Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 293. Feeling Stuck After Divorce — Nervous System Patterns That Leave You Scattered and Unsafe

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293. Feeling Stuck After Divorce — Nervous System Patterns That Leave You Scattered and Unsafe · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: There are three things we see stop divorced women dead in their tracks every single time.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: A difficulty trusting, disassociation, and victim energy.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: Not trust like I don't trust men, trust like I don't trust myself to handle life.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: And not victimhood like weakness, but the quiet, exhausted nervous system collapse that makes your body say, I can't do this.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: What looks like self-pity is actually life force depletion so deep your mind creates a story to survive it.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: What looks like stuckness is really a blocked energetic current you've never been taught to work with.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: And today we are naming the thing under the thing so you can rise.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, love.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorcee.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: In today's episode, we are going to unpack three of the deepest challenges we see women face.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: And this is really just a teaser for what we're gonna really deep dive after the first of the year.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: We are going to do a six-week series on these three things.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: So you can expect way, way, way more content from us around these issues because these are the things that we see being the core issues that have to be treated during a divorce phase of your life.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: Otherwise, you are go you are destined to repeat the same relationship mistakes in future partners with your children and future generations.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: So the first thing you don't have a trust problem, you have a dysregulation problem that ends up looking like a trust problem.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because trust is more than a belief.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's actually a regulated state.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: A dysregulated nervous system cannot trust.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: Not itself, not God, not the universe, not its future, not the process of healing.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: Because when you're stuck in fight or flight, trust feels unsafe.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: When you're in freeze, trust feels impossible.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: When you're depleted, trust feels delusional.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: So your body is trying to protect you.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: And we have to help you improve your capacity so that you can trust.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: The second thing we're gonna unpack for you is that victim energy, that tendency towards self-pity, that I can't, this isn't fair, it's too hard.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: He should, I should, they should have, should have, should have, should have.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's not an attitude problem.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: It really looks like that.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: It takes on the story of that, but it's really a nervous system collapse.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: Victimhood is what happens when your capacity drops below your emotional load.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: And the third thing we're gonna talk about that doesn't get a lot of traction on the podcast, which is a problem because it's one of the key things you're struggling with, which is disassociation.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: And disassociation is your body's last ditch attempt to save you from the pain you're experiencing and from the collapse you're working through.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a personality tree, it's what happens when your system lacks the capacity to stay present.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: Disassociation is depleted energy, an overwhelmed system.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: And high-functioning disassociation looks like I'm pretending I'm fine.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: And so there's this urge to distance yourself or remove yourself from feeling certain things.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so when we add disassociation, collapse, you know, it ends up looking like I have trust issues and this isn't fair.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_03: But there is so much going on beneath the surface that has to be recalibrated and repaired in order to get you into really even a healing phase.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: So help me welcome Tiffer Doodle and producer joy so that we can talk about all of these things that we're gonna invite you to do alongside or with us.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: Good morning, ladies.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Good morning.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: How excited are you to talk about these things, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we've talked about so many of these issues from the surface, but now we are like digging under.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: And it's, I don't know.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think these are the things we're so freaking passionate about over here.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was the dissociation queen, so I get very fired up about it.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: That was my whole personality.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: You were the victim queen.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so we represent all three of the things here, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome, awesome.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: We it's a case of if you can spot it in other people, you've got it, right?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: We we could teach it because we lived it and we walked out of it and we're doing it differently.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: So the girls, I invented that.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: I invented that.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's right, that's right.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: You're not gonna sneak it past me.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: So the first thing we're gonna talk about is trust as a regulation issue, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: That that in order to be able to trust, you have to be able to have a felt sense of safety.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um, this idea that our body isn't refusing to trust, it's really trying to protect us from further pain.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: And so let's dig into the idea of trust is not just a belief, right?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think we talk a lot about, and I think that the internet and spiritual gurus talk a lot about you have to take a leap of faith.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: The law of attraction is like, you know, you can't um you can't manifest something if you're not a vibrational match.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: And so then we try to bypass the pain what we're in to like tip up on the vibrational scale to act as though we're happy, joyous, and free when we're not, because we don't feel safe.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: We use all these tools to bypass the pain that we're in without actually transmuting it or um shifting it, unburdening ourselves from it, and then our manifestation isn't working, and we keep getting the same results over and over again.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: So let's talk about how, you know, when we see women really struggle to trust themselves, a healing process, um, that they're getting better, right?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: They don't know.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Am I getting better?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: Am I making the same like is this anxiety?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: Is it intuition?