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Emotional Regulation: Why You Get Triggered Even When You Know Better · Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever had a completely irrational emotional response while simultaneously knowing logically that the other person hasn't done anything wrong?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's the moment I had while at the vet this week.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I was legit ready to throw fists.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: But let's rewind.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: So apparently, Marley is fat now because the vet called him borderline overweight this week.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess that's where I draw the fucking line.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for context, I love our veterinarian.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: She's wonderful.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I trust her.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: She takes great care of our dogs.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: But this woman had the audacity to tell my little baby boy that he was borderline overweight.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, I was ready to throw fists.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: But let me interrupt briefly to say this is the weekly recharge.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: The part of Hustle Rebels where we get a little more intimate, and I share something that I've been going through in my own life, the patterns I may have noticed, how I've worked through it, and what might resonate with you.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you like these types of conversations, hit the subscribe, like, and share buttons so you don't miss any more of them.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a weekly newsletter, so you can get it directly in your inbox with some other great goodies and resources.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll leave the link for that below.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, back to Mr.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Marley being called fat.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I brought Marley in to have a little bump checked out near the bottom of his rib cage.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: While examining him, she mentioned that he had gained almost a pound and he was bordering on overweight.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: She explained that she understood that I was used to Mookie, who is admittedly fat and fluffy, so it can be harder to recognize what a healthy weight looks like on a dog with less fur.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's fair.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then she said that Marley didn't really have a waist anymore.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Bitch, he's wearing a fucking doggy diaper.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you can't see his fucking waist.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't actually say that, but you better believe I was thinking it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, woman what?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, now you have to understand something about Marley.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: This dog is a super mutt.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking like the genetic makeup of approximately 20 plus different breeds.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: He's literally 55% super mutt, and they didn't even tell me what else the rest of you was.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: He's got the long barrel-shaped chest of a wiener dog that takes up three-quarters of his body, the face of a hound, these long ass legs that came from who the hell knows.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's basically a dog assembled from spare parts.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And for the record, he has a fucking waist and the energy of Azumi's demon.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: It just so happens that his Dodson barrel chest takes up most of his body.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And to be fair, the woman has never actually seen his waist because Marley wears a doggy diaper.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise, he likes to give everyone unsolicited golden showers.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So forgive me if I'm not immediately accepting this assessment that my dog has lost his waistline when the alleged missing waistline has been concealed beneath a diaper for every single appointment.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying he hasn't gained weight.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying that we might have to examine all of the evidence before making accusations about his figure.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then, while checking the bump, she suggested that it could potentially be a fatty lump because he's been gaining weight.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Ma'am, he came here for a medical exam, not to have his body image destroyed.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's already an emotional being.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, Marley is probably just wondering when he's getting his next treat.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing is, I knew she's just doing her job.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes this whole thing ridiculous.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't mad that she had been doing something wrong.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: She hadn't, obviously.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't insulting Marley or judging me as a dog owner.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't trying to be mean or malicious.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: She was literally just giving me information about his health.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew every bit of that while simultaneously wanting to punch her in the throat, which got me thinking, isn't it funny how we can have a completely irrational emotional response while simultaneously knowing, logically, that the other person hasn't done anything wrong?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We can know someone has good intentions and still get pissed off.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: We can recognize that our reaction is completely disproportionate to the situation and still feel every bit of it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because self-awareness doesn't automatically cancel out an emotional response.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our nervous system just reacts before our logical brain has even had a chance to weigh in.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And even when that logic catches up, the feeling doesn't necessarily just disappear.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about it.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your partner makes an innocent comment and suddenly you're irritated.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Your boss asks a sensible question and you immediately get defensive.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Someone offers feedback and you're already mentally preparing your rebuttal before they've even finished speaking.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes those reactions are tied to past experiences, their insecurities, or patterns that you've developed over time.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes someone's just calling your dog fat.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not everything needs to be a deep psychological excavation.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: But if it were to be one, I'd bet on the fact that Marley barely eats anything and she's calling him fat.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Which is the story of my life, my guy.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this week's practice is gonna be emotions don't have to take the wheel.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional regulation isn't about never getting pissed off.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's about what you do after you get pissed off.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time someone says something that immediately gets under your skin, I want you to try this.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what you're feeling.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is it irritation?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get defensive?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel hurt?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to justify it or make it go away.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just separate the facts from the story.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: What actually happened and what meaning are you attaching to it?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Choose your response.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel every bit of that emotion without letting it make that decision for you.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, in my case, what I felt, I wanted to punch this woman in the throat for calling my dog fat.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: What I knew, she's a wonderful veterinarian who literally is just doing her job.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And what I chose, listen to her medical advice and not commit a felony in an examination room.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: See, that is growth.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, a feeling can be real without the story that you're attaching to it being accurate.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: My productive instinct was real.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: My irritation was real.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: But Marley wasn't being bullied.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: He was just receiving a medical assessment from someone who actually cares about him.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Even if she might have been incorrect.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Both things can be true.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to stop being human, it's to recognize the difference between having an emotional reaction and letting that reaction run the show.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then this week on the Hustle Rebels podcast, in case you missed it, have you ever said, sure, I can help?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Only to realize that favor somehow became your permanent responsibility?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: In last week's episode, we're talking about people pleasing at work, setting boundaries, and being the reliable one who then can lead to burnout when you keep taking on responsibilities that nobody discussed or even pays you for.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And for the leaders listening, just because your best employee says, I've got it, doesn't mean they have the capacity for it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And just because you can handle it doesn't necessarily mean it's yours.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then this week, I'm actually sitting down with work navigation strategist Lene Brown to talk about navigating the workplace.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you can catch up on last week's episode, subscribe to Hustle Rebels wherever you're listening to the podcast so that you can catch Lene's conversation this week.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: As for Marley, he's still my perfect little supermutt.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And until someone actually sees what's underneath that diaper, I'm gonna maintain that the jury is still out on his waistline.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, keep questioning the reactions before you let them run the show.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe don't put your vet in the throat.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: P.S.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Mookie is still fat and fluffy, and I have absolutely no problem admitting that one.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently, I just have different standards when it comes to Marley.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: See you guys next week.