Latest / Two Tools, No Clue / M2 Reddit Stories
Transcript
- Jey & Anna: Hey everyone, welcome to the Two Tools No Clue podcast. I'm Anna. And I'm Jeiden. And today we're doing a Minisode! Mini, mini, but so great. That was beautiful. Thank you. We're going to be talking about homesteadish Reddit stories. I'm very excited. I also have not heard these stories yet. So my enthusiasm will be for all of us. Yes. I I guess we'll jump right into it. Yeah, let's go for it. Yeah. So this is from username Worf Years ago, when we grew Christmas trees for retail sale, a guy and his wife were arguing if the tree should go on the roof or in the back seat, trunk of the car. She said roof. He said seat. They're really going at it and he insists on putting it in the car. After more noise and swearing, she proclaims the door isn't going to He, fuming, comes over to her side and slams the door. I still wonder if insurance paid for a new window. They drove away with it hanging out the broken window, leaving the mess for us to clean up. Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho. I can't imagine being those people who work there having to witness that. You know, you think you've seen it all and then you work retail. I learned that recently. Even on the tree farms. Yeah. Like what? It's fresh. You should always listen to your wife. Yeah. Is the moral of this story. That is a good moral of the story. This one is from username walkaboutfarms. Sitting in the porch night and I'm reading these just how they are. So sitting in the porch one night ⁓ and I hear an awful scream from Hank our barn cat to my wife. I think the coyotes got Hank. Then I saw what I thought was Hank hightailing it across the yard. What I figured out. I added a new hot fence wire closer to the ground earlier that day and Hank walked under it and his tail touched the wire and lit him up. My wife and I let out a chuckle, but am sure Hank was not amused. Still better than getting eaten by a coyote. Yeah, true. Hank lived to the tale, you know? He's like, these motherfuckers set my tail on fire last night. This reminded me of this one time I went to a Waldorf school. And so I was invited over to one of my classmates and Waldorf bunch of crunchy people. So of course they lived on a farm. Yeah. And I had a blast. We were like walking around looking at the pigs, the goats, like literally all day just outside doing farm stuff. That's really cool. We were in the garden. And for some reason, I knew her mom had told us not to go over there, but it was like at the beginning of the day. And this is at the end of the day. Yeah. You're like, I'm going to go over. Yeah, we're gonna go check this out now. I've earned my keep. I'm gonna go. What's over there that you don't want us to Yeah. So we went over there and all of sudden my feet just started burning. Like electric fire on the bottoms of my feet. Yeah. We were both, it was both of us. were screaming. No, we were barefoot. Of course she was barefoot. And so... Her mom comes running. No, her mom or her dad, I can't remember. One of them comes running over and like picks us up out of this patch. Apparently there was like why like wire fence. And that's why they didn't want us going over there. And that was the last time I went over to that girl's house. Bring your kid like going to pick up your kid and being like, yeah, don't worry about their feet. Yeah, there's I have to ask my mom what that conversation was. was like if she even remembers it. And I didn't listen. Sound about right. I just remember like us sitting in the laundry room or something and her mom like dabbing something on our feet. Yeah, it was not fun. Anywho, this next one is from username SpaceAngel2001. I love the variety of these. Yeah, it's a very 2001 Worf username too get it together. Get it together. I think these people have it very together. Oh, yeah. So she says or they say, I don't know who they are. I was given a farm tour. Our cattle are quite docile, even the bull. So I took this young man into the pasture to feed the beaves. Maybe that's a kind of cow. We can feed them bananas and veggies given to us by a local grocer and the cows are enjoying getting scratched and hugs. After that, I went to the fence and grabbed the cow chow bucket to dump into their bunker. As I stood by the bunker, my friend asked me some question I don't remember, but apparently my answer was not fast enough. A very friendly cow came up behind me and stuck her head under my bum and tossed me. I flew higher than a cow and about 12 feet away. When you fall in a cow pasture, the law is that wherever you land, it will be in a cow pie. Yeah. The poo cushioned my fall but did nothing to soothe my battered ego. in front of some random kid too. A whole tour. I mean, I guess at least it wasn't one of them. And the smell of cow poop just being all over you. I feel