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: I don't freaking know that that trust is really a lack of capacity, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's a lack of a support system, it's a lack of a regulated state, it's a lack of a felt sense of safety in my body.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so then I do fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like I shut down, I internalize, I put up walls, I do all these things.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: Talk about what you've seen in yourselves, in the women we work with, where trust is really actually a capacity issue.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's an energy block, it's a depletion, it's a collapse of the nerve system.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: From an IFS perspective, there's so many parts that come forward that are preventing you from being vulnerable to be able to even trust to say things out loud to other people.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we deal with a lot of women who have image managers, you know, they always made their marriage look perfect.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: They were the Instagram family.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: To be able to tell somebody, like, I'm struggling, and he did this or I did this, you know, those parts are gonna keep you locked up tight.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's perfectionist parts, there's people pleaser parts.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So all of these managers come forward where it's so impossible to be vulnerable with other people.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it was the image manager.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I've said this before, like nobody knew my marriage was falling apart except my mom and my best friend.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: So when I left the marriage, everyone was completely shocked.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like a fraud.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I felt like other people were gonna see me as a fraud.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so then I had to go from basically acting like I was okay because I chose this, like I chose my divorce.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to act like everything was okay and that this was what I wanted.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt a lot of times like I wasn't allowed to have a bad day or tell people that I was struggling.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I've struggled with vulnerability almost my entire life.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never wanted people to see what was under the surface.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would tell them really serious shit about what was going on with me, but it was a script, it was very performative, but it was like the thing under the thing to actually reach out to somebody and say, I'm really struggling.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like that never happened with me.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I never felt safe enough in the circles I ran with to be myself.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a really deep wake-up call for me when I literally felt like I had no one on the friend scene that I could literally say, My marriage is falling apart, and I have no idea how to help it.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: I would guess that most the three of us and our listeners, right?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: I would guess most women we know have never really had trust in the way we conceptualize it today, right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: They've never been able to trust themselves or their creator or people or to let their guard down.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: Like because trust comes from self-energy, from a um flexible nervous system, from a felt sense of safety.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: I would guess most of us who come from dissociative backgrounds who have had some level of complex trauma really don't know what it feels like to trust or to know what is trustworthy or how to discern what is worth your trust.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think that speaks to the the victim a little bit because I'm pretty vocal about how I believe women are conditioned and like groomed, I guess would be a little hot topic word, but like in order to you know behave a certain way, XYZ, and like through Disney princesses being the rescued the white with the white knight, or in the religious space of you know, keep your head down and your mouth shut and you will have a loving husband who da da da right, right, right.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so like I I think that women, a lot of women, I'm not saying every woman, but I a lot of women are told if you do this, this, and this, you will receive the white picket fence, the Instagram house, and the da da da.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not it's not true.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not true, a fantasy, right?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's a Disney storyline that has been sold to us since babies.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so it, but I did I did what I was supposed to do.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was a good wife, I did the cooking and I raised the children, and I I was the Reba McIntyre son, you know, like um, I I don't I don't think that that is fair, and so then you it goes into the but I did I'm the victim here.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't like Tiffany, you chose, like I didn't choose mine, and so I was XYZ and he still left, you know, like he still wasn't cap capable capacity-wise to love me well or whatever the bullshit Prince Charming, you know.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that there's a victim that intersects with the dissociation because it's earned.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was a good girl, I should have gotten what I was promised, you know.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're like all three of these things absolutely intersect with each other, right?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_03: We've dissociated from our childhood pain, we've not dealt with it, and so there is a depletion of vital force there because we can see disassociation on an MRI scan of the brain.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: We can see that the brain starts to literally compartmentalize things, which causes a depletion in our vital force, right?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: There is a literal energetic block because we blocked off areas of pain, right?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: There's a burden that is still being carried at the neurobiological level.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: We are carrying the burdens of our childhood pain that never got reconciled, never got sorted, never got unburdened, never got transmuted, however you want to call it, right?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: So we go into adulthood and marriage carrying certain burdens.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: We pick partners that are not trustworthy because we cannot trust ourselves because we are carrying these burdens and we have cordoned off walls in our right, we've blocked our intuition.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: Once we've blocked off our capacity to feel, we've blocked off our intuition.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: We pick partners where we repeat those same subconsciously childhood patterns.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: Now we've added to the burdens.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: Now we've added to the sense that we can't trust to be in our own bodies, to feel our own feelings, to be human.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: We have to be like Tesla robots to an extent, right?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: We have to hustle and grind.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: We have to um, you know, we've responded to all the gaslighting, all of the, you know, nope, we just have to push through, we just have to do it all, we just have to compensate for the people around us who, you know, don't really see us or value us.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so now we've disassociation becomes a way of life, and most people do not realize it.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I wonder if that's why that topic doesn't tend to get a lot of traction on the podcast, but we're here to change that, right?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: Not being able to trust just becomes a background program that is running all the time and we don't realize it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Not being able to trust our bodies.