Shows / Rats In The Gutter
Rats In The Gutter
Auckland, the Babylon of Australasia. Home to award-winning creatives/ aspiring Jezebels Sam Te Kani and Johanna Cosgrove. Join them as they navigate daily life in a gorgeous South Pacific necropolis here at civilization’s end. Not deterred in the least by back-to-back lockdowns and a shortage of worthwhile intimacies, Te Kani and Cosgrove barrel headfirst into themes and experiences any modern twenty-something will recognise. From finding love when every other guy is a flakey bisexual, to the…
Episodes
- Rats In The Gutter
Sabine Returns
Trilling echolalia of the inner chamber, walls slowly closing in, but they’re gilt chintz so we don’t mind. Also fuck Luxon. Hosted on Acast. See…
- Rats In The Gutter
BUZZY
Oscars? Buzzy. Raglan? Buzzy. PR relationships? Buzzy. A tight five? Buzzy. Marmite sandwiches? Buzzy. Davide Seymour’s natal alcohol syndrome? Priceless. Get…
- Rats In The Gutter
LIGHT ON TOX
Absurdity as a radical gesture, refusal to treat the body more specifically the face as a profitable asset, and the unbearable lightness of race. Enjoy. Get…
- Rats In The Gutter
CHARMING THE ADDER
We’re counting the days until impact with NASA announcing the immanent arrival of a ‘city killer’ asteroid, just as Brian Tamaki is counting the days until the…
- Rats In The Gutter
I VIBE (so what)
This country’s going to hell in a diamanté handbag, kinda puts a damper on Pride. So we’re ashamed. Get every episode early and in video, PLUS our bonus BTS…
- Rats In The Gutter
CANTERBURY CAPRESE
This week the rats discuss conservative delusion (such as recolonisation), being pet lovers, the unbearable lightness of fanny sweat, Beyonce’s calculated…
- Rats In The Gutter
BIBLICAL TWINKS
Historical inaccuracies abound! Was David of David and Goliath fame a flamer? Was Jack the Ripper doing Queen Victoria’s bidding? Am I a natural blonde? Listen…
- Rats In The Gutter
DIDDY'S LASERS
Welcome to the facelift. A new and improved Rats 2.0 (if you’ve paid for it). The non-pay-wall peasant channel is still as good, but let’s be honest, your…
- Rats In The Gutter
ESOTERIC INFLAMMATION
there’s an ambience of despair this episode. But rats are survivors. Except for countries so poverty stricken people eat them. Like what New Zealand under our…
- Rats In The Gutter
LITTLE PEEPS
With Sam and Johanna away on holiday, here's a bonus episode released last month on our Patreon! Back soon, happy 2025 ratties xx Welcome again behind the pay…
- Rats In The Gutter
HEIRONYMOUS KWEEF
Poly-tics - The government is a choad parade of gross incompetence and double chins and we’ve had a guts full! Also merry xmas. Get every episode early and in…
- Rats In The Gutter
RATS RECAP
LIVE FROM THE BASEMENT THEATRE - This week's episode is coming to you live and rancid in front of an actual audience. As Sam and Johanna catalogue the insanity…
- Rats In The Gutter
LAND OF THE FAT WHITE C**TS
Rats gets lice. Not these rats. But we’ve heard it’s a thing. The following is a speculative journey on the parasitical nature of politics, religion, and other…
- Rats In The Gutter
DEFYING FAGGOTRY
Um, this episode is about Wicked. Obviously. Sorry if we’re predictable but that’s on the carnival feeling the gays and the girls get from a big budget lezzy…
- Rats In The Gutter
REALITY IS THE GAG
There’s nothing harder in this volatile climate than getting out of bed in the morning, closely followed by trying to put a coherent label on what kind of…
- Rats In The Gutter
BLEEP BLEEP BLOP
Shit’s real, shit’s dark; shit’s real dark. This week the rats talk various radical forms of feminist solidarity, bespoke seventeenth century violin design…
- Rats In The Gutter
TAKE MY HUMP
Sam and Johanna go broad this week! From Auckland new goblin bar to lute wielding exes in press ons to Esther Perel deep romance interrogation ; come for Anne…
- Rats In The Gutter
DAVID’S GOTTA GO
the country is being run by sociopaths with micro penises. This week the rats call the corners and their enraged and like-minded peers towards a solution…
- Rats In The Gutter
KILL THE FAT CONTROLLER
Sam and Johanna are on a political rampage! Spanning the suffrage movement, Gertrude Steins iron reign, and NZ government moving against its own capital city…
- Rats In The Gutter
FIFTY SHADES OF FENTI
an ambiently bitter episode. includes a review of Ariana Grande’s racial fluidity, a loving rib on theatre, and the usual white-noise you’d expect from the…
- Rats In The Gutter
BYO CIGARILLOS GIRLS
Theatre, faggotry, more faggotry, very public meltdowns. Welcome to this week’s intellectually stimulating potpourri of an episode. We speculate on Abe…
- Rats In The Gutter
FILLER ON THE ROOF
ancestry, misogyny, wellness, an oddly earnest hour(ish) of rats this week. Basically the only real journalism left in this country after the budget cuts…
- Rats In The Gutter
RATS LIVE . . . AGAIN!
