explaining.
• 18:54
  And I think it's this, this tendency that we have as women
• 18:58
  that we think we've got to justify what it is we need to do
• 19:02
  rather than just trusting ourselves.
• 19:05
  Yeah, no, this is right for me. And I'm going to trust myself in
• 19:08
  it. And if someone else has a
• 19:10
  problem with it, then I need to think about the kind of access
• 19:14
  they have to me if they're going to be upset about me.
• 19:18
  And I'm not talking about these last minute things and being
• 19:21
  flaky. I'm talking about those
• 19:22
  day-to-day things that we do to ourselves where we'll
• 19:26
  continually abandoned ourselves for the everyone else is good
• 19:32
  and, and the freedom that comes when you stop doing that to
• 19:36
  yourself. And I have a friend who she has
• 19:39
  a 24 hour rule I've around saying yes to anything.
• 19:44
  And she, she did this for herself in her like mid to late
• 19:48
  hurry. And I was like, oh, so good on
• 19:52
  you. So good on you.
• 19:53
  The whole reason I have these conversations is like, you don't
• 19:56
  have to wait till you're 50 so you can start this sooner.
• 20:00
  Right. We both have, you know, you have
• 20:02
  a daughter. We, we have daughters.
• 20:03
  And so we want that for them. We want them to know that it is
• 20:08
  good and healthy to prioritize yourself and learn to say no and
• 20:12
  do it unapologetically. Absolutely.
• 20:15
  I it warms my heart because sometimes my daughter will look
• 20:19
  at me and go, mom, you don't have to do like she'll school me
• 20:23
  on it. Yeah.
• 20:25
  And I'm like, so maybe some of you know, and I'm hoping some of
• 20:32
  what I've been saying is resonating with her.
• 20:35
  But then I also think a lot of what her generation is
• 20:39
  experiencing on their own and how, you know, the what they've
• 20:44
  been exposed to good and bad has really helped them.
• 20:48
  And, you know, we're coming from this generation where our moms
• 20:53
  were kind of those broke a lot of barriers and really, you
• 20:58
  know, went into the workforce. I know my mom did, you know, and
• 21:02
  you know, and she, she was a homemaker, but she wasn't, she
• 21:05
  still worked and all this stuff. So you know, it it just with
• 21:10
  each generation it gets a little bit better and hopefully you
• 21:15
  know she won't have to. My daughter won't wait till
• 21:16
  she's 50 to start saying no. Yeah, yeah, absolutely agree
• 21:21
  100%. I've seen that with my my
• 21:23
  daughters too, is they're like, no, I I've learned this from
• 21:26
  you, but I also learned that from you.
• 21:27
  And I'm not going to continue that.
• 21:29
  And I'm like, yes, yeah, good. Yeah, that's a good thing.
• 21:32
  All right, we're going to shift to your why in your values.
• 21:35
  You made a shift a few years ago career wise and your why and
• 21:40
  your values are very, very tied into this.
• 21:42
  So once you give our listeners some background on this shift
• 21:46
  you made and the why behind it. Sure.
• 21:49
  So I've made a couple shifts in my life.
• 21:53
  I actually have a degree in biology from Indiana University.
• 21:58
  So I worked in biotech for almost 10 years before I had my
• 22:03
  daughter. And I loved it.
• 22:05
  I loved always playing in the lab and I love working on
• 22:08
  experiments and seeing how things work and taking it apart
• 22:11
  and putting it back together, you know, just I, I really
• 22:14
  enjoyed it. But there were a lot of moments
• 22:16
  where I was like, I should have been in business.
• 22:19
  I had worked in College in HRI, had done other things, you know,
• 22:24
  when I was in college years. And while I enjoyed the science
• 22:29
  and I enjoyed that aspect of it, there was a business side of me
• 22:32
  that was always kind of hanging out.
• 22:34
  And I actually was in charge of finance when I was in college
• 22:39
  and. For the.
• 22:40
  Foreshadow, right. And it was the Panhellenic
• 22:44
  Association, which overseas all the sororities.
• 22:47
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a budget of like $100,000
• 22:50
  and this is in the 90s. And I was laughing because I'm
• 22:53
  like, Indiana University is one of the top five business schools
• 22:57
  in the country. Yes.
• 22:59
  So I'm like, we have business people that could do this.
• 23:02
  Business majors. Yeah.
• 23:03
  And then I was the science girl put in charge of money, Like,
• 23:06
  OK, I'll figure it out. That is funny.
• 23:10
  And but I was always good at it. And, you know, I enjoyed it.
• 23:13
  And then even, you know, years ago when my daughter was little
• 23:16
  and we were doing our own financial planning and setting
• 23:19
  up our insurance, our agent, she saw I had a whole spreadsheet.
• 23:23
  I had everything in there. And you know, I was very
• 23:25
  organized. So that was always money was
• 23:27
  always and finance was there. So I worked in fitness for a few
• 23:32
  years when my daughter was little, like I mentioned, it was
• 23:36
  just more of something it was, it allowed me to work and be
• 23:38
  with her and run a business and it kind of got my feet wet and
• 23:42
  how to run a business and be self-employed and I enjoyed it.
• 23:46
  And then as she grew, you know, she's in school, I'm pushing an
• 23:49
  empty stroller. I passed it on down to the next
• 23:53
  mom who was just coming up. So I was like, this is a good,
• 23:56
  it was a good way to still be active and be with your daughter
• 24:00
  and or your children. And then long story, I got into
• 24:05
  real estate through a friend of ours.
• 24:07
  He knew I was good at paperwork because in biotech you work with
• 24:11
  the FDA and you have to be so. Many.
• 24:14
  Details. There's a lot of dotting.
• 24:16
  The IS crossing the T's and it's important to get it right the
• 24:19
  first time. So I stepped into the real
• 24:22
  estate world and I really enjoyed it.
• 24:24
  I enjoyed, you know, doing the background of it.
• 24:27
  And then the more I got into it as my daughter grew, I got into
• 24:30
  marketing and I got into, you know, doing transactions.
