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Why Some People Are Luckier Than Others (The Science) · Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur

• 0:22
  Have
• 0:23
  you
• 0:23
  ever
• 0:23
  noticed
• 0:24
  how
• 0:24
  some
• 0:24
  people
• 0:25
  seem
• 0:25
  to
• 0:25
  be
• 0:25
  so
• 0:26
  lucky?
• 0:26
  Everything
• 0:27
  just
• 0:27
  seems
• 0:28
  to
• 0:28
  work
• 0:28
  out
• 0:28
  for
• 0:28
  them.
• 0:29
  Opportunities
• 0:30
  just
• 0:30
  seem
• 0:31
  to
• 0:31
  land
• 0:31
  for
• 0:32
  them.
• 0:32
  Doors
• 0:33
  open
• 0:33
  easily.
• 0:34
  And
• 0:34
  the
• 0:34
  strange
• 0:35
  part
• 0:35
  is
• 0:35
  they
• 0:36
  don't
• 0:36
  look
• 0:36
  like
• 0:36
  they're
• 0:37
  really
• 0:37
  working
• 0:37
  that
• 0:38
  hard.
• 0:38
  Everything
• 0:39
  seems
• 0:39
  to
• 0:39
  come
• 0:39
  to
• 0:39
  them
• 0:40
  with
• 0:40
  ease.
• 0:40
  So
• 0:41
  what
• 0:41
  is
• 0:41
  actually
• 0:42
  going
• 0:42
  on
• 0:42
  here?
• 0:43
  And
• 0:43
  is
• 0:44
  there
• 0:44
  something
• 0:45
  that
• 0:45
  you
• 0:46
  can
• 0:46
  implement
• 0:46
  in
• 0:47
  your
• 0:47
  life
• 0:48
  to
• 0:48
  make
• 0:48
  it
• 0:48
  easy
• 0:49
  for
• 0:49
  you?
• 0:49
  Is
• 0:50
  luck
• 0:50
  a
• 0:50
  real
• 0:51
  thing
• 0:51
  and
• 0:51
  how
• 0:51
  do
• 0:52
  we
• 0:52
  create
• 0:52
  it?
• 0:53
  And
• 0:53
  here's
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  thing,
• 0:54
  there
• 0:54
  is
• 0:54
  some
• 0:55
  science
• 0:55
  behind
• 0:55
  it.
• 0:56
  There
• 0:56
  has
• 0:56
  been
• 0:56
  some
• 0:57
  research
• 0:57
  into
• 0:58
  luck,
• 0:58
  and
• 0:58
  today
• 0:59
  we're
• 0:59
  going
• 0:59
  to
• 0:59
  be
• 0:59
  looking
• 0:59
  at
• 1:00
  how
• 1:00
  do
• 1:01
  we
• 1:01
  live
• 1:01
  this
• 1:02
  and
• 1:02
  how
• 1:02
  do
• 1:02
  we
• 1:03
  incorporate
• 1:03
  this
• 1:04
  into
• 1:04
  our
• 1:04
  life.
• 1:05
  Today
• 1:05
  we're
• 1:05
  going
• 1:05
  to
• 1:05
  look
• 1:06
  at
• 1:06
  what
• 1:07
  separates
• 1:08
  the
• 1:08
  people
• 1:08
  from
• 1:09
  being
• 1:09
  lucky
• 1:09
  and
• 1:10
  unlucky
• 1:11
  and
• 1:12
  how
• 1:12
  can
• 1:12
  we
• 1:12
  incorporate
• 1:13
  this
• 1:14
  through
• 1:14
  a
• 1:14
  five
• 1:14
  step
• 1:15
  process.
• 1:15
  Today
• 1:16
  this
• 1:16
  is
• 1:16
  starting
• 1:17
  over
• 1:17
  being
• 1:18
  you.
• 1:18
  So
• 1:18
  let's
• 1:19
  get
• 1:19
  into
• 1:19
  it.
• 1:19
  So
• 1:20
  what
• 1:20
  is
• 1:20
  luck?
• 1:20
  A
• 1:21
  psychologist
• 1:22
  named
• 1:22
  Richard
• 1:23
  Wiseman
• 1:23
  spent
• 1:24
  years
• 1:25
  studying
• 1:25
  people,
• 1:27
  people
• 1:27
  that
• 1:27
  thought
• 1:27
  that
• 1:27
  they
• 1:28
  were
• 1:28
  lucky
• 1:28
  and
• 1:29
  unlucky.
• 1:30
  And
• 1:30
  he
• 1:30
  found
• 1:31
  something
• 1:31
  that
• 1:32
  really
• 1:32
  should
• 1:33
  change
• 1:33
  the
• 1:33
  way
• 1:33
  we
• 1:34
  think
• 1:34
  about
• 1:34
  luck.
• 1:35
  It's
• 1:35
  not
• 1:35
  actually
• 1:36
  a
• 1:36
  trait.
• 1:36
  It's
• 1:37
  not
• 1:37
  something
• 1:37
  that
• 1:38
  is
• 1:38
  just
• 1:39
  like
• 1:39
  magic.
• 1:40
  It's
• 1:40
  actually
• 1:41
  behaviors.
• 1:42
  One
• 1:42
  of
• 1:42
  the
• 1:42
  most
• 1:43
  important
• 1:43
  things
• 1:43
  that
• 1:44
  you
• 1:44
  can
• 1:44
  take
• 1:44
  away
• 1:45
  from
• 1:45
  this
• 1:46
  podcast
• 1:47
  is
• 1:47
  that
• 1:48
  lucky
• 1:48
  people
• 1:49
  have
• 1:49
  looser,
• 1:50
  wider
• 1:51
  networks.
• 1:52
  They
• 1:52
  engage
• 1:53
  with
• 1:53
  more
• 1:53
  people.
• 1:54
  The
• 1:54
  other
• 1:55
  thing
• 1:55
  is
• 1:55
  they
• 1:56
  acted
• 1:56
  on
• 1:57
  their
• 1:57
  hunches,
• 1:58
  gut
• 1:59
  instincts,
• 1:59
  instead
• 2:00
  of
• 2:00
  overthinking.
• 2:02
  And
• 2:02
  thirdly,
• 2:03
  they
• 2:03
  actually
• 2:04
  expected
• 2:05
  things
• 2:05
  to
• 2:05
  work
• 2:06
  out
• 2:06
  for
• 2:06
  them.
• 2:06
  And
• 2:06
  fourthly,
• 2:07
  when
• 2:08
  things
• 2:08
  went
• 2:08
  wrong,
• 2:09
  they
• 2:09
  saw
• 2:10
  the
• 2:10
  benefit
• 2:11
  of
• 2:11
  it
• 2:11
  quicker
• 2:12
  and
• 2:12
  tried
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  get
• 2:13
  something
• 2:13
  that
• 2:14
  was
• 2:14
  useful
• 2:14
  for
• 2:15
  them
• 2:15
  so
• 2:16
  that
• 2:16
  they
• 2:16
  could
• 2:16
  then
• 2:16
  move
• 2:16
  forward.
• 2:17
  Okay,
• 2:18
  so
• 2:18
  it's
• 2:18
  not
• 2:18
  magic.
• 2:20
  Next
• 2:20
  time
• 2:20
  you
• 2:20
  think,
• 2:20
  oh,
• 2:21
  I
• 2:21
  never
• 2:21
  win
• 2:21
  something,
• 2:22
  know
• 2:23
  that.
• 2:23
  It's
• 2:24
  not
• 2:24
  magic,
• 2:24
  it's
• 2:25
  behavior.
• 2:26
  It's
• 2:26
  cause
• 2:26
  and
• 2:27
  effect.
• 2:27
  If
• 2:28
  we
• 2:28
  don't
• 2:28
  play,
• 2:29
  we
• 2:29
  don't
• 2:29
  win.
• 2:29
  The
• 2:30
  Stanford
• 2:30
  researcher
• 2:31
  Tina
• 2:31
  Steelig
• 2:32
  puts
• 2:32
  it
• 2:33
  simply,
• 2:33
  there's
• 2:34
  physics
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  luck.
• 2:37
  Not
• 2:37
  quantum
• 2:37
  physics,
• 2:38
  but
• 2:38
  the
• 2:38
  boring
• 2:39
  kind.
• 2:40
  You
• 2:40
  do
• 2:40
  something
• 2:41
  and
• 2:41
  something
• 2:42
  will
• 2:42
  shift.
• 2:42
  It's
• 2:43
  like
• 2:43
  cause
• 2:43
  and
• 2:43
  effect.
• 2:44
  If
• 2:44
  you
• 2:44
  do
• 2:45
  something,
• 2:45
  then
• 2:46
  opportunities
• 2:47
  open
• 2:47
  up
• 2:47
  to
• 2:47
  you.
• 2:48
  And
• 2:48
  one
• 2:48
  of
• 2:48
  the
• 2:49
  things
• 2:49
  that
• 2:49
  we
• 2:49
  explored
• 2:50
  last
• 2:50
  week
• 2:50
  was,
• 2:51
  well,
• 2:51
  sometimes
• 2:52
  we
• 2:52
  can't
• 2:53
  see
• 2:53
  the
• 2:53
  opportunities.
