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The Most Important Relationship in Your Business — The One With Yourself · The Sharon Francisco Show

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Sharon Francisco Show.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: The most important relationship in your business.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Who do you think that might be?
0:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, what if your secret source, your uniqueness, isn't your qualifications, not even your experience, or even your business strategy?
0:26
SPEAKER_00: What if it's the relationship that you have with yourself?
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay, because every day, through hundreds of tiny choices, you are either strengthening that relationship or weakening it.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: All right, I'm gonna go through this and unpack it.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: I have a really interesting story that I'm gonna tell you that can highlight this.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: And before I go on, if you feel like you've nailed this and you've got a great relationship with yourself and you feel like you've built a business, making great money, you feel like you got all your ducks in a row, and you know what's gonna be in this podcast for me, keep listening.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: That's gonna be some interesting stuff at the end.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: So don't switch off now.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think there's going to be some distinctions that are going to make around this that will hope hopefully help you step up to the next stage in your evolution of your business ownership or you just growing as a human being.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: So, this, I guess, the distinction we need to explore is this is not believing you are brilliant at everything.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: It's actually believing that you can learn things, new things.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: You can build a skill, you can ask for help, you can survive being uncomfortable.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: If it goes badly, you believe you will not turn against yourself.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Loving yourself unconditionally does not mean approving of everything that you do.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: It means refusing to withdraw your love of yourself every time you stuff up or get something wrong or do something where you just cringe and think, really?
2:00
SPEAKER_00: How did I do that?
2:02
SPEAKER_00: And I tell you, I've got many of those moments, and I've spent many of my life trying to, much of my life telling myself, Sharon, it's fine.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: You're fine.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: Because you know what?
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Everyone has those things.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: It's not unique.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Don't you hate that?
2:16
SPEAKER_00: You are unique, but you're not unique with this.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: All right, so let's think about how we can help ourselves with this.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: So there's a few some familiar sort of things I'm going to talk about because I think they're worth talking about, not just once or twice.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: They're worth kind of weaving throughout my podcast through just as a little reminder.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: So we know that there's things, if you're not feeling fantastic about yourself and just loving yourself and being able to get over those tricky, embarrassing things or the things we do or say, or whatever something that you just die for, these are the kind of foundations that we need to rebuild ourselves from.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: And we need to make sure that foundation is rock solid.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: And to help us be rock solid around that, we need to eat good quality food.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: If you can afford it, and if you own a business, make sure you can afford it with the next client you get.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: And I know it's tricky when you first start doing this, but eat organic food.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: Eat good quality, organic, non-chemically sprayed food.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: It is so important.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Chemically sprayed food gives you all the things.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: And I don't care if the research has got it or not yet, but you know if you're eating good quality food, your body is loving it.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: There's a whole bunch of things associated with autoimmune diseases and goodness knows what that we're battling with that, the chemicals.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: And this is not the podcast for talking holistically about this, but I'm very passionate about it.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, just things like getting toothbrushes that aren't plastic.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: If you're putting a plastic toothbrush in your mouth twice a day, don't go find some bamboo ones that do not do that.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: You can go to an organic shop, but now even in Kohl's and Walgres and the mainstream stores, there's there's alternatives.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: So don't put plastic in your mouth twice a day.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: That's an important one.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: So making sure you eat good quality organic food if you can afford it.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: If you can't, if you're a meat eater, make sure you uh buy good quality meat that's organic and grass-fed and all the good things.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Drink enough water.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: And when you're drinking water, make sure it's good quality water.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: I talk extensively with the Marcus Pierce.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't heard his podcast on here where I interview him, he is a blue zone specialist, which is people that live over 100.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Um and he talks, we we had a good discussion about Zay Zen water.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Zay Zen water is the closest uh to what the Blue Zone people drink that we've artificially uh created through this company called Zay Zen, Z-A-Z-D-E-N water.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: So eat good quality organic food, drink to at least two waters a day, two liters of water a day.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Move your body regularly and I mean move, like get a bit of a sweat up, get your heart rate up three to four times a week, moving your body regularly.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: And I don't care if it's three times, I don't care if it's five times, just moving your body regularly is really important.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: Keep promises to yourself.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: Don't let yourself down.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: If you say, look, Sharon, I'm gonna go to bed at this time and I'm gonna get up at this time, do it.