Latest / Salish Wolf / #47 Mark Wolynn on Inherited Trauma, Family Constellations, and the Impacts of a Pandemic

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#47 Mark Wolynn on Inherited Trauma, Family Constellations, and the Impacts of a Pandemic · Salish Wolf

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  We rarely make the link that our anxiety.
• 0:04
  Our hyper-vigilance are depression is connected to our
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  parents, and our grandparents. We just think we're wired this
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  way memories of trauma, are somehow imprinted in our parents
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  and grandparents sperm cells, and egg cells.
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  And then this information is passed forward to us.
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  And then, as a result, we can be born with turd brains that are
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  preparing us biologically to cope with traumas that are
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  similar to The traumas are parents or grandparents
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  experienced welcome to sellers wolf a podcast.
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  Bringing you inspirational stories of extraordinary
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  Endeavors. I am your host Todd Howard.
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  Just south of my Vancouver Island home as a tiny
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  archipelago on which for nearly a decade.
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  Lived a most astonishing animal, a lone wolf Takea as he would be
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  named survived and thrived in an environment where likely no wolf
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  had ever set foot in the process.
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  He captured the hearts of a community and showed us even the
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  most unlikely as possible. His story is not dissimilar to
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  those of the individuals interviewed on this podcast.
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  At some point, they each had to turn to their inner Lone, Wolf
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  from there, they were able to lead.
• 1:23
  And Inspire my intention is to share a third Journeys to help
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  you discover your own inner greatness and Peace, this
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  podcast is brought to you by Anchor Point Expeditions, where
• 1:34
  I provide life-changing personal leadership, Retreats for men
• 1:37
  coaching and other valuable personal growth resources.
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  Visit Anchor Point, expeditions.com to see where
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  your journey could take you. Marc Bolan is an expert on
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  inherited family, trauma, and the author of the book, it
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  didn't start with you, his research and perspectives on
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  trauma, provide immense opportunities for healing, not
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  just for the individual. But for generations to come by
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  understanding where we have come from and the baggage that we
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  carry, we can live with fewer emotional burdens today and
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  break cycles that might sabotage our future and that of our
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  Offspring, I cannot more strongly recommend marks book
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  and we explore many of its Concepts in this interview.
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  Again, with the notion of inherited family, trauma in the
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  direct, biological link of, at least, three family generations,
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  and energetically of many more, another major topic is
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  attachment trauma and we discuss how our break and the mother
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  Bond at any stage of childhood. Development can have massive
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  reverberations and adulthood and potentially through the family,
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  lineage, and his book and clinical practice Mark, explores
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  core language and how it can serve as a map through our
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  family, history to the root of traumas.
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  Mark, also takes us along his personal Journey into a
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  debilitating condition that catalyzed, his Global Travel in
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  search of healers and healing what?
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  He eventually discovered shocked him and sent him back to his
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  childhood home to renegotiate, his relationship with his
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  parents. They're a hug from his mom
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  helped, not only to initiate his healing but also helped to shape
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  his clinical practice. And we talked about the power of
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  hugs and therapy. We also talked about his work
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  and family constellations and assess, the global traumas of
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  the pandemic that are affecting all of us through his work and
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  writing. Elegantly lays out possible
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  paths to recovery and has helped countless break the cycle of
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  suffering. This is a practical eye-opening
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  and inspirational interview that has the potential to serve all
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  of humanity. Please enjoy this episode of
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  Salish, wolf with Marquel Lynn, Mark, welcome to Salish wolf.
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  Thank you for having me Todd. It's great to finally connect
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  with you and I we've been plotting this for a while and
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  thank you for your patience while we manage to do this.
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  We've already started chatting before we hit record here.
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  So pretty excited about the episode.
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  I will just start by saying that I first learned about you
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  through your book. It didn't start with you, which
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  is an Incredible Book. I'm sure I'll talk about it much
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  more during the podcast but I just want to highly recommend it
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  to anyone and everyone and At the core of this book is
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  basically the concept that trauma doesn't begin with us.
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  It begins Generations before. And so as I read through your
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  book, I'm constantly sharing excerpts with my wife or in my
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  head, I'm thinking oh this is this reminds me exactly of this
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  person or this explains this thing and it just feels like
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  it's such a beautifully researched book and and
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  well-written and He just seems too when I read it it's just
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  like, yeah, that makes complete sense.
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  And I read it. Now, a number of times because I
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  keep going back and I think you more.
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  Yeah. So let's just start with that
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  concept of family trauma inherited, trauma is something
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  that we each carry within us and this again going back
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  generation. So if you can kind of set the
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  stage for that and for the rest of our conversation with this,
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  thank you. So let's say, one of our parents
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  or our Parents had a significant trauma.
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  They lost their mother or father when they were young, or, or
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  maybe our mother or father, they were sent away to be raised by
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  relative or placed in an orphanage or maybe one of their
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  siblings died tragically when they were young an event.
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  Like this can break the heart of the family.
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  And what we now know, is the reaction to the trauma.
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  Doesn't necessarily stop with the people who experienced it.
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  So the feelings the sensations specifically the stress
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  response, the way the genes Express.
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  This can pass forward to the children and the grandchildren
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  affecting them in a similar way even though they didn't
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  personally experienced that trauma.
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  So now there's substantial biological evidence for this
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  that Straits. That's what is that biological
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  evidence? Well, I'll so I guess I'll start
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  at the beginning. When a trauma happens, literally
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  it changes us, it cost us a chemical change in our DNA.
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  And, and this can change how our genes function sometimes
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  regeneration. So, technically, after this
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  event happens after this, terrible experience happens, a
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  chemical tag or an epigenetic tags.
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  Tag will attach to our DNA and it'll tell ourselves, hey, use
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  this. Use these genes or ignore, these
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  genes, enabling us to better deal with what's happened the
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  trauma. And then the way our genes are
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  affected will change, how we act or feel, for example, we can
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  become sensitive or reactive to situations that are similar to
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  the original Trauma, even if that, trauma occurred in a
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  previous generation, so that we have a better chance of
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  surviving it in this generation. I'll give you an example, Todd,
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  if our grandparents came from a war-torn country.
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  So people are being shot, bombs are going off, bullets are
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  flying uniformed, men or lining people up in the Square.
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  People are being taken away. Away imprisoned.
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  Our grandparents, witnessing it or experiencing it would develop
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  and pass forward a skill. Set a particular skill set.
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  Now the skill set can have good things attached to it.
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  Sharper reflexes quicker, reaction times reactions to the
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  violence, to help them survive. The strum that they're
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  experiencing but the problem is now they're passing forward this
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  the same. Set and here we are inheriting a
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  stress response with the dials set to 10 prepared for this war.
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  This catastrophe. These uniformed men ready to
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  take us away and we live in the suburbs.
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  It was. So here we are preparing for
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  this catastrophe, that never arrives and we rarely make the
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  link that our anxiety our hyper-vigilance Our depression
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  is connected to our parents and our grandparents.
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  We just think we're wired this way, and when you say
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  epigenetic, I'm sure most listeners are familiar with
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  that. But can you give a bit of a
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  definition for what? Epigenetic is sure.
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  So when we're talking about Epi genetic around above the jeans
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  were not. We're talking that you're the
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  genome doesn't itself. It doesn't change.
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  The sequence doesn't change. Change.
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  But the way the genes Express that changes for example
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  memories of trauma are somehow imprinted in our parents and
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  grandparents sperm cells and egg cells.
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  And then this information is passed forward to us.
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  And then, as a result, we can be born with altered brains, that
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  are preparing us biologically to cope with.
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  Traumas that are similar to The traumas are parents or
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  grandparents experienced. And when you speak about egg
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  cells, in biologically speaking, the egg cells of a fertile
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  woman, we're actually in her mother at.
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  How does that work at? Like the time of her Pace but
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  when our grandmother's pregnant with our mother.
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  Yes. And I love that, you're bringing
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  this up because it's such a strong image.
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  When our grandmother is pregnant, with our mother, our
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  mother's egg cells. One of which will become us are
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  already embedded already in her womb when she's a fetus.
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  So when our mothers, when her mother is five months of fetus,
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  the cell line, the egg cell line stops dividing.
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  So, all the eggs show ever have, one of which will be us is
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  already in our Others womb inside our grandmothers were.
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  So if you look at it in that way if you think about the traumas
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  grandma's going through she loses Grandpa she doesn't have
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  any money. She loses another child.
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  She her traumas if you if you now add in the work of Bruce
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  Lipton, who talks about a mother's emotions can
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  biologically, imprint, the baby and alter the genetic
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  expression. If you bring those two things,
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  together, Grandma's traumas are affecting mom as a baby as we
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  know from the work of Rachel Yehuda.
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  When she talked about the pregnant mother who were at or
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  near the World Trade Center when it was attacked in those babies
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  going on to have 16 different genetic markers and being
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  smaller for their gestational age.
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  And you know, it's so interesting and convoluted but
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  really simple at the same Same time that are Grandmom's.
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  Traumas, our feelings, our emotions affect her fetus.
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  And here we are inside that fetus as an egg, it's such a
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  vivid image of three generations.
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  Right? There are interlocked
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  intertwined. Yeah.
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  So like it's so easy to see that link that what happened to
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  Generations before us is still affecting us today.
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  And I think you can even go a step further and know, I think
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  that Grandma is responding based on how she knows and how she's
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  been programmed to respond, which goes back to great,
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  grandma and, and great, great grandma also, really like this
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  this family tree of trauma. The Roots just run so deeply and
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  is that in part why First Nations often speak of doing
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  things for the next seven generations?
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  You think part of that is, is at the root of the dues concept
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  that we are all in. Interconnected.
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  And for four generations, I do I, you know, because even if you
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  know in science and when you look at the science, they can
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  show a link for three or four generations, so they can take
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  baby mice, and traumatize them in a lab, and look at their
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  biology and see that there's a molecular changes for three or
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  four generations. But if those of us who are
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  stressed those, the traumas continue to repeat, it's almost,
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  you know, Freud Notice this when he talked about repetition
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  compulsion that, the traumas keep repeating seeking a better
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  outcome. So we know that if we can look
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  back three generations. The question that comes to our
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  mind is what happened. Even before that.