• 2:54
  So
• 2:54
  if
• 2:54
  you
• 2:55
  haven't
• 2:55
  seen
• 2:55
  that
• 2:55
  video,
• 2:56
  please
• 2:56
  go
• 2:57
  ahead
• 2:57
  and
• 2:57
  watch
• 2:57
  that
• 2:58
  because
• 2:58
  that
• 2:58
  makes
• 2:59
  sense
• 2:59
  that
• 3:00
  actually
• 3:01
  if,
• 3:01
  if
• 3:01
  we
• 3:01
  can't
• 3:02
  see
• 3:02
  opportunities,
• 3:03
  we're
• 3:04
  not
• 3:04
  going
• 3:04
  to
• 3:04
  take
• 3:04
  them.
• 3:05
  Now,
• 3:05
  what
• 3:06
  is
• 3:06
  it
• 3:06
  that
• 3:07
  makes
• 3:07
  us
• 3:08
  take
• 3:08
  that
• 3:08
  opportunity
• 3:09
  in
• 3:09
  the
• 3:09
  first
• 3:09
  place?
• 3:10
  What
• 3:10
  is
• 3:11
  it
• 3:11
  that
• 3:11
  makes
• 3:12
  us
• 3:12
  take
• 3:12
  that
• 3:12
  action
• 3:13
  in
• 3:14
  the
• 3:14
  first
• 3:14
  place
• 3:14
  that
• 3:14
  these
• 3:15
  lucky
• 3:15
  people
• 3:15
  did?
• 3:17
  It's
• 3:17
  our
• 3:17
  nervous
• 3:17
  system,
• 3:18
  we
• 3:18
  need
• 3:19
  to
• 3:19
  feel
• 3:19
  safe
• 3:20
  to
• 3:20
  be
• 3:21
  able
• 3:21
  to
• 3:21
  take
• 3:22
  those
• 3:22
  actions,
• 3:23
  to
• 3:24
  create
• 3:25
  a
• 3:25
  bigger
• 3:26
  network
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  get
• 3:27
  to
• 3:28
  know
• 3:28
  people
• 3:28
  and
• 3:29
  maybe
• 3:29
  talk
• 3:30
  to
• 3:30
  someone
• 3:30
  that
• 3:31
  you
• 3:31
  wouldn't
• 3:31
  normally
• 3:32
  talk
• 3:32
  to.
• 3:32
  But
• 3:32
  when
• 3:33
  we're
• 3:33
  in
• 3:33
  a
• 3:33
  threat
• 3:34
  state,
• 3:35
  when
• 3:35
  we're
• 3:36
  feeling
• 3:36
  that
• 3:37
  nervous
• 3:37
  system
• 3:38
  kicking
• 3:38
  in,
• 3:39
  it's
• 3:39
  really
• 3:39
  quite
• 3:40
  hard
• 3:40
  to
• 3:40
  do
• 3:41
  that.
• 3:41
  And
• 3:42
  we
• 3:42
  become
• 3:42
  smaller
• 3:43
  and
• 3:43
  smaller
• 3:44
  because
• 3:46
  our
• 3:46
  nervous
• 3:46
  system
• 3:47
  has
• 3:48
  been
• 3:48
  activated.
• 3:49
  So
• 3:49
  it's
• 3:49
  not
• 3:50
  about
• 3:50
  strategy
• 3:51
  and
• 3:51
  thinking
• 3:51
  the
• 3:52
  best
• 3:52
  plans
• 3:53
  and
• 3:53
  getting
• 3:54
  it
• 3:54
  right.
• 3:55
  It's
• 3:55
  more
• 3:55
  about
• 3:57
  allowing
• 3:58
  ourself
• 3:58
  the
• 3:59
  freedom
• 4:00
  to
• 4:00
  be
• 4:00
  able
• 4:01
  to
• 4:01
  find
• 4:02
  the
• 4:02
  opportunities
• 4:03
  to
• 4:03
  take
• 4:03
  that
• 4:04
  action
• 4:05
  and
• 4:05
  keep
• 4:06
  going.
• 4:06
  So
• 4:07
  if
• 4:07
  our
• 4:07
  nervous
• 4:08
  system
• 4:09
  is
• 4:09
  the
• 4:09
  basis
• 4:10
  of
• 4:10
  whether
• 4:10
  we're
• 4:11
  lucky
• 4:11
  or
• 4:11
  not,
• 4:12
  whether
• 4:12
  we
• 4:12
  actually
• 4:13
  take
• 4:13
  those
• 4:13
  actions,
• 4:15
  then
• 4:15
  we
• 4:15
  have
• 4:15
  to
• 4:15
  ask
• 4:16
  ourselves
• 4:16
  the
• 4:17
  question,
• 4:18
  where
• 4:18
  is
• 4:18
  my
• 4:19
  nervous
• 4:19
  system
• 4:19
  state
• 4:20
  right
• 4:20
  now?
• 4:21
  Is
• 4:22
  it
• 4:22
  holding
• 4:23
  me
• 4:23
  back?
• 4:23
  Even
• 4:24
  though
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  think
• 4:25
  yes,
• 4:26
  I'm
• 4:26
  doing
• 4:26
  well,
• 4:27
  is
• 4:27
  there
• 4:28
  something
• 4:28
  that's
• 4:29
  holding
• 4:29
  me
• 4:29
  back?
• 4:30
  And
• 4:30
  a
• 4:30
  lot
• 4:30
  of
• 4:30
  the
• 4:31
  time
• 4:31
  it's
• 4:31
  uncomfortable
• 4:32
  to
• 4:32
  really
• 4:32
  face
• 4:33
  this.
• 4:33
  That's
• 4:34
  the
• 4:34
  truth,
• 4:34
  and
• 4:34
  there
• 4:35
  is
• 4:35
  a
• 4:35
  reason
• 4:36
  for
• 4:36
  that
• 4:37
  is
• 4:37
  to
• 4:38
  do
• 4:38
  with
• 4:38
  the
• 4:38
  people
• 4:39
  that
• 4:39
  you've
• 4:39
  been
• 4:39
  around
• 4:40
  the
• 4:41
  most.
• 4:41
  Your
• 4:41
  nervous
• 4:42
  system
• 4:42
  doesn't
• 4:42
  regulate
• 4:43
  alone,
• 4:44
  it
• 4:45
  actually
• 4:45
  co
• 4:46
  regulates.
• 4:47
  And
• 4:47
  a
• 4:47
  lot
• 4:47
  of
• 4:47
  those
• 4:48
  people
• 4:48
  that
• 4:48
  are
• 4:48
  sensitive
• 4:49
  and
• 4:49
  aware
• 4:51
  know
• 4:51
  this
• 4:51
  instinctively.
• 4:53
  Hence
• 4:53
  why
• 4:53
  they
• 4:54
  try
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  isolate
• 4:55
  themselves.
• 4:56
  Basically
• 4:57
  your
• 4:57
  heart
• 4:57
  rate,
• 4:58
  your
• 4:59
  breathing,
• 5:00
  your
• 5:00
  brain
• 5:01
  activity
• 5:02
  sinks
• 5:03
  in
• 5:04
  to
• 5:04
  the
• 5:04
  rhythm
• 5:04
  of
• 5:05
  those
• 5:05
  people
• 5:05
  that
• 5:05
  you're
• 5:06
  around.
• 5:07
  That's
• 5:07
  why
• 5:08
  it's
• 5:08
  so
• 5:09
  difficult
• 5:09
  if
• 5:09
  you're
• 5:10
  around
• 5:10
  people
• 5:11
  that
• 5:11
  are
• 5:11
  toxic
• 5:12
  because
• 5:13
  eventually
• 5:13
  your
• 5:14
  whole
• 5:14
  body
• 5:15
  starts
• 5:15
  to
• 5:16
  shift,
• 5:16
  you
• 5:16
  don't
• 5:16
  feel
• 5:17
  like
• 5:17
  yourself
• 5:18
  anymore.
• 5:18
  It
• 5:19
  is
• 5:19
  so
• 5:19
  draining
• 5:20
  being
• 5:20
  around
• 5:20
  the
• 5:21
  wrong
• 5:21
  people.
• 5:21
  At
• 5:22
  the
• 5:22
  same
• 5:22
  time,
• 5:23
  when
• 5:23
  you're
• 5:23
  around
• 5:24
  people
• 5:24
  that
• 5:24
  lift
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  up,
• 5:26
  that
• 5:27
  allow
• 5:27
  you
• 5:28
  to
• 5:28
  feel
• 5:28
  better
• 5:29
  within
• 5:29
  yourself,
• 5:31
  that's
• 5:31
  you
• 5:31
  sinking
• 5:32
  in
• 5:32
  with
• 5:32
  them,
• 5:33
  you're
• 5:33
  co
• 5:34
  regulating
• 5:35
  with
• 5:35
  them.
• 5:36
  So
• 5:36
  your
• 5:36
  breathing
• 5:37
  changes,
• 5:38
  your
• 5:39
  heart
• 5:39
  rate
• 5:39
  changes,
• 5:40
  you
• 5:41
  feel
• 5:41
  more
• 5:42
  like
• 5:42
  yourself.
• 5:43
  Our
• 5:43
  nervous
• 5:44
  system
• 5:44
  is
• 5:44
  basically
• 5:45
  reading
• 5:45
  other
• 5:46
  people
• 5:46
  all
• 5:47
  the
• 5:47
  time.
