Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 660: Think You'll Never Hear From Your Ex Again?

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Episode 660: Think You'll Never Hear From Your Ex Again? · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  So you've been in no contact and you have not heard from your ex.
• 0:05
  It's been 30 days, 60 days, 90 days or even more.
• 0:12
  And you're worried and you think that you will never hear from
• 0:15
  your ex again, right? That's what you're thinking.
• 0:17
  Wow. I have some hope for you, so
• 0:21
  stay tuned. But first, hi, this is Lucia
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  with the Art of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
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  expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
• 0:30
  over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
• 0:32
  contact army. Have you been a good little
• 0:34
  soldier? Well, if you have, then you've
• 0:36
  downloaded my app Silencio, which will help you to stay in
• 0:40
  no contact. And if you too would like to
• 0:43
  join our no contact army, all you have to do is hit the
• 0:47
  subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:50
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com, where you
• 0:54
  can read two free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 0:57
  OK, so I have an e-mail here from someone who was in your
• 1:01
  exact position. She did not hear from her ex for
• 1:05
  many, many days, many, many months.
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  And what happened? Well, let's find out.
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  So the title of her e-mail to me is She's always right, damn it.
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  Yeah. Well, sorry.
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  OK, she goes. Well, Lucia, day 91.
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  You couldn't have been more right.
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  I'm still in shock. Well, I'm not and it's been 3
• 1:28
  days. 90 days no contact. And guess who showed up
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  unannounced the evening of day 91?
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  Yep, back on bended knee with the ring.
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  I had Fedexed him back. All apologies and willing to do
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  whatever it takes. I'm rarely tongue tied or
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  shocked. I was and maybe still AM, and
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  I'm not sure what's going to happen next.
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  Those days away give you a clarity that's hard to attain
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  when you're with them. That's right, but thanking you
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  and your Absalencio for taking me talking me down off the ledge
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  many times during those long 90 days.
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  Pay attention folks, this gal knows her stuff.
• 2:07
  Well thank you. So of course I had to find out
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  the details which I will now give to you.
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  OK so they dated for 1 1/2 years for before the 90 day split and
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  I said well who broke up with who?
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  And she said he's a major avoidant and had left.
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  Slash ignored me many times, always calling it cooling off,
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  not breaking up or dismissing. Yeah, right.
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  More times than I can count over the year and a half, even after
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  the engagement we've been together.
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  So there's your problem right there.
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  He keeps pulling away and you keep putting up with it, and you
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  keep taking him back every time he pulls away.
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  All right, come on back. People are going.
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  You are going to treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
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  And if they know that they can pull away and you'll always take
• 2:57
  them back, then they'll just keep on doing that.
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  Why wouldn't they? It serves them, it works for
• 3:01
  them. But if there's a consequence,
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  it's like, F around and find out if there's a consequence the
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  first time they do it, or at least the second time, 'cause
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  maybe the first time you're not so sure, then you would not have
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  this where he's keeps pulling away and you, you just keep
• 3:20
  putting up with it. So a lot of times we contribute
• 3:24
  to our own problems in relationships because we put up
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  with way, way, way too much. So she says.
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  This time, however, during another one of his dismissals, I
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  warned him to get his butt back here.
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  We never cohabitated and communicate it and communicate
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  or fix it or I would be done. Of course, he ignored her.
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  Yeah. Because he thought, yeah, right.
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  OK, yeah, whatever. You always take me back, so why
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  wouldn't you? So I he got his ring back
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  overnight. Finally you finally stood up for
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  yourself. So I said what was the reason
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  for the break up and she said OK well the reason stated above, he
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  started ignoring me again because I told him that the fact
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  that he was getting up all night kept me awake.
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  That's that's abusive. Like he ignored you because you
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  told them that he kept you awake.
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  This isn't about being an avoidant.
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  I'm an avoidant and I wouldn't do that.
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  This is abusive. And then she says I got for the
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  ungrateful baby on Monday mornings for 1 1/2 years to make
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  him food for the entire day slash night.
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  OK, listen to me ladies. This is for the ladies.
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  Some of the guys are going to be upset with me for saying this,
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  but you know what? I don't care.
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  Ladies, stop acting like the hired help, OK?
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  He's not your son. He's not your child that you
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  have to get up and make food for him.
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  He's not an invalid. I don't know what the
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  circumstances are, but it sounds like you didn't want to get up
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  every Monday morning for 1 1/2 years to to make food.
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  Well, then don't. OK?
