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"I Need Your Help": The Best Way to Address Annoying Habits · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for April 29th, 2026 I need your help, the best way to address annoying habits.
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  So you have decided you need to address that annoying thing your spouse does
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  or does not do. How do you go about it? There are two situations.
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  The first is you have put up with it silently for a good while.
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  Maybe you once complained but have stopped.
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  Maybe you never said a word about it. The other situation is you have talked
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  about it repeatedly and your spouse either ignores you or promises change that never comes.
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  One thing that is important for both these situations is being ready to hear
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  about what you do that annoys them.
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  Make that part of your conversation, both to take the sting out of it and because
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  they're putting up with things you do is hurting them and your marriage.
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  And, of course, pick a good time and be kind. So, if you've been silent about
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  it, start by admitting you are part of the problem because you have not brought it up.
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  Saying you thought you should be okay with it or that it's become more annoying will help.
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  Frame it as, I need your help, and avoid making what they do wrong.
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  Tell them whatever it is bothers you and that it is affecting your relationship negatively.
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  Some issues will take a bit of creativity. If his music bothers you,
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  then he needs headphones.
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  If her being on her phone is an issue, establish phone-free times,
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  such as at dinner, or phone-free places, such as the bedroom.
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  If the issue is being late, discuss it. If your spouse is opposed to being early, live with that.
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  If getting the kids makes her late, then help with the kids.
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  The other situation, you've brought it up and it has not changed.
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  Hopefully it's a matter of an ingrained habit. If it's not caring about you,
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  that's a much bigger issue.
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  Habits can be hard to break, but it can be done.
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  Start by letting your spouse know this has become a big deal for you.
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  Beyond the annoyance, their lack of response makes you feel unimportant or unloved.
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  Don't be too dramatic, but help them understand it's a bigger issue than just
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  something that they do that they feel is insignificant.
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  You can help with habit-breaking by coming up with a phrase or signal that tells
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  your spouse when they are doing the thing.
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  If you can do that in a light way, with a bit of humor, that will help.
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  And of course, when they get it right, be quick to praise them.
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  And doing it five times today rather than their usual 20 is something to praise.
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  This is Paul reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.