• 5:48
  And
• 5:48
  if
• 5:48
  we
• 5:48
  can
• 5:49
  take
• 5:49
  a
• 5:49
  moment
• 5:49
  to
• 5:50
  always
• 5:50
  feel,
• 5:51
  how
• 5:51
  do
• 5:51
  I
• 5:52
  feel
• 5:52
  after
• 5:52
  being
• 5:52
  around
• 5:53
  this
• 5:53
  person?
• 5:54
  How
• 5:54
  do
• 5:54
  I
• 5:55
  feel
• 5:55
  listening
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  something?
• 5:57
  You
• 5:58
  will
• 5:58
  actually
• 5:58
  notice
• 5:59
  that
• 5:59
  there's
• 6:00
  some
• 6:00
  things
• 6:00
  that
• 6:00
  help
• 6:01
  you
• 6:01
  feel
• 6:01
  better.
• 6:02
  So
• 6:02
  you're
• 6:02
  co
• 6:03
  regulating
• 6:04
  and
• 6:04
  it's
• 6:04
  helping
• 6:05
  you
• 6:05
  get
• 6:05
  into
• 6:06
  that
• 6:06
  nervous
• 6:06
  system
• 6:07
  so
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  you
• 6:08
  can
• 6:08
  then
• 6:09
  become
• 6:10
  lucky,
• 6:11
  you
• 6:11
  can
• 6:12
  then
• 6:12
  take
• 6:12
  actions.
• 6:13
  Or
• 6:14
  are
• 6:14
  you
• 6:14
  around
• 6:15
  people
• 6:15
  that
• 6:16
  close
• 6:16
  you
• 6:16
  in
• 6:17
  create
• 6:17
  fear
• 6:18
  and
• 6:18
  worry.
• 6:19
  So
• 6:19
  the
• 6:19
  people
• 6:19
  around
• 6:20
  you
• 6:20
  actually
• 6:20
  do
• 6:21
  three
• 6:21
  things.
• 6:21
  They
• 6:22
  set
• 6:22
  your
• 6:22
  baseline,
• 6:24
  you're
• 6:24
  co
• 6:24
  regulated
• 6:25
  to
• 6:25
  your
• 6:26
  baseline.
• 6:26
  So
• 6:27
  what
• 6:27
  happens
• 6:27
  is
• 6:28
  your
• 6:28
  nervous
• 6:28
  system
• 6:29
  creates
• 6:30
  this
• 6:30
  benchmark
• 6:32
  because
• 6:32
  everybody
• 6:33
  else
• 6:33
  is
• 6:33
  at
• 6:34
  that
• 6:34
  level.
• 6:35
  So
• 6:35
  then
• 6:35
  you
• 6:36
  can't
• 6:36
  Then
• 6:36
  go
• 6:37
  beyond
• 6:37
  that.
• 6:38
  And
• 6:38
  that
• 6:38
  can
• 6:38
  happen
• 6:39
  in
• 6:39
  family
• 6:40
  situations
• 6:41
  where
• 6:41
  you've
• 6:42
  got
• 6:42
  to
• 6:42
  a
• 6:42
  certain
• 6:42
  level
• 6:43
  and
• 6:43
  then
• 6:43
  you
• 6:43
  can't
• 6:44
  break
• 6:44
  that
• 6:44
  ceiling,
• 6:45
  you
• 6:45
  just
• 6:45
  can't
• 6:46
  get
• 6:46
  further
• 6:46
  through.
• 6:47
  And
• 6:48
  it's
• 6:48
  probably
• 6:48
  because
• 6:49
  there
• 6:49
  is
• 6:49
  some
• 6:49
  sort
• 6:50
  of
• 6:50
  benchmark
• 6:50
  there.
• 6:51
  So
• 6:51
  when
• 6:52
  we
• 6:52
  say
• 6:52
  someone's
• 6:53
  lucky
• 6:54
  is
• 6:54
  because
• 6:55
  their
• 6:55
  nervous
• 6:55
  system
• 6:55
  has
• 6:56
  gone
• 6:56
  beyond
• 6:56
  that.
• 6:57
  They
• 6:58
  haven't
• 6:58
  got
• 6:58
  that
• 6:59
  limit
• 7:00
  put
• 7:00
  in
• 7:00
  place.
• 7:00
  They've
• 7:01
  lifted
• 7:01
  their
• 7:01
  sense
• 7:02
  of
• 7:02
  possibilities
• 7:03
  through
• 7:04
  connecting
• 7:04
  with
• 7:04
  other
• 7:05
  people,
• 7:06
  with
• 7:06
  people
• 7:06
  that
• 7:07
  can
• 7:07
  help
• 7:07
  them
• 7:08
  regulate
• 7:08
  to
• 7:08
  that
• 7:09
  next
• 7:09
  level.
• 7:09
  Luck
• 7:10
  is
• 7:10
  a
• 7:10
  bit
• 7:10
  like
• 7:10
  an
• 7:11
  address,
• 7:11
  and
• 7:12
  it's
• 7:12
  the
• 7:12
  address
• 7:12
  of
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  people
• 7:13
  around
• 7:14
  you
• 7:15
  that
• 7:15
  you're
• 7:15
  sinking
• 7:16
  in
• 7:16
  with.
• 7:16
  This
• 7:17
  is
• 7:17
  so
• 7:17
  important
• 7:18
  to
• 7:18
  recognize
• 7:19
  because
• 7:20
  there
• 7:20
  is
• 7:20
  going
• 7:20
  to
• 7:20
  be
• 7:21
  some
• 7:21
  people
• 7:21
  that
• 7:21
  you
• 7:21
  just
• 7:22
  can't
• 7:22
  take
• 7:23
  some
• 7:24
  people
• 7:24
  to
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  next
• 7:25
  level
• 7:25
  with
• 7:25
  you.
• 7:25
  If
• 7:26
  your
• 7:26
  luck
• 7:26
  is
• 7:27
  bound
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  some
• 7:27
  sort
• 7:28
  of
• 7:28
  community,
• 7:29
  that
• 7:29
  means
• 7:29
  that
• 7:29
  changing
• 7:30
  your
• 7:30
  luck
• 7:31
  means
• 7:32
  changing
• 7:33
  your
• 7:33
  people,
• 7:33
  your
• 7:34
  community
• 7:34
  around
• 7:35
  you.
• 7:35
  And
• 7:35
  that's
• 7:36
  when
• 7:36
  it
• 7:37
  stops
• 7:37
  being
• 7:38
  a
• 7:38
  strategy
• 7:39
  and
• 7:40
  actually
• 7:40
  starts
• 7:41
  connecting
• 7:41
  to
• 7:41
  grief.
• 7:42
  Where
• 7:43
  we
• 7:43
  have
• 7:43
  to
• 7:43
  let
• 7:44
  go
• 7:44
  of
• 7:44
  the
• 7:44
  old
• 7:45
  so
• 7:45
  that
• 7:45
  we
• 7:46
  can
• 7:46
  bring
• 7:46
  in
• 7:46
  the
• 7:46
  new.
• 7:47
  We
• 7:47
  have
• 7:47
  to
• 7:48
  let
• 7:48
  go
• 7:48
  of
• 7:48
  the
• 7:48
  old
• 7:49
  identity
• 7:50
  so
• 7:50
  that
• 7:51
  we
• 7:51
  can
• 7:51
  bring
• 7:51
  in
• 7:51
  the
• 7:52
  new.
• 7:52
  Picture
• 7:52
  it
• 7:53
  say
• 7:53
  if
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  finally
• 7:55
  do
• 7:55
  that
• 7:55
  business
• 7:56
  or
• 7:56
  you
• 7:56
  get
• 7:57
  into
• 7:57
  that
• 7:57
  relationship
• 7:58
  that's
• 7:58
  really
• 7:58
  loving,
• 8:00
  or
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  finally
• 8:01
  get
• 8:01
  that
• 8:01
  pay
• 8:01
  rise
• 8:02
  that
• 8:02
  means
• 8:03
  you're
• 8:03
  earning
• 8:03
  so
• 8:04
  much
• 8:04
  more
• 8:04
  and
• 8:05
  you
• 8:05
  tell
• 8:05
  someone
• 8:06
  and
• 8:06
  then
• 8:07
  there's
• 8:07
  a
• 8:07
  pause.
• 8:08
  It's
• 8:08
  like,
• 8:08
  oh,
• 8:09
  that's
• 8:09
  nice.
• 8:11
  It's
• 8:11
  like
• 8:11
  you
• 8:11
  don't
• 8:11
  fit
• 8:12
  into
• 8:12
  that
• 8:12
  community
• 8:13
  anymore.
• 8:14
  You
• 8:14
  feel
• 8:14
  it,
• 8:14
  don't
• 8:15
  you?
• 8:16
  It's
• 8:16
  like,
• 8:16
  I
• 8:17
  don't
• 8:17
  belong
• 8:17
  here
• 8:17
  anymore.
• 8:18
  And
• 8:18
  that
• 8:19
  is
• 8:19
  not
• 8:19
  in
• 8:19
  your
• 8:20
  head.
• 8:20
  It's
• 8:21
  biology.
• 8:22
  In
• 8:22
  family
• 8:23
  therapy,
• 8:23
  they
• 8:23
  call
• 8:24
  it
• 8:24
  homeostasis.
• 8:25
  A
• 8:25
  system
• 8:26
  wants
• 8:27
  to
• 8:27
  stay
• 8:27
  the
• 8:27
  same.
