Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / MENS MENTAL HEALTH - a conversation we all need to hear and have ❤️‍🩹

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MENS MENTAL HEALTH - a conversation we all need to hear and have ❤️‍🩹 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Appogiae Production.
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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm actually Bynes.
0:15
Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn.
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Speaker 1: Laugh, and level up together.
0:18
Speaker 2: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, find the lessons
0:21
Speaker 2: to grow and glow. Nothing is off the table with
0:24
Speaker 2: Grow and Glow, and I'm here to be your expander. Well,
0:30
Speaker 2: hello everybody, welcome back to Grow and Glow. If you
0:33
Speaker 2: missed Monday's episode, we had the beautiful Ryan on here
0:36
Speaker 2: and we've got you back for another episode, so thanks
0:38
Speaker 2: for joining us.
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Speaker 3: My pleasure.
0:40
Speaker 2: So today we are talking about men's mental health, so
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Speaker 2: I wanted to start out by asking your opinion, why
0:46
Speaker 2: do you think women are so much I don't say better,
0:50
Speaker 2: but we are better at talking about our emotions and
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Speaker 2: sharing our feelings. My husband always says that he goes
0:55
Speaker 2: like you go share everything with each other, whereas men
0:58
Speaker 2: just they're so much more guarded. Whereas like we give
1:01
Speaker 2: the biggest meta report like you're here at the end
1:03
Speaker 2: of the day, I will tell my husband every thing
1:05
Speaker 2: that happened, everything I feel. It's just like word vomit,
1:08
Speaker 2: and he does so well to hold the space, but
1:10
Speaker 2: it is just easier for women. I think, why do
1:12
Speaker 2: you think so.
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Speaker 3: So I really relate that back to the masculine and
1:14
Speaker 3: feminine energy. The feminine energy is the expression of energy,
1:18
Speaker 3: it's the movement of energy. So even as a man,
1:21
Speaker 3: when he is expressing or feeling or in his body,
1:25
Speaker 3: he's in his feminine right. So for women, they're typically
1:28
Speaker 3: more in their feminine energy, and for them to feel
1:31
Speaker 3: and express and move their energy, it's amazing, like natural
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Speaker 3: for us. When there's a woman expressing to me and
1:36
Speaker 3: she's going on and on and on and on and on.
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Speaker 3: In my head, I'm like, wow, that's so cute, Yeah, beautiful, Yeah,
1:42
Speaker 3: and feels safe.
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Speaker 1: She's in a natural essence. Yeah.
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Speaker 3: Yeah. And as a man, like when you understand that expression,
1:49
Speaker 3: what's really important in this is you provoke it. So cool,
1:52
Speaker 3: tell me more about that, I feel, Oh, I would
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Speaker 3: love to know. Instead of most men will try and
1:57
Speaker 3: find problems and go, how can I solve that one? Yeah,
2:00
Speaker 3: and that one and that one for you, instead of
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Speaker 3: actually just listening and provoking your EXPRESSI yeah. And then
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Speaker 3: the masculine is the logical is the bringing it back
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Speaker 3: to the energy. The masculine is the awareness, is the
2:12
Speaker 3: holding of the space of the expression of her energy, right,
2:17
Speaker 3: But typically when a man is disconnected from his feminine
2:20
Speaker 3: energy within himself, he'll be disconnected from his heart in
2:23
Speaker 3: that moment. So what's most important is a man having
2:26
Speaker 3: a relationship between his head and his heart, because when
2:29
Speaker 3: he's in his heart, then he can actually hold space,
2:31
Speaker 3: be connected to himself and not see her expression as
2:35
Speaker 3: a burden or a problem to solve. So yeah, I
2:38
Speaker 3: like to bring it back to that instead of like
2:39
Speaker 3: the nuance of the ins and outs of a relationship.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.
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Speaker 2: And the more a man provokes that, I know, when
2:46
Speaker 2: Steve asks those further questions, it's like the more drawn
2:49
Speaker 2: I am to him, the more I just want to
2:51
Speaker 2: be close to him, the more safe I feel. Then
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Speaker 2: that obviously affects that intimacy and it just beautiful overflow
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Speaker 2: into the relationship.