take a cozy and harrowingly unfiltered 50 min break with a recording of our latest live appearance. If you listen quietly you can hear people leaving the…
- Rats In The Gutter
FEATURING EMMA GLEASON
this week we talk to NZ Herald journalist Emma Gleason about life, love, and the dystopian abolishment of truth in a media landscape that has no center…
- Rats In The Gutter
ALLEGATIONS
this week the rats speculate whether a midi allegation has substance or is just the blue-haired posturing of a hysterical plaintiff with a bone to pick…
- Rats In The Gutter
ELON MUSKS
Nothing spoils the broth quite like remembering that you’re gonna die, though the rats recommend a daily memento mori to avoid delusions of immortality. Other…
- Rats In The Gutter
CUL DE SAC
The rats are emotionally unstable this week. We think it has something to do with the retrogrades. Enjoy forty-ish minutes of arrested development and…
- Rats In The Gutter
I CAN SEE YOUR (anal) HALO
It’s a cruel world but the rats think they’ve got a handle on it. This week they share their dos and donts, exchanging considered perspectives on different…
- Rats In The Gutter
FRITTER ME THIS!
this week, let them eat fritters! the rats get nostalgic about fritter festival, which they have never been to. there’s also some light commentary on the…
- Rats In The Gutter
SHOTS FIRED
this week the rats are fired up about political violence, dead naming Russel Brand, the class warfare that is travel by air, and Brian Tamaki’s big glass…
- Rats In The Gutter
THE SHRILL SHRIEK I SHROKE
Want some tips on how to combat writers block? The luteal phase? Drunk history? Johanna’s specific walk of shame requirements? Samuel’s relaxation routine?…
- Rats In The Gutter
BLUE HAIRED POLYCULE
MaXXXine is out! Madam is out! Richard III’s corpse is out (in a carpark)! Sam and Johanna are sick of therapy but they absolutely love Michelle Branch -…
- Rats In The Gutter
SMAUG
Ep description: Our (b)rats are back in the studio and if you thought they were over screaming themselves hoarse over the acid green sensation that is Charli’s…
- Rats In The Gutter
SPIRITUAL FECAL SILT
The seasons cleave to Charli XcX and the world is now Brat green! Join Johanna and Sam for a deep dive into THE album of the year (soz Beyonce) with side notes…
- Rats In The Gutter
“Some people think global warming is a hoax, perpestrated by the Chinese. But I say, show me the receips! Because why would Xi Xin Ping wanna flood my basement and rust my Bowflex? To what end? Toooo what end?”