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: I think we've been absolutely groomed by so many people to not be able to trust our bodies, right?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like we shouldn't have wrinkles, we shouldn't have symptoms, we should like all the things that our bodies were designed to do, there's a pill out there to like make it go away when actually like this is how we to be in relationship with our bodies.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: So disassociation, not trusting our own bodies, not trusting our own emotions, not trusting our own intuition, completely divorced from self before we ever got divorced.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: And now here we're like all the way downstream getting divorced, you know, whether you're Tiffany and I, and we to a certain extent chose to get divorced or Joy, and you didn't choose to have your whole shit break down and be quote unquote left, right?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: And now, yeah, we feel like victims because now we're all the way downstream.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: But what's actually happened is there are so many energy blocks.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: Our nervous system is literally so fried, our adrenals are depleted, there are no storehouses in our hormonal channels, right?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Our HPA access is fried, we're dissociated, we can't trust ourselves, we're literally exhausted, depleted, collapsed.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: And it ends up coming out like this isn't fair.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_03: I can't.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it ends up coming out like I can't trust.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know who to follow at this point.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: There is so much noise on the internet, so much noise in the healing world.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if this thing that, you know, they talk about on Deer Divorce Diary is total, utter woo-woo bullshit, or if it's actually the path.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: And all three of these issues just reinforce each other and keep women lost and stuck.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: I love the line that says, like, victimhood is what happens when your capacity drops below your emotional load.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and knowing that and understanding that has changed how I see the world.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's changed how I see myself.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: This is a really important piece.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's changed how I see myself, it's changed how I see the two of you, it's changed how I see our husbands, our families, our children, the world around us, our listeners, the women in our program.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because when we see behavior patterns that are like so frustrating, whether it's inside of me or inside of you, I now understand that that behavior pattern is actually blocked energy.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: And once you can identify where the block is or where the energy leak is, and you plug that leak or you help that person unburden that part, all of a sudden there's a capacity rise and a shift, right?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: So we're gonna talk about this in our Thursday episode.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: We're actually gonna do an IFS EFT series that helps you unburden, helps you experience an immediate unburdening so your capacity can increase.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: But what's so powerful about this, and this would be I don't know if we've talked about this on the podcast before, ladies.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: But when you can just see these patterns inside ourselves or inside others as just capacity limitations, there's so much less shame, right?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: I don't get so mad at myself anymore.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't get so frustrated with people anymore because I understand there is something subconscious that is blocking your literal energy or capacity.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: And once that thing gets shifted, unblocked, unburdened, you all of a sudden have literal more energy to come to the table to do the thing that needs to be done.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: Shift the pattern, show up, do the dishes, whatever it is, right?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's yeah.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that where I used to maybe beat the crap out of myself or get really frustrated or judgmental of other people, I'm like, oh, it's literally an energy block.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I usually in session for people that are having a hard time with it, there's usually a part that is so overwhelming, and it's like dissociation kind of takes on a manager state.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know what that was like.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I walked around for years in a fog, years in a fog, and just felt like that was normal.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was just part of me and my life.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I didn't ever really have a victim mindset, I wouldn't say.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like some stuff I'm like, well, this is just how I am, like, I'm never gonna change.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is the cards I've been dealt, da-da-da.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would cover up with like some of that bullshit, right?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is never gonna get any better.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I think what shifted for me was again, you know, being able to feel seen by somebody else that I felt like there was just like this energetic connection that I had with Dawn in the beginning of my healing journey, that like she was the person that was gonna walk me out to the other side.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I had never connected with anybody like that, any other professionals or therapists that I had worked with.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of times too, when these women are coming in, it's like something that we're saying or something that they're relating to, or whatever connection you're feeling, like those were the things that I would trust.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: When I feel like somebody was literally put in my life for a reason to carry me out through to the other side, even if I couldn't trust myself in this moment, I knew I gotta go with this person.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's something that's making it shift for me.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because there's an unburdening in that moment, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: And anytime you put down a burden, the load gets lighter, your capacity increases.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like every single woman that's in our programs, like they say, we feel like we found you guys by divine intervention.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what it is, you know?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what it is.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really excited to dive deeper into this in our January kickoff for our season five.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: Season five.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think if it's crazy, I know.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think if women understood the inner workings of these things, right?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: Because to understand something, then you can spot it and then and then that reduces the burden, right?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because uncertainty typically creates dysregulation, right?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like if you pull a hundred humans and ask them like what the hardest state is to be in, is like uncertainty, limbo.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I think that there's this piece when women are still in litigation, still in the legal piece of divorce until it's done, there's this limbo state, there's this uncertainty that creates this constant chronic hum of dysregulation, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you have information that provides clarity, reduces uncertainty, clears fog, and then you're like, oh, I feel named, I feel seen, I feel heard, and then that's An unburdening right there, right?