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: Don't let yourself down, go stuffed up again.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: You weren't even serious to begin with if you set the goal.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Set the goal, stick with it.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Back what you say you're going to do, and then you'll start to trust yourself more.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Spend time with people that are kind and uplifting and expanding.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Hanging out with people that just are lovely, good, wholesome people is really important.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't got those good, wholesome people around you, set a goal to meet more of those people.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: If you're not a good, wholesome person yourself, which I'm sure you are if you're listening to my podcast, but if you feel like you've got some work to do, go do the work.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: Go to a psych, go to a therapist, go to think, go talk to somebody to help you figure out why you might be doing things in a certain way and understand what that might be.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: You can read a book, you can listen to podcasts, you can start educating yourself if you feel, because I think to attract good quality, nice people into your life, you've got to be a good quality, nice person, or those sort of people aren't going to want to be around you.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: So developing yourself so you do attract those sort of people.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not ashamed to say that I'm always looking out for really nice, good quality friends.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: I set a goal every year.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: I want to attract three new friends into my life.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: I love being around good quality, nice people that are just wholesome and doing good things for the world and growing and learning and authentic and just really glass half-ball type people.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: They're hard to find, but they're out there.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: So look for them.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Set a goal to find them.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Because being around those sort of people, I'm very, very lucky to have a lot of good people around me.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I was just born into a beautiful family.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm very, very lucky.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: And I know that I'm lucky with that.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: But obviously, the anything outside of that, I've worked to try really hard to surround myself with good quality people.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Speak to yourself with respect.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to expand a little bit on this in a minute, too.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: But you've got to say good things to yourself.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: If you're if you're looking at yourself and you're even thinking, oh, I don't like the way this looks, or I don't like the way that looks, or I sound, or whatever.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: How many times do I hear from people, I don't like the sound of my own voice?
7:39
SPEAKER_00: No one does.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Get over it.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: You don't, I don't like the sound of my own voice.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: Get over it.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: I just like I started a podcast.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest things that stopped me from starting this podcast was what am I going to say?
7:51
SPEAKER_00: And I hate the sound of my own voiced voice.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
7:54
SPEAKER_00: I've been doing this nearly 12 months.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: I think it's nearly 12 months this month.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm over that now.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: I got over that really early.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, I just want to get my message out there.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: And I started realizing, oh, I've maybe got a bit more to say than I thought.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: So once you start, you kind of create that and you understand that, you know, these things don't really matter.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Who cares if your voice sounds weird?
8:14
SPEAKER_00: It's it's your voice.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: Love it.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: And now I've learned to love my voice.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: And ironically, you know, this is really weird as a side note with that.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I've I remember those of you who are my vintage, you know, when you used to record yourself on the cassettes and you record your voice, and I'd listen back and I go, that's that's not my voice.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: That's not me.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Who is that?
8:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've if you could relate.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's not me.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: I sound like a boy.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't sound like a woman.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: And then I realized that's that is how I sound.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: And that's where I started to learn I don't like my voice.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: So I had to do a lot of thinking around, you know what, Sharon, it doesn't matter to start this podcast, even.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: So that's a belief that I had that makes no impact on me now, but did for a long time.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what things that I would have avoided based on that belief I had about myself.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: So back to my back to my meaning for this podcast is that speak to yourself with respect.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: Speak, speak to yourself with kindness, with respect, with you know, nice, kind thoughts and words.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: And catch yourself very quickly if you start saying negative things about yourself.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: You just stop that straight away and go, no, that's not the way I think now.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: That's before, this is me now.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Another one, I know I've mentioned this in other podcasts, but notice yourself in the mirror instead of immediately finding fault.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: So you know that when I walk past a mirror, I always try to remember to look in the mirror and go, oh, you're beautiful.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Straight away.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: I look at myself and go, oh, you're beautiful.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Now, did I think I was beautiful when I looked in the mirror all the time?
