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Work Anxiety Peaks Sunday? | Nervous System Recovery Guide · Work Stress Anxiety | Burnout Prevention & Work Anxiety Help

• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: This great story teaches us something about being human.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Cheryl Paris and this is WorkStress Anxiety.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's borrow a little wisdom from a story to help us navigate a very modern world.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to WorkStress Anxiety.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: I am Cheryl Parris, your host.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's Sunday afternoon.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Rachel has had the sort of morning she actually likes, you know, slow breakfast.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: She's walked the dog.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And the beginnings of dinner for people that she loves.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, nothing dramatic is happening here.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: No one is demanding anything from her.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And therein the light changes.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: She notices the time.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Somewhere between one ordinary moment and the next, her stomach drops.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: She reaches for her phone, not because an email has arrived, no, but because Monday has.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Not officially, of course.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Monday is actually still several hours away.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: But in Rachel's body, the working week has already let itself in, taken off its coat and started rearranging the furniture.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: So Rachel's 32, she works as a sports agent.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Her week can contain unfinished negotiations, urgent client needs, you know, competing expectations and developments no one could have predicted on Friday.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: But by late Sunday afternoon, she's mentally opened in box she hasn't even looked at yet.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: She begins rehearsing replies, checking the clock, and becoming slightly shorter with everybody around her.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now then comes the guilt, yes, guilt that she can't relax properly, guilt that she's wasted Sunday, and perhaps guilt that everyone else seems capable of enjoying a roast dinner without conducting some sort of imaginary crisis.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And before we go any further, I just wanted to say a special thank you to you, one of our listeners from Melbourne, Pennsylvania, who listened to Stop the Wrong Stress Battles.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: If that was you, welcome.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm genuinely glad you found your way here.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope the things we talk about through today give you something useful, not another reason for you to leave what you should be coping with more elegantly.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: And to everyone, everyone that listens, who wherever you are, whoever you are, thank you.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I never take your time or your attention for granted because I know Sunday dread is often treated as some sort of joke.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: People make memes out of them.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's one of those, I think, little personality quirks that we apparently mean to just laugh about quietly.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: But when work anxiety begins on Sunday, I believe there is a real cost to that.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Work is borrowing hours it hasn't paid for, and you may be already blaming yourself for allowing a pattern that you never consciously chose.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know that contrast.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: The room is quiet, nothing is actively wrong, and yet your body behaves as though bad news has already arrived.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, I see it so many times.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Monday, we're reliably busy, you know, people have experienced two days of frustration, and by Monday, they simply and didn't want the help.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: They wanted everything sorted out yesterday.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one of the things I've noticed is that there's very little room for that awkward fact that some problems take time.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Some demand conflict, and no human being can meet every expectation all at once.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So the Sunday feeling wasn't simply I don't like Mondays.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was tomorrow, people may be expecting more than I can realistically or even possibly get.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: That is where the checking and rehearsing can begin to look sensible, I think, for a lot of people.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: And in Rachel's instance, she's telling herself she is just getting prepared.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one quick look at the invocks, no big deal.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Or creating one list.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, that doesn't matter.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: But underneath that, I think sits a belief many conscientious women have been carrying for years.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: If I worry now about it, tomorrow, Monday won't won't hurt as much.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that belief matters because if worry feels like protection, stopping or the stopping of the worrying can feel quite reckless.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: So the most useful question is not why can't I relax?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's Sunday.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: To me, it's what does my body believe all this worrying is protecting me from?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: For Rachel, the answer may sound simple, like this may be tomorrow.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: Too many people may need too many things all at once, and I may not respond quickly enough or get everything right.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: That is much more precise than I'm anxious about work.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because it contains the crowded inbox, the unfinished work, the unpredictable nature of things, the fear of making a costly mistake.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it contains something deeper on one level, I think, the fear of being held responsible for expectations that may not be realistic or fully within her control.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: And once we hear the whole sentence, her Sunday response stops looking ridiculous.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: It starts making complete sense, even if it's costing her more than she's willing to give back.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: So one possibility is that Rachel is experienced uh what is sometimes called anticipatory anxiety, and that's where your mind and your body respond to a threat, they expect before the event itself has begun.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the threat is not necessarily imaginary.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Mondays may genuinely be reset uh relentless.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the client may be demanding, the workload may be unpredictable, and mistakes may carry consequences that you don't want to pay.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: But your body doesn't always wait for the actual demand, it begins mobilizing early as if causing every possible difficulty for you might prevent surprise.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: That can be why a completely ordinary Sunday evening starts feeling strangely unsafe in your body.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: The body, you know, is not responding only to the room that you're in, the room itself, it's responding to the Monday it's nudge to predict.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, most of us know the story of how Lob's dogs, you know, a bell became associated with food until the bell alone produced the that physical response.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing anyone to a dog.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Sunday evening is humiliating enough without that, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: But the learning principle I think is useful for a lot of people, especially us professional women who want to do good jobs and lead our teams well, someday can become a bit of a bell.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: The fading lights, dinner's been prepared, a familiar television program started, even the sound of the kids doing their school uniform scramble can, you know, can send that trigger.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Monday, you know, is coming.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And the body produces anxiety straight away.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's learnt the association between Monday has repeatedly given it evidence to feel this way.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Then Rachel, you know, checks her email and briefly feels less exposed.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: She's made the list, she's rehearsed some of the conversations that she might have, and she gets a small sense of control.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: That that relief teaches the body that Sunday vigilance has worked successfully again.