Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 165. Jealousy, Triggers & Truth: The Real Conversation No One Wants to Have

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165. Jealousy, Triggers & Truth: The Real Conversation No One Wants to Have · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogia Production. Welcome to the she Rises podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to another episode of she Rerads this podcast. Thanks for
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: joining us wherever you are in the world, whatever time it.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Is, on your way to work, or wherever you're listening
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: to this in the gym. Bucklin. We've got a really
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: good episode today. It's a topic that I really don't
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: hear many people talk about. It's all about jealousy. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: how it can really consume your life, really impact your relationships,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: how you show up. I find it one of the
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: lowest vibrational feelings, Like when I feel jealous, I find
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: it very uncomfortable. But we're also going to talk about
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: how we work through it, what jealousy actually means, and
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: what it's highlighting for you, and how to not let
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: it ruin your day, ruin your relationships or your friendships
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: yet or your friendships.
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  Speaker 2: You know, there's this really unhealthy way that people are
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: talking about jealousy on social media, and it's like you'll
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: see somebody pop up on the screen and be like,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: I would never be friends with someone who's jealous, and
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  Speaker 2: I'm just like, fuck, that's so emotionally unintelligent to say.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, you're not human.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you never feel jealous, but it's just it's ego.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: It's an ego response. And don't get me wrong, there's
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: a degree of this that is true. If somebody in
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: your life is jealous of you to a degree where
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: it's starting to impact.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Your relationships, how they communicate with you.
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  Speaker 2: Communicate if they're not being very nice to you, don't celebrate,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: you have little digs at you, like when it starts
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: to vest it into something like that.
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  Speaker 1: Totally valid.
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  Speaker 2: But we are all human and we all experience jealousy
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  Speaker 2: to some degree based on our desires, what we want
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: and what we think somebody has that we want. You know,
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  Speaker 2: jealousy is simply just a deep rooted desire of something
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  Speaker 2: you want.
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  Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is. And that's what we wanted
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  Speaker 1: to bring up first, Like, what is jealousy. When you
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: feel jealous of something, it is highlighting something that you want,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: whether you're jealous one that has money, or you're jealous
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  Speaker 1: because there's a pretty woman walking past your man, or
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  Speaker 1: she's got a low cut top, whatever it is, it's
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: something that activates within you because you're like, I want
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: that thing, and that's okay, that's normal, that's human. There's
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: not a reason to attack someone or to put them
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: down or to be nasty to them. It's just actually
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: going within and be like, Okay, what's this bring up
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: for me? Like, take a big breath, check where your
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: nervous system's at. Are you in green zone? Red zone?
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  Speaker 1: Probably red zone? Bring it back down and be like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: I think I want that. I'm wanting more money. I'm
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: wanting to be able to wear a low cut top
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  Speaker 1: and not feel slutty. I'm wanting to feel more pretty.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I wanting to feel more feminine. I'm wanting my business
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: to be more successful. Okay, what am I doing about that? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Is there anything I can do about that? Right now?
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  Speaker 1: What steps do I take?
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  Speaker 2: This is such a beautiful way to fast track the
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: jealousy because normally, like without self awareness, jealousy is a
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  Speaker 2: really hard thing to do.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, it's consuming.
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  Speaker 2: The feeling of jealousy is disgusting to hold, like it's
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: a lot to hold.
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  Speaker 1: It really is.
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  Speaker 2: It can be quite overwhelming, it's confronting, can last weeks.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: You likely want to run from it. I know in
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: the past, when I felt jealousy or I've seen it
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: on social media and i'd scroll past let's say, like
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: a woman who had like a relationship that I wanted,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: or the lifestyle that I wanted, money or whatever, I
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: would look at that and I'd be like, oh, scroll faster, faster,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: or like I'd put my phone because I would try
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: so hard to avoid what it was evoking in me,
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  Speaker 2: because it was so uncomfortable to deal with.
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  Speaker 1: Did you believe that you couldn't get that or achieve that?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I think at the time I wasn't fully aware.
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  Speaker 2: I wasn't even at that point avoid just avoid it.
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  Speaker 2: Just it felt so uncomfortable to hold. I didn't even
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: want to face it. And then when I started to
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: do a little bit more of this work and learn
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  Speaker 2: more about myself, I was like, oh, Okay, I need
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  Speaker 2: to sit with that, because the more that I run
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  Speaker 2: from that feeling the further away my desire is going
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  Speaker 2: to get Yeah, because I started to judge people who
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: had the things that I wanted.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's easy to start putting them down, to
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  Speaker 1: bring them down because you're feeling low. You want to
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: bring them down to where you're feeling. That's right, because
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: this is what happens. Right.
