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Be The Leadership you want to be · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
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about things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's Derhodge again.
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Thank you so much for tuning in yet again this week, to, listen to authentic living with
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Roxanne.
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Today, I have a a woman that I built connection with across, I think, a room, I would think.
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We were recently at an event together in Florida.
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And, we just, we we got along, even though we spent limited times together, we we had to
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connect and I I wanted Erin to come in and speak to you.
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So my guest today is Erin O'Malley.
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So, Erin, thanks so much for coming on and spending some time with us today.
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It's my project, sir.
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Thank you so much time with you, Roxanne.
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So I'm gonna tell, everyone a little bit about you, a bit about your bio.
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Obviously, your keynote keynote speaker facilitator.
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You work with leadership and teams.
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And what you do is you help the unlock the power of a human connection.
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And, your career started, about 1st 10 years, I believe, in hospitality, another interesting
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thing was that you spent 2 years in Panama in the Peace Corps as a volunteer.
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That sounds interesting.
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I'd love to hear more about that.
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And you've worked over 8 years consulting with, huge companies like Delta, and BMW.
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Erin believes, a big believer in having everyone has a story, which is not the case.
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So true.
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And her gift is to get the truth out of their stories in order to facilitate better
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connection.
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So what what a nice, nice way to have people connect, but I'm sure at times, it's not it's
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not so easy, Karen.
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Right.
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Exactly.
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I think, it's interesting.
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It's not in some ways it's, yeah, it's not hard, but it's not easy.
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And I think a lot of what I help people talk about and discover is the foundation.
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So to skip ahead a little bit, I think a lot of times people think leadership problems and
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customer experience problems and engagement problems, we tend to make them into these big
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things.
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And when I go and work with companies, it's, oh, this and this and this.
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And a lot of times, they just say, woah, let's take a step back and what's really going on and
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starting.
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And this is this is why I talk about what I talk about now because I feel like if all my
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experience from my restaurant management days to my time and the peace for to my leadership
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development consulting facilitation dates.
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Walking out the door, these are the things that always came up.
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Right?
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They're not emphasizing.
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They're not being curious.
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They're not listening, and they're not using their words.
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It's like a two year old.
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Right?
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Like, they're not communicating.
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And those when the foundation is in there, that's when the little things turn into big
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things.
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So here's a quick overview of of my what I think about connection.
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I think to fill on my bio, one thing I always like to mention is that I grew up in New
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Jersey, and I'm a Jersey girl.
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And while I get it used to in white spot, Now I fully embrace it because I feel like sometimes
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what, you know, what they say about well, not everything they say about Jersey Girls.
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But tell me what they say about Jersey Girls.
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With our attitude and our feistiness is is true.
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So I like to that's my little, like, disclaimer.
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So when I if I start to get a little bit feisty, now you know why
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So hence why the connection, so I because I like feistiness also.
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So so hence the connection in Florida.
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So This is what I'm curious about because I know from working with companies for a lot of
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years, companies have obviously boards.
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They have you know, ROIs, quarterly, or annually that they need to meet leadership team
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senior senior executive teams.
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And the frontline.
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So you can work with leadership, or you have worked with leadership, but you've also worked
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with frontline, or you'll go from the macro of the huge all the way down to the front line
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when you work with an organization.
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Give me examples of what's of some of the companies that you work with that you've seen
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them do it really well and the ones that kinda seem to trip up or have to go through a
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learning curve about, if it's leadership to frontline or front line to leadership, some,
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you know, good I some good things that you've seen and some maybe some not so good things,
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and and some of the things that maybe people that are listening that are in companies could
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learn from some of these example, from these examples.
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Right.
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I think
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one of the most
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This is one of the most exciting things when I work with people.
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And then one of the things when I walk out the door, it's like a punch in the gut.
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When I work with the frontline people, working with them about connection, a lot of work that
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I do too is when when things go wrong, and it's there's 2 different ways to look at that too.
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I think a lot of the principles of that, if they are applying as principles, initially
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gonna help things not go wrong.
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Anyway, when I worked with people, when I walk out the dorm, and they say, Erin, this is so
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great, and I learn so much, and I wanna use this.
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But what about my manager?
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And that's, I think, one of the biggest counts is is when the leadership team doesn't get
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behind the training and doesn't participate in the training, because that's when they're
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getting 2 different messages.
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So I think while it's, I mean, it's a fairly obvious thing.
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Of course, if you don't know, but it's when is when we walk out the door and they say, well,
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Aaron, my managers are my leaders.
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Aaron, you're telling me to be nice to my customers, but when I walk in the door, my
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leadership They don't ask me how I'm doing.
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They don't listen to me.
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They don't talk to me.
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So I think in that respect, the organizations that I've worked with, that have really
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embraced getting the leadership team involved and participating, those are the ones that seem
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the most success.
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And even though sometimes too, the leadership will come in kicking and screaming or, ah, I
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don't know it.
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I think this is one of my one of the things that I love to do and one of the things I'm
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good at being a connector is that I get through you.
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I can see what's really going on.
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Right?
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So the leadership team, I think, and this is why I think connection breaks down a lot like I
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mentioned earlier.
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We think it's something else, but it's really like, hey.
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Did you even know that this is what's happening with your team?
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Did you know that this is what's going on with them?
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And half the time, I think the leadership is too afraid, too unprepared, too untrained,
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There's a lot of different reasons why they don't engage with their teams, which leads to
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the bigger, which leads to the breakdowns.
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So it answers your question.
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I think when people learn the skills that I teach and when they see the impact that it can
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have, that's the most amazing part and it's making sure that the leadership gets involved
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too.
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That's that's when the consistency happens.
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Right?
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Mhmm.