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  How why you do these traumas, keep repeating.
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  What are the when did it start? Really, you know, like the title
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  of the book. It didn't start with us, you're
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  right. It could have started Seven
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  Generations ago and I've been affecting Generations.
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  Since ever since I work a lot with attachment trauma and what
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  we know is, if our mother didn't receive a lot from her mother,
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  when she turns to us, she can't give what she didn't receive,
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  and we can find this mother wound often extending back,
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  several Generations, you know, on the inherited, trauma guy.
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  But, I would tell you, I would spend 75 85 percent of the time
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  working with Attachment worms because they're also heritable.
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  In fact, when you look at trauma language, you can even discern
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  when I know I'm jumping all over the place Todd but in my book, I
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  in my book I teach the reader to listen to the words.
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  He or she says and I asked many questions in the book, one of
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  the questions is, tell me your worst fear.
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  What's the worst thing that What happened to you if things
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  suddenly fall apart? If things go terribly wrong,
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  what's your what's the worst thing that could happen to you?
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  And the answer to that question? I call the core sentence.
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  Now to break that down further. There are two types, of course,
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  sentences, one is generational and I'll give you an example of
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  that. I'll do something terrible, I'll
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  hurt a child. I'll go crazy.
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  I'll be locked up. I'll be ostracized.
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  Be hated. You can hear the generational
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  quality of those sentences, but then there's another type of
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  sentence that comes out. I'll be abandoned, I'll be
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  rejected, I'll be alone, I'll be helpless, I'll be alone,
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  powerless rejected and that those sentences have an
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  attachment quality. And so, when I work with
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  attachment, it doesn't even necessarily have to be our
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  attachment. Moment with our mother, it can
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  be our mothers attachment with her mother, our fathers
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  attachment with his mother, our grandmother's attachment with
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  her mother, and so on and so forth.
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  The family Dynamic is I think it's Universal in its
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  omnipresence and everybody's life at every man who I work
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  with, there's always including myself.
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  There's always some sort of trauma that is reconnected to
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  parents and until we heal that wound.
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  We are going to continue to perpetuate it and probably
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  project it out onto others and in that can also go back to the
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  grandparents as well but that those core wounds are so
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  important to get to the bottom of.
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  So we can see why it is that we react the way that we're
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  reacting. And why is it that we most
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  people aren't even aware that they're projecting onto others.
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  But if you can get to that step of knowing that everyone is just
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  a mirror a mirror to me and my projections if If we can get
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  there, I think it's such a helpful way to at least take
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  ownership, and if we take ownership and claimed
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  responsibility, then we're so much more empowered to actually
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  very well said. Process it very well said time.
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  Then, you know, that's why I wrote was one of the reasons I
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  wrote the book people, we don't understand why we are the way we
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  are. Many of us, you know, we walk
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  around and with an anxiety, a depression And obsessive
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  thoughts phobias. And we just think we're wired
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  this way. We don't connect it.
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  We don't, we don't understand maybe some of our attachment
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  traumas, because they began to early pre hippocampal before.
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  Our hippocampus was able to make connections with our prefrontal
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  cortex. So we don't have a cognitive
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  memory of what happened in utero or when we were one or two or
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  three. But we have a semantic memory
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  and then it goes, even beyond that there's historical memory
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  that passes to us through gene expression.
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  So in the book, what I try to do is I take the airport router to
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  use a phrase, you know somebody who is just walking through an
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  airport and picks up my book in the airport.
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  Bookstore take the airport reader and bring us to a place
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  of becoming a detective so we can become detectives of what we
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  say. What we do, how we behave, how
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  we feel, you know, and then try to connect it to connect.
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  This language is either verbal language of this behavioral
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  language to the originating trauma.
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  So just like you said, we can then become free, we can be more
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  empowered. We can have the freedom to
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  realize what happened and then how to take the healing steps.
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  Which is, you know, is the last part of my book but part.
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  Well, I'll just, I'll just say part one, you become a detective
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  and you listen to your verbal and your nonverbal trauma
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  language. The second part of the book, we
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  learned how to link it, we do the our genogram, our trauma G,
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  and we linked it in our family tree or to our early history,
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  early environment. And then, the third part of the
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  book is how we heal, how we have images and experiences the
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  change our brain. Now I'm going to assume you're
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  familiar with the work of Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt.
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  Yes, Imago therapy and their book and getting the love that
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  you want. It's different concepts.
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  And yet there's some similarity in the sense that the wounds
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  that we carry with us from tip particular.
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  Those wounds the broken bonds between parent and child.
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  Those are things that we will perpetuate on.
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  And seek out Partners who will help to continue that experience
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  until we wake up to it and actually heal the wound.
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  And so it's I think there's just this I guess I'm speaking again
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  towards this empowerment of realizing that there's so much
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  that we can do, no matter how we're wired, no matter how many
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  generations, this runs deep, there are ways that we can
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  recognize that, we actually can take control of the situation
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  and begin to heal and take the steps.
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  That's one of the great things about your book.
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  As you said in part 3 it really Maps out how to deal with that.
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  And in part two, we will house us to figure out why like why
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  these things are even present in US.
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  And I love what you said about partners because we sometimes I
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  give a piece of homework with our partner.
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  I'll have us hug our partner for 20 minutes.
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  We'll set a clock for 20 minutes and within that 20 minutes.
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  Our wound will our somatic wound.
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  Our unconscious wound are Attachment trauma or inherited
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  trauma will begin to show up in our body.
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  So for example, in the middle of the hug, we might tell our
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  partner. This is strange, I love you, I
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  love hugging you but I'm noticing my throat is tightening
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  or or My pectoral muscles are beginning to close over my heart
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  and I feel armored in my chest or I feel numb that my solar
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  plexus or I feel my womb area. I can't feel Anything and then
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  we asked our partner. Could you please put your hand
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  here and tell me these words. I've got you and I've got this
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  young part of you and I'll breathe with you until this
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  young part of you comes back online or feel safe or feels
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  more trusts me or, or is no longer tight and so couples will
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  do this little trade-off. You know, the first person hugs
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  and His can you put your hand here?
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  And tell me. You've got me.
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  And you've got him this young part of me that's beginning to
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  reveal himself in this hug and then we switch.
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  And we trade saw is that people do this twice a week, so the
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  partner can heal us and I'm glad you brought that up.
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  I love, I love the work of our vo Hendrix, and I believe our
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  partners can help us heal. What is it about the 20-minute
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  hug? That helps to bring that out and
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  that's an extraordinarily long time to come.
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  Solutely hugging. So, because with it because
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  within 36 3 minutes, right? Okay, you can figure when you
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  hug somebody, you've got about what 3 to 5 seconds until you
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  say. Okay.
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  The hugs. All right.
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  I'm yeah, I'm ready to drop back, but if you sustain this
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  hug for several minutes, you'll begin to bump into yourself.
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  You'll begin to bump into the parts of yourself that feel.
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  Hmm, why am I tightening? Why do I feel tight in my pelvic
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  floor? Why do I feel tight in my
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  throat? Why is my my abdomen
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  disappearing? Why, why do I feel numb in this
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  part of my body? Because in that hug, we're not
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  used to hugging for that. Like the time were used to
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  either breaking the hog or then going into making love.
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  Hmm, But we don't just sustained a hug.
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  We're, we're forced to find ourselves.
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  And in that place, it's such a great exercise, we can help our
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  partners and they can help us find those places.
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  In ourselves that our begin to show up because we have
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  attachment trauma, or we have inherited trauma right now
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  biologically, I think it's after 20 seconds.
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  Oxytocin starts to be released during a hug the, the log
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  hormone, love hormone. And I'm wondering if with these
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  prolonged hugs, if, if the oxytocin is being released but
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  then it's being met. Eventually with our inherited,
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  traumas are resistance, perhaps to opening up or hour, Our
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  resistance to vulnerability or our anxiety.
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  How is that playing? God?
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  It's exactly right. So you know what many of us
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  bypass our vulnerability by controlling doing acting out
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  even making love you, don't we just go beyond what's
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  uncomfortable and don't stay with it.
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  Yeah, so this is opportunity to stay with what we find.
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  Taller bar uncomfortable and I found that it will show up for
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  many of us in that sustained hug because again, that hug forces
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  us to be vulnerable. If we don't go into action, if
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  we don't go into making love, or, or doing, or trying to
• 24:44
  soothe our partner, instead, we just be with ourselves in this
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  hog. We might find the golden chalice
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  that we've been Going for, which all along was hidden right
• 25:00
  underneath, our own uncomfortability and when I'm
• 25:04
  talking about is being with. So I have this way of describing
• 25:09
  healing, you know, one of the things I'll say is that to put
• 25:15
  it in a nutshell. We need to practice being with
• 25:18
  the uncomfortable Sage Sensations, in our body, until
• 25:22
  we reach. What's beneath them, which are
• 25:25
  the sensations. We Answers, life-giving
• 25:28
  Sensations like pulsing tingling softening expanding blood
• 25:36
  flowing waves of energy, waves of warmth particles.
• 25:41
  Swirling a figure-eight, an infinity sign swirling in our
• 25:46
  body and we need to be able to be with what's beneath.
• 25:50
  The uncomfortable Sensations, which are the life-giving since
• 25:53
  Sensations, and then we need to hold those.
• 25:56
  As for a chunk of time, I tell people, you know, following the
• 26:00
  laws of Neuroscience. And so I tell people, we can
• 26:03
  hold positive experiences, positive Sensations in our body
• 26:08
  for at least a minute and then repeat that six times a day,
• 26:14
  that can be enough to change our brand.
• 26:16
  That could be enough to calm our stress response that can be
• 26:20
  enough to down regulate our limbic system.
• 26:23
  And but but it's essential we take time to That people often
• 26:27
  don't take time to do that because when they go, oh yeah, I
• 26:30
  want to be with positive Sensations in my body.
• 26:33
  They only bump into the uncomfortable, sensation single.
• 26:38
  Oh yeah, I tried that. It didn't work for me, right?
• 26:41
  And I'm also hearing, I think, though, too, is that not just
• 26:44
  holding these positive Sensations, but also holding the
• 26:49
  - holding the tension. I actually one of My Success.
• 26:53
  So I've interviewed a number of times Lori Eve de chartres.