• 8:28
  So
• 8:28
  when
• 8:28
  one
• 8:29
  person
• 8:30
  starts
• 8:30
  to
• 8:30
  shift,
• 8:31
  the
• 8:31
  system
• 8:31
  pulls
• 8:32
  them
• 8:32
  back
• 8:33
  into
• 8:33
  the
• 8:33
  old
• 8:34
  shape
• 8:34
  to
• 8:34
  keep
• 8:34
  that
• 8:35
  balance.
• 8:36
  It's
• 8:36
  not
• 8:36
  cruelty,
• 8:38
  it's
• 8:38
  a
• 8:38
  system
• 8:38
  defending
• 8:39
  itself.
• 8:40
  And
• 8:40
  sometimes
• 8:40
  it
• 8:41
  can
• 8:41
  be
• 8:41
  one
• 8:41
  person
• 8:42
  and
• 8:42
  then
• 8:42
  another
• 8:43
  person,
• 8:43
  but
• 8:44
  everyone
• 8:44
  gets
• 8:44
  pulled
• 8:45
  back
• 8:46
  and
• 8:46
  it
• 8:46
  can
• 8:47
  feel
• 8:47
  like
• 8:47
  a
• 8:48
  lot.
• 8:48
  Even
• 8:49
  when
• 8:49
  you've
• 8:49
  grown
• 8:50
  up
• 8:50
  in
• 8:50
  a
• 8:50
  space
• 8:51
  where
• 8:51
  it's
• 8:51
  all
• 8:51
  about
• 8:52
  achievement.
• 8:52
  A
• 8:53
  psychologist
• 8:53
  named
• 8:54
  Jennifer
• 8:54
  Crocker
• 8:55
  studied
• 8:56
  where
• 8:56
  we
• 8:56
  hang
• 8:57
  our
• 8:57
  self
• 8:57
  worth.
• 8:58
  And
• 8:58
  one
• 8:58
  of
• 8:58
  the
• 8:58
  most
• 8:59
  common
• 8:59
  places,
• 9:00
  especially
• 9:00
  in
• 9:00
  high
• 9:00
  achieving
• 9:01
  families,
• 9:02
  is
• 9:02
  performance.
• 9:03
  You
• 9:03
  learn
• 9:04
  that
• 9:04
  I
• 9:05
  have
• 9:05
  to
• 9:06
  perform,
• 9:06
  I
• 9:07
  have
• 9:07
  to
• 9:07
  achieve,
• 9:07
  and
• 9:08
  that's
• 9:08
  the
• 9:08
  way
• 9:09
  I
• 9:09
  get
• 9:09
  love.
• 9:10
  It's
• 9:10
  all
• 9:10
  conditional.
• 9:11
  You
• 9:12
  have
• 9:12
  to
• 9:12
  do
• 9:12
  something
• 9:13
  to
• 9:13
  get
• 9:14
  love.
• 9:14
  And
• 9:15
  then
• 9:16
  what
• 9:16
  you
• 9:16
  realize
• 9:17
  if
• 9:17
  you've
• 9:17
  been
• 9:17
  in
• 9:18
  that
• 9:18
  situation
• 9:18
  is
• 9:19
  like,
• 9:19
  love
• 9:19
  is
• 9:20
  contractual.
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  have
• 9:21
  to
• 9:21
  do
• 9:22
  something
• 9:22
  to
• 9:22
  get
• 9:23
  something.
• 9:24
  It's
• 9:24
  like
• 9:24
  a
• 9:24
  give
• 9:25
  and
• 9:25
  Take
• 9:25
  in
• 9:25
  everything
• 9:27
  I
• 9:27
  have
• 9:27
  to.
• 9:27
  Even
• 9:28
  in
• 9:28
  relationships,
• 9:29
  it
• 9:29
  could
• 9:29
  be
• 9:29
  like,
• 9:30
  I
• 9:30
  will
• 9:30
  give
• 9:30
  you
• 9:30
  this
• 9:31
  and
• 9:31
  you
• 9:31
  give
• 9:31
  me
• 9:31
  that.
• 9:32
  So
• 9:32
  then
• 9:32
  when
• 9:32
  you're
• 9:33
  actually
• 9:34
  becoming
• 9:34
  you
• 9:35
  and
• 9:35
  achieving
• 9:36
  more,
• 9:36
  it
• 9:37
  can
• 9:37
  feel
• 9:38
  like
• 9:38
  you're
• 9:38
  breaking
• 9:39
  a
• 9:39
  contract.
• 9:40
  It
• 9:40
  can
• 9:40
  feel
• 9:41
  like
• 9:41
  I
• 9:41
  can't
• 9:41
  move
• 9:42
  forward,
• 9:43
  because
• 9:44
  if
• 9:44
  I
• 9:44
  move
• 9:44
  forward,
• 9:45
  I'm
• 9:45
  breaking
• 9:46
  that
• 9:46
  connection
• 9:47
  to
• 9:47
  that
• 9:47
  old
• 9:47
  community.
• 9:48
  That's
• 9:49
  why
• 9:49
  growth
• 9:50
  can
• 9:51
  feel
• 9:51
  like
• 9:51
  betrayal.
• 9:52
  A
• 9:53
  psychologist
• 9:53
  called
• 9:54
  Lisa
• 9:54
  Miller
• 9:55
  talked
• 9:56
  about
• 9:56
  achieving
• 9:56
  relationships.
• 9:57
  So
• 9:58
  relationships
• 9:58
  where
• 9:58
  you're
• 9:59
  always
• 9:59
  achieving
• 10:00
  something,
• 10:00
  you're
• 10:01
  in
• 10:01
  that
• 10:01
  kind
• 10:01
  of
• 10:01
  dynamic,
• 10:02
  as
• 10:03
  opposed
• 10:03
  to
• 10:03
  awakened
• 10:04
  ones.
• 10:05
  Achieving
• 10:06
  relationships
• 10:06
  are
• 10:07
  transactional.
• 10:07
  Who's
• 10:08
  bigger,
• 10:08
  who's
• 10:08
  smaller,
• 10:09
  who's
• 10:10
  more
• 10:10
  senior,
• 10:10
  who's
• 10:11
  more
• 10:11
  junior,
• 10:12
  and
• 10:12
  what
• 10:12
  can
• 10:12
  you
• 10:12
  do?
• 10:13
  For
• 10:13
  me,
• 10:13
  it's
• 10:14
  always
• 10:14
  that.
• 10:14
  Whereas
• 10:15
  awakened
• 10:16
  relationships
• 10:17
  are
• 10:17
  opposite,
• 10:19
  they
• 10:19
  are
• 10:19
  based
• 10:20
  on
• 10:20
  real
• 10:20
  curiosity,
• 10:22
  like
• 10:23
  being
• 10:23
  actually
• 10:24
  seen,
• 10:25
  seeing
• 10:25
  the
• 10:26
  other
• 10:26
  person.
• 10:28
  And
• 10:28
  the
• 10:28
  interesting
• 10:29
  thing
• 10:29
  is,
• 10:30
  even
• 10:30
  with
• 10:31
  achievement
• 10:31
  relationships,
• 10:32
  what
• 10:33
  they
• 10:33
  really
• 10:33
  want
• 10:34
  deep
• 10:34
  down,
• 10:34
  is
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  be
• 10:35
  seen,
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  be
• 10:36
  heard,
• 10:37
  to
• 10:37
  be
• 10:37
  understood.
• 10:38
  Let's
• 10:38
  face
• 10:38
  it,
• 10:39
  people
• 10:39
  that
• 10:40
  achieve
• 10:40
  something,
• 10:41
  they
• 10:41
  want
• 10:41
  people
• 10:42
  to
• 10:42
  see
• 10:42
  them
• 10:42
  and
• 10:42
  say,
• 10:43
  yes,
• 10:43
  you
• 10:43
  have
• 10:44
  achieved
• 10:44
  something
• 10:44
  and
• 10:45
  you
• 10:45
  are
• 10:45
  doing
• 10:46
  really
• 10:46
  well.
• 10:46
  To
• 10:47
  be
• 10:47
  seen,
• 10:47
  to
• 10:48
  be
• 10:48
  admired,
• 10:49
  to
• 10:49
  be
• 10:50
  loved
• 10:51
  and
• 10:51
  appreciated.
• 10:52
  Whereas
• 10:52
  awakened
• 10:53
  ones
• 10:53
  are
• 10:54
  going
• 10:54
  straight
• 10:54
  to
• 10:55
  what
• 10:55
  it
• 10:55
  is
• 10:55
  that
• 10:55
  we
• 10:55
  want.
• 10:56
  So
• 10:56
  when
• 10:57
  we
• 10:57
  start
• 10:57
  to
• 10:58
  move
• 10:58
  towards
• 10:59
  awakening,
• 11:00
  it's
• 11:00
  quite
• 11:01
  normal
• 11:01
  that
• 11:02
  we
• 11:02
  want
• 11:02
  to
• 11:02
  move
• 11:02
  away
• 11:02
  from
• 11:03
  transitional
• 11:04
  relationships
• 11:05
  where
• 11:05
  it's
• 11:06
  like,
• 11:06
  oh,
• 11:06
  I've
• 11:07
  done
• 11:07
  this
• 11:07
  and
• 11:07
  you've
• 11:07
  done
• 11:08
  this,
• 11:08
  to
• 11:08
  seeing
• 11:09
  and
• 11:09
  being
• 11:10
  yourself
• 11:11
  and
• 11:11
  succeeding
• 11:12
  through
• 11:13
  that.