like I could deal with the fact that it was all over me just because it is cow poop and it's just grass and hay and stuff like that. That is not like, it's not dead animal parasites. It could be worse. It's just vegetation mixed with stomach acid and bile. Could be worse. Your face. We'll just move on then. This one's from... Wow! Are you judging me? Sorry. This is one... I lost it! I I did! I'm just picturing like... There's like a scene from movie and this guy just like comes and he's covered and it's like... Even he wipes it off it still just it like stains him. What movie? I don't know and it's I'm just... It'll come me don't worry. Go ahead. Sorry. This one's username only underscore caterpillar3818. And they have two very small stories. It's okay My brother filled his lawnmower tires to 35 psi. That's what it says on the sidewall Well, it actually said never exceed 35 psi when seeding beads, I don't know what that means either seeding beads 20 minutes later, we were working on something else and boom! My older brother was wearing overalls and being a clown and he decides to put his arms inside his overalls by his side and starts yelling, I'm the no armed man and chasing me around the barn. I watched him trip and face plant on the gravel because he couldn't catch himself from falling. feel like every single person has done something ridiculous like that at one point. Yeah, absolutely. Like just literally I remember like I would like put my hands through my shorts and be like did you ever do that thing where you took your sweatshirt and you put your legs through the armholes? want to do that again. Just to recreate those memories. I feel like it wouldn't be safe for us. Not at this age. My knees crack when I stand. Okay? Like just standing. You'd pull your back out. Yeah. ⁓ have to bring me to the hospital just like that. Yeah. And then explain the situation. They'd have to cut you out of the sweatshirt Because I'd be passed out. You come to like what happened? is from username targetgoldengoose. and this is a this is a long one, but a good one. I'm excited. I'm here for a goose. Once upon a time. ⁓ That's how starts. So, you know, it's good. Once upon a I decided getting peacocks was a great idea. The thought of majestic and beautiful peacocks gracing my lawn was very becoming to me. Little did I know they are seriously lacking in the brain capacity. I also want to say that even though I own chickens, ducks, and other various animals, I live in a very urban area with neighbors close by. So the peacocks started thinking that the peak of my house was a fantastic place to start roosting at night. No big deal. I thought it was pretty nice to see them all lined up at night on top of my house, like some Sentinel watching over our homestead until night we had a really big boy peacock named King Tut. ⁓ King Tut. He thought that roosting in the tree right above my house was the idea of the century. He got his leg. caught in a Y bend of a tree limb, the limb cracked under his weight and pinched his leg and skin, which made him sound like a screaming woman getting ran over by a big Mack truck right outside my window. I'm dressed in a nightgown. I didn't change but put on a pair of my husband's big old galoshes and climbed on top of the house to rescue my peacock from the threatening tree. I get to the top of my house and my peacock is upside down flapping his wings making all sorts of threatening and pathetic noises when one of his legs reared up and catches me right in the nose. I feel like they have like talons. ⁓ yeah. All sorts of confetti and blood starts coming out of my nose and I see the equivalent of a disco ball in my eyes that I didn't realize that there was a high powered flashlight aimed at myself standing on the top part of my house holding a very angry and struggling Peacock. Ma'am, what are you doing? A very nervous cop asks. Unbeknownst to me, I have a squad car parked in my driveway. Trying to rescue my peacock, me covered with blood from my aching nose. We got a call that someone was trying to break into this house. Do you happen to have any ID on you? I let go of the peacock and with one hand I actually padded myself to see if I had one in my nightgown and galoshes. Nope, sorry, I don't. Ma'am, what are you doing again? I'm trying to rescue my peacock. And then I try to explain what's going on when he interrupts me and says, did you get them from a zoo? of course not. This is my house and this is my dumbass. This dumbass is my peacock. Can you please knock on the door and get my husband out here? He'll vouch for me that I live here and I'm not a burglar. At this time, a second squad car comes up and they're trying to get my husband to the door. So yay me, I get another flashlight aimed at me. I can't even imagine how I look. Wild hair in a nightgown with rubber boots, dirty, covered in