Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 687: Your Avoidant Ex Misses You If They...

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Episode 687: Your Avoidant Ex Misses You If They... · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  So in last week's video I talked about how to make your ex missed
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  you. So if you followed what I said
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  in that video, did what I said, then how will you know if it
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  worked? Unless of course they contact
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  you and tell you they miss you. Well, stay tuned and you'll find
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  out and welcome back my beautiful no Contact Army.
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  Have you been a good little soldier?
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  If you have, then you've stayed in no contact with the help of
• 0:35
  my app Silencio. And the link link to that is
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  underneath every single video and podcast.
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  And if you too would like to join our beautiful no Contact
• 0:44
  Army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button in the bell
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  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
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  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 0:57
  purchasing the book. And again, the link to that is
• 0:59
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:03
  So before I begin this video, actually I need to give you some
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  information that you need in order to stay in no contact.
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  And this is because it happened to a client of mine and I said
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  OK, I can't wait until the appropriate video.
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  I need to mention it right away. And that is if you've done what
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  I said and you have removed your ex from your contacts from your
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  phone, that's great. However, if they are still in
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  your recent calls list and depending on how many calls you
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  make, that list may go back months and months or if they
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  recently called you for whatever reason.
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  So if they're still in that list, you need to delete that
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  also because you may accidentally hit that button and
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  call them like my client did and break no contact.
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  See, I found another way that you may unintentionally break no
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  contact. So check your recent calls and
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  get them out of there if they're in there.
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  OK, so avoidance will not show up at your door or or call you
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  on the phone crying, professing professing their love for you.
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  OK, that is definitely not how an avoidant deals with breakups.
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  They would rather never see you again than do that.
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  Instead, avoidance will show you through their actions that they
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  miss you. OK, So what are some of the
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  signs that your avoidance misses you?
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  Well, one is that they may show up at places they know you'll
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  be, or they hope you'll be there and make it seem as if they just
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  happened to be there at the same time.
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  What a coincidence. Avoidance.
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  Find it hard to express their feelings.
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  So instead they'll use this strange method.
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  So even though they broke up with you, they want you to still
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  think about them, so they will pop up.
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  Something else they may do is that they will keep tabs on you
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  on your social media and people often think that's a sign that
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  they want you back, but not necessarily.
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  They may miss you or maybe they just want to get a dopamine hit.
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  They also may be checking to see how you're doing, to see if
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  you're doing better with or without them, to see if you've
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  moved on, to see if you're happy, and yes, maybe even to
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  see if they have a chance of getting back with you if they
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  change their minds. And I did a whole video on why
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  your ex is watching your story. So I'll put the link in the
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  upper right hand corner on YouTube.
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  Now instead of just watching. They may engage with one of your
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  social media posts one or more but not contact you.
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  Or they may send a non vulnerable message about
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  something they know you'll be interested in.
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  You know, something insignificant as I always say.
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  So they're testing the waters to see how you react and if you
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  show enough interest or if you show any interest, they may
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  start to open up more. That doesn't mean you should
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  respond. I'm just saying that's a sign
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  that they may possibly miss you. Or still keeping with your
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  social media theme, they will post heartbreak songs on social
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  media or listen to those songs on Spotify.
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  Or they may be trying to make you jealous by posting another
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  guy or another girl to get a reaction.
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  Because they want to see if you still care.
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  Because they still care. So they want to know do you
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  still care? Now if they're still texting
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  you, it's because they want your attention.
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  But again, it doesn't mean they want to get back together.
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  They didn't know how to handle the relationship so they walked
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  away. But they still want to stay in
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  touch. That way they don't have to be
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  100% in because remember avoidance usually to have one
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  foot out the door. So they want to be with you, but
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  they don't want to be in a committed relationship.
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  I know it doesn't make sense for some of you.
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  Now, another sign that your avoidant misses you is that if
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  they see you out in public and they didn't go there
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  specifically looking for you, if it's unexpected, they will act
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  weird. And that's because they've just
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  been reminded of how nice it was to connect in a relationship.
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  But since they're wired to avoid connection, the cognitive
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  dissonance makes your behavior awkward, so they may run away
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  and ignore you. Or if you end up unexpectedly
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  coming face to face with them, they'll act strange and
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  uncomfortable. If they were totally over you,
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  they wouldn't care. They wouldn't have the strange
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  reaction. Another sign is that they want
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  to stay friends after the breakup.
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  I know a lot of people say that and not they don't necessarily
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  mean it, but when they ask to remain friends, it may mean that
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  they wish the relationship hadn't ended and they regret
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  breaking up with you. But still we say no to
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  friendship. Something I've mentioned before,
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  a sign I've mentioned before is that they drunk dial you.
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  So avoidance are all about control.
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  And they may be able to control themselves when they're sober,
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  but the drunk mind speaks the sober heart.
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  So when they've been drinking, they're more relaxed and not as
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  fearful of losing their independence and getting hurt.
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  And they may even let you know their true feelings when they
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  call. So we could only hope that they
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  get drunk. And then finally, I want to let
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  you know that if you have a secure attachment style, they're
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  more likely to miss you because you help them relax and be
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  comfortable with expressing themselves and avoidance.
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  Do best with people who have a secure attachment style since
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  many people have an anxious attachment style and somehow end
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  up with avoidance. So finding someone with a secure
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  attachment is more difficult and they'll appreciate that they
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  were with someone who was secure is secure, and they're more
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  likely to miss you. OK, so now I'm going to hear
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  from you. Which of these signs have you
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  seen from your avoidant ex? And in the meantime, if you
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  would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
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  theartoflove.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
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  They are not on the website and the direct link to that is
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  underneath every single video and podcast.
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  And for my ongoing clients, not my new clients, my ongoing
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  clients, I am available. I was going to say 24/7, but no,
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  that's not true. I do sleep once in a while, no
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  16 hours a day, seven days a week.
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  So I'm here for you to guide you through getting your ex back.
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  And if you're listening to this as a podcast, the best way to
• 8:07
  help the podcast is to download it.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe, and
• 8:12
  share. And finally, remember, love
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  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.