• 11:13
  So
• 11:14
  then
• 11:14
  belonging
• 11:15
  doesn't
• 11:15
  cost
• 11:16
  you
• 11:17
  your
• 11:17
  success.
• 11:18
  You
• 11:18
  can
• 11:19
  keep
• 11:19
  achieving.
• 11:20
  There's
• 11:21
  no
• 11:21
  limit.
• 11:22
  It's
• 11:22
  like,
• 11:23
  how
• 11:23
  much
• 11:23
  can
• 11:23
  we
• 11:24
  achieve?
• 11:24
  How
• 11:24
  much
• 11:25
  can
• 11:25
  we
• 11:25
  grow?
• 11:26
  Let's
• 11:26
  just
• 11:26
  go
• 11:26
  back
• 11:26
  to
• 11:27
  that
• 11:27
  feeling
• 11:28
  of
• 11:28
  not
• 11:28
  belonging,
• 11:29
  though,
• 11:29
  because
• 11:29
  it
• 11:30
  is
• 11:30
  something
• 11:30
  that
• 11:31
  so
• 11:31
  many
• 11:31
  people
• 11:32
  deal
• 11:32
  with.
• 11:33
  And
• 11:33
  it
• 11:33
  can
• 11:34
  feel
• 11:34
  like
• 11:34
  you're
• 11:34
  that
• 11:35
  black
• 11:35
  sheep.
• 11:35
  Because
• 11:36
  when
• 11:36
  that
• 11:36
  happens,
• 11:37
  we
• 11:37
  do
• 11:38
  feel
• 11:38
  judged,
• 11:39
  and
• 11:39
  it's
• 11:39
  really,
• 11:40
  really
• 11:40
  tough
• 11:40
  to
• 11:40
  get
• 11:41
  through.
• 11:41
  And
• 11:41
  this
• 11:41
  is
• 11:42
  why
• 11:42
  so
• 11:42
  many
• 11:42
  successful
• 11:43
  people
• 11:43
  talk
• 11:43
  about
• 11:44
  if
• 11:44
  you
• 11:44
  want
• 11:45
  success,
• 11:45
  you
• 11:46
  really
• 11:46
  shouldn't
• 11:47
  care
• 11:47
  about
• 11:47
  what
• 11:47
  other
• 11:48
  people
• 11:48
  think.
• 11:49
  It
• 11:49
  literally
• 11:50
  is
• 11:50
  a
• 11:50
  process
• 11:51
  that
• 11:51
  they
• 11:51
  have
• 11:51
  to
• 11:52
  go
• 11:52
  through.
• 11:52
  Belonging
• 11:53
  is
• 11:54
  such
• 11:54
  an
• 11:54
  important
• 11:55
  need
• 11:55
  for
• 11:56
  us
• 11:56
  as
• 11:56
  human
• 11:56
  beings.
• 11:57
  It's
• 11:57
  not
• 11:58
  a
• 11:58
  luxury,
• 11:58
  though.
• 11:59
  So
• 11:59
  how
• 11:59
  do
• 12:00
  we
• 12:00
  navigate
• 12:01
  this?
• 12:01
  Because
• 12:02
  when
• 12:02
  we
• 12:02
  lose
• 12:03
  our
• 12:03
  belonging,
• 12:04
  we
• 12:04
  literally
• 12:05
  feel
• 12:05
  like
• 12:06
  pain.
• 12:07
  Neuroscientists
• 12:08
  have
• 12:08
  watched
• 12:08
  it
• 12:09
  happen
• 12:09
  in
• 12:10
  brain
• 12:10
  scans
• 12:11
  and
• 12:11
  social
• 12:11
  rejection.
• 12:12
  It
• 12:13
  actually
• 12:13
  lights
• 12:14
  up
• 12:14
  the
• 12:14
  same
• 12:15
  regions
• 12:15
  as
• 12:16
  physical
• 12:16
  pain.
• 12:17
  That's
• 12:17
  why
• 12:17
  it
• 12:18
  feels
• 12:18
  like
• 12:19
  physical
• 12:19
  pain
• 12:20
  when
• 12:20
  you're
• 12:20
  going
• 12:20
  through
• 12:21
  that,
• 12:21
  that
• 12:22
  feeling
• 12:23
  of
• 12:23
  not
• 12:23
  belonging
• 12:24
  anymore.
• 12:25
  That's
• 12:25
  why
• 12:25
  if
• 12:26
  you
• 12:26
  go
• 12:26
  into
• 12:27
  work
• 12:27
  and
• 12:27
  you
• 12:28
  don't
• 12:28
  feel
• 12:28
  like
• 12:28
  you
• 12:28
  belong
• 12:29
  it
• 12:29
  feels
• 12:30
  like
• 12:30
  physical
• 12:31
  pain.
• 12:31
  It's
• 12:32
  an
• 12:32
  alarm.
• 12:32
  It's
• 12:33
  an
• 12:33
  ancient
• 12:33
  alarm
• 12:34
  that's
• 12:34
  getting
• 12:34
  triggered.
• 12:35
  And
• 12:35
  there
• 12:36
  is
• 12:36
  something
• 12:36
  in
• 12:37
  psychology
• 12:37
  called
• 12:38
  the
• 12:38
  black
• 12:38
  sheep
• 12:38
  effect.
• 12:39
  When
• 12:39
  there's
• 12:40
  a
• 12:40
  group
• 12:41
  and
• 12:41
  if
• 12:41
  you
• 12:42
  belong
• 12:42
  to
• 12:42
  that
• 12:43
  group,
• 12:43
  you
• 12:43
  get
• 12:44
  judged
• 12:45
  harshly,
• 12:46
  more
• 12:46
  harshly
• 12:47
  than
• 12:47
  anyone
• 12:48
  else
• 12:48
  outside.
• 12:49
  If
• 12:50
  a
• 12:50
  stranger
• 12:50
  does
• 12:51
  it,
• 12:51
  it's
• 12:51
  okay,
• 12:52
  but
• 12:52
  if
• 12:52
  you
• 12:53
  do
• 12:53
  it,
• 12:53
  it's
• 12:54
  like
• 12:54
  you
• 12:54
  bring
• 12:54
  shame
• 12:54
  on
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  family.
• 12:56
  You're
• 12:56
  such
• 12:56
  a
• 12:57
  bad
• 12:57
  person.
• 12:58
  And
• 12:58
  that's
• 12:58
  why
• 12:59
  sometimes
• 13:00
  there's
• 13:00
  things
• 13:01
  that
• 13:02
  happen
• 13:02
  because
• 13:03
  of
• 13:03
  honour
• 13:04
  that
• 13:04
  are
• 13:04
  absolutely
• 13:05
  awful,
• 13:06
  but
• 13:06
  yet
• 13:07
  they
• 13:07
  would
• 13:07
  never
• 13:08
  do
• 13:08
  that
• 13:08
  to
• 13:08
  someone
• 13:09
  outside
• 13:09
  of
• 13:09
  them.
• 13:10
  When
• 13:10
  you
• 13:10
  go
• 13:11
  through
• 13:11
  something
• 13:11
  like
• 13:12
  this,
• 13:12
  it's
• 13:12
  never
• 13:13
  paranoia
• 13:13
  when
• 13:14
  you're
• 13:14
  moving
• 13:15
  beyond
• 13:15
  an
• 13:15
  old
• 13:16
  community.
• 13:16
  It's
• 13:17
  real,
• 13:18
  is
• 13:18
  you're
• 13:18
  really
• 13:19
  picking
• 13:19
  up
• 13:19
  these
• 13:19
  vibes.
• 13:20
  Your
• 13:20
  nervous
• 13:21
  system
• 13:21
  is
• 13:21
  picking
• 13:21
  them
• 13:22
  up.
• 13:22
  I'm
• 13:22
  not
• 13:22
  going
• 13:22
  to
• 13:22
  lie
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  you
• 13:23
  about
• 13:23
  the
• 13:23
  cost
• 13:24
  here,
• 13:24
  but
• 13:24
  the
• 13:25
  truth
• 13:25
  is
• 13:25
  you're
• 13:26
  not
• 13:26
  going
• 13:26
  to
• 13:26
  lose
• 13:26
  everyone.
• 13:27
  There's
• 13:28
  going
• 13:28
  to
• 13:28
  be
• 13:28
  some
• 13:28
  people
• 13:29
  you
• 13:29
  will
• 13:29
  lose,
• 13:30
  but
• 13:30
  not
• 13:31
  everyone
• 13:31
  from
• 13:32
  your
• 13:32
  community.
• 13:33
  But
• 13:33
  there
• 13:33
  is
• 13:33
  going
• 13:33
  to
• 13:34
  be
• 13:34
  discomfort.
• 13:34
  If
• 13:35
  you
• 13:35
  want
• 13:35
  to
• 13:35
  grow
• 13:36
  there.
• 13:36
  That
• 13:36
  feeling
• 13:37
  of
• 13:37
  being
• 13:37
  the
• 13:38
  black
• 13:38
  sheep
• 13:38
  is
• 13:38
  almost
• 13:39
  guaranteed.