• 26:55
  She's in. An alchemical healer and I just
• 26:59
  was speaking to her last week and she was talking about this
• 27:02
  concept of just holding the tension, don't make any
• 27:06
  decisions. Just be with it, feel it, and
• 27:09
  once you sit with it for a long enough, it does start to Ease up
• 27:15
  a little bit so that you can see what's potentially underneath
• 27:18
  it. And what's underneath it, is
• 27:20
  this opportunity to she says to turn our lead into gold but
• 27:24
  we're such an averse culture to actually sitting intention that
• 27:29
  anytime something uncomfortable comes up, are our reflex
• 27:33
  responses, get away, don't go there.
• 27:36
  I don't want to see it. I don't know.
• 27:37
  Be there. I don't want to think about it.
• 27:39
  Exactly exactly. And that's that's just it when
• 27:41
  we can hold these. This tension, all of a sudden
• 27:46
  will start to notice what I often ask people to question.
• 27:50
  If you weren't just this tension this or this tightness but you
• 27:55
  were particles of energy. Well what might these particles
• 27:59
  energy of energy be doing in your body?
• 28:01
  Would they be tens? Would they be moving?
• 28:04
  Would they be swirling? Would they be going up and down?
• 28:06
  Which gives people a new lens, a new window to see themselves as
• 28:10
  more than just where we put our Focus, which is what's
• 28:14
  Uncomfortable, what's tight? You know, when we start to do
• 28:17
  this work with people, they start to twist their necks, the
• 28:19
  back of their necks or tied. Their occiput hurts.
• 28:23
  You know, that they start to feel what's uncomfortable.
• 28:26
  And as We Know by holding what's uncomfortable, we can get to
• 28:30
  what's beneath, which is 0, it's dissolving.
• 28:34
  Okay, let's follow that, let's ride this dissolving.
• 28:38
  Let's let's write it as though. We become it.
• 28:41
  Don't just watch it being follow this.
• 28:44
  Dissolving, let's see what's happening.
• 28:46
  And when we do practice somatic practices like that, we can get
• 28:50
  into this complete melting of the defenses, the strategies and
• 28:57
  find our core. And I use this word core in a
• 29:01
  big way often. Our core is unavailable to us or
• 29:05
  the sensation of our core because we're so defended were
• 29:08
  so strategized. We're in really, we want to live
• 29:12
  from within This this this energy of our inner inner but
• 29:20
  Tech Eckhart Tolle would call it our inner body, right?
• 29:23
  And what I'm calling it as are our inner core.
• 29:27
  This this energetic experience of ourselves and your experience
• 29:34
  Mark, is there any way to heal the trauma without Being with
• 29:39
  the discomfort without sitting. No, no you I mean no.
• 29:44
  It's okay. So we either inherited or in our
• 29:50
  childhood or in our infancy or in utero.
• 29:54
  We develop strategies and defense is to avoid pain.
• 29:59
  And those strategies are don't feel this, tighten up, tighten
• 30:04
  her neck, brace, are mid-back be good.
• 30:08
  Be a good child, be quiet. Don't be too much and these
• 30:12
  strategies helped us survive. And, and at the time, they may
• 30:18
  have been useful. But here, as adults, we
• 30:20
  realized, they're blocking us from Life Force.
• 30:23
  They're blocking us from love. They're blocking us from
• 30:26
  vulnerability. So to heal.
• 30:30
  We've, we've got to have positive experiences that will
• 30:33
  change our brain, but then we need to practice the new
• 30:36
  feelings and the New Sensations of these positive experiences
• 30:42
  because when we do this, we not only create new neural Pathways
• 30:47
  in our brain. But we also stimulate the
• 30:49
  release of feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin
• 30:54
  or Gaba or dopamine dopamine. That's Big Driver or we
• 31:00
  stimulate the release of feel-good hormones.
• 31:02
  You mentioned oxytocin, estrogen.
• 31:04
  That would be another. And even the very jeans Involved
• 31:09
  in our body's stress response. This can begin to function in a
• 31:14
  new and improved way. In other words, we can change
• 31:17
  the way our DNA expresses. So yes.
• 31:20
  In order to have positive experiences, we have to tap in,
• 31:25
  do we have to bump into our strategies?
• 31:28
  Our defense has don't feel this. Don't let our muscles melt.
• 31:34
  Don't let our pelvic floor. Titan.
• 31:39
  Don't let our chests on Armor because it's dangerous.
• 31:43
  Don't trust this person and that's anathema to the very life
• 31:48
  force that allows us to have an exalted life of freedom.
• 31:53
  Freedom of love. Yeah.
• 31:55
  Loving someone being love, receiving, giving all that
• 31:57
  stuff. And when you say don't do these
• 32:00
  things, as we tell ourselves because it's dangerous.
• 32:02
  That's because, at some point in our life, Putting up those
• 32:08
  blockages or those boundaries protected us, it helped us and
• 32:13
  yet it may not be helpful. Now in this situation is that it
• 32:18
  is absolutely well put as now as we want to love as now as we
• 32:24
  want to be leaders in our community is now.
• 32:27
  So we want to teach our children or Mentor, the younger
• 32:32
  generation, we ourselves have to walk through it.
• 32:35
  First, we have Be able to pull energy away from our limbic.
• 32:41
  Brain our limbic system, pull traction away from her.
• 32:44
  Limbic system are overactive amygdala as we know and
• 32:48
  traumatized people like me. You know I had to do a lot of
• 32:52
  work to shrink my amygdala and bring engagement to the
• 32:56
  forebrain, specifically the prefrontal cortex, where we can
• 33:00
  integrate our traumatic experiences and our healing
• 33:02
  experiences and and our brains can change.
• 33:06
  We know No, from mindfulness. The studies in mindfulness that
• 33:10
  practicing mindfulness, actually shrinks our amygdala, thickens
• 33:14
  our prefrontal cortex. Hmm.
• 33:17
  Now how is it that someone can go into this discomfort, the
• 33:23
  zone of attention and not get stuck there, not get stuck.
• 33:27
  Let's say in what allopathic medicine would call depression
• 33:32
  and being this place where nothing is changing.
• 33:36
  Nothing is shifting Just kind of stuck in this Quagmire of
• 33:39
  darkness. And and in men's work it's
• 33:42
  called The Dark Night of the Soul, which typically is a
• 33:45
  journey. But how do we make sure we
• 33:47
  continue through that journey and not get stuck?
• 33:50
  I love the question. It brings up such a for me, a
• 33:54
  deep question. So I see healing work as
• 33:58
  integrating what got fragmented, what got fractured what, shut
• 34:03
  down, what got numb, what got tight?
• 34:05
  These were all as we talked about, Out a minute ago,
• 34:08
  Strategic Defense has to keep ourselves safe but now they're
• 34:12
  no longer in to they're not integrated.
• 34:15
  There are parts of us. That remain fragmented, remained
• 34:19
  Associated remain. Um so when I work with people, I
• 34:23
  often give them an experience to feel those places those
• 34:27
  uncomfortable. Places, my throat.
• 34:30
  Tightens my my chest hurts. I've got this pain in my
• 34:34
  sternum. Oh my God, here's my anxiety.
• 34:36
  It's My solar plexus. I think about my mom, I feel
• 34:41
  nauseous in my stomach. You know, these early defense
• 34:45
  has, I want to push her away with my hands.
• 34:48
  Those early defenses are fragmentations and they need to
• 34:53
  be integrated. So, what I might do with someone
• 34:56
  and say, put your hand here where you had that nausea, put
• 34:59
  your other hand here where you felt that numbness or that
• 35:02
  dissociation of that tightness and tell.
• 35:07
  Those young parts of you. I've got you and I'll breathe
• 35:12
  with you until you feel held and seen and safe.
• 35:18
  Mom couldn't see us. She was too distracted, but I
• 35:21
  see and I'll breathe with you until you feel held and scene
• 35:27
  and safe until we integrate back into our bodies, until until we
• 35:33
  can feel pulsing, until we can feel tingling.
• 35:37
  And do we confirm our blood flowing and then We exhale into
• 35:40
  those uncomfortable places top just like you know and I know
• 35:44
  and all of us who've done the Steep work.
• 35:46
  We exhale into those places and hold them in our kind attention
• 35:51
  and our compassionate attention, until they feel seen and then
• 35:56
  can melt into integration. Does that make sense it does?
• 36:02
  Yeah, it does indeed. This is probably a contentious
• 36:06
  possibly contentious area but what is your Experience with
• 36:11
  antipsychotic medications and how they can affect this healing
• 36:15
  journey of someone is again to use that term.
• 36:18
  Quote-unquote, depressed, and they're put on medication for
• 36:23
  that. Is that interfering with the
• 36:26
  potential gateway to Healing? Not if it helped them gain
• 36:32
  ground initially. So the idea is if we're to
• 36:36
  Associated or living outside of our bodies.
• 36:40
  And the Seroquel or the SSRI allowed us to have some
• 36:47
  semblance of Peace so we can even begin to have a body then
• 36:52
  I'm all for it but ultimately I'm not for drugs that take us
• 36:56
  away from our Center. I think the best drug is our own
• 37:02
  Attunement to our own hurt fragmented, Associated tight,
• 37:08
  anxious parts. So, I'm a Believer in if we have
• 37:12
  anxiety, hold that anxiety. Be with that anxiety.
• 37:17
  It's a young fragmented, part of you that thinks, the best way to
• 37:23
  heal is to be disembodied or to fragment or to tighten.
• 37:29
  So so deeply that you become hypoxic.
• 37:34
  And that area of your body and disease process begins to start
• 37:38
  because you're not in it. So Always get into your own
• 37:42
  body. Hold breathe in to Exhale into
• 37:46
  what's uncomfortable. Until that part begins to trust
• 37:50
  that you'll show up and begins to soften.
• 37:55
  So if initially an SSRI help, somebody great Right.
• 38:02
  But the long-term, no long-term, absolutely.
• 38:07
  Not long term it's and I'm not a doctor.
• 38:10
  I can't comment on ssris. Hmm, I can't comment on
• 38:15
  medications in this way. But but in my experience, in my
• 38:19
  opinion, what I've seen, the best medicine is our own
• 38:23
  attention to what's uncomfortable.
