Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 356: Tammys' Takes #39 Your Triggers Aren't the Problem—They're the Clues

Transcript

E 356: Tammys' Takes #39 Your Triggers Aren't the Problem—They're the Clues · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Welcome back to another episode of Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful conversations with our guests and turn them into practical strategies you can use right here, right now.
• 0:10
  So if you haven't listened to my episode with David Dean Haskell, author of Wounded Angels and Inner Child Unleashed, I encourage you to go back and listen after this episode.
• 0:19
  David shared something, that I absolutely loved.
• 0:22
  reaction feels much bigger than the situation in front of us, it usually is because something much older has been touched.
• 0:29
  And I thought, "Oh my God, yes, exactly," because that's one of the biggest misunderstandings people have about healing.
• 0:36
  People come to me all the time with, say things like, "Tammy, I don't know why I get so upset.
• 0:41
  I don't know why I couldn't stop crying.
• 0:42
  I don't know why I shut down.
• 0:44
  I don't know why I get so angry."
• 0:46
  They assume something is wrong with them.
• 0:49
  But what if nothing's wrong with you?
• 0:51
  What if it's just your nervous system simply trying to finish a conversation that started many, many years ago?
• 0:58
  Here's what I teach my clients.
• 0:59
  There are events, and then there are meanings to those events.
• 1:03
  The event today might be tiny.
• 1:05
  Someone forgets to text you back.
• 1:07
  The spouse sounds irritated.
• 1:08
  Your boss gives you constructive feedback.
• 1:11
  A friend doesn't invite you somewhere.
• 1:13
  Those are today's events that happen every single day, but your nervous system doesn't always seem to react from today's event.
• 1:21
  It reacts to yesterday's meaning, meaning if you spent your childhood feeling totally ignored, being out, being left out today doesn't just feel disappointing.
• 1:31
  It feels completely familiar.
• 1:33
  So if you were constantly criticized growing up, your mom was always telling you you were doing something wrong, when you get constructive feedback from your boss, it doesn't just feel uncomfortable.
• 1:42
  It feels dangerous.
• 1:43
  If love was unpredictable, and you always had to earn your peace and earn your love, silence doesn't feel peaceful.
• 1:51
  It feels like abandonment.
• 1:52
  That's why your reaction seems so much bigger than the moment.
• 1:56
  Guys, you've heard me say it so many times, time and time again.
• 1:59
  When you were little, everything feels big.
• 2:02
  So if you are living from the past when you were little, it's going to feel big.
• 2:06
  One of my favorite things that David talked about was how triggers often point us back toward your younger selves, and I completely agree with that.
• 2:14
  But here's what I wanna take just a little bit further.
• 2:17
  I don't want you to fear your triggers anymore.
• 2:20
  I want you to become curious about them.
• 2:22
  Stop looking at them with judgment because every single trigger you have, it's nothing more than information.
• 2:29
  It literally contains all the information you need to heal.
• 2:33
  So instead of asking yourself this dreaded question of, "What's wrong with me?"
• 2:38
  Those four words that I think ought to be taken out of the English vocabulary completely.
• 2:43
  Start asking yourself, "What is this reaction trying to protect?"
• 2:47
  It's a completely different question, and when you start asking it, it's going to change you, the way you look at yourself.
• 2:55
  If I had to give this a name, and you know I love giving things a name, I would actually just call this becoming the detective instead of the judge.
• 3:02
  Most of us judge ourselves immediately.
• 3:05
  What do you say to yourself?
• 3:06
  You go, "Oh my gosh, I shouldn't feel this way.
• 3:08
  I'm overreacting.
• 3:08
  I'm too sensitive.
• 3:09
  No wonder nobody likes me."
• 3:11
  Sound familiar?
• 3:12
  Yeah, we've all said those things to ourselves.
• 3:14
  But instead, I want you to put your detective hat on.
• 3:17
  Ask yourself, "What happened?
• 3:19
  What did I make that mean?
• 3:22
  And more importantly, when have I felt this before?"
• 3:25
  Notice I didn't ask, when did this start, because sometimes you don't even know when that started.
• 3:30
  Sometimes your body remembers long before your mind does.
• 3:34
  So here's something I want you to try this week.
• 3:36
  Simple exercise.
• 3:37
  The next time you notice a big emotional reaction, just pause, take a slow breath, and ask yourself these three questions.
• 3:45
  Number one: What just happened?
• 3:48
  Number two: What is the story I immediately tell myself?
• 3:52
  And number three, and this may seem really strange to you, but how old do I feel right now?
• 3:59
  The last question surprises almost everyone, because you'll often realize, "I don't feel 57 years old.
• 4:05
  I feel 8, or I feel 12.
• 4:08
  I feel 5.
• 4:09
  I feel like that scared little kid who believed they weren't enough."
• 4:12
  And that is incredibly invaluable information Because honestly, once you realize that your eight-year-old self is driving the bus, you can lovingly invite your adult self back into the driver's seat.
• 4:25
  Healing doesn't happen because you get triggered.
• 4:28
  Healing happens because you stop believing every trigger is telling you the truth.
• 4:33
  The trigger is not your enemy.
• 4:35
  It's a messenger, and if you stop fighting it long enough to listen, it may show you exactly where your next layer of healing is waiting.
• 4:43
  David also shared something that I hope sticks with you.
• 4:46
  He reminded us, "Don't give up on yourself."
• 4:49
  I couldn't agree more.
• 4:50
  Healing isn't about pretending your childhood never happened.
• 4:53
  It's about refusing to let it write the rest of your story.
• 4:57
  I talk all the time about how when I was a child, I used to feel like somebody else was writing my story, and I wasn't holding the pen.
• 5:03
  But now I am a grown-ass adult, and I get to hold the pen to this.
• 5:07
  I get to write the rest of my story, and so do you, my friends.
• 5:10
  You get to write the rest of your story.
• 5:12
  So if this episode resonated with you at all and you're kinda tired of reacting in ways that you don't understand, I would love to help you.
• 5:19
  During my complimentary clarity and calm call, we'll be identifying the survival patterns your nervous system learned years ago and, more importantly, how to start changing them.
• 5:29
  Or if you're just curious about maybe what chronic stress did to you and how you might be communicating through these patterns through your body, I also offer a complimentary AO Biofrequency scan demo.
• 5:40
  We can explore your body's stress patterns and talk about practical next steps.
• 5:45
  You'll find both links in the show notes.
• 5:47
  But before you go, I want you to remember this: your trigger is not proof that you're broken.
• 5:51
  It's proof that a younger part of you is still waiting to be heard.
• 5:55
  So until that time, take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, and remember, healing begins the moment curiosity becomes stronger than self-judgment.
• 6:05
  I'll see you next time.
• 6:07
  Take care, and I love you guys.
• 6:09
  Have a good day.