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Speaker 1: So it's just it works so well together.
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Speaker 3: I love thinking about it like this, cave men cave
3:04
Speaker 3: women days, right you back. Yeah, the men go out
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Speaker 3: and hunt, they see a problem, they go after it,
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Speaker 3: they kill it, they bring it back home to provide.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: Women, they see a problem, they come back to the
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Speaker 3: village and speak about the problem and solve the problem
3:19
Speaker 3: by speaking about it by coming up with a solution
3:23
Speaker 3: how they're going to execute the problem. But the men
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Speaker 3: just go after it, kill it, bring it back. It's
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Speaker 3: like very simple, is it?
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Speaker 1: When you put it like that? It's so simple? Love that.
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Speaker 2: And I've got a little boy, he's nine. He's very expressive,
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Speaker 2: like I think, from a young age. Probably going back
3:39
Speaker 2: to our episode on Monday, like you kind of parent
3:42
Speaker 2: the opposite. Well, I think I'm parenting the opposite as
3:44
Speaker 2: to how I got parented. Is that a word parented? Anyways,
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Speaker 2: I've always tried to encourage him to really feel all
3:50
Speaker 2: his emotions and teach him what each of them mean,
3:52
Speaker 2: and then give him different outlets to express it. So
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Speaker 2: if he's angry, let's go punch the pillow, or just
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Speaker 2: to be very emotionally aware. Apart from doing that, is
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Speaker 2: there any other way that you can advise and help us.
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Speaker 2: If we've got some brothers, dad's husbands to feel more safer,
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Speaker 2: to express their emotions, how can we as women help
4:11
Speaker 2: them more?
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Speaker 3: I think that's really beautiful that you create that space
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Speaker 3: for your boy to feel his anger, because anger is
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Speaker 3: such a powerful emotion for men, and it's actually anger
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Speaker 3: is a protector when we've lost our anger in childhood
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Speaker 3: because it was either shamed, or it was dismissed, or
4:28
Speaker 3: was shut down, or if you got angry at your parents,
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Speaker 3: they took love away from you. That's really important. A
4:34
Speaker 3: little boy needs to be able to be angry at
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Speaker 3: his mum or dad and they will still love him
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Speaker 3: and they won't pull love away. The reason why we
4:41
Speaker 3: do that is it actually creates separation from the dependency
4:44
Speaker 3: stage to the independent stage as a boy, and I
4:47
Speaker 3: take men through a process of reclaiming their anger. So
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Speaker 3: it's really beautiful that you create that space for your boy.
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Speaker 3: I'm not a father, but I work with so many fathers,
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Speaker 3: and I know through my own journey, my own embodiment.
5:00
Speaker 3: I was a boy once and I know what I needed.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can take it back from yeah.
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Speaker 3: And in that was healthy masculine role models and leadership
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Speaker 3: from men, not necessarily the women. Now, how that really
5:13
Speaker 3: showed up for me because I didn't have that was
5:17
Speaker 3: as a man, I didn't go to men for help.
5:20
Speaker 3: I went to women. It was a lot easier for
5:22
Speaker 3: me to go to women. Now, the difference between going
5:25
Speaker 3: to a woman or to a man. As a man
5:28
Speaker 3: for support. For emotional support is typically when a man
5:31
Speaker 3: goes to a woman or his partner, that a little
5:34
Speaker 3: boy within him is seeking to be held. When he
5:37
Speaker 3: goes to a man, he's not being held like he
5:40
Speaker 3: does with a woman, right, and men need healthy masculine challenge.
5:45
Speaker 3: That's how we grow, that's how we actually develop and grow.
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Speaker 3: So when a man has a safety within himself to
5:52
Speaker 3: go to men, it's to the right men. And when
5:56
Speaker 3: he has the healthy role models and representation of healthy masculinity,
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Speaker 3: when he grows up, he will be and go to
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Speaker 3: the right men in his challenge in his emotion, will
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Speaker 3: be not only supported but also challenged to be better
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Speaker 3: as well. They won't hold him in the victimhood of
6:13
Speaker 3: being that right, So there's very big difference. One really
6:16
Speaker 3: important thing that happens or needs to happen with men
6:19
Speaker 3: is the right of passage from boy to man and
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Speaker 3: the separation from the little boy and his mother. Energetically yep,
6:28
Speaker 3: now think of it this way. When you come out
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Speaker 3: of the womb as a baby, like you have the
6:32
Speaker 3: ambilical cord right, which is like your oxygen supply. Now,
6:36
Speaker 3: even though that cord is cut, energetically, it's not. No,
6:40
Speaker 3: So the mother's still got the oxygen mask on this boy.