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: The bell rang and she answered it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: This hidden experience is sometimes called high functioning anxiety.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Appearing capable while physically carrying persistent anxiety.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is familiar language, it's not a diagnosis here.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: You may hear your nervous system or sometimes what it's sometimes called what I mean is nervous system gene regulation.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: In plain English, Rachel's body is although Monday is not happened yet, that doesn't mean that she's effective.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: It means her system has become very practiced at expecting pressure.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the relief from checking keeps, I don't know, keeps selling worry as to her preparation.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: And we need to be honest about the workplace laffie, because this is where well-being advice can become rather insulting and a lot of the times.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know me, I like to keep this real.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because what I one of the things I've noticed is that a trauma nervous system cannot make chronic understaffing reasonable, it can turn bullying into leadership, it can manufacture resources that don't exist, or persuade the manager that twelve urgent priorities are, in fact, four priorities and not one.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: If the environment is unsafe or feels persistently harmful, the answer is not to simply breathe more attractively.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Some problems require, guess what, boundaries and support and formal action or a change in the conditions.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yet even when the external pressure is real, given it's Sunday evening, doesn't necessarily increase your power over it, right?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: It may simply extend its working hours.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: So the belief worth testing, I think, is not Monday will be easier, because it may not be.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: The belief is if I worry now, Monday will hurt less.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: So what does that mean?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know the feeling that you get is it's almost like information.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's information about what your body expects, but it's not proof that you're broken or ungrateful or incapable of resting, and it's not an instruction to surrender the remainder of the evening.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: Far from it.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think once you begin to notice the bell before automatically answering it, I think a small decision becomes possible for you.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Now you might experiment with completing one sentence like this.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Tomorrow I'm afraid of that.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Not work will be awful, or or not Monday will be a nightmare, or just one specific sentence.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps I'm afraid I will open my inbox and discover three urgent problems I can't solve at once.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Special civility matters.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'll say it again because honestly, I butcher these words so badly.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Best necessity matters.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Why does it matter?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because a cloud of dread has no edges.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: If you fill your entire evening with these things, I think what's the best thing to do is having a named concern, and then you might notice that it contains one control piece, one controllable piece.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: There may be several uncontrollable pieces, but the way that a great deal of your anxious mind has bundled together everything under this helpful heading of everything.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not everything, it's just one thing.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Then you might ask yourself if there's one useful action for tonight, or is this a Monday problem?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: If there's one useful action that will genuinely make tomorrow more workable for you, you can you can give you can give it no more than like five, ten minutes.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, write that essential note, put the document where you can find it, and then draft maybe three points for that conversation, but not the entire week.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Not every possible response.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Not three, not a preemptive tour of your inbox to see what fresh horrors might be available.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Just one one bounded uh action.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: And if there is nothing useful that you can do tonight, write the concern down and let it become a Monday problem.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that doesn't mean that you're pretending it doesn't matter.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: It just means you're refusing to perform work that has no useful outcome simply because anxiety has called another unscheduled meeting.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Know that.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: Then I want you to do you might say to yourself, I've noticed this.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I will look at this at 9 a.m.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: tomorrow and go return to something that belongs to now, to belongs to Sunday, your meal, the person sitting beside you, the dog waiting hopefully for some more food.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: The aim is not perfect at all, right?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: The aim is to practice choosing where your attention goes next.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Now, am I pretending that this is easy?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not pretending it's easy.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: What I'm saying to you is it's the steps you take.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter how small they are, but you continue to repeat the steps, your body gets familiar with those things, and you start moving towards the things that you want.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, in Rachel's case, you may feel feel better towards Monday, but the difference is that she can recognise the bell, she can name it, predict it, and then decide whether any response is useful.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: She does not need to become someone else.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Now she just needs enough steadiness, I think, to separate a warning from an order.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if your Sunday anxiety is persistent or severe or escalating, please seek appropriate professional help, even if it's with me.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's reflecting genuinely harmful work conditions, this experiment is not a substitute for workplace change.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: But if this has helped you name something that you have quietly carried, you might want to share this episode with someone who Sunday disappears into Monday smalling Monday arrives.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Or please leave a review at lovethepodcast.com forward slash work stressanxiety.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Sharing or reviewing the podcast, I'm telling you, right, helps uh other people find the words for what they may be experiencing.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes say, This is what happened to me, is where the shame begins to loosen.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Sunday nights can feel like betrayal because the day still looks like rest while your body has already crossed over into work mode, but your body's not portraying you.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: It may be trying rather comzily and maybe a few hours early to protect you from a pressure it knows it will recognize.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you can respect that information without obeying every instruction, anxiety attached to it.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Monday is allowed to be a real concern for you.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: It is simply not entitled to arrive several hours uh ahead of schedule and charge you for your privilege.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: So for today, notice the small moment Sunday bring, begin to feel what it means and finish the sentence tomorrow.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I am afraid that X.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Then decide whether it deserves 10 useful minutes now or place it on Monday's list.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: You do not have to solve the whole week tonight.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: But remember this Sunday, that Sunday bell may ring, but you can still choose whether Monday gets an early insight.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: So every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Trust your journey and remain blond.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Progress is progress, no matter the pace.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Bye for now.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's episode gave you something useful to carry into your week.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now finish your coffee, take a breath, and remember progress is progress no matter the pace.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, bye for now.