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Episode 10: How To Improve Upon Emotional Intelligence · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: All right, everyone, welcome back.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: We had a ton of people tune into episode five, which was all about emotions, and we realized we needed to do more episodes about emotions.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: So here we are again.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Here we are.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think, both of us agree that so many people ignore the emotional aspect of their health and honestly, I mean, we know it, those emotions can create symptoms in the body which we've touched on.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: So today we're going to spin it a little bit.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: We're not going to just talk emotions, we want to talk about emotional intelligence.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: And this is kind of a fun one, because the first time I heard it I'm like what the hell is that?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: That's a weird word.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: But I mean, if you think of like someone, that's book smart.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Think of like emotion, smart like you have oh, that's a good one.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: You know how, like people say, i's book smart.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Think of like emotion smart like you have, that's a good one.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: You know how?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Like people say, I'm book smart, I'm street smart, I'm emotion smart well, and it's true, because some people don't have that emotional intelligence.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: It's nothing against you like, it's a learned thing.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: It's how you grew Like.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Did you have emotional intelligence?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: That was modeled for you or are you just you know?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're absolutely right on this.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to chime in, kira, because, again, if you grew up in an environment where the adults around you did not have emotional intelligence, how are you?
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: You gonna learn it, yeah, and that's where you know.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Like you said, yes, you are going to.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: You know practice, and it is a journey as well, because if you didn't know, if no one taught you, you're gonna have to teach yourself.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, and then again, and then.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Nothing against our parents or the adult figures that raised us.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, maybe they did not know, and that's where it's our job, instead of blaming them on.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: My mom didn't teach me, it doesn't matter.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Fine, you're an adult now, let's unlearn and learn, yeah.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's something that, if you didn't grow up, it's kind of like if you don't know how to sew, if no one's showing you how to sew, you're not going to know how to sew.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to figure it out.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to sew.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: By the way, I don't, I do, I know you do, because you're, you were, you were into fashion.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: That's why because there was an interest.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: But I think that everybody needs to take some sort of interest in emotional intelligence because otherwise, how are you going to manage those emotions effectively?
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: How are you going to use them?
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Like you can get stuck in emotions that don't serve you, like we talked about in our original emotions episode, and that's not a healthy place to be.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Like you want to learn to let them flow through you and sit with the ones that are serving you and let go the ones that aren't yeah, and I mean the emotional intelligence is understanding the emotions, using them and managing them effectively, right, and that way it's basically a consistent practice though, consistent practice of self reflection and, you know, taking those small actionable steps and tips that we're going to give you in order to develop that or nourish it or, you know, kind of like mature with your emotions.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: That makes sense, because sometimes we do experience if we were not taught how to deal with our emotions, we do experience emotions that are kind of like baby like, right, childish like sometimes when we throw tantrums, when you're frustrated, right, that's a baby like behavior we get that we didn't know how to manage or how to express it.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: So that's where self, that's where emotional intelligence comes in, with the self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation and empathy.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, and the other thing is, sometimes we don't know how to correctly identify our emotions, you know like, oh, I'm just happy or I'm just sad, yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And can I chime in with one tip?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Because?
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: we need to develop our emotional vocabulary love that and I'm gonna come in with this is with my speech language background, actually, because I you know one of the things I do with my kiddos that have, you know, autism or that have social skills difficulties.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: You know they don't know how to express their emotions that's my kiddo.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: They don't know sometimes how to identify emotions.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: That's my kiddo.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: They don't know sometimes how to identify emotions in others.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So that's why, sometimes, even if you're not on the spectrum, even again, if you were raised in a household that did not deal with emotions, you know maturely and effectively, then you didn't develop that you don't know how to also interpret other people's emotions, that you don't know how to also interpret other people's emotions.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So we definitely want to nourish our emotional vocabulary.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you know.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Learn to identify beyond, like you said, happy, sad, angry.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you want to name specific emotions.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I am disappointed right now.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Right, disappointed is different than sad right yes, it's a negative emotion, but it's different Overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm joyful, I'm ecstatic.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Ecstatic is different than happy, right, because you're happy, you're regular, happy and ecstatic.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: So try to also use different vocabulary, emotional vocabulary, and within that you want to reflect on interactions.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: That's a really cool tip actually that you can do at the end of each day to also get yourself used to self-reflection.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So, at the end of each day, reflect on some social interactions that stood out.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Right, it could be, I mean, I don't know.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to kind of like anything that stood out to you and you want to self-reflect, consider what went well and what could be improved without judgment.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I'm throwing that out there without judgment.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I mean because I'm gonna give you an example.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I've been, you know, because you know I've been working on mindset and emotion, a lot of things right.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: So when sometimes I use different, I express my emotions differently, or I deal or I interpret things differently, I tell myself, oh good job, denise, you have matured, you responded in a mature way.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I congratulate myself when I, you know, self-reflect.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: So that's really important for you to self-reflect.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you don't want to take all of those social interactions, just pick one or two at least at the end of the day, sit with yourself, whether with the journal or just with yourself, and then see what went well or what could be improved, like, hmm, I kind of reacted, was the reaction really necessary?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And let's dig deep, right?