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Speaker 3: So there's two things that will happen. She will either
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Speaker 3: over put that mask on and like just force it
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Speaker 3: on his face, or he'll have it on the mask
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Speaker 3: on his face, but there'll be like a limited supply
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Speaker 3: of oxygen coming through, which is like the lack of connection,
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Speaker 3: the lack of availability and love. Right, So it can
7:03
Speaker 3: go one of two.
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Speaker 1: Ways, can't be in between.
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Speaker 3: In between would be the healthy level, okay, right, But
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Speaker 3: one needs to happen is there needs to be an
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Speaker 3: energetic separation where the mask comes off and he learns
7:13
Speaker 3: how to breathe on his own.
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Speaker 1: I felt that at age seven, felt that energetic cord.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, And that's so between age seven to fourteen
7:21
Speaker 3: is typically what's been known where they take men from
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Speaker 3: the women and they he goes and lives with the
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Speaker 3: uncles of the men, and he goes through his right
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Speaker 3: of passage.
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Speaker 2: Yes, you go, because I felt that heavily at seven.
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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, I feel disconnected with him,
7:33
Speaker 2: but I kind of do. There's something happening here.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And a big issue is if you're in a
7:37
Speaker 3: girl was still wounded, operating from her wounding, her anxiousness
7:42
Speaker 3: or anxious attachment would have come out. No no, no, no
7:46
Speaker 3: no no.
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Speaker 1: Right, probably did.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And here's the thing. We only need to have
7:51
Speaker 3: our needs met in childhood. Thirty percent of the time
7:54
Speaker 3: I have.
7:54
Speaker 1: Heard that start. That is wild to me?
7:57
Speaker 3: How yeah?
7:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 3: Studies have shown twenty eight to like thirty four percent
8:03
Speaker 3: of the time having our knee. It's meant we can
8:05
Speaker 3: develop secure touch.
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Speaker 2: Which is awesome for all parents to hear it because
8:10
Speaker 2: none of us get it right all the time, and
8:12
Speaker 2: we always say it sounds awful, But I feel like
8:14
Speaker 2: when a fuck our kids up one way or another,
8:16
Speaker 2: like from missing the micro moments or just coming from
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Speaker 2: our own wounds, our own experiences being disregulated, going through
8:22
Speaker 2: our own shit like but that stat I feel like
8:24
Speaker 2: all parents need to hear.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh okay, you do you do it all right?
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Speaker 3: Yeah? And I think it's important as well to allow
8:30
Speaker 3: a child to go through their own hero's journey.
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Speaker 2: Yes right, not shelter them from all their pain and
8:35
Speaker 2: like discomfort, because we know how much growth we get
8:38
Speaker 2: from that.
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Speaker 3: Yep. I wouldn't be the man I am today if
8:40
Speaker 3: I didn't go through the deep emotional abandment that I experienced.
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Speaker 1: Same, they're so grateful for it.
8:44
Speaker 3: Yeah.
8:44
Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: I actually asked my coach, as an older coach, they
8:47
Speaker 2: had him for like three years, Taylor sirs or you'd
8:49
Speaker 2: love them at Chelsea his profile, But I.
8:51
Speaker 1: Remember saying to him, and I'd love your opinion on this.
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Speaker 2: I went through a lot as a child with my
8:57
Speaker 2: stepdad being out a home quite young. They're not being
9:00
Speaker 2: emotionally available, physical abuse, all of that, and hand in
9:03
Speaker 2: my heart, I'm so grateful for all because it made
9:06
Speaker 2: me who I am now, and I think it's made
9:07
Speaker 2: me a much better parent, and it made me seek
9:10
Speaker 2: a really incredible partner because I didn't have a healthy
9:13
Speaker 2: masculine role model.