blood, holding and fighting with a very large angry bird and standing on the roof of my house. Why are they not helping her? Can you help me down, please? So finally they get him awake. He comes out. The cops explain why they are here. He steps back to see me on top of the house. Me. Hi honey, him, he sighs, yes, she's mine. then walks back into the house without saying another word. ⁓ cops all shake their heads, ⁓ to help get me down, which I decline and said, well, you have a nice night. And they all leave, ⁓ ⁓ now try me rude, I would probably do the same thing. I'd be like, no, what? Yeah. I have another one of these and one for like a Halloween one just because I like want to get some backed up and this I think is one of the best ones. is I, peacocks are very beautiful but I could never imagine being like you know what I want for a pet. Yeah they must be very high maintenance. Yeah they're huge. Yeah. Male or female, they're both huge. That was a good one. This one's from username PaperPonies. Well, here's one of this is a good one, too. I live right across the road from a large cemetery. There are often burials, slash graveyard funeral services. My fence is hardly 50 to 75 feet from where the cemetery begins. I have a standard donkey, Sully, who is very people, people oriented. He loves to be pet, played with, and gets incredibly jealous if attention isn't on him at all times. I also have a horse with a very similar personality, Axe, so it's always a little competition between them on who gets the attention, to the point where if I'm handling one, I have to tie the other just to stay out from under us. Even though they bicker, they're very attached to one another. So typically when there's a graveside funeral, I gather the horses slash goats and put them all in the pen behind the house out of sight. This is partly so they don't gather at the fence line to the service and partly so people don't go pet my horses afterwards because one of them bites ⁓ parentheses, people approach them all the time. on to the embarrassing part. What people are so stupid. I know. Leave people's stuff alone. Terrified, especially their animals. I horses are beautiful, but I would never try to pet one. I mean, I would, but I wouldn't not if I didn't know. people. Anyway, on to the embarrassing part. this one particular day I got home from work and saw that a graveside funeral was going on right along the road area. Two of my horses and all the goats were by the house munching hay, but Sully and Axe were attending this funeral and boy could they not stand not being included. Their chests were practically touching the fence. So I went outside and stood by the other horses, hoping they'd see me and come down the hill to the pen, about a hundred of open land. Axe sees me and of course, nays and trots down the hill. It was a little embarrassing that he neighed, but no big deal. I put him in the pen with the others and expected Sully, the donkey, to come as well, but he didn't. This is where it got really embarrassing. Sully, having spotted me giving Axe attention. ⁓ and having been abandoned by Axe to start crying by braying loudly right in front of this poor group of people in the middle of the service. ⁓ subsequently neighed with the decibels of a freight train horn. I expected Sully to come down the hill, but he had no such plans. He decided braying as ferociously as his little lungs could would be his best option. This is where I started cringing. ⁓ Axe then freaked out that Sully wasn't coming, so he neighed once more and of course Sully brayed slash whined in response. I almost died right then and there embarrassment. Axe wouldn't go up the hill and Sully wouldn't leave the funeral and come down, so they were just screaming at each other at football's field's length apart. ⁓ decided to go get Sully, even though it was super mortifying to walk up on these people's funeral service. I grabbed a halter and a lead and marched up the hill. As I was coming over the biggest terrace, Sully brayed at me and I just wanted to crawl in a hole. Except I heard people laughing, like deep belly laughing. I was probably a hundred feet away from the funeral and they were mostly turned away but people kept turning around to look at us and they were definitely losing it laughing or laugh crying I couldn't tell. I haltered Sully and dragged his ass down the hill as quickly as I could. I hoped to everything that the funeral attendees weren't upset by the braying slash neighing of their extra funeral guests. So glad they were laughing and not angry in the moment. That's a good sign at least. The cemetery committee texts me when there's going to be a service now, per my request. That's really thoughtful of her, honestly. can't imagine the things that she must see just from funeral services. Yeah. I'm sure that, you know, definitely changes her