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Hitting Neutral: The Skill Every Business Owner Needs · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: In my opinion, neutral is a highly underrated emotion in your business.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to share with you three big benefits to your business and to you from being able to access neutral at will, and also a specific exercise that's going to help you to access it at will.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, you know what to do, grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Be Mollobster Podcast, and today we're talking about neutrality.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: The ability for you to be able to choose neutral, to access neutral, and to take action from neutral that is of great benefit to your business.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So let me start with the three benefits that I see.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: The first one, it helps you to regulate.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest reasons that I see women struggling in their business is their inability to regulate themselves to what's going on.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now I understand that nervous system regulation is really quite the buzz phrase and it's all over social media.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: It certainly is in mine.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I teach.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: However, I do have my own take on it.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And without going into too much detail, because I'll do another podcast on it, it's there's a big push for people to regulate to this space of like feeling safe, which is totally understandable.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, if we never regulate ourselves into the hard, then we're always going to be avoiding it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's always going to feel like an issue.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's always going to feel like something has gone wrong.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I spend a lot of time teaching people inside my inevitable group program and my one-to-one clients how to regulate themselves in the challenge, in the uncertainty, in the fear, in the anxiety, in the like what the hell is going on.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that it doesn't be it's not something that they avoid and it's not something that makes them think that something's gone wrong and they stop taking action.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: When you learn how to access neutral, it's like a big sigh for your body.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps your brain just to clear.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like putting your car into neutral.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your car's just there doing the thing.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's no revving, there's no braking, there's no nothing.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just here in my neutral state.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when you can learn to regulate yourself, it naturally leads into step or the benefit number two, which is that when you can access neutral in your business, it actually opens up options and choice.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It allows you to see the next best step that's available because you feel safe.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: If your body and brain, if your somatic experience is unsafety, heightened fear, dysregulation, like whatever you want to call it, you're not gonna either be able to access choice because you're in a fight or flight place, or the choices are not gonna be best choices, they're gonna be fear-based choices, lack-based choices.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: But when you are in neutral, when you've felt feel more regulated and you can breathe in your brain and your body, you actually open up more resourceful options, and it allows you to make a choice rather than staying in in action.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: It allows you to find that next best step and then find the mindset and the energy set that allows you to start taking that action now.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: The third thing, and I really love this one, is that when you learn to access neutral and take action from neutral, it teaches your brain that you don't need to feel great to take action.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need to feel like you're in universal alignment, you do not need to feel certain in the outcome or even like certain that this is the right choice.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need to feel this insane amount of joy and excitement and you know, like celebration.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can be completely neutral and take powerful action.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big one because, again, there's a lot of talk about how we should feel in order to get the results that we want to have.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that neutral should be your emotion de jour every single day.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But when your brain constantly offers you up a smogas bald daily of overwhelm, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, disappointment, rejection, all the things, and it's like, which one would you like today, Louise?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or which, you know, would you like 10 of these today?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then being able to access neutral puts you back in the driver's seat.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, it will start to remind your brain that you are the conductor.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain is the orchestra, it will do as you tell it, but you've got to train it that way.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your brain's completely just wired for your survival.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I say this all the time to my clients your brain doesn't give two doggy do's if you are happy, rich, successful, joyful.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't care.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: It just wants to know if you're still breathing, if you're safe, if you've got food, if you've got shelter.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not that your brain's an absolute ass, it's just your brain's doing a really good job at doing its job.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, you, as the conscious creator, need to be really good at doing your job.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so you've got to learn to navigate the palette of emotions and then become the painter of those things.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the three big benefits that I see for being able to access neutral is that it helps you to regulate from the place of regulation.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: You have options and you can make the choice for the next step.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's teaching your brain over the long term that you do not need to feel great to take big powerful action.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I said I'll teach you a process.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing I'm going to actually share with you is this very simple way that I do it, but I've been doing it a long time.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is that when I feel my emotional experience out that and it feels like it's out of my control, and I'm talking to a lot of you now that may be in perimenopause, menopause, where you feel like sometimes you have no control over your emotional palate because hormones are going crazy.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: You need to cut yourself a bit of compassion here.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes it's I feel like it's true that we can be feeling great, and then we can have a day or a couple of days where we're like, what's happened to me?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not having any particularly bad thoughts, but I just it feels so hard to access any great emotion right now.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel you on that.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's just a little caveat.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But my very simple process is I just literally close my eyes and start taking a couple of different breaths because when you change your breath, you change the somatic experience.