Latest / No One Gets Hurt / Find My Felony

Transcript

Find My Felony · No One Gets Hurt

0:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was doing meth last week.
0:01
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
0:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm so tired of cocaine cooking.
0:04
SPEAKER_03: It's like, you know what?
0:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like, ah, I listen up and no one gets hurt.
0:11
SPEAKER_05: This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically gets harmed.
0:16
SPEAKER_05: This is a podcast for information and internet.
0:20
SPEAKER_05: Nothing in this podcast can be taken as legal advice.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: So listen up and no one gets hurt.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: New York's got that.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Alright.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Well, don't forget to like and subscribe and in the comments.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: Tell us which game you'd like us to cover.
0:34
SPEAKER_05: Welcome back to another episode of No One Gets Hurt Pod.
0:37
SPEAKER_05: What's going on, Tonyo?
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Uh, just real quick, I wanted to say that uh we have 79 subscribers.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: And uh I really fucking appreciate, we really appreciate every single one of y'all.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: There's always room for more.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: So anybody listening that likes what they hear, feel free to hit that button.
0:59
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
1:00
SPEAKER_05: I appreciate that.
1:01
SPEAKER_05: We appreciate you.
1:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh this week we have a guest that I appreciate.
1:04
SPEAKER_05: Every time I see him, I am laughed, laughing so much that I start crying, and um my mascara runs.
1:11
SPEAKER_05: It's real ugly, ugly cry.
1:12
SPEAKER_05: But uh, it's always a good time with Johnny Roquet.
1:15
SPEAKER_04: Hey guys, thanks for having me.
1:17
SPEAKER_04: Congratulations on the subscribers.
1:19
SPEAKER_04: Remember, hit that like button, subscribe today, comment at least 10 words.
1:23
SPEAKER_04: Say whatever you want for 10 words.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: You're my favorite guest already.
1:27
SPEAKER_04: No, that's the name of the game.
1:30
SPEAKER_04: Like there's no more uh like you're your own gatekeeper.
1:34
SPEAKER_04: That's right.
1:35
SPEAKER_04: Unless if you're shy, this isn't like the business for you.
1:38
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:39
SPEAKER_04: If you're too shy to be like, you should watch me.
1:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's it's just it's a tough business.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, it doesn't cost nothing.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: It's free, it takes less than two seconds, and it supports us, it helps out.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: And I cannot stress enough 79 is insane.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: That 79 people want to listen to us is is fucking insane to me.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: So I'm extremely grateful.
2:02
SPEAKER_05: Me too, me too.
2:04
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's uh also it makes us know that we're actually doing something correct.
2:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because we started with zero, yeah, exactly.
2:10
SPEAKER_04: And on YouTube, that's right.
2:12
SPEAKER_04: YouTube's a hard market to like crack.
2:15
SPEAKER_04: True.
2:15
SPEAKER_04: But once you once you get in there, you're you're kind of got set for like good fans.
2:20
SPEAKER_04: Instagram's like all bots, yeah.
2:22
SPEAKER_04: So I I really don't mess with Instagram anymore because it wasn't translating to ticket sales.
2:28
SPEAKER_04: Uh yeah, so I was just like, what am I doing?
2:30
SPEAKER_04: Entertaining you for free?
2:31
SPEAKER_04: Like, that's just one of those like old man.
2:33
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Get off my lawn.
2:36
SPEAKER_04: You're not even giving me a drink ticket for this.
2:39
SPEAKER_05: So you recently got married and now you're already like graduated to old man.
2:42
SPEAKER_05: I love it.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I've been in old man.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: I thought you were gonna say you already graduated to divorce.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Jesus Christ.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: I've been in old man.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: How long ago did you get married?
2:52
SPEAKER_04: Uh I got married in February.
2:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh, congratulations.
2:55
SPEAKER_04: February 27th.
2:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's been about six months now.
2:59
SPEAKER_04: We we met at a Christmas party last year.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: Last year.
3:04
SPEAKER_04: And then uh I asked her out a few times.
3:07
SPEAKER_04: She said no.
3:07
SPEAKER_04: I asked her to marry me a few times, she said no.
3:10
SPEAKER_04: But then um she kept coming to my comedy shows, and she would bring people, and I'm like, You're already better than half the people I know.
3:18
SPEAKER_04: Like she'd bring her friends, they'd buy drinks, come to more shows.
3:22
SPEAKER_04: It was very great, very sweet.
3:24
SPEAKER_04: And then one, but like she just wanted to stay friends.
3:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like immediately, I was like, Hey, I had a good time.
3:29
SPEAKER_04: Like the first time we hung out, I had a good time tonight.
3:31
SPEAKER_04: And she was like, Me too, friend.
3:33
SPEAKER_04: And I was like when I read it, I was like, uh, because I have a pretty good rule on like if you're a friend, I'm gonna consider you a friend.
3:42
SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna try to make a weird move on you halfway through our friendship.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, how did you uh end up?
3:48
SPEAKER_04: I just kept flirting with her, yeah.
3:49
SPEAKER_04: Persistently, I was just like, not like not aggressively, I was just like, hey, you want to get married?
3:54
SPEAKER_04: No, all right.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: It's a fucking difference, huge difference, huge, you know.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: What's funny is uh I've been watching, like rewatching a bunch of episodes of Chappelle's show, yeah, and uh he has this skit where it's like great moments in hookup history.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: My man, you went from friends, hard friend zone, like she said the word friend to being married.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: What that's a great moment in hookup history, dogs.
4:22
SPEAKER_04: Well, it was it was a relationship that was just that worked out in every way.
4:27
SPEAKER_04: It was odd how like we went out on one date, then she is just like, Yeah, I get married to you.
4:33
SPEAKER_04: And then I was like, All right, let's do it.
4:34
SPEAKER_04: And then we went full throttle towards it, and no one like hit the brakes.
4:39
SPEAKER_04: So I was like, Oh, this is like a good partner to have.
4:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like someone that can rock with you like that, someone that's like, Oh man, this is a little scary, huh?
4:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like she's supportive.
4:48
SPEAKER_04: She's very well, like I I think getting married when I was 38 changed a lot of like how viewing how like my view of marriage was.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: You hear that, kids?
5:00
SPEAKER_00: Like 38.
5:02
SPEAKER_04: Wait till you're 30, wait till you're like you got everything behind you.
5:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like wait till you don't want experiences anymore.
5:08
SPEAKER_04: Just that like that solo experiences.
5:11
SPEAKER_04: Wait till those are done.
5:12
SPEAKER_04: You're just like, I don't need to like wake up in an alley.
5:16
SPEAKER_04: I don't I don't need to hook up with girls that are just like, yeah, I was doing meth last week.
5:20
SPEAKER_04: You know what I'm saying?
5:24
SPEAKER_04: Like, you know what?
