Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 02: Vulnerability Hangover

Transcript

02: Vulnerability Hangover · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:01
  Speaker: Hey, this is Tania.
• 0:03
  Speaker: I'm just popping in here with a short spur of the moment recording.
• 0:09
  Speaker: This isn't a full official episode, so this is why I'm labeling it.
• 0:13
  Speaker: Episode 1.5.
• 0:15
  Speaker: And there's no fancy music or anything.
• 0:18
  Speaker: This is just me taking a moment, to share what's on my mind here, just speaking right into my iPhone.
• 0:24
  Speaker: So.
• 0:25
  Speaker: Something happened, after I recorded episode one.
• 0:30
  Speaker: I got episode one recorded this morning, like at 1:00 AM and I was just so freaking happy to get the thing done.
• 0:38
  Speaker: Um, it was, the hard part was more the tech, you know, trying to figure out, had to add music to an intro and an outro and all the things, and it took me way longer than I imagined.
• 0:48
  Speaker: So when 1:00 AM came and I was done, I was just.
• 0:53
  Speaker: So happy.
• 0:55
  Speaker: So when I got up this morning, I shared it with a bunch of people in my circle, friends and family, partly to seek feedback.
• 1:06
  Speaker: Um, it kind of felt like the wise thing to do to, you know before recording more episodes to, see how it landed with people, but also because I was just so happy.
• 1:16
  Speaker: Um, I have been thinking about doing this podcast forever and a day.
• 1:21
  Speaker: And I finally just sat down and recorded the thing.
• 1:25
  Speaker: I did the thing and my one girlfriend called me, fairly early in the morning and she was elated.
• 1:31
  Speaker: And I was elated and she was just, I think, so happy that I took this step and we didn't really have time to chat, so it was a really quick call, but she was just wanting to say she was excited for me and I was just excited for me and excited for hopefully.
• 1:47
  Speaker: Making a difference for one or more people out there listening.
• 1:51
  Speaker: So everybody's all excited and happy.
• 1:54
  Speaker: And then as the day went on, I started to receive the feedback and 95% of it, I would say it's a rough estimate, was really positive.
• 2:05
  Speaker: People were just happy that I was getting my voice out there and some shared about how it resonated.
• 2:12
  Speaker: Even a couple mentioned that it brought them to tears and.
• 2:15
  Speaker: That really felt good.
• 2:17
  Speaker: Not so much because I was looking for all the accolades, but I wanted to make a difference for the right people, for the people who need to hear it, for the people that I'm meant to support.
• 2:28
  Speaker: That just gave me such joy.
• 2:30
  Speaker: So I was flying high and feeling really just good about doing it.
• 2:36
  Speaker: And then, I got.
• 2:39
  Speaker: Just a small amount of constructive feedback.
• 2:42
  Speaker: And it wasn't even all that critical, there was just, one person who's, she was so sweet and took the time to really give specific feedback.
• 2:51
  Speaker: I so appreciate her.
• 2:53
  Speaker: But she did make a comment about it, that it felt really curated and she preferred more of a spur of the moment kind of talking.
• 3:02
  Speaker: And in that moment I realized how.
• 3:07
  Speaker: Fragile.
• 3:09
  Speaker: It can be this commitment that I have to being imperfect, not trying to be all the things to all the people.
• 3:18
  Speaker: This is truly, truly the position I wanna stand in and where I wanna live my life from.
• 3:26
  Speaker: And those old habits, that inner critic.
• 3:31
  Speaker: Is still there, waiting for any opportunity to step in the door.
• 3:40
  Speaker: And the amount of attention I gave to that constructive feedback, and there was another little piece to it to say that, you know, my, my voice sounded low energy, maybe even a little bit depressed at the beginning of my episode, and my mind wanted to spiral and go to the place like, oh my goodness, if.
• 3:55
  Speaker: People don't feel uplifted right from the beginning.
• 3:59
  Speaker: They won't continue listening, and I could observe my mind wanting to go to all these places and all that joy I felt just from getting the thing done, from being.
• 4:12
  Speaker: Happy with its imperfection and whatever, and just getting it out there, I could feel it vanishing.
• 4:18
  Speaker: My energy was dissipating and this is a really excellent reminder and it is an opportunity for me to strengthen my resolve and my North Star that I talk about in episode one.
• 4:31
  Speaker: And that commitment to really let things just unfold and be messy and just be okay with however I did it.