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  Speaker 2: I got triggered by somebody and I was jealous. I
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: got triggered. But instead of dealing with that trigger and
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: taking accountability for it, being like, oh cool, like this
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  Speaker 2: is just something that I want, I immediately went to projection.
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  Speaker 2: So I felt triggered, and then because I didn't want
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: to take accountability for it, I pushed it onto somebody else. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: well now this is your problem. Now you were the problem.
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  Speaker 2: Now I'm going to point the finger at you and
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  Speaker 2: pick apart your character or yeah you're not that pretty anyway.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Or like you're not that smart anyway.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: You know, just started to get out in this real
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: unhealthy projection way of like all of this negative energy
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  Speaker 2: guilty of an arn't we And yeah, it's so easy
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  Speaker 2: to do.
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  Speaker 1: What's the situation you've done that? In most like, what
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: would be the most prominent thing for you, I think
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  Speaker 1: you would get jealous of and then projects, I've definitely
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: got mine money, money, okay, money, tell us about that.
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  Speaker 2: Because there was a time of my life where I
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: wanted all these big things and I had the big
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: dream of mindset and I was the ideas girl where
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I thought about all these ideas but I never executed anything.
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  Speaker 2: And so in that time of my life, I would
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  Speaker 2: see women on social media, but the goal felt so
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  Speaker 2: far away from me, and because the goal felt so
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  Speaker 2: far away, it like immediately made me feel defeated. And
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: then I would, you know, judge and be like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: they're probably not even that deep, or they're.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Probably not even like yeah, you know.
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  Speaker 2: But it was just because I wanted more money than
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: what I was currently doing or currently working for. But
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  Speaker 2: at the time when I was feeling jealous, I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: willing to take accountability for the fact that I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: actually taking action. That's a hard thing to get to
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  Speaker 2: one hundred percent. In my head, I was doing all
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  Speaker 2: the things. I was working on my business, and I
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: was showing up every day and I was doing all
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: the things, but you bet the income didn't reflect that
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: because I wasn't actually doing it, and I think that
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: is where the accountability comes in, of sitting with the
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable feeling of like, Okay, what is it that I'm
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  Speaker 2: currently not doing that I could be doing that will
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  Speaker 2: inevitably get me to that goal.
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  Speaker 1: The projections are interesting too, with the money stuff too,
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  Speaker 1: because I remember I used to look at people with
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  Speaker 1: money and I'd want it to and get jealous, and
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  Speaker 1: I used to make up stories. But oh, they've just
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  Speaker 1: been given it. It's easier for them. It's easy for
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  Speaker 1: they're just so greedy, Like when's enough enough yes to
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  Speaker 1: keep rubbing it in my face? Oh my gosh.
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  Speaker 2: Or they had help or they have like ten years,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: whether the business experience has helped them get so quickly.
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  Speaker 1: You're just projecting and trying to bring them down because
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  Speaker 1: you feel like shins that have been like okay, in reality,
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  Speaker 1: you have no idea how long they've worked for. You
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  Speaker 1: have no idea what they've been given or not been given.
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  Speaker 1: You have no idea the risks have taken, the money
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  Speaker 1: they've lost, how many times they've failed. You have no
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  Speaker 1: idea of any.
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  Speaker 2: Of that, Like how many times they showed up in
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  Speaker 2: the moments where they didn't want.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: To show up or didn't believe in themselves, but they
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  Speaker 1: still did it. Yeah, so many cool things like that
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  Speaker 1: to reflect on. Isn't that funny?
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  Speaker 2: Like how much we tried to make ourselves superior in
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: the moment when we feel jealous, Because that's what it
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  Speaker 2: is like for me, at least for me. Every time
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  Speaker 2: that I felt jealousy, I immediately feel inferior. Oh I'm
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: not as good, I'm not good enough. Something about them
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  Speaker 2: is superior than me. So I tried to like fill
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  Speaker 2: the gap in the inferiority and feeling superior again. Whereas
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: now just being able to see it so neutrally and
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  Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it doesn't feel good when I feel
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  Speaker 2: it still couldn't patch it though, Oh definitely I can
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  Speaker 2: clock it now because I just I focus on the desire.
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  Speaker 2: I don't focus on sitting in the jealousy or ruminating
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  Speaker 2: you fucking bitch for having this How I'm like, no,
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  Speaker 2: when I see a woman who's done that, I'm like
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  Speaker 2: you fucking hustled?
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  Speaker 1: What a machine like? Go you power? How can it
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: worked hard? Inspired by it?