• 38:25
  Yeah, well, I think you said it. Well, when you said anything
• 38:28
  that takes us away from our Consciousness, basically, Which
• 38:32
  medication certainly can do is going to potentially, enter up
• 38:37
  the opportunity that we have to heal and anytime anytime things
• 38:42
  get uncomfortable, well, that's the opportunity that's
• 38:45
  presenting itself. If we exactly there's this
• 38:48
  doorway for your, there's the doorway for your, for your
• 38:52
  medicine, what's uncomfortable, being able to sit with that, to
• 38:57
  hold that to talk with that to comfort that?
• 39:01
  Because maybe, Maybe we were little, our parents could not,
• 39:05
  we have to learn to parent Our Own Parts but those are the
• 39:08
  doorway into the great medicine, which is our own entombment into
• 39:14
  those parts until we can be unified and integrated back in
• 39:19
  our core. Hmm.
• 39:22
  Last night I was having dinner on the beach with some families.
• 39:25
  And we were having a great conversation about The well, not
• 39:29
  a great conversation in an enjoyable sense, but an
• 39:32
  intriguing conversation about what's going on in the world
• 39:35
  today and traumatic responses and how they differ from
• 39:39
  Individual to individual. And, whereas some person,
• 39:42
  somebody might be feeling fear primarily right now, another
• 39:46
  might be feeling anger. Another might be feeling
• 39:52
  disappointment, or, or sadness, and I was noticing as we were
• 39:57
  all During what is coming up for us, that it is unique to each
• 40:02
  individual and it is probably related to not only our journey
• 40:07
  with our psyche, but our connection to our parents and as
• 40:11
  you've described the intergenerational connection.
• 40:15
  Yeah. I got glad you bring that up and
• 40:17
  when you when you say each of us has his or her own his or her
• 40:21
  own experience. Given what's happening today
• 40:26
  Aloft a lot of this is Is predicated on what happened to
• 40:29
  us early in utero or in those first few years of life.
• 40:34
  And we don't even think to go there, but we've got to ask
• 40:38
  these questions because maybe we have a break in the attachment
• 40:42
  that we've never really have. We haven't gone into opened the
• 40:49
  door of what? Broke the bond.
• 40:52
  What happened when we were in the womb?
• 40:54
  What happened when we were in utero and utero?
• 40:57
  What happened? When we Infant.
• 41:00
  Let's say in utero, a baby died before us and that baby died
• 41:05
  miscarried or stillborn and our mother thought we would die too.
• 41:11
  And she pulled her attention away from the pregnancy because
• 41:15
  fear distracted, her. Or she told herself, I don't
• 41:19
  feel the baby's kicking, something's wrong, something's
• 41:22
  wrong, and that can break the bond, or maybe early in the
• 41:27
  pregnancy arm. Mom wasn't going to keep us for
• 41:29
  the first month or two or three and that broke the bond or maybe
• 41:33
  our parents were fighting or separating or drinking or
• 41:36
  cheating or dad was an alcoholic.
• 41:39
  And mom wasn't feeling supported or she didn't love our father or
• 41:43
  she felt trapped in the marriage or they were worried about money
• 41:47
  or shelter or food or nowadays, but pandemic and in other words,
• 41:54
  all moms mum must be supported. Ordered when she's pregnant.
• 42:00
  She must be supported to be able to be calm to calm the fetus.
• 42:06
  We know within 20 days of pregnancy that which will become
• 42:11
  our nervous system, the neural tube and the neural Groove is
• 42:15
  already embodied in the fetus, the heart is 20 days.
• 42:21
  The heart is developed within 20 days, so babies are having
• 42:25
  infants. Fetuses are having some mad
• 42:27
  Attic experiences, but you know, who is it?
• 42:33
  I think it might be Bruce Lipton or or Chamberlain.
• 42:36
  Or or are some who says that. I think it's Bruce Lipton who
• 42:41
  says at Attunement must begin at conception.
• 42:46
  Mmm, tune. It must begin at conception,
• 42:50
  think about that, right? What happens?
• 42:52
  If our mom's dad died or mum's? Mum died.
• 42:55
  Her best friend died. All the strands.
• 42:57
  Tim to cortisol, which is Caustic to the fetus.
• 43:01
  So caustic the fetus. Even develops a cortisol busting
• 43:05
  enzyme just to survive mum stress.
• 43:09
  And just that having that, that part of our biology being formed
• 43:14
  within 20 days, just makes me think about how many mothers
• 43:18
  don't even recognize that they're pregnant within this
• 43:21
  time period. So so many moms will and dads to
• 43:25
  will make a shift in Consciousness when they know
• 43:27
  They are bringing a new child into the world, but if these
• 43:32
  things are already formed within 20 days, like there's a lot of,
• 43:36
  there's too much to work on within that amount of time.
• 43:39
  Yes. Especially if you're not even
• 43:41
  aware, Exactly. That's why we have to ask these
• 43:46
  questions. What happened to our mother,
• 43:48
  when she was in utero, what happened to our dad when he was
• 43:51
  in utero, and also what happened in the first three to five to
• 43:55
  eight to 10 years of life? When we're building that
• 43:58
  attachment to our mother. Now, with these attachments in
• 44:02
  the bonds, in your opinion, what do you think the mask wearing is
• 44:09
  doing? Because what I see and feel in
• 44:12
  my own body. E is that I have a very
• 44:16
  difficult time. Attaching to somebody getting to
• 44:19
  know someone having a conversation with someone.
• 44:21
  If there is that barrier because it takes away the humanity to an
• 44:26
  excessive show engagement, social engagement system of the
• 44:29
  expressions of the face. Absolutely.
• 44:32
  Luckily mothers. And wearing masks at home with
• 44:34
  their babies. Hopefully not because if they
• 44:36
  because if they were that would be big-time trouble.
• 44:39
  But yes, exactly right mask wearing Boy.
• 44:44
  Oh boy. It certainly doesn't allow us to
• 44:47
  have full engagement as yes. Aztec and say hmm.
• 44:51
  And as far as the traumas that were experiencing right now
• 44:54
  because I don't there's probably very few humans alive right now
• 44:58
  who aren't going through some sort of drama.
• 45:02
  How can we deal with this too? Is this again going back and
• 45:08
  dealing with our own intergenerational trauma.
• 45:10
  And the way that we are kind of I heard so that we can heal
• 45:14
  that. Yes.
• 45:15
  Therefore we will better be able to sit with anything that comes
• 45:20
  our way. Yes, the pandemic is clearly
• 45:24
  stirring the pot so to speak it's heating the container that
• 45:28
  we all share but given our own individual early traumas in our
• 45:32
  childhood or generational traumas, it's creating for us
• 45:37
  for some person for someone who has abandonment and isolation
• 45:41
  issues from um, their history, their feeling very isolated.
• 45:46
  Someone who doesn't is using that time to write a book or
• 45:49
  play music, right? The traumas, the panda, traumas
• 45:54
  of the pandemic or clearly stirring, the pot of what's
• 45:58
  unresolved in our family history and or early childhood history.
• 46:03
  Absolutely. Which is a beautiful opportunity
• 46:06
  for all of us. Yes, we can recognize it.
• 46:12
  Yeah, yes. If there's a positive side to
• 46:14
  the pandemic, if there is then what it might be doing this
• 46:18
  again, stirring that pot and pointing us to look back at our
• 46:21
  family history or to look back at our early childhood, and to
• 46:25
  say, why am I feeling this isolated, why am I feeling this
• 46:30
  fearful? What is the fear?
• 46:31
  What am I afraid of will happen and, you know, that can open the
• 46:36
  door. That's that.
• 46:37
  What again, That question I asked in the book.
• 46:40
  What's your worst fear? What's the worst thing that
• 46:42
  could happen to you? One of the questions I asked if
• 46:45
  things suddenly fell, apart, if things went terribly wrong, if
• 46:47
  things went South and the answer to that question, gives you a
• 46:51
  ton of information. Hmm, and I love that perspective
• 46:56
  of this can be an opportunity, it is an opportunity and if
• 47:01
  millions and potentially hundreds of millions or billions
• 47:04
  or willing to take up that opportunity, the healing that we
• 47:07
  could have on a A global scale is it's just unfathomable and
• 47:13
  the beauty that could come from. That is incredible.
• 47:17
  I certainly hope. That's the direction, things go.
• 47:20
  Yeah, yeah, still to be determined.
• 47:26
  I'm sure yes. Still to be determined a lots
• 47:29
  happening right now. As we know in the world, you
• 47:31
  know, people have become Frack fractured.
• 47:34
  Yeah. And that's that's what concerns
• 47:35
  me because when we go back to my book, we see that it's
• 47:41
  unfortunate right now. Not all information is allowed
• 47:44
  to be part of the conversation. We have some Is that are deemed
• 47:48
  misinformation and, and whenever you have censorship and and
• 47:53
  suppression and suppression of information coercion, you don't
• 47:58
  get a wholesome dialogue. You don't have two sides and
• 48:03
  that's what concerns me and my book, you know, I I say that no
• 48:06
  person, no idea can be pushed away or excluded for any reason
• 48:11
  whatsoever because it'll only submerge underground and then
• 48:16
  get rerouted. Every surface later on with more
• 48:19
  urgency. Yes.
• 48:21
  And so that's what concerns me. That's what concerns me.
• 48:27
  Yeah. When you do that, you get into
• 48:30
  hot water and then you see dark facets of history repeating
• 48:34
  itself? Yeah, need I say more he it just
• 48:40
  the divisiveness that is it kind of Among Us now and probably in
• 48:46
  a capacity that is Never been before.
• 48:49
  And it's either you're on board or you're not with whatever the
• 48:53
  idea is. And it's we're in a world on the
• 48:58
  brink perhaps of a dark time in history and you know, if I given
• 49:05
  my field of study inherited, trauma, generational trauma.
• 49:09
  If I have one thing to say, you know, it's don't exclude.
• 49:15
  Anybody don't exclude Any idea don't push away any element of
• 49:20
  the conversation. Don't submerge, don't silence,
• 49:25
  don't don't fracture. Keep this can be a valuable time
• 49:31
  for conversation. So new ideas can be brought to
• 49:35
  the Forefront. Well, and I think, if we
• 49:37
  consider the alchemical perspective of we've got to go
• 49:41
  to the darkness to find the light.