5:25
SPEAKER_04: Eventually it's like no, I had all the chocolate and the chocolate's delicious, but I don't want any more chocolate.
5:35
SPEAKER_04: Even Willy Wonka went out for a salad every now and then.
5:40
SPEAKER_05: No, I think that uh starting as friends is the best.
5:43
SPEAKER_05: Honestly, my husband and I started as friends, but we we took a longer path.
5:48
SPEAKER_05: I think we were friends for about eight years before we started dating.
5:51
SPEAKER_05: Holy shit.
5:51
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: And then um Were y'all just like did y'all just like passively like each other and never say anything?
5:57
SPEAKER_05: It was one of those things where like I think honestly we were just friends, and then it was a happenstance of timing, like he would be with somebody, I would be with somebody.
6:06
SPEAKER_05: The timing didn't really work out, and then it just kind of made sense one day, even though at that point we were actually long distance, and so then it but it still it made sense.
6:14
SPEAKER_05: I don't know how to explain it.
6:15
SPEAKER_05: And then as soon as like we went on our first date, it was pretty much like I think we're gonna get married, and we uh it was like probably about four months after we started dating that we got engaged, and then we got married, so yeah.
6:27
SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's great.
6:28
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, uh going working towards 12 years together, married.
6:31
SPEAKER_05: So yeah.
6:32
SPEAKER_04: How old were you when you guys met?
6:34
SPEAKER_05: Well, I met we met when uh I was in law when we were in law school, so I was probably ugh I know what he's gonna say, but uh I think I was like 28, 26, 27, somewhere in that range.
6:48
SPEAKER_05: I must have been 27.
6:49
SPEAKER_05: I think it was 27 because I think I graduated law school at 30.
6:52
SPEAKER_05: So like four score and seven years ago.
6:57
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
6:58
SPEAKER_05: So uh, and then and then we got married when uh when I was 35.
7:02
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, but like it changed, it changed for me.
7:05
SPEAKER_04: I kept telling everybody I'm not getting married.
7:06
SPEAKER_04: Like I I even told her.
7:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like the first night we met, I was like, Oh yeah, I'm not getting married.
7:11
SPEAKER_05: Well, this is weird because you're saying I'm not gonna get married.
7:13
SPEAKER_05: Do you want to marry me?
7:14
SPEAKER_05: And like what a contradiction.
7:15
SPEAKER_04: Well, like I like after hanging out, I was like, You want to get married?
7:18
SPEAKER_04: And she was like, nah, ha ha, I'm kidding.
7:20
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Okay, I'm well, okay, fine.
7:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but like I I told everybody, everybody, like I I am not the marriage type.
7:27
SPEAKER_04: I I work very good alone.
7:29
SPEAKER_04: I like my life.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: So you're a fucking liar, is what you're saying.
7:31
SPEAKER_04: No, she just she she did like an Italian gypsy curse or something.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Did she make you spaghetti?
7:38
SPEAKER_04: It was it was Freaky Friday, where she looked at me and was like, you never know, you never know.
7:44
SPEAKER_04: And even like I didn't know behind the scenes, she was telling her friends that same deal.
7:50
SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, I'm not gonna get married.
7:51
SPEAKER_04: I'm just gonna keep traveling, I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna graduate from here.
7:55
SPEAKER_04: And then it just it really just clicked to like the point of like, okay, where are we living?
8:01
SPEAKER_04: Okay, we're living at like your sponsored parents' house.
8:04
SPEAKER_04: We're living here, and then uh they moved and I was like, where are we living at?
8:08
SPEAKER_04: Okay, well, we're gonna get roommates in Echo Park and live there for like two months until we can get like an apartment.
8:14
SPEAKER_04: And then we got an apartment.
8:15
SPEAKER_04: It's like, okay, cool, we're gonna be here for a few months until the lease is over and we can get another place.
8:20
SPEAKER_04: So it's like really comfortable being with someone that can you can trust that much and can give you that much trust.
8:28
SPEAKER_04: And again, like being 38, I can handle things a lot differently.
8:31
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like the other day I I hit my head in the shower.
8:34
SPEAKER_04: Like we were in the shower and I bent down to pick something up.
8:37
SPEAKER_05: Hold on.
8:39
SPEAKER_05: You went from I hit my head in the shower to we were in the shower.
8:43
SPEAKER_05: And do you care to explain?
8:45
SPEAKER_04: Well, me and my wife were in the shower together, and my saving water?
8:48
SPEAKER_04: Same water, saving water, yeah.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: Saving water.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: So the kids are calling it now.
8:56
SPEAKER_04: And like my socks fell off the the countertop because I put my socks on the countertop, I put my clothes there, right?
9:04
SPEAKER_04: You know, they fell off and fell in the tub, and I went down to pick them up and I smacked my head on the countertop because it was like right behind the curtain.
9:12
SPEAKER_04: So I just boom.
9:16
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I was.
9:17
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I was, but as a 38-year-old man, I knew I had to hold my feelings down because right now is not feelings time.
9:24
SPEAKER_04: Right now is let me control my anger, so she doesn't think she did anything time.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh through my shower head through my mirror.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: I would have been mad as fuck.
9:33
SPEAKER_05: I go to right, I go to blaming the husband right away.
9:35
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, it is your fault.
9:36
SPEAKER_05: And he does the same thing to me.
9:37
SPEAKER_05: We it's like it's funny.
9:38
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we always blame each other.
9:39
SPEAKER_05: It's just, but it's like in good fun, you know what I mean?
9:42
SPEAKER_04: It's like lawyerisms.
9:43
SPEAKER_05: That's right.
9:45
SPEAKER_05: Right.
9:46
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
9:47
SPEAKER_04: So a younger me would have been mad at everybody.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: I'd been mad at the dog, I've been mad at her, I'd be mad at the landlord.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: The fucking mailman.
9:55
SPEAKER_04: Like, are these even regulated sites?
9:57
SPEAKER_04: Is this like regul?
9:58
SPEAKER_04: I I got I need to call the city like every time.
10:00
SPEAKER_05: Well, what you're saying is it it socks.
10:03
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, it sucks.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: That was a socky joke.
10:10
SPEAKER_05: Soggy socks.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: That sounds like a punk band, too.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: Soggy socks.
10:16
SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm glad to hear that the the marriage is going good.
10:18
SPEAKER_05: Is she Italian?
10:19
SPEAKER_05: Is that okay?
10:20
SPEAKER_05: That's Rod.
10:20
SPEAKER_05: She she could cook.
10:21
SPEAKER_04: Sicilian, food-blooded.
10:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, great.
10:25
SPEAKER_04: She won't make pizza for anybody else.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Did you say Sicilia?
10:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: And she made you spaghetti, didn't she?
10:31
SPEAKER_04: She made me everything.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it.
10:33
SPEAKER_04: She made me pastas that I've never heard of.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: That's what happened.