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And because it does require self-reflection and you know this self-reflection will enhance all aspects of emotional intelligence, because you're starting to actually practice.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: And I want to chime in here, sorry.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm also going to say, like us, telling you this is not just for fun, like no one really wants to sit and reflect.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: The goal is to make your life better.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Like when we're talking healing, we're looking at all aspects and this is going to play into relationships.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: If you don't have emotional intelligence and the first thing you do is turn to your spouse or your best friend or whoever and start yelling at them and throwing out I feel this way and I feel that way and you made me feel this way that's not emotional intelligence.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: So when you can really sit and do some self-reflection which is the painful stuff, right, we always said that this is the hard part of healing that's when those relationships are going to improve.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Absolutely Exactly.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: They're not going to improve by pointing the fingers or you made me, they're not.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: And then also, I want to give a quick tip this is in between, if you are a parent, if you're listening and you are a parent, the best way to practice what you are actually learning, whether through here or in general, not just model it, teach it to your children, because what we do is we learn when we model and also when we teach and speak out loud about what we learned.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: So, and I've done this with my kids, with the health journey that I, when I started with the mindset, and I remember when they would tell me you, mommy, you made me upset, you made me angry.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: And I say, I always repeat to them I don't make you anything.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: You are choosing to be happy, to be angry or sad or upset at something that I said, right?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: You know, of course, when they're little, maybe they're not understanding that, but guess what?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: They're going to become young adults and they are going to remember that no one makes me anything.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I make my reactions or my triggers, et cetera.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: So that's why we're saying self-reflect, to do the work.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: It's painful, yes, but that's healing, right.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're going to see growth.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: We're seeking growth, not perfection.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're going to see growth.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: We're seeking growth, not perfection.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: This has always been our theme as well, right Throughout the podcast.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Like, improving emotional intelligence is a journey, just like healing is a journey, just like anything we're talking about, it is a journey.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: You got to be patient with yourself.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Celebrate the small wins, you know.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Celebrate, like, just like I tell myself good job, denise.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: You, you're maturing.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I'm 45 years old, almost 46, and I, I congratulate myself when I mature.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And then and then also, like we have said it before, but we're gonna say it again any setback, view them all as even triggers or sometimes emotional outbursts.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: View them as opportunities, and you know so they are any progress, any progress yeah, well, I want to also teach our listeners something.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: So I'm laughing because denise and I ran like random health programs together years ago and now it feels like the best, but it feels like a lifetime ago.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Do you remember when we ran the sugar one and we came up with, like some techniques yes, sweet defeat, that's what it was.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I don't even remember what our technique was, but I have a technique today.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So throwback here.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: But the stop technique okay, stop.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: So I'm not gonna just yell like stop it, but like when you have one of those super strong emotions, like true anger, frustration, like you're losing your cool, you're gonna start lashing out at you know, whoever you're interacting with, whatever, take a few seconds to pause and breathe, of course, before, before reacting.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: So the stop technique is stop what you're doing.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: T, so the T and stop.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Take a step back, observe your thoughts and feelings and proceed mindfully.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: When you can do that, you're going to respond with emotional intelligence, because a lot of times we're just reacting right, like one of the things oh my gosh, my husband listens to this episode.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: He's going to kill me.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: But one of the things that I've been Don't listen, you're not listening.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: If you're listening, that's not what she said.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: But I've always said, like you just listen to respond, you don't listen to understand.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: And that's like.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: That's what so many and I'm not saying I'm perfect at that by any means, but that is something that so many of us do we're listening, especially if we start getting heated or we're excited about something we're just listening to respond and it's like, okay, but that the person doesn't just need you to respond, they need you to actually hear what they're and then respond.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Mindfully, we can't do that if we're just listening to respond.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: So stop, technique is going to help you out there.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love that, I love that and because that pause is going to give you some time to you know that's in that reaction and I love what you're saying, like emotional intelligence is basically, you know, instead of reacting, responding mindfully you know, that doesn't mean that you're going to be all fine and dandy.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: That could have a difficult conversation or a difficult emotion that you're going to express, yeah, but that's going to be done mindfully, versus I'm reacting and I'm basically I'm throwing a tantrum.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, and you just said something that's really powerful in that.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, that kind of goes back to what we talked about with boundaries too.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, we don't want you to just be a doormat and say, okay, I'm just not going to say anything like no, still speak up, speak your truth, say what you need to say, but responding in that loving way, like you've paused for a moment, you've observed and now you're proceeding, absolutely.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: The other thing I would say is ask yourself, like this is where the conversation and the coaching comes in with yourself, what am I feeling?