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Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful for all.
9:16
Speaker 2: But I was like, how do I ensure that my
9:18
Speaker 2: kids get all those experiences that make them who they
9:21
Speaker 2: are without them having to go through as much turmoil
9:24
Speaker 2: and pain? Like I want them to not suffer, but
9:27
Speaker 2: go through the hard times. But then as a nurturing mum,
9:29
Speaker 2: I'm like.
9:29
Speaker 1: I want to protect you from all of it. What
9:31
Speaker 1: would your advice?
9:32
Speaker 3: You focus on your relationship? Yeah, yeah, and for your
9:37
Speaker 3: kids to see how mum and dad care cannot be
9:40
Speaker 3: okay and then come back together so beautiful.
9:43
Speaker 2: Okay, and even within myself, I could not be having
9:46
Speaker 2: a great time, but let them see how I manage that,
9:49
Speaker 2: how I look after myself.
9:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, bringing the duality back into things.
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Speaker 1: That's a skill set to have, right, So if you
9:54
Speaker 1: model that. Yeah.
9:56
Speaker 3: So one thing with the wounded in a child is
9:58
Speaker 3: that when someone's stuck in that energy of the wounded
10:00
Speaker 3: in a child, they are stuck in that way of thinking.
10:03
Speaker 3: They're stuck in that level of psychology. What happens in
10:07
Speaker 3: that level of thinking is black and white thinking. It's
10:09
Speaker 3: this all that right.
10:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what must have been where I was thinking, yeah, it's.
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Speaker 3: This all that and or it's not both right. So
10:15
Speaker 3: one thing I heard the other day that was really beautiful.
10:18
Speaker 3: It was on a podcast and it was like, healing
10:20
Speaker 3: is really when we go from black and white thinking
10:22
Speaker 3: to grey thinking.
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Speaker 1: Ah, like great, it's in the middle.
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Speaker 3: Yes, it's allowing the both, it's allowing the blend blend. Yes. Yeah,
10:30
Speaker 3: but it'd be really hard to be in that gray
10:34
Speaker 3: when that little boy. So if you think of like
10:37
Speaker 3: a child, it's like you either love me or you
10:39
Speaker 3: hate me, it's like this or that, And when you're
10:41
Speaker 3: stuck in that energy, it's like in relationship, it's like
10:44
Speaker 3: you're either loving me or you don't love me because
10:46
Speaker 3: you're not texting me. It's like this all that thinking. So, yeah,
10:50
Speaker 3: I can be great.
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Speaker 1: I love that.
10:52
Speaker 2: Say your man books in with you and you get
10:54
Speaker 2: in a session one on one and you're starting to
10:56
Speaker 2: have conversations.
10:57
Speaker 1: But he's just so resistant. He just got his walls up.
11:00
Speaker 2: He's got stories that you can't help him, stories that
11:03
Speaker 2: maybe he doesn't have wounds to heal, but they're there,
11:06
Speaker 2: so you know they want to work on it. Like,
11:08
Speaker 2: how do you break through those barriers and walls? Because
11:11
Speaker 2: I can imagine so many women are inviting their partners
11:14
Speaker 2: and wanting to go on this journey with them, but
11:16
Speaker 2: there's just like a brick wall that can't seem to
11:18
Speaker 2: like break down. How do you break through those barriers
11:20
Speaker 2: with men?
11:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need enough leverage for a man to create
11:23
Speaker 3: change leverage. Typically what you just explained is a massive
11:27
Speaker 3: red flag for me. And it's like I want to
11:29
Speaker 3: help him even more because I know how stuck he
11:31
Speaker 3: is in his head. When your emotional body or your
11:35
Speaker 3: heart's a painful place to be as a man. He
11:37
Speaker 3: disconnects from the chin down. Yeah. So this is why
11:41
Speaker 3: men's mental health is. I like it and I don't
11:43
Speaker 3: like it at the same time, because I work beyond
11:46
Speaker 3: the mind, and working with mental health is not working
11:51
Speaker 3: with what's actually happening in the body that's signaling the thinking.
