Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / Trump Boarded Air Force One Blonde. He Got Off a Brunette | Breaking Absurdity Ep 37

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Trump Boarded Air Force One Blonde. He Got Off a Brunette | Breaking Absurdity Ep 37 · Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.

• 0:00
  Trump boarded his Qatari, donated Air Force One
• 0:02
  and Washington as a blonde, and hours later he
• 0:04
  stepped off in New Jersey as a brunette. And
• 0:07
  America is waiting for an explanation. Was it
• 0:09
  a follicular miracle? A mid -flight die job?
• 0:12
  Or is there an Air Force One salon that the White
• 0:15
  House isn't telling us about? We don't know.
• 0:18
  While America waits for an answer, we may have
• 0:20
  identified the product responsible, something
• 0:22
  sold at your neighborhood drug store, more on
• 0:25
  that coming up. We've been following Trump's
• 0:27
  hair transformation since the Nevada dead ginger
• 0:29
  cat toupee incident. First came the fluffy blonde
• 0:32
  hair, then came the follicular weather event,
• 0:34
  then Trump insisted he doesn't wear a wig. Sure,
• 0:37
  Jan. And now we've entered the grandpa's brown
• 0:40
  shoe era. Stay tuned for a special coverage of
• 0:42
  Trump's hair, which is definitely not a wig,
• 0:45
  allegedly. Natalie Harp is also back in the headlines
• 0:48
  this weekend after accompanying Trump to his
• 0:50
  Bedminster golf club. Photos of Harp walking
• 0:52
  toward Air Force One appear to show marks of
• 0:54
  bruising around her ankles, prompting another
• 0:56
  round of internet speculation. We don't know
• 0:59
  what caused the marks, but Natalie Harp Watch
• 1:01
  is now another thing we have to keep track of.
• 1:03
  And Trump has been busy posting in the middle
• 1:06
  of the night, including an AI enhanced map suggesting
• 1:08
  that New Mexico should be renamed New America.
• 1:11
  Trump cannot simply rename a state by posting
• 1:13
  a map on true social, but given the direction
• 1:16
  things are going, we're increasingly reluctant
• 1:18
  to say what he can and can't do. And then there's
• 1:21
  Space Force. Trump posted a proposed new uniform
• 1:23
  design that looks suspiciously like something
• 1:25
  from a galaxy far, far away. Because apparently,
• 1:29
  if you're going to defend America and space,
• 1:31
  the first thing you need to figure out is which
• 1:33
  franchise your uniforms will steal from. We've
• 1:35
  got the hair, the bruises, the maps, the memes,
• 1:38
  and the Space Force. It's time for Breaking Absurdity.
• 1:43
  Everything you didn't know you needed to know
• 1:45
  today, but wish you hadn't. Ads help keep the
• 1:48
  lights on here at It's Not Satire. But if ads
• 1:50
  give you the ick, let me help you with that.
• 1:52
  If you want all the absurdity without the ads,
• 1:54
  subscribe to my sub stack and look for the ad
• 1:56
  -free podcast option. The link is in the show
• 1:58
  notes. Now, let's get into the absurdity. Leading
• 2:02
  off today, this weekend's most important development
• 2:05
  in American politics has taken a darker turn.
• 2:08
  Trump's hair changed color. Did Air Force One
• 2:11
  go through some sort of hairstyle dimensional
• 2:13
  portal? Or did Trump's staff make a run to the
• 2:16
  nearest CVS before departure? It's not satire,
• 2:19
  file this report. and he got off in New Jersey
• 2:25
  with brown hair. So naturally, we have questions.
• 2:29
  It might have been a follicular miracle, or it
• 2:31
  might have been a store -bought box of dye. We're
• 2:34
  not sure. But one thing we do know, he stepped
• 2:36
  on as a blonde, and hours later, he stepped off
• 2:39
  as a brunette. One internet theory is he picked
• 2:42
  up a box of Just For Felons. Formulated for a
• 2:45
  criminal in Trump's income bracket, this dye
• 2:47
  goes on fast and lasts for at least one news
• 2:50
  cycle, now available in a convenient mid -flight
• 2:53
  form. They say blondes have more fun. Trump appears
• 2:56
  to be testing the hypothesis in real time. But
• 2:59
  this isn't actually where the Trump -Tupé investigation
• 3:02
  started. The brunette transformation is just
• 3:05
  the latest chapter. To understand how we got
• 3:07
  here, we need to go back to Nevada. We've actually
• 3:10
  put together an official Trump -Tupé timeline
• 3:13
  for our Inside the Absurdity Premium series.
• 3:16
  It's everything you didn't know you needed to
• 3:18
  know in the quickest way possible. How do we
• 3:20
  go from this to this in a matter of days? Let
• 3:23
  me break down what you didn't know you needed
• 3:24
  to know in 30 seconds. It all started in Nevada.