• 24:34
  I got my license and you know, I really enjoyed it and I love it
• 24:38
  was again working with families and helping them buy homes and
• 24:42
  everything. And I I enjoyed that aspect of
• 24:44
  it. And yet there was still
• 24:46
  something bothering me about I wasn't fulfilled.
• 24:50
  And it just felt like, you know, sometimes with real estate, it's
• 24:56
  a lot of not that it's up and down and it is.
• 24:59
  I mean, you do have that and that that's fine, but it just I
• 25:05
  enjoy, like I said, I still enjoy it.
• 25:06
  It's not something I focus on, but it, it, I was missing
• 25:10
  something. And it was right around the time
• 25:12
  my mom got ill. And actually I stepped back from
• 25:16
  that even before that when my dad passed away.
• 25:20
  And that was 12 years ago. And so he got Long story short,
• 25:28
  he passed away very suddenly. It was an aneurysm.
• 25:32
  And, you know, we flew back to Indiana and, you know, just
• 25:37
  rallied with my sister, who's on the East Coast.
• 25:40
  And unfortunately he passed and my mom had no desire to stay
• 25:43
  there and she didn't want family was not in Indiana.
• 25:48
  She actually within a week, she was flying back with me to LA
• 25:53
  and, you know, she was trying to figure out what she was going to
• 25:56
  do. I had a box filled with all of
• 25:58
  his files, and I had to figure it out.
• 26:02
  And, you know, so it was just, I joke around that I'm empathetic.
• 26:09
  And that's the Italian side. That's my mom.
• 26:12
  My dad was German. And that's the spreadsheet side
• 26:14
  of me. And I was very grateful that he
• 26:17
  had was very organized. Yeah.
• 26:19
  But one of the things we found out through all of this was that
• 26:25
  he set up term policies for him and my mom, which were great.
• 26:30
  It was a policy, but it wasn't enough.
• 26:33
  Yeah. Because they hadn't planned.
• 26:36
  Nobody plans to die young. Exactly.
• 26:39
  And he was in his early 60s. She was.
• 26:42
  They were both still working. He had made a few financial
• 26:46
  missteps in his 50s, and he thought he had time to make up
• 26:51
  for it. And unfortunately, he didn't.
• 26:55
  And so, you know, we had my mom and you know, now she's looking
• 27:00
  at continuing. Do I have to work longer?
• 27:03
  And you know, you're selling a house because she doesn't want
• 27:06
  anything to do with it. And it's a down time in the
• 27:09
  market to sell this house. So that's the real estate brain
• 27:12
  and me going well, can we rent it out?
• 27:14
  Can we do this? Can we do that?
• 27:15
  Because it's not a good time. It's winter.
• 27:17
  We were going into winter too, which in in the Midwest.
• 27:21
  If not, you don't. No one's looking at houses in
• 27:24
  the winter, no one's going outside if they don't have to.
• 27:29
  Right. It was snowing and it's all this
• 27:31
  stuff. And I was like, OK, what can we
• 27:33
  do? And she just wanted it done.
• 27:35
  We had to move on from it. And so we sold the house and you
• 27:40
  know that there was money there, but not what it could have been
• 27:44
  had she waited a few years. And, you know, so it was kind of
• 27:49
  like all in there. You know, the real estate side
• 27:51
  of me helped her at that time. But then as her, you know, the
• 27:57
  years went on after my dad passing, we started looking at
• 28:01
  her financials and she was looking to retire.
• 28:05
  And as you know, we had learned, when your spouse passes, you
• 28:10
  only get one Social Security. You don't get both.
• 28:13
  Yeah. And so she was very disappointed
• 28:19
  in that. And I had never looked that far
• 28:22
  into anything with Social Security.
• 28:25
  And she's like, I worked all those years and then she had,
• 28:28
  she's claiming his because his was higher.
• 28:31
  And you know, they would have been fine had she stayed in
• 28:35
  Indiana, had both Social Securities, everything would
• 28:39
  have been OK. But that's not what happened.
• 28:43
  Yeah. And, you know, Fast forward a
• 28:47
  few years, she was going through her treatments for cancer.
• 28:51
  And, you know, now we're looking at it.
• 28:54
  And this was right around the time when I started looking at
• 28:58
  what else can I be doing? Sure.
• 29:00
  And I was reviewing some of my policies because as we're seeing
• 29:04
  her financial situation unfold, it was like we need to take a
• 29:10
  look at what what's going on for us and make sure we had done it
• 29:14
  10 years prior. My daughter was 2 when we did
• 29:17
  it. And now we're like, OK, we need
• 29:18
  to start looking at this again. And, you know, reaching out to
• 29:22
  our agent, speaking with her. And she had tried to get me to
• 29:27
  become an agent years ago. And she did our policies.
• 29:31
  She did our policies and she's like, did you you'd be really
• 29:35
  good at this and you should look into it and I didn't I was like,
• 29:39
  I don't have time. I have a 2 year old.
• 29:41
  I, it wasn't the right time sharp, but at at this point my
• 29:45
  daughter was older. I, I had been in business for
• 29:48
  myself. So I understood what that took.
• 29:51
  Yeah, in order. You know, real estate has its
• 29:54
  ups and downs. It's sales.
• 29:56
  It's, it's, you know, there's, there's nobody handing you a
• 29:59
  paycheck every two weeks. No.
• 30:01
  So I understood what that took, you know, how that, what that
• 30:04
  would look like. And I decided to add the
• 30:06
  insurance side to my business because I wanted to be able to
• 30:11
  help people to avoid situations that my mother was now in.
• 30:17
  And then people that are, you know, I've been able to help
• 30:20
  her, you know, we, we can't, she had a term policy.
• 30:25
  I can't do anything about that to renew it.
• 30:28
  It's going to expire. And it, it just, it is what it
• 30:33
  is at this point, unfortunately. So, you know, it's one of those
• 30:37
  lessons I try and impart on my clients.
• 30:41
  You know, I might, God bless. My mom is healthy.
• 30:43
  She's made it through all of her treatments.
• 30:45
  She has a very good, you know, cancer free for several years
• 30:48
  now, but that's on her medical record.
