Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 155: Emotional Hygiene for Empaths & Highly Sensitive People: Why it Matters More Than You Think
Transcript
- 0:21Well, hello and welcome back.
- 0:23Have you ever felt completely drained after spending time with certain people?
- 0:27Like maybe you absorbed every single ounce of their stress, their sadness, or their frustration?
- 0:33or maybe you've noticed you're feeling really exhausted and anxious lately, or really not eating well?
- 0:39Maybe you've also noticed that when you're feeling this way, it's a lot harder for you to set boundaries or to stay centered in your own energy and protect your own self.
- 0:48If so, then here is a hard truth is if you don't take care of yourself, your energy will attempt to take care of you by shutting you down and forcing you to rest.
- 1:00This means that you basically have two choices.
- 1:02First, you can slow down and take care of yourself now, or you can ignore your own needs until your body forces you to stop.
- 1:10Empaths and highly sensitive people it's really interesting because you might start to notice now that I've pointed out to you, that you'll get a sense that you're going to become sick before you even get sick.
- 1:21I confessed that one time.
- 1:22I honestly wondered if I was the one personally responsible for the Global Pandemic because I was.
- 1:28So burned out and in need of rest.
- 1:29I thought, oh no.
- 1:30What have I done?
- 1:31Now, I've brought this on myself and the whole world.
- 1:34So today I'm gonna be sending out a wake up call to all empaths and highly sensitive people that your personal wellbeing is not optional.
- 1:43And when you neglect your own self-care, your diet, your sleep, your movement, your boundaries, you don't just suffer physically, but you also suffer energetically.
- 1:52You are already a sponge for everybody's energy around you.
- 1:56But when you are the one feeling weak, depleted, or burned out, you become even more vulnerable to absorbing everyone else's emotions, making it nearly impossible to remain grounded and feel clear and energized.
- 2:08But here's the good news is because you are so sensitive, when you do start to take care of yourself, you're going to have a lot faster turnaround than a lot of people.
- 2:18You're going to feel the effects of those changes really quickly, possibly even faster than the rest of the population.
- 2:25This means that not only are you more sensitive to feeling drained, but you're also more sensitive to joy.
- 2:32You're sensitive to rest and you're sensitive to the rejuvenation that comes when you do start to give yourself that nourishment and take care of what it is that you need.
- 2:42You can restore your energy, regain your emotional balance, and feel more like yourself again.
- 2:46And that's exactly what we're gonna be talking about today.
- 2:49Today we're gonna be talking about why self-care is non-negotiable for empaths and highly sensitive people.
- 2:54And yes, you heard me, self-care is non-negotiable.
- 2:57I know that when you feel other people's feeling so deeply, you want to prioritize them, right?
- 3:01It's like, oh, I feel it so big, so this is a big deal and I need to prioritize that.
- 3:06But your own self-care is non-negotiable.
- 3:10We're also going to be talking about how your sensitivity is a gift, especially when you nurture it properly, and I'm gonna be sharing with you 10 self-care tips to help you to keep your energy strong and protected.
- 3:21So if you are a helper, a healer, an empath, a highly sensitive person, however it is that you identify for whatever reason that you came to this podcast, if you were someone who tends to give everything to others, but really struggles to prioritize yourself, then this is the episode for you.
- 3:37So first of all, why is self-care a non-negotiable for empaths and highly sensitive people?
- 3:42I mean, everybody needs self-care, right?
- 3:45But for empaths and highly sensitive people, it truly is a lifeline.
- 3:48When your energy is depleted, you don't just feel physically tired, but you feel everything that much more intensely.
- 3:57So these little stressors that would usually just be a little bit of a nuisance for you when you've neglected yourself for so long, they can feel extremely overwhelming.
- 4:07For example, other people's emotions, they might hit you like a ton of bricks or your ability to set and maintain boundaries might completely go out the window.
- 4:15Maybe you're unable to do things for yourself anymore.
- 4:19Certain people in your circles, they might become a little bit more aggravating and annoying for you.
- 4:24So I want you to think for a moment about a time when you were experiencing these things really intensely.
- 4:29What was that experience like for you?
- 4:31Maybe it was harder for you to say no, or state a boundary because you felt other people's emotions and their needs and wants so intensely.