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  Speaker 2: But because I chose to see it as inspiration instead
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: of competition. Yes, and so now when I see it,
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, cool, I'm triggered at this. Okay, what
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  Speaker 2: about this is triggering me? What is the actual outcome
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: or the desire that I want? And okay, cool, what's
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: one small step that I could take even today that
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: would get me one step close to that goal? Because
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: the moment that I'm in action, I'm not thinking about
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  Speaker 2: the comparison.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Back in your own body and your own mission. I'm
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: in the doing.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Because I'm in the doing, I'm not talking or
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: thinking about it.
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  Speaker 1: I found too when I used to get jealous of
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: like other business owners and look at their success too,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I would then ask my question too, like I'm jealous,
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  Speaker 1: I want it? Do I also want the sacrifice they've made?
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: And that would make me reflect and be like, yeah,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: they shiny things look nice and their life looks nice,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: but is that truly the most important thing to me?
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And sometimes that would dissolve a lot of my jealousy too,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, well, I don't actually want to be
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: working sixteen hour days like they are. Yes, I'm choosing
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: my piece over here. I want to switch my focus.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: That's a very powerful question. Yeah, but it takes that
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: self when and just to get a little bit more
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: curious and where it's coming from. Mine was around people
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: that were sexually embodied. Yes, oh she's so slutty. This
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: is the kind of comments I would say in my head,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: never out loud. Yeah she looks so slutty. Why is
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: she wearing that glow cut top? She wants attention, she's insecure,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: she's so stuck up validation, or she loves herself. And
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: now I'm like, yeah, she loves herself. How fucking beautiful.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I wish all women would love themselves that much they
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: feel confident to wear that. I hope my daughter and
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I won't always feel like that, confident to wear what
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: makes me feel good. I don't get triggered by that anymore,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: or if I ever do, I'm like, oh my, go
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: long on the marror. You're not feeling good. Yeah, what's
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: coming out for here?
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Right now?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: It's all you. This has nothing to do with that.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: That's a projection's art. It's got nothing to do with
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: the other person, and it's all to do with what's
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: going on internally. But it was so cool to come
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: out the other side of that of feeling so triggered
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: by women that wore certain things, or danced or moved
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: or even spoke a certain way and use certain language.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I used to just feel so rattled by the way
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: that speak, and now I'm just like, oh my gosh,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: it feels so different, and I speak like that now,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: and I triggered people, But I'm like, what's coming up
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about this transition between when you're feeling
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: so triggered all the time about something that you want,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: but it's demobilizing. You're like, I can't even look at this.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I can't look at that person. They'ressing me off. The
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: transition between that moment and then the leg on the
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: other side where you feel relief.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, how do we get there? Fuck? I
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: don't know how have you gotten there? When I first
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: got with Steve, he was a personal trainer. Yeah, it
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: would fuck me up. How jealous i'd be with his
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: female client. I would, honestly, I take my don't handle it.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I couldn't do it. I could not handle They would
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: send him like bomb shots and photos and their g
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: strings and like, look at my progress. I'm like, I
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: get that. I fucking hated it. I was the most jealous,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: insecure nineteen year old I probably ever come across. Oh,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I don't blame you. That would be hard, really hard.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: But like now, I honestly I could put Steve in
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a room full of strippers and I'm like, ah, yet
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm fine. Does not bother me? Say
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: with like keus to go to a Bucks? Ten years ago,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I would be so jealous. Good luck. Now I'm like,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: tell me the funny stories something what happened? Yes, yeah,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I just it would not bother me. But it's one
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: thing that's got nothing to do with Steve. He's a
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: man of integrity anyway, and he's very respectful of me.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: But it came down to the beliefs I had in
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: myself and the box that i'd put in in how
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: insecure I felt within my body. It was all my stuff.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: So it definitely was not an overnight transition. It took
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: years of work of nervous system regulation to be calm
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: in my own body. I feel like I'm a very
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: self aware person. I'm constantly reflecting back in the mirror
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: to what's coming up for me and digging deeper and
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: getting so much more curious and asking myself more questions.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: You'll always get the answers and answer within you. You've
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: just got to be brave enough to face that messiness.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: And it was really confronting to be like, oh my gosh,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I'm jealous of this woman because of X y Z.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Because I've told myself to be loved and accepted, I
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: have to be this certain way. Maybe that's not the truth.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: What happens if I lean a little bit more over here?