• 30:51
  Sure. And so, you know, if that's part
• 30:55
  of what became my mission is to make sure that people don't end
• 30:59
  up in that situation. And you know, and then as things
• 31:04
  went on and we so now it when it comes to retirement, because,
• 31:07
  you know, we can't predict. And sometimes you are in that
• 31:10
  situation, sometimes you did have cancer.
• 31:12
  There's nothing I can do to help you on a life insurance side.
• 31:15
  But how can I shift money around?
• 31:18
  So that's where it's that creative side.
• 31:20
  It's taking apart a problem, you know, so it all comes back
• 31:24
  around. All those things that I learned,
• 31:26
  it does come back around. So it's.
• 31:27
  How do I take apart that problem and find another solution?
• 31:31
  Yeah. And your.
• 31:33
  Your, your ability to do that with the empathy involved, like
• 31:38
  you're, I mean, I think that is such a what makes what you do
• 31:42
  and how you do it so unique is because of these nuanced part of
• 31:47
  you that comes together. You see them as people.
• 31:50
  You've been through this thing and you've also got the
• 31:53
  analytical and organizational skills to get the data and make
• 31:57
  it like This is why we need to do this.
• 32:00
  This is why this is important. This is how this is going to
• 32:03
  work. Because many times you're
• 32:05
  getting people where they're very stressed, they're very
• 32:08
  concerned. And, and the hope is, I think
• 32:12
  with having these conversations is you can get people before
• 32:16
  they get there. Like, let's make a plan now so
• 32:21
  that I'm not hitting needing you for the first time in the most
• 32:24
  stressed season of your life. Absolutely.
• 32:29
  I mean, I, I just met with a client yesterday Arena and I did
• 32:33
  my partner and she's 31 years old getting married next year.
• 32:40
  Very excited, you know, and she's like, I feel like I'm
• 32:43
  behind. We're like, you're 31.
• 32:45
  You're good, absolutely. We wish we could get more of
• 32:49
  your age group in here. I know that's what you were
• 32:51
  saying. Really.
• 32:52
  It's when you come to me, it's 61 that I I, I can work magic,
• 33:00
  but I can't work magic. You know, I can do a lot of
• 33:03
  creative things, but I can't magically make $50.00 a month
• 33:08
  turn into $1,000,000. Yeah, in 10 years.
• 33:11
  I just can't there, you know, at that point, it's not going to
• 33:14
  happen. Blotto might be your own option,
• 33:18
  but you know it. It's one of those things, the
• 33:21
  younger you start, the better off and the more options you
• 33:23
  have and the less it's going to hit your pocketbook.
• 33:27
  Yeah. And, you know, so it's just one
• 33:29
  of those things. But then again, you know what we
• 33:31
  help clients in their 60s and it's, you know, we had a client
• 33:35
  that, you know, we're looking at really, that's everything comes
• 33:39
  back for me. I look at all the things I've
• 33:41
  been through that and most women I, I see, you know, I'm not the
• 33:45
  first woman to change careers multiple times or have different
• 33:49
  parts of your life, but all those life experiences lead up
• 33:52
  to where you are and they're going to help you.
• 33:54
  And we had a client that had real estate And so we were
• 33:58
  looking at first thing. I was like, you need an estate,
• 34:02
  you need, you need a trust, you need all these things.
• 34:05
  And this might be a way to leverage for your retirement to
• 34:09
  do the things. So we get creative when we need
• 34:12
  to because that's, it's as much as it's numbers and it's, you
• 34:17
  know, spreadsheets, you have to be creative too.
• 34:21
  Yeah, and it's people's lives and, and, and their families
• 34:25
  lives too. And I think that's where again,
• 34:26
  that gift of you having both of the empathy and the analytical
• 34:31
  really come together to give all of the the recipe of all that
• 34:35
  you offer so important and so complete.
• 34:39
  Talk to me about living out of your own expectations versus
• 34:42
  others and also the people that you help with that expectations.
• 34:48
  There's a lot of things out there that we are told at a
• 34:52
  certain this is the way this is going to be.
• 34:53
  So you should do this, this and this.
• 34:56
  And sometimes we don't stop and ask ourselves, is that really
• 34:59
  true for me? Do I actually believe that?
• 35:02
  And is that is that, does that fit my story and where I want to
• 35:06
  see myself go? And I think so many times as
• 35:08
  women, it's like, no, no, no, we're going to shift the
• 35:11
  narrative here and ask myself, what are my expectations?
• 35:14
  What are my hopes? What do I think is possible?
• 35:17
  And have I communicated that? I think that's also important
• 35:20
  when you're helping people with this kind of planning or what
• 35:24
  are your expectations? What are your, what are your
• 35:26
  hopes here? And then the importance of
• 35:28
  communicating that to your family members as well.
• 35:32
  So talk to me about that expectations journey.
• 35:36
  So, you know, I think from a personal standpoint, some of the
• 35:42
  expectations that have happened. I go back, you were talking and
• 35:49
  asking the question and I, I, the thing popped in my head and
• 35:52
  when I was getting ready to turn 40, I was like, I want a big
• 35:58
  Louis Vuitton purse. That's what I want.
• 36:02
  It's what I wanted from my 40th and that's it.
• 36:05
  And, you know, I think around that time our, you know, the
• 36:11
  businesses weren't, you know, as lucrative as they could have
• 36:13
  been or, you know, we had our expenses coming up, whatever it
• 36:17
  was Then I just and I was working and I'm like, this isn't
• 36:21
  what I want. I would rather have.
• 36:25
  We ended up going on a trip to Paso.
• 36:29
  Paso Rd. was with a bunch of couples.
• 36:32
  There were like 5 or 6 couples that we all went to Paso and
• 36:36
  went wine tasting. Spent the weekend and did all
• 36:39
  these things and just had experiences.
• 36:42
  And I think that that I see it more and more from the people we
• 36:48
  talked to. They're not looking to have the
• 36:51
  material things so much as they want to be able to retire and
• 36:56
  travel and do and experience life.
• 36:59
  You. Know, and I think a part of that
• 37:02
  also came I, we had a our house when we were selling it, I had
• 37:07
  all my jewelry stolen. Oh my good jewelry.