• 13:40
  There's
• 13:40
  going
• 13:40
  to
• 13:40
  be
• 13:40
  some
• 13:41
  people,
• 13:41
  though,
• 13:41
  that
• 13:42
  are
• 13:42
  going
• 13:42
  to
• 13:42
  be
• 13:42
  flexible
• 13:43
  enough
• 13:43
  for
• 13:43
  you
• 13:44
  to
• 13:44
  keep
• 13:45
  others.
• 14:13
  No,
• 14:14
  they
• 14:14
  are
• 14:14
  going
• 14:15
  to
• 14:15
  fall
• 14:15
  away.
• 14:15
  I
• 14:16
  also
• 14:16
  want
• 14:16
  to
• 14:16
  say
• 14:17
  that
• 14:17
  that
• 14:17
  feeling
• 14:18
  of
• 14:18
  not
• 14:18
  belonging
• 14:19
  always
• 14:19
  feels
• 14:20
  so
• 14:20
  much
• 14:20
  more
• 14:21
  exaggerated
• 14:22
  in
• 14:22
  our
• 14:22
  head
• 14:23
  than
• 14:23
  it
• 14:23
  actually
• 14:24
  is.
• 14:24
  The
• 14:24
  alarm
• 14:25
  system
• 14:26
  within
• 14:26
  our
• 14:27
  brain
• 14:27
  exaggerates
• 14:28
  it.
• 14:28
  Yes,
• 14:29
  there
• 14:29
  is
• 14:29
  the
• 14:29
  truth,
• 14:30
  but
• 14:30
  that
• 14:31
  it's
• 14:31
  gonna
• 14:31
  be
• 14:32
  gentler
• 14:32
  than
• 14:33
  the
• 14:33
  fear
• 14:33
  that
• 14:34
  is
• 14:34
  created
• 14:35
  in
• 14:35
  our
• 14:35
  own
• 14:36
  mind
• 14:36
  and
• 14:36
  actually
• 14:37
  debilitates
• 14:37
  us
• 14:38
  from
• 14:38
  moving
• 14:38
  forward
• 14:39
  and
• 14:40
  really
• 14:40
  going
• 14:40
  further
• 14:41
  towards
• 14:42
  our
• 14:42
  dreams.
• 14:43
  A
• 14:43
  lot
• 14:43
  of
• 14:43
  the
• 14:43
  time
• 14:43
  what
• 14:44
  we
• 14:44
  think
• 14:44
  is
• 14:45
  we
• 14:45
  need
• 14:45
  to
• 14:45
  change
• 14:45
  our
• 14:46
  vibration,
• 14:47
  our
• 14:47
  frequency.
• 14:48
  Yes,
• 14:48
  all
• 14:48
  those
• 14:48
  things
• 14:49
  happen,
• 14:49
  but
• 14:50
  we
• 14:50
  need
• 14:50
  to
• 14:51
  first
• 14:52
  change
• 14:52
  our
• 14:52
  state,
• 14:53
  our
• 14:53
  nervous
• 14:54
  system
• 14:54
  state,
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  enable
• 14:56
  all
• 14:56
  of
• 14:56
  that
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  happen.
• 14:57
  So
• 14:57
  if
• 14:57
  you
• 14:57
  are
• 14:58
  feeling
• 14:58
  a
• 14:58
  pull
• 14:59
  to
• 14:59
  a
• 14:59
  new
• 14:59
  community
• 15:00
  right
• 15:00
  now,
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  just
• 15:01
  wanna
• 15:01
  really
• 15:01
  make
• 15:02
  that's
• 15:02
  not
• 15:02
  disloyalty,
• 15:03
  that
• 15:04
  is
• 15:04
  you
• 15:05
  becoming
• 15:05
  more
• 15:05
  lucky.
• 15:07
  Widening
• 15:07
  your
• 15:08
  circle
• 15:09
  so
• 15:09
  that
• 15:09
  you
• 15:09
  can
• 15:10
  then
• 15:10
  entrain
• 15:11
  your
• 15:11
  nervous
• 15:11
  system
• 15:12
  to
• 15:13
  a
• 15:13
  different
• 15:13
  group
• 15:14
  of
• 15:14
  people
• 15:14
  so
• 15:15
  that
• 15:15
  it
• 15:15
  can
• 15:15
  open
• 15:15
  up
• 15:16
  new
• 15:16
  possibilities
• 15:17
  and
• 15:17
  opportunities
• 15:18
  for
• 15:18
  you.
• 15:19
  So
• 15:19
  that
• 15:19
  you
• 15:20
  can
• 15:20
  live
• 15:20
  a
• 15:21
  life
• 15:21
  where
• 15:21
  everything
• 15:22
  becomes
• 15:22
  easy.
• 15:23
  So
• 15:23
  now
• 15:23
  let's
• 15:23
  step
• 15:24
  away
• 15:24
  from
• 15:24
  science
• 15:25
  just
• 15:25
  for
• 15:25
  a
• 15:26
  moment
• 15:26
  and
• 15:26
  step
• 15:26
  into
• 15:27
  something
• 15:27
  that's
• 15:28
  older.
• 15:28
  When
• 15:28
  we
• 15:29
  actually
• 15:29
  step
• 15:29
  into
• 15:30
  and
• 15:30
  go
• 15:30
  within
• 15:31
  and
• 15:31
  start
• 15:32
  focusing
• 15:33
  within
• 15:34
  ourself
• 15:34
  and
• 15:34
  healing.
• 15:36
  And
• 15:37
  then
• 15:37
  you
• 15:37
  get
• 15:37
  to
• 15:37
  that
• 15:38
  space
• 15:38
  of
• 15:39
  feeling.
• 15:39
  Yeah,
• 15:40
  there's
• 15:40
  something
• 15:40
  more
• 15:41
  out
• 15:41
  there.
• 15:41
  Maybe
• 15:42
  it's
• 15:42
  your
• 15:42
  meditation
• 15:43
  practice
• 15:44
  or
• 15:44
  maybe
• 15:44
  it's
• 15:45
  your
• 15:45
  Faith,
• 15:45
  you
• 15:46
  just
• 15:46
  feel
• 15:46
  that
• 15:47
  there
• 15:47
  is
• 15:48
  more
• 15:48
  to
• 15:48
  life.
• 15:49
  There
• 15:49
  is
• 15:49
  that
• 15:49
  universe,
• 15:50
  the
• 15:50
  creator,
• 15:51
  God,
• 15:52
  whatever
• 15:52
  it
• 15:52
  is
• 15:52
  that
• 15:52
  you
• 15:53
  believe
• 15:53
  in.
• 15:53
  There's
• 15:54
  like
• 15:54
  this
• 15:54
  sense
• 15:55
  that
• 15:55
  we
• 15:55
  are
• 15:56
  all
• 15:56
  a
• 15:56
  drop
• 15:57
  of
• 15:57
  water
• 15:58
  that
• 15:58
  make
• 15:58
  up
• 15:59
  an
• 15:59
  ocean.
• 16:00
  And
• 16:01
  this
• 16:01
  is
• 16:01
  where
• 16:02
  scriptures
• 16:02
  and
• 16:03
  traditions
• 16:03
  are
• 16:04
  way
• 16:04
  ahead
• 16:05
  of
• 16:05
  the
• 16:05
  science.
• 16:06
  They
• 16:06
  knew
• 16:07
  that
• 16:08
  actually
• 16:08
  becoming
• 16:08
  yourself
• 16:10
  would
• 16:10
  cost
• 16:11
  you
• 16:11
  your
• 16:12
  hometown.
• 16:12
  In
• 16:13
  the
• 16:13
  Gospel
• 16:13
  of
• 16:13
  Mark,
• 16:14
  Jesus
• 16:14
  says,
• 16:15
  prophet
• 16:15
  is
• 16:16
  not
• 16:16
  without
• 16:16
  honor,
• 16:18
  except
• 16:19
  in
• 16:19
  his
• 16:19
  own
• 16:19
  town
• 16:21
  and
• 16:21
  among
• 16:21
  his
• 16:22
  own
• 16:22
  family.
• 16:24
  The
• 16:24
  people
• 16:24
  that
• 16:25
  knew
• 16:25
  the
• 16:25
  old
• 16:25
  you
• 16:26
  will
• 16:26
  struggle
• 16:26
  the
• 16:27
  most
• 16:27
  to
• 16:27
  accept
• 16:27
  who
• 16:28
  you
• 16:28
  are,
• 16:29
  even
• 16:29
  your
• 16:29
  greatness.
• 16:30
  So
• 16:30
  the
• 16:31
  black
• 16:31
  sheep
• 16:32
  effect
• 16:33
  was
• 16:33
  written
• 16:34
  thousands
• 16:34
  of
• 16:34
  years
• 16:35
  ago,
• 16:36
  before
• 16:36
  anyone
• 16:37
  was
• 16:37
  able
• 16:37
  to
• 16:37
  measure
• 16:38
  it
• 16:38
  in
• 16:38
  psychology.
• 16:39
  And
• 16:39
  they
• 16:39
  also
• 16:40
  knew
• 16:40
  the
• 16:40
  medicine
• 16:41
  too.
• 16:41
  In
• 16:42
  the
• 16:42
  Buddhist
• 16:42
  discourses,
• 16:43
  the
• 16:44
  Buddhist
• 16:44
  student
• 16:45
  Ananda
• 16:45
  says
• 16:46
  he
• 16:46
  thinks
• 16:47
  good
• 16:47
  friendship
• 16:48
  is
• 16:49
  half
• 16:49
  of
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  spiritual
• 16:50
  life.