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Oh it feels uncomfortable, edgy, but I'm gonna in any way. Yeah,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: and see what happens.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So say in one of those moments, say like back
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: then when you were with Steve and you were starting
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: to become more self aware, what would a moment like
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: that look like when you got triggered and you would
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: try to process yourself out of that into a better headspace.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: It was nervous system regulation.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I think for a lot of the time I would
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: be busy and distract myself, which I wouldn't advise everyone
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: to do, but I think in the transition stage it
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: was good because keeping myself busy or going for a
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: walk and distracting myself would regulate me. Yes, So I
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: started to build my toolbox, and exercise is one of
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: those things where I could actually take a fucking breath, Like,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: what's the actual truth here? Is he flirting? Is he
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: encouraging this or is that just his job? Yes, he's
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: not in control of his clients sending him these photos,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: so I would have to have a lot of internal conversations.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: But distracting myself with exercise and being busy just gave
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: me a moment to just breathe and get more on
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: my body, to be able to see things from a
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: different lens. Was when I didn't have those tools. There
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: was no other lens. There's no lens. It was fire.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It was fire, it was black or white. This is
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: how it is. This is just it. It's the rumors red.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because will go off from like seven mescals.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And we always talk about too, when you've got a
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: story about someone or something like, you'll continue to hunt
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: for evidence and you'll fucking find it. We've been talking
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: about this a lot lately. Yeah, like if you believe,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: if you truly believe something, you will find any piece
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: of evidence. But oh, yep, there it is. He's doing that,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: she's doing that. This is happening, and it's like, that's
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: not the actual fucking truth. You're just creating that.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Reality, and the story gets bigger, manifest tests, and it
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: just comes this big thing in your head when in
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: reality it's not.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's why, like we said it in a
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: couple of episodes ago, like I wish I had all
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: the information I have now about nervous system regulation because
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: that transition would have been a lot quicker if I
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: had learned these tools earlier. I think I would have
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: saved a lot of arguments, sorry Steve, a lot of projections,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: a lot of anger, a lot of dysregulation, a lot
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: of like back and forth. Yeah, and just like damaging
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: my relationship with him.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: The nitpicking, the back and forth, the little slack stabs, yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: the daggers.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: The passive a g. I just remember feeling so activated
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: and fiery, and nothing he could say or do would
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: have made me feel better because I was so dysregulated,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: and it would consume me and I would bring it
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: up over and over and over and again every time,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: especially how he felt every time he's going to work.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: He's like, fuck I do with this? Yeah? Yeah, But
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: jealousy can be so demobilizing, Like it really can raddle
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: you and destroy everything in your life because it's all
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: you think about, and it's consuming, but we can utilize
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: it to make really positive change and really get clear
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: on what it is at wanting. If you're that activated
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: by a sexual woman, I guarantee you have suppressed your
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: sexual energy hands down. If you are that activated and
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: triggered by someone really successful with money or having a
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: really beautiful relationship, that desire is so fucking deep for you,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and you want it so badly, and maybe you have
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: a limiting belief that you can't achieve it, and that's
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: why you're like butting heads with yourself. You feel so
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: frustrated and so angry, and then you project it out.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Just take a minute, just fucking breathe, get out a
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: journal and write down everything. Yeah, what it is your wanting,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: what's making you angry, and start to unpack that. And
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: when you think you've dug deep, like go more, spend
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: another five minutes. I like that. Get deeper and deeper.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: The answers are within you.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: I like what you said then, too, actually, because that's
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: how I felt. When I felt jealous that other women
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: had been more successful than me, it was because I
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: thought I couldn't get there.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: There was no room for your own abuse saying yeah.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: If this person is successful, it means that I can't be.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: You know, it was almost like they had already taken the.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Role because they were ahead of you. You felt like
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: you were always playing catch up. Yes, like I was
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: a Chian now.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: A part of me was like, oh, maybe I actually
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: can't achieve this, Maybe I actually can't do this. But
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: it wasn't that that was actually true. That was a
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: story and the evidence that I was looking for, right,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: like we were talking about that was just a story
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: in my head that was getting bigger and bigger. But
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: it wasn't until I actually started to change my behavior
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: and start to build something of my own did I
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: build enough evidence of like, oh, what.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Do you mean Tianni can do this? Yeah, of course
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: you can. And also paying attention to.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: What my goals and desires were like when you said,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: not comparing to what everybody else is doing, but actually
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: checking in with myself, Okay, what does success look like
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: to me?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: True? Right, it's an individual journey. You might not want
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: their success. No, It's like, you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Know, there are a different levels to what people are
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: doing and choosing, But is that actually a heart desire
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: or is that just an excuse for.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: You, is that your ego?