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So really, sometimes when I've worked with companies, they say make it look pretty.
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Use whatever gloss and
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powder you need to
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to kinda have it go away, which we know doesn't create short, long term change.
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It maybe creates a little bit of rah rah and, you know, people go along for that.
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And then there's other companies that say go in there, and you gotta get the to the root of the
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dandy line.
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Right?
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So you gotta start and you gotta dig deep and you really gotta, yes, we have to.
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We have investors and we have boards to report to, but we really, really wanna know what's
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going on so that we can make a change.
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When you're working with an executive team for instance, and let's say You have some leaders
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that think I'm a leader.
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I tell people what to do.
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And you have other leaders that are vulnerable and available and, you know, say, no.
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No.
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No.
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People help me lead because they give me information.
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So you have 2 completely potentially diametrically opposed kind of leadership styles
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in an executive team that you're you're called in to work with.
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So tell me tell me how you approach something like that.
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One of my favorite exercises I do, I think, gets to the heart of how to deal with that.
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And one of my favorite exercises I do is the tell me something you don't know by looking at
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you activity, and it's a way to I mean, I'm I have people write down on a card, something
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that we can't tell by looking at them, keeping it keeping it clean and things that, you know,
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I don't need a I I need I don't I don't need to need all your dirty details, but And and it's a
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cool activity that do with with executive teams because as then we go, I gather the cards, and
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then I'll read it off and say, you know, this person rides Harley Davidson motorcycles, and
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it's always and I have been deaf.
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Who's who?
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And, I mean, it's depending on depending how long teams work with each other.
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But what's interesting is that even with teams that have worked with each other for a long
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time, at the time, they're like, I had no idea.
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I had no idea.
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So finding that common ground, I think, helps start off the conversation and getting them all
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to buy in that if you have that leader like you were saying, that's like, I'm good.
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I know it all.
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I'm the guy who's more.
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I'll I'll say a guy because I've worked.
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I worked a lot with the automotive industry.
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Yes.
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Lots of interesting egos.
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Well, they're not interest goes, they're large egos egos involved, and a lot of, yeah, a lot
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of guys that I think they learn how to lead by watching people that don't know how to lead.
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So I think it's it's that fine line, and I'm sure you do this in your work, right?
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I'm subtly Like you said, getting to the root of it, but not in a way that's, like, you are
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so in left field.
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You don't even understand what's
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happening.
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Right.
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Right.
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It's holding a mirror up to them and giving them feedback to be able to say, hey.
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This is how you're coming across or for these are different ways of looking at it.
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And I think the big thing that I always do as well is because what's the end game?
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Like, one of my favorite clash that sometimes I ask out loud or sometimes I ask more subtly is
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like, how is this working out for you?
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Right?
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You had me here for a reason.
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Things aren't going well.
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So How can you look at this with a new set of eyes and your perspective?
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And I think once you tap into that, I think it's tapping into those guys that think they
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know it all, working their egos a little bit, but then letting them be more open to hearing
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the perspective of other people And I think that's a big piece of connection too.
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Right?
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Being curious, what are other people's perspectives?
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How how can we bridge them together?
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Absolutely.
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Right?
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And it takes time sometimes.
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I'm sure, like, if you're in a consulting situation and, you know, they say, well, it
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should take, you know, a day or 2 and should be good.
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And sometimes, you know, it's just that's just the, you know, the aperitif before you get into
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things where people actually, it takes a while before people can disarm themselves if they've
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always led a certain way, all, you know, to to be able to.
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And you're not you're not going directly at them.
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If you know, they're maybe their teams are saying, well, they're autocratic.
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They put me down.
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They don't say hello.
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They never talk to me other than when something is missing an those types of things and they
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go, oh, oh, I'm just trying to get things done because we have things to get done.
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But to your point, you have to do it in such a way that allows that person to say, oh, I guess
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You know, when I am overwhelmed, I, you know, I'm I'm short sentences, and I'm, like, to the
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point and those types of things, to highlight those things in a non challenging kind of way
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become something that, takes time sometimes, especially with someone that has been leading a
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certain way for such a long time.
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Would you agree?
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Right.
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Totally.
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And two points on
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that, and this is the lesson that I learn every time because I go in and I want fix her.
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Right?
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And I'm like, I I think I've I've I can see.
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I go in and I'm like, oh my gosh.
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Here's here's the thing that we take care of right away, and I need to remind myself what
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you just said.
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It takes time.
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And I think people have been doing things Most of them have been doing things a certain way,
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and I'm curious with your work.
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I feel like there's a a feedback, a feed, an epidemic of lack of feedback.
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Right?
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So people have been doing things, and no one they've been doing it, how they think they
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know.
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And I'll say, we'll go with the fact that I'll I'll be kind and say that they're probably
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doing it with the best intention, but if no one's saying to them, hey.
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You know what?
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Joe, when you talk to me like that, you kinda make me feel like crap.
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Right?
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Or Hey, when you do it this way, this is what's happening to me.
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So there's, I think, there's a void of feedback so people don't know.
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And Do they wanna know?
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Do they not wanna know?
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And if I'm not doing right, who's gonna help me do it better?
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So you can see.
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Right?
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This is the spin and the cycle that it goes in, and it's real easy keep going in the wrong path
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unless we are willing to stop for a second and say, hey.
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What can I what can I do to be better?
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And it's hard.
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I mean, I think some I mean, I'm always looking for feedback.
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I'm like, tell me what I could do better, but that's my personality, but I think done
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sometimes when I hear it, I will be the first to be like, no.
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That's not that's not right.
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I don't agree with that.
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That's not no.
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I'm much better than that.
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But I think so it's it's a and I know you talk about this a lot on your podcast about
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vulnerability, right, and it's being able to say Hey.
