Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Benefits To Men Of Not Having An Orgasm In Every Encounter

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Benefits To Men Of Not Having An Orgasm In Every Encounter · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

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  Hi, everybody, and welcome to the doctor.
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  Psych mom show. Today, we are going to talk
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  about the benefits to Men of having an orgasm in every
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  encounter. And if that is a new idea to
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  you, then it will be very interesting and if it's not,
• 0:19
  then you'll feel very validated. Before we do that, please do
• 0:23
  subscribe, the most recent subscriber.
• 0:25
  Episode is, when your rigidity is harming, your relationship
• 0:27
  with your husband and kids, and, of course, I don't only think
• 0:30
  women are rigid. There are plenty of rigid men.
• 0:33
  I talked about that a no. See Epd or when your wife thinks
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  you're difficult and when your wife thinks you're defensive
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  which is another form of rigid and difficult but also women
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  frequently are there are higher rates of anxiety, and women and
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  anxiety is synonymous with rigidity to a large extent.
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  So listen to that one if applicable and there's over a
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  hundred and something, maybe over a hundred and ten other
• 0:56
  subscriber episodes by now. So definitely subscribe.
• 0:59
  And if you like discussing these topics, you should also join my
• 1:03
  Facebook group which has a lot of All that like to discuss
• 1:05
  things like sex relationships, etc, etc.
• 1:09
  And just since I haven't set all this stuff in a while.
• 1:11
  If you need a therapist, check out best life Behavioral Health,
• 1:15
  which is my group practice with lots of therapists and coaches.
• 1:18
  And coaches can work everywhere, including a sex and intimacy,
• 1:21
  coach Heather, who's great, and a life coach, and a relationship
• 1:24
  coach. So there's lots of coaches and
• 1:26
  they can work anywhere because they don't have the state
• 1:28
  restrictions. All right.
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  So anyway, what are what do I mean by a man?
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  Not having an orgasm. As mm.
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  Well, that should be self-explanatory, but often
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  nothing, you know, who knows what self-explanatory really?
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  So what I mean is that you would have sex as the guy but you
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  don't finish and you don't come and what does this do?
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  Well, if you're anywhere on social media and you're a man,
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  you've probably heard about the term semen retention, which is,
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  you know, an old concept. You know that's been talked
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  about for, for years and years and like, tantric sex and all
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  sorts of stuff. There's the bulk I always
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  recommend the multi-orgasmic man which you could read that was
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  certainly from years ago, but now it has a new, you know, face
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  on it. And there's men all over Tick
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  Tock saying how great it is to not, you know, have an orgasm
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  because you feel like you have more energy and more drive and
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  higher libido and they say more to do you feel like you have
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  more testosterone? Listen, I don't know what
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  science backs, I assume science backs, none of it, but it common
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  sense and You know, and basically kind of understanding
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  how sex Works can help us realize that this could be a
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  very good idea for a lot of guys.
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  So, as you get older and some women think this only happens,
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  like when the guys like, you know, had almost dead, you know,
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  like in a 60s or 70s, that is erections would start to go
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  away, but that's not accurate at all.
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  Basically, in your 40s or 50s, a lot of men start getting
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  stopping getting morning, would, you know, and the quality of
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  their erections goes down. And they're just not as hard as
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  they used to be. And their libido just isn't what
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  it used to be. And if they're addicted to porn,
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  sometimes this can mask this because they're like jerking off
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  all the time with increasingly, you know, crazy kinds of scenes
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  that, you know, they have to look at, you know, it's not
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  going to be any more like just smelling a woman's perfume like
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  when you were, you know, a teenager but now you're looking
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  at, you know, group sex or whatever crazy shit.
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  And, you know, like like, He's insane scenes because you're
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  trying to get the same level of arousal that you used to get
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  just from looking at a pretty girl on the street.
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  And when guys cannot, you know, make peace with mortality, they
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  frequently turn to porn subconsciously because it fluffs
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  them up. So that they're like hard all
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  the time and ready to go, but they're not really.
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  They just are because they're like, you know, mainlining this
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  drug into their brain. But that that's, you know,
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  neither. Here nor there because I've had
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  enough podcast about porn. But the point is that once you
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  have an orgasm when you're in your, you know, I don't know.
