Latest / The Daily Sarcast / September 24th, 2026: Open AI's New Device, Justin Bieber Solves The Drug Problem And My New Doctor

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September 24th, 2026: Open AI's New Device, Justin Bieber Solves The Drug Problem And My New Doctor · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Do you want to become a completely different person this fall?
• 0:03
  Introducing Seasonal Personality Reset.
• 0:06
  This revolutionary program helps you convince yourself that this is finally
• 0:10
  the season that you're going to cook more, read more books, go on long walks,
• 0:15
  organize your apartment, and somehow become a morning person.
• 0:19
  For just $39.99, they'll send you one pumpkin candle, a tote bag,
• 0:25
  and a handwritten note that says, This is your season. Results may vary.
• 0:30
  Middle powers must unite because if we're not at the table we're on the menu,
• 0:36
  canada's prime minister mark corney,
• 0:38
  insert theme song here this is the daily sarcast i give you the news and me
• 0:43
  be a laugh i'm lindsey vernick and today september 24th 2026 today is the day of my big show guys,
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  i will be doing a show tonight at the flop house at 6 30 it's called fem raging
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  and it's hosted by my good friend Emily Nevins.
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  So if you're able to stop by, I would love it.
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  And if you can't, then I don't love it.
• 1:07
  So in real news, a six-year-old girl in China just set the world record for solving a Rubik's Cube.
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  She's literally six years old and can solve one on average of 4.27 seconds.
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  Like, I'm 31 and it takes me four minutes to figure out why Bluetooth isn't connecting.
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  And this girl learned to solve the Rubik's Cube when she was four and now she
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  knows more than 1,300 different solving algorithms.
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  She practices two to three hours a day at six years old.
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  When I was six, my biggest accomplishment was being able to successfully lie
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  about brushing my teeth.
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  And she's not even the fastest kid in the world. There's this nine-year-old
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  boy from Poland and he holds the record for a single 3x3x3 solve at 2.76 seconds.
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  What? I could spend 45 minutes trying to put together Ikea furniture and then still not be able to.
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  So, OpenAI might be making a device that might eventually replace our iPhones.
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  I mean, I guess that's exciting. I don't know.
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  The company is working with the former Apple design chief Johnny Ive on this
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  new device that wouldn't have a screen.
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  Like, you would literally just talk to it.
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  It could have cameras and center sensors and know what's happening around you
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  and be able to access your calendar and email and even follow you around the
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  house oh my god so it's like you're a little personal assistant,
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  and it's not supposed to act like chat gbt where you can ask it any question,
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  it's supposed to anticipate what you need so like if you're running late it
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  already knows if you're cooking dinner it helps you if you forgot something
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  before leaving the house it tells you,
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  I mean, that's incredibly convenient, right?
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  But then you realize you're going to have to explain to a robot why you spend
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  45 minutes sitting on your bed
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  scrolling through TikTok when you were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago.
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  So OpenAI hasn't officially announced this yet, and the company doesn't expect
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  to ship its first hardware before February 2027.
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  It's interesting that the future of technology is now getting rid of screens,
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  so now we can all live screen-free.
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  But we're just gonna have like a bunch of cameras and sensors following us around,
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  that sounds way better right.
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  Okay, now, this last one is interesting. So, Justin Bieber showed up at this
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  park and performed a few songs a little while ago.
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  Now, this park has had some very serious problems with drug use and crime,
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  and LA has been, like, trying to get it back, right?
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  So, naturally, the DA saw this video of Justin Bieber performing there and was
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  like, oh, this is, like, a really big example of how much this park is,
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  like, becoming a better place.
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  But also, I don't think that it really says we solved the drug crisis with Justin
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  Bieber just singing in the park.
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  The DA even said that Bieber is officially on the invite list for next year's Labor Day picnic.
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  Oh, how wonderful for Justin.
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  I don't think Justin is showing up to a Labor Day picnic sponsored by the DA.
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  Also, it's not even confirmed that Bieber was even at this park so the city
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  might have just like made up that Bieber was singing at a park or singing somewhere
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  that looked like this park and was like oh my god yay guys Justin Bieber was at our park,
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  in Lindsay life yesterday I went to see this new doctor and I told her all about
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  the current status of my dating life and keep in mind this visit was was in
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  like five minutes and I just told her everything.
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  She lectured me about every single thing that I was doing wrong and helped me
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  try to get my life back together.
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  So obviously, I made her my official doctor because these are all of the qualities
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  I look for when I go see a doctor.
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  I love getting lectured. It's my favorite. Signs that it is officially fall.
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  Literally everything is pumpkin spice flavored.
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  It's suddenly dark way earlier.
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  You need a jacket no matter what time of day it is. you've spotted at least
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  five people wearing a puffer jacket that day and everyone is talking about how
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  much they love this time of year,
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  cooking tip of the day put the air fryer on air fry instead of reheat when heating
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  up leftovers feedback comments questions a nice jewish boy looking for a date
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  email me at lindsay at the daily starcast.com thank you so much for listening
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  and i'll talk to you guys tomorrow.