- 4:38Maybe you noticed that your anxiety spikes were even more significant.
- 4:42Maybe you noticed that you were even more sensitive to caffeine and sugar, and you'd have big highs and lows with that.
- 4:48Notice how maybe a lack of sleep might make you feel really raw, unprotected, and exposed.
- 4:54This happens because your nervous system is wired just a little bit differently from other people.
- 4:59This means that what might seem like a minor issue for somebody else, like one poor night's sleep, or maybe one processed meal, it might seem like a really small thing, but for you, when you're feeling depleted, it could completely throw you off and you might be really confused about what just happened.
- 5:15That shouldn't be that big of a deal.
- 5:17It was just one night.
- 5:18It was just one meal.
- 5:19But when you've been depleted for so long, you're just more sensitive to everything.
- 5:24But I also want to remind you that on the flip side, something that is just as powerful is that when you do take care of yourself, you will feel stronger, you will feel clearer, and you'll feel grounded faster than most people.
- 5:37the second thing I wanna touch on here is that your body will slow you down one way or the other, right?
- 5:42So you can either choose to slow things down and take care of yourself, or your body will compel you to slow down and force you to take care of yourself.
- 5:52Your body keeps the score.
- 5:54And it will always find ways to force you to rest if you keep neglecting your own needs.
- 5:59It's just a safety mechanism.
- 6:01You can't continue to run on empty, so your body will slow you down if you're trying to power through when you shouldn't.
- 6:08We have a lot of phrases that enter into our everyday vocabulary, so I want you to notice if these things are true for you.
- 6:14For example, maybe you're thinking, ah,"what a pain in the neck", and then you might notice that you literally have a pain in your neck.
- 6:21You might notice, oh,"there's really a lot on my shoulders right now", and that may result in upper back pain.
- 6:26Maybe you're thinking,"I feel like I'm bending over backwards" for everybody.
- 6:30That might result in true lower back pain.
- 6:33Maybe you feel like you're begging for scraps.
- 6:35In that case, you might feel like you have really achy knees or maybe a pain in your stomach.
- 6:41For me, there was a season where my back, it just went out.
- 6:43It quit.
- 6:44I was unable to walk for a while, and I was in excruciating pain.
- 6:48It really impacted me very significantly in a very physical way, and usually when that happens, you know, we might get those little energetic nudges that come ahead of time, which I did get, but didn't listen to where my body was saying, Hey, slow down a little bit, or, Hey, you're getting a little bit too tired here.
- 7:04Or, Hey, your body needs a little bit more nourishment here, or, this part of your body needs some strengthening.
- 7:09And because I didn't listen to those whispers, my body started to scream.
- 7:14And you might notice that for yourself too, that when you do not listen to the whispers of your body, your body will start to scream, and then at that point, you will no longer be able to ignore the messaging that it's giving you.
- 7:27So this might look like unexpected exhaustion that leaves you unable to function at all.
- 7:32Another common symptom is losing your voice.
- 7:34It's almost as if your body is saying, well, what?
- 7:37You weren't listening to me anyway, so what's the point?
- 7:39Why do you need a voice?
- 7:40And it can be really different and manifest differently for different people.
- 7:44But as you become more familiar with your own personal symptoms, it will allow you the ability to intervene as needed and give yourself that self-care so it doesn't lead to more significant problems in your physical body.
- 7:57Okay.
- 7:58A few more symptoms that you might be experiencing is feeling like you just can't do regular things anymore.
- 8:03Maybe you notice that you have more anxiety, especially social anxiety, maybe sounds just seem louder.
- 8:09Smells smell stronger, the lights are brighter, and everything just feels more intense and not necessarily in a good way.
- 8:17So instead of waiting for the burnout to just knock you off of your feet, I wanna share with you 10 ways that you can take care of yourself now so that you can stay more balanced, energized, and emotionally resilient.
- 8:27Now, before I jump into all of these, I wanna just remind you, just kind of listen to these and pick just one or two that really resonate with you.
- 8:34Okay?
- 8:34You don't need to remember all 10, but just pick out one or two that resonate with you and incorporate them into your day and see if it makes a difference for you.
- 8:42This is all about setting that intention to just do a little bit more for self every day.