• 49:43
  The spiritualists are saying that this is a very challenging
• 49:47
  time. From that is going to emerge, a
• 49:48
  whole new level of Consciousness.
• 49:50
  And just this concept, we've been talking about of this is
• 49:54
  our Dark Night of the Soul. This is our time to sit with
• 49:57
  that tension to hold it and something new and magnificent
• 50:00
  will emerge if we're able to do that collectively very well said
• 50:04
  Todd. I have nothing to add to that
• 50:06
  sentence. I would completely agree to
• 50:09
  agree with it. I want to go back to what you
• 50:11
  were saying about this core wound.
• 50:13
  This question about, what's the worst thing that can happen?
• 50:15
  Because what I love, how, In the book you talk about, what's
• 50:19
  underneath that. And when someone gives an answer
• 50:22
  it's like okay well Let's sit with that, let's sit with that
• 50:27
  scenario. Why is that?
• 50:28
  So fearful for you and typically what we find is underneath that
• 50:32
  there's some layers, not typically always there's some
• 50:36
  layers of drama that just haven't been healed.
• 50:40
  And if we can heal those, we can start to realize it.
• 50:42
  Oh yeah, that's actually not such a terrible thing.
• 50:46
  Yeah it's not great. I don't want to do it but within
• 50:48
  that is an opportunity. Yeah, that question.
• 50:53
  What's your worst fear leads us into what I call Core language
• 50:57
  of trauma language. And I've discovered that when a
• 51:00
  trauma happens, clues or left behind in the form of
• 51:04
  emotionally, charged words and sentences that leave a
• 51:07
  breadcrumb trail just like you said.
• 51:09
  And when we learn to follow that breadcrumb trail, it's like
• 51:13
  finding the missing piece of the puzzle, which allows the whole
• 51:17
  picture to come into view and then can finally give us a
• 51:20
  context. Why we feel the way we feel?
• 51:23
  And if I liber8, you know, it's essential that we listen for our
• 51:28
  own trauma language. Because as we know, from trauma
• 51:31
  Theory, when a traumatic event happens, significant information
• 51:37
  bypasses, the frontal lobes. So the experience of exactly
• 51:41
  what happened to us. It can't be named or ordered
• 51:45
  through words because our language centers become
• 51:48
  compromised and without language, Our experiences
• 51:52
  becomes stored. As fragments those
• 51:55
  fragmentations, I was talking about fragments of memory
• 51:58
  fragments of body, sensation, fragments of emotion, fragments
• 52:03
  of images, fragments of language.
• 52:05
  It's like the Mind disperses and Essential Elements get
• 52:09
  separated. We lose the story, Todd and we
• 52:14
  never complete the healing yet. You know what I found is?
• 52:17
  These pieces are never lost. They simply get rerouted.
• 52:21
  And then resurface into what I call verbal trauma language or
• 52:26
  nonverbal trauma language when it's verbal.
• 52:30
  You know, like I said earlier, it's a sentence.
• 52:32
  Like, I'll do something terrible, I'll be hated, I'm a
• 52:36
  bad person, I'll go be punished. I'll be abandoned, I'll be
• 52:43
  ostracized, I'll be rejected. I'll go crazy.
• 52:47
  I'll be locked up. That's verbal trauma language.
• 52:49
  But when it's nonverbal, I teach my students to look for the
• 52:55
  physical or emotional symptoms that show up after, you know,
• 53:00
  some type of unsettling event in our lives.
• 53:03
  So we might look for the fears or the anxieties that strike
• 53:09
  suddenly when we reach a particular age, maybe age 30 and
• 53:14
  we don't even realize why it's getting us at that age but age
• 53:17
  30 is when Grandma loses Grandpa.
• 53:21
  He should becomes a widow or that's the same age.
• 53:24
  Our mom left our dad, or a dad left.
• 53:26
  Our mom something traumatic happens, but it's not just ages.
• 53:30
  You know, we might look for a depression or a destructive
• 53:33
  behavior that arises right after a situation that similar to
• 53:40
  another situation that happened in our family history.
• 53:45
  It's not just even I know I said a mouthful there but it's to
• 53:51
  make it more simplistic, you know.
• 53:54
  We don't even have to look that far nonverbal trauma language.
• 53:57
  It's also mirrored in our relationship struggles who we
• 54:00
  choose the type of partner. We choose how we let ourselves
• 54:05
  be treated how we treat others. It's also right there, mirrored
• 54:08
  and how we deal with money and success.
• 54:10
  All this forms, a breadcrumb trail that we need to follow.
• 54:16
  I'm so glad you brought up the age thing because that's
• 54:18
  something that I had written down here because you give
• 54:21
  numerous examples in the book, about an age, being reached
• 54:28
  something happening with an individual.
• 54:31
  And then through this detective work, they you're able to help
• 54:34
  them recognize that, okay? This something similar happened
• 54:37
  to Mom at the same age or to Grandma the same age.
• 54:40
  Why is that? Because an examples that you
• 54:42
  give it's like spot-on at 22 years of age.
• 54:45
  This has happened through three or three generations or
• 54:48
  something similar. How is it?
• 54:50
  How is it that? That is kind of connected with
• 54:55
  our development in such a precise way that's somewhat of a
• 55:00
  mystery actually, but we do know that memories get imprinted in
• 55:04
  sperm cells and egg cells and somehow this information passes
• 55:08
  forward, you know people. But why Aegis isn't it
• 55:11
  interesting that that happens? I've been watching this for
• 55:15
  thirty years, you know, we could be born with an anxiety or
• 55:21
  depression and we never separated from the events of the
• 55:24
  previous generation, but just like you're saying, we can
• 55:28
  experience a symptom, or a fear or anxiety at a certain age in
• 55:33
  it. It's the same age that something
• 55:39
  happened to our mom or our dad as though that trauma somehow
• 55:44
  became Oh gosh, I wouldn't even I wouldn't even know how to
• 55:48
  explain it other than imprinted imprinted imprinted as the best
• 55:53
  thing I can say, it's not just ages, certain Milestone, certain
• 55:58
  events become imprinted for example.
• 56:00
  As soon as we get married, that can become a trigger in the
• 56:03
  book. I talk about a woman, she loves
• 56:05
  her fiance, she thinks he's the greatest guy in the world, but
• 56:08
  as soon as she gets married to him, she feels trapped and she
• 56:12
  doesn't understand it. She says, I love this guy.
• 56:15
  Great. But I'm married and I feel
• 56:17
  trapped in my marriage and then when we looked in her family
• 56:20
  history, we saw she was from, I think, Iraq, or Lebanon.
• 56:24
  We saw the both grandmother's had been given away as child
• 56:29
  Brides at nine and twelve too much older, men, 30, 40 years
• 56:35
  older and the, it was so interesting because I looked at
• 56:39
  the traumas of both of her sisters to Todd, the one sister,
• 56:42
  married a much older, man. 30 years, older.
• 56:45
  And the other sister wouldn't even get involved in
• 56:48
  relationships at all. Lest she be trapped so it
• 56:50
  expressed differently in each sibling.
• 56:52
  So ages are one. Marriage is a trigger.
• 56:56
  That's another. Another trigger is moving to a
• 56:59
  new place. So, all of a sudden we pack our
• 57:02
  bags and we move just across town, but now we're depressed
• 57:06
  and we don't understand it. And what its harkening back to
• 57:10
  is our ancestors who were persecuted and forced out of
• 57:15
  their Homeland, maybe they were executed or persecuted or suffer
• 57:21
  deeply and our moving somehow Taps into that pull of imprinted
• 57:27
  energy from the sperm cell the egg cell.
• 57:31
  I'll give you another one. We get rejected by a partner and
• 57:35
  that's the trigger and all of a sudden we may have only dated
• 57:39
  this person two months and all of a sudden oh I don't want to
• 57:42
  look I can't live without this person because Cuz it's taking
• 57:46
  us back to an earlier, grief taught a grief, that's
• 57:49
  insurmountable perhaps even to a break in the bond with our
• 57:54
  mother. When we lost her, I'll give you
• 57:58
  another one. I mean, I could go on and on all
• 58:00
  day doing this, but having a child, that's another trigger.
• 58:03
  I one time worked with this woman who is consumed with
• 58:08
  anxiety and she didn't know where it was coming from.
• 58:11
  And I said, how long have you had at just seven months what
• 58:15
  Happened seven. Eight months ago.
• 58:17
  Well, that's when I got pregnant.
• 58:18
  I said you mean you're pregnant now.
• 58:20
  She said, yes, I am and also in this ancestral alarm clock
• 58:24
  starts ringing as soon as she becomes pregnant.
• 58:26
  I asked her that question. What's the worst thing that
• 58:29
  could happen if you have a child and immediately thought she says
• 58:35
  I could harm my child, I could harm my baby and he said have
• 58:38
  you ever harmed a baby? She said no of course not and I
• 58:42
  said to anyone in your family ever Harm a baby.
• 58:46
  And in that moment and that second she's about to say no,
• 58:50
  she does. Oh my God, she says my
• 58:54
  grandmother when she was a young woman, she lit a candle in the
• 58:57
  house and caught the curtains on fire and then the house caught
• 59:00
  on fire and she couldn't get the baby out and the baby died.
• 59:04
  The baby was upstairs and but we were never allowed to talk about
• 59:08
  and here's the scent years, the censorship, but we were never
• 59:11
  allowed to talk about it. You never talk to my grandmother
• 59:13
  about that. You walked.
• 59:15
  Egg shells were, excuse me around my grandmother.
• 59:20
  And in that moment, she makes the link that she had inherited
• 59:25
  the terror. The actual Terror from her
• 59:28
  grandmother through the egg cell, sperm cell, whatever side
• 59:33
  it would be on and in that moment we were able to break the
• 59:36
  pattern. I'm so glad you shared that
• 59:38
  particular example, because just in the recognition of this, not
• 59:46
  being my trauma or the person's trauma, they can actually Let It
• 59:50
  Go. And that's what you talk about.
• 59:53
  A little incorrect cases. Yes, there's the opportunity
• 59:57
  there. Yes, yes, yes.
• 59:58
  Yes. In some cases, that's very true.