10:36
SPEAKER_04: She's just uh yeah, like I love it.
10:38
SPEAKER_04: She made she made salt have a flavor to it.
10:41
SPEAKER_04: It's different.
10:42
SPEAKER_05: I identify as a Sicilian grandmother, which is like I'm not a hundred percent in black today, but normally I I wear a lot of black.
10:50
SPEAKER_05: And um, if you cross me, you're dead to me.
10:53
SPEAKER_05: So that's that's how I identify.
10:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm not Italian, but that's how I identify.
10:56
SPEAKER_05: So yes.
11:01
SPEAKER_05: Anyways.
11:02
SPEAKER_05: So anyways, um, been on any good vacations recently?
11:09
SPEAKER_04: Uh no vacations recently.
11:11
SPEAKER_04: We've done a few good like day trips.
11:13
SPEAKER_04: Like we went to Big Bear.
11:14
SPEAKER_05: Oh, nice.
11:15
SPEAKER_04: I took her and her brother and her best friend.
11:19
SPEAKER_04: They came in to visit because she graduated from LACC.
11:23
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
11:24
SPEAKER_04: And they came in to like celebrate that.
11:26
SPEAKER_04: So we went to Big Bear.
11:28
SPEAKER_04: And it was the first time showing them like Lake Arrowhead and then showing them like the little village in Big Bear.
11:34
SPEAKER_04: And then we went to um we went to Joshua Tree.
11:37
SPEAKER_04: Oh wow.
11:40
SPEAKER_04: Oh, we she hated it.
11:41
SPEAKER_04: She was just like, I'm not a desert person.
11:45
SPEAKER_04: Did you take her in the daytime or at night?
11:47
SPEAKER_04: We went like midday, midday tonight, because when there's if you don't know, Joshua Tree has a um observatory area.
11:54
SPEAKER_04: I didn't know that.
11:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
11:55
SPEAKER_04: You can drive out there, you can see all the constellations.
11:59
SPEAKER_04: It has like a little like at time, like I think once or twice a month, they open it up so you can use the telescope to see the stars out there.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna look into that and do it immediately.
12:09
SPEAKER_04: Oh, dude, I got into stars and moons and stuff after like dating in LA for like 10-15 years.
12:17
SPEAKER_04: It just like, oh man, what luteal phase are we in?
12:20
SPEAKER_04: Or love it.
12:23
SPEAKER_05: So when you went out to Joshua Tree and Big Bear, did anyone stay uh to check in on your house, like make sure that you know your meal is getting turned in?
12:31
SPEAKER_04: No, it was just like an easy one-day trip up and down.
12:34
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
12:35
SPEAKER_04: I brought I brought I bring my dog everywhere.
12:37
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's good.
12:37
SPEAKER_04: I have uh medical conditions with my dog, so I'm like, cool, you can chill with me everywhere I go.
12:42
SPEAKER_04: This is the best.
12:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
12:44
SPEAKER_04: And no one can say nothing.
12:45
SPEAKER_04: Hell yeah.
12:46
SPEAKER_05: If if you were on vacation and uh something were to go wrong on vacation, like who would you have go check in on your house?
12:55
SPEAKER_05: Do you have somebody like a like a sister or a company?
12:58
SPEAKER_04: Probably my probably my like mom or dad or something.
13:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
13:01
SPEAKER_04: Or like a friend where I give keys to.
13:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
13:04
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
13:04
SPEAKER_04: Cause it's like again, you want to make sure we have cameras, but still.
13:08
SPEAKER_05: What what would you do if you were on vacation and you found out someone like had broken into your house?
13:12
SPEAKER_04: You kind of just gotta let that go.
13:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
13:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you can't.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: At least for the time.
13:16
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, for the time being, it's like I got got.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:19
SPEAKER_04: Ah, you got me.
13:20
SPEAKER_04: All right.
13:20
SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm not gonna ruin my vacation.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I was in, I was in uh I was in Hawaii, and uh they could have called and told me my house burned down.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: I would have been like, okay, hang up, and I'm still like on top of this mountain on this beautiful island.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't give a fuck, dude.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: Fuck that house.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: We live here now.
13:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know.
13:47
SPEAKER_05: I I've actually seen where people are on vacation and they can see live time people breaking into their house and taking stuff, and then they're just like freaking out.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that'd be what are you freak out for what?
13:57
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing you can do about it until you get home.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: What unless you're gonna cancel the fucking uh trip that you spent so much money on.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: Fuck that.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: That's what we need, uh citywide mercenaries.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: You got it on video, insurance is gonna cover it.
14:13
SPEAKER_05: Well, some stuff isn't like heirlooms, you have family heirlooms.
14:16
SPEAKER_05: Like I my friend's house got broken into uh last year, and they stole her grandmother's wedding ring.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: They stole her oh yeah, that's white people shit.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: We don't got none of that in our house.
14:26
SPEAKER_05: We have I mean I think that's I think that's just people shit.
14:28
SPEAKER_05: I don't think my friend's actually Mexican, so I think there's not an air heirloom.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: There ain't even an heirloom.
14:37
SPEAKER_05: But she's Mexican, so but anyways, um well if someone robbed your house, what would be like the weirdest thing they'd learn about you?
14:46
SPEAKER_04: If they robbed my house, they'd learn that we don't have very much.
14:48
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
14:49
SPEAKER_04: That's the way they'd get in there and be like, wrong house.
14:52
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
14:52
SPEAKER_04: We should have robbed the one next to it.
14:54
unknown: Yeah.
14:55
SPEAKER_05: Well, if you can't tell, this is what my crime has to do with today.
15:00
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
15:00
SPEAKER_05: So uh we have a couple uh that were on vacation in Kenya, and uh it's Henry and Adam, and they were uh visiting Africa, you know, going on a safaris, having a lovely time, and um they were actually in a helicopter crash and they died.
15:20
SPEAKER_05: I know no one gets hurt, but this is how the story starts.
15:23
SPEAKER_05: They die, right?
15:25
SPEAKER_05: Uh they have a housekeeper, and the housekeeper was periodically checking in on their house with them while they were on vacation.
15:31
SPEAKER_05: I think Henry and Adam were pretty well to do.
15:34
SPEAKER_05: They lived in Coral Gables, Florida, so um yeah, they they had some stuff, right?
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Uh is that a nice area in Florida?
15:41
SPEAKER_04: Any place with a first and last name?
15:43
SPEAKER_04: Nice area.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
15:44
SPEAKER_00: That's a good point.
15:46
SPEAKER_04: Oh, your your house, your street has a first and last name?
15:50
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
15:51
SPEAKER_04: You have money.
15:53
SPEAKER_05: I feel like that's a bit you already have.
15:55
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
15:57
SPEAKER_05: But yeah, so uh the the housekeeper comes in and notices that the Porsche and the Range Rover are gone.
