Shows / Hello Dysfunction
Hello Dysfunction
A raw and hilarious dive into current events, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, navigating mental illness, gossip, and the political dumpster fire we’re all forced to live in.
Episodes
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep75: Sobriety Swim Test
Lonely days, disturbing dreams, some family dysfunction, sassy tones and lots of tv xo Betterhelp.com/Hello
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep74: I LOVE sex
Keeping in touch with you guys during the social distancing. This week we discuss lucid dreams, a new baby, ridiculous dads, investigating your partner, tiger…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep73: Keep Cats Out Of Your Ludes
Week 2 of quarantine is upon us, some ideas for making use of your time at home, companies extending some free offers to the community, don’t let johns take…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep72: Pistol Whipping
Corona Virus is bullying us all, book vs film. Don’t get scammed on the internet, penis injections are a thing and Pata Fria has added a new service to her…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep71: That Time I Had Anal Warts
This week Crystal is starting a water challenge while growing closer to her adopted raccoon. Pata Fria revisits the importance of credit and making money on…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep70: Just remove the walnut from your butth*le
Mercury is in retrograde and everyone is feeling it. Don’t worry about the Corona virus, strange news, ppl are cat fishing and women’s bodies really have it…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep69: Sex Splits
Financial literacy is important as are cameras surrounding your house. Dog bites suck, 90s beauty products were great and Pata Fria made Crystal litter. Do a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep68: Wiener Rescue
Ep.68. V Day recap, it’s time to restructure The Bakers Act, we love dating shows and Robert Lee Noye is a hero. Domestic violence is serious, don’t bomb the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep67: Stop Skipping All The Good Parts
Crystals cat is acting like Pata Fria, assume everyone has home surveillance, keep your pets out of your webcam scenes and always support those that support…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep66: Drink The Power
Crystal saves a cat through osmosis, Pata Fria ponders getting a shock collar for Dottie. Water your hot pockets and wash your ass. Some fun fan questions, a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep65: PERTENTIAL DANGERS
The weekend recap, family drama, McDonald’s soda secrets, pass on the Grammy’s, be on time aka early, practice code switching and let’s all be smart with our…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep64: Give Me ALL The Sperm
IKEA sucks, Crystal hates January. Pata Fria searches for a dead body and dentures are really common. Read a book, watch the Aaron Hernandez doc and don’t wear…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep63: Are You Leaking?
Crystal has another sinus infection and Pata Fria’s energy bill has skyrocketed. We need multiple streams of income so try everything, even singing about cats…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep62: Intimate Parts
The first episode of 2020 is here with more vagina talk, explore the possibilities of lube, teach your kids to properly prank each other, never trust a leather…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep61: What’s Your Dirty White Secret?
It’s the end of a decade and this week we have the amazing Lil Debbie joining us. Holiday recap, tips on successful gift giving, cats are thieves, New Years…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep60: Tammy’s Getting Spanked
Crazy Xmas shopping and delivery delays, Crystal celebrates 14yrs w Mark, internet matchmaking, did Pata Fria finally cure her rash, cancel culture, trust your…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep59: F*CK FRED
Rainy days, kids know when you’re gay, celebrity tension, ‘tis the season for kindness, culture vultures, Crystal’s Animal Rescue is still in business, don’t…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep58: DON’T SPIT START IT
Live show recap, Billy was a joy, Apple is glitching our phones, kids shouldn’t give haircuts, foreplay is mandatory, possible potato crisis, signing up for…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep57: 15 Dogs Are Missing
Vacation observations, don’t take your dog’s pills, poop forensics, respect other laws and cultures while visiting abroad, T.I. is still gross, Bezos’ latest…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep56: “Two Live Crew”
Happy Anniversary. This week’s episode was recorded live before a studio audience. Crystal revisits a childhood kidnapping. Would you paint your son’s nails?…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep55: Post More Pics of Your Ass
It’s National Kindness Day, is Rodney Reed a serial rapist? Dottie is leaking clear sh*t, there‘s actually a narcissism spectrum, don’t check anyone’s hymen…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep54: I Better Not Be Burnt
This week the girls periods are syncing in studio 54 with a Halloween recap, no one wants to get drunk and go to bed alone, an absent speculum, always check…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep53: 11 Dicks
Don’t trust Crystal with your Mexican drug operation, the Bay Area has been going thru it, tell your callers when they’re on speakerphone, Kanye does gospel…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep52: Don’t Call It A Pee Pee
Cringy words, Crystal has another damn cat, prepare your kids for sticky situations, yoni pearls, blood diapers, the joker, trauma makes you great and a few…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep51: Your Mom Is Not A Drug Dealer
Kids are difficult, tell your car you love it, the Joker hits home, planned electricity suspension scare, Pata Fria was in a low speed chase with the cops and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep50: There IS a limit to a mother’s love
The joys of getting old, Pata Fria is still a practicing doctor, true love of true crime, Amber Guyger is guilty, read more books and parenting woes. Enjoy xo
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep49: All I Can Think Of Is John Travolta
Typical post break up transformation, Crystal got some new wheels, stranger’s awkward convos, everything is linked to parenting, unusual attractions and white…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep48: Double D Donyah
Pata Fria’s been getting artsy, Crystal is still car shopping, dreams and your memory are married, tarot readings coming soon, and don’t support shitty…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep47: Ancestry is NOT for sex
Maria tried to scam Crystal, babies don’t have kneecaps, big fondue plans and an interesting “what if”... Enjoy
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep46: I Got Played