11:56
Speaker 3: Someone has anxious thoughts, it's because they have anxiety in
11:58
Speaker 3: their body. Yeah. So that's why I like to.
12:01
Speaker 1: Come from stored stress or trauma.
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Speaker 3: So when I say enough leverage, what I do is
12:06
Speaker 3: I take a man into what would happen if nothing change,
12:11
Speaker 3: and for him to realize the pain that this anxiety
12:14
Speaker 3: that's stuck in his body is actually causing, and I say, hey, cool,
12:19
Speaker 3: are you open to trusting me? Right? There needs to
12:23
Speaker 3: be a massive level of safety that's created for a
12:26
Speaker 3: man to go into his heart.
12:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.
12:28
Speaker 3: The longest road a man will ever go on is
12:30
Speaker 3: from his head to his heart. The hardest road he'll
12:32
Speaker 3: ever go on is from his head to his heart.
12:34
Speaker 3: And one thing that I love so much about what
12:38
Speaker 3: I get to do and I'm so passionate about, is
12:41
Speaker 3: watching men's journey from their head to the heart. It's
12:43
Speaker 3: the most powerful, beautiful thing. Yeah, so cool.
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Speaker 2: I feel like the coaches that Steve's worked with, we've
12:50
Speaker 2: done like a couple sessions together and single ones. But
12:52
Speaker 2: the two men that we both work with together and
12:54
Speaker 2: he does solo sessions with one of them, I could
12:57
Speaker 2: instantly see a shift in Steve's energy once he was
13:01
Speaker 2: actually with that man. It was a sense of safety
13:04
Speaker 2: and that like broke his walls down so quickly, and
13:06
Speaker 2: it was so cool to witness another man be able
13:09
Speaker 2: to do that with him, And he's still coaching with
13:11
Speaker 2: this man like so many years later. So I'm assuming
13:14
Speaker 2: once men get in a room with you or a
13:16
Speaker 2: sky for whatever, and no one else is around and
13:17
Speaker 2: they can just drop in and be with you, I
13:20
Speaker 2: assume the waves would get broken down pretty quickly. But
13:23
Speaker 2: I think a lot of women and I know because
13:25
Speaker 2: I used to it this years ago, is I would
13:27
Speaker 2: come from a place of criticizing, of saying what he's
13:29
Speaker 2: doing wrong and he needs to fix this, and like
13:31
Speaker 2: threats even and that just isn't that's.
13:33
Speaker 1: Not going to help, right, absolutely not safe safety.
13:36
Speaker 3: It's going to push a man even further away from Yeah,
13:39
Speaker 3: like I shared in the previous episode. A man's transformation
13:44
Speaker 3: really needs to come from a place of empowerment. Yes,
13:46
Speaker 3: he doesn't want you to mother him and be his
13:49
Speaker 3: mother sex tell him to pick his clothes up from
13:51
Speaker 3: the floor. It's like, he doesn't want that, and you
13:53
Speaker 3: don't want that either. Actually some do from the wound. Yeah, right,
13:58
Speaker 3: when that little boy within him is playing out, he's
14:01
Speaker 3: unconsciously seeking to have a woman, right, the mother that
14:06
Speaker 3: he didn't receive. Right, So that's another that typically shows up.
14:11
Speaker 3: But yeah, you know, the journey from the head to
14:13
Speaker 3: the heart is the most beautiful, so beautiful.
14:15
Speaker 2: Yep, I wrote down a stat that's really really heartbreaking,
14:18
Speaker 2: but I think it's important to speak about. Over the
14:21
Speaker 2: three thousand lives lost to suicide each year, approximately seventy
14:25
Speaker 2: five percent of them are men.
14:27
Speaker 1: That blew my mind.
14:29
Speaker 2: So a total of two four hundred and fifty five
14:32
Speaker 2: men died last year by suicide compared to seven hundred
14:35
Speaker 2: and ninety four of women. They're huge numbers. That is massive,
14:41
Speaker 2: and that's why I think I'm so passionate on like
14:44
Speaker 2: creating a safe place for my little boy to express,
14:47
Speaker 2: understand and acknowledge all of his feelings and making sure
14:50
Speaker 2: that all of them are welcome, because I just think, like,
14:53
Speaker 2: these stats need to go down. And it starts with us.
