Latest / Be It Till You See It / 740. The Simple Way to Stop Self-Judgment

Transcript

740. The Simple Way to Stop Self-Judgment · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually don't think it's bad to be jealous.
0:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is bad to judge yourself for being jealous and not actually taking a moment to know what about that thing is making me have the grass as greener.
0:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Beat till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor, and fit this business coach.
0:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:31
[SPEAKER_00]: My friends, action brings clarity.
0:34
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's the antidote to fear.
0:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
0:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
0:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the beat till you see it interview, recap where my co-hosts in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the insightful combo.
0:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I have with Jamie Learner and our last episode.
1:02
[SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't yet listened to that, interview feel free to pause this now and go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us.
1:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to listen all the way through and then just let your podcast play that one.
1:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You started episode one.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We're only 740 in right now.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, so many so many today is October 1st, 2026.
1:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It is ADHD Awareness Month.
1:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And you are listening to two ADHD hosts.
1:26
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, just so you know, when we record these, the Adderall is worn off.
1:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's also true.
1:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's all, we don't wear a record when we are medicated.
1:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So because that would make too much, but ADHD awareness month shines a light on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder throughout October this vital observance spearhead of it organizations like attention deficit disorder association aims to educate the public.
1:49
[SPEAKER_00]: reduce stigma and champion effective treatments join the conversation share resources and support those navigating life with ADHD.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going to tell you guys, it's not like a trend to go get diagnosed.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: If you think that's what's going on with you, you should do it because there are really great tools and systems that you can use.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to take Adderall.
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: There's other options.
2:06
[SPEAKER_00]: There's that there's system to put in place.
2:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But it has been really quite helpful to understand what's ADHD and what's just tired and what's whatever.
2:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And oh, I'm going on a dopamine
2:19
[SPEAKER_00]: decisions like that.
2:20
[SPEAKER_00]: But I highly recommend it.
2:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other thing I just want to add is, I listen to this really wonderful clip where this woman said that the title ADHD is not really the best because it's what it is.
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a regulation disorder.
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: People with ADHD have a hard time regulating and general.
2:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So like we go on highs and lows and highs and lows because it's really hard to regulate.
2:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I really like the example of, you know, those you listen to podcasts, most of you understand in the 80s and 90s are those pens that had red, green, black, blue, right?
2:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So a neurotypical person will think red, click red, use red, finish the red.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a neurodivergent for some people do.
3:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a neurodivergent person's my ADHD will go I have five ideas all five pen all five colors at the same time.
3:08
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how their brain works and I thought that if you don't understand what that's like you that I think is a good visual.
3:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, if you hear tuning the background, that's Darla and we're gonna let it do it because it keeps her busy.
3:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's her ADHD.
3:21
[SPEAKER_00]: She is so sure also too.
3:24
[SPEAKER_01]: My understanding is that ADHD presents itself slightly differently between men and women.
3:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really coming out strong as the largest number of women are going through pain and a pause at the same time.
3:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that is the point I was ultimately trying to eloquently get to that I am not a woman to be able to say that, but that's happening right now.
3:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, it might be that you have ADHD undiagnosed and don't know it.
3:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're thinking, oh my god, I can't fucking think anymore.
3:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's because of this and it's worth going to talk to someone about it.
4:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You have ADHD.
4:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm giving you a boom, you know, you're good.
4:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
4:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Brad and I do a freaking test.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: You take all the tests.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, I don't have time for these tests.
4:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to go do a whole computer exam in the whole nine.
4:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm glad I did, but also, I gotta go all the way back out here to this place.
4:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's like 20 minutes away, but it felt like forever.
4:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, I'm very happy that I am formally diagnosed and it has been interesting to be taking medication for something like this because I just always assumed that I was just getting older and my brain wasn't working the way that it used to.
4:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's true, I think, but also, I don't know.
4:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, cogent when I was younger and then things just started to slip away from me and I just associated that with all the things that happened in my life and
4:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're going through a pair of menopause.
4:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I must be.
4:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think that's it.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the conclusion.
5:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know how I didn't come to that conclusion.
5:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Even what I will say is the psychiatrist was really thoughtful.
5:05
[SPEAKER_00]: She said, look, she says what you'll have to understand about your self is it's you versus the ADHD and if you can really understand what's me and what's ADHD, it will really help you.