• 3:28
  Trump appeared on stage, toddler in chase, sporting
• 3:30
  a big fluffy blonde toupee. You know, the dead
• 3:33
  ginger cat. While the internet was still melting
• 3:35
  down over the toupee, we got whiplash because
• 3:38
  the very next day, Trump was back in Washington
• 3:40
  and apparently his hair had gone through a tornado
• 3:43
  somewhere over the Midwest. Actually, his hair
• 3:45
  looked like a weather system itself. Every angle
• 3:48
  revealed a new mystery. Meteorologists would
• 3:50
  be studying it if they had been fired by Doge.
• 3:53
  Anyway, things seemed calm for a few days until
• 3:55
  Trump actually brought the hair up at his rally.
• 3:58
  He wears a wig. I don't wear a wig. He said the
• 4:00
  wind was blowing so hard, so hard, and if it
• 4:03
  had been a wig, it would have blown right off.
• 4:05
  Sure, Jan. Fast forward to yesterday, Trump boarded
• 4:08
  the Qatari donated Air Force One as a blonde
• 4:10
  and arrived as a brunette, posting one of the
• 4:13
  internet's greatest mysteries. We still think
• 4:15
  it came from a box of just for felons, but what
• 4:17
  do you think? What happened to Trump's hair?
• 4:19
  Let me know in the comments. That's the official
• 4:22
  Tupe timeline. We think it will make great dinner
• 4:25
  party talking points for this weekend. You're
• 4:27
  welcome. That clip is actually part of our premium
• 4:30
  membership on Substack and YouTube, where we
• 4:32
  go deeper into stories like this and put together
• 4:34
  the full timeline with all the ridiculous details
• 4:37
  that don't make it into the regular episodes.
• 4:40
  If you'd like more like this, consider becoming
• 4:42
  a paid subscriber on Substack or YouTube. The
• 4:45
  link is in the show notes. But the Nevada incident
• 4:48
  deserves a closer look because the funniest part
• 4:51
  wasn't actually the hair. It started with a toddler.
• 4:54
  The child apparently decided that the best place
• 4:57
  was to be anywhere other than the stage and honestly
• 5:00
  the toddler may have had a point. So this happened
• 5:03
  today in Nevada. A mother brought her son up
• 5:06
  on stage and about four seconds into her remarks
• 5:08
  the kid took one look at the situation and decided
• 5:11
  to leave. Smart kid. Trump pursues, thinks better
• 5:15
  of it, and, in a moment of characteristic restraint,
• 5:18
  makes a joke about not wanting the boy to fall
• 5:21
  at the stage like Biden. A sitting president
• 5:31
  mid -chase, workshopping a prep fall joke about
• 5:34
  his predecessor in real time, while a toddler
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  actively tries to leave the building. But here's
• 5:40
  the thing, that's not what people were talking
• 5:42
  about. What people were talking about was above
• 5:44
  all of it. I posted this as a short on Instagram
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  earlier today, and some of the comments were
• 5:49
  quite illuminating. Such as, is that a ginger
• 5:52
  cat on his head? Or are we not going to talk
• 5:54
  about the obvious rug Trump is trying on? By
• 5:57
  the end of the day, the working theory among
• 5:59
  the general public was not, the president chased
• 6:01
  a child on stage, it was, the president may be
• 6:04
  beta testing a new hairpiece live at a campaign
• 6:07
  event. Priorities. Naturally, people went looking
• 6:11
  for evidence, and they found it. From earlier
• 6:13
  this week, when Trump snapped off Marine One
• 6:16
  and Augusta Nguyen did what Augusta Nguyen do
• 6:18
  best, told the truth. And now for your consideration,
• 6:27
  side by side, today's rally, this week's helicopter
• 6:31
  incident. Same man, two very different follicular
• 6:35
  realities. One gust of wind and a whole new cycle's
• 6:38
  worth of continuity errors. And this isn't a
• 6:41
  one -time thing, this is a recurring bid at this
• 6:43
  point. Every few months the wind picks up and
• 6:47
  Mother Nature briefly wins an argument nobody
• 6:49
  asked her to have. And diving into the next day,
• 6:52
  while the internet was still processing the new
• 6:54
  fluffy blondu, Trump decided to give inertia
• 6:58
  a run for its money. He showed up at the White
• 7:00
  House with a completely different look, a look
• 7:03
  that may have been inspired by the movie Twister.