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll regulate my breathing, I'll do four, four breathing, in through the nose, out through the nose, four in, four out.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I just almost bring into my mind's eye, I imagine the version of myself that is not having this experience.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I imagine the version of myself that's feeling great, she's feeling okay, she's feeling neutral, she's she's these emotions are not present in her body, these thoughts are not present in her body.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: She's like a neutral state.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to say shell because that implies something different in my own brain, but she's neutral.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: She might just be present, she might be in the moment, she's just grounded, and in that moment, I can feel all of those thoughts and emotions leaving my body, and I access that state, and I might have to do that over and over and over and over again.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I literally just telling my brain, I'm imagining a version of myself that doesn't have this experience right now.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And brain goes, Okay, we can do that.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And even now I'm doing it right as I'm speaking to you right now, and I can feel my chest opening up, I can feel my stomach softening because today this morning's been one of those mornings where I'm like, I there is nothing for me to worry about, and yet I'm feeling this tightness and anxiety in my chest.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna assume it's a full moon combined with crazy hormones, and I will not let that be my story.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: The other way that I want you to look at it is this this is kind of like a version of an NLP technique called anchoring.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is that oftentimes people are having these, I'm gonna call them unresourceful emotions.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to call them negative, you pick what suits you, but you're having these unresourceful emotions, which means you're in an emotional state that's not creating the environment that you want and need to feel great and to do the things that you want and need to do.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're in those unresourceful states, it's very easy to think, oh my god, I have to get out of these as quickly as possible.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have to move out.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is a really bad place to be, and I've got to get out, I've got to get out, I've got to get out.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, we're telling ourselves we need to access excitement, belief, certainty, joy, sufficiency.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's a bloody big jump sometimes.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we're actually almost like cutting our nose off to spite our face, thinking we've got to jump from unresourceful to unicorn state in one fail swoop.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're thinking about that, I encourage my client to do it in four steps.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just do this together right now.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say, for instance, you were feeling completely overwhelmed, okay?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Step number one is anything that feels better to you than overwhelmed.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna suggest neutral, okay?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe even frustrated feels better for you than overwhelmed.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to go there.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: If frustration feels better and more resourceful than overwhelm, get yourself to frustration.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Get yourself to uncertainty.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: As long as it's a step away from the uh from the overwhelm, it's working for you.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you can access neutral, that's a really great place to go.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Step number three is a state or an emotion that has some movement around it, right?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it might maybe you could find and maybe you could access a little bit of excitement, possibility, like and and here we go.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: When you do this properly, which I'm putting in inverted commas, it and they talk about emotional states.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, whatever feels good in your body, girlfriend, right?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So even though possibility might not be a state, I know that you can probably feel possibility in your body.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I can feel it in mine.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the third sort of intermediary state has to have something with movement.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard a really good description of this.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Someone said it's like you've got to imagine that you're sewing.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't sew by the way, I can't even sew a button on.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: My mum still does that for me.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Confessions.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, you're doing like, I think what do they call it?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like a straight stitch, and you're pulling the needle through.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you want movement, you want to pull the needle through so you're pulling the emotions up and out.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the third state needs so we've gone from say overwhelm to neutral, maybe to possibility, maybe to excitement, maybe to joy, maybe to um curiosity, something that feels like it moves through your body, and then eventually you can move yourself to the fourth step, which might be um maybe for you that is curiosity, maybe it is um inevitability, maybe it is motivation, maybe it is um, I don't know, like something.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: What else motivation?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to say discipline because I really do not enjoy that word, but like maybe it's like believability.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what you can do is you can do this where you take yourself through the states one at a time, so like in succession.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm feeling the overwhelm, and you can imagine yourself stepping forward.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm stepping into neutral.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: What does that feel like?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the neutrality in your body, great, lovely.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me step into um curiosity, and now let me step into motivation.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And each time, just give yourself seconds, minutes to sit in each of those emotions and keep taking yourself through the chain, taking yourself through the chain, taking yourself through the chain.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually your brain will start to default.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: It will start taking you straight to the third or fourth emotion.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: But for right now, if you are just spending too much time in an unresourceful state, start practicing getting to neutral.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: When that becomes something you can access quite easily, then you can move on to steps three and four.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, my friends, I trust that you have found this useful.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a couple of banging podcasts coming up over the next couple of weeks, so make sure that you're subscribed.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you would be so kind as to leave me a review on the platform you're on, I'd be immensely uh happy and grateful to you and for you.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I will speak to you again in the next episode of the Bear Lobster podcast.