16:04
SPEAKER_05: Damn.
16:04
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
16:05
SPEAKER_05: So uh basically we have Henry Pada and Adam Lavat Lavati, I think is how we say his last name.
16:12
SPEAKER_05: Married couple, they lived in Coral Gables.
16:15
SPEAKER_05: Um Adam was a real estate executive, and uh Henry was an aviation maintenance software company.
16:23
SPEAKER_05: Uh, I think he co-founded or CEO of that company.
16:27
SPEAKER_05: They left August 12th.
16:28
SPEAKER_05: So this just happened, and they left for uh vacation and had their house re housekeeper uh planning on coming in and checking on the house, making sure things were like everything was going, you know, just fine.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: As ritual people do.
16:41
SPEAKER_05: I mean, sure, yeah.
16:43
SPEAKER_05: That's that's that's my assumption.
16:45
SPEAKER_05: Well, like I said, the coral gable is first and last name.
16:47
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's what we're saying.
16:49
SPEAKER_05: Porsche, Red River.
16:50
SPEAKER_05: Sounds like they're doing all right in life.
16:52
SPEAKER_05: Well, before they died, of course.
16:54
SPEAKER_05: Uh anyway, so um the helicopter crashes at approximately 9 13 a.m.
17:00
SPEAKER_05: And the cause of the crash, they don't know, but there was other people on board, unfortunately.
17:04
SPEAKER_05: Uh I think all there were seven other people or seven total people they died.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: And they don't know why it went down.
17:10
SPEAKER_04: No, but helicopters are very they've been like in the news.
17:15
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
17:15
SPEAKER_04: The guy who uh there's an artist who recently uh died because of a helicopter crash.
17:21
SPEAKER_04: Damn.
17:21
SPEAKER_04: Passed away because it the helicopter fell down.
17:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they're very they're very sensitive, uh like uh transportation, is my understanding.
17:31
SPEAKER_05: Like they're like puffing.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like one wrong sneeze kind of thing.
17:35
SPEAKER_04: Definitely like a plane, if the engines like die out, you can glide down theoretically.
17:41
SPEAKER_04: But if the engine dies out in a helicopter, it just you just yeah, it's and it's either your back because you have your back tail engine that is a uh back propeller.
17:52
SPEAKER_04: And that bitch will make you that well, if you have that out, you don't have any like real stability.
17:57
SPEAKER_04: Because like you're using the back compeller to like push and like against the winds on the side, and probably also to guide where you're going, right?
18:04
SPEAKER_05: And then like right left.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: No wonder I can't fly one of them bitches in flight simulator.
18:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's so hard.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: It's fucking it's hard, bro.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: I can fucking fly a 737 and I can't fly a fucking helicopter is fucking bullshit.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Try the hot air balloon flight simulator.
18:20
SPEAKER_03: Oh write that down.
18:27
SPEAKER_03: That's fucking funny.
18:31
SPEAKER_05: So um, these two people, they die, their stuff is gone.
18:35
SPEAKER_05: They the police believe that they were actually targeted almost immediately.
18:39
SPEAKER_05: So it's like as soon as people knew that they had died, that the burglars, robbers, whatever we want to call them, um, knew where they lived and specifically went after their house.
18:49
SPEAKER_05: So um August 19th, the couple dies, August 20th to 22nd, somewhere in that point in time, the house is ransacked.
18:59
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
19:00
SPEAKER_05: Um but it's like it's crazy that someone would be able to know that quickly like what to do.
19:05
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
19:07
SPEAKER_05: So I d how do you think they figure it out?
19:09
SPEAKER_05: That like are they like just watching the news?
19:11
SPEAKER_05: Like, how do you think they know that quickly that someone's died and that there's that they should go rob their house?
19:16
SPEAKER_04: It probably was like a coincidence.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: That's what I was about to say.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: Right, watching the the caretaker come and go.
19:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, watching the care there's only one security guard and she she has a broom.
19:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
19:37
SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, maybe.
19:38
SPEAKER_05: I mean, maybe maybe they're like people in New York that like watch the obituaries in order to find a uh rent-controlled apartment.
19:45
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
19:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's a thing.
19:47
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
19:48
SPEAKER_04: Well, there's this thing because like I learned like since this is about crimes, I learned about this crime where you could do if you want to be an international spy.
19:56
SPEAKER_04: Since uh states don't talk to each other about like who passes away and who doesn't.
20:02
SPEAKER_04: If someone passes away in California, but they were born in like Indiana, you could technically take their SS uh social security note, yeah, your their SSN become them because no one's reporting to Indiana that they no longer live, and you have a whole new identity.
20:20
SPEAKER_05: You're also allegedly.
20:21
SPEAKER_05: You're also you're also 200 years old, but yeah, you're also here that you were born in 1902, but you look like you're 30.
20:30
SPEAKER_05: Like that's crazy.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: Gentle reminder that this is not legal advice.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: No, this is yeah, this is this is what I heard from illegal a friend told me the black market gram.
20:47
SPEAKER_05: So besides the Porsche and the Range Rover, what else was taken?
20:51
SPEAKER_05: Uh personal documents, business documents, jewelry, electronics, uh, laptop, Apple, like the Apple MacBook Pro.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: That was pretty typical.
21:00
SPEAKER_05: Uh artwork, yeah.
21:02
SPEAKER_05: A sculpture that was worth$500,000.
21:04
SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
21:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:06
SPEAKER_04: Whoa, this was like a big grand sack.
21:08
SPEAKER_04: This was yeah.
21:10
SPEAKER_05: Now, do you think if I put a sculpture that was$500,000 next to a sculpture that was$500, do you think you could tell the difference?
21:18
SPEAKER_00: I think maybe like a professional like art historian, maybe.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: But probably not.
21:26
SPEAKER_04: What about you?
21:27
SPEAKER_04: I need a Pond Star guy.
21:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
21:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
21:32
SPEAKER_04: Like expert.
21:32
SPEAKER_04: Let me call my friend.
21:33
SPEAKER_04: He's an expert on sculptures.
21:38
SPEAKER_04: He has nothing to do on a Tuesday.
21:42
SPEAKER_05: Not to be morbid, but my mom will say something like, like, I I feel bad for you when I pass away.
21:46
SPEAKER_05: She's like, 'Cause I've got a couple nice crystal pieces.
21:49
SPEAKER_05: They're worth something.
21:50
SPEAKER_05: She's like, but I also have glass from the Dollar Tree.
21:52
SPEAKER_05: And you're gonna have to figure out which one is which.
21:56
SPEAKER_05: But she's saying, like they're pretty much, they look the same, is what she's saying.
21:59
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
22:00
SPEAKER_04: Which you know, again, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube shorts, all these things show you quick little tricks.
22:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
22:06
SPEAKER_04: Like if you click it, if you flick the glass, you flick the crystal, yeah.