• 16:51
  And
• 16:51
  the
• 16:52
  Buddha
• 16:52
  stops
• 16:53
  him
• 16:53
  and
• 16:53
  says,
• 16:55
  this
• 16:55
  is
• 16:55
  a
• 16:55
  translation.
• 16:57
  Don't
• 16:57
  say
• 16:57
  that,
• 16:58
  Ananda.
• 16:59
  Don't
• 16:59
  say
• 17:00
  that.
• 17:01
  Admirable
• 17:02
  friendship,
• 17:03
  admirable
• 17:04
  companionship,
• 17:05
  admirable
• 17:07
  camaraderie
• 17:08
  is
• 17:08
  actually
• 17:08
  the
• 17:09
  whole
• 17:10
  of
• 17:10
  the
• 17:10
  holy
• 17:11
  life,
• 17:12
  not
• 17:12
  half
• 17:13
  the
• 17:13
  whole.
• 17:14
  The
• 17:15
  right
• 17:15
  people
• 17:16
  aren't
• 17:17
  just
• 17:17
  a
• 17:17
  nice
• 17:17
  to
• 17:18
  have,
• 17:18
  they
• 17:18
  are
• 17:19
  the
• 17:19
  path.
• 17:20
  Actually
• 17:21
  finding
• 17:22
  your
• 17:22
  people
• 17:23
  is
• 17:23
  the
• 17:24
  path.
• 17:24
  That's
• 17:25
  you
• 17:26
  becoming
• 17:27
  lucky.
• 17:28
  And
• 17:28
  it's
• 17:29
  about
• 17:30
  moving
• 17:31
  out
• 17:31
  of
• 17:31
  that.
• 17:32
  Judgment
• 17:32
  is
• 17:33
  so
• 17:33
  important.
• 17:34
  We
• 17:34
  have
• 17:35
  to
• 17:35
  go
• 17:35
  through
• 17:36
  judgment
• 17:37
  to
• 17:37
  get
• 17:38
  to
• 17:38
  the
• 17:38
  other
• 17:38
  end
• 17:39
  and
• 17:39
  actually
• 17:40
  heal
• 17:40
  from
• 17:40
  it.
• 17:41
  There's
• 17:41
  a
• 17:41
  Buddhist
• 17:42
  image
• 17:42
  of
• 17:42
  the
• 17:42
  eight
• 17:43
  worldly
• 17:43
  winds,
• 17:44
  pleasure
• 17:45
  and
• 17:45
  pain,
• 17:45
  gain
• 17:45
  and
• 17:46
  loss,
• 17:46
  praise
• 17:47
  and
• 17:47
  blame.
• 17:48
  And
• 17:48
  the
• 17:48
  teaching
• 17:49
  is
• 17:49
  simple.
• 17:49
  As
• 17:50
  long
• 17:50
  as
• 17:50
  praise
• 17:50
  keeps
• 17:51
  lifting
• 17:51
  us
• 17:51
  up,
• 17:52
  then
• 17:53
  blame
• 17:53
  is
• 17:53
  going
• 17:53
  to
• 17:53
  flatten
• 17:54
  us.
• 17:54
  It's
• 17:55
  still
• 17:55
  having
• 17:55
  control
• 17:56
  over
• 17:56
  us.
• 17:57
  We
• 17:57
  need
• 17:57
  to
• 17:57
  go
• 17:58
  beyond
• 17:59
  either.
• 18:00
  We
• 18:00
  need
• 18:00
  to
• 18:00
  go
• 18:01
  beyond
• 18:02
  pain
• 18:02
  and
• 18:02
  pleasure.
• 18:03
  We
• 18:03
  need
• 18:03
  to
• 18:03
  go
• 18:03
  beyond
• 18:04
  of
• 18:04
  judgment.
• 18:06
  That's
• 18:06
  what
• 18:06
  it's
• 18:07
  teaching
• 18:07
  us
• 18:08
  is
• 18:08
  acceptance
• 18:09
  and
• 18:09
  love
• 18:09
  of
• 18:10
  ourself,
• 18:11
  no
• 18:11
  matter
• 18:11
  what.
• 18:12
  And
• 18:12
  here's
• 18:12
  the
• 18:12
  quiet
• 18:13
  truth
• 18:13
  that's
• 18:14
  holding
• 18:14
  this
• 18:14
  whole
• 18:14
  episode
• 18:15
  together.
• 18:15
  All
• 18:16
  this
• 18:16
  research
• 18:17
  is
• 18:18
  really
• 18:19
  looking
• 18:19
  at
• 18:19
  belonging.
• 18:20
  Underneath
• 18:21
  all
• 18:21
  of
• 18:21
  that
• 18:22
  is
• 18:23
  the
• 18:23
  fear
• 18:23
  of
• 18:23
  judgment
• 18:26
  and
• 18:26
  having
• 18:27
  to
• 18:27
  actually
• 18:27
  face
• 18:28
  that
• 18:28
  fear
• 18:28
  of
• 18:29
  being
• 18:29
  judged
• 18:30
  so
• 18:30
  that
• 18:30
  you
• 18:31
  can
• 18:31
  walk
• 18:32
  beyond
• 18:32
  that
• 18:33
  into
• 18:34
  your
• 18:35
  greatness,
• 18:35
  into
• 18:36
  opportunities,
• 18:37
  into
• 18:38
  being
• 18:38
  you,
• 18:39
  and
• 18:39
  going
• 18:40
  beyond
• 18:40
  that
• 18:41
  group
• 18:42
  that
• 18:42
  you
• 18:42
  started
• 18:43
  in.
• 18:43
  So
• 18:43
  before
• 18:44
  you
• 18:44
  go,
• 18:45
  let's
• 18:45
  not
• 18:45
  just
• 18:45
  consider
• 18:46
  these
• 18:47
  aspects.
• 18:47
  Let's
• 18:47
  give
• 18:48
  you
• 18:48
  five
• 18:48
  specific
• 18:49
  steps
• 18:49
  that
• 18:50
  you
• 18:50
  can
• 18:50
  integrate.
• 18:51
  Right
• 18:51
  now,
• 18:51
  number
• 18:52
  one
• 18:52
  is
• 18:52
  all
• 18:52
  about
• 18:53
  integration.
• 18:53
  Let's
• 18:54
  name
• 18:54
  it.
• 18:54
  First,
• 18:55
  face
• 18:55
  it.
• 18:56
  If
• 18:56
  you
• 18:56
  have
• 18:56
  been
• 18:56
  called
• 18:57
  the
• 18:57
  black
• 18:57
  sheep,
• 18:58
  if
• 18:58
  you
• 18:58
  are
• 18:58
  limiting
• 18:59
  yourself
• 19:00
  because
• 19:00
  deep
• 19:00
  down
• 19:01
  somewhere
• 19:02
  you
• 19:02
  still
• 19:03
  want
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  belong
• 19:03
  to
• 19:04
  an
• 19:04
  old
• 19:04
  group,
• 19:05
  there's
• 19:05
  nothing
• 19:06
  wrong
• 19:06
  with
• 19:06
  that.
• 19:07
  It's
• 19:07
  an
• 19:07
  old
• 19:07
  alarm
• 19:08
  system
• 19:08
  that's
• 19:09
  keeping
• 19:09
  you
• 19:09
  there.
• 19:10
  Please
• 19:10
  don't
• 19:11
  judge
• 19:11
  yourself.
• 19:11
  Please
• 19:12
  don't
• 19:12
  get
• 19:12
  upset
• 19:12
  with
• 19:12
  yourself.
• 19:13
  Just
• 19:13
  name
• 19:14
  it
• 19:15
  and
• 19:15
  know
• 19:15
  that
• 19:16
  even
• 19:16
  though
• 19:16
  the
• 19:16
  alarm's
• 19:17
  going
• 19:17
  off,
• 19:17
  it's
• 19:18
  not
• 19:18
  a
• 19:18
  verdict.
• 19:19
  It's
• 19:19
  not
• 19:19
  the
• 19:19
  end.
• 19:19
  It's
• 19:20
  not
• 19:20
  that
• 19:20
  you
• 19:20
  can't
• 19:20
  move
• 19:20
  through
• 19:21
  it.
• 19:21
  Second
• 19:22
  is
• 19:22
  reconnect.
• 19:23
  Take
• 19:23
  a
• 19:23
  moment
• 19:24
  to
• 19:24
  really
• 19:25
  connect
• 19:26
  back
• 19:26
  to
• 19:26
  yourself.
• 19:27
  The
• 19:28
  real
• 19:28
  you,
• 19:30
  the
• 19:30
  one
• 19:30
  that
• 19:30
  can
• 19:31
  go
• 19:31
  beyond
• 19:32
  all
• 19:32
  of
• 19:32
  these
• 19:33
  ceilings
• 19:34
  that
• 19:34
  have
• 19:34
  been
• 19:34
  created,
• 19:36
  the
• 19:36
  ones
• 19:36
  that
• 19:36
  can
• 19:36
  go
• 19:36
  beyond
• 19:37
  the
• 19:37
  judgment
• 19:38
  of
• 19:38
  others.