• 37:11
  This is years and years ago. So I had all my good jewelry
• 37:13
  stolen and I went, well, that's it.
• 37:17
  I had a few things that I was wearing and, and ever since then
• 37:21
  I've kind of lost that material side of wanting the things I'd
• 37:27
  rather have the experience. I like the things.
• 37:29
  I like shirms, I like jewelry, I like purses, but it's not my
• 37:33
  priority anymore. And that's one of the things we
• 37:37
  do in workshops that we talk to clients about.
• 37:40
  And, you know, it's, you know, we've done meditations at
• 37:45
  workshops with women. close your eyes.
• 37:47
  Like, where do you imagine yourself?
• 37:49
  Where, how do you see, you know, what does, you know, getting
• 37:53
  into your 60s and 70s and 80s, what does that look like?
• 37:57
  You could be in your 30s, but what does your sixties, 70s and
• 38:00
  80s, what do they look like? What do you want them to look
• 38:02
  like? Yeah, everybody's different.
• 38:06
  So it's understanding what that is.
• 38:08
  And then how do we get you there?
• 38:10
  Yeah. And for some people it is, I
• 38:13
  want the cars and I want the houses and I want, you know, the
• 38:17
  boats and the jet skis and all that stuff.
• 38:20
  And that's great, you know, but that's not everybody's
• 38:23
  expectation. So I think it's it's, you know,
• 38:26
  knowing that what you want can change.
• 38:31
  Yeah. Is really important allowing
• 38:34
  yourself to change what you want.
• 38:37
  You know, I remember having to tell my husband about six months
• 38:39
  before I was turning 40. I'm like, I don't want a purse.
• 38:43
  Change my to go away. Change my mind before you go do
• 38:46
  this. I was like, yeah, you know, I
• 38:48
  don't want that. I want us to go away.
• 38:51
  I want to go wine tasting. I want to be with my friends.
• 38:55
  And you know, so give yourself that permission, I think is
• 38:57
  really important. Yeah.
• 38:59
  You gave yourself permission, but you did something so
• 39:01
  important sometimes we forget to do because we think people are
• 39:04
  mind readers. You communicated it So when it
• 39:08
  got, I talked to so many times to women that they're like, they
• 39:12
  want these things. I'm like, did you ever tell
• 39:16
  anyone or did you just hope that they could match?
• 39:19
  And I think so many times you're like, well, if they see they
• 39:22
  read my body language, you're hearing my tone of voice.
• 39:25
  I'm like, no, that doesn't work. You've got to communicate that.
• 39:29
  So it sounds simple that because you did change your mind and so
• 39:36
  to make the assumption, oh, he knows I won't want to do this,
• 39:39
  this has changed in our businesses.
• 39:42
  This has changed in the season. So he'll just no, no, no, he
• 39:45
  would not. So I don't think we can lose
• 39:50
  sight of the importance of communicating when those
• 39:53
  expectations do shift. Yes, yes, it's and it's like I
• 39:58
  said, you know, there are moments where I'm like, why
• 40:00
  didn't he understand what I meant?
• 40:03
  Yeah, and it and you know. Why do I have to stomp around
• 40:07
  the house to get him to empty the dishwasher?
• 40:12
  Right. Well, I didn't ask him to empty
• 40:14
  the dishwasher. Exactly.
• 40:17
  So, you know, it goes from the little things and the big
• 40:20
  things. Absolutely 100.
• 40:22
  Percent, you know, and that's one thing we talk with our
• 40:25
  clients about too, is that I can be there and I can help you set
• 40:29
  up a plan. I can work with your financial
• 40:31
  advisor, your CPA, your, this, everybody.
• 40:33
  We can all put a plan together and then the year from now you
• 40:37
  change your mind and you want to do something different.
• 40:40
  But you didn't tell any of us. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't work that
• 40:45
  way. It doesn't work that way.
• 40:47
  I can't. You know, we do reviews, we do
• 40:49
  annual reviews with our clients. We try and stay on top of
• 40:52
  things, but life happens. It gets rescheduled, it gets it.
• 40:56
  That appointment gets missed. Whatever might happen, it's
• 40:58
  like, but you have to communicate, you know, your
• 41:02
  finances to people. I mean, even now I look back at
• 41:05
  my mom's situation and there are things I've learned now that I
• 41:08
  wish, oh, I wish we had talked to somebody at this point.
• 41:12
  Or I wish, you know, you know, I wish somebody had advised us a
• 41:15
  little bit differently. Yeah.
• 41:18
  And, you know, so that's something I take to my next
• 41:21
  client. Yeah, absolutely.
• 41:22
  And so communication, I think whether it's in a marriage,
• 41:25
  whether it's with your children, whether whatever it might be, is
• 41:29
  huge. Yeah, yeah.
• 41:31
  Clear is kind. Clear is kind.
• 41:33
  Yeah, I like that. I like that.
• 41:35
  Saves a lot of trouble down the road.
• 41:37
  All right in, in, in embracing your layers process.
• 41:41
  The layers journey to me is such an important part of this
• 41:43
  because we all go through seasons.
• 41:45
  There's many layers to us. You've done a really good, great
• 41:48
  job of recognizing the layers that you're made of and bringing
• 41:51
  them all together in this season of your life as as you serve and
• 41:54
  show up for people. But also we also have those
• 41:57
  parts and pieces of our story that we don't love, we wish
• 42:00
  hadn't happened, happened. And I and I've learned as I'm
• 42:03
  talking with women, working with women, you've got to get to a
• 42:05
  point where you can really acknowledge and own all the
• 42:09
  pieces and parts of your story and not feel like you got to
• 42:12
  have shame or embarrassment around what you thought you
• 42:14
  should have known or what you wish you would have done.
• 42:17
  So talk to me about your layers journey and the ability to to
• 42:20
  embrace from and learn from and have a kind of an empathy for
• 42:25
  yourself in this process. You know, it's, I think part of
• 42:32
  that I wish I would have or I wish I could have, comes from us
• 42:38
  wanting to be everything for everybody.