22:10
SPEAKER_04: You can hear the difference.
22:11
SPEAKER_04: Oh, or you can also do the rim thing.
22:15
SPEAKER_04: Cause like crystal hums.
22:17
SPEAKER_04: If you rim crystal, it humms.
22:18
SPEAKER_04: Like you do like a rim job?
22:20
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
22:20
SPEAKER_04: You gotta do it softly but tight enough where you hear the sound.
22:24
SPEAKER_04: With glass, it doesn't do it.
22:26
SPEAKER_04: Glass, you just cut your finger.
22:27
SPEAKER_04: It's welcome back to rim job podcasts.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: Some girl named Crystal is having a real good time right now.
22:36
SPEAKER_04: That's how you know I'm real.
22:44
SPEAKER_05: And here comes ugly cryers.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, that's fucking funny.
22:51
SPEAKER_05: Every time.
22:52
SPEAKER_05: Every time.
22:53
SPEAKER_05: Jesus Louise.
22:54
SPEAKER_05: Um, anyways.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: This coffee really is delicious.
22:57
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's good.
22:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, well, they got to make it fresh for you because the first person stole the one that was made for like.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: I forgot you told me that till right now.
23:06
SPEAKER_04: No one gets hurt, victimless crime.
23:10
unknown: Right, right.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you know what?
23:13
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to whoever stole.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Was it just this one?
23:16
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was just yours.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Well, shout out to them.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: They needed it.
23:19
SPEAKER_05: It was it was a whole um situation this morning.
23:21
SPEAKER_05: So, like, sorry, a tangent, but so I ordered your coffee with the double special shot.
23:25
SPEAKER_05: I put in the because I order it mobile order, and so I put in the description, like, okay, I'm pying, I'm paying for a separate shot, uh, but can you add it to the coffee cup?
23:35
SPEAKER_05: And then I'm like, this one and this one, done, right?
23:37
SPEAKER_05: So then I get there and there's a line out the door.
23:39
SPEAKER_05: And so I was like, oh, I'm sorry, excuse me, sorry, excuse me.
23:42
SPEAKER_05: So I get in there and I'm like, um, okay, I see this one, I don't see that one.
23:46
SPEAKER_05: They're like, oh no, it looks like someone stole it.
23:48
SPEAKER_05: And they like just stare at me and I'm like, you're gonna make another one?
23:52
SPEAKER_05: And they're like, oh yeah.
23:54
SPEAKER_05: Okay, great.
23:54
SPEAKER_05: And then I'm like, um, I was like, uh, and then they're like, well, we didn't know what you wanted to do.
24:00
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, okay, well, and I I suggested that they're like, we weren't sure.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, they're like, I feel like there's only one option there.
24:08
SPEAKER_05: I I put in what I want, but I'm like, I but they're like, we didn't want to do it wrong.
24:12
SPEAKER_05: And then I go, all right, that's fine.
24:14
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, so do you want to give me like a bigger cup?
24:16
SPEAKER_05: And they're like, actually, there's room, we left room in there, so that I was like, oh, perfect.
24:19
SPEAKER_05: So then I, you know, I didn't get a tip, but I I assembled your coffee today and I made sure that your coffee was available.
24:27
SPEAKER_05: So, but no, the place is great.
24:28
SPEAKER_05: So I mean, I'm not complaining, it's just they're so busy, you know, it's just I don't want to, you know.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a reason they're busy, though.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, for sure.
24:35
SPEAKER_05: They actually sell that that version, like the um Americano with film or whatever, in um in a bucket.
24:42
SPEAKER_05: Like it's like this bucket that's like this big.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
24:46
SPEAKER_05: And I I actually saw someone with the bucket.
24:47
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, oh my god, I didn't know people actually ordered this thing.
24:50
SPEAKER_05: And they're like, yeah, what?
24:51
SPEAKER_05: It was a couple, so there's two straws, but still it's how many ounces it is?
24:54
SPEAKER_05: A lot.
24:55
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
24:55
SPEAKER_05: I think it's like 60 ounces or something.
24:57
SPEAKER_05: It's insane.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: I would drink that throughout my work day.
25:00
SPEAKER_05: I uh yeah, I don't know.
25:01
SPEAKER_05: I kind of feel like it would get a little like long in the tooth at some point, you know what I mean?
25:05
SPEAKER_00: I used to drink 60 ounces of Red Bull at work a day at least.
25:10
SPEAKER_04: I just do caffeine, yeah.
25:11
SPEAKER_04: So I do like a pot of coffee a day.
25:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
25:14
SPEAKER_04: If I could just snort caffeine, like I would just I was I was talking to a friend yesterday about how uh snorting is probably the best part of drugs, yeah, bro.
25:24
SPEAKER_04: So the snorting part, like not the drug, but like it's fun.
25:27
SPEAKER_04: Just that that's that part is the fun part.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, no.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: I thought I thought you were meant like drugs you snort are superior.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I can agree with that.
25:37
SPEAKER_04: I I have a theory that I think the snorting part is make is what makes them superior.
25:42
SPEAKER_04: So if you can like get snortable caffeine, that's what I'm saying, bro.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: If I could just like crush up some no dos, but I don't know what else is in that.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: So if I was 15, I would have crushed it and then looked at the ingredients.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: But I'm almost 36 now.
25:58
SPEAKER_05: What about boofing it?
25:59
SPEAKER_05: Could you boof caffeine?
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh no, no, it's no, yeah.
26:03
SPEAKER_04: I mean it would be you could, but yeah.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: I've I've done a couple E-pills that way.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: You fucking asked.
26:16
SPEAKER_05: It's true.
26:16
SPEAKER_05: Well, actually, I I asked the second question.
26:19
SPEAKER_05: You guys were on the you were on the you guys were already on that trajectory.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: It was it was relevant.
26:24
SPEAKER_04: Your ass can't sit still.
26:25
SPEAKER_04: I was boofing.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: I had to boof my coffee.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: I had a fucking triple stack in my colon.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: It's not my fault.
26:37
SPEAKER_05: Um so back to back to the deceased back to REM job talk.
26:44
SPEAKER_05: Actually, before that.
26:46
SPEAKER_05: So back to the crime.
26:47
SPEAKER_05: But um, how do you think that the cut the the burglars got caught?
26:53
SPEAKER_04: The cameras, right?
26:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh, the MacBook.
26:56
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
26:56
SPEAKER_05: The MacBook and the Range Rover.
26:59
SPEAKER_05: So they had location devices on both.
27:01
SPEAKER_05: Um, so basically the housekeeper comes in on Sunday, the 23rd, she del discovers the burglary and uh contacts the authorities, and the investigators are able to find the location based on the MacBook and data from the Range Rover.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
27:14
SPEAKER_05: And uh they uh so it's basically like find my felony.
27:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: I think we got a show title.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
27:27
SPEAKER_05: Um it was actually a couple, I think it's actually like a romantic couple that was involved in the theft.
27:32
SPEAKER_05: So it's a couple of things.
27:32
SPEAKER_05: Oh hell yeah.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: Bonnie and Clyde touched it.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:36
SPEAKER_04: You gotta find someone that rocks with you.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: He's gonna go home and pitch a burglary to his wife today.
27:42
SPEAKER_04: We do white collar crimes, that's all.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: So do we.
27:48
SPEAKER_05: So um the the lady was found in when they came to the uh location when they located it.
27:55
SPEAKER_05: Uh the lady was found in the bedroom, but the man, he was hiding in a closet, but uh they ended up locating him and and getting him out of the closet.
28:05
SPEAKER_04: So he came out the closet for art county recreation.
28:14
SPEAKER_04: I'm not coming out of this closet.
28:23
SPEAKER_05: Not with my hands up, like now that's a different kind of crime, but anyways, yeah, so um, so while searching the suspect's residence, and this is all alleged, this is an ongoing investigation, this just happened in August, so no one's been convicted yet.
28:42
SPEAKER_05: Uh, so they are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
28:46
SPEAKER_05: But apparently the uh police, when they were searching the apartment, they didn't just find the uh uh uh documents and jewelry and monies or whatever from the original couple of Henry and Adam.
28:58
SPEAKER_05: No, no, they actually found multiple identification documents and equipment consistent with producing and altering fraudulent IDs and other persons' identification.
29:09
SPEAKER_05: The couple?
29:10
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
29:12
SPEAKER_05: They also found a Ford F 250.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: These are white-collar crimes.
29:19
SPEAKER_05: Uh, but so they found a F F uh 250 with an altered VIN number.
29:24
SPEAKER_05: Uh it had been stolen from someone else.
29:27
SPEAKER_05: Uh, they found firearms, other laptops, other passports, boxes.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: These people were meant for each other, boy.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
29:34
SPEAKER_04: Love right there.
29:35
SPEAKER_04: This is like a bigger thing, this is like an international people.
29:38
SPEAKER_05: Right.
29:38
SPEAKER_04: Like these are people, yeah, because these people have to have like a rubric on what they're doing and what's it for.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: They have it down to a science at that point, I feel like.
29:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they found boxes and boxes of documents potentially connected to other victims.
29:53
SPEAKER_05: Secret Service, ATF, and Bureau of Diplomatic Security are now involved.
29:57
SPEAKER_05: Oh, you know.
29:58
SPEAKER_04: I know you fucked up.
29:59
SPEAKER_04: Say what are they Chinese?
30:01
SPEAKER_05: Uh no.
30:01
SPEAKER_05: Well, I they're Hispanic.
30:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh Garcia Impada.
30:04
SPEAKER_05: Wait, it's a uh no, I'm sorry, it's Garcia's the last name of the man, and then the woman is uh Perdomo.
30:11
SPEAKER_05: So maybe she's Italian.
30:12
SPEAKER_05: Oh, and you're Mexican, right?
30:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
30:15
SPEAKER_05: Uh oh, wait a second.
30:16
SPEAKER_04: No, no, I've been.
30:18
SPEAKER_04: Are you on the run?
30:19
SPEAKER_05: California for weeks now.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: Breaking news.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: Surprise, bring them in, guns.
30:27
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, so uh they were no longer just doing a story about hey, these two people stole a range of room porish.
30:33
SPEAKER_05: Now it's uh international Cuban spies, yeah, exactly.
30:38
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I yeah, I like how you just moved it over from Mexican to Cuban.
30:41
SPEAKER_04: If it's on the Florida side, most likely.
30:44
SPEAKER_04: It's probably true.
30:46
SPEAKER_05: Maybe Puerto Rican.
30:47
SPEAKER_04: Maybe or Argentinian.
30:49
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's true.
30:50
SPEAKER_04: Argentinian spies are coming in.
30:52
SPEAKER_05: Colombian.
30:52
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's getting real racial.
30:53
SPEAKER_04: We we already got Venezuela.
30:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's true.
30:56
SPEAKER_04: That's true.
30:56
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
30:57
SPEAKER_05: So um yeah, kind of wild, huh?
31:02
SPEAKER_04: It makes it, it's it's I feel like there's a there is another layer to this crime.
31:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
31:08
SPEAKER_04: Like I feel like it's espionage to a degree.
31:10
SPEAKER_04: Okay because if they're taking identities and they're taking like stuff that are from people who are past, it's a the in it's more than likely they they were they were hoping the insurance would just cover it all.
31:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh, these people died, but now they have their stuff covered.
31:29
SPEAKER_04: Because they have to have homeowner insurance.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: You would think so.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they and probably life insurance and all that.
31:34
SPEAKER_04: Probably all of that stuff that was being covered.
31:36
SPEAKER_04: So if they they were either like somehow close to the people on the helicopter or they were going through the obituaries all two people were gone and needed to get two new identities.
31:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's possible.
31:50
SPEAKER_05: Um it's also possible that maybe it was an inside job.
31:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, the house cleaning lady, or maybe uh someone who has recently done work on the uh home, maybe uh like a construction person, maybe someone who was a business associate that knew that they had passed away.
32:07
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, I mean there's there's a lot because apparently um the the individuals that went in, I think that they knew uh it seems like when they watched the video, I think they knew where things were kind of and knew where the security system had to turn it off.
32:20
SPEAKER_05: So there's that aspect too.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of digging like the the construction theory.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: Uh because uh I don't know if you ever watched Breaking Bed.
32:28
SPEAKER_05: A little bit.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: Um but they end up uh getting with this uh group of guys that does um they're exterminators, they get rid of bugs, uh-huh, but then they come back a few months later and rob the house.
32:41
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's possible.
32:42
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so apparently um the police uh aren't ruling out inside help because they said uh whoever entered the home apparently knew to go behind the liquor cabinet to disable and remove the system security.
32:56
SPEAKER_05: Um so here's another interesting aspect though, and then we're gonna wrap that up.
33:01
SPEAKER_05: So apparently when they get to the uh, you know, they've been arrested, they're going to their first hearing, uh the individual's defense attorney is like, but but but but wait, they had permission to go inside the house.
33:16
SPEAKER_05: Uh the Mr.
33:18
SPEAKER_05: Garcia, Mr.
33:19
SPEAKER_05: Garcia, yeah, his his attorney.
33:21
SPEAKER_05: He says that Mr.
33:22
SPEAKER_05: Garcia had permission to enter the residence and possess the vehicles.
33:26
SPEAKER_05: Uh here's the document to show you.
33:28
SPEAKER_05: It's signed by Henry and Adam, witnesses, and a notary.
33:32
SPEAKER_05: But the heirs of Adam and Henry are like, no, this is a forged document.