• 1:00:01
  The recognition alone is a you mean this isn't me.
• 1:00:05
  You mean, you mean, this isn't my drummer?
• 1:00:07
  And sometimes it's it with people got and I say no never
• 1:00:10
  was you mean? It's not me who will lose it,
• 1:00:13
  you know, your grandmother lost those two babies and sometimes
• 1:00:17
  that's enough, but but other times of course, we Have to work
• 1:00:20
  some matically because the trauma has embedded deeper in
• 1:00:23
  the body and it takes a physical eyes somatic experience, a
• 1:00:28
  visceral experience to release trauma.
• 1:00:32
  Hmm. I wanted to talk also about
• 1:00:36
  another aspect of your work, one of my friends and a pass gas.
• 1:00:40
  Michael she's ER, does family constellation work and I
• 1:00:43
  participated in that with him, both you and he have studied
• 1:00:46
  under Bert, hellinger and the family constellation Side of
• 1:00:50
  things. Can you talk a bit about what
• 1:00:52
  family constellations are and how that can be a useful tool
• 1:00:56
  and healing trauma? Yeah.
• 1:00:59
  So a family constellation is sort of an I would call it a
• 1:01:04
  first. Let me say it's like a group
• 1:01:05
  experience with a several people in the room.
• 1:01:09
  For me, I do family constellations and groups of 100
• 1:01:12
  and 120 150 people in which so there's all these people in a
• 1:01:18
  big circle in the room or two circles or in the audience and
• 1:01:23
  you're inviting people to stand as family members images.
• 1:01:28
  So It's an inner image that's expressed in an outer
• 1:01:33
  experience. So I might say Todd, pick
• 1:01:36
  somebody from room to stand as your dad and pick someone else
• 1:01:40
  to stand as his father who left him when he was three.
• 1:01:45
  And so, you put those two men in the room and I might even say,
• 1:01:49
  hey, Todd, pick somebody to stand as you in the room and
• 1:01:54
  then in doing this at this point.
• 1:01:59
  It allows us to shift an old image.
• 1:02:01
  We carry of dad's dad is bad guy because we might see behind
• 1:02:07
  Grandpa, he was given away at Birth.
• 1:02:11
  He we might, I might then ask what happened to your grandpa
• 1:02:15
  and you go. Oh, he was an orphan, I go.
• 1:02:16
  Oh no, wonder he left his family because his family left him and
• 1:02:20
  all of a sudden your mouth drops open and you go, huh?
• 1:02:23
  I never thought about that. I was only thinking my grandpa
• 1:02:26
  was a bad guy and never thinking The complete story.
• 1:02:29
  So what a family constellation does is it allows us to complete
• 1:02:33
  the whole story. So we use healing images,
• 1:02:37
  healing movements, healing sentences and body centered,
• 1:02:41
  releases to help people break patterns of suffering, and then
• 1:02:46
  to help them really shift the stress response.
• 1:02:49
  You change the brain. It's an extremely powerful tool
• 1:02:53
  and in a constellation, literally, we step into this new
• 1:02:57
  image of feeling. Whole feeling complete and
• 1:03:01
  afterward. We find ourselves standing in a
• 1:03:04
  I guess I would say a much stronger.
• 1:03:05
  Place a clearer. A much clearer Place.
• 1:03:08
  Mmm. Yeah, I found it a very powerful
• 1:03:11
  tool. You spoke a number times about
• 1:03:14
  the censorship within families about traumas.
• 1:03:17
  We never talked about that. What is the danger?
• 1:03:21
  And never talking about these things repetition?
• 1:03:26
  Repetition. That's that's the whole problem.
• 1:03:29
  Whenever we exclude something whenever we look, look, look,
• 1:03:34
  people always ask me Mark? Why do these traumas?
• 1:03:36
  Repeat, what's going on? Well, why don't they why don't,
• 1:03:41
  you know, why is it falling into the next generation?
• 1:03:45
  Epigenetics is just one. Another question is not.
• 1:03:50
  Everybody is manifesting inherited, trauma.
• 1:03:52
  Why am I, why is this? Why is my brother not?
• 1:03:56
  But I You know epigenetics is want just one piece of the
• 1:03:59
  puzzle, you know. Just like we talked about
• 1:04:01
  earlier embryologist have known for over a hundred years that
• 1:04:06
  our grandmother when she's pregnant with our mother is
• 1:04:10
  holding our mother's eggs. And one of those eggs in this,
• 1:04:14
  we know that and Bruce Lipton is telling us that our mothers
• 1:04:17
  emotions are chemically communicated to the fetus
• 1:04:21
  through the placenta. So our mother's feelings are
• 1:04:23
  important. We know that because that can
• 1:04:26
  buy oh, Oh, chemically alter genetic expression but there's a
• 1:04:29
  deeper. I don't want to say deeper.
• 1:04:31
  There's a there's a another facet that seems to Anchor
• 1:04:37
  traumas and that's rejection and would traumas aren't talked
• 1:04:44
  about when the healing is incomplete with the pain or the
• 1:04:49
  grief, or the embarrassment of the shame is too great.
• 1:04:52
  That we don't want to touch it, we don't want to, we don't want
• 1:04:54
  to feel it, we don't want to touch those memories.
• 1:04:56
  Or the people in our family history or excluded or rejected.
• 1:05:00
  We don't like our mother because she wasn't kind, we don't like
• 1:05:04
  our father because he hit us, we don't like our grandfather
• 1:05:07
  because he was an alcoholic and we exclude people and when we
• 1:05:11
  exclude these people. So when I see basically, when
• 1:05:14
  there's not been any resolution, When these rejections these
• 1:05:19
  exclusions continue to proliferate.
• 1:05:22
  What I see is then these Trot then aspects of these traumas
• 1:05:26
  can appear can show up in later, generations, and unconsciously
• 1:05:31
  will repeat or share a similar unhappiness, a similar
• 1:05:36
  Misfortune until the trauma. Finally has a chance to heal, I
• 1:05:41
  brought up Freud earlier. I'll go back to Freud.
• 1:05:43
  Now, Freud noticed, he observed this.
• 1:05:47
  A hundred years ago when he talked about repetition
• 1:05:49
  compulsion that the contraction is actually, the contraction of
• 1:05:54
  the trauma is actually seeking its expansion.
• 1:05:58
  And so when we label certain people and certain acts and we
• 1:06:03
  say we don't talk about Grand dad or Granddad was a bad guy
• 1:06:07
  and we then tell that to our children and then they go on to
• 1:06:11
  tell that. So there are children, it's just
• 1:06:13
  something where it's just a given without there ever being I
• 1:06:17
  being any investigation into it and I'm assuming that as a child
• 1:06:21
  who's been told Granddad is is a bad guy.
• 1:06:25
  There's a greater chance that when that child becomes a
• 1:06:27
  Granddad. He is not going to have the
• 1:06:30
  experience or the language, even to understand how to be a good
• 1:06:35
  ground. Dad.
• 1:06:36
  Absolutely. And and even if granddad's an
• 1:06:39
  alcoholic already left grandma with five kids and he died on
• 1:06:43
  the streets, what they call, you know, the They called him a
• 1:06:47
  loser. Someone else can become that
• 1:06:51
  loser. Somebody else can become bad
• 1:06:53
  alcoholic. Somebody else can repeat
• 1:06:56
  Grandpa's life experience to bring him back into the fold so
• 1:07:01
  to speak. Why does that happen?
• 1:07:04
  I would say there's another Dynamic that we don't quite
• 1:07:08
  understand and I would call it something like unconscious,
• 1:07:12
  loyalty unconscious loyalty where the later generation.
• 1:07:17
  Winds are bringing back to Consciousness, some earlier
• 1:07:21
  experiment, experience of a victim, or a perpetrator, or a
• 1:07:25
  loser, or an alcoholic, and all of a sudden repeating facets of
• 1:07:30
  that person's experience again. If you ask me, why I think
• 1:07:34
  that's true, I would say no one. Nothing is allowed to be
• 1:07:38
  excluded or left out. And when you leave someone, when
• 1:07:41
  you leave someone out of the family system, even
• 1:07:44
  energetically that void. Filmed energetically by someone
• 1:07:49
  who behaves the same way. Right?
• 1:07:51
  It's startling but we see it you can't deny it.
• 1:07:55
  We see it and that's why I'm the family constellation work.
• 1:07:58
  It's important that people even play the roles of the
• 1:08:01
  perpetrators who maybe are not within the family tree, but
• 1:08:05
  someone who harmed Granddad or someone who stole from Mom or
• 1:08:11
  whomever that whatever the situation maybe if we exclude
• 1:08:14
  them Traders have to be included.
• 1:08:17
  It, because we can identify. So, my book, I talked about the
• 1:08:20
  four themes. And one of those themes is
• 1:08:22
  identification. Meaning we can identify live,
• 1:08:26
  like feel like be like, behave, like someone who's been excluded
• 1:08:32
  in the family are alcoholic grandfather.
• 1:08:35
  Someone who murdered our Aunt, someone who the Nazis who
• 1:08:39
  perpetrated on our Jewish ancestors, the grand Dad ran
• 1:08:47
  Drove the bicycle or drove the car back, the car down the
• 1:08:51
  driveway and accidentally ran over the kid, the five-year-old
• 1:08:56
  boy, on the bicycle. Everybody has to be brought back
• 1:08:59
  into the family history, so they can be acknowledged and seen as
• 1:09:04
  members of our family because people who harmed her family
• 1:09:08
  become part of the family system family, or people we've harmed
• 1:09:13
  become part of our family system.
• 1:09:15
  I talked about that in the book at Great length.
• 1:09:17
  Yeah. And as also important to honor
• 1:09:21
  and recognize lost family members including those who were
• 1:09:24
  who were never born stillborn or miscarried to bring them into
• 1:09:29
  it, because as you said, some people may then end up carrying
• 1:09:33
  that. Feeling of I'm not wanted, or
• 1:09:36
  I'm, I don't belong because perhaps, they exhibiting, who
• 1:09:39
  died a decade earlier ago, you very well, put Todd.
• 1:09:43
  So, just to to say more about that if we had a Other sister,
• 1:09:47
  the died stillborn or died as a, you know, lived only a couple
• 1:09:53
  days and Mom can't talk about it.