• 42:41
  Yeah. And you know, so I, you know,
• 42:45
  even to the point of yesterday, I had missed a few things.
• 42:49
  I'm on the board of a foundation and we both missed it.
• 42:53
  The president of the foundation, myself, we both missed speaking
• 42:57
  with somebody. And she probably thought I did
• 43:00
  it. I thought she did it.
• 43:01
  And guess what? It didn't happen.
• 43:04
  Yeah. And I spent most of last night
• 43:06
  being torn apart inside, going why didn't I?
• 43:10
  I, if I just would have spoken up.
• 43:12
  But we had another event that we were planning.
• 43:14
  And, you know, there's excuses. And it's OK to understand why
• 43:19
  something happened. Yeah.
• 43:22
  You know, but to realize, you know, what can I do so that it
• 43:25
  doesn't happen again and you know, to be able to move
• 43:30
  forward, but and is there something I could do to fix it
• 43:34
  now? Right.
• 43:35
  So I think you have to highlight you mentioned something about a
• 43:39
  24 hour rule to say, yes, 24 hour rules are really good.
• 43:44
  If something doesn't go my way or something bad, give myself 24
• 43:48
  hours to really absorb it, See what happened, you know?
• 43:53
  And it's hard because we don't want to admit that maybe I made
• 43:56
  I made a mistake. Yeah.
• 43:59
  You know, I'm a perfectionist. I love.
• 44:01
  I don't want to admit that I made that mistake.
• 44:04
  So I know I could have handled that differently.
• 44:07
  You know, that there are relationships with my sister
• 44:11
  that I know I, you know, when my dad passed away, it was a very
• 44:15
  stressful time. And, you know, there are moments
• 44:19
  that, you know, as the years went on, I know I could have
• 44:22
  handled that differently. And, you know, we could have
• 44:27
  communicated better. It's hard when there's 3000
• 44:30
  miles. Yeah.
• 44:33
  Yeah. You know, everybody's living
• 44:35
  apart from each other. So, you know, there are moments
• 44:38
  I think you look back and you go, but I think a lot of it too
• 44:42
  is you have to forgive yourself. Yeah, unless you did it
• 44:45
  purposely. Right.
• 44:49
  Unless you went out in life and purposely did something to cause
• 44:54
  a bad situation to in, you know, to do something that was going
• 44:59
  to affect somebody else and he purposely did it.
• 45:01
  Other than that, you know, my mom always said it when she was
• 45:04
  going through losing my dad. She goes, I'm doing the best I
• 45:07
  can right now and that's all I can ask for is just doing the
• 45:12
  best I can in the situation I'm in at this moment and sometimes
• 45:17
  you hit the mark. Yeah.
• 45:20
  And sometimes you don't. And some present like that, I
• 45:23
  think is so important too, that presence that you choose within
• 45:27
  that. Yeah, So I mean, I think, you
• 45:30
  know, like I said, I've I've had experiences, you know, I've, you
• 45:34
  know, when it comes to fight that's personally, I mean
• 45:36
  finances, I mean, we've all you know, I've bought something that
• 45:41
  I'm like, oh, I got taken on that one saying about that.
• 45:47
  And and it's tough for business, you know, business mistakes that
• 45:54
  I've made. Yeah.
• 45:55
  Things that I've, you know, Oh yeah, I'll sign up for that.
• 45:58
  That sounds like a good deal and, and things and I've learned
• 46:03
  maybe I should give myself 24 hours to say yes to something to
• 46:08
  really absorb it and look into it.
• 46:10
  And sometimes you can correct it.
• 46:12
  You can, you know, cancel that membership or you know, there's
• 46:17
  sometimes a three day cooling off period on different things
• 46:20
  that you can advocate for. You know, if there isn't and
• 46:24
  you're in business or you buy something, argue for it, you
• 46:28
  know, there's no harm in asking. Yeah.
• 46:32
  You know, just, you know, maybe even half if you financially
• 46:37
  made a wrong decision As for half back, whatever it might be.
• 46:41
  But, you know, find those ways to just say, you know, I did the
• 46:45
  best I can and forgive yourself and.
• 46:47
  Move forward. Yeah, very good.
• 46:49
  Thank you so much and learn from it.
• 46:52
  Yeah, absolutely. And goes really into this last
• 46:56
  piece here of I call this feel finding empowerment, embracing
• 47:00
  layers. You have really lived your life
• 47:02
  in a way that is allowing you to do that in the process.
• 47:05
  You see life as a journey. You know you're going to
• 47:07
  continue to learn and evolve and grow.
• 47:10
  And, and how that impacts not only the decisions you make with
• 47:14
  your for yourself and how you feel about yourself, but also
• 47:17
  impacts your relationships and how you interact with others.
• 47:21
  So talk to me about your experience with that as you
• 47:24
  continue to grow and learn about yourself.
• 47:28
  So on the business side of things, when I work with clients
• 47:31
  or vendors that I work with or anything else, you know, I will
• 47:36
  have patience. I've learned you catch more
• 47:41
  flies with honey than you do with vinegar, or bees with honey
• 47:44
  than you do with whatever the saying.
• 47:45
  Is yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean.
• 47:48
  So, so when I'm talking with people and talking with, you
• 47:52
  know, carriers or thing, I'm trying to get something
• 47:54
  processed, try and be very nice, keep your calm.
• 47:57
  Don't over, you know, don't, don't lose my head because
• 48:04
  again, the Italian side, we can lose our head on things.
• 48:09
  But then when it's time to put, to put your foot down and be
• 48:13
  strong, then then you have to do it and don't be a pushover.
• 48:18
  Yeah. So there's a fine line between
• 48:20
  being, you know, giving people grace and then also not being a
• 48:26
  pushover. And don't be afraid to ask for
• 48:28
  their supervisor, you know, because sometimes you do need to
• 48:32
  ask for the supervisor and you do need to take it to that next
• 48:35
  level and do it with grace. Say, you know what, I know it's
• 48:38
  not your fault. You're doing your job, but I
• 48:41
  need to get better answers from my client.
• 48:44
  I'm advocating for my client, not for your company.
