Latest / Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life / The One-Year Reset: How to Heal, Reflect, and Start Over After Divorce

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The One-Year Reset: How to Heal, Reflect, and Start Over After Divorce · Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember this truth.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You are bent, not broken.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to this bent not broken bonus coaching session.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Coach Deborah, and today I'm diving deeper into the powerful insights shared in my conversation with Dr.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Robin Buckley, an executive coach, a PhD in clinical psychology, and the author of Marriage Incorporated.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you've gone through divorce, separation, emotional abuse, or the quiet unraveling of a relationship where you lost your voice, today's coaching episode is for you.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're breaking down the tactical, strategic tools Dr.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Robin shared so you can begin rewriting your next chapter with clarity, confidence, and intention.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number one, your relationship needs a strategy.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Robin made something very clear.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: We plan everything, our finances, our meals, our careers, but we never plan our relationships.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the truth.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Winging it doesn't work.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not in business, not in marriage, not in rebuilding your life after divorce.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what worked in my last relationship?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: What didn't?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to intentionally create next time?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is not emotional blame.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is strategic analysis.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So your future relationships have a roadmap, not just hope.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number two, red flags versus green flags.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Retrain your brain.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Most people exiting toxic relationships become hyperfocused on red flags.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's understandable.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system is trying to protect you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But as Dr.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Robin explained, if you train your brain to only see danger, that's all you'll ever see.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Green flags matter.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: They show compatibility, kindness, consistency, safety.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Things your brain may have overlooked for years.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge, create two lists.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of living in fear, start living in awareness.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number three.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Define your negotiables and non-negotiables.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of my favorite parts of the conversation.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: A non-negotiable is a value you will not bend on.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: A negotiable is an area where compromise is healthy.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: This prevents heartbreak, confusion, and self-abandonment.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: List three non-negotiables about character.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then list three negotiables about lifestyle or preferences.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: This creates emotional clarity before you enter a new relationship.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number four.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Role clarity saves relationships and co-parenting.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're working on a relationship or transitioning through divorce, unclear roles create resentment.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's never just about the trash or the socks.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's about feeling unheard, unseen, and unsupported.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Write down what you're responsible for.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Also write down what your co-parent or partner is responsible for.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then determine what boundaries support these rules.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Clarity isn't controlling, it's stabilizing.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Coaching insight number five, take the one year reset after divorce.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is the one thing that hit home for many listeners.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Robin recommends one intentional year alone, not out of punishment, but for personal reset.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is the year where you ask, what happened in my relationship?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: What patterns do I want to break?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And what do I want moving forward?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your future depends on how well you understand your past.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve this clarity.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself space to heal without rushing into the next chapter.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number six, rewire your brain after toxic relationships.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you've lived in a fight or flight for years, you don't just bounce back.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain adapted to survive.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now it needs to support to relearn safety.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: CBT strategies help you shift from the amalgala-driven fear to prefrontal cortex logic and confidence.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Practice the simple CBT reset.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: When you feel fear or doubt, pause.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then ask, is this old conditioning or is this a real threat?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then choose the thought that aligns with the life you want, not the life you left.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain can absolutely be rewired with repetition, patience, and compassion.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Insight number seven, let desire lead your next chapter.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: After years of catering to someone else's needs, many women forget their own wants.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Robin encourages you to explore what do I want now?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not what you need, not what you should want, but what lights you up?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Your coaching challenge?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: List 10 things you want, big or small, and then choose one to reconnect with this week.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Desire is not selfish.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Desire is direction.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the final takeaway, you're not broken.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain was protecting you.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you struggle to trust yourself again, remember, your brain isn't flawed.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's responding to trauma.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But you can retrain it, you can rebuild trust, you can create a partnership that honors the evolved version of you.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is both science and strategy, and you deserve both.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining this bonus coaching session.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped you see your relationships, your healing, or your future through a new lens, share it with another woman who needs this reminder.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to start over, and this time you get to do it with intention.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.