Episode 46 “I Got Played” This week the girls return with some fun and not so fun announcements. Pata Fria is a newly single Grandma, Dottie is adjusting…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep45: Pilots Be Drunk
This week the girls are back with lots of talk about Hawaii and the introduction of Dottie. Getting old sucks, weird dreams and lots of listener questions…
Hello DysfunctionS1 Ep44: Interracial Gangbang
Episode 44 starts off with Pata Fria manifesting a new pet and sharing her latest reading, unapproachable soccer moms, school shopping is a drag, the truly…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep43: Stay Away From Andy
This week is episode 43 and the girls discuss some unfortunate events. Always check your drivers license for fine print, brace yourself before entering the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep42: God is a Dom
This episode focuses on a few odd subjects. Crystal's grandfather's feature in a book, don't lose yourself in a relationship, is the zodiac international, the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep41: They're Definitely Neighbors
Episode 41 starts off with a LA vacation recap, Crystal makes a medical discovery, gentrification woes, movie suggestions, animal tales, kids say the darnedest…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep40: No New Friends
Episode 40 is back at you with an announcement of the new Facebook group "Hello Dysfunction, the meetup", hot girl summer with golden girl knees, how this show…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep39: "I think Finnish people are cool"
Episode 39 is here after a week off...the girls describe their new room, another example why humans suck, some celebrity news, food made from science and some…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep38: Hittin Switches
Episode 38 kicks off with a birthday recap, grandma's having company, don't spoil your kids, bad hygiene is rude, our deplorable government, Reebok pumps and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep37: Piss over ice
Episode 37 is here with some hippie hacks, trouble the kids have been into, Crystal’s grandfather is worse than we imagined, unknown neighborhood names, why…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep36: My Whole Life Is A Lie
Pata Fria reveals a family secret, Crystal has a pleasant surprise while shopping, some film suggestions, what the bedroom is really for, Crystal loves talking…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep35: Wet n Wild 508
Pata Fria can’t cry and has tattoo blisters, Crystal has an animal rescue foundation in her home, some mom talk and how to get fly in the 90’s. Enjoy…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep34: Ancestry Is Messy
Episode 34 is here with a birthday recap, some dark family secrets, a medication update, what not to do in the post office, intuition vs anxiety and Crystal…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep33: "I Murdered Alicia Keys"
Episode 33 kicks off with a recap of Crystal's hectic week, a ghost joined the Dom session, weird sex laws, uncomfortable dreams and more. Enjoy. rate us on…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep32: DAD, DON'T COME IN
The ladies return for episode 32 with a Mother's Day recap, the importance of being polite, some interesting news, technology is out of control, hygiene…
- Hello Dysfunction
The Yee Yee Girls (bonus Episode)
A Bonus Episode of Hello Dysfunction with Guest hosts the "Yee Yee girls"
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep31: Discussing Douches w Strangers
Episode 31: After a brief hiatus the podcast returns with some dysfunctional family stories, the normalcy of anilingus, bad experiences w cops, a phallic…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep30: Don't Masturbate To Death
Episode 30 shows up with a bang. Literally. Some talk about how much April sucks, vaginal steaming bars, Crystal's new auntie tribe and the importance of…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep29: I Like To Get Stretched
After an interesting weekend episode 29 covers it all. Pata Fria had a panic, Crystal Barbie and family keep things interesting. Some info and details about…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep28: Funerals Should Be Funny
This week a lot of subjects are covered. White privilege is definitely real, Pata Fria made it to Detroit, Crystal does a good deed, pay attention to signs the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep27: YOU WEAR FAKE TOES??
Episode 27 is full of random subjects and theories...we revisit chem trails, the effect hairstyles can have on a person, STRONG animal love, sex workers tend…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep26: I Hate Babies
It’s dysfunction as usual this week with another ER visit, soccer startup, Crystal’s new shoes and Pata Fria’s “recovery” to name a few. Abortion, some recent…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep25: Would You F*ck My Dead Body?
This week is episode 25 and the dysfunction continues with an array of interesting subjects. Some advice is offered to their younger selves, astronauts get a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep24: Would You Rather...
This week episode 24 begins with some feelings about the weather, how we're not anti-pimp and calling men a bitch is a universal no no. Stevi handles business…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep23: My Penis Was Crying Your Name
This week’s episode begins with dreams, and spirt communication, discussion of the new MJ documentary, and Billy’s trip to Target for tampons. The ladies also…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep22: Who Thought This Was A Good Idea
This week we tried something new and had our producer Lev sit in. He won't be back. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep21: Stop Petting The Cat and Finish
This week opens up with a Valentine's Day recap, some parental stress and a warning about Love Potion. Weird news, a 3D printable death chamber and interesting…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep20: Two for Twomp
This week starts off w some celebrity drama, blackface fashion becoming an intentional trend, it's Black History Month, grey sweats are for bachelors only…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep19: Everything Is Gay
This week there's some talk about problematic celebrities, the beginning of Black History Month, our shitty government, how the internet really can be great…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep18: Foreskin & Pepper Spray
This week's discussion includes circumcision, pubic hair preferences, parental enablers, the new abortion law, birth control tips, war on sex workers, views on…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep17: Are You International?
This week's episode wishes a happy birthday to MLK, touches on some current political dysfunction, the raising of older kids, the effects of drugs and mental…