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Maybe I can learn, and maybe I can do it better.
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But I think when you talk about and this is one thing I do too.
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I ask a lot, you know, again, is this working out for you?
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How is this making you feel?
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And I do a lot of activities to tap into when the good things are happening.
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Right?
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Not that everything's always sunshine and rainbows, but I tend to be more on a rainbow
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type person to make them say, hey.
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When you make these little adjustments, this is the new way things can work out.
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And I just made me think.
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I always start my talks.
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I put a big, like, a big greater than sign on a foot chart, and I put in possibility,
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positivity, and why not?
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And I say this is the world that we're living in today, and we try and get rid of the, yeah,
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butts or no, we're already doing that, or it's never gonna work.
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So I try and keep them focusing on instead of saying, why?
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Why not?
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Why not try something new?
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Why not do it this way?
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So that's kind of the intention I set with all my groups to start to try and getting living in
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that world.
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So I'll give you an example.
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I was, talking to a friend and, He's a a pretty senior team.
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And, what happened is See, everybody who's afraid to get the CEO real feedback.
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Right.
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So These are intelligent people.
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And, what happened is they did a survey you know, one of those surveys that sometimes
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different 360s or whatever, different types.
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And within this organization, they did survey that everybody on the senior executives team
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right at the CEO is the best.
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Even though he was a poor communicator, He had vision.
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He was charismatic, you know, those types of things, but he he just was poor at
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communicating with them and putting them under a lot of pressure.
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In ways that we made a lot of people, they were basically dropping off, right, getting sick you
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know, taking extended leaves, a lot of sick days, those types of things, or working to the
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point where they shouldn't be at work, when they should be at home kind of taking care of
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themselves.
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So, again, that's an interesting thing.
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Right?
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When I hear this, I'm like, my goodness.
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Here it is.
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People are so overwhelmed structurally by an organization.
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That they aren't able to feed up the truth.
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Right.
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Right.
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Right?
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For so again, you know, obviously, with CEOs, you would think that CEO is having an you and I
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in to deal with these things.
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They are aware.
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But what if you have a CEO that calls you in, but you find out this this negative feedback
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because it's translating it to the front line, by the way, I should tell you it's it's it's
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the front lines saying all these things about how it's impacting them, you know, some of the
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some of the decisions that get made, and but the but the senior executive is not able to
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kind of go back to the to the leadership team or the leader and say, this is how it's
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adversely affecting me.
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I'm I'm not, you know, I'm I'm not sleeping.
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I'm I'm not able to be as a productive because I'm I'm concerned about my position, those
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types of things.
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Because obviously with, you know, we know that in any kind of, industry at any given sector a
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lot of times when I was managing my portfolio in when I was in corporate, but 75 25% of my my
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portfolio was in flux, right, meaning that there was right sizing, downsizing all those
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types of things.
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So Have you ever had situations like that that you've come across or, have you ever had to
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walk away from a consulting situation because it was too difficult to be able to make the
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changes that you are hired to make.
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And I know I'm asking you hard questions because I know you can handle low
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No.
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I'm like, there's 2 I have 2 examples.
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Well, you have you have you have you have 2 different questions there.
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Did I have to walk away?
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Yes.
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And I will not tell you that story because my Jersey bad language will come out, and it was I
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mean, but it was, I mean, but it was a perfect example of someone who, and it was an
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interesting situation.
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Their numbers were good.
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The sales were good.
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So on paper, it looked like a decent situation.
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However, turnover was, I mean, a 100%.
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They could not keep anyone there.
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And you walked into that place, which Roxanne nameless, you could feel it.
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I mean, you could feel it.
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Like, it just it was it was tense, but it was also just, negative and it was just a bad there
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was just a bad vibe all around, and there was no willingness by this general manager.
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There was no willingness to learn.
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And I had a focused group with this team, and one of the things they said was we would like
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to we would just like more positive feedback, and I think this is a good example of a few
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different things.
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So when I gave that feedback back to them, this is exactly what I said.
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The team would like to hear some more positive reinforcement.
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Full stop.
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And his response was immediately you don't understand our business.
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You don't know what you're talking about.
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There are a bunch of babies and another about lot of bad words, and they want this and they
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want coddled and they walk up.
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And I was like, woah.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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And so this is when it comes down to, right, it's we're not talking about positive feedback
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anymore.
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We're talking about what's really happening here.
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What's your dynamic?
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And in his mind, there was nothing change.
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There was nothing to learn.
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There was nothing to change.
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His staff is all a bunch of babies and and wanted this and wanted So I think that was an
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example.
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And I tried about three times, 3 different visits.
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And finally, it was just one of those.
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There was no buy in from him.
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He didn't understand the importance or see that the way he was impacting and how he was talking
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to his staff was directly related to this turnover.
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So if there's not an inkling of Hey.
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What can I learn?
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What can I do differently?
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It's real hard to get through and Laura knows.
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I mean, and we can we don't have 17 days to talk about my peace score experiences, but I
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think that was one of the biggest things of the Peace Corps.
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You try and you try like, I I joke that my peaceful experience was 2 years to be banging
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my head up against the wall with 2 small victories, but my point is that I worked all
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the angles, but some times you just have to say, it's not gonna go through.
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And I think another example of what you your question about how sometimes, how sometimes the
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manager might not, might not know, or might not realized what's happening.
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I had an example with the staff.
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Again, gave some feedback.
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It was a great it was this is such a great scenario.
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There was 2 different dealerships a family dealership.
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There was one brand under 1, 1, and one building, one brand in the other.
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The one brand did a lot of was just super busy.
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Tons of volume, big team, and the grand brand that I was working with was a smaller was a
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smaller the smaller Like, they were they're like, we're in the red head stepchild.