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  Basically, the for let's say, let's say 40 S Plus right
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  midlife and up once you have an orgasm, your refractory period
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  is not what it used to be, you know, so you could have had
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  multiple, you know, sex multiple times in an encounter when you
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  were younger but now, you can't. And so if you want to have a
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  different kind of sex life, you just don't have.
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  Have an orgasm, you know, and it will be a lot different because
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  she will still have her orgasm. And of course, this can
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  completely change on its head. Her idea, your wife's potential
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  idea that you're only having sex for your own orgasm if you don't
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  have one, right? I mean, wouldn't you just like
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  to see her be wrong for once? But if you, if you do not allow
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  yourself to come, then you can go multiple times in an, in an
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  encounter and an evening. And And as much as women have
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  low sex drive, low sex drive, blah, blah, low, sex drive when
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  they're talking to me individually.
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  There are many women who don't really have low sex drive in as
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  much. You know, as they have
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  disappointment in the encounter that they don't really want a
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  verbalize because the man just, you know, isn't what it used to
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  be. In sure she isn't either but you
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  know, he's not as hard as he used to be.
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  It's not as exciting as it used to be.
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  He's not, you know, can go as many times in an evening as he
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  used to do. So, So given that, yes, she does
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  have a lower libido as she ages on with in monogamy, Etc.
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  It's just not as exciting, you know, because it's one and done
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  and if the quality of the erection isn't great and the
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  whole thing isn't really even that exciting and if they are
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  doing it multiple times a week, it's boring.
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  And the reason that it is is frequently because men
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  underestimate how much their own libido is dampened by age.
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  And so the men that try this and Is various ways to try this.
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  I mean, it's incredible increasingly.
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  I see men using male sex toys as the cock cage and things like
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  that BDSM type of things. So this goes along with BDSM
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  sometimes so it can be like denials, you're not allowed to
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  have an orgasm, would be what the couple was pretending.
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  No, you know, the woman would be in charge of whether or not
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  you're allowed to or the guy could just decide not to so that
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  he's ready to go the next day or the next morning.
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  A lot of guys, they think that They would be ready to go twice
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  a day or something, if their wife was up for it, but they're
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  not because time comes for us all.
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  And and they just wouldn't be. So if you are wanting to make
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  the sex more exciting or to artificially temporarily
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  heighten your libido, then you could choose not to get off in
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  every encounter and this could be fun because you, you the same
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  level of blue balls that you would have had when you were,
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  like, 18 years old is not even a thing.
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  Yeah, it's on. After ball.
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  But you know, what's more better than that?
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  You know, the discomfort is bad, but on the other side, like
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  watching your wife be really, really impressed that you have,
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  you know, a heightened arousal and heightened libido.
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  And you're like, you're really on your A game and your super
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  focused all these things I come from, you know, not getting off
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  and not, then just blah, being done and being ready to go in
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  the morning or what have you. So some, guys, and this, Of
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  course, you know, is really not relevant for guys who are in
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  totally sexless marriages, which is unfortunately, a large
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  percent of the people listening bought.
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  There are also a lot of people who listen, who have, you know,
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  pretty good sex lives and they have various other issues in
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  their marriage because they're human beings.
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  And they listen to me because they want to enhance and already
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  pretty good marriage. And in this case, you know, you
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  don't really know what your wife would do.
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  If you were just You know, in better in better spirits and and
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  readier to go and brighter eyed and bushy or tailed, which is
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  what a lot of men report when they don't ejaculate every time
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  and every encounter. So it could be something to try
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  now. You may say, well that sounds
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  great. I'm gonna like build up all my
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  energy and I'm going to build up and I'm gonna have a massive,
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  you know, Wonderful Life Changing orgasm at the end of
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  the week or after after not, after not getting off in various
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  encounters that it's going to build up, is going to be
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  Sniffles, shouldn't she share the same sort of joy as me?
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  Shouldn't I make her not have an orgasm.
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  Well, be careful there because because to two things, I mean,
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  if your wife is into BDSM and she likes to be a submissive,
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  then sure you could try this, you could try to deny her having
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  an orgasm, many men, reach out to me and say, oh my God you
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  know after I read your thing about that women secretly like
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  men to be more dominant. I tried it and holy You were
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  right and I'm like, yeah I know. Of course.
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  I was right. But but so if she likes to be
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  your submissive than short, try this, right?
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  And try to tell her she's a bad girl and she's not going to be
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  allowed to come cool. Try.