9:51
SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: I look at myself and go, oh, look at that's how my hair's and oh no, all the things that us girls think.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: We think all the negative stuff.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: We need to start looking in the mirror and going, you're beautiful.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: And then find the things that it'd be.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: If I like my hair, I like this, I like that, I like that, and start saying nice things to you to yourself.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: Before you know it, you'll start feeling great about yourself.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: And you too will be walking past mirrors going, Oh, you're beautiful, you're hot, you're sexy, whatever you want to say to yourself.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I tell myself all wonderful things in the mirror, and I think, I'm sure you think I'm mad, but you know, it doesn't matter.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: You just say nice things to yourself.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Attempt things before you feel completely ready to do so.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: Soon after my separation, I used to be a touch football player back in my little tiny community.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: It's easy to be a gun in a tiny community, isn't it?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: And I loved it and I found it exhilarating and I could run really fast and I got tries and it felt fantastic.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: So that was in my early 20s.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: I separated in uh 40 something, early 40s, and I thought, you know what, I'm going to join a touch football team, and I couldn't find one out here, so I went into Brisbane City and I joined a touch football team.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: Well, goodness gracious, I wasn't as good as what I remembered I was.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: I did about three games and I just, oh lordy, I'd lost a lot of fitness and I felt way, way out of my depth.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: You play touch football in a big city like Brisbane, it's very different to a small country town.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't uh do that for very much longer because I thought I was actually gonna injure myself trying to prove that I could keep up with them.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: So I chose a different sport.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: I decided not to pursue my touch football career in my mid-40s.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: But attempting things before you feel completely ready, that's an example of that.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: I thought, you know what, I'm gonna put myself out there, see how I go.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I was nervous.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: I thought, you know what, I'm putting myself into a group of people I've never met before.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: I was a single woman, and I thought I'm going to give it a go.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: While I learned pretty quick that I was a bit out of my league, I discovered other things that I could do.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: And that really sort of grew from there with the other sort of hobbies that I was uh stepping into.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Record the things you've handled that you once thought you could not.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: So write out, get a journal, even uh in your notes, start writing out the things that you've handled that you once thought you could not, because you be whether you like it or not, you're doing things on a daily basis that perhaps 10 or 20 years ago that you couldn't have done.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: And now you're doing it, doing it because you've learned and you've experienced it through repetition or whatever it might be.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So acknowledging that that you've grown and you've learned, which I think is an important thing.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: All of these things that I've just read out eating good quality food, drinking a lot of water, moving your body regularly, keeping promises to yourself, spending time with people who are kind and loving and uplifting, speak to yourself with respect and kindness, noticing yourself in the mirror and saying, you're sexy, you're beautiful.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Attempt things before you feel completely ready and record these things that you've already handled that you once couldn't have.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: All of those things are like the foundation.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: That's the foundation that we need to kind of wake up with every day to go, oh, got that sorted.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't got that sorted, these are the things to be consistently working on.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: These are the things I definitely have seen as my foundational things.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how much I've told you about this in my previous podcast, but I attended a whole bunch of professional development in my mid-20s.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: I did the Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within three or four times, and then we we staffed that.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: So we staffed that about three times in Australia, then we did the uh Tony Robbins University, we went to Palm Springs and we did the one with relationships, and we did the we we did some of the um the university that he did, but then we did other things too.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: We did a whole bunch of different things.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: We never did there's one called Landmark that apparently is very good as well, and I've heard a lot of good stories about those, that, um, which is a really good self-development sort of thing.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: But we threw ourselves at a whole bunch of different things with books and um seminars and things of a whole bunch of different things.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: And I kind of cherry-picked the things out of the conferences that we did uh to lay this found kind of foundation that I've come up with and read books and things to come up with that foundation for myself.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: So these are the things that I'm constantly working on.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that I have these things nailed all the time, but I know that they're kind of my foundation that I need to work on to make sure that I've got um that strong.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: Because anything that you might put yourself out there as a might feel a bit of a stretch or a you know, bit beyond what you would think that you could do.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't got these foundational things happening, it's gonna be a little bit trickier because when you're eating lots of chemicals and sugar and things like that, it's you know, your body's not coping so well.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: You're probably not moving as much as you should if you're doing that.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: Um if you're not moving your body and you're not got blood running through your body and you're feeling fit, you're not gonna feel as good about yourself, you're not gonna get those feel-good endorphins.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: There's so many good things about that list.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: But again, cherry pick from that list and come up with your own list of your foundation.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: There, this is the world according to Sharon Francisco.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: So just cherry pick from that or use mine.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: It's up to you with what you want to do.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: But the foundation has to be strong.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Sleep is another one that I haven't put in there.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty anal about the time I go to sleep and I wake up and I've always, thank goodness, I've always been a good sleeper.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think that I might have convinced myself of that.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: And if you're not a good sleeper, reach out to me.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: I've got a whole bunch of ideas about getting good sleep, and a lot's got to do with functional medicine as well.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: So, um, and I've got a functional medicine episode on here, and I'm about to interview another functional medicine doctor as well.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: So, sleep is one of the one of the really important ones.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: If you're not getting enough sleep, it can truly, truly affect you.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: So make sure you're doing that.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: All right, I'm gonna give you an example of um how you can start believing in yourself more around this sort of stuff.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: So if you feel like you're about to step into big scary things in your business, you're about to hire a bookkeeper for the first time, or you're about to make a decision to grow your revenue and start to step up with the type of clients you work with, or starting to step back and delegating from your business.