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Is that your ego saying oh I want a big
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: thing because it's there, But you know, do you actually
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: genuinely want that? In a deep down this element of
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: like bypassing all of the triggers. When it comes to
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: success and wanting materialistic things, it's so easy to skip
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: the trigger part and just go straight into action. You
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: can do that, but in an intimate relationship, I feel
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: like there's almost like a different way to approach it,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: you know, because when it comes to an intimate relationship,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: if you are feeling triggered about your partner and other women,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: then it's the internal of like, okay, this is a
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: self worth thing as opposed to a physical desire. You know.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: I had a friend there that I didn't tell you
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: the other day. She brought up the comparison that means
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: you get online because I always get compared to and
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: like how you're the pretty one and the younger one
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: or whatever. And it was a really cool moment for me.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: What I mean, it is true, but that's okay age
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: you are younger and pretty young. But she said to me, like,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: do you get jealous of her? And I said yes
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: and no. Yes in the sense of like, of course
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: she's gorgeous, but maybe five years ago it would have
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: been really hard for me. But now, just because you're pretty,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean I'm not pretty in my own way.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And yes, being beautiful is something we value. I'm getting
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: surgery in February. I want to be pretty. I like
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: bring makeup. I wear fake tan each week. Yes, I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: care about what I like. Yeah, but it's not a
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: competition to the point where someone says, oh, your podcast
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: host is the pretty one. I'm like, yeah, I know.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: It's not a jealousy of oh that makes me shit
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: or makes me ugly, or makes me any less than you.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, I can feel jealous of how
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: gorgeous you are. Every time you walk in the car,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, can you fucking not it
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: looks amazing. It doesn't take away from the love I
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: have for me. So jealousy is still going to exist
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: within all of us. It doesn't just go away because
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: you've done this work. But it also can get to
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: a point where it doesn't demobilize you or ruin friendships
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: or destroy your relationships or make you feel less than
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I think both can coexist because yes, I'm jealous of you,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I'm jealous of makes you. I'm jealous of all my
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: friends that are gorgeous, But I'm like, it doesn't take
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: away from me anymore. Does that make sense? Yes, It's
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: just a really cool conversation to have because I was like,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: far out, I've come far with that, but I wanted
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: to talk about that because if you feel jealous of
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: your friends, their success, their looks, their relationship, whatever, you
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: can feel like that, but it also doesn't take away
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: from who you are and you have and what you want.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, I think this is a powerful conversation to
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: have because it shows what having a regulated nervous system does. Yes,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Like you know, in comparison to like twenty years ago,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: maybe that would have looked differently from where you're at
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: now and how you take accountability and state that you
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: live in day to day is a much more grounded
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: place and you can hold it.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Better and I can also bring it to you and
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: say it and it doesn't mean anything, which I think
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: years ago I've even been able to admit that I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: was jealous because that would feel like, I don't know,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: like I'm wrong or wrong. I feel like we can
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: openly say or if you get a Sunday, were you like,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: I'm going to lay in bed a day? I'm fucking
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: jealous of that. Yes, I could do that. I was
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: going to know.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's interesting what you said because we can
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: bring it in.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, we resolve it too.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Before when I used to feel jealousy, I used to
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: think I can't let anybody see me in this right,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like if they think this of me,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: they're going to think I'm a bad friend. They're going
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: to think that, you know, I want to take away
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: what's theirs like bad intent? Like bad intent almost. It's
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: interesting because something came up for me with you, and
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: we spoke about this where there was a moment where we.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Were looking out to get on different podcasts.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, and there was this one moment where our producer
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, yes, like Ashly, this person wants you
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: on the podcast not as a duo. And my own
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: stuff and my own wound of like not feeling important
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: enough kind of came up in that moment. And it's
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: not that it had anything to do with our friendship
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: or ash or my love for Ashy. It was just
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: in that moment I was like, Oh, I don't feel
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: important in this moment, And so it was like that
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: jealousy coming up of like, oh, wow, she's an important
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: person that people want to communicate with and want to
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: interview and stuff, and I love that for you, and
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I've always been so like, celebrate you in all of
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: your business. And then also in that moment that came
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: up for me. But the way that I would have
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: handled that same thing five years ago very different, Yeah,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: because I would have made that into a.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Problem and then I've created a distance in us.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Made it about the friendship or like projected not being
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: able to take accountability for it. Yeah. I would have
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: even made it mean that there was something wrong with me.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And it was cool because it was almost a
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: moment of the opposite because you brought it in. It
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: got to bring closeness. And then I think I brought
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: in something where I felt jealous of something. It was like, yeah,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: my gosh, we're both feeling exactly the same thing. It
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: just looks different and we're just like. It brought us
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: even closer because we got to hold each other in it,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: see each other in it, and reassure each other in it. Yes,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: and then it didn't have to mean anything. Yes, mean anything. Safety, safety, like.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Being able to bring anything in. And also as well,
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I think we have like an unspoken agreement or maybe
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: spoken over the years where we don't take things personally. No,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: we're like, oh no, like something's coming up for you,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: like bring it in, I can hold this for you,
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: and vice versa. And so jealousy shows up in different
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: ways for different and yet like what you said about
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: the freedom thing about you, you want to go lay in.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Bed, Yeah, like dating movies good for your humor into
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: it as well, not to put Tiana down or make
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: you feel bad for laying in bed. I'm like I
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: try and say that to like, Oh my god, if
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I was in your position, I'd be doing the same thing.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: You live that lot one hundred percent.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Like you can dissolve it by being seen in it.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: You've got to be brave to be seen in it.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: You can bring humor into it, and you can also
