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The Unspoken Wedding Day Advice That Silently Starves Marriages · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for June 26, 2026 The unspoken wedding day advice that silently
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  starves marriages Some of you have been looking forward to me talking about
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  being sexually generous.
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  Others have been dreading it, or may be skipping this podcast.
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  Of course, everything I said about generosity the last four days applies to sex.
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  But being generous about sex applies to both a spouse who avoids sex and to one who wants more.
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  For the latter, being sexually generous will sometimes mean not asking for sex,
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  or even turning down an offer.
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  If your spouse is tired or stressed, and sex will make it worse,
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  then going without is both loving and generous.
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  But I want to go somewhere else with today's post. When I married Lori,
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  my mother took her aside and said, you don't have to have sex every day.
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  The message was clear. You do not have to be generous in this area.
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  What's more, if you give him all he wants, you're letting him use you.
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  Most new brides don't get permission from their mother-in-law to be sexually
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  selfish, but many get an unspoken message to that effect.
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  And while the church is getting better, many women are told by the world that
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  they should only have sex when and how they want it.
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  It's called self-empowerment or owning your sexuality, but that has not changed
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  the fact that only doing what you want is the definition of selfishness.
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  But it's not just women. Men are also encouraged to be sexually selfish.
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  We are told to ask for what we want and not take no for an answer Never mind
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  that what we want offends our wife, causes her pain, or makes it impossible
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  for her to enjoy sex All that is her stuff and she needs to get over it and
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  give us what we are entitled to because she married us.
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  The dearth of sexual generosity in marriages is because we have been told it's
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  okay to be sexually selfish This results in people who are generous in other
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  areas feeling just fine being selfish about sex Are you doing this to your spouse?
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  Should you give more? or maybe you need to push less.
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  Ask God to nudge you if you should make some changes.
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  This is Paul, and doing sex well means being generous.