• 7:06
  Update on the hair investigation. The toupee
• 7:09
  theory? Well, it may need revisiting because
• 7:12
  today he's not wearing a hair piece. It's just
• 7:15
  hair. Having a very hard day. Thick over here,
• 7:19
  thin over there. It's less a hairstyle and more
• 7:22
  a weather report. And this part? This part just
• 7:25
  gave up entirely. Every angle a new discovery,
• 7:29
  it's less a comb -over and more of an ongoing
• 7:31
  investigation. And now we've arrived at the latest
• 7:34
  chapter. Trump transformed from a blonde to a
• 7:37
  brunette on one fateful flight on his Qatari
• 7:39
  gifted 747, and the internet lost its mind. This
• 7:43
  summer, Trump's hair had more costume changes
• 7:45
  than a Taylor Swift era's tour, and frankly,
• 7:48
  we still don't know what caused it for sure,
• 7:50
  but we know one thing. Welcome to the brown hair
• 7:53
  era. And while the internet was investigating
• 7:56
  Trump's hair, another familiar face accompanying
• 7:59
  him to Bedminster was getting attention. Natalie
• 8:02
  Harp. A clip emerged of Harp accompanying Trump
• 8:05
  this weekend on the golf course. Users were quick
• 8:08
  to point out that Trump missed a shot as the
• 8:10
  ball goes way beyond the green. Trump missed
• 8:32
  the shot, terribly, and everyone applauds anyway,
• 8:36
  but Natalie Harp gushes. No notes. But that's
• 8:40
  not all people noticed about Natalie. Other photos
• 8:42
  appear to show marks or bruises around her ankles.
• 8:45
  and naturally the internet has theories one user
• 8:48
  suggested the bruises from how she's sitting
• 8:50
  you know when you tuck your feet sideways under
• 8:52
  your legs but then that posed the next question
• 8:55
  why would she be sitting that way in the white
• 8:58
  house as trump's assistant we don't know we may
• 9:02
  never know But what we can say is that Natalie
• 9:04
  has joined the long list of people and objects
• 9:06
  the internet has decided to investigate. We've
• 9:09
  got Trump's hair, Trump's hand, Trump's cankles,
• 9:12
  Trump's wife, or lack thereof, and now Trump's
• 9:15
  assistant's ankles. At this point, we may need
• 9:18
  to start issuing case numbers. And apparently,
• 9:21
  Trump isn't finished renaming North America.
• 9:24
  After the Ontario lake debacle, he's moved on
• 9:27
  to U .S. states, namely New Mexico. Yes, that's
• 9:30
  right. He wants to change New Mexico to New America.
• 9:34
  The governor immediately said, absolutely not.
• 9:37
  But even worse, this doesn't make basic sense.
• 9:40
  New Mexico is outside the country of Mexico.
• 9:44
  So continuing that logic, wouldn't something
• 9:46
  call New America be outside the USA? But resistance
• 9:50
  from the governor and long -standing naming conventions
• 9:53
  didn't stop Trump, because he then posted about
• 9:55
  it seven more times in one hour. Which is impressive.
• 9:59
  We should note he doesn't actually have the power
• 10:02
  to rename the state, but if this cringe fest
• 10:04
  has any legs and eventually gets to the Supreme
• 10:07
  Court, I wouldn't be surprised if they said,
• 10:09
  sure, whatevs, have fun, given their current
• 10:12
  track record. And then there's the new Space
• 10:15
  Force uniform. Trump says it's inspired by Starship
• 10:18
  Troopers, which is a movie that satirizes fascism.
• 10:22
  But the internet looked at the uniform and said,
• 10:25
  wait, that is definitely Star Wars themed, and
• 10:28
  not even for the good guys. That's what the villains
• 10:31
  at the Death Star wear. So apparently the Space
• 10:33
  Force's design brief was, make it futuristic,
• 10:36
  make it intimidating, and let's not pretend we
• 10:39
  are the good guys anymore. In lieu of Australian
• 10:42
  absurdity, we're going to focus on another piece
• 10:44
  of USA absurdity instead, because we've picked
• 10:47
  on Australia a bit too much lately. Today we've
• 10:50
  got a special red flag segment. It's a quick
• 10:53
  lesson in how to choose a husband, but instead
• 10:55
  of showing you what to look for, this is all
• 10:57
  about what to avoid. Here are the wedding vows
• 11:00
  that a man only known as Cody said at his wedding.
• 11:19
  So anyone out there looking for a husband, maybe
• 11:22
  find out how good they are with words before
• 11:25
  getting to the altar, otherwise you might go
• 11:27
  viral for all the wrong reasons. And there you
• 11:30
  have it, another day of breaking absurdity, your
• 11:33
  daily reminder that this is not normal. Be sure
• 11:36
  to like and subscribe to help me keep bringing
• 11:38
  you more daily absurdity. And if ads aren't your
• 11:41
  thing, then remember to check out the ad -free
• 11:43
  version of this podcast on my sub stack. Just
• 11:46
  click on the link in the show notes and look
• 11:48
  for the ad -free podcast and the subscription
• 11:50
  options.