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: not make it bigger than what it needs to be. Yes,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: let it be there. It's another emotion, just like happy, sad, frustrated.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Jealousy is something we're all going to experience. Taj just
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: experienced it at the moment as a parent, it's really
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: interesting to see how it comes up. And I'm so gratefully,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: so emotionally intelligent, but he literally will voice and say,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I'm so jealous of Tala because she gets so much
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: more attention, and in the moment as a mom, my
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: heart broken to a million pieces. And then I looked
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: at him, I said, you're right, she does. She is younger,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: she's so loud, because he said, oh, she just dances
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: and she's so funny and she does this silly stuff
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: and you guys just love her all the whole time,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: and you know, their personalities are total abslorse, quiet and
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: gentle and just the sweetheart. And she's like, fuck is
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: look at me? Like you know, she'll be dude and
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: lift her leg up and be like, look at my
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: dance move and he will. She'll be so loud and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: she's not afraid to take up space, so naturally she
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: does get more attention, and being younger, she obviously needs
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: our eyes on her. But it was super cool to
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: acknowledge his jealous and be like, you're so right, I
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: feel you and his attention something you wanted more of.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, you'll cry about him like, So
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: to Steve when he went to bed, I'm like, Okay,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: we're going to have to have more one on time
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: with him. I'm going to take him to Yochi tomorrow night.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: You're going to go do something with him on the
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: weekend and day to day We're going to make sure
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: we have more intentional time with him. And it was
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: so cool, like, I'm so glad he felt comfortable to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: bring that in. Didn't have to make a big deal
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: about it. You want more of it, And I joked,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I said, I love attention. Tar loves attention. Auntie, Tata
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: loves it.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: We do Daddy not as much. Yeah, that's what he said.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: Steve was like, I feel you. I always want more
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: attention off mummy. And that was a cool conversation too,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: because it's been something Steve's voice lately. Yeah, I want
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: more of.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: You any Tata is getting too much of mummy.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: But it's like that jealousy of wanting more of someone
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: and wanting more attention. Just once again, let it be seen. Yeah,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: dissolve it together, doesn't have to mean anything, and work
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: on it together.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, this conversation is so freeing to even just voice
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: out loud.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Feels our vibes right now. Oh, isn't it beautiful to
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: talk about it?
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: It's so beautiful and it just removes any shame that's
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: around jealousy, having any shame because jealousy there is a
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: lot of shame around it, and we so much for it,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and it doesn't make you a bad person for feeling it.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: And I think the more safe that you feel with
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: people to bring it in and be like, Hey, even
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: if you don't normally have conversations like this, Hey, I
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: want to bring something in to you. I'm really going
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: to need you to hold the space for me, and
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I want you to know, please don't take this personally,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: but I need you to.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Hold me in this.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Can you do that for me? This is going to
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: be different than what we normally do. But I want
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: to voice something and I'm going to sit here and
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take accountability for it and it's not
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: about you, but I just want to voice it so
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: that it is heard.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: That's cool. That is a game changer.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: It's a situation you can think of in my last relationship,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I used to voice to him that I was jealousy
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: and I started.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: To bring it in a playful. Oh I love this.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: It softens them, it does. I don't feel criticized or attacked.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: No, absolutely, So there were I mean there were a
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: multitude occasions where I brought this in because I'm just
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: a jealous human. Like when I am in a relationship,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: that is my man, that is my fish. Don't touch
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: my fucking fish. Okay, fish to say this is my fish,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: that's my fish. Back off and off, back off. And
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I was starting to feel jealous because he was doing
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: a project for an app that he was building, and
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: you know, around the time that it came to filming,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: there was like a male part and then a female part,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: and because of that, I just naturally assumed, you know,
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: because I'm his partner, that he would want me to
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: film the female side. But what happened was he ended
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: up hiring a model to do it instead, and then
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: he filmed himself as the male And there was a
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: reason for this, like there was a story behind that,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: but anyway, I ended up bringing it into him and
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: being like, I'm just feeling a little bit jealous with
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: this cute puppy.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Dont eye feel like this cute little like baby.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling a little bit jealous, Yeah, and I need
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: some love. And I brought it in like that because
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I had thought about it, I'd sat with it.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I realized that there were some things coming up for
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: me around just other women chosen.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, other women being in the picture, dealing with my
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: partner at the time, constantly being surrounded by women in
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: the workplace, women in training.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: You're not feeling chosen too.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there were some deeper things I didn't feel chosen
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: in the relationship. So it was making me feel more
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: anxious and more that other women around me were a threat.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, that was the way that I kind
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: of brought it in. But I really tried my best
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: to bring it in in a way that was one
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: really playful where I didn't blame him or assume that
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: he was automatically doing something wrong by me, not assuming
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: the worst, not assuming the worst, but just being like, hey,
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I really need some reassurance here, like can you please
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: give it to me? But I did it in like
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: a little puppy dog, cute, little kid's little voice, And
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: he laughed with me about it, and he was just like,
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, you're so fucking cute, Like yeah, and
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: just like brought me in and hugged me and was
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: like no, like you're it, like you know and all
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: of the things, and reassured me in the way that
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: I needed to in the moment. And that in itself
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: has changed the way that I talk about jealousy even
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: when I do it in our friendship, the way that
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: we've brought in playfulness when it comes to other friends,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: because you know, both us girls are territorial over each other.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Whenever I say, like my other best friends, She's like,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what did you say? You said that?