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, yeah, I'm with you, Joy.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like, to teach our listeners, like, this is the thing under the thing.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's capacity.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: We hear that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: We yeah, we hear that so much.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I just know, if I just know what I need to deal with, if I just know what the future looks like, I can handle it.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like that ambiguity that your your body goes on fire for.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: There's this Instagram channel I love following Raquel the Capacity Expert.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: She's a therapist and she talks about all of this a lot.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: She talks a lot about victim mindset as a capacity issue.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, we're gonna dig deep at the top of the year around the tools we use to unburden, to improve capacity.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: Let's talk a little bit about what we're seeing the women in our group do, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: How group healing is such a capacity increase because community is how we unburden often, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: We cannot unburden in a vacuum.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's impossible.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: You could do certain amount of unvacuing, I mean, unvacuating, you could do a certain amount of unburdening on your own, right?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like certainly we we want to teach you how to fish, we want to teach you how to unburden, but we at first learn how to accept ourselves by being accepted by others, right?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like at first, that's what happened between you and I, Tiffany, right?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: Is like you felt some sense of safety or acceptance, or you know, saw a path to unburdening in our early work together, and then that became the safe place for you to do more unburdening.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: But it's it's which really true that we at first feel accepted by somebody else, and then it feels safe to accept ourselves, and that is the path to unburdening.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and to see these women go deeper and deeper, like in the group threads, like as we pick up, right?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing very vulnerable things that are not just surface level things, that's what I get excited about.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think, and I love hearing in session, like my favorite thing that a client say to me is, okay, I'm just gonna say it because I'm like, thank God.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like please just say it.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I'm never gonna judge you.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is the safest space ever.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if I feel like they're holding back in some way, that's when I provide witness and say, look, like I understand what you're going through because of XYZ.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're like, Pooh, okay.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like a freaking floodgate that it just all comes out, you know.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: But there are so many, like, I love seeing in the thread too where they say, like, I knew I could share this here because they feel seen, they feel like all of these women are walking with them and going through the same things, and so it's so cool to see them as a group be able to show up on really good days and also to show up in hard moments and kind of see how they're they're able to provide witness to each other and hold space, and you know, it's just a really beautiful experience.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: I literally was just thinking it's so beautiful.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was so lonely in my divorce, and what I realized was at first you think you're lonely for sex and you're lonely for dating, so then you try that stuff, and then you realize, well, shit, I'm lonelier the morning after.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like they leave, and then here I am again.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what I wish I would have spent more time doing was realizing that be the reason for my loneliness was because I was lonely for myself and understanding by other people.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I would have had a container to heal in, I would have been able to do it so much faster than 10 years.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like we would have fast-forwarded that quite a bit.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: We practice all the ways not to do it so that we can teach you.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we know what not to do.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, we do.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_03: Talk a little bit about homeopathy as a solution for depleted life force or like, you know, vital force, like literal strength, energy, capacity.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I wish there was a way for people to experience what it's like to have such an immediate life force increase.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Please like DM us, please email us because we will be so happy to share not only our personal experiences, but our family's personal experiences that we have got from homeopathy.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, when I came into this, you know, Dawn was like spearheading homeopathy, and and I was just kind of sitting on the sidelines because I didn't really understand it.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, like essential oils, you know, like okay, like what are we, you know, and then like she started giving them to me.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I just was like, whoa, like just the amount of shifting that I've done, and especially as somebody who has been highly dissociative and felt like it was normal to always lose my train of thought, to walk around in a fog, to always feel anxiety.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like anxiety was just part of who I was.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: Life.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: I never knew what it was like to wake up in the morning and not feel anxious.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: And since I've been on tightness in your chair.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or like a you know, pit in my stomach.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was usually me.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, you know, I had to like wrap my brain around, okay, what fresh hell awaits today, or like, you know, what am I doing?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: All of that stuff is a is a depletion of life force, right?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like systems running in the background, eating through your energy.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's wild what it's been able to shift and do.