14:56
Speaker 2: For women, it starts with us creating safe places for
14:58
Speaker 2: our men to express. And with men, it's finding those
15:01
Speaker 2: safe people, but also being brave enough to lean in
15:04
Speaker 2: and put your hand up when you not okay, and
15:06
Speaker 2: do you work with a lot of men that are
15:08
Speaker 2: coming to you and are like I'm at my wits end,
15:10
Speaker 2: Like I just don't want to be here anymore.
15:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, It's typically a relationship breakdown, Is.
15:15
Speaker 1: That the main thing? Really?
15:16
Speaker 3: It's either that, yeah, or loss of purpose meaning right, Yeah,
15:22
Speaker 3: So it's either their partner leaves them, their marriage, the
15:24
Speaker 3: divorce is going down the drain, or she's leaving him,
15:27
Speaker 3: or she's found someone else or whatever. And then not
15:30
Speaker 3: only that, the carry on effect of the and this
15:34
Speaker 3: is the shadow of the feminine, the dark feminine, which
15:37
Speaker 3: is manipulation, the shadow of that, the wounding of the feminine, manipulation,
15:41
Speaker 3: and what men experience on the backside of that is
15:44
Speaker 3: the manipulation of a woman through a divorce with money, kids, children,
15:49
Speaker 3: all of it. And it's the most heartbreaking thing to
15:51
Speaker 3: see and experience. And I hold a lot of men
15:54
Speaker 3: that go through that, and sometimes I sit there, I'm like, yeah, bro,
15:58
Speaker 3: like I got you. Yeah, there's nothing that can happen here.
16:01
Speaker 3: I'm here. I've got you. So that's all.
16:03
Speaker 1: Just know, you need to hear someone just saying I've
16:06
Speaker 1: got you.
16:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, makes any teary thinking about it, because you just
16:11
Speaker 2: we've all heard so many stories where the kids get
16:13
Speaker 2: taken away or you know, different things happen.
16:16
Speaker 1: It just I can't even imagine for a man what
16:18
Speaker 1: that must feel like.
16:20
Speaker 3: Lonely, low, dark, and all he wants to do is
16:23
Speaker 3: just provide. Yeah. Yeah, he just wants to give his heart,
16:26
Speaker 3: serve and provide. And it's because of that energy he's
16:28
Speaker 3: pushed them away.
16:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
16:31
Speaker 3: The second thing that normally happens is a loss of
16:33
Speaker 3: purpose or lack of purpose in life. Now. As I
16:36
Speaker 3: shared before in the previous episode, the distraction from the
16:39
Speaker 3: feeling going towards working and unconscious to building success, from
16:44
Speaker 3: the foundation of the shame of the wounded and a
16:46
Speaker 3: boy that's seeking to prove himself to the world, and
16:49
Speaker 3: then the built up suppressed and repressed emotions of the
16:51
Speaker 3: wounded in a child and the past trauma and the
16:53
Speaker 3: wounding in the body that then gets distracted by work. Yeah,
16:58
Speaker 3: as I shared before, it's not just work, it's his
17:01
Speaker 3: meaning and purpose in life. So I've worked with many
17:05
Speaker 3: high level CEOs that have exited their companies for hundreds
17:08
Speaker 3: of millions of dollars and their body goes into just
17:11
Speaker 3: full anxiety, like panic attack, and then it shows up
17:14
Speaker 3: in their relationship, right, and then they come to me
17:17
Speaker 3: for relationships, but it's actually got nothing to do with
17:19
Speaker 3: It's like, hey, let's actually reconnect you with your purpose
17:22
Speaker 3: and mission again as a man. It's so important that
17:24
Speaker 3: men have their mission and their purpose and their thing
17:28
Speaker 3: because a man needs something that's far greater than him,
17:31
Speaker 3: that he's going and working towards the way he can
17:34
Speaker 3: serve and provide, and his family they're alongside him on
17:38
Speaker 3: his mission, and that's so important for a man to have.