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Why am I really feeling it?
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Because, again, you can yell at your spouse like I'm so pissed off at you, or you're making me so angry.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Or, like you said, kids always say that mom you're making me feel this way.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Dig a little bit deeper, like why do you feel angry?
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Why is that triggering you?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And then more questions.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Right, because we're always coaching ourselves.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: But how else could I look at this situation?
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Or if I was talking to a friend, what would I tell them?
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Or what part of this can I control?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: You know, because a lot of times the answer is nothing.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: And then it's like why am I even bothering?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love that question what can I control?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And if I cannot control, if it's out of my control, I'm not wasting my emotions, because they're precious to me, yeah.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: That.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: And then the friend one like this is something I tell people like when we're coaching on health too, right.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: So, like I remember I had someone I you know frequently ask like what are you celebrating or what are you doing, yada, yada, yada, whatever.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: And she was like, well, I think I'm going to go get a massage.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: I just don't really know.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I just don't really know if I'm going to get it.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like what?
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Like that's a weird thing to say.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Like you are, you are not getting a massage.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: And she's like I don't.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I just I don't know if I want to take the time for that.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: And I said, okay, let's pause for a moment.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: If your best friend came to you and said she's been stressed out and dealing with lots of health issues, I think I might want to get a massage, what would you tell her?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And she's like, oh crap, I would tell her to go get a massage.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like then go get the damn massage.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, I love that.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: What would you tell a friend in that situation?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I love that and that's something that we could ask ourselves.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Like you know they mean like what?
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: What will I tell my friend, my best friend, in this situation, like you said, this could be, you know, coaching ourselves.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: It has to be like, yes, you can hire a coach, you can work with someone like us, but like, ultimately, you got to learn to do this on your own as well, like our goal is not for you to have to work with someone forever.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: No, yes, there's time.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: There's seasons of life.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Right, there's definitely been seasons.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I'm working with someone right now, but I don't want to always have someone, I just want to.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: Ok, no, now it feels like I need that again, absolutely.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: One thousand percent, one million thousand.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: So then, what are some of your tips?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Oh OK, we'll talk about triggers in a minute, or did we talk about that?
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: If someone gets, if you get triggered, I mean I think we get triggered.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: What are some questions Let me ask you if you get triggered by something because we are going to get triggered, right, I mean you have, you and I have done the work forever and we still get triggered.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I get triggered, we do, I don't, I don still get triggered.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: I get triggered all the time we do.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I don't get triggered.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: What are you talking about?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Just got triggered today.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: So what are some questions that we can ask ourselves, whether in self-reflection or in just coaching ourselves or in journaling?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I mean two of them.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I did mention.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: What would you tell a friend in that situation and what can I control, or can I control anything?
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: You tell a friend in that situation and what can I control or can I control anything?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, but I also think, like, what's the evidence for and against my thought?
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Right, I'm angry, that's fine, but give me more.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Or how else can I look at this situation, or one of my favorites?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And we don't pause to ask ourselves this, but I feel like if we did like would just be so much better for everyone.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Is this going to matter in a week?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Is this going to matter in a month?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Is this going to matter in a year?