• 48:48
  So, you know, there are things like that that I've learned.
• 48:51
  I think as we grow and experience life again, my
• 48:56
  daughter will hear me sometimes on the phone and she'll I'll
• 48:59
  hang up and she'll look at me like you, you put your foot down
• 49:05
  on that one. He's like, she's like, I'm glad
• 49:06
  I wasn't on the other line end of that one.
• 49:09
  But you know, and then personally, same thing.
• 49:13
  It's like you can understand that maybe somebody is, you
• 49:17
  know, going through a bad time, having a bad day or just what
• 49:23
  they did or how they acted wasn't necessarily meant to make
• 49:27
  you angry or hurt your feelings. Yeah.
• 49:30
  You know, you have to put yourself in other people's shoes
• 49:33
  sometimes. But at the same time, don't be a
• 49:34
  doormat, right? If something is not right, then
• 49:39
  speak up for yourself. Yeah.
• 49:42
  And do it. You don't have to be mean.
• 49:43
  You don't have to be angry. You can be firm.
• 49:46
  And I think that's, you know, a lesson it goes back to with age,
• 49:51
  I think we learn those things and the experiences that we have
• 49:55
  and you know, part of that layering that you talked about
• 49:59
  of being in different industries, being in, you know,
• 50:03
  a lot of male dominated industries.
• 50:05
  Yes. You know, so that's a whole
• 50:07
  other, you know, realm of how to manage being in, you know, a
• 50:14
  working environment where it's corporate America versus
• 50:18
  self-employed versus, you know, whatever I'm in.
• 50:23
  I'm in an insurance industry that is very male dominated and
• 50:27
  hasn't changed very much. We're working on it.
• 50:30
  We're trying to get more women into the field, but, you know,
• 50:33
  into financial, anything in finance, we're trying to get
• 50:36
  more women. But I think all those things,
• 50:39
  all those experiences help me to recognize things, to see, you
• 50:45
  know, OK, be nice and push back when it's necessary.
• 50:50
  And then hopefully my daughter will hear that and listen at
• 50:53
  some point and learn from it. Yeah, I you said something so
• 50:58
  important. I think it is.
• 50:59
  It's like you give people opportunities, you know, they
• 51:02
  have bad days and also there's a line in the sand like all right,
• 51:06
  this is the third time this has happened.
• 51:08
  It is time to have a conversation.
• 51:10
  It is time to clearly communicate what is a non
• 51:15
  negotiable for me in this situation anymore knowing that
• 51:18
  line. And I think to you going back to
• 51:22
  being in a male dominated field where you're going back to
• 51:26
  unapologetic piece, you're not apologizing for showing up in
• 51:29
  the room, you're not apologizing for taking up space, requiring,
• 51:33
  requesting, demanding certain things.
• 51:36
  And also too, I think when you work with women and this is such
• 51:41
  a financial thing, I think we're starting to see a shift in this
• 51:45
  where with our parents and our grandparents generations, the
• 51:48
  men knew, did the finances and the women really didn't know.
• 51:51
  And then when they were gone, and I think you ran into this,
• 51:54
  probably some with your mom, they had no idea.
• 51:57
  Oh yeah. What to do?
• 51:59
  And so also your, your ability as a woman to convey to another
• 52:04
  woman what's possible, that you can learn this, you can
• 52:07
  understand this. It's really empowering as well.
• 52:11
  Well, we talked about it because right now with the baby boomer
• 52:14
  generation, it's the great wealth transfer.
• 52:18
  And I think it's something like $30 trillion is going to be
• 52:21
  transferring to women because women outlive men.
• 52:26
  Yeah. And you know, I've noticed it
• 52:28
  with, you know, in my mom and, you know, my mother-in-law.
• 52:33
  They're generations now. Most of the women, they handle
• 52:36
  the day-to-day. They pay the gas bill, the
• 52:39
  electric bill, the they, they handle the checkbook.
• 52:42
  But the larger financial decisions have usually been made
• 52:45
  by the husband and a lot of financial advisors and insurance
• 52:50
  professionals and everything else are men.
• 52:52
  And they look at the man. They don't always look at the
• 52:56
  woman. And then the man passes away and
• 53:00
  the woman's going, I don't know who you are.
• 53:02
  Yeah. So that's where we're talking to
• 53:04
  women. We're like, this is an
• 53:05
  opportunity as women. And not to say that men can't
• 53:09
  do. Everybody does it.
• 53:10
  Sure. It's just a different
• 53:12
  perspective. And other women might.
• 53:15
  They're going to be looking for women or a different.
• 53:18
  They're going to change advisors.
• 53:20
  So why not be that female voice that could be there for that
• 53:24
  woman and that generation to understand and to be able to
• 53:29
  speak with them and know what they're going through and
• 53:32
  empathize with them? So, yeah, it's a great
• 53:35
  opportunity for women at this point to get into the field.
• 53:38
  But you know, really realize that, you know, for all the men
• 53:42
  singing that, look at the woman, she's going to be the one
• 53:46
  controlling that purse string. She's not just the buying power,
• 53:50
  she's the the investment power. Yeah.
• 53:53
  And bring them both into the conversation and make sure they
• 53:56
  both understand what's happening here.
• 53:58
  Yeah, I mean, in my family, my husband jokes around.
• 54:01
  He's like, please don't ever leave me.
• 54:03
  He goes. I have no idea where anything
• 54:05
  is. And I'm like, let's sit down,
• 54:13
  let's talk about it. Let me tell you what's going on.
• 54:16
  And he's like, OK, I go. I have a, you know, it's
• 54:18
  organized there. There's a method to the madness.
• 54:22
  I go, you know, my password to get into my phone and my
• 54:24
  computer. As long as you know those
• 54:26
  things. You can.
• 54:27
  You can find everything. Yeah.
• 54:31
  I yeah, I love that. He's like wait, please, please
• 54:35
  clear notes. Oh my gosh.
• 54:41
  But you mentioned something, yeah, it is fun and it's a great
• 54:45
  opportunity I think at at this time.