17:41
Speaker 3: But when he doesn't have that or it's taken away
17:44
Speaker 3: from him, he loses all meaning and purpose and he
17:46
Speaker 3: starts questioning, well, what's the fucking point, what's the meaning
17:48
Speaker 3: of all of this? And then he doesn't have that
17:52
Speaker 3: distraction anymore, and typically he either goes to habits that
17:55
Speaker 3: don't serve him, or he just starts experiencing the lifetime
18:00
Speaker 3: of emotion and wounds and trauma that are in his body.
18:04
Speaker 3: He no longer has a distraction to avoid feeling it anymore.
18:06
Speaker 3: Now he has to face it. That's really overwhelming for
18:09
Speaker 3: a lot of men. My dad went through exactly that.
18:13
Speaker 3: You know, he sold his company and then he lost
18:15
Speaker 3: his distraction, and he lost his meaning and purpose, and
18:18
Speaker 3: then he had to face all of these emotions. He
18:21
Speaker 3: would say, I don't know why, I'm just crying all
18:22
Speaker 3: the time, and it led him down the path where
18:26
Speaker 3: he was very close to taking his life because of it.
18:28
Speaker 3: It's important as men that we have a relationship with death.
18:31
Speaker 3: Reason being is because when a man knows and recognizes
18:34
Speaker 3: that he's going to die and one day he lives
18:38
Speaker 3: more on edge in the way of he goes after
18:40
Speaker 3: the things that is most meaningful to him. He starts
18:44
Speaker 3: looking at the things that are actually meaningful, like family.
18:47
Speaker 3: Like ye, right, he's partner the people around him, he's
18:50
Speaker 3: in a circle, like the things that are really important.
18:53
Speaker 1: To see that. As men get old, yeah.
18:55
Speaker 3: Starts to become more important. So relationship to death is important.
18:59
Speaker 3: But yeah, a loss of those two things based on
19:01
Speaker 3: and like I said, those two things, a relationship and
19:04
Speaker 3: the purpose adjust a reflection and a build up of
19:08
Speaker 3: the foundation of his original pain that he experienced in childhood.
19:14
Speaker 3: And then a whole lifetime to prove that this is
19:18
Speaker 3: who he is. And a whole lifetime of evidence that
19:20
Speaker 3: this is who he is yea, and then a whole
19:22
Speaker 3: lifetime of pain because of the foundation of that shame
19:26
Speaker 3: or that original pain that's actually at the foundation of
19:30
Speaker 3: it all.
19:32
Speaker 2: Distractions in general? Are you meaning like olcohol, porn, phone work?
19:38
Speaker 2: And I would love to know your opinion because I
19:40
Speaker 2: feel like, I don't know if it's just Australian, but
19:42
Speaker 2: I feel like the Aussie culture alcohol is so normalized.
19:45
Speaker 1: But I feel like it's such a tool.
19:47
Speaker 2: That men use to numb, distract and connect. Do you
19:51
Speaker 2: find a lot of men that you work with are
19:53
Speaker 2: big drinkers, Because I find, Yeah, in this Australian culture,
19:56
Speaker 2: most men are. It is not serving their health, their relationship,
20:00
Speaker 2: the energy, their purpose, but yet there's something they've grown
20:02
Speaker 2: up with and it's so normalized. It's like the only
20:04
Speaker 2: drug that's cell weighted and you'll put down if you
20:06
Speaker 2: don't do.
20:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, the men that I attract into my world are
20:10
Speaker 3: typically the ones that are ready to do the work
20:13
Speaker 3: or have already done a bit of work previously. There's
20:16
Speaker 3: a very large percentage of men that aren't even close
20:19
Speaker 3: to this work, Like maybe the closest thing would be
20:22
Speaker 3: listening to a podcast like That's and that is not
20:24
Speaker 3: even touching the surface of what's there. So unfortunately I
20:28
Speaker 3: can't speak for those men because I don't work with
20:30
Speaker 3: those men. But what I do know is, yeah, the
20:32
Speaker 3: unhealthy and anything can be a distraction. Anything like me
20:36
Speaker 3: sitting here doing this podcast could be a distraction to
20:39
Speaker 3: me feeling something right.