5:17
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a child where my ADHD was fully showing up and people, oh, you're
5:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you're just being your procrastinate.
5:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this.
5:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And so really I'll be completely honest.
5:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually had a moment of being fucking pissed off because I think my life would be completely different had someone just diagnosed me earlier instead of in my whole life masking and then I got to a place where my hormones weren't helping me mask anymore and I was tired of masking and then I was just a fucking hunt.
5:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just mean I was irritable.
5:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And now, when I am taking the medication and I'm focused and I'm irritable, I actually know that I am actually irritated.
5:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Versus, oh, this is just my, I'm tired, my brain is not able to operate, which means watch the fuck out because now I know.
6:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Now we know.
6:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Now we know.
6:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Now we know and I'm a January Aquarius and so some of it is we're tired.
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: We're ready.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: We're moving on.
6:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, well, put on a lot of events and travel.
6:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So uplift is our teacher training program.
6:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You probably heard a rumor has been something we whispering about, but my teacher training program for new teachers are partially trained teachers is called uplift.
6:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And it is going to start early next year in many different cities.
6:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you want to know which cities are going to be in, probably around the world.
6:31
[SPEAKER_00]: At the time we're recording this, I'm looking at the applications right now, and I have some really epic educators that have applied that I'm really excited about.
6:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We're working really hard to make sure that next year is the right time for them.
6:42
[SPEAKER_00]: But you want to go to xxll.co-u-w-s. xxll.co-u-s-u-s-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: student student.
6:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can play in Brad.
6:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So go there because I'm updating that waitlist monthly and those of the people, the people who are here about the locations first.
7:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You won't have to wait for the Instagram algorithm to show you something.
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Elevate is for those who are already trained and you're looking for more of a master's program to study amongst other teachers.
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And you want to directly study with me.
7:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You can look at our live Q&A call that we did earlier this summer.
7:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess it's at LeslieLogan.co slash elevate.
7:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I will just
7:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Not when you're hearing it and at the time of recording there are two spots left in 2028 Right and 10 applications at any time someone could go.
7:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I'm ready But don't let that stop you check it out.
7:33
[SPEAKER_00]: See you might get the last spot If that's what you're looking for also elevate grads are the people who right now can apply to be uplift educators So if you are I want to be one of those educators you must have gone through up a lift at this time So check that out the flashcards if you didn't know maybe you love OPC or you're not ready to be an OPC member yet
7:52
[SPEAKER_00]: with me and like the other options are just not what you need right now.
7:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be a pulized lover of any level.
7:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be a teacher of any background.
7:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you buy the OPC flash card directly supporting the Nevada SPCA, which is where we got Ms. Darla, go to opc.me slash flashcards.
8:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We have six decks.
8:08
[SPEAKER_00]: in there in the set and they're wonderful and they're edited by a contemporary train and instructor with contemporary equipment and they're edited by my sister and law has never done pilates.
8:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyone can read that and then we have heard so many times people want to know where the posters are.
8:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Go to opc.me slash posters.
8:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, wow, this is a lot of talking.
8:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Really quickly, we are headed to Sacramento, literally next week, and it's sold out.
8:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So you two get so sad.
8:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You missed it.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't have a ticket, you're, we're not seeing it.
8:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So Sacramento, because Balanced Body's having a pull out of his on tour, it's also their 50th anniversary celebration.
8:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can hang out with me and another 50th celebration, but stay tuned for that.
8:46
[SPEAKER_00]: We are gonna go from Sacramento by another train to San Francisco.
8:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this sounds like a terrible idea, but this is what we're doing.
8:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Defly to Cambodia to lead our retreat and it was a definitely an ADHD plan moment and now we're going to live it and we're living it we're living it Just thinking about the return trip home.
9:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the deal guys we're driving to Sacramento with the beach which is nine and a half hours nine and a half hours.
9:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay sounds fun because it's so much easier than shipping the flashcards across so much fun.
9:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also trying to get the band at the event.
9:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it's not going to that's the they're going to park that right out front where we're putting that in and they're going to they're going to valet park that sucker right in front of the entrance I know bra's going to figure that out because the event is not at their headquarters at the high it or something like a thing right.
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so anyways, all at you throw that out because I that not my monkey on my circus.
9:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Then we'll be at the event, then we're going to park that man at Ken Endelman's house supposedly, which we have no idea where that is in regards to the Amtrak.
9:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to take an Amtrak, hopefully there's one left, I'll take the Amtrak to a bar before the barts shut down on the sunny night.
9:54
[SPEAKER_00]: From the barts to our hotel, and then the next morning we flat a San Francisco.
10:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Part of me is just throw money at this problem and park the van somewhere in San Francisco, but it's San Francisco.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a little worried.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to move in.
10:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're not doing that.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not doing that.
10:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to throw money at the problem.
10:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We're hiring a private driver from Sacramento.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a great idea.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's that's going to happen.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: We return back and we have to reverse trip you guys.
10:17
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to go bar to Amtrak and track to the van.
10:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a nine and a half hour drive home.
10:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is the part that I don't think my husband has thought through.
10:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're here in it first here.
10:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I think he is too.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to go to Cambodia for the next year, when we're not doing planes, friends and automobiles, you can get on the weight list.
10:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know the link for that.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Brattle tell you.
10:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Crosest retreats.com.
10:42
[SPEAKER_00]: great.
10:42
[SPEAKER_00]: January is going to open up the early bird.
10:44
[SPEAKER_00]: We have so many people interested in 2027.
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you do not want to wait on.
10:49
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a lot of interest, especially from this summer tour that we just got back from, a lot of interest.
10:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm telling you, this past year's trip sold out in three weeks.
10:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sure this one is going to do the same or even faster.
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Then in November, I'm teaching at basically applies on tour, but in China, outside of Shanghai, I can't tell you how you're going to send it for that, but I feel I feel like if you Google it, it will happen.
11:12
[SPEAKER_00]: They are not, they've not sent me a link for you.
11:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So, but people are excited.
11:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You can find it online.
11:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure you can.
11:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure you're all, here's, I'm sure you're on Google.
11:22
[SPEAKER_00]: But then,
11:23
[SPEAKER_00]: because I'm a crazy person.
11:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna go back to Asia to explain her to teach at Pilais on tour, Goa.
11:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is India.
11:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's just India.
11:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I think people know Goa.
11:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It looks stunning, you guys.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And this particular POT, it's the last one of the 50th year celebration.
11:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you, it's very different because we all have lunch together.
11:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's more like a retreat style.
11:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You are there for the whole event.
11:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You are going to go to Instagram, Poliz on tour India and you can sign up through there.
11:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's not the POT page.
11:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a balanced body's website.
11:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you know what?
11:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It is.
11:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It's xxl.co.sashpote.
12:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, do that.
12:01
[SPEAKER_00]: What do I know?
12:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just, it's not.
12:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure it's on there.
12:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys, today is October 1st, which means to take a stop today for the winter tour.
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So, do you not miss out?
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Go to opc.me.sash tour because- By the way, if you didn't hear what she just said,
12:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The winter tour tickets have just dropped today.
12:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.
12:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Today, and we, it's going to be a very big tour.
12:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually flying from Goa to Denver, which doesn't make any sense now that I know the route.
12:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm coming through Europe, so I don't know if I should've met you in New York.
12:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're not doing that.
12:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not doing that.
12:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You're coming as close to home as possible.
12:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, we're going to pick her up in Denver and then go from there.
12:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's exciting to see the route is coming together.
12:46
[SPEAKER_01]: We're almost done.
12:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I could tell you the first half of the tour is going to take us from
12:50
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to do four Collins or just south.
12:52
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a smaller town just south of four Collins.
12:55
[SPEAKER_01]: That's going to be the first horse stop.
12:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to go up.
12:57
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a couple of stops on the way to Chicago and there's a bunch more stops in the way to Boston and then we're going to scoop back around through New York and and Hershey, we're coming back to you.
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We love Hershey.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You love us.
13:09
[SPEAKER_01]: then we're going down East Coast, but we're going to cut over to Charlotte North Carolina, and then we're going to make our way down to Florida and then back across the country.
13:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So those are still TBD.
13:19
[SPEAKER_01]: We're working out the logistics and all the things.
13:22
[SPEAKER_00]: By the time you're hearing this, it's worked out.
13:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, it's worked out.
13:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Just go to, because go to, you see that me such tour.
13:27
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I talking about?