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  Especially because you're not living together and women think,
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  oh, well, you know, if I cook for him and if I clean for him,
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  do his laundry, act like the hired help, he's going to fall
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  in love. He's going to want to marry me.
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  No, he's not. They don't give a doubt about
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  that. Unless that's all they're
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  looking for, which, hey, some guys are.
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  They just want hired help, free hired help.
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  But the two guys who wanted to marry me to high value guys I
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  did the least for. I did the bare minimum.
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  I never cooked for them. One guy, it was long distance
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  and I never picked him up at the airport and I never dropped him
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  off and they both wanted to marry me.
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  OK, so stop thinking that if you act like wifey, if you ask at
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  the hired help, they're going to love you.
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  They're going to want to marry you.
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  No. OK.
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  It really bothers me to see that.
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  I'm not saying if you're living together, you're not going to
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  clean and cook and all that. Of course, the both of you are.
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  But if you're not, then why are you the cook, the unpaid cook,
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  the unpaid chef? OK, Why?
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  And then I asked why did it take him 91 days before he finally
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  showed up? And she said, OK, He's an
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  extreme avoidant. He enjoys being alone, hunting,
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  fishing the woods and married several numerous times himself
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  before. Gee, I wonder how many times
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  that alone is a red flag. Numerous times.
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  It's like he didn't learn anything from his previous
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  marriages. And then I asked, of course, why
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  are you unsure about taking him back?
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  And she said, well these 90 days were painful.
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  Sending that beautiful ring back was a hard decision.
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  We're 60 years old dating years for 60 year olds coming dog
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  years. I thought long and hard before I
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  sent the ring back. I wasn't fluffing.
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  Yeah, he knew. He knew.
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  He realized that I didn't want to eat crow again.
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  I was happy so many times. Yeah.
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  Finally. And she said he's being
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  wonderful. He's saying new things, such as
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  I've thrown away my running shoes, making plans, asking to
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  be around friends. He's never been kiss assy
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  before. And while this is not that, it
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  feels a lot different. Like he's very scared.
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  He knows I dated while he was gone.
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  Well, that's what happens when you finally demand respect.
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  If they're interested, they will respect you.
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  So yeah, now she's not sure if she wants them.
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  And good. I hope she takes your time.
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  And he definitely needs to ask the six.
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  No, she needs to ask him the six questions.
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  He needs to have great answers. And he needs to be on probation
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  for a good 3060 days. And let's see, let's see if he's
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  going to go back to his evil ways because who's who's to say
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  that he's not going to get triggered again?
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  And I mean, he is going to get triggered again.
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  Who's to say he's not going to pull away once he gets triggered
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  unless he's worked on that. So there needs to be a
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  probationary period. Now, she did say one more thing
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  that some of you might be interested in.
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  She said the fact that, you know, that they're older.
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  And she says we don't have the kind of access to meeting new
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  people that other young, younger people do.
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  My point is, we tend to take crap for fear of literally never
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  meeting someone new. No, you take crap for fear of
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  never meeting someone new. Not everyone does.
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  And she says there's less places for older people to meet people.
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  There's meet up groups. There's a lot of senior events,
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  there's dance events. And guess what?
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  If you're entrepreneurial, then you put on an event and get all
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  the seniors together. There's always a way.
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  So don't think, oh, we're older now, we can't meet anyone.
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  What's with a defeatist attitude like come on, you can always
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  meet someone. People are getting married in
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  their 60s, seventies, probably 80s.
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  OK, so don't think that age is means that you have to put up
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  with BS and not being treated correctly.
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  You should never do that at any age.
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  All right, so hopefully for those of you listening, this has
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  given you some hope that even if you don't hear from your ex, not
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  a peep, not a breadcrumb, nothing, that at some point, if
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  you were a good partner and if your interest is still there,
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  which often it is, they will all of a sudden show up.
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  Not everyone bread crumbs. Some people just stay away, stay
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  away, stay away. And then one day, poof, I'm
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  back. I can't take it anymore.
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  I want you. And now she, as she said, he's
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  literally begging. So hang in there.
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  Do not give up. So now I want to hear from you.
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  How long have you been in no contact and how's it going?
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  And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
• 9:57
  ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net and we will
• 10:00
  send you the rates. They are not on the website.
• 10:03
  And the direct link to that is beneath every single video and
• 10:07
  podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 10:09
  please like, subscribe, and share.
• 10:11
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 10:14
  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 10:20
  enlightens.