• 1:09:55
  In fact, they give the child often the next name.
• 1:09:59
  They say a little, Tommy came back.
• 1:10:01
  So I named you Tommy. Just like this, your brother.
• 1:10:04
  In other words, this older brother Tommy's excluded and the
• 1:10:08
  parent thinks that the next child is the same child as come
• 1:10:11
  back without honoring that first child the the second child who
• 1:10:16
  comes after. And feel as though he doesn't
• 1:10:18
  fit in as though he's not seen as though.
• 1:10:21
  He doesn't belong just like the first child.
• 1:10:24
  We see this all the time. Yeah, one of my closest friends,
• 1:10:27
  he and his wife lost a child after only minutes, and they now
• 1:10:32
  have three children who are alive.
• 1:10:34
  But when asked they always say, they have four children,
• 1:10:38
  absolute three who are here in one who's no longer and I think
• 1:10:41
  very good practice. Yeah, yeah, every time I hear
• 1:10:45
  him saying I'm like. Wow, that's That's incredible.
• 1:10:47
  Just To help you with these help heal, these wounds and not have
• 1:10:52
  it become something that is not spoke of and manifest in other
• 1:10:57
  ways. Absolutely.
• 1:10:59
  Right. Yeah, Mark, your journey into
• 1:11:02
  this, as you hinted at earlier has been one not free of trauma
• 1:11:08
  and write about it in your book. And I think it's a very, it's a
• 1:11:14
  great example of what someone needs to go through to heal.
• 1:11:17
  Can you talk a bit about You experienced on your healing
• 1:11:21
  Journey. Sure.
• 1:11:25
  So probably over 30 years ago, I had symptoms, I couldn't
• 1:11:29
  explain, I began to lose the vision in one of my eyes, and I
• 1:11:35
  was diagnosed with a chronic form of retinopathy.
• 1:11:38
  The doctors couldn't cure it, and I had it in both eyes and
• 1:11:43
  they told me that the way it was progressing, I would likely lose
• 1:11:46
  the vision in my other eye as well.
• 1:11:49
  And I was frantic, I'm in my thirties at this point and my
• 1:11:54
  early 30s. I'm 31 and I'm you know, I
• 1:11:58
  terrified and because I think I'm going to be blind and you
• 1:12:04
  know and I was desperate to find help and the doctors couldn't
• 1:12:10
  give it to me. I kept asking, what do I do and
• 1:12:12
  they'd say, we don't know very much about this condition.
• 1:12:15
  We just think it's stress. And so everything I tried to Do
• 1:12:19
  to alleviate stress, wasn't working.
• 1:12:24
  I everything seemed to make it worse.
• 1:12:27
  So I calm down and I want on a sort of a healing journey.
• 1:12:34
  I went on a search for healing the Lead Me, Halfway Around the
• 1:12:37
  Globe, following wise, men and women and trying to learn what
• 1:12:44
  wisdom they held. And literally I went as far as
• 1:12:48
  places. Like Indonesia where I learned
• 1:12:51
  from several wise teachers, who taught me.
• 1:12:54
  Some fundamental principles one of which was the importance of
• 1:12:59
  healing. Our relationship with our
• 1:13:01
  parents. Mine was terribly broken and
• 1:13:04
  before I could heal with my parents, I had to heal what?
• 1:13:10
  Stood? In the way, which was inherited
• 1:13:12
  family, trauma, but I didn't know it at this time.
• 1:13:16
  Specifically, the anxiety that I Inherited from my grandparents
• 1:13:21
  who were all orphaned. All my grandparents are orphaned
• 1:13:24
  in some way. Three of them lose their mothers
• 1:13:27
  when they're babies, and the fourth, one loses her father
• 1:13:30
  when she's a baby. So ultimately she loses her
• 1:13:33
  mother to in the grief and this anxiety was the real cause of my
• 1:13:39
  vision loss. And as did my parents, I had
• 1:13:44
  inherited this feeling of being the feeling of being, Broken
• 1:13:50
  from a mother's love. Oh man I remember this was what
• 1:13:54
  was passed down in my family. I remember being a small boy 5
• 1:13:59
  or 6 years old running into my mother's bedroom whenever she'd
• 1:14:02
  leave the house and I pull open her drawers, her drawers of
• 1:14:07
  clothing and I'd cry into her scarves and her nightgowns
• 1:14:11
  thinking that I'd never see her again.
• 1:14:13
  And that her smell would be the only thing that I had left,
• 1:14:16
  which would have been true from my grandparents.
• 1:14:19
  Who only did have maybe a garment with their, with their
• 1:14:22
  mothers snow and then, 40 years later, I shared this with my
• 1:14:27
  mom. I said, you know, Mom whenever
• 1:14:28
  you'd leave the house, I would cry into your clothes and she
• 1:14:31
  said, I did that too. When my mom would leave the
• 1:14:33
  house and then my sister reading the book reading my book said,
• 1:14:37
  honey, I did that too, when Mom would leave the house, and I
• 1:14:40
  realized the family pattern was thinking, we'd never see our
• 1:14:44
  mothers again, which, which had been true for our grandparents.
• 1:14:47
  So, after healing, The broken bond with my mom, taught, I
• 1:14:52
  swear to God my sight came back, my sight came back, my vision
• 1:14:56
  came back, and then I said, oh, there's something in this
• 1:15:00
  healing that really works. So I'm going to teach these
• 1:15:03
  principles, I'm going to teach the principle of healing with
• 1:15:08
  our parents and along the way I developed a method for healing.
• 1:15:12
  The effects of inherited, family drama.
• 1:15:16
  Hmm. There are two things that come
• 1:15:17
  up for me on that one. Is the vision loss, were you
• 1:15:21
  going through something at that point in life, where you felt?
• 1:15:27
  Kind of hopeless where you didn't have a vision for the
• 1:15:29
  future and vision loss was a manifestation of that.
• 1:15:34
  Yeah. You know, I guess you could say
• 1:15:36
  that, you know, I guess you could say, but I didn't discover
• 1:15:41
  that really till I lost my vision.
• 1:15:43
  Yeah, so sometimes we don't find ourselves until we suffer until
• 1:15:47
  we had a Dark Night of the soul and yes, I would find later that
• 1:15:53
  there were events in my life where I was living.
• 1:15:55
  Side of myself outside of my Integrity or myself myself.
• 1:16:01
  Miss my, my knowing of myself and I would discover that later
• 1:16:06
  but he didn't know it at the time.
• 1:16:07
  It actually took for many of us, a great suffering to go into
• 1:16:14
  those places that are uncomfortable that we talked
• 1:16:16
  about earlier in the podcast, right?
• 1:16:20
  And if I recall correctly, your healing Journey with your
• 1:16:23
  mother, kind of started with a hug, didn't ya?
• 1:16:29
  You bring up a good point my mom.
• 1:16:31
  I remember, I'm going back to Pennsylvania to Pittsburgh to be
• 1:16:35
  exact to heal with my parents and I'm really broken for my
• 1:16:40
  parents. And you know, I had this image
• 1:16:42
  that God I couldn't stand when my mother hugged.
• 1:16:44
  Me that if she hugged me, I felt like my body would implode.
• 1:16:47
  It felt so terrible because I had an early trauma with her in
• 1:16:51
  the womb and as an infant. So, my body had rejected, Said
• 1:16:56
  her love. So here I am going back and I'm
• 1:17:00
  knowing she's going to hug me and I'm thinking how God what am
• 1:17:03
  I going to do? And I had this Insight that said
• 1:17:06
  be with it. Letter hug you, and stay with
• 1:17:09
  what's uncomfortable in your body.
• 1:17:11
  And I did that as she's hugging me.
• 1:17:13
  I said, Mom, keep hugging me, I'm don't stop because I was
• 1:17:17
  really getting a handle on how my body was shutting down and
• 1:17:21
  how I was going numb and how I was getting tight and I was
• 1:17:24
  feeling anxious. And all this was coming to light
• 1:17:27
  as she was hugging me. And that's where I developed
• 1:17:30
  this exercise of hugging your partner because our mother is
• 1:17:34
  the partner and our partner is Mother.
• 1:17:38
  Mmm, her mother is the partner and her partner is the mother.
• 1:17:44
  Hmm, our mothers. Our first relationship.
• 1:17:47
  Yeah, I mother's. The only one with whom or in
• 1:17:50
  Connection in utero. She were wearing relationship
• 1:17:54
  with her. Smells her sense, our rhythms,
• 1:17:56
  or pulses? Her sounds.
• 1:17:59
  This is our first relationship. And when those breaks at this,
• 1:18:03
  this is before, this is when our dad is still felt as tertiary,
• 1:18:08
  he's felt on the outside, how he is with our mothers felt again
• 1:18:13
  through. Our mother in utero.
• 1:18:18
  In any break in that bond, No matter how even subtle it may
• 1:18:22
  seem such as a child spending a night in the hospital for a
• 1:18:26
  procedure. Yeah, I can have ramifications
• 1:18:31
  much later in life are your parents of generation zactly?
• 1:18:34
  Yeah. If our parents take an early
• 1:18:35
  vacation and they leave us home for a week or two and we're two
• 1:18:39
  or three or four or five or a mum gets.
• 1:18:43
  It goes to hospital where or our parents card us off to Ask for
• 1:18:48
  the summer or even leave us a Grandma's for a week or two when
• 1:18:51
  we're too little or when our parents split up and we go back
• 1:18:53
  and forth to mother and father but we're too young, we can't be
• 1:18:57
  away from her mother. We're too young.
• 1:18:59
  So yes, all these things leave imprints.
• 1:19:02
  Leave wounds. Oh, mark, this is incredible
• 1:19:05
  work. And I've, as I said in the
• 1:19:07
  beginning, the it didn't start with you.
• 1:19:09
  The book is such a treasure and I hope everyone reads it because
• 1:19:15
  there is healing to be had no, Matter who you are there I can
• 1:19:21
  almost guarantee. There are dramas that have not
• 1:19:23
  been healed and the book is just a great portal into recognizing
• 1:19:28
  that and taking steps. It's so practical and so laid
• 1:19:31
  out so well that someone can not only start to make these
• 1:19:35
  connections, but they can then take it to the next level which
• 1:19:38
  is start to heal these breaks. And I commend you for and I
• 1:19:42
  thank you so much for bringing that book to life for everyone
• 1:19:45
  and just the work that you do in general.