16:22
SPEAKER_00: So you're just working on your business and doing more marketing and um professional development for your bookkeepers, anything that might feel like a bit of a stretch, this story is for you to know that this stretching can feel weird and awkward and you may not feel ready for it.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: And it might feel a bit scary, like putting out your prices, or moving from hourly rate to fixed pricing, or moving from fixed pricing to value pricing, where you're pricing based on your value, not the amount of hours work you do.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: And I know for a lot of people that can feel a little bit uh hard to get your head around.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: This story is for any of you that are starting to make steps into the areas that you feel a bit unsure about.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Not long after I separated in 2013 with my husband, he we were together for 26 years, I made a decision, not consciously, subconsciously, to stop spending money on anything that was not necessary.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: I stopped everything, including my thyroid medication.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: I can't believe that I did that, but I did that.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: I stopped all spending on uh anything that I deemed as extra.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: And because I was a single mum, I had to budget carefully and I just which I just stopped spending money.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: And replacing an iPhone, and at that time I can't remember how much it was, but a couple of grand anyway, wasn't on my bingo card.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: I I wasn't spending any extra money.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: So I had to careful carefully budget.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: I uh was quite intimidated by anything that I felt like I had to spend extra money on.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: So of course, when I went, I went, I used to shop at Aldi, and I still do, no judgment with that.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that there's some amazing things at Aldi, but I did all my shopping at Aldi.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Every Saturday morning I'd go down and get all the things, including my cat food and all the things.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: I went down on this Saturday morning.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: It was very busy.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: If you've ever been to Al an Aldi on Saturday morning, it's very, very busy.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: And for some reason, when I in the cat food section, I left my iPhone on top of a box.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: I went through, got my groceries, drove home, and realized I had left my phone at Aldi.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Now I went home and I got my other son's phone and I rang my son that lives in San Francisco on his phone.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Now, my son, quite thankfully, was working in downtown San Francisco at an Apple store.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: So I rang him and I explained what had happened.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: I said, Zachy, can you help me?
18:57
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Definitely, Mom, there's an alarm on your phone that I can set because Zach has all my passwords and everything in my phone.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: So he just logged in and he said, I'm going to set your alarm off on your phone when you go back.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Great.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: And he said, It's going to be quite loud and it'll be easy for you to hear.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Great.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: I think it should be just sitting on top of the cat food thing.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: I know where I was last.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: Walked in and then he set the alarm off and it wasn't at that area.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: So I said, but I can hear it at the front of the Audi store.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: So I walked up to the front of the Audi store.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: There was about 30 people at the registers.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: You know what it's like with uh supermarkets on Saturday mornings.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: It was very, very busy.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: And the alarm was going off.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: I could hear it.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: It was like beep, beep, beep, really loud.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, that's my phone.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Great, somebody's got it.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: So I said in a very loud voice, in front of 30 to 50 people.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember how many there were, but there were a lot there.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: In a very loud voice, I said, That's my phone.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: That alarm is my phone.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: Who has my phone?
19:57
SPEAKER_00: Now I said that really loud, and everyone stopped and looked at me.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: Intimidated much.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: I felt completely out of my comfort zone yelling out, saying that that's my phone.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: That alarm is my phone.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: No one did anything, they just stared at me, including the cash cashiers, like the um the people that were serving.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: They they just everyone just stopped and stared at me.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: And in my body, I just wanted to run.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, I can't.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: I I am not spending money on another new iPhone.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm just not.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I I it's not in the budget.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm not spending that money.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: So I gathered up the carriage again to say, that alarm is my phone.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: Where is my phone?
20:50
SPEAKER_00: Who has got my phone?