• 19:40
  And
• 19:40
  take
• 19:41
  a
• 19:41
  moment
• 19:41
  to
• 19:41
  really
• 19:42
  connect
• 19:42
  with
• 19:42
  your
• 19:43
  people.
• 19:44
  Even
• 19:44
  if
• 19:45
  you
• 19:45
  have
• 19:45
  to
• 19:46
  take
• 19:46
  a
• 19:46
  moment
• 19:47
  to
• 19:47
  close
• 19:47
  your
• 19:47
  eyes
• 19:48
  and
• 19:48
  imagine
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  you're
• 19:50
  sitting
• 19:50
  at
• 19:50
  a
• 19:50
  table
• 19:51
  with
• 19:52
  an
• 19:53
  Ascended
• 19:53
  Master
• 19:54
  that
• 19:54
  helps
• 19:54
  you
• 19:55
  and
• 19:55
  believes
• 19:55
  in
• 19:56
  you,
• 19:56
  you're
• 19:57
  connecting
• 19:58
  with
• 19:58
  that
• 19:58
  next
• 19:59
  level
• 19:59
  that
• 20:00
  goes
• 20:00
  beyond
• 20:00
  any
• 20:01
  limits
• 20:02
  of
• 20:03
  where
• 20:03
  you
• 20:03
  grew
• 20:04
  up
• 20:04
  or
• 20:05
  the
• 20:05
  community
• 20:06
  that
• 20:06
  you're
• 20:06
  currently
• 20:07
  in.
• 20:07
  It
• 20:07
  goes
• 20:08
  beyond
• 20:08
  judgment
• 20:09
  that
• 20:10
  there's
• 20:10
  so
• 20:10
  much
• 20:10
  love
• 20:11
  and
• 20:11
  acceptance
• 20:11
  for
• 20:12
  you.
• 20:12
  Or
• 20:12
  find
• 20:13
  your
• 20:13
  people.
• 20:14
  Spend
• 20:14
  time
• 20:15
  with
• 20:15
  those
• 20:15
  people.
• 20:16
  Thirdly,
• 20:16
  decide.
• 20:17
  Decide
• 20:18
  what
• 20:18
  it
• 20:18
  is
• 20:19
  that
• 20:19
  you
• 20:19
  truly
• 20:20
  want.
• 20:21
  Not
• 20:21
  what
• 20:21
  other
• 20:21
  people
• 20:22
  expect
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  to
• 20:22
  be,
• 20:23
  but
• 20:23
  who
• 20:24
  you
• 20:24
  truly
• 20:24
  want
• 20:25
  to
• 20:25
  be.
• 20:25
  What
• 20:26
  is
• 20:26
  it
• 20:26
  that
• 20:26
  you
• 20:26
  truly
• 20:27
  want?
• 20:27
  What
• 20:27
  are
• 20:28
  your
• 20:28
  desires?
• 20:29
  Those
• 20:29
  are
• 20:30
  not
• 20:30
  just
• 20:31
  random
• 20:31
  desires.
• 20:33
  And
• 20:34
  if
• 20:34
  you
• 20:34
  feel
• 20:34
  like,
• 20:34
  oh,
• 20:35
  maybe
• 20:35
  I'm
• 20:36
  expecting
• 20:36
  too
• 20:36
  much,
• 20:37
  I'm
• 20:37
  just
• 20:37
  so
• 20:37
  greedy.
• 20:38
  No,
• 20:38
  that's
• 20:39
  a
• 20:39
  judgment.
• 20:40
  That's
• 20:40
  a
• 20:40
  limit
• 20:41
  from
• 20:41
  your
• 20:42
  community.
• 20:43
  That's
• 20:43
  not
• 20:43
  what
• 20:44
  you're
• 20:44
  about.
• 20:45
  You
• 20:45
  should.
• 20:46
  If
• 20:46
  you've
• 20:47
  got
• 20:47
  a
• 20:47
  desire,
• 20:48
  that
• 20:48
  desire
• 20:49
  is
• 20:49
  from
• 20:49
  the
• 20:49
  Creator,
• 20:50
  you're
• 20:51
  supposed
• 20:51
  to
• 20:51
  actually
• 20:52
  fulfill
• 20:52
  it.
• 20:52
  It's
• 20:53
  yours
• 20:53
  to
• 20:54
  have.
• 20:54
  Fourthly,
• 20:55
  become.
• 20:56
  Take
• 20:56
  that
• 20:56
  action.
• 20:58
  Do
• 20:58
  something.
• 20:59
  Decide
• 20:59
  and
• 21:00
  take
• 21:00
  an
• 21:00
  action.
• 21:01
  Put
• 21:02
  yourself
• 21:02
  in
• 21:02
  an
• 21:02
  opportunity
• 21:04
  where
• 21:04
  you
• 21:04
  can
• 21:05
  achieve
• 21:05
  it.
• 21:05
  And
• 21:06
  it
• 21:06
  doesn't
• 21:06
  matter.
• 21:06
  Opportunities
• 21:07
  are
• 21:07
  not
• 21:08
  about
• 21:08
  whether
• 21:09
  you
• 21:09
  achieve
• 21:09
  it
• 21:09
  or
• 21:10
  not.
• 21:10
  It's
• 21:10
  the
• 21:11
  opportunity
• 21:12
  that
• 21:12
  you're
• 21:12
  taking
• 21:13
  and
• 21:13
  then
• 21:14
  five.
• 21:14
  Be
• 21:15
  present.
• 21:16
  Come
• 21:16
  into
• 21:17
  the
• 21:17
  now.
• 21:18
  Open
• 21:18
  your
• 21:18
  eyes
• 21:19
  and
• 21:19
  see
• 21:20
  what
• 21:20
  is
• 21:20
  available.
• 21:21
  What
• 21:21
  can
• 21:21
  I
• 21:22
  do
• 21:22
  right
• 21:23
  now?
• 21:24
  Come
• 21:24
  into
• 21:24
  your
• 21:25
  presence,
• 21:26
  that
• 21:26
  powerful
• 21:27
  presence
• 21:27
  that
• 21:28
  is
• 21:28
  within
• 21:28
  you.
• 21:28
  So
• 21:29
  no,
• 21:29
  luck
• 21:30
  isn't
• 21:31
  something
• 21:31
  that
• 21:31
  is
• 21:32
  just
• 21:32
  for
• 21:33
  some
• 21:33
  people
• 21:33
  and
• 21:33
  not
• 21:34
  for
• 21:34
  you.
• 21:34
  You
• 21:35
  get
• 21:35
  it
• 21:35
  by
• 21:35
  becoming
• 21:36
  the
• 21:36
  kind
• 21:36
  of
• 21:36
  person
• 21:37
  that
• 21:37
  goes
• 21:37
  beyond
• 21:38
  the
• 21:39
  limits
• 21:39
  that
• 21:39
  have
• 21:39
  been
• 21:39
  placed
• 21:40
  on
• 21:40
  you
• 21:40
  by
• 21:41
  the
• 21:41
  type
• 21:41
  of
• 21:42
  upbringing
• 21:43
  that
• 21:43
  you
• 21:43
  had,
• 21:44
  the
• 21:44
  people
• 21:45
  that
• 21:45
  you've
• 21:45
  synced
• 21:46
  in
• 21:46
  with.
• 21:46
  And
• 21:47
  yes,
• 21:47
  there
• 21:47
  is
• 21:48
  a
• 21:48
  real
• 21:49
  ache,
• 21:49
  there
• 21:49
  is
• 21:50
  a
• 21:50
  real
• 21:50
  pain
• 21:51
  that
• 21:51
  you
• 21:51
  have
• 21:51
  to
• 21:52
  go
• 21:52
  through
• 21:53
  to
• 21:53
  get
• 21:53
  through
• 21:54
  that
• 21:55
  pain,
• 21:55
  that
• 21:56
  barrier,
• 21:56
  that
• 21:57
  belonging.
• 21:58
  So
• 21:58
  wanting
• 21:59
  to
• 21:59
  be
• 21:59
  around
• 21:59
  new
• 22:00
  people
• 22:01
  and
• 22:01
  wanting
• 22:01
  to
• 22:02
  connect
• 22:02
  with
• 22:02
  new
• 22:03
  people
• 22:03
  is
• 22:04
  not
• 22:04
  a
• 22:04
  betrayal,
• 22:05
  is
• 22:05
  the
• 22:05
  most
• 22:06
  natural
• 22:07
  thing
• 22:07
  that
• 22:08
  we're
• 22:08
  all
• 22:08
  supposed
• 22:09
  to
• 22:09
  do.
• 22:09
  It's
• 22:10
  part
• 22:10
  of
• 22:11
  evolution.
• 22:11
  It's
• 22:12
  so
• 22:12
  important.
• 22:13
  It's
• 22:13
  just
• 22:14
  you
• 22:14
  starting
• 22:15
  over,
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  being
• 22:16
  you,
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  more
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  of
• 22:18
  you
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  coming
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  to
• 22:20
  yourself.
• 22:20
  And
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  if
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  with
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  you,
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  please
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  do
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  like
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  Subscribe
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  what
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  is
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  resonating
• 22:29
  and
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  what
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  it
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  that
• 22:30
  you
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  want
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• 22:31
  And
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  do
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• 22:35
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• 22:38
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• 22:39
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• 22:40
  Sending
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  you
• 22:41
  so
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  much
• 22:41
  love.
• 22:41
  Till
• 22:42
  next
• 22:42
  time.