the rats have difficulty centering themselves this week because the world is a gleaming conundrum equal parts pleasure and shiny anguish. So they anchor the…
- Rats In The Gutter
GENDER FLUIDS
is bisexuality a myth? does pussy count as a meal and does it have a smooth finish? this week the rats go deep within themselves to find out where in the…
- Rats In The Gutter
GENDER NEUTRAL XENO-FLAPS
This week the rats cusp extracurricular exhaustion and the ambient horror of a world on fire, while also finding time to assess the particular madness of aged…
- Rats In The Gutter
MULTIPLE NDA’S
against all legal advice, the rats describe some of their extracurricular activities, which they’re forced to do because podcasting is largely pro bono. Also…
- Rats In The Gutter
HI, GAY
After a brief work related hiatus - the rats are back in situ with some juicy and shocking personal revelation’s. No spoilers here - tune in and slurp that hot…
- Rats In The Gutter
STILL-LIFE RATS
It’s here—the rats live! Effortlessly eclipsing The Eras Tour as the season's most sought-after ticketed event, Cosgrove and Te Kani set Auckland’s Q Theatre…
- Rats In The Gutter
THE SHRILL ART OF FAILURE
the rats try and have a critical conversation about some frankly profound theatre they recently saw together, and are thwarted by a bug in the system…
- Rats In The Gutter
AWARDS SEASON
And so the Oscars are here. It’s difficult to get excited about cinematic glories against the backdrop of genocide and ambient psychological warfare with…
- Rats In The Gutter
KWISATZ HADERACH
Body dysmorphia is as strong a theme this week as it’s ever been. Dune Part Two looms like a mammoth cultural moment. Fifties housewives dropping tapeworms…
- Rats In The Gutter
FUSCHIA SPACE DEBRIS
In a fugue state of rap beefs and genocides the rats try and cohere a week of internet, in brief. Notably featuring kosher cocktails, Hamas-friendly aperitifs…
- Rats In The Gutter
CARNIE CONVENTION w/ Eli Matthewson
This week, the rats invite comedian and fellow carnie/attention whore Eli Matthewson in. They exchange stories of willful self exposures, humiliations, and the…
- Rats In The Gutter
ROLL THE DICE
This week in stinking hot Tāmaki, our rats are more delusional than you thought humanly possible! Sam and Johanna dissect various social and personal…
- Rats In The Gutter
BACK OFF FATTY
The horrors persist but so do we. This week, the rats wax on about the survivalism of nature’s reviled critters, pariahs such as cockroaches, wasps, and the…
- Rats In The Gutter
UNDER ATTACK
Samuel and Johanna are still deep in the northland wilderness which has done wonders for their sense of reality (or lack thereof!) Tune in to this episode…
- Rats In The Gutter
BUSH PIGS
The rats have gone bush to work on themselves. Critical distance from their natural city habitus gives pause for introspection, a reserve of intellectual…
- Rats In The Gutter
THE FLY LIST ETC
Happy New Year straight from the gutter! This week, Johanna and Samuel are back with a inappropriate vengeance, speculating wildly on all the essential current…
- Rats In The Gutter
Another WRAPPED
The year is coming to a close and amidst obligatory family time the rats find a quiet moment to review their year. Join them for an intellectual tour de force…
- Rats In The Gutter
BOKASHI HELL
The rats feel the strain of December when New Zealanders prepare to enter a summer free for all of seasonal binge drinking. How will boycotting McDonald’s…
- Rats In The Gutter
ENNUI, FANTASY and YOU
The rats are feeling meh and in their restlessness cavort across topics as diffuse as the visual poetry of Mission Impossible Fallout, Henry Cavill’s supple…
- Rats In The Gutter
MUSIC (sort of)
The rats look back on the year that was, because Spotify told them to. Join them as they introspect about a trash-fire 12 months that included accidental…
- Rats In The Gutter
BRAIN DIDDLING
As we careen headfirst into summer, Auckland’s sweatiest and hottest girls keep it nice and moist—much like their dermis. Our rats wax lyrical about whatever…
- Rats In The Gutter
THE WELLNESS EPISODE
As Samuel visits Johanna’s sickbed (dramatic but real gurls) it’s only fitting that our Rats loosely mull over wellness in a way that is deeply… unwell…
- Rats In The Gutter
THERAPIZE THIS!
Depression demons, emotional instability, the importance of being pro-Palestine, Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo being the double headed hydra of our times…
- Rats In The Gutter
BULLET-PROOF PUSSY
This week, the rats air numerous grievances with their fellow man, with whom they are all kinds of disappointed (as you should be). Topics range from the…
- Rats In The Gutter
THE ID
This week the rats are basically scared and confused (and a little horny) from the fumes of a world on fire. It’s two parts vitriol, one part nonsense…
- Rats In The Gutter
TRANSITIONS
The rats are tired. Barely keeping their homicidal tendencies in check, Sam & Johanna wax mutual pessimism on the election outcome, the unsettling nature of…