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Basically, they're like, we're getting no respect.
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And I'm like, ah, come on.
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Come on.
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Well, then they tell me that they have their needing So Saturday morning in the car world
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is, like, everyone has their Saturday sales meeting, and it's, blah, blah, and let's go get
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them.
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Right?
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So they the team that I was working with, they're like, Erin, we have our sales meetings
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at the other dealership.
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And they're like, no.
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You don't.
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And they're like, no.
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No.
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No.
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We we have our so there's eight guys versus 30 guys.
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The 30 guys normally sell 30, 40 cars a week.
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My guys may be sold 15 cars as a team for the week.
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Mhmm.
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So when I brought this to the manager's attention, the GM's attention, I was like, how
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how would you I mean, when I the first thought was resistance.
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Right?
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Come on.
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It doesn't matter.
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Like, I'm like, it's basically bringing the scrawny kids to the bully and being like, hey,
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bully.
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Here they are.
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Here's a punching bag.
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And I and I say that story because the his his the GM media response was defensive.
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Like, it doesn't matter.
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What what it doesn't matter.
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And then I said to him, We'll just we'll just call him jokes.
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Joe, how would you feel?
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Like, how would you, how would you feel if you were those guys?
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And I I'll never forget because I I watched the transformation on its face go from kind of
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puffy and annoyed and, like, you don't know what again, you don't know what to talk about
22:45
girl as they do in the car world.
22:46
Right?
22:47
And all of a sudden, when I said, imagine you, And it was interesting because he was like,
22:53
well, I guess you're right.
22:54
And I'm like, dude, it's not about me being right.
22:56
Like, I I I I don't, I mean, I don't really have a dog in this fight, except Think about if
23:01
it's right or wrong, this is what your team is experiencing.
23:04
So what all you have to do is have your meeting here.
23:07
It's it's not gonna cost you anything.
23:09
Anyway, long story long as I tend to tell my stories, I went back for my visit a few months
23:14
later and walking into that place They they got their own colored shirts.
23:19
They were having their meetings at their own dealership.
23:22
I mean, Roxanne, you could feel the energy shift.
23:26
And so this goes to my point.
23:27
Sometimes it's just two points.
23:29
Right?
23:30
It's the little thing.
23:31
Mhmm.
23:31
Mhmm.
23:32
But we're never gonna know unless we act.
23:34
Hey.
23:34
What is happening?
23:35
Why are you guys acting this way?
23:37
We we want different colored t shirts.
23:39
Buy them in t shirts.
23:41
Right?
23:41
Like, And so I think a lot of times, I mean, it's about the teachers, but it's mostly about
23:45
how are we how are you making your employees feel and going back to your question, as a
23:50
leader, are you willing to say, hey.
23:52
You know what?
23:53
Maybe this maybe this wasn't the brightest idea.
23:57
Being willing to say, hey.
23:58
I wasn't I wasn't the smartest.
23:59
And let's move forward to make it better.
24:02
So, again, that element of vulnerability that I am here to learn from you as much as you're
24:07
willing you're here to learn from me.
24:08
And I think that's something that's the conscious leader, someone that says, yeah, I
24:12
thought about this.
24:13
And then, you know, Erin came in and she talked to me about it.
24:16
Oh, wow.
24:17
Hadn't thought about that.
24:19
That's an amazing idea.
24:21
So sorry if I missed that, guys.
24:23
Let's move the page.
24:25
But I think what happens is people get entrenched in their decisions and maybe they're
24:31
not able to step back and say, Is this making me look incompetent?
24:36
Can I handle the fact that my 50 guys might think I made a bad decision or is it that I can
24:42
step into it and go, well, I'm here to learn?
24:45
I'm a person.
24:46
You you have equally as much, gift in this business to help me run the best business
24:55
possible and I think that's what I often see with a lot of leaders that are good.
24:59
They go, So like tell me more.
25:01
You do the filing and you know the system from the calls from the front end to the back end
25:09
What do you think could be better?
25:10
Because you are the expert in that area, and I think, that's what what you did there.
25:15
Was you said, okay, okay, guys.
25:17
Help me understand.
25:17
And then you fed it back, which lucky for him he was able to to receive, this great
25:23
information.
25:24
Right.
25:24
And do you find the leaders?
25:26
I don't know how many leaders you've worked with, but a lot of them get promoted into these
25:31
positions.
25:31
They were doing a good job doing what they were doing.
25:33
And now all of a sudden, they're in this leadership role.
25:36
And, honestly, Roxanne, I feel like so many of the people in the industries that I've worked
25:41
with, this is, to me, when I have those conversations, and they're they're trying to do
25:47
their best.
25:47
Right?
25:47
Their best intention, but they've been I call it, like, you know, the I don't know if you had
25:52
them up in Canada, but the whole from the the drug commercials.
25:55
Right?
25:55
Like, I learned from watching you dad.
25:57
It's like, They've learned from watching these horrible leaders, and so they're just
26:01
perpetuating it.
26:02
And so I think that's when it's it's creating that space to say like, hey.
26:05
It's okay.
26:06
You don't know It's okay.
26:07
You don't know what you're doing, but do you have the willingness to say, hey, guys.
26:12
I don't really know what I'm doing, and I think a lot of people To me, that's vulnerability,
26:16
and we can we can talk more about vulnerability.
26:19
And I think I think people these days have a they think vulnerability is sharing all of
26:24
their dirty deeds and, like, it's, like, the vulnerability puke.
26:27
I'm like, I don't need to know all that, but to me, vulnerability is just saying, hey.
26:32
I I don't I don't have all the answers.
26:34
And being willing, and there comes that curiosity, right, curiosity of what do my
26:39
people know?