- 8:47It's about taking a little bit of time to turn inward every now and then and say, okay, what is it that I need right now so that I can better maintain myself and continue to show up in the way that I would like to for other people as well.
- 9:00Okay, so here's my top 10.
- 9:01Are you ready?
- 9:03All right.
- 9:03Number one is eat high vibrational foods.
- 9:07Food is energy.
- 9:08So I want you to really notice what it is that you're putting into your body.
- 9:11Make sure that you're putting in things that will really make you feel good.
- 9:15So yeah, that chocolate cake, it might taste really good in the moment, but maybe an hour or so later you're not feeling so hot.
- 9:23And additionally, maybe like a few peanut m and m.
- 9:26Those are kinda my favorite are the peanut butter m and ms.
- 9:28Oh my goodness, they're so good.
- 9:29So maybe a few.
- 9:30Peanut butter m and ms are really great for you in the moment, but eating the whole bag is going to actually be counterproductive for you and make you feel pretty awful.
- 9:40And so just kind of notice what is going to strengthen my energy and what is weakening my energy over time and be conscientious of that.
- 9:48Ask yourself, what is going to give me that sustained energy?
- 9:52What could I do to increase the vibration of this snack or of this meal just a little bit.
- 9:58So maybe it's adding in a salad to your meal or having an apple with your snack.
- 10:03Maybe it's adjusting the portions in your meal, but pick one little thing that you could do to increase the vibration of your next meal.
- 10:11Intentionally asking yourself these questions.
- 10:14It turns on the higher mind, it turns on the prefrontal cortex, and it pushes our higher mind to make better decisions for us.
- 10:22When we're feeling stressed, our primitive mind is what is running the show.
- 10:26Our primitive mind is going to want whatever's gonna make it feel good in the immediate moment.
- 10:31That's when you're gonna find yourself binging on those peanut butter m and ms, right?
- 10:35That is the primitive mind running the show, but it's not going to create that long-term health and vitality.
- 10:40Yes, you might get an immediate dopamine hit, but overall you're not going to be feeling very good.
- 10:46Your primitive mind is going to want to reach for those lower vibrational foods.
- 10:49It's going to want to hit the easy button.
- 10:52It's going to want a quick dopamine hit rather than sustained health and vitality.
- 10:57It wants to seek out convenience over what is actually good for you, so be very intentional about"how is it that I wanna fuel my body today?" And really think about it and notice how it is that you feel after eating different foods.
- 11:10A lot of highly sensitive people are also highly sensitive to foods, so see if you can slow down your eating enough to really notice how do I feel when I'm partaking of this food?
- 11:20And also notice your own mental clarity around this, your own emotional stability.
- 11:25See how these different things might be impacting your health and wellness.
- 11:28All right, number two, stay hydrated.
- 11:31This is such a big one you guys.
- 11:32I know it sounds super basic, but if you want your emotions to flow, if you want to be able to flush out things that are no longer serving you, you must drink water.
- 11:43You must remain hydrated.
- 11:45This doesn't only help your physical body, but it helps your energetic body as well and your emotional body.
- 11:51When one of my children went to see the cardiologist, they were looking at her heart and the doctor actually stopped and said, have you been feeling anxious lately?
- 11:59And my daughter admitted that,"well, yeah, I have actually been feeling anxious lately," and I didn't know how we could possibly know that by looking at her heart.
- 12:06But then we were informed that, oh, it's because she's under- hydrated, and I said, under hydrated, do you mean dehydrated?
- 12:13They said, no, no, no.
- 12:14She's just under hydrated, which is different from dehydration.
- 12:18She's not quite dehydrated, but she's under hydrated, and when the body is under hydrated, then the heart has to work a lot harder, and that can lead to a racing heart, which can also cause anxiety.
- 12:30And they said, I think you're gonna notice as you drink more water, you're going to feel less anxious.
- 12:36Now, I'm not saying that drinking water is going to be the cure for everyone's anxiety, but it can't hurt and it might help, right?
- 12:43So if you find yourself feeling particularly anxious, take some time to hydrate yourself and see if it helps.
- 12:50All right.
- 12:50Number three, prioritize sleep.
- 12:53Sleep is so important, especially for this audience.
- 12:57I know that for myself, when I get tired, I don't just get sleepy or a little bit foggy brained, but I get physically ill.