33:37
SPEAKER_05: This is not correct.
33:39
SPEAKER_05: There's no way these people don't know each other.
33:41
SPEAKER_05: So the judge, she's expressing skepticism of this document as well.
33:45
SPEAKER_05: So so not only have you gotten yourself into this espionage international crime ring potentially, uh, stealing identities, stealing firearms, stealing artwork and money.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: They got a lawyer with like forged documents and shit, like it goes deeper than like the surface level.
34:00
SPEAKER_04: That's even scarier because that's a wire, that's a wired pro fraud.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:05
SPEAKER_04: Forge documents.
34:06
SPEAKER_05: I don't know, I don't know that it would be a wire fraud, but it's it's forging documents, and that's that's another problem.
34:11
SPEAKER_05: That's another crime.
34:12
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
34:12
SPEAKER_05: So um, so yeah, so we're looking at potential uh burglary of an unoccupied dwelling, grand theft of a vehicle, first degree grand theft of property over uh a hundred thousand dollars.
34:23
SPEAKER_05: They both have been held without bonds, and um uh per domo sh is uh basically subject to an immigration hold, that is my understanding.
34:32
SPEAKER_05: And their arraignment is expected for September.
34:36
SPEAKER_05: So yeah.
34:37
SPEAKER_05: So more information to come.
34:39
SPEAKER_05: Charges have uh, I think might there might be more than these charges, depending on what they continue to investigate and find out, and there might be more defendants.
34:47
SPEAKER_05: So they think that this is actually more bigger than just uh Garcia and Perdomo.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's gotta be, yeah, yeah, it's gotta be deep.
34:53
SPEAKER_04: It's gotta be the first rodeo because they were ready with the forged documents.
34:57
SPEAKER_04: Correct.
34:58
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they had uh yeah, the guy, the notary on on hand.
35:02
SPEAKER_05: Well, then and they'll know real quick because a notary actually, you know if the notary has been stolen, uh, you know if it's been forged.
35:09
SPEAKER_05: So so that will be pretty quick to figure out if that's been faked or not.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: Unless they have a notary in their pocket, too.
35:16
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but that notary has to say basically under penalty of perjury that this is accurate.
35:21
SPEAKER_04: So I mean that'd be a twist if the if um what was his name?
35:26
SPEAKER_04: Rodrigo or Garcia Garcia, yeah.
35:29
SPEAKER_04: Garcia was the notarer.
35:31
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, technically he's got the right not to say anything at all.
35:36
SPEAKER_05: Right.
35:36
SPEAKER_05: So, like but he actually offered yeah.
35:43
SPEAKER_04: That would just get out of jail.
35:44
SPEAKER_04: Wait, wait, wait.
35:45
SPEAKER_04: We were supposed to be here earlier.
35:47
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yes, and how convenient the two people that are involved are are no longer here, so they can't say yes or no, right?
35:55
SPEAKER_05: So now it's up to the heirs of uh Henry and Adam, but maybe it was a hit, anyways.
35:59
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, well, what do you got for us this week, Tonio?
36:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh I actually did not bring a crime this week.
36:03
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I wrote down some questions for you guys.
36:07
SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: And uh based on your answers, I'm going to give you a prison survival rating.
36:15
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
36:17
SPEAKER_05: Have you ever been to prison?
36:19
SPEAKER_05: No.
36:19
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
36:20
SPEAKER_04: I pride myself on that.
36:22
SPEAKER_05: And and kudos to you for not saying that marriage is a prison.
36:26
SPEAKER_05: So there you go.
36:30
SPEAKER_05: You can't say that.
36:31
SPEAKER_05: She might watch this.
36:33
SPEAKER_05: She will watch this.
36:34
SPEAKER_05: Oh, she will.
36:35
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
36:35
SPEAKER_05: I think she might be our 80th subscriber.
36:39
SPEAKER_05: I think I'll be.
36:41
SPEAKER_05: Yay.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: All right.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: Here's the situation.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: You walk into the chow hall, which is what they call the cafeteria, right?
36:49
SPEAKER_00: And you go to sit down in an empty seat, and someone says, somebody sitting here, and they say it with an attitude, what do you do?
36:59
SPEAKER_05: Uh I probably get up and move.
37:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I did get up and move.
37:03
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
37:04
SPEAKER_00: The correct answer is punch them in the head.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: Don't let nobody talk to you like that.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: Ever.
37:11
SPEAKER_05: Do you think these are the same for women's prison versus men's prison?
37:15
SPEAKER_00: Uh I don't know.
37:17
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
37:18
unknown: Yeah.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: I've never been in a women's prison.
37:21
SPEAKER_05: Yet.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't think I would survive.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's a whole different animal.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Like the women have to get their hot dogs cut up before they're served to them.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: That's a whole different level of savagery that I'm not ready for, dude.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's allegedly.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: All right.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: Allegedly.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure you can fact check that, actually.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: Uh all right.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: Second question.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: You're playing Uno.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: Someone accuses you of cheating.
37:53
SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
37:54
SPEAKER_04: You have to fight that guy.
37:56
SPEAKER_04: That is also the correct answer.
37:58
SPEAKER_04: Punch them in the face.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: If they're a gang member, then it's probably good for them to ask for permission, or you're gonna get jumped.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: You're probably still gonna get jumped.
38:10
SPEAKER_05: Can I answer the question?
38:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:11
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna Uno reverse my way out of there.
38:15
SPEAKER_05: You're gonna get fucking shanked.
38:20
SPEAKER_03: That's your survival rate here.
38:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's boss.
38:23
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
38:24
SPEAKER_04: This guy.
38:25
SPEAKER_04: We were playing Uno and I want him dead.
38:28
SPEAKER_05: Like I'm gonna skip that turn.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: All right, you ready for the next question?
38:37
SPEAKER_00: Someone offers you a honey bun in exchange for a favor.
38:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you say no?
38:43
SPEAKER_00: Not a it doesn't necessarily mean a sexual favor.
38:46
SPEAKER_05: Well, what's a honey bun?
38:47
SPEAKER_04: You don't take anyone's honey bun.
38:49
SPEAKER_04: It's like a sweet meeting.
38:50
SPEAKER_04: It's like a sweet treat.
38:50
SPEAKER_05: It's like a little I don't want to make sure what I what I'm setting up for here.
38:54
SPEAKER_05: Like, is it a honey bun like an actual like okay?
38:58
SPEAKER_05: Make sure it's not like some pseudonym for something else.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, like like a honey bun.
39:04
SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, I'm not that hungry, so I'm gonna pass.
39:07
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna diet.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: That's that's the correct answer.
39:11
SPEAKER_00: That that is a hundred percent the correct answer.
39:16
SPEAKER_04: I am no one's friend here.
39:17
SPEAKER_04: I'm leaving soon.
39:20
SPEAKER_04: I'm in here for white-collar crimes.
