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The Lesson I Didn't Know I Was Learning · Understanding Yourself: A Framework For Change

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Understanding Yourself.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Ben Lemon.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is a collection of stories, ideas,
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: and conversations designed to help us better understand ourselves
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: and maybe experience life a little differently.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: The lesson I didn't know I was learning.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Every once in a while, someone asks me a question.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you could go back and have lunch with anyone in history, who would it be?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Most people expect me to name someone famous.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: A president, an athlete, a musician, a historical figure.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: But my answer has always been different.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'd choose my friend Peter.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Peter was one of the best teachers I've ever had.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was also a Jesuit priest.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite memories of him happened during what seemed like a completely ordinary day.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: He was giving me a ride somewhere and he mentioned he was celebrating Mass
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: after dropping me off.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I asked him, what time is Mass?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: He smiled and said 10 o'clock.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I looked at the clock on the dashboard and said, Peter, you're going to be late.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Without missing a beat,
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: he smiled even bigger and replied, well, Ben, they can't really start without me.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I laughed.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was exactly the kind of dry humor he was known for.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, I spent years laughing with Peter before I realized how much he was teaching me.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: When I first met Peter, I was agnostic.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't looking for God.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't searching for faith.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly,
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was more interested in asking ridiculous questions like,
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: have you ever performed an exorcism?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, I can't help but laugh.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Here was a man who had devoted his life to studying faith,
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: philosophy,
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: meaning, suffering, and human nature, and I wanted to know about exorcisms.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what I didn't know.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: More importantly, I didn't know the questions I would eventually want to ask.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: What made Peter remarkable wasn't that he constantly talked about God.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, he rarely did.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: He never tried to convince me.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: He never argued with me.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: He never made me feel like I needed to believe what he believed.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, he simply loved people.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: He listened.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: He was patient.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: He was curious.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow, whenever you sat across from Peter, you felt like you mattered.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: There was something different about him.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, I couldn't explain what it was.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I think I can.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Peter didn't spend his life explaining God's love.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: He became an expression of it.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: The irony is that Peter passed away before I ever developed much of an understanding
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: of God, before I became really willing to believe.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: He never got to see that part of my journey.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I never got the chance to sit across from him and say, Peter,
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm finally beginning to understand what you were showing me all
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: of those years.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not what you are telling me, what you are showing me.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because Peter didn't change my life through explanations.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: He changed it through experience.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back now,
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I sometimes wonder if my relationship with Peter was one of my earliest experiences
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: of God.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not because he preached,
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: not because he quoted scripture,
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: not because he had all the answers,
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: but because he consistently embodied something I couldn't quite put into words.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Love.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Grace.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Presence.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Back then I didn't have language for any of that.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Today I do.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what overwhelms me.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not that I still have unanswered questions.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I always will.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: What overwhelms me is finally understanding what Peter gave me
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: and realizing I never got the chance to thank him for it.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: If I could have lunch with Peter one more time,
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'd spend much time asking questions.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ironically, after all these years, I think I'd spend most of the meal listening.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And before we left, I'd simply tell him, you mattered far more than I ever realized.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's one of the great tragedies of being human.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't recognize the people changing our lives until years
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: after they've already done it.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe there's good news in that too.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Their influence doesn't end when they're gone.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it keeps unfolding for the rest of our lives.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Peter never convinced me to believe in God.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: He simply lived in such a way that years later I found myself thinking,
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: whatever Peter had, I want that.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is the very first episode of Understanding Yourself.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening, you're here at the beginning.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: My hope is to spend the coming years exploring the ideas,
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: stories,
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: and conversations that help us better understand ourselves
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: and maybe even experience life a little differently.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know exactly where this journey will lead,
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: but I'm grateful you're taking the first step with me.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: If this story resonated with you,
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love for you to read the written version on my Substack, Understanding Yourself.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is the first essay in what I hope becomes a long conversation
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: about understanding ourselves and experiencing life a little differently.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be honored if you'd join me.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep asking better questions and keep understanding yourself.