- 13:04I get tired stomach aches, I get tired headaches.
- 13:08Sometimes I start to wonder if I'm getting sick and I have to remind myself, no, this is just because you've pushed yourself a little bit too hard, and this is the fatigue telling you to slow down so that you don't get sick.
- 13:19Right.
- 13:19And I have learned over the years that if I do power through, I do get sick.
- 13:24But if I notice those first symptoms and I take the time to rest, if I take the time to nourish self, then I don't get sick like I would otherwise.
- 13:33A lack of sleep can also make you more emotionally reactive, and we don't want to be emotionally reactive.
- 13:39We want to be active in our emotions and be mindful of them and process our emotions actively.
- 13:45But we don't want to get to the point where we are reacting emotionally to our own experience or to the experiences of others.
- 13:51That's when we're starting to slide into emotional immaturity, right?
- 13:54Our prefrontal cortex is offline.
- 13:56We're reacting instead of acting.
- 13:58So if you notice that, get some sleep and figure out how much sleep it is that you need.
- 14:03I find a lot of my audience, we just need a little bit more sleep.
- 14:06For me personally, I find about nine hours of sleep is kind of the sweet spot for me.
- 14:10Other people require more, other people require less, but figure out what it is that your body needs.
- 14:17And trust it.
- 14:18Not everyone is going to need the same amount of sleep, so figure out what it is that you need and trust it.
- 14:24All right.
- 14:24Tip number four, move your body daily.
- 14:27Exercise isn't just about fitness.
- 14:29It's about clearing out that stuck energy.
- 14:32So go for a run, do some yoga, spend some time in nature, just move your body.
- 14:38For me, when I'm feeling especially stuck emotionally, I'll jump on my vibration plate and it kind of helps me to flush out those trapped emotions.
- 14:45And it also helps me to flush out that lymphatic system.
- 14:48I just feel so much better after I've created a little bit of movement, right?
- 14:51So even if I'm feeling too tired to do a workout, or too tired to be out and about, I can just spend a few minutes on my vibration plate and it makes a huge difference.
- 15:00So whatever your personal level of movement is right now, I encourage you to just increase it by 10 minutes a day.
- 15:06Take a walk on your lunch break, stretch in between your clients.
- 15:10Find some way to add just a little bit more movement into your day, because movement is amazing when it comes to resetting your energy.
- 15:18All right, number six, set emotional and energetic boundaries.
- 15:23So first, let's address the emotional boundaries.
- 15:26Emotional boundaries is really knowing the limits that you have on your own time and your own energy.
- 15:32It's practicing telling people, Hey, I'm sorry.
- 15:34I have another obligation during that time.
- 15:37They don't need to know that your other obligation is that you desperately need a nap.
- 15:42Okay?
- 15:42They don't need to know that.
- 15:43You can just tell'em you have another obligation.
- 15:45Honor your own energy levels.
- 15:48As for energetic boundaries, I'll put a link in the show notes to my episode on Energetic Boundaries.
- 15:53It is hands down the most popular episode here on the podcast with about three times the downloads of any other episode, so go and check that episode out.
- 16:00I have several helps for you in that episode, but today I'm just gonna share with you my favorite tip for setting energetic boundaries.
- 16:07I know I share this one all the time, but I love it and everybody tends to need a reminder.
- 16:11And so my favorite tip is just imagining that my aura is a one-way mirror.
- 16:16This allows me to see other people clearly, but if they're projecting out an emotion or a belief onto me, then it just kind of reflects back to them so that they can digest that so that they can learn how to navigate that.
- 16:29Sometimes we think it's the kind thing to do to over own someone else's experience because we believe that they need us to fix it.
- 16:37But when we do this, when we're over owning someone else's experience, then oftentimes we're actually robbing them of having the experience that they need so that they can learn how to navigate things on their own, which means we're essentially limiting their personal growth.
- 16:51So I just wanna remind you, it is okay to reflect back to them, Hey, that sounds really hard.
- 16:57How do you think might be the best way to navigate this?
- 16:59You can just reflect that back to them.
- 17:00And this can be done either verbally or just energetically, but it's essentially just returning it back to them with love and a belief that they can navigate it.