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: It training the other day to George, I was like,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: your are the best friend.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you had other friends or to go
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: for a walk. She's like, oh, yeah, I went for
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: a walk with this person. I'm like, who, Or did
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: you have fun? Did you had someone you had a
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: good time? Is she funny? Three hours? You had it?
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Break? We had it?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: It's just it's just so fun. It's all so shame
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: and especially for us both we're big on fomo with
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: each other though with each other, and so yeah, I'm
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: just having this conversation. Bringing the lightheartedness, the playfulness really
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: allows us to remove the shame. Yeah, not feel guilty,
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: bad or wrong or like there's something wrong with us
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: because of it, And now we do it even more
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: so we ampered up in each other.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, even if it's not that big, we'll make it
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: big just to have a laugh. Yeah, fucking fun because
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: it's funny.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we were training and stretching with our train at
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: George and she's like, oh, yeah, you know, just went
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: to my best friend of twenty years wedding. I'm like,
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: you're best friend of twenty years. Yeah, I'm the only
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: best friend you know full well, knowing loving Chezy and
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: loving your relationship and your best friends you've had for
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: a long time. It doesn't take away from our friends, No,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: just bore comedy into it. But because we can be
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: playful about it exactly, I think maybe as well. Years
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: ago I would have been like insecure or been like, oh,
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: friendship's not as deep.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, what does that mean about it? No longer,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: which I just like me as much, loves her more.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: That's not even a thought in my mind because we
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: bring it in and it dissolves immediately.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so called. It was such a big game
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: changer for me because there's not often I get jealous
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: of Steve with women anymore. I realize it's that many
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: scenarios for me to get jealous of because he doesn't
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: trained with anyone anymore. But I remember there was something
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I made us wanted more attention. I was jealous that
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: he had not jealous what's a jealous right word? That
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: he was giving so much attention to work, But I
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: tried that playfulness. I was like, I'm just feeling a
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: little bit left out and I want some love and
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I need some to LC because I'm having a really
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: hard week. And just like played this poor little me
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: victim and same thing. He's like, oh my gosh, come here.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah he needs some more love. Come here. He's like,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: come to baba. And then I didn't like that, but
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: it came out that way. But like then he was
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: aware that I needed more TLC. Yeah, I was feeling
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: a bit neglected, and it's like it just is playful
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: and fun, rather me being like going and attacking with
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: all weapons blazing. You're spending too much time with you work.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Put your fucking phone down and going in aggressively. It's like,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: oh I need some love. Yes, Immediately his phones down
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: and his eyes are on me. And he's bringing it in.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: It's the best the way that you communicate what you
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: want to need is everything. Yeah, because you could for
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: sure go in and be like you never do this,
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: and you don't do this, and you don't pay attention
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: to me. But like immediately you're going to get the
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: worst of that person.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: There, walls are up to be criticized. Think about it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: When someone comes to you and criticize exactly, all you
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: want to do is tell them to go get fuck or.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Defend yourself, explain over, explain yourself.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: You feel like, now you've done something wrong.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the bad guy. There's something to feel guilty for.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Normally there's that little girl or boy inside that's like,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: oh I'm in troubling.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what if we could just prevent all of that
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: and just bring playfulness.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Especially with jealousy because it is such a hard thing
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: to navigate.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: And especially in an intimate relationship. Yeah. So I imagine
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: intimate relationships like where you get the trigger the most.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Especially when you feel like something is a threat.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, threat to your foundation of your relationship.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do it, even like the giggle, that was
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: a cute giggle, go on, bring it in, Okay, funny
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: do Every fucking man that I know is obsessed with
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: this woman, and Steve was just playing her. I think
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I've told the story before, but if you haven't heard,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: it's still funny. He just was all sort I was
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: playing to a leap on the screen all the time
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: because we always have music playing in the background. And
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I looked at him one day, I'm like, don't tell
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: me you fucking like this pop music? Like you don't
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: like He's like, no, she's a really good singer. I
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: was like, Oh, she's a good se is she that?