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  If she gets really mad, you know, like actually mad and I
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  like play Mad, like actually like really mad at you and says,
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  this is why I don't have sex with you.
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  This is why our marriage is shitty.
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  Well then just switch back and say, whoopsie, wrong direction,
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  you know, let's just pretend that didn't happen.
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  But there are some women that will, you know, get off, haha,
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  pun intended on that. Not actually get off, but get
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  off mentally. You see what I mean?
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  Then you wouldn't even know it unless you try it.
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  But the average woman, the best-case scenario for the
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  average couple, that's trying to spice.
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  Anything up, is for the man to be on like this hundred percent
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  a game. And for the woman to be the the
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  way, happy recipient of his increased energy and drive.
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  Like that's the best most logical most viable scenario
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  here because as I talk about all the time women have responsive
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  desire so the greater I guess that's the best way for you to
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  think about it, responsive desire.
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  So you would be artificially increasing your desire by not
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  ejaculating as much as you used to or skipping, you know
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  ejaculating, every so often in certain encounters then you are
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  Ali, heightening your libido on your drive for the next
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  Encounter of some guys on Tick Tock even say this actually
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  makes your penis bigger. I don't know if I believe that.
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  But anyway, all the guys do it, it seems to be real happy about
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  it and I see all this stuff because, you know, if you talk
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  about sex on Tick Tock, then on your for you page, they show you
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  everybody else. Talking about sex on Tick-Tock.
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  So this is why I see that this is now a thing and it's called
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  semen retention. Now, whatever the point is, is
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  that the best case scenario is for the Man to lead the
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  encounter by having a tremendously High Drive and
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  desire for her. And this, you know, super
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  elevated desire would then make the woman respond in kind and
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  the woman can get to have her orgasm and then she Associates
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  positive things with the encounter because she got to
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  have an orgasm at the end. Whereas, and I say this all the
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  time to men and some women that have only talked to assholes
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  because Cause that's who they pick because their childhood had
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  a bunch of assholes in it. You know, the drill, they don't
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  believe this but the majority of men, like, 90% of men.
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  If you say, who would you rather have the orgasm in the
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  encounter? You or your wife?
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  They say my wife and if it's an amazing orgasm, because like,
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  you're bringing your real a game because you're super focused.
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  Well, then shit. You feel like a rock star
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  because she got off and, you know, it was amazing for her,
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  which means she's going to want to do it again.
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  Listen, you already want to do it again?
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  You're a guy. So you get off, you want to do
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  you want to do it again tomorrow or the next day or whatever and
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  you don't get off? Well, then you're really want to
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  do it again tomorrow. But not so with her, if she
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  doesn't get off, if she doesn't get off, she's like, Fuck this
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  noise. I don't want to play ever again.
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  I'm taking my toys and going home, all sorts of puns
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  intended. So what the ideal thing would be
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  for her to have an amazing orgasm and in every encounter
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  and for you maybe not too. If you're getting to that stage
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  Are you thought? Hmm.
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  You know, I just some just it's kind of not how it used to be
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  here and I wonder I wonder if she's noticing whenever you have
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  that thought in bed about anything.
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  I wonder if she's noticing that I got a little soft.
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  Yes, yes she is, of course, she's noticing, she just doesn't
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  want to say anything so that these people have these
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  ridiculous like almost three stooges level, you know, comedy
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  routine done. For it's not funny to either of
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  them, but it's kind of funny. But, you know, as an outside,
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  you know. Looking in at the situation
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  where the guy is pretending, it's hard when he's not hard and
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  she's pretending. It's hard when he's not hard,
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  but everybody knows like The Emperor's New Clothes with the a
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  soft dick, you know? And the a soft dick is not a
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  funny situation when you're in it.
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  But it's like, it's like ridiculous and ludicrous.
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  So, if you ever are in that situation, by the way, what you
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  should actually do instead of continuing to try to penetrate
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  her with a soft penis is to say, hey, let's wait, let's see.
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  You know, let's wait a second and then You do something to her
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  in the interim, you know, manually orally Etc, but do not
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  continue that. I mean you could continue it for
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  the couple of seconds until you see if you get it back.
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  But otherwise yes, she knows she's aware.
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  It feels very different when it's soft and when it's hard but
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  that's an aside. Maybe that was the worth the
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  price of admission alone. Do not continue to think that
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  she does not recognize that you're soft.