- 17:09And so maybe in your heart, you're just telling them,"Hey, I get it.
- 17:12You're having a really hard time with this right now.
- 17:14I love you and I trust that you're going to learn how to navigate this.
- 17:18You're stronger than you think." Another thought on boundaries is notice if there are people, spaces, or places that drain you more than others so that you can energetically prepare yourself before going into those spaces.
- 17:31Maybe this is with the one way aura mirror, right?
- 17:34And so just kind of notice, okay, do I need to prepare a little bit more before going into this space?
- 17:39For example, many empaths and highly sensitive people, they struggle with thrift stores.
- 17:44This is mostly because there are so many energies in there, right?
- 17:47There's not only the energies of all of the people that are in there shopping, but there's also the energies of thousands of discarded items, which can be a lot of weight for empaths and highly sensitive people to know how to navigate.
- 18:00But knowing that it can be a challenge, it doesn't mean that you have to avoid thrift stores altogether.
- 18:06But remember that as you work to maintain yourself, as you work on your own self-care and maintain your own personal energy, it's going to make it a lot easier for you to go into those spaces without being drained.
- 18:18It's gonna make it a lot easier to go into those conversations without being drained.
- 18:23For me now, when I go thrifting, I am not only just emotionally okay, but I'm actually super excited about all of the amazing things that I can find for such an amazing deal in there.
- 18:33And so just notice for yourself, okay, this is just about shifting the energy as I take care of me.
- 18:38It is so much more empowering and I can go and do all of the things that I'd like to do.
- 18:43All right.
- 18:44Tip number eight, practice breath work and meditation.
- 18:48Again, just start with 10 minutes a day and see how things shift for you.
- 18:51With breath work, take a little bit of time to really come into your body.
- 18:55Breath work is amazing for coming into the body.
- 18:58You're noticing and observing the breath.
- 19:00You're being consistent with it.
- 19:01It's really hard to do breath work and allow your mind to wander because you're really kind of in it, right?
- 19:07And so maybe you want to take that time when you're doing your breath work to essentially call your energy back.
- 19:13Empathic energy, it tends to wander.
- 19:16It tends to reach out and check in on everybody.
- 19:18I will absolutely be doing an episode on what empathic energy looks like and how to call it back.
- 19:24So make sure that you're subscribed here to the podcast if you're interested in that.
- 19:27But when you find yourself feeling depleted, it can be incredibly powerful to just take a moment to tune into your body and call your energy back to you, and just notice how that feels for you.
- 19:39Notice any sensations that are coming up in your body and just be fully present in your own body.
- 19:46It will help you to bring all of your energy back to you.
- 19:49Now with mindfulness and meditation, this is really powerful because it can help you to be in the present moment, and it can also help you to determine what is the most important thing right now?
- 20:00It can help you to prioritize your focus and your intention for the day.
- 20:04So during your meditation, try asking your higher self, what is the most important thing for me to be doing right now?
- 20:11Where should my focus be?
- 20:13What is holding me back from being my best self?
- 20:17What small thing can I do today to better my mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual self?
- 20:24Taking the time to really meditate can be an amazing opportunity for you to prioritize what it is that you really want and need in that moment, and help you to live more in accordance with your true value system.
- 20:36So take that time to call your energy back to you and then focus on what is the most important thing for right now.
- 20:43And maybe as you have been listening, then you've already been getting ideas about what's the most important thing that you can do right now for you.
- 20:49Maybe you want to start meal prepping so that you can have high vibrational foods on demand.
- 20:53Maybe you want to catch up with an old friend that always lights you up.
- 20:57Maybe you want to intentionally spend some time in nature alone.
- 21:00Just ask yourself, what is it that I need right now?
- 21:03And if you aren't sure what it is that you need right now, meditate on it for 10 minutes and see what it is that your body has to tell you.
- 21:11You are a magnifier.
- 21:13This means that when you are experiencing someone else's emotions, it can feel magnified and really loud.
- 21:20When you're feeling your own emotions, it's easy to magnify your own emotions as well and make it so loud that it's hard to see anything outside of you.
- 21:28Guess what?
- 21:29Not only are you magnifying the negative emotions, but you also have the ability to magnify your joy.
- 21:36That's that thermostat energy that we've talked about here on the podcast.