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: If it is, then keep it going in a respectful way, but like, if you're getting so triggered about something that's not even going to matter in three days, what's?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: the point yeah, I love that, I love that.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I love it, and I know that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: You know it's sometimes repeating ourselves does help, because I know sometimes you're listening in the car.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all righty, so I am going to give the tip myself now.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, go for it.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Sorry For those that heard like a loud bang.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: We're going to blame that on the husband.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: So no there wasn't.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: We're keeping it real.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: There wasn like a loud bang.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: We're gonna blame that on the husband.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: So no there wasn't.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: We're keeping it real there.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: No, there wasn't a loud thing.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I one day, kira, we should start taking videos of those, because you know, I see you and I know what you're doing.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, what did he do?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: now you're like hey, use those trigger techniques that we're going over right now.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: We'll address that in November, later this month, right, okay, alrighty.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: So the most important tip is create your emotional emergency toolkit, and that is going to require you creating a calming routine.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Creating a calming routine you gotta create some routine that will help you to go to whenever your emotions are, you know, going out of hand or you're reacting or you don't understand.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: So it's really important to have this calming routine and because it will be your, you know your go-to method for managing stress.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: It could be going for a walk, it could be listening to calming music.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: So that's why, when you have that tool, when you have this routine, so consider that so kind of like when, in case of an emergency, you have, you know where to go get your passports and stuff like that, let's say they're in the safe right, or you know where your documents are.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Or let's say you know you're pregnant and you know you have your bag ready.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So this is exactly the same you have your emotional emergency toolkit ready and it has several things that you can do to, you know, get away from those really difficult emotions or reset yourself, ground yourself, etc.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So, creating a calming routine that could be taking a walk, it could be listening to music, practicing yoga.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: It could be something like having a calming playlist.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Have a calming playlist, you get on your phone, boom, that's it.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: This is my calming playlist.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Or you have something you have a go-to peaceful visualization.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: You can sit down with yourself for five minutes and visualize.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: It could be an app that you have on the phone.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: For example, for me, I have the tapping solution and I go to it right away because it has several topics.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: If I hear if I'm having like too much anxiety or I'm having too much overwhelm or I feel stuck, I just go to the app and I do the tapping meditation that's related to those emotions.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Or you can do some stretching, as long as those are things that will reset you, will bring you back to homeostasis and will allow you to just kind of like to have the go to.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean Like when you're traveling, how you pack your healthy snacks that you can go to in case you were served something unhealthy and you want to stick to your health routine.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Same thing, because sometimes, even the selflection and all the stuff that we mentioned, it could be something like your emotions could be too big, your reactions could be too big for those.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So that's where you want to go to your simple, very simple, calming routine, which your emergency your emotional emergency toolkit In the same place.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Keep it in the same place Safe place.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, safe place.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I heard you said same place.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, keep it in the same place, your mind.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Well, I want to say something on that, because this is again where boundaries come into place too.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Or play, I should say I'm someone like I don't get triggered as much as I used to right, like it's just not.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I've done so much work but I used to get very triggered very easily, had no emotional intelligence and I would need to leave, and that was something that was also modeled for me.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Is you leave when you get upset?
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: But looking back, because whenever I was like in that heated place, if someone was arguing with me, they'd be like you just leave.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing I didn't recognize that that was my safe place, right, like going for a walk or going for a drive with the music blasting was a way for me to do the stop method, to just step away for a moment and to just let my emotions come back down and I could come back and have a conversation.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: But if the other person views it as you walking away, that's not helpful because you come back calm and now they're pissed off.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: So conversation and boundaries I needed to understand that is what I need.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: So I put the boundary up of this is nothing against you.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: When we get in an argument, I have to walk away.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: It's for me to come back, calm, cool, collected, whatever not you know what I mean Like yeah, no, and that's really important to communicate that.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: And I remember you just reminding me of something that I say with my kids, because sometimes, you know, setting the boundary is does require me to say no, and even though my son is fine with it, I he's 18 now I'm just when I'm giving examples when, when they were children but, my daughter's 13, and now it's that age where it's like you know, sometimes I am going to say no and uh, and then what she does is because she's very determined.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: She keeps pushing and, pushing and pushing.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: So I use my words in order to express and I tell her you know, I am setting a boundary when I say no, and you know no to this activity.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: We are not going to continue arguing about that, because if I go against my intuition and my boundary and my whatever I express, I'm the one who's going to feel the frustration and I'm going to get upset.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: So I want you to respect those boundaries and we come to terms, you know, like respecting mom's boundaries.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: You know it's not like I'm saying no to all of the activities, right so.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: But when I say no to something, I want you to also to respect my intuition and my I love that.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: But she wouldn't know if you didn't express it.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah same with your example.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: No one's gonna know that this is your way to taking a break because, like you said, if you didn't express it, you're gonna come back and then they're gonna be pissed as yeah, exactly, it's like the rules reverse and we're gonna go over.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: You know, go through the same thing and then I'm like now you're triggering me, I have to leave again.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: So it's, it does require communication and it requires patience.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: It just requires to do the thing.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And yeah, all of this we always say healing is a journey, Healing any aspect of you physical, emotional, spiritual, whatever.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: It's a journey and this is a piece of it.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: But when you can really hone in on emotions and emotional intelligence, it goes a long way yeah, absolutely yeah, well, I love this episode.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: I love talking emotions.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I know we'll come back to them again, just in another way I know huh, because it's like you know, a lot of people liked it.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, we might keep talking about emotions, because also, the more we talk about it, the more you know.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe those tips could kind of get engraved, right?
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: well as always, if you like this episode, do all the things, share it with a friend, subscribe.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know like it.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Whatever else, you can do any podcast do all the things yeah, and it would love to kind of hear, you know, like you know rate and you know kind of rate us and let us know, you know, write comments or even send us dms um on our instagram to kind of see, like, maybe, what other topics you want us to talk about.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Or are you enjoying the tips?
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Because we really want to make this actionable tips because we know that small tips, small changes, lead to big results.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, want to hear all that.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: We do.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: Thanks, guys.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: See you on the next episode.