• 54:47
  And also, and you seen it that way, but also you mentioned
• 54:49
  something earlier too about the trustworthiness is so important
• 54:53
  in what you do and what you're talking to people.
• 54:55
  And we're in that season where women are going to, they are
• 54:58
  going to trust other women because that's who they connect
• 55:02
  with, that's who they believe will understand their
• 55:04
  experience. And I think that's a key
• 55:07
  component too. And so so if you're a man in the
• 55:09
  industry, make a point to understand all the experiences
• 55:14
  that are involved here and don't make assumptions.
• 55:17
  It goes back to that expectations thing.
• 55:19
  Don't assume anything. And even if it has been that
• 55:23
  way, invite a different way of looking at it so everyone feels
• 55:27
  empowered and and not fearful about what could happen, right?
• 55:34
  That's the thing we see a lot is a lot, whether it's retirement
• 55:38
  planning, college planning, whatever it might be when it
• 55:42
  comes to finances, everybody does this.
• 55:44
  Yeah. Well, if I don't look at it then
• 55:47
  it's all OK. Yeah.
• 55:50
  And, and you know, and we, it's like we do a lot of retirement
• 55:54
  workshops and we talk about, you know, fitness world and health
• 55:59
  world. It's the standard American diet,
• 56:02
  which they call it the sad diet. It's sad.
• 56:06
  It hasn't done a lot for us as a country when it comes to our
• 56:11
  health because it's it's processed food and on and on.
• 56:14
  I can go on for that. But the standard American
• 56:17
  retirement has been the four O 1K.
• 56:20
  Yeah. And it was offered to give
• 56:25
  people a chance, you know, an opportunity to control some of
• 56:29
  their funding and their retirement funds.
• 56:32
  But what happened at the same time is that the pensions all
• 56:34
  went away. Yeah.
• 56:37
  So everybody's going well, I contributed to my 401K and it
• 56:40
  just does its thing and nobody looks at it.
• 56:42
  They're all doing this. If I don't see it, it'll it'll
• 56:45
  all be OK. And it it's not, it's not always
• 56:50
  OK. And sometimes you have to take
• 56:52
  off the blindfolds. You have to look at a budget.
• 56:54
  You have to see what's going on and, and just deal with reality
• 56:59
  on reality's terms. And that's OK.
• 57:02
  Like there's no right. Again, it goes back to there's
• 57:05
  no right or wrong. It's just knowledge is going to
• 57:08
  help you. No, it's just power.
• 57:10
  It just, it is. It informs and helps you to make
• 57:13
  the decisions. And because I think you said
• 57:16
  something so important about the 401 Ki, think so many people
• 57:19
  thought about the 401K as equivalent to a pension.
• 57:21
  It's not. They're not the same thing.
• 57:24
  The 401K is in the market. I mean, there's a whole other
• 57:27
  different predictability or lack thereof that goes with that.
• 57:32
  Right. I mean, there's a pension is
• 57:34
  guaranteed income. Yeah.
• 57:37
  You know exactly how much money you're going to get for the rest
• 57:39
  of your life. Social Security is a pension.
• 57:42
  It's guaranteed income for. Well, we hope, right?
• 57:46
  It's guaranteed income for the rest of your life. 4-O1K It's
• 57:52
  there, but ask people that were retiring in 2007 when the market
• 57:57
  crashed. Oh yeah, they lost half of their
• 58:00
  retirement. Oh yeah.
• 58:02
  And, you know, so it's one of those things that, you know, I
• 58:07
  could speak for hours on it, but it's that's where talking to
• 58:11
  your advisors, getting a well-rounded approach and, and
• 58:16
  really taking those blinders off and saying, OK, what does this
• 58:19
  look like? What do I want my life to look
• 58:22
  like? How do I approach this?
• 58:24
  It all goes together and it's not something you know, it's,
• 58:29
  you know, you talk about layering again and it's all
• 58:31
  layering. It's layering at your financial
• 58:33
  decisions. It's layering your life
• 58:36
  decisions and, and all it's, it's different stages of your
• 58:39
  life. So it all it all comes in full
• 58:41
  circle. Yeah, it really does.
• 58:44
  Thank you so much for all that. That was so good.
• 58:45
  That was so helpful for people. I think it's one of those things
• 58:49
  we need to talk about more. We need to anything, anytime
• 58:52
  fear is getting in the way of you doing something, that's an
• 58:55
  indicator you need to be doing something, you know, because
• 58:59
  these things are going to happen, and no amount of us
• 59:02
  putting blinders on or having fear around them is going to
• 59:05
  change that. Life is going to continue to
• 59:08
  happen and certain circumstances are gonna come up and why and
• 59:12
  why not face it head on and be prepared and know what's have a
• 59:16
  plan, know what's happening. Not try to minimize the
• 59:19
  surprises because there's going to be surprises, but try to
• 59:22
  minimize the surprises so that they're, they're manageable
• 59:26
  because you have been forward thinking in this process.
• 59:30
  Yeah, I mean, it's funny, I was working out yesterday going back
• 59:34
  to my fitness that I used to wear push ups.
• 59:41
  I can't stay on push ups. I I'm not a fan of push ups.
• 59:44
  I've never been a fan of push ups.
• 59:46
  Most women I know are not fans of push ups.
• 59:48
  And I'm sitting there working out next to this woman and she's
• 59:52
  like, I hate push ups. And I go, I know it's why we
• 59:54
  need to do them. It's just, it's just the, it's
• 59:58
  why we got to, you just got to keep doing it.
• 1:00:01
  So it's why you got to, you know, take those things head on,
• 1:00:04
  the things that are uncomfortable, the things that
• 1:00:07
  you know. Those are the hard things to do,
• 1:00:09
  but those are the things you need to be doing.
• 1:00:11
  The easy things are easy. They're easy exactly they're.
• 1:00:14
  They're fun, right? That.
• 1:00:17
  But yeah, don't assume that just because that's hard or fearful,
• 1:00:21
  that's not a clue to step away. That's a clue to step into.
• 1:00:26
  That's a great way of putting it.
• 1:00:27
  I love it. I love that.
• 1:00:29
  All right, Angela, we're winding down here.