26:40
What can I learn from them?
26:42
And I think another thing that holds people back from asking that question is that when it
26:46
I think the staff is gonna say, oh, we need a flipping pool on the top deck.
26:50
We need ping on.
26:51
We need all this stuff when, really, it's like we need to have our staff meetings in our
26:56
building.
26:57
So I think I think there's the fear of things of when you ask that question, what can we do
27:04
better that it's gonna be these major things winning my experience Roxanne, it's always it's
27:10
always the little things that start the start the either the spiral up or the spiral down.
27:17
And, you know, good point.
27:19
Like, I worked a lot with, from CEOs all the way down to to frontline, when I managed,
27:27
portfolio.
27:28
And one thing that I found that was in things.
27:31
So, of course, middle management, obviously, tough place to be.
27:34
Right?
27:34
You can't pull it up to your point because maybe I've, you know, I I I've been, you know,
27:39
the top salesperson for the last 2 years or, those types of things.
27:43
And so I'm I go from being a peer, and now I'm a manager.
27:49
But maybe it wasn't so nice as a peer and now I'm your manager
27:55
and Yeah.
27:56
How difficult is that?
27:59
It's a good transition.
28:00
And I it's one of those this is one of my other favorite things to ask to is How many times,
28:07
like, when I have a when I'm working with a bunch of new supervisors or new leaders, I say
28:11
how many of you said when I become a manager, I'm never gonna be like that person, and they
28:17
all start laughing because they're like, oh my god.
28:21
I'm that guy now.
28:22
And and I think It's and it's an interesting it's and this is one of my favorite one of my
28:29
favorite conversations to have with these new managers because you come in an and it's human
28:33
nature.
28:33
Right?
28:34
You get the promotion, and now you have that title.
28:35
So you're gonna pop your shoulders out a little bit, but I think and it swings.
28:41
So it'll swing that way, and then it swings back to the other way and like, oh, how can I
28:45
be friends with people?
28:45
But I can't be friends with people.
28:46
Can I be friends with people?
28:48
And I think this goes back to one of the, again, the components of connection.
28:53
Are you really listening to people role?
28:55
Are you communicating with them fairly?
28:57
Are you being consistent?
29:00
And it's an adjustment to be clear, but I think those people when they realize, when they look
29:06
and say, okay.
29:07
Why what didn't you wanna do that are that you are doing I think a lot of times they're doing
29:12
it because they haven't they haven't learned how much to do it.
29:16
Right?
29:16
They don't have
29:16
an or or they haven't thought it through too.
29:19
Like, let's say
29:19
Right.
29:20
Let's say I had a lot of conflict with my frontline peers, but I'm the top achiever,
29:25
let's say, or I'm, you know, whatever.
29:27
You you you in in managing a management decision is to decide is that person or is
29:36
Roxanne the best fits for that management position too?
29:39
Because Right.
29:41
It may be that it may be helping the bottom line However, if she's create if I've created a
29:47
lot of chaos amongst my peers and now I'm leading the team, I'm not so sure how that's
29:53
help gonna help the bottom line in the long run.
29:55
Right?
29:56
So sometimes, but being more aware, about who you're hiring if you're hiring, are you
30:03
thinking it through strategically?
30:05
Are you thinking of your teams?
30:08
Right.
30:09
And if if there is any kind of altercations of situations that have developed, have you
30:15
cleared the air and do it in a way that allows this person to to ascend into management that
30:21
allows them to be accepted, right, because sometimes it's it's it's it's so it's it
30:25
becomes very strategic versus, oh, yeah, bottom line good.
30:28
Gets a lot of things done.
30:30
Position available.
30:31
Alright.
30:31
Good.
30:31
Exporter, they're in.
30:34
Right.
30:34
Right.
30:35
How are we helping them transition into the new roles and responsibilities?
30:38
Because it is a chef.
30:39
I mean, there's new there's new what there's different ways to leave.
30:43
There's new responsibilities.
30:44
It's it's a different dynamic with your team, even if you are friends with people.
30:48
Yeah, it's it's It's interesting.
30:49
It's always interesting to me to see how that plays out.
30:52
Do you find that there's a lot of, like, you talked a little a little bit about from the
30:56
Peace Corps to, you know, working with Delta or BMW.
31:01
Do you think that they're based on sector that the the Need for vulnerability shows itself in
31:08
a different way to create connection.
31:15
No.
31:15
I think this is what's so interesting, Roxanne.
31:19
Again, that I mean, my 1st 10 years was in restaurant management then.
31:22
I said when I turned 30, I'm not doing this nonsense anymore, and I turned 30, and I was
31:26
still doing that nonsense.
31:27
So I read a lot of health, self help folks come on for long walks on the beach, and then I
31:30
found myself in Panama for 2 years as a peace corps volunteer.
31:34
And then Yeah.
31:35
I've not worked with automotive with airlines with rental car with nonprofits, and this is
31:39
why I'm so passionate, excited, like, want to just screen this message because I feel like
31:48
the things that I found when it came when it comes to building teams or building leaders
31:55
across all of these different places I've been in different industries I've worked with, That
32:01
is what's so interesting to me that it kind of always comes back to the same thing.
32:05
And I think vulnerability and trust is one of those things.
32:09
And I remember, I an example from the Peace Corps.
32:12
So I was on this island of 300 people off the coast of Panama, no water, no electricity, no
32:17
toilets, Super exciting.
32:19
And I was working with a tourism group, and I remember, and it was about a year in that I was
32:24
working with this group.
32:25
And I remember talking to I was standing in in the town.
32:30
I mean, the quote unquote town.
32:31
It was not in town.