perspective for a lot of things. I would love to live in a farm next to a graveyard. you kidding me? as silly as being embarrassing. I mean, if I those funeral guests, I would be I would appreciate comedic relief. Yeah. Of the moment. Stevie would literally bark nonstop. See, that's different. That's like a dog barking. That's just like noise, but like farm animals, like screaming at you. That's, that's like a light moment. they can't hang Yeah. Like I would think that's funny in a moment of sadness. Yeah. I think I would appreciate it. This next one is from username Northwestgiraffe. My first run of ducklings, I thought buying a steel stock tank would be a good idea. It was the same size as a bathtub and I had plenty of room for all of them to run around without being crowded. Plus it looked nice for pictures and we could have it set up inside the house in the spare bath. It would be close by and easy to care for without having to go outside or to worry about predators at night. And then night came. No predators, but the ducklings transformed into a band of 16 of the tiniest and loudest steel drummers. All night. every night the bathroom right next to my bed. ⁓ was a long time before they were big enough to move outside and we could finally get some sleep. Good for them though to like keep them there. would be like, nope, we're figuring something else out tomorrow. The tank will be made into a pond filter this spring to grow aquatic plants instead. Next batch of ducklings will go and rubber made bins on the other side of the house. That's what I love about homesteading It's all about learning. It's all about adapting, doing better the next year. Like I'm so excited for our garden just because I know we're gonna do better this year than we did next year or last year. And we're gonna do better next year than we did this year. This is from username sorry, r underscore weebs. Today I stopped off at the five acres of raw land in rural Colorado that I'm hoping to close on this week. Backstory on the area is that land is cheap, but development has become increasingly in an already harsh environment. Septics need engineering, wells have to be deep, et cetera. Many areas, including this plot and its neighbors, are off-grid. As a result, there are RVs and trailers on prairie land everywhere that people full-time in. It's easy to see that the no camping for more than two weeks rule goes widely unenforced. We had a survey done, so I was marking the corners on my phone when I met my new neighbor. This old-timer has been there since the early 90s, according to public record, and has built a house and barn for horses on 15 acres. Frankly, it's a cool spread and I was looking forward to meeting him and picking his brain on how he made the area work for him. The conversation was unfortunately standoffish. The first thing he asked was if I was looking at buying. The second thing he said was that if I tried to put a trailer RV there, he'd drag every public official he could find down to make me move it. Not a great start. Reminds me of our neighbor. When we first moved into our house and Christopher put his tiny home in the back lot, his tiny home is like a storage container, like an old Italian storage container. so this guy has 60 acres of land behind us and he has a trail walking through it. So he's walking his dog one day and he sees this storage container. so he literally just walks up to our property. Thank God Christopher was home. So it wasn't super sketchy. So he walks up and Christopher, Christopher pops out of his tiny home and he's like, Hey, and he's like, ⁓ I was just coming to see because the people who were here before you had like a bunch of rundown cars and like shit they were working on. And I just didn't know if you guys were doing the same thing. And Christopher like explained to him that he said it was his workshop. Yeah, we, we don't have any of those things on our property. And it is weird that he just popped up because We live on like what four acres and we also live in the middle of the woods. We're not like it's not. I mean, we have neighbors. We're not like in the. Yeah, we have neighbors, but like our driveway is long. Yeah. People don't just appear He came from the backyard. Anyway, I just that just made me think doesn't stroll anymore. He definitely had like a path through the properties that, you know, for who knows how long. Like all three of us bought those houses within a matter of months of each other. Yeah. And so he probably was just walking around doing whatever he wanted. And then one day people showed up and were like, Hi, you can't be here. Yeah. This is ours because I wander. Yeah. Anyway. ⁓ He proceeds to tell me that the land I'm buying wasn't worth it and that he was thinking of moving because of all the liberals and commies that are taking over Colorado. You think if he was