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I watched the moves and I'm like, I can see
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: where every man loves her. She's so sexually embodied. All
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: of her moves are just so sexual and she's hot.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Now I'm obsessed with her, but I had to bring
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: playfulness into that so he didn't feel like he was
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: being attacked. And he's fucking human. Yeah, I'm looking at her.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I can't get angry at him for looking at her.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: And then the next person after that was that Madison
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: beer Beard. Is it beird Madison beer Yeah? Yeah, she
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: is so hot And when she started playing on the screens,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you like long black hair do
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: you I didn't have long black hair. I remember you
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: bringing that toz. Oh my god, I've never seen him
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: like anyone with black hair before. Yeah, I thought you
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: liked blondes and like Twipe done, I have black. And
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: it's just I'm jealous of these two women because they're
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: beautiful and hot and they're very embodied, and they're talented
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: and all the things. But it also doesn't have to
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: take away from our relationship. I just put playfulness into yes,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: and now it's this ongoing joke, and you know it's
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: funny too.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Steve was like, you look at chocolate men on TV
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: all the time.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: He's like, what do you mean your upset with me
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: about doing a leaper when you, like are so vocal
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: about if that's an attractive man, you will happily say it.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: And then you're like, right, oh shit, you're right yeah,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: And then it just became this like funny thing.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: But it's still just like playful and he's like, you're hot, like,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: do a leaper. I can't be chocolate. I can't be
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: fucking chocolate. I'm caramel.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I just thought it was so so the conversation was
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: just funny.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: How it ends so funny. But that's the thing. It
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: gets to be like that. You can feel jealous. I am,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: I'm still jealous of those women. I will never look
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: like those girls do. I'm like, fuck, try, I don't know.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: You're looking pretty fucking damn good. Thanks mate. But it's
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: like I can be jealous and it doesn't have to
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: take away from my relationship or how I feel about myself.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And now I can have fun with it. And why
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: would I not want to bring fun, playfulness, cheekiness and
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: floatiness into my relationship. And I get to choose to
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: do that with how I communicate, And you can see
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: how it can go one of two ways. Oh my gosh,
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: so easily.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: When you can hear the energy that we've brought to
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: this conversation, Why would you want it to be.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Any other way? No, imagine if you know, had.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Gone to a partner and he say, looks at somebody
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: on the side of the road, and it's this big
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: blow up fight of like, oh my gosh, I'm not
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: good and oh my god, why are you doing this?
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't look and trying to contain and control the
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: person as opposed to just bring it in let it
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: be seen.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: And don't be here, chrief. You're getting upset at your
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: man for looking at someone. You tell me you don't
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: look at anyone. Yeah, come on, and you're married, you're
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: not dead.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah you say you know what you inspired me with that?
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow, everyone looks Yeah, you looked at
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: that same girl too, because she looks beautiful. And if
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: attractive hot man walks past, you tell me you don't
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: have a quick glance. There's a difference between glancing and
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: appreciating someone and being ogly creep. Absolutely, if your man's
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: being disrespectful all eyes and he's dribbling out of his mouth,
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: for sure, and you've got a reason to get upset. Yes,
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: But if your man has a quick glance, like, don't
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: act as if you don't do that.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, get off your high horse. I only say that
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: because I used to do that. Yes, I don't want
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: to be that girl. Yeah, you don't want to be
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: that girl.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: It's exhausting too, Like, you don't want to be in anything,
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: any relationship where you're micromanaging what that person is doing,
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: because it's only going to be so upsetting for you.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Attractive too, it's not connecting the.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Way that you're going to live your life if you're
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: constantly being triggered by the little things, Yeah, have a
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: very unhappy.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Time, honestly. Yeah, it's a really cool conversation. I hope
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: you guys listening have felt the fun and the energy
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: behind this, and I really hope that you've learned there
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: can be a different way to navigate jealousy and it
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be hard and scary and fluck your
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: weak up or fuck your relationship up every time there's
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: a hot girl that walks past or something happens on TV.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like that, but it definitely
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: takes a regulated nervous system, bringing playfulness into it, learning
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: how to communicate it, and just not making it bigger
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: than what it needs to be. Let it be there,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: give it to the show, dissolve it, talk about it,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: and have fun with it. Have fun with it. Yeah, alrighty,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: We'll see you on the next one. Guys. Bye bye
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: h