32:32
I was standing on a sidewalk, and I was talking with a group of people in the tourism group,
32:35
and all of a sudden I looked around and I thought because we were having a lot of a lot
32:40
of challenges getting things done.
32:41
And all of a sudden, I looked around, and I realized at that point, So it's a small town.
32:46
300 small village.
32:47
300 people.
32:48
Most of the the main source of income was fishing.
32:50
So these guys would go off fishing.
32:52
For a week and come back.
32:53
And I'm not kidding.
32:55
The boat would sail away.
32:56
The women were moving to the different men's houses.
32:59
Like, everyone was cheating on everyone because what else are you gonna do on this island?
33:02
So I was sitting there having this conversation.
33:04
I'm looking around, and I'm like, wait a second.
33:06
You're married to her, but I know that you were sleeping with her last week, and he was And all
33:10
of a sudden, I'm looking, I'm like, no wonder this group can't get anything done.
33:13
There is zero trust here.
33:15
Like, there is zero trust.
33:18
And I think I mean, that was one example of me saying, right, I'm trying to go this way, but
33:24
we gotta get to the root of some basic common ground here.
33:28
How do we get to this this trust?
33:31
And I think, you know, I think about working with Delta.
33:34
It was interesting with them, and it goes to the stories, right, my line of, like,
33:38
everyone's got a story, and everyone's got a story about everyone's story.
33:41
And the people in Panama, they all have stories about each other.
33:44
My work with Delta.
33:45
It was so interesting with them.
33:46
The story they had about their customers, the, you know, the dreaded millennials, and it was
33:51
so great because it ain't working with them.
33:53
There would always be someone, an employee at a or a flight attendant would see it up
33:58
immediately.
33:59
My kids are millennial.
34:00
Yeah.
34:00
I've gotta text her to talk to her, but these are our customers.
34:04
So we need to get rid of all this anx that we have about them and figure out how to embrace
34:09
them.
34:10
And so an answer to your question, I think there's that vulnerability of being able to say
34:16
things are changing, things are different.
34:19
How can I let down my stories about people, my experiences, my worldview, and have that
34:26
curiosity?
34:27
Again, there's that word again.
34:29
How can I be curious about what that person is going through?
34:32
How can I be curious about what I can do with owning my own attitude, my own self, to be able
34:40
to connect with this person?
34:41
And It's just that to me what the themes that run through, right, building trust, being
34:47
honest with ourselves, with each other, being able to be like, hey.
34:50
I'm not perfect or I did this wrong.
34:53
But I I'm ready to move forward.
34:55
So those are some of the themes I see in in a lot of the in all the work that I've done with
34:58
all the It's
34:59
already ready.
35:00
The themes are the same.
35:01
The sectors might be to rents.
35:02
If you have, like, you know, you know, the p score versus, you know, an airline versus a
35:10
predominantly male environment.
35:11
Obviously, there'd be certain dynamics, so it would be different.
35:14
But at the end of the day, we're all human beings.
35:16
And and you said something really interesting because I know when millennials get a, you
35:20
know, they get a tough go but really if that's what your customer, if your core customer base
35:24
that's growing is a millennial, and you really need to get to understand them.
35:29
Right?
35:30
In that you're going target market or, you know, if if whatever target market it is and if
35:35
you don't have your customer figured out, and your management doesn't have their dynamics
35:40
figured out, and they have all these assumptions about what a millennial is.
35:44
I've met some of the most amazing millennials in my life.
35:47
And, you know, and to to to stereotype them overall, good points.
35:53
But that's and
35:54
it was one of my favorite sessions I had with them.
35:56
I asked because one, you know, they're entitled.
35:58
Someone would always say it.
36:00
It was like clockwork.
36:01
I would ask the question, and they'd say, They all walk around with their earbuds in.
36:05
You know, they're all entitled, and then I would say, well, what what what do you mean by
36:09
entitled?
36:10
And it was, you know, they expect this sort of food.
36:13
They expect us to be on this time.
36:15
They expect everything to be in technology.
36:17
I'm like, so when you travel, when you travel, you know, what what do you expect?
36:22
This kind of food, this technology?
36:23
I'm like, you all want the same thing, but it really it, to your point, they had just built
36:28
it up because it was almost like and I've got my my my completely unscientific Roxanne yet,
36:35
based on my, you know, lack of any sort of research, except for the people I've worked
36:39
with.
36:40
I've got my 5 my 5% rule.
36:42
Right?
36:42
5% of the people are going to be raging jerks, and they're gonna wake up every day and choose
36:47
them about attitude and choose to be an idiot.
36:50
Right?
36:50
Right.
36:50
Right.
36:50
And what we tend to focus on are the 5%ers.
36:53
So I'm always like, let's acknowledge the 5%ers of this We'll wish them well.
36:58
And then let's focus on the 95% of the people that aren't the raging assholes.
37:02
Right?
37:03
So let's focus on them.
37:04
And I think It's almost giving I feel like a lot of what I do Roxanne is giving permission,
37:10
people permission, to just be kind, right, to say, hey.
37:15
There's some jerky people, and I always I always kick the 1994 Stephen Covey Theory of
37:22
see do get.
37:23
Like, what you see is what you do is what you get.
37:25
And I tell stories in my restaurant days when the server would come and say, oh my god, those
37:30
people are gonna be horrible tippers.
37:32
And I'm like, here we go.
37:33
Right?
37:33
And I would watch them go up, not offer specials, not refill their not offer dessert,
37:38
not pre buffs their tables.
37:40
And then the people would leave, and they'd come up and be like, see her, and I told you,
37:43
I'm like, I wouldn't have tipped you.
37:44
I would have yelled at the manager.
37:46
Right?
37:47
So when you it's like when you see suck, you get suck.