thinking of selling, he'd be happy that the lot next door was overpriced. Yeah. I reassured him of my long-term goals, parentheses build my own house, and tried to guide the conversation towards what developing the land was like, et cetera, but He was only interested in telling me what he wanted me to know and then walked off. What can I do as a future neighbor? Has anything worked for you when you were the unwelcome new kid on the block? I don't want to feel limited on my land or on edge because of a nosy neighbor. So username Farmof5 responded, some folks out here assumed the worst of us because other idiotic city people had already moved out here and caused problems. So why would we be any different? Seriously, one couple threatened to sue a neighboring farmer for spraying fertilizer, parentheses pig poo, on his corn farm once a year because it smells bad for three days. Mind you, this is after the sheriff refused to arrest the farmer for farming. Don't get me started. People like that are crazy. Yeah, like what are you doing out in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, literally. If you don't want to live in farm country, don't live in farm country. Go back to the city. the heck? Anyway. Make your new neighbors cookies slash pies slash whatever. The key is homemade shows you're serious. Write a handwritten note introducing yourself and include in there what you're looking forward to learning about ⁓ X, ⁓ Y or Z hope will be willing to share their wisdom with you. The key is handwritten shows you're sincere. Always wave while driving and say hello at every chance. Once we establish a bit of rapport, We asked folks for stuff like the history of the area. What's the best place to get groceries, gas, get stuff for the farm, where to go to church, et cetera. It's good information gathering and they feel like they helped you so it's a win all around. Make sure you have ample time though. Some of them can and will talk for hours. Some folks warmed up to us faster than others. Some clearly think we're idiots for doing things certain ways but are polite about it. Even those people would help in an emergency though. Long story short, people already established in an area, city or country really are concerned about someone new coming in and causing trouble. Once you show them that you're interested in adapting or assimilating to the community, they will warm up to you. I just thought those were really like good points. Cause like in this, in today's day and age, I'm like, how do you get to know your neighbor? Like if you're an extrovert, you can show up with cookies and stuff, but like, I'm not gonna do, I'm not just gonna knock on my neighbor's door and be like, I baked you these. Hope you don't have any allergies. Either way, I'd feel weird about it. So I thought these other were like waving and... If you see them just asking them simple questions like that. Yeah. And I know if my neighbors came running down the road being like, we need help, like help, help, help. Like I would, I would do my best to help. Yeah. I mean, the neighbors down the road, their house burned down and we didn't even know. All right. So for the farmers almanac. I realized that I wasn't doing it correctly because I wasn't doing it for the days that the episode released yeah, the days that we record Now we know yeah So and this is we were recording this after we recorded the maple syrup episode So we're even though this is only the second episode We're gonna figure it out We're two tools, no clue. Zero. We're doing our best. I think we're doing great. Anyway, today should be March 19th. The day this comes out. Thursday, March 19th. Let's hope that's correct. And if it is. don't know how she reads this thing from here. literally looks like hieroglyphics. It literally is hieroglyphics. ⁓ that's that's exactly what it is. There are symbols that I have to match up. So apparently the moon is in conjunction with Neptune ⁓ Saturn. That sounds a little intense. Yeah, it does. And that's all. That's all folks. That's all. Thanks for listening to me read Reddit stories. Yeah, those were really funny. I still can't believe that peacock story, but I just I understand. You know. Like all the responses like the police are probably that police station probably still talks about probably to this day, yeah. Like, I just think it's funny that they didn't even ask if she was OK, they just asked if she got them at at zoo. She was bleeding too. ⁓ Like they're just so like, they literally forgot all of their response techniques. You know, they were literally just like, Where did you get it? Like we need backup. Someone else. Well, we hope you enjoyed them. We love you guys. Yeah, we'll see you soon. See you next time. Next week we will see you. Yes, we will. We will see you next week, right? Well, technically I guess they'll see Ya Bye. Bye. ⁓