13:27
[SPEAKER_00]: We're actually just recording this in the past before it has been because that's how we do life.
13:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we got to move on.
13:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
13:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So real quick, you guys, as you know, October is breast cancer awareness month, and we wanted to hop out like a project that we actually know the founder of very well.
13:51
[SPEAKER_00]: We know Polis instructors who are part of it.
13:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a nonprofit built by the Polis community founded in 2012 by Polis instructor Jill Henson after she saw firsthand how quickly reformer worked out to clients were coming from breast cancer surgery to regain their strength and mobility.
14:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a core compassion project.
14:07
[SPEAKER_00]: and realize that most people who could benefit from Pilates couldn't afford it.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So, especially when they're going through cancer treatment.
14:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So, core compassion provides pies scholarships to breast cancer patients and survivors.
14:17
[SPEAKER_00]: $700 funds 10 private one-on-one sessions with a certified instructor who's specifically trained in post-cancer rehab, which is very important.
14:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't just show up to any pies studio and inspect them to be able to support you during this journey.
14:28
[SPEAKER_00]: You definitely want someone who understands.
14:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Because they'll probably need what they can also provide a free specialized fitness bras and lymphedema compression sleeves, and then things, which are things like survivors are needing, but the insurance doesn't cover those times.
14:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't cover a lot of things anymore.
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's 100% volunteer run with a board that includes past scholarship recipients and every October they rally the place community gather through their compassion, razor, where studios and teachers host donation based classes to fund the mission.
14:56
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are a personalized person listening to this and probably you are, this is your charity so find more at corecompassionproject.org or if you're just someone who wants to support
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: women who are going through this and need this.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's at corecompassionproject.org.
15:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, if you don't have, you can also just supply five dollars.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, they'll take it.
15:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure.
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So, but seven hundred dollars gets you.
15:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It gets that person ten one-on-one sessions, which is really wonderful for some who can understand what they're going through.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, if you have a chair to you, like I still look into, or you have a win that you want me to talk about on the FYFs, you can text us at 31095-5534 or submit it at biopod.com slash questions.
15:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, okay, we're ready to talk about Jamie Leonard finally.
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back.
15:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about Jamie Learner.
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Jamie is a well-being therapist and an author.
15:45
[SPEAKER_01]: She helps people get from where they are to where they want to be.
15:49
[SPEAKER_01]: After years as a psychotherapist, Jamie realized that having people look back at their past was not helping them move forward instead it was becoming the very excuse that kept them stuck.
15:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So she walked away and looked within discovering that her superpower was her own
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: and she was trying to figure out how to explain that to others, how they can get back to themselves.
16:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So today, she teaches people to trust themselves, take personal responsibility and get lovingly curious about their own intervening.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So she wrote a book, it's called the Everloving Essence of You, you can find it on Amazon.
16:24
[SPEAKER_01]: She also has a service called the Quikki, which is her texting service, where you can buy a package of time and text back and forth with her.
16:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Those links are going to be in the show notes, but she,
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Clearly has been through the psychotherapy couch sessions and was I'm over this myself.
16:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna help people like that.
16:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't even really cool.
16:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I have to be honest, I can't even have friends who repeat themselves.
16:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sick, get stuck.
16:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Look, it really, it takes everything and many to listen to someone complain about the same thing for the third time.
16:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I cannot.
16:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So I could not ever have that job and she said we we often live in this victim mentality and that society actively rewards women for being the victim by putting ourselves last and being it worked.
17:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's true because everyone just wears the busy badge, right?
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got the busy badge of honor over here and look up busy.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I am like how tired I am and look at all the things that I've done.
17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And then guess what you guys, that's what I'm doing.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: When you fail, then they're going to call you controlling.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: emotional, perfectionist, some control freak.
17:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can't win, but it's a false belief that all these other things are more important than our own well being.
17:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And we use, she said, we use being business excuse to use in the high behind it, simply because we do not know how to include ourselves in self care.
17:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think this is really key because I meet so many people who say, well, so it must be so nice for you because you have the time, you don't have kids, you must have the time, you're right.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have kids.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have kids.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: We have two dogs, so they're not the same, but also we're very busy.
17:56
[SPEAKER_00]: We have three companies.
17:58
[SPEAKER_00]: plus a fourth in a different country, we have hundreds of members, we have dozens of people on our team, we have a different version of responsibilities, and if I do not take care of myself, I am not going to be able to do these things.
18:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we have a different definition of busy, and it doesn't involve, you know, kids and soccer games.
18:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a different definition of responsibility.
18:17
[SPEAKER_00]: We have different responsibilities.
18:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So, but I guess we have the same, we have the same, I'm busy, excuse, but just in a
18:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but I also, but I really do think that she is correct that we went, okay, okay, this will a glad that we were recording this, you guys, this is like never recorded this.
18:37
[SPEAKER_00]: We recorded this before to our, and now our back and door and we were in a city, I will not name the city, but we were in a city and it was we walked into a restaurant, which by the way, the team did not tell me that there's probably a dress code.
18:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So I walk in and cut off shorts and oversized t-shirt with my bright red platform crocs.
18:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
18:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So I look like hell.
18:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was definitely the real housewives of that city.
18:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of a restaurant.
19:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And we got stuck next to this table of the real housewives from that city.
19:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I...
19:05
[SPEAKER_00]: five minutes of ease dropping to their table and I was Brad, I fucking cannot.
19:09
[SPEAKER_00]: If this is what having friendships like this is supposed to be about in the city.
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank God, we don't have kids.
19:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I could not, all they did was talk about, oh, it was how's your mom?
19:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the only reason they would listen is if their mom was sick.
19:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, how's your kid?
19:23
[SPEAKER_00]: If you talk about your kids doing great, they didn't know what to say.
19:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So then they said, oh, we'll struggling with this.
19:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh,
19:34
[SPEAKER_00]: and you were only rewarded for what you said if it was all negative and you were a victim and something was wrong.
19:40
[SPEAKER_00]: My goodness, you know, my favorite conversation my friends are is what they celebrate.
19:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'll say this.
19:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, bet you did.
19:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I love those conversations.
19:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, but that's how people are rewarded.
19:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they get rewarded for putting themselves last because they're definitely looked at badly if they put themselves first.
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: by those people.
19:56
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would say there's a whole group of people like me who are ready to celebrate you putting yourself first.
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and Jamie, that's what Jamie wants.
20:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jamie, absolutely.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing I loved that Jamie said was that we are all born with a knowing which acts as like a natural internal compass.
20:13
[SPEAKER_01]: This is very far an idea to me.
20:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I did not grow up with anyone explaining that I could look inwardly and I could
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: understand what I'm feeling and if something is right or wrong for me, you know, it's just not how I was raised.
20:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So I wasn't raised that way, but I know I had this and that's why I felt like a weirdo.
20:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I was getting like, I would get in trouble because the inner knowing was the compass.
20:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't actually know where Eastern West is, but I know what felt good and what people were wanting to do did not feel good.
20:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I do it.
20:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know what I was doing.
20:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just I definitely wasn't a people pleaser.
20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I was definitely at the rebel and I did the rebel.
20:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I would say you have it in or knowing you were the you were a ridiculous clothes every single day.
20:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it was a little bit of like an half-view to the man in a sense.
20:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you wanted to do that.
20:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I did want to do that and I was I always looked out to see how I could stick a thorn in the side of the process without actually getting in trouble.
21:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's how I rolled.
21:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't really want to get in trouble, but I really wanted to cause trouble.
21:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Does that make sense?
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: You just wanted to see how far you could do without being in trouble.
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you wanted to feel like you were breaking the rules without breaking the rules.
21:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
21:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know.
21:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But anyway, this inner knowing that Jamie's talking about she explained because of the contrast of life society trains us to look outside of ourselves for pretty much everything, right?
21:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the irony is that we have a podcast telling you to look inwardly.
21:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that it is just natural for us to look outside of ourselves.
21:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Our parents, our church, our work, our friends, our siblings, you know, were constantly
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: looking to others for approval, I was the same way, especially when I was, oh, we're raised to look at other people for approval, especially women, but I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm sure you too, because even the boy scouts are the true pleaters going to give you these badges to do do a good enough job, everything is like it other people's opinions of you to matter, but that's not who's opinion matters.
22:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and seeking that external.
22:06
[SPEAKER_01]: validation causes us to lose the basic sense of can we even trust our own decisions?
22:11
[SPEAKER_01]: What do we actually want for us?
22:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't even know what we want for us most of the time.
22:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, especially when we were growing up, what we wanted for us was what our parents told us we wanted for us.
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And then like somewhere in there we're supposed to be, Oh, now I get to choose what I want for me.
22:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and we don't shift, you know, we're still looking to... Well, you never got to practice it.
22:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
22:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And her argument is it's very easy for us to get back to looking internally.
22:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And she says that there's a trust that gets built when you sit with yourself.
22:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was talking about, it is not even complicated in the sense of this meditation idea that I could never wrap my head around.
22:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, you know, you don't need to do so anything like that.
22:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It could just be five minutes of silence drinking a cup of coffee.
22:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Or you just have a moment of you with you.
23:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I forgot my AirPods yesterday on the dogwalk.
23:04
[SPEAKER_01]: weird.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
23:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I loved it.
23:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that was like an hour.
23:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, good for you.
23:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to hear that.
23:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I love the first half.
23:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the second half I was done with it myself because I my head all day.
23:17
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so I didn't need more time.
23:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But so I did listen to a podcast without headphones and well, the name was because I listened to my my true crime, but the first half was just such a nice guy could hear the birds and all the things.
23:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought this is wonderful.
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I should just not put
23:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I love that.
23:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, it's a, it's a, it's a good intention.
23:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, but I will say, you don't even have to do that.
23:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Five minutes is actually not that long.
23:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And you, you sit out on the front porch, you know, I, or you could walk around a block, or you could just walk across the street.
23:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But you should get outside and be, and be quiet.
23:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you want a feeling of coming home to yourself,
23:54
[SPEAKER_01]: start to look inward and see what that means.
23:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm all, here's the thing.
23:58
[SPEAKER_00]: She does make it sound so simple in a way that I did challenge us.
24:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it really that simple?
24:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, what?
24:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there, I mean, I was Jamie people and I think it's simple.
24:06
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think we over complicate things.
24:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And people have over complicated things to sell you something.
24:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's, it's actually, it is actually simple.
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think sometimes we think well, then it must not work, but I really did believe I do do trust what she had to say at the end.
24:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, you know what, I bet you it is that simple.
24:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And we just want it to be complicated because then we can't do it.
24:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, but what is it, you know, when you're what is it mean to look inward to listen to yourself and other people?
24:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh gosh.
24:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think it means that you, well, this is what people
24:41
[SPEAKER_00]: and they feel like they're going to let people down because they're doing things for themselves and not for other people, but only we can let people down is if you are actually incapable of being empathetic and loving and taking, you know, you know, that's not what I mean.
24:53
[SPEAKER_01]: What's the practice of looking and working through that?
24:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's personal.
24:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but we have to give them an actual tangible step.
25:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think Jamie did in the podcast.
25:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's in these takeaways.
25:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to tell you that sitting with yourself and actually not distracting yourself
25:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you right now because I'm looking ahead.
25:14
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, we'll stick around.
25:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll be right back.
25:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause that was a great teaser.
25:16
[UNKNOWN]: Woo.
25:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back.
25:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's dig into those be it action items that we had with Jamie Lerner on the last episode.
25:24
[SPEAKER_01]: One bold, executed Blind Trins.
25:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Igor targeted action items.
25:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we take away from Leslie's combo with her?
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, hey, laugh when you judge others.
25:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Because what that means is that we're actually judging ourselves because we're projecting we are projecting and you know take it from a psychotherapist to understand the technical elements of all those things she says it simply means we're just projecting how we feel about ourselves under others because we're judging them and what that means is we are not connected to ourselves we're not looking inward on ourselves at all in that moment and she said it takes a little bit of practice but when you start to identify that.
26:00
[SPEAKER_01]: you're judging others, you should laugh at yourself.
26:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So I thought that was really funny.
26:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But laugh with yourself, not at yourself.
26:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
26:08
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's like, I clearly want that.
26:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Or there's something about that.
26:13
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so funny.
26:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't realize it's something I wanted.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Or that's something that there's something about that I desire.
26:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Or there's, I actually don't think it's bad to be jealous.
26:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is bad to judge yourself for being jealous and not actually taking a moment to know what about that thing is making me have
26:29
[SPEAKER_00]: the grass is greener.
26:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, there's something about that that you want, maybe not that exact thing, but there's an energy or an emotion or something.
26:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think taking the time to notice what you're jealous of, or we have a couple of sold-up episodes about comparison.
26:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it just came out.
26:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, about comparison.
26:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And
26:49
[SPEAKER_00]: We compare ourselves when the clarity isn't clear about what we want.
26:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And when clarity is clear, you're going to be more likely to both see that someone else doing something has nothing to do with your ability to do something.
27:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you are comparing yourself to someone else and that jealousy is there, then it's just sign like, oh, I'm not clear on what I want.
27:07
[SPEAKER_00]: How silly of me to be so hard on myself when I obviously haven't finished planning?
27:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right.
27:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said it's an observation of how often you're disconnected in any given moment.
27:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And the realization and laughter allows you to reconnect with yourself.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's no time to judge yourself for judging others.
27:25
[SPEAKER_01]: But what about you?
27:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, this goes into the question you had about going inward.
27:30
[SPEAKER_00]: She said, and I'll go back to the other things, but she said, set aside 10 minutes every day that's not even a half a percent of your day.
27:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Decide 10 minutes every day or just a little moments here and there to get tuned back into yourself and she said you can sit quietly and notice.
27:43
[SPEAKER_00]: How often we're unkind and cruel to ourselves in a way we would never speak to another person.
27:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said, in this time, ask yourself questions that are lovingly curious.
27:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I wonder why I'm so interested in what that person is doing.
27:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I wonder why I'm so intrigued by that or what wonder, what would it allow me to be able to do something like that?
28:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Have some loving curiosity about yourself instead of having demanding immediate solutions.
28:07
[SPEAKER_00]: goal of needing an answer and just asking is enough we can go back to episode one.
28:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
28:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Episode one is about being like it is I wonder.
28:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I wonder you know and so I'm opening a loop in your brain so that you can oh yeah I think they can read.
28:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really hard.
28:26
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard.
28:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're watching on YouTube, we are trying to hang out.
28:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I could say it.
28:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I could say it to my hand.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's on for me to see, which makes it very difficult for you to see.
28:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:37
[SPEAKER_00]: So she said practice this moment by a moment.
28:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I also love because what did she say?
28:40
[SPEAKER_00]: She said practice this moment by a moment.
28:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's just me.
28:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I also love because we are so hard in this.
28:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be able to do this all the time.
28:48
[SPEAKER_00]: No, you do little bits and over time they add up to lots of bits and then it takes more of your day.
28:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said, oh, some point is to know yourself, love yourself and trust yourself and laugh a lot with yourself.
29:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think, I remember my parents always say, laughter is brings healing to the bones.
29:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the best medicine.
29:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the best medicine.
29:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a great core workout.
29:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So I couldn't agree more.
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what they said.
29:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, they didn't talk about the core workout, but I added that part.
29:15
[SPEAKER_00]: They would take a lesson, go, laughter brings healing to the bones.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I don't think my parents did that.
29:22
[SPEAKER_00]: We had very different childhoods.
29:23
[SPEAKER_01]: They just took a monster us.
29:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You had a very consistent mind, mine was a little bit of a rollercoaster.
29:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you like to the bones?
29:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's something so funny.
29:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in my fly session today.
29:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And my teacher, Kim, was talking to these other two women who were in the group.
29:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And they said, they said something, he goes, no, you're not weak, you're impatient.
29:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I laughed so hard as, oh, and they're, oh, I have to put that on my wall.
29:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not weak, you're just impatient.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you guys are just expecting yourself to be good about something you just learned yesterday.
30:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not.
30:02
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a weakness.
30:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like you're expecting something to happen tomorrow when you just learn how to do it yesterday.
30:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so be kind and have some loving curiosity.
30:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, 10 minutes will do that.
30:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Set aside.
30:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Leslie Logan.
30:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm Brad Crowell.
30:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You're amazing.
30:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Go send us to a friend who needs to hear it.
30:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Go laugh with yourself, and until next time, be it to you see it.
30:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye, put it up.
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all I got for this episode of the Beat Tell You See A Podcast.
30:25
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
30:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Beat Pot on Instagram.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love to know more about you.
30:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it.
30:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Help us and others be a tell you see it.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Have an awesome day.
30:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
30:52
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one and three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
31:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
31:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
31:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
31:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
31:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
31:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And finally, the Meredith route for keeping us all on point and on time.