• 1:19:47
  Thank you Todd. Thank you so much.
• 1:19:50
  What are you currently working on?
• 1:19:54
  I'm working with on a book of complex illness, complex
• 1:19:58
  symptoms, complex conditions and how they also relate to early
• 1:20:04
  trauma, either hours or our parents, or grandparents.
• 1:20:11
  What do you mean by complex? Well, I'm mold, you know, the
• 1:20:17
  symptoms that are very difficult to treat Mast Cell Activation.
• 1:20:25
  You know, the pots and then we can go on and on, because the
• 1:20:29
  list chronic fatigue, I mean, we can go on and on, but many of us
• 1:20:33
  now, our systems are breaking down and we find ourselves
• 1:20:36
  struggling with what we first think our environmental toxins
• 1:20:42
  and our And perhaps is even a deeper component where our early
• 1:20:47
  environment was also compromised.
• 1:20:50
  Mmm. So it sounds like a lot of this
• 1:20:52
  is the manifestations of physical symptoms that are
• 1:20:56
  connected to the emotional traumas.
• 1:20:59
  Absolutely. And you know, I've been living
• 1:21:02
  in this realm of but in this book's been sitting with me for
• 1:21:06
  very long and I'm now in the process of being on sabbatical
• 1:21:10
  and writing it so I can bring it out to the public.
• 1:21:13
  Look. Mmm is your vision loss and
• 1:21:16
  example of this? Oh, absolutely.
• 1:21:19
  It would be an example of this but I don't think I'll go beyond
• 1:21:23
  my own story or and talk about what were, what many of us are
• 1:21:26
  experiencing great suffering right now and healing and losing
• 1:21:32
  of our body's ability to just keep us functioning.
• 1:21:38
  It's quite common as you know, you as well being in the medical
• 1:21:43
  field. Yeah.
• 1:21:45
  Well, those symptoms are So important to be listened to.
• 1:21:52
  And yet, as we spoke earlier, our societal reaction is to
• 1:21:58
  avoid those things that make us uncomfortable and that includes
• 1:22:01
  symptoms. And so we have a whole barrage
• 1:22:04
  of medications that are anti anti psychotic anti-inflammatory
• 1:22:09
  anti-depressive and we take that we're basically just snuffing
• 1:22:13
  out the symptoms and those symptoms have so much Meaning
• 1:22:17
  behind them and so much potential to help guide us at
• 1:22:21
  you talked about the bread crumbs.
• 1:22:22
  They are our bread crumbs to Healing.
• 1:22:25
  You couldn't have said it better.
• 1:22:28
  Absolutely. They are the doorway.
• 1:22:30
  They are the guideposts. They are the direction signs.
• 1:22:34
  They hand Us in, such specificity, what's happened,
• 1:22:41
  and how to heal it point. They Shine the Light and I've
• 1:22:45
  seen people Close to me, example, diagnosis of cancer.
• 1:22:52
  I've seen one person recognize that lifestyle and thoughts, and
• 1:22:58
  the trauma and the stress that this individual carried was,
• 1:23:04
  Part of this journey. And when when this individual
• 1:23:07
  got cancer, that was great. Healing of all of these traumas
• 1:23:11
  before and the cancer became a great gift.
• 1:23:15
  And yet I've seen other people who the cancer is the enemy to
• 1:23:18
  be Stamped Out no matter what the cost and there is no
• 1:23:21
  reflection and no internal work, done whatsoever.
• 1:23:26
  It's just let's hit it aggressively with whatever we
• 1:23:28
  can hit it with and blast it out and carry on.
• 1:23:31
  Absolutely, even that word, I'll battle this.
• 1:23:34
  Answer fight this cancer, Keeps Us in, fight-flight Keeps Us in
• 1:23:38
  a state where we can't reach your vulnerability and go
• 1:23:42
  deeper. What puts well put dot and that
• 1:23:44
  can be with anything and it doesn't have to be something as
• 1:23:47
  life-threatening is cancer and your case it was losing your
• 1:23:50
  vision. These symptoms are not trivial.
• 1:23:54
  No matter what they are, they're not trivial Mark where can
• 1:23:59
  people learn more about you and potentially have the opportunity
• 1:24:02
  to? I don't know if you're still
• 1:24:03
  working with clients. I think you are and where can we
• 1:24:07
  send people to? Yeah join me.
• 1:24:12
  Come over to my website and Mark will lend wol YNN.com and Dario.
• 1:24:19
  You know if you want to learn about this work, if you're some
• 1:24:24
  if your clinician I have a training I just taught that I'm
• 1:24:27
  very proud of Where I teach April it's streamable, you can
• 1:24:32
  just buy it right on my website or work with me, or one of
• 1:24:37
  people have trained working with the effects of early trauma
• 1:24:41
  inherited trauma. It's all there on the website.
• 1:24:45
  Also, we're on social media too. Okay, great.
• 1:24:49
  And I don't want to put any pressure on you, but is there an
• 1:24:51
  expected date for the book? Expect this season or year?
• 1:24:59
  You know, how books go right? They write you.
• 1:25:01
  You don't write them. So each day I add to it and I
• 1:25:04
  add to it and it's a process. Yeah, it's in process.
• 1:25:08
  Okay, great. I hope soon.
• 1:25:10
  I mean, I've got the bulk of it down and I hope soon.
• 1:25:15
  Yeah, well, in this is timeless work that you're doing and so no
• 1:25:20
  matter how many years go by Between the first book in the
• 1:25:23
  next one, this information doesn't grow old and it's not
• 1:25:27
  like we can that's know. Longer relevant.
• 1:25:29
  We're on to the next best thing healing our traumas and are
• 1:25:35
  inherited, traumas. It's going to be relevant for a
• 1:25:37
  pro. Yeah, my the book that's out
• 1:25:41
  there now is absolutely relevant or irrelevant.
• 1:25:45
  I stand by and everything in it and its current with the science
• 1:25:49
  and leading people. You know, that's the whole
• 1:25:52
  thing. I'm trying to do in this book,
• 1:25:54
  let me take your hand and walk. You through what's your either?
• 1:25:57
  Your worst symptom Eames your worst fears and let's see where
• 1:26:01
  we can go together on this journey and along the way, let's
• 1:26:05
  find your trauma language verbal and nonverbal, let's link it.
• 1:26:09
  Let's do your core language map. Let's do your genogram, your
• 1:26:13
  trauma G, and then let's have some practices and exercises so
• 1:26:18
  we can begin to heal and stay with where, where uncomfortable
• 1:26:24
  to we can strike gold beneath. Mmm well said, Thank you so much
• 1:26:30
  for taking the time to do this today and sharing your wealth of
• 1:26:34
  knowledge. You just had some amazing
• 1:26:37
  parting words. We can leave it at that.
• 1:26:39
  Is there anything else you want to leave the listeners with on
• 1:26:42
  their healing path? Well, okay, I would say that if
• 1:26:49
  we find ourselves struggling in any way with relationship
• 1:26:55
  failures or unexplained symptoms or more failures with career or
• 1:27:01
  money or depression or anxiety OCD phobias, destructive.
• 1:27:07
  Behaviors self-sabotaging, behaviours, you know, they meet
• 1:27:13
  we've got to, we've got to shake the family tree.
• 1:27:16
  You know, really I do and see what falls out.
• 1:27:19
  You know, ask ourselves what family secrets have been hidden
• 1:27:23
  that. We remember hearing once or
• 1:27:25
  twice as children, but nobody talks about, or what stories
• 1:27:29
  didn't get. Total the way, if our parents
• 1:27:31
  are alive, ask them. Dad would happen when you were
• 1:27:34
  in Korea. What happened when you were in
• 1:27:36
  Vietnam or what? Traumas?
• 1:27:40
  Never healed. All the way.
• 1:27:41
  Hey, Mom would happen when you were a little girl.
• 1:27:43
  You told me, you were sent to Grandma's when for how long.
• 1:27:46
  On or Mom, what happened to me when I was little, you know,
• 1:27:49
  we've got to find out if we can these things because it's
• 1:27:53
  helpful just to be able to say, oh that's what happened, but
• 1:27:57
  even if we don't know that information is contained in our
• 1:28:02
  trauma language and in our behaviors and I'd in the book I
• 1:28:05
  teach us even without knowing any information how to find it.
• 1:28:10
  Yeah. Hmm.
• 1:28:11
  Thank you so much. Thank you Todd for having me.
• 1:28:14
  I your Your lovely guy was really nice to talk to you
• 1:28:18
  during the show and before the show, and I hope our paths cross
• 1:28:22
  again. I hope so, it's you.
• 1:28:24
  Thank you so much. You're so welcome.
• 1:28:35
  Thanks for listening to this episode of settlers wolf with
• 1:28:37
  Mark, while in to learn more about Mark, visit Marc
• 1:28:41
  Bolan.com, that's markwilliams84 on and pick up a copy of his
• 1:28:48
  book. It didn't start with you
• 1:28:50
  wherever books are sold. Please check out Anchor Point
• 1:28:52
  Expeditions.com for all episodes of this podcast and for
• 1:28:55
  information on my Men's Leadership, Free treats men's
• 1:28:58
  group and personal development coaching.
• 1:29:00
  The show was produced by me. Todd outward, music was written
• 1:29:03
  and performed by Jason cows of the darcys special thanks to
• 1:29:06
  Pacific Rim college for their ongoing contribution to the
• 1:29:09
  show. Four episodes on holistic,
• 1:29:11
  health and sustainability. Please tune in to my other
• 1:29:13
  podcast, Pacific Rim College radio at Pacific Rim
• 1:29:16
  college.com. If you enjoyed this broadcast,
• 1:29:19
  please give it a five star rating on, whatever podcast app
• 1:29:21
  you are using and share it with your friends and family.
• 1:29:24
  If there is a guest, you would like to recommend for the show,
• 1:29:26
  please email Mount Discover at Anchor.
• 1:29:28
  Point Expeditions.com, you have been listening to Salish wool.
• 1:29:33
  I am Todd Howard signing off.