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  If you're soft, it's much better to stop all together and do
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  something. Else.
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  So that you excite yourself again or she excites you
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  hopefully and then you can continue when you're hard or you
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  could just continue for her because she's not getting
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  anything out of you know that what when it's intercourse was
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  penetrative intercourse with a soft penis you know it's like
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  going to a movie with a blindfold on it's just like not
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  not going to work so so you don't do that.
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  But anyway the point is here just to sum up because we get to
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  the end of how long I'd talk for.
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  Or try. If you have noticed that, it
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  ain't what it used to be. And that if you're really honest
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  with yourself, your drive is not what it used to be.
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  You know, your mind even wanders a little bit during sex.
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  If you're being honest sometimes and she really kind of seems a
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  little bit bored then try to elevate your own drive by, you
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  know, not coming in every encounter which is something
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  that when people report to me, it actually works to make
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  something more exciting and The woman is actually fun and into
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  it and whatever. Then, you know, maybe she would
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  be the one to decide or if you're a woman listening, which
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  half my people listening always are, why don't you decide to say
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  that? Oh, let's do something fun.
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  You're not allowed to come until X day of the week, but we are
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  going to have sex every day. See how it goes.
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  See how long it lasts. If you're into it, he'll be into
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  it because you could be into anything.
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  You could be into, you know involving I don't even know.
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  Not like his his five best friends in the encounter while.
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  I mean, maybe you wouldn't be into that, maybe be really into
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  that, maybe it's far beyond, you know, and how into that he would
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  be. But anyway, guys are really into
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  kind of many things that women are into just because they're
• 15:51
  excited to see the woman excited about something and so this is a
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  good one to bring up if you have noticed that he doesn't have the
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  refractory period that he used to and remember about 20% of
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  women and about 30% of women, I See are in the situation where
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  the higher libido partner, and I say, this all the time and 24
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  people in this situation if the woman is the higher libido
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  partner. So so people will say to me,
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  girls, women will say to me, I want to come every day.
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  I want to have sex every day, but he can only do it like twice
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  a week. So I said, why does he have to
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  get off every time though? They said, what do you mean?
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  Well, I mean, well, they don't even think about it because it's
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  just so, so, Expected Saudi rigueur.
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  That the man is going to come. But why does he have to?
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  Then he could have sex every day if he was, if he could, he would
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  want to, you know, he may be can only come twice a week because
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  that's what his body can do. But he can still have sex on the
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  other days and that would be pretty exciting.
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  And then maybe, you know, maybe he would decide that he wanted
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  to do it more and more, you never know what's going to catch
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  some of these fancy. So there's two different ways to
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  look at this one, is the BDSM denial.
• 17:04
  Spect, which you could or could not incorporate.
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  I get so many requests to talk more about BDSM type of stuff.
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  But again, usually, I'm trying to go Baseline, but, you know,
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  this is, this is a wrinkle, you could add in the BDSM component
• 17:19
  to it denial, edging that kind of thing, or it could literally
• 17:23
  just be pragmatic to increase, you know, how much the guy wants
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  to do it and to make him feel like he's a little bit younger
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  and more, you know, more on his His foot on his a game and more
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  more focused as guys are, if they cannot ejaculate right
• 17:41
  after they ejaculate, it's like they're the calmest ever,
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  they're not focused, they don't want to have sex.
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  Remember, I did that whole post or podcast or whatever about
• 17:49
  your refractory period can help you empathize with your wife.
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  I think it was a podcast where I said, listen of course you know
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  when like how your wife feels when she has zero desire until
• 17:59
  you feel right after you come, your refractory period is
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  exactly what your wife feels like.
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  All the So don't pretend that you can understand what she
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  feels like. So in this case, I'm saying,
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  eliminate the refractory period and try.
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  So even if you nobody that even thinks anything about BDSM or
• 18:14
  power or Kink, or anything like that, you could try it for the
• 18:17
  hell of it as something fun. All right.
• 18:19
  Well, hope this was useful. All anything I say that ever
• 18:23
  meant mentions a penis at all gets lots and lots of listens
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  because people are just very curious about penises, it seems
• 18:33
  and I hope this was useful. Useful and interesting and I'll
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  talk to you soon. Bye.
• 18:36
  Bye guys.