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I will scream it from the rooftops now.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: And and I I feel like I don't even have to because people around me notice such a difference and they're asking me, What are you doing?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: What did you do?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I show them the pharmacy that's in my bathroom and they're like, Oh, okay.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um homeopathic.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, homeopathic pharmacy.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, um, it it's something that, and like I said, I was somebody that I was on Selexa for 10 years of my life.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was on the antidepressants and and that sort of thing.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and that didn't really lift the fog.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: It made me productive enough to get through the day, but I still didn't feel anything.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like the fact that I can cry now when I want to cry is huge, you know, that I want to rage out when I feel like I'm angry, like I can actually show normal emotions and not feel like I'm it's from a place of being out of control.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just me.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's just me in here.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think my favorite, my favorite thing in the entire world is to look back to like in retrospect and see how far I've come, my family's come, my daughter's come, you know, all those things.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Your capacity, right?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_03: One of my favorite things because like not only was it like the stuff we talk about here in terms of like anxiety, depression, attachment, whatever, right?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: But like ADD, right?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: ADD capacity that was such a limiting factor for you.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_03: That still is in certain ways, in the sense that we had pumpkin pie without sugar, which is my favorite new thing.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: I ate all the no sugar pumpkin pie, and I would now like sugar-free pumpkin pie.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_03: I don't mean sugar-free as in sugar substitute.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean producer Joy forgot to put the sugar in the pumpkin pie, and it was the best thing ever.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Hashtag ADD.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: I squirrel, forgot to put the sugar in, and it wound up being a beautiful disaster.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: And that still happens from time to time, but it tends to be like in all the very best ways.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: But like your ability to handle tasks is like it's a hundred times what it ever was.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like so cool.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Tasks, but also my children, because I had three, you know, three at once.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're outnumbered.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so like being able to handle, being able to cope with the overstimulation, being able to have an intelligent, even emotionally balanced conversation that's sh that traditionally I would have like slammed doors and thrown things.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, my husband and I got really into it this weekend and like he started washing dishes to somatically process what was happening.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I'm working now somatically, you know, just like just being able right to be able to being able to be able to function in a way I've never been able to function before ever is just incredible.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: And to be able to look back and be like, three years ago, five years ago, like I wouldn't even been able to be in this room with these people that trigger me, much less like high five.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Thanksgiving.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like I did something really, really dumb in front of people that traditionally trigger the out of me, right?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I did something really dumb.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I like five years ago, three years ago, I would have completely spiraled.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would have had a panic attack because they're gonna think I'm dumb and they're gonna think I'm da-da-da-da.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, oh, that was dumb.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then just moved on with my day because like I didn't I didn't have that roof of what my body can handle, what I can like I'm so much more I didn't collapse at all.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so much more rooted in who I am and what I am, and like capacity to love myself, capacity to understand that people love to the to their capacity, but like listen, I will preach on this all day long.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: The difference that homeopathy has made for myself and my family.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and even from a psychiatric perspective, like the diagnosis that my daughter got pre-homopathy versus post was like, oh, you know what I mean?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because stuff that they say is relatively untreatable, it's not correct.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Correct, correctly.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the thing.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: And look, bring us your diagnosis, right?
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because that helps us from a remedy standpoint.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like we want to know what they're saying you have.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then we are going to work with you to basically show you that there is another way, and you are not a diagnosis, and you are there's an energy block, there's a capacity limitation.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_03: And when we remove that block, when we enhance your capacity, we have so many tools to do that.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_03: So many tools.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: Some of them energetic, some of them biochemical, some of them movement somatic, right?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: Some of them are rest and proper hydration and nutrition.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_03: And but it's all about getting back to a sense of safety in the body.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_03: Go for it, Trey.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, but what you just said like made me think like my capacity, it was so easier.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's so much easier for me just to grab the leftovers of the children's meals or the because that all my capacity had was to just give the leftovers, right?