• 1:00:32
  Share with me 5 activities that nourish you.
• 1:00:37
  OK, five activities. So I would say the first I'll go
• 1:00:41
  throughout my day kind of I walking my dog in the morning
• 1:00:44
  and doing my gratitudes. So it's usually at sunrise and
• 1:00:49
  just being able to be out there kind of it's a grounding moment
• 1:00:54
  bit seeing that nature and walking around and being
• 1:00:58
  outdoors. Another thing is working out
• 1:01:02
  that's, you know, would be the one of the second thing.
• 1:01:06
  Second thing I would say third is cooking.
• 1:01:11
  I love to cook. I love it's it's I it's my love
• 1:01:15
  language to my family. I love finding recipes.
• 1:01:19
  I love being able to provide a a healthy meal for my family and
• 1:01:25
  something that they enjoy. Another thing is when, so that's
• 1:01:32
  three. So four I would say is when I
• 1:01:34
  can hand a client the approvals. So you know that I'm able to
• 1:01:41
  take them from beginning to end of looking at what they're
• 1:01:45
  doing, putting together a plan, implementing that plan and being
• 1:01:49
  able to say, you did it, it's done, see you in a year, you
• 1:01:54
  know, because then I know that they're in a good position and
• 1:01:57
  that that helps me to know that if God forbid, something does
• 1:02:01
  happen, they're prepared that they have what they need in
• 1:02:05
  place. And just on a fun note, another
• 1:02:08
  thing is a really good martini and a steak on a Friday night,
• 1:02:13
  just a, just a brown one a week just to sit back, have a nice
• 1:02:19
  gin martini and a steak. And I'm a very happy person.
• 1:02:23
  I love that. See, you've got, you've covered
• 1:02:25
  the full gamut of things and I think you give such great nuance
• 1:02:28
  to those things that fill your soul.
• 1:02:30
  They can be moving your body, they can be those things you get
• 1:02:32
  to do in your work. They can be those simple joys
• 1:02:35
  and they're all part of it, and you all feel your soul in
• 1:02:38
  different ways. I love that so much.
• 1:02:39
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 1:02:43
  months. Accomplished.
• 1:02:52
  Stress free content, Excited, and let's see a fifth one.
• 1:03:12
  I would say adventurous. Yeah, I like that one.
• 1:03:17
  Adventurous and curiosity. That's one that I'm really
• 1:03:19
  leaning into in this season of my life.
• 1:03:21
  Yeah, I love to not hold back, to do the things I want to do.
• 1:03:26
  Yeah. And just there.
• 1:03:29
  Nobody's guaranteed tomorrow. I'm going to go do it now.
• 1:03:32
  Exactly. Yeah, so good.
• 1:03:34
  All right. Tell people where they can find
• 1:03:36
  you and follow you. All right, so I'm on Instagram
• 1:03:40
  at Angela under score, Jacob Bellas under score.
• 1:03:44
  Lai know it's a lot to spell. I apologize.
• 1:03:49
  It'll be on our website, you can just copy and paste it.
• 1:03:55
  Facebook is the same thing. LinkedIn is the same thing.
• 1:03:58
  My website is Angela at aquabellas.com.
• 1:04:02
  I love interacting with people. I love helping people.
• 1:04:05
  If you have any questions, you know I don't charge for advice.
• 1:04:09
  I don't charge for a phone call. You're more than welcome to
• 1:04:12
  reach out to me, and I'm happy to help you however I can.
• 1:04:16
  Great. Thank you so much for that.
• 1:04:18
  A last thought you'd like to leave with our listeners today.
• 1:04:26
  The last thought I would say is enjoy life.
• 1:04:35
  There's nothing that's guaranteed, but take the moments
• 1:04:41
  to enjoy your friends, enjoy your family.
• 1:04:46
  Call somebody back when you 2 just call somebody because
• 1:04:52
  you're thinking of them. But like I said, it just it's
• 1:04:57
  all about enjoying life. We get one.
• 1:05:00
  Yeah, yeah. And that would be it.
• 1:05:04
  And prepare for it too. That's the finance side of me.
• 1:05:07
  Yes, absolutely. That's the business side.
• 1:05:10
  That's the finance side is that you got to prepare for it in
• 1:05:12
  order to be able to enjoy it. True, it's a that gives you that
• 1:05:15
  content that you're looking for. Absolutely very size of my
• 1:05:20
  brain. There we go.
• 1:05:21
  We brought it all together. Great way to wrap it up.
• 1:05:23
  Angela, thanks again for your time.
• 1:05:25
  Thanks for the thank you SO. Much for having me.
• 1:05:28
  Thank you so much. This has been great.
• 1:05:29
  I'm so glad to see you. I haven't seen you in a few
• 1:05:31
  months, so. I know.
• 1:05:33
  This is great. Good to connect with you 2
• 1:05:36
  listeners out there. Don't let fear get in the way of
• 1:05:39
  doing that thing that's going to give you the contentment and the
• 1:05:43
  peace of knowing that you've taken care of it, that you know
• 1:05:46
  so that would be and there are people like Angela out there
• 1:05:49
  waiting to help you. So look at those resources.
• 1:05:52
  Make that appointment. Now's a great time to think
• 1:05:55
  about it. We're going into the holidays
• 1:05:56
  and then the new year. It's a great time to make a plan
• 1:06:00
  and get and get that in order. But we hope you found this
• 1:06:03
  helpful. We hope you kind of supportive,
• 1:06:06
  take good care of yourselves and we'll see you next time here on
• 1:06:08
  the Field Podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
• 1:06:12
  being with us today on this episode of the Field podcast.
• 1:06:17
  If you would like more information on how you can apply
• 1:06:21
  these talking points that I share with our guests in each
• 1:06:24
  episode to your own life, really utilize this feel framework, go
• 1:06:30
  to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form, and let's set
• 1:06:35
  up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
• 1:06:40
  living your most authentic, organic, healthy, feel fueled
• 1:06:46
  life. Thanks again for being with us
• 1:06:48
  today. We'll be back to you soon with
• 1:06:50
  another episode here on the Feel Podcast.