37:50
And I think when and going back to the Delta people with their earbuds and, of course, as I
37:55
know everyone can't see me, but I've got my little earbuds in right now.
37:58
I thought that.
37:58
I thought, oh, she's pulling a millennial.
38:00
Not that I'm a millennial, but what I would say to them is always, hey.
38:04
Maybe they're talking, and I think about me traveling.
38:07
Right?
38:07
I'm like, maybe they're listening to a podcast.
38:10
Maybe they're talking to their husband because they haven't had a chance to do it.
38:13
I also am obsessed with Amos Lee.
38:14
I don't know if you know the singer, but, like, maybe they're listening to Amos Lee.
38:18
Like, maybe they're not it's not a it's not an front to you.
38:22
There may be or would I do half the time when I'm traveling?
38:24
I've got my earbuds rocks in Roxanne, but I'm not even I don't even have anything on.
38:28
I just don't wanna even though I'm all about connections, sometimes I'm not about talking.
38:31
Well, sometimes you wanna be off.
38:33
Right?
38:33
I know when I travel sometimes and if I've worked all the time, I don't wanna talk.
38:38
And it's not that I'm I and I love people, but sometimes I'm just I'm spent, and I just wanna
38:42
be able to, or I wanna listen to a podcast or something like that.
38:46
Right.
38:46
But I think that probably what you're talking about is just the difference of millennials
38:50
compared to, my my, generation is that when we got our first jobs, we did what we were
38:59
expected, and we didn't ask questions, and we just said, you're the boss, you're the big
39:03
boss.
39:03
I'll just do it.
39:04
I'll do it to a 150%.
39:05
I'll I'll stay late to this, that, and the other.
39:08
And they're in a different position to say, I wanna love what I do, but I'm not gonna
39:15
sacrifice my life.
39:18
For work.
39:19
So that's completely diametrically opposed, positioning to me, you know, my my generation.
39:26
I know you're a bit younger than me, other than when I got my first the last thing I was gonna
39:31
do was to stand up even even though, you know, I was in a professional organization.
39:35
I was there and you deferred to leadership as being the be all to end all, and you wouldn't
39:41
challenge really very often until you got further along.
39:45
And now they're coming in and they're saying, well, no.
39:47
These are the things that I value.
39:49
You know, work life balance is important.
39:51
I I wanna enjoy what I'm doing.
39:52
So if you think about it, I think their values that they're bringing forward are teaching
39:56
people like, my generation It probably overwhelms people, but it also teaching us the
40:01
things that we waited for for years years to be able to stand up for they're in their twenties
40:07
and they're 25 and they're standing up for it now saying, hold up.
40:10
I'm not gonna, you know, work 70 hour weeks.
40:13
Even though I haven't seen my young baby, I'm gonna be able to go home, and I'm gonna alter
40:18
that so you can keep that perk because I'm that perk is less important to me than maybe that
40:24
experience with my child or maybe a vacation, those types of things.
40:27
So it's, again, different world views.
40:29
You said that earlier.
40:30
That are maybe the, you know, the butt that people run into.
40:34
They bought up against each other.
40:36
And instead of fighting it, why not why not just going back to it?
40:42
Hey, what's gonna work for you?
40:43
And not that that's not that that's, a blank check, but What does matter to you?
40:49
How can we make it work?
40:50
And I think a lot of it goes back to what I keep saying.
40:52
Right?
40:53
We've all learned by watching each other.
40:55
So for us and for you know, nonmillennial generation.
40:59
They're like, hey.
40:59
I've paid my dues for 20 years.
41:01
You're gonna do it the same.
41:02
Why?
41:03
Like, why?
41:04
Why not do it differently?
41:06
Right?
41:06
There goes that's that why not?
41:08
What is the harm of actually having people being driven by their values?
41:12
Like, is that a bad thing?
41:13
You know?
41:13
So I think I think we get caught caught up in it, and I think we sometimes make it harder
41:18
than it needs to be by asking the questions, being willing to change up and take different
41:23
actions.
41:24
And not just going through the motions.
41:26
But with all of the busyness and times as they are today, it's hard not to it's hard not to to
41:33
just go through the motions and just do the best that we can.
41:35
So I think that's one of my things too to slow down, to just realize the impact of being open,
41:42
looking for the possibilities, looking for different ways to connect on that human level.
41:47
The impact that that can have by starting finishing where we started, right, going back
41:52
to the fundamental, the foundational things of listening, of owning our attitudes, of taking
41:58
action and and talking about leadership.
42:01
I mean, in my opinion, I feel like everyone's a leader, and I always say this is my frontline
42:05
people.
42:05
If you are waiting for your leader or manager to inspire you every day, to motivate you every
42:10
day.
42:10
Like, that would be that would be amazing, but guess what?
42:12
Like, yes, and this is something I learned on that island, Roxanne.
42:15
Like, the only person that you're ever gonna have with you all the time is you.
42:19
Right?
42:20
So you better own yourself, own your own leadership.
42:24
What are you bringing to the table Stop waiting for other people.
42:28
Stop waiting for your leader to be your leader and own own your own shit.
42:32
Right?
42:32
Lead yourself.
42:34
Mhmm.
42:34
Absolutely.
42:35
So on your own leadership, that's your quote that right there, because really to your right,
42:40
you know, we can only take responsibility for our actions, and we can always learn.
42:45
I often say sometimes my my biggest teachers are sometimes the smallest people or the people
42:50
that I don't think that I'm going to get the lessons from.
42:53
It's not the big coach or or the person on stage.
42:55
It's maybe someone that I've met in a line.
42:58
And I, you know, because I talked to everybody in lines.
43:00
My son says, Mommy, you talk to everybody.
43:02
And, because I and then, you know, I gained something.