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was easier for me to just grab the quickest thing or the the the leftover, you know, bones of the pizza and just eat the bread of the pizza without actual nervous phone.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: Self-care requires energy.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because self-care requires energy, because making choices for yourself requires capacity.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when you don't have it, you can't.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that you are choosing to be this overweight, or you're choosing, like you literally cannot.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Cannot do it.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I think our process over here is always going to be superior to anything else we see, because it could take someone years of trying to install the proper nutrition, exercise, sleep to unwind their nervous system where homeopathy can do it in literal like a matter of weeks or months.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then all of a sudden you have this capacity increase so that you can implement the tools that you learn, right?
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_03: And and then Bob's your uncle.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_03: But I am a I think all of us are prime examples, but I think I'm a prime example of somebody who has been chronically ill and ate right, slept right, like prioritized all the right things, and still had such limited capacity.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: And and I think that that's why people land here when they've tried all the things.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_03: And um I don't know, the really wise people get here before they tried all the things.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, don't, don't, don't try all the things.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: Just just come.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: Come.
• 34:43
  unknown: Yeah.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and there is, there's a clear difference, and I say it all the time.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: There is a very clear difference between the clients that we see who don't use homeopathy versus the ones that do.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: There is a very clear, it's not even, it's black and white, and there is really no comparing the two to how quickly the people that are using homeopathy start getting through at the root of it versus the people that are still highly dissociative, still just not willing to.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm talking about physical symptoms in session to where when we start discussing serious things, they are, you know, physically shaken.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: I can see their facial expressions change.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and believe me, like there is no hiding from me because I'm the disassociation queen.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will be able to tell them to check out in a minute, you know.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of and I'm gonna call you out on it and say, You look dissociative right now, you know, like something switched in your face.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's literally the the picture that came to mind when Tiffany was talking was like swimming through mud and murk and swimming through a swimming pool.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's fighting your way through the sludge or fighting your way through clear water.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like that clear, that that difference.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and I think what you're speaking to, Tiffany, about being able to spot things, that's attunement, right?
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_03: When we talk about what is a secure attachment style, it's the capacity to give and receive attunement, to give and receive nuanced attunement, right?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_03: And so, Tiffany, you give good attunement and your current work is receiving attunement, right?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_03: Because when people can see you, that clearly it gets a little dicey for a moment.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_03: But that is secure attachment, is is that feedback loop of attunement.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: You're so good at it.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's what that was, but I wouldn't have been without homeopathy.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like my intuition has like I've always known I was different, like I could sense people, right?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, and again, in homeopathy, it's very phosphoric.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know how people walk into a room and they say, I can feel the tension in the room.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I can feel what someone else is feeling in their body.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a completely different feeling for me, right?
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, like being in session and being able to sense shifts in people and be able to feel what they're feeling, like my intuition has been off the charts since homeopathy because it's removing all of the things and protective parts that I had around not wanting to feel that or have it being a trigger to me or feeling, you know.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, yeah.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so this is where we're going to be in the new year, teaching you all the things about why you can't trust, why you feel like a victim.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't mean you hate that I'm saying that.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_03: You I know you hate that I'm saying you feel like a victim, but it's like we do, we feel like I can't, poor me, this isn't fair.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_03: And why, if you don't get a handle on disassociation, you are destined to repeat all of these things, all of these cycles in your intimate relationships.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I by intimate relationships I mean romantic, family, friends, children for generations.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, and and on the backs of these issues are the sort of pop culture phrases that we hear over and over again: nervous system, regulation or dysregulation, codependency, right?
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: Codependency is a function of an inability trusting chronic disassociation.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_03: Codependency is a symptom of chronic disassociation.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's all intertwined, right?
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_03: So if you've ever had questions or wanted to understand all of these things, like man, we are bringing it.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_03: In our Thursday episode this week, we are gonna have a combo, internal family systems, IFS or parts work session combined with EFT, which is a tapping sequence, to help you unburden something so you can have an increase in your energy, an increase in your capacity, so you can shift something after the tapping sequence you do in the Thursday episode.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're not a premium member for$5 a month, you can become a premium member where we do the work that we talk about on a Tuesday episode.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: If you're not doing it, I really don't understand why.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I'd love to for you to enroll me in your process about why you're avoiding the Thursday work because it's where all the magic happens.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_03: And then coming up, we are going to have the 12 days of divorce.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_03: So we want you to obviously be a premium member for that as well.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_03: We cannot wait to bring you this deep dive into these topics in the first year of the year.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_03: We love you so much and we want you to be well.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: Peace.