39:24
SPEAKER_04: I will forge your documents.
39:30
SPEAKER_05: Okay, now I have a question for you.
39:32
SPEAKER_05: Hit me.
39:32
SPEAKER_05: How did your roast battle go last night?
39:34
SPEAKER_00: I won.
39:34
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
39:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
39:35
SPEAKER_05: Awesome.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: I was a little high and having trouble remembering my jokes as usual.
39:41
SPEAKER_05: Uh but you can have notes though, right?
39:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, so I was I was regional.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: Uh there were four judges.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: I won three to one.
39:51
SPEAKER_05: Oh, amazing.
39:53
SPEAKER_05: I have to ask, did you use the Amish joke?
39:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't think so.
39:58
SPEAKER_00: I I saw the guy dude, I had like 50 written down.
40:01
SPEAKER_05: I had the guy that he roasted, I I he had his beard look like a like he got a barber from his barber's name is Jeddah, so I guess you look there.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: So Jeddah was on Finn, though.
40:15
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, gotta say that, but oh well.
40:17
SPEAKER_04: Maybe that's with his shears, Jibba Dia coming here.
40:23
SPEAKER_05: He use he use hand he uses uh uh like handheld shears, like manual shears cut by candlelight.
40:32
SPEAKER_04: Well, like I oh man, like um the Amish, they're crazy people.
40:37
SPEAKER_04: Like, I anytime I talk to somebody from Pennsylvania, I'm like, are you from Amish, Pennsylvania, or City, Pennsylvania?
40:45
SPEAKER_04: Because it's a clear difference.
40:46
SPEAKER_04: Amish, Pennsylvania is just nothing but woods, like they have cousins and cousins out there just dating each other, but they're nice people.
40:55
SPEAKER_05: They also have like funny, I feel like they have funny like road names.
40:59
SPEAKER_05: Like where at in Amish country.
41:03
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't know.
41:04
SPEAKER_05: Because my parents went there one time.
41:05
SPEAKER_05: I want to say like I want to say, like, they it's uh like a street will be like blue balls, and like I mean it's something insane.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: Like they have like but it's like the at the corner of blue balls and rim job avenue.
41:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can find crystal there.
41:20
SPEAKER_04: They all have like wholesome backstories.
41:23
SPEAKER_04: Blue balls is when we used to play as children with the balls, they let us out on that road from our playtime with books that we wrote with papers that we made.
41:36
SPEAKER_05: Do you think that you could uh you think you could live Amish style?
41:41
SPEAKER_04: No, I couldn't do it.
41:42
SPEAKER_04: I could not.
41:42
SPEAKER_04: I I I traced back like my my uh heritage, not even my heritage, I my my personality slash my my I guess DNA type to like how I would be prehistorically.
41:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
41:57
SPEAKER_04: Prehistorically, I would I'm probably the guy staying up late, making sure we don't get eaten by saber tooth tigers.
42:02
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
42:03
SPEAKER_04: Just because I, you know, nocturnal.
42:05
SPEAKER_04: Not very nocturnal, very much.
42:06
SPEAKER_04: I wake up at 5 p.m.
42:08
SPEAKER_04: This type of like my body wakes up at 5 p.m.
42:11
SPEAKER_00: You look paranoid.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh you look like you don't walk past a window without doing this.
42:15
SPEAKER_04: I don't.
42:16
SPEAKER_04: I don't look twice, I don't like look at someone less like less than three times.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: I do the same thing, and that's a prison habit.
42:23
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because it's scary.
42:24
SPEAKER_04: Life is scary, but at night time I feel way more comfortable.
42:28
SPEAKER_04: There's less people around, everyone's kind of calmed down, everything's chiller, yeah.
42:33
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so that's why I was like, an Amish country, no, you have to wake up early, you all you have to be around a lot of people, you have to like just be present all the time.
42:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, fuck that.
42:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
42:48
SPEAKER_05: I don't I don't think I could do it.
42:50
SPEAKER_05: I wish I I wish I could say I could, but I don't think I could.
42:53
unknown: No.
42:53
SPEAKER_00: No, I know for a fact I could not.
42:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: There's fuck no.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm not I can't imagine waking up in the morning without my fucking thousand dollar espresso machine.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: Like I just don't I don't think I could do it.
43:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
43:09
SPEAKER_04: No, I'm I'm definitely like if I had a like in the past, I if past lives, I was probably uh a runaway, a pirate, uh a try like a traveler that because like I don't like staying in certain cities too long.
43:25
SPEAKER_04: Like I have to like at least travel to a different city every few days.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's a prerequisite for the kind of glasses you have, huh?
43:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you have to be a bit of a nomad.
43:37
SPEAKER_00: A hunter-gatherer, perhaps.
43:40
SPEAKER_04: I I feel like it's also like an artist's kind of spirit.
43:43
SPEAKER_04: Oh, for sure.
43:43
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
43:44
SPEAKER_04: I don't care what you guys think.
43:47
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you think that's good?
43:49
SPEAKER_04: You would.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know it's good, bitch.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: I wrote it.
43:55
SPEAKER_05: Amazing.
43:56
SPEAKER_05: Well, I think we've come to the end of this episode.
43:59
SPEAKER_05: So thank you so much for joining us today.
44:01
SPEAKER_05: This was fun.
44:01
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
44:02
SPEAKER_05: So fun.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hell yeah, we had a good time.
44:04
SPEAKER_00: We want to hear from you.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: Get in our DMs, email us at no one gets hurtpod at gmail.com or hit us up on Instagram at no one gets hurtpod.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: Tell us you love us, tell us you hate us.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: Tell me that my fucking hairline is receding.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: Just something.
44:23
SPEAKER_00: Hit us up.
44:24
SPEAKER_00: We want to hear from you.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you've been scammed, or you know someone that's been scammed.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: Let us know.
44:29
SPEAKER_04: Where can we find you?
44:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, uh Google Johnny Roque.
44:33
SPEAKER_04: J-O-H-N-N-Y-R-O-K-U-E.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: Hands down, this guy's gotta be the most famous guy we've had on the podcast because no one else has been like, bitch, Google me.
44:42
SPEAKER_00: Google me.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Everyone's like, here's my Instagram.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: Let me let me plug my YouTube.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: This motherfucker sick.
44:48
SPEAKER_00: Google me.
44:49
SPEAKER_05: Thank you so much.
44:51
SPEAKER_05: Have a great time, you guys.
44:52
SPEAKER_05: Uh, have a nice week, whatever ahead, and see you next time.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: Peace.
44:57
SPEAKER_00: I love this fucking podcast.
44:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: I have the best co host anyone could ever fucking ask for.
45:03
SPEAKER_00: We have the greatest guests on fucking planet earth.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, I absolutely love this shit.
45:09
SPEAKER_05: Me too.
45:10
SPEAKER_05: Me too.