20:39
Speaker 2: Reading self development books could be you knowing out from
20:42
Speaker 2: what you're actually feeling.
20:43
Speaker 3: A good question to ask is from what place am
20:45
Speaker 3: I doing this? From? What is here that's not being felt?
20:48
Speaker 3: And what's really important is, yeah, do the thing, but
20:51
Speaker 3: also have the awareness of there's something there that I
20:54
Speaker 3: need to feel. It's the both, it's I do the
20:56
Speaker 3: thing and I feel. So for me, it's like I
20:59
Speaker 3: work my ass off and I work a lot, and
21:01
Speaker 3: I create the time and space to feel and process
21:03
Speaker 3: what needs to be felt. Yes, so anything can be
21:05
Speaker 3: a distraction, but those like drinking, partying, alcohol, sex, pawn
21:09
Speaker 3: drugs like all of that. Vaping. Oh yeah, yeah. When
21:15
Speaker 3: I see like a grown man vaping, all I see
21:18
Speaker 3: is a little boy like sucking on a pacifier. Oh
21:21
Speaker 3: that's all I see because that's exactly what it is.
21:23
Speaker 3: He's soothing and regulating his nervous system by sucking on
21:27
Speaker 3: this vape, this plastic toy. That's exactly what he's doing.
21:31
Speaker 1: Wow.
21:31
Speaker 3: Yes, the goo way to put out. Yeah, that's the
21:34
Speaker 3: little boy. So majority of men are walking around life
21:37
Speaker 3: as a grown adult child and bringing it back to
21:42
Speaker 3: another baby term is like he's having like his bottle
21:45
Speaker 3: whatever and he goes and drinks, right.
21:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what he's doing is in that moment.
21:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, soothing, but it's also getting him into his body
21:52
Speaker 3: where he can be expressed as himself.
21:54
Speaker 1: So true, and a critic gets shut down.
21:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he can finally be himself, he can finally dance,
22:01
Speaker 3: he can finally be in his body.
22:02
Speaker 1: Could be sexual, it could be funny, it can be loud.
22:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, but typically because it's from a substance or because
22:09
Speaker 3: it's so denied or suppressed or oppressed, the shadow comes out.
22:13
Speaker 3: And then this is where we see the toxic or
22:15
Speaker 3: the unhealthy expression of masculinity. Yeah, when that starts to
22:19
Speaker 3: come out through through these distractions and things. Yeah, so true.
22:23
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
22:25
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a big episode, so much to talk about,
22:27
Speaker 2: so freaking cool. Once again, for anyone who has hasn't
22:30
Speaker 2: come by your Instagram yet, what's your name on Instagram
22:33
Speaker 2: so we can all find you?
22:34
Speaker 3: Yep? So just Ryan Moresby. Why Instagram, Facebook? I post
22:37
Speaker 3: so much value really important highlights. This being like a
22:41
Speaker 3: men's mental health episode is like do something anything or
22:46
Speaker 3: anyone that you feel safe enough to bring something to,
22:49
Speaker 3: like just speak a great way to start moving and
22:52
Speaker 3: expressing and processing traumous speaking about it. Yes, and when
22:56
Speaker 3: you feel that safety with another man to open up
22:59
Speaker 3: and speak about it, it's not actually as hard as
23:01
Speaker 3: you think it is sometimes, so true. Yeah, And I
23:04
Speaker 3: think that's really important for men to understand. It's actually
23:06
Speaker 3: not as painful or as hard as you think when
23:09
Speaker 3: you're in the right space and being held by a
23:11
Speaker 3: man who has been there, who has the ability to
23:16
Speaker 3: hold you in that depth.
23:18
Speaker 1: So important.
23:19
Speaker 2: Even like how you said, your vulnerability can be a superpower.
23:22
Speaker 2: I think when we share our experiences and our traumas
23:26
Speaker 2: with another man, it shows them that they too can share,
23:29
Speaker 2: that you can be that safe space for them as well.
23:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.
23:33
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
23:33
Speaker 1: Oh thanks for joining me.
23:34
Speaker 2: Really appreciate your time and your wisdom and I'm sure
23:38
Speaker 2: cross paths again soon.
23:39
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, we'll see you next Monday. Hi,