• 4:42
  Speaker: The truth is some episodes are gonna be curated because I love writing things, writing my thoughts.
• 4:49
  Speaker: Other episodes are gonna be like this messy in the moment, and I'm choosing to trust that they will serve whoever needs them.
• 4:58
  Speaker: And that part's not up to me.
• 5:01
  Speaker: But I also want to remember how quickly I can let the inner critic steal joy.
• 5:08
  Speaker: So my same friend who called me in the morning, called me back later in the day, or I called her, I can't even remember.
• 5:15
  Speaker: But, she noticed the change in my voice.
• 5:17
  Speaker: She wasn't hearing the joy, and she's like, what's going on?
• 5:20
  Speaker: You don't sound.
• 5:21
  Speaker: Excited.
• 5:22
  Speaker: Like when I spoke to you this morning, I was just so proud that you actually got this thing done and I shared that I was momentarily letting my mind go to the constructive feedback and.
• 5:35
  Speaker: You know, we had a conversation about that, and it's great to have these wise friends in your circle to just remind you that the creative act is a vulnerable one, and when you put things out in the world, whether you explicitly ask for feedback or not, you're probably gonna get some.
• 5:53
  Speaker: And it doesn't mean that.
• 5:56
  Speaker: You need to put more attention and authority on that than on the joy.
• 6:04
  Speaker: Trust the joy.
• 6:05
  Speaker: There was a reason I was feeling that joy.
• 6:07
  Speaker: And I'm allowed.
• 6:09
  Speaker: You're allowed.
• 6:10
  Speaker: We are allowed to just.
• 6:11
  Speaker: Be happy for, you know, for getting something done, for getting something out, for doing something that you've been wanting to do.
• 6:20
  Speaker: Regardless of the outcome, we have such attachment to outcome.
• 6:24
  Speaker: I have such an attachment to outcome that I'm recognizing, and so I wanna just call this out for everyone and not have it rob our joy.
• 6:34
  Speaker: So really that's all that I.
• 6:38
  Speaker: Essentially wanted to share.
• 6:40
  Speaker: I just wanted to acknowledge that sometimes when we do these things, we may have a little bit of a vulnerability hangover.
• 6:48
  Speaker: I mean, I should have expected that when you throw things out there and you even ask for feedback, you're gonna get some feedback.
• 6:55
  Speaker: And it's okay not to be all things to all people.
• 6:58
  Speaker: And old habits can die hard.
• 7:02
  Speaker: You know, that inner critic isn't necessarily malicious, but it is relentless and.
• 7:07
  Speaker: Wanted to tempt me into the fix it and rerecord it and make everyone happy and defining myself and my identity and my worth by others' opinions.
• 7:18
  Speaker: And that is a slippery slope to hell, my friends.
• 7:21
  Speaker: Let me just call it out, as it is.
• 7:23
  Speaker: And what I stand for in this podcast is for us to lovingly be aware of those voices, acknowledge them, but don't give them any more attention.
• 7:36
  Speaker: Than they deserve, which is not very much, it's an awareness point.
• 7:41
  Speaker: It's not somewhere to dwell.
• 7:44
  Speaker: So the joy we feel in doing things, the joy is real.
• 7:48
  Speaker: The critic can also feel real and loud, but the joy is definitely paramount and more important.
• 7:55
  Speaker: And I am choosing joy and I'm choosing not to rerecord.
• 8:01
  Speaker: And I wanted to reinforce that.
• 8:04
  Speaker: Through this podcast series, I'm not the sage on the stage.
• 8:08
  Speaker: I am not this person who has transcended her inner critic.
• 8:11
  Speaker: I am.
• 8:12
  Speaker: Wanting to be the guide on the side.
• 8:14
  Speaker: I'm in this with you on the daily, and even though I'm putting this podcast out in the world, I am still subject to, to doubt and all the human things.
• 8:26
  Speaker: And that's okay.
• 8:28
  Speaker: We can do this, we can do this together.
• 8:31
  Speaker: And I'm committed to doing this messy and beautifully.
• 8:35
  Speaker: And yeah, that's it.
• 8:38
  Speaker: So.
• 8:39
  Speaker: I hope this is a reminder in whatever area of your life that you're creating at work, at school, in your art, in your whatever that you're doing, just have the freedom to enjoy it, independent of the lovely opinions of others.
• 8:59
  Speaker: Alright, many blessings to you.
• 9:01
  Speaker: Cheers.