43:05
I think, wow, that that's that's an inch maybe not have been the way that I would think truly,
43:09
Erin, but sometimes people give you so much information and and they teach you so many
43:14
things.
43:14
But it may not be packaged in a way that you're thinking, oh, I'm in a learning situation right
43:19
now.
43:19
Right?
43:20
It's already about being human, being kind, and being gentle.
43:23
And, yes, we are all way too busy and need to slow down, but to recognize that sometimes
43:28
kindness is just as as as small as when you see someone, raising your head, stopping what
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you're doing, and looking over and saying, good morning, with a real true smile.
43:39
Right.
43:39
And I I can't even and it's I and this is one of my favorite things to tell the Delta people
43:45
too, or when we talk to them.
43:47
And I and it's true.
43:48
I'm not making this up.
43:49
I get on a plane.
43:50
It's my favorite thing to do Roxanne.
43:51
I smile.
43:52
Like, I those first class passengers, I have the hugest grin on my face.
43:56
And it's such a fun experiment because a third of the people, like, look at me like I'm crazy,
44:00
rightly so, and then look away.
44:02
And a third of them just look at me like something's wrong with me maybe my math is off,
44:05
but there's always 1 or 2, like, there's normally actually one, maybe two people that
44:10
smile back.
44:10
And I'm like, good morning.
44:12
Have a great fight.
44:12
And they're like, you too.
44:14
And it just and, again, it just it's so fun because, yeah, most people don't understand.
44:20
Like, why?
44:20
What?
44:21
What's she smiling about?
44:22
And it just makes it makes me happy, I mean, in two ways, a, I get to connect with someone just
44:27
for a minute.
44:28
Also, I like to make people, like, think that I'm crazy, you know, as a as a fun aside while
44:31
traveling, but It just it makes you smile, and it makes you laugh.
44:34
And I And
44:35
it just makes your time on that plane a little bit, you know, if you see that person again,
44:39
you know, you just
44:40
Like, I'll see him at the baggage clean.
44:42
We start chatting.
44:43
Like, it always and again, imagine as imagine if we walked into work every day and said hello
44:49
to everyone with a smile.
44:51
Right?
44:51
I mean, and this is people are like, Erin, how can I help?
44:53
I mean, I don't wanna give away my secrets, but I'm like, walk in and say hello to your people.
44:57
There's step number and so many people.
45:00
Yeah.
45:00
We've got all these problems.
45:01
I'm like, you're you're you're the quick one.
45:04
Ask your people.
45:06
And it never it never ceases to be amazing Iraq because I'm like you.
45:09
I will talk to everyone.
45:10
Right?
45:10
Oh, tell me about this, and I'll go in and to the leaders and be like, hey.
45:14
So Did you know that this happened to sew and sew?
45:16
And they're like, I have no idea how to and they tell you everything.
45:19
That's my favorite.
45:19
Erin, they tell you everything.
45:20
I'm like, because I asked, I got it's not like I pump them up with truth serum.
45:24
Like, I'm just saying, like, hey.
45:26
What's going on in your life?
45:27
Like, do you have a family?
45:28
You just ask a few questions.
45:30
And Sure.
45:31
Again, that's that's the question.
45:32
The curiosity, being able to to listen and just being able to well, what would you said about
45:38
learning?
45:39
So there's always something to learn from someone, right, as long as we're open to it.
45:43
You never know where that teacher comes from, and Sometimes it's just the most unlikely ways.
45:49
Sorry.
45:49
This has been fantastic.
45:51
I've I've learned, you know, something And I I think I'm gonna I'm gonna do a quote with this
45:58
with your name on and be your own leadership because that's because I love it.
46:02
So I'm gonna I'm gonna do a quote and put it up because I think that that's came from you
46:07
because I think it's so true because we're always waiting for somebody else to show us, to
46:12
lead, right, So if you could be your own leadership, you're demonstrating this is how I
46:16
want the world to see me and what, you know, and then you're you're putting it out there.
46:20
You're a neon lights.
46:20
This is who I am, and I think it's a if we can all be our own leader, out there wherever we
46:26
are, we're gonna make a difference.
46:28
Now, Erin, so tell everyone that's listening.
46:31
This has been fantastic.
46:32
Where can they get a hold of you when they wanna find out more about you?
46:37
And, you know, if they wanted to coach with you, in the future where they could, get ahold
46:42
of you.
46:43
So my website is erinomallyconnects.com.
46:47
It's d rinom allyconnects.com.
46:51
And then I'm on Instagram, same, Aaron O'Malley Connect.
46:54
So those are the 2 Those are the two places where you can find me, and Instagram is my
47:00
social media of choice these days.
47:02
And, of course, and LinkedIn too.
47:04
So I'm on LinkedIn as well.
47:05
So I post a lot of things out there as well.
47:08
Awesome.
47:08
Awesome.
47:09
So, again, thank you everyone for listening.
47:12
We've learned some fantastic things sometimes, the little the littlest things, that we do
47:17
maybe could impact.
47:18
So, I think what I've learned today is you never know try to be kind and gentle.
47:23
And a smile is like a big hug.
47:26
It's, you know, you never know that maybe the have been the only connection that that person
47:31
had that day.
47:32
So if you're wanting more, from me, it's, thank you again for listening to authentic living
47:38
with Roxanne.
47:39
You can go to my website roxannedurhodge.comforward/course where you can
47:44
sign up for a free course that I have.
47:47
To talk a lot more about authenticity.
47:49
So take care, and we will chat with you soon.
47:53
Take care.
47:54
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
47:58
healthy change.
47:58
Roxanne is a keynote speaker psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
48:07
roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
48:11
We'll see you next time.
48:13
On authentic living with Roxanne.