- 21:39Before you get to set the tone for the space, you get to determine the frequency of the spaces that you go into.
- 21:46You get to bring in your energy and magnify it to the whole space.
- 21:52You can tap into that joy and people will feel it when you walk into a room.
- 21:57It can really shift not only your energy, but the energy of the people and the places around you as well.
- 22:03It's really a beautiful thing.
- 22:04So ask yourself, what is one thing that would really bring me joy right now?
- 22:09And asking yourself, what is one thing that would bring me joy right now is such a different question than how can I make the pain stop?
- 22:16Isn't it?
- 22:17It is such a different question.
- 22:20I know that sometimes, especially if somebody that I'm working with is trying to numb their emotions, they might find themselves turning to things like YouTube or social media.
- 22:28They're trying to do something to numb out their emotions, and this does serve a purpose for a lot of people, so I'm not gonna shame anybody for that, but it's a very different experience when you can get to the point where rather than intentionally numbing out, you're able to intentionally seek out something that brings you joy.
- 22:44It can be so empowering.
- 22:47For me right now, I find joy in watching all the little spring flowers coming up in my yard.
- 22:51It is spring here.
- 22:52This is our first spring in our new home, and I don't really know what all is planted here yet, so it's been a lot of fun for me to just wander the yard and see what's poking its cute little head up.
- 23:03It brings me so much joy.
- 23:05I also thoroughly enjoy music.
- 23:07I have started piano lessons at 44 years old, and it has been so much fun.
- 23:11I'm loving it.
- 23:12I also enjoy singing and playing the ukulele, or even just dancing in my kitchen.
- 23:16It brings me a lot of joy and it raises my personal vibration.
- 23:20It helps me to feel stronger and more resilient.
- 23:22When I do those things.
- 23:24So think about something that brings you joy and incorporate that into your day-to-day life.
- 23:28Again, just 10 minutes a day can make a significant difference in how you feel.
- 23:33All right.
- 23:33And number 10, listen to your body.
- 23:36Your body is trying to speak to you.
- 23:39It is trying to give you information, so take the time to listen.
- 23:44Notice that sometimes we as humans, we tend to turn the volume down on our own needs and we turn the volume up on other people's needs.
- 23:53So I want you to look at your dials, okay?
- 23:54Imagine those volume dials right in front of you, and tune in with yourself to see where your own personal volume dial is at, and see if you can adjust your dials to make them at least the same volume.
- 24:07Your needs are at least as valid as the next persons and so adjust those dials accordingly.
- 24:13It'll make a huge difference in how it is that you feel.
- 24:17When you tune into your body and ask it what it needs, you can prevent a lot of stress.
- 24:21You can prevent a lot of pain.
- 24:23You can prevent a lot of injuries.
- 24:25You can prevent a lot of illness simply by taking that time to tune into your body and ask what it is that it needs.
- 24:32So your challenge for this week is to pick one self-care, practice, and implement it.
- 24:37Maybe this means drinking more water.
- 24:39Maybe it means going to bed earlier.
- 24:40Maybe it means saying no to something that's draining you, or maybe it's intentionally saying yes to something that brings you joy.
- 24:47Whatever it is, prioritize your own wellbeing this week.
- 24:51You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you'll be better able to love and serve those around you when you take that time to care for yourself.
- 24:59If you are an empath or a highly sensitive person who is ready to break free of burnout, if you want to start feeling more energized, more clear, and feel stronger in your boundaries, both physically and energetically, let's work together.
- 25:12My coaching is designed to help you specifically to create a life that feels really, really good without the overwhelm.
- 25:20So if you're interested in coaching with me, check out the show notes.
- 25:22I have a link in there where you can come and have a free consultation call with me.
- 25:26This is just 20 minutes where I can answer any questions that you have.
- 25:29We can get a feel for each other, or I can just coach you for free for 20 minutes.
- 25:33There is zero obligation.
- 25:35It's completely free.
- 25:36So check out the show notes and come and sign up for that free consultation call.
- 25:40Thank you so much for being here.
- 25:42Take care of you, will you.
- 25:44You are somebody who is worthy of all of the goodness that this life has to offer.
- 25:48All right, I hope you have a great week, and let's talk soon.
- 25:50Bye now.