20:52
SPEAKER_00: I said it three to four times.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: I yelled, and seriously, it was quite intimidating and embarrassing and overwhelming.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, a person not too far away, a lady in one of the lines quite close, stepped forward, put a hand in her pocket, pulled out the phone that was beeping very, very loudly at this stage because I think she was trying to muffle it.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: And she handed it to me.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: And me in my little innocent way, I thought she'd found it.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Thank you so much.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: And the cashier said, Thank you so much.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry to disturb everyone.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: I found my phone.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: I said, and out I went.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: And stupid me as I was driving home.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that girl had my phone.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: She was trying to let me make me go away, I'm sure, by muffling it.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, that's not part of the story.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: So essentially, I had to gather up the courage to stand up for myself because I felt like I was essentially backed into a corner because I didn't want to spend the money.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the Money to spend on another iPhone anyway.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: So, because of the feeling of me being vulnerable around money, it actually forced me out way out of my comfort zone to do something that I never, ever, ever would as a married woman with two incomes and feeling quite comfortable around money.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: I never would have done it, ever.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: So, what was the difference?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Still the same Sharon, but I was putting putting myself into a different situation.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: By then I was a single mother.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: And me, a single mother, I felt um quite vulnerable around money.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: And I knew I had to speak up to if I didn't want to spend the money.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: So it forced me into becoming more courageous than I probably would have if I wasn't feeling the vulnerability around my money.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: So the real lesson here is what struck me afterwards was that I had absolutely no choice but to back myself.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't afford to feel embarrassed.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: I could not worry about 30 strangers that just stared back at me and didn't say anything or do anything.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: I could not quietly disappear because making a scene felt uncomfortable.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: I needed that phone, so I found my voice.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Literally, I spoke up.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Would I have behaved that boldly if replacing it had meant nothing financially?
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe not.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: Hard times sometimes removes the luxury of self-doubt.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: They force us to find a stronger version of ourselves because the comfortable option is no longer available.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: So I was shaking, but I still did it.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: And I literally was shaking.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: I was so nervous.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: That is what confidence really looks like.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: It's not the absence of fear or embarrassment or waiting for you till till you're ready.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: It's deciding that what matters is more important than how uncomfortable you might feel about it.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to wait until life backs you into a corner to do this, which is the good thing.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: You can start practicing that kind of self-trust right now.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: So let's think about and talk about the science behind this stuff.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Psychologist Albert Bandura called this, and I struggle with the pronunciation of this self-efficacy.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not going to try and say that again.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: Our belief in our ability to handle a particular challenge.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: So it's all around the belief that we can do it.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: His research found the strongest source of this self-efficacy is mastery experience.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: We build belief by attempting something, working through it, and collecting evidence that we can cope.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: So we gather the evidence that we can actually do that by telling ourselves, well, I did this and I did this and I did this.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: Confidence is therefore built through action, not waiting.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: And this comes from the American Psychological Association.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: Your focus on relationships is also sound.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: The Harvard study of adult development found that warm and supportive relationships are strongly connected with happiness and long-term health.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: That's why relationships, the people that you spend the time most time with, have such a massive, massive impact on who you are and how you behave and what you do.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: The popular claim that we become the average of the five people is not established science, but who we surround ourselves with matters.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: And this is Harvard research.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Because I always talk about the five people we spend the most time with is, you know, essentially who you are, who you become.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: There's no uh studies around this, but basically there are studies that support that kind of thinking through Harvard.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: A fascinating challenge for the mirror section.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when we talk about the mirror, looking into the mirror and saying good things, research suggests that exaggerated affirmations can actually sometimes make people with low self-esteem feel actually worse by saying that because they say, Oh, you're beautiful, but then the internal dialogue is perhaps no, you're not, or whatever.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: So perhaps the practice is not pretending, it is deliberate learning to see yourself with warmth.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: So try this instead if you feel that this is my body by saying this, this is my body, it has carried me through everything.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: So in my case, it's carried me through um being pregnant with two boys and giving birth naturally to two boys.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: And I my body has carried me through that.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to treat it like it belongs to someone I deeply love, which is yourself.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: So think about all the amazing things that you've done throughout your life, and by treating your body and talking to it like it belongs to somebody that you deeply love.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: So looking through that lens might be a little bit helpful as well.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: So the challenge.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: If you're thinking, you know what, I'm already confident this episode isn't for me, I want you to think bigger and think about where you can take this.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: So if you've already established that you've got a bit of, you know, a feeling that you can do anything that you put your mind to and you feel you're confident with that and whatever thing that you put your mind to that you can achieve.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Have you really truly reached your full potential, do you think?
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Or have you simply become comfortable at your current level?
27:50
SPEAKER_00: And I would challenge you, if you are feeling comfortable at this level, it's time to step up and look at what the next level is.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: When the business finally works, that's not necessarily the arrival.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: That can be actually the beginning of your next stage.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: And whatever your next stage might be, it might be your contribution stage where you start to teach what you've learned.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: It might be where you start to create more artistically.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: You might start start doing some different working on different skills that you can either teach other people or just for your own well-being.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: Who could benefit from what you've learned?
28:26
SPEAKER_00: So thinking about that, what challenge would require you to become someone new?
28:31
SPEAKER_00: So thinking about what you would need to get as a challenge to go to that next level.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: My personal belief is with this is we've been put on this earth for a reason.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: And I believe we've been put on this earth to live into our full unexplored skills and our inner knowledge that perhaps hasn't been fully expressed yet.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: So, what were we put here for?
28:59
SPEAKER_00: So, my belief is at this stage of my life, I believe I've been put on this earth to help as many women in finance be financially independent because of the fear that I've gone through.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: And I've just told you that story at Aldi, that has shaped me into somebody that wasn't the Sharon Francisco before that.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: That's why I thought it was so important for me to take my maiden name back.
29:25
SPEAKER_00: My married name was Sharon Parsons.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: My maiden, my name that I was born with was Sharon Francisco, and it was very, very important for me to take my name back.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: So I felt like me again.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: And even my husband, because it was an amicable separation, said, You're going to get your name back now, Shaza.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: And that's true.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: I said, Yep, and I'm never ever giving it up for anyone again.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: And as you may know, I got married a couple of years ago now to Pierre, and I said that I'm keeping my name.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I'm not taking your name, which I'm he was completely fine with, which was wonderful.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: So being fully expressed, and if you're uh if you feel like you've nailed a few things, that's where you start to think about well, who else can I help nail that?
30:09
SPEAKER_00: What I've learned, who can I teach that to?
30:11
SPEAKER_00: And you can do that through a whole host of different ways through podcasts, you can write a book, you can start speaking on stages or webinars and things like that, or just in your local community, sharing what you know with your local community, even in schools, uh going and reading, anything that you think might give back to the community.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: There's something quite magical about helping people understand something that may have taken you a long time to learn and now you've learned it, and then giving it back, but also understanding how you can package that up in a way where it lands for people.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: And that's a skill in itself as well.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: So there's a whole bunch of things you can do.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: So my belief is it's a very long-winded way of saying this, I'm gonna keep doing this till I die.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: I believe that I'll keep growing and learning and giving back and all the things.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: And whatever happens on this journey as I step into it, I'll discover new things and understand new stuff that I can start putting myself in.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: Like 12 months ago, the biggest thing for me was to start this darn podcast.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: What am I, what have I got to say?
31:08
SPEAKER_00: Now I feel like I can't stop myself from talking.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: So it's only the fact that I started this where I got that feeling from.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: So think about if you've already nailed a lot of stuff, you've grown a great bookkeeping business or you've grown a great business and you're like, okay, well, what's next?
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Start taking the steps to do that.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: There's a awesome guy called Jason Silver.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: He used to do a YouTube channel, he had a YouTube channel and it was called Shots of Ore.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: Also with the National Geographic as well, I think.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, his name's Jason Silver, S-I-L-V-A.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: And he had a thing where he, he's a very, very interesting guy.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: It's so many cool things he's explored.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: He said, when when you travel, you come back as a different person.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: You cannot travel to another country and then come back the same person because your eyes have been exposed to different things, your different cultures, different food, different conversations, different ways of living.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: You see all these, especially if you go to cool countries like 10 years ago after my separation, I went to Morocco.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: And I just that blew my mind, like going to the Sooks and going up to the Atlas Mountains and doing all these different things, drinking the most sweet tea I've ever had in my life and all of these different things.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: I came back a different person.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, these are people living around the world that are just that's their life.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: That's how they live.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: And then I come back here with that as a my filter.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: So if you need a shakeup, get overseas to one of those crazy countries that's so different to here.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: So open your eyes to different ways of living.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: So you come back here and you go, right, what can I do with that information?
32:44
SPEAKER_00: So getting passionate about what your next stage is, never feel like you've arrived.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: Never feel like, okay, now I can buy the caravan and travel around Australia.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you can, but there's a whole bunch of things that you can do while you're doing that.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: There's so many cool things to explore and learn and experience to give back to the world.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think that kind of thinking can make you feel really excited about the day today as well.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: So maybe the reward for mastering one level is not retirement from growth.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's being invited into a bigger arena.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: There's some books that are associated with this as well.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: Some of them I've read, some of them I haven't.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: Self-compassion by Kristen Neath, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, The Good Life by Robert Waldenger and Mark Schultz, and Mindset by Dr.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: Carol Dweck.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: That is an awesome book.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: If you have not read that book, that's one of the ones I've read, and I think it's amazing.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: All those details will be in the show notes.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, this has been helpful for you today.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: And until next time, talk to you soon.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Bye.