Latest / The Daily Sarcast / August 14th, 2026: Mars Makes Naturally Flavored Candy, A City That Used Logic And My Chaotic Life

Transcript

August 14th, 2026: Mars Makes Naturally Flavored Candy, A City That Used Logic And My Chaotic Life · The Daily Sarcast

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  We are a people, a nation, an ethnicity. We are a religion too.
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  We don't fit naturally, and that's why we're such a pain.
• 0:53
  Senator Henry Stern on being Jewish.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Wernick, and today is August 14th, 2026.
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  Oh my god, it's the last Daily Starcast that I'm hosting for a month. I'm so sad.
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  But I'm about to start working. Well, I already have started working on this
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  crazy new dating show that I can't wait to tell you guys about.
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  And I will do that when I get home. But I'll be bopping around the country for
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  the next month, going to some fun places.
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  And I am excited to share all of my experiences and trauma.
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  But until then, I'll have some guest hosts and it'll be really fun.
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  So in real news, Mars is giving some of its most famous candies a makeover.
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  M&M's, Skittles, and Starburst are rolling out new versions without artificial food dye. Like, ew.
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  That's what makes these candies so good.
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  But apparently this has been in the works for more than a decade,
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  because getting a candy to look like a candy without the ingredients that make
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  it look like a candy is very, very complicated.
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  Mars said they've tested the new versions with more than 13,000 people,
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  Because obviously the more in question here is not, do you think this is healthier?
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  It's, does this taste exactly the same?
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  The company says that was the number one requirement. The new candies use natural
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  color sources like beet juice, turmeric, spirulina, and beta carotene.
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  But blue has been the real problem child here.
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  So apparently it's like really difficult to create a natural blued food coloring that actually works.
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  But we have blueberries, so we know that it can happen naturally.
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  So these dye-free versions are hitting Amazon right now. And there's a lot bigger
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  distributions coming later this year.
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  So Mars has spent 10 years figuring out how to make an M&M without artificial dye.
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  Meanwhile, I'm over here just trying to figure out how to make a guy text me
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  back without artificial anything.
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  Meanwhile, over in Rome, there's a 2,000-year-old Roman bridge that has resurfaced
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  because the river has gotten so low.
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  The ruins of what's known as Nero's Bridge have come out near St.
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  Peter's Basilica as Rome deals with a very severe drought.
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  So this isn't just like some random old bridge. This bridge was built back in
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  the first century and was likely built around 39 AD.
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  No one has been able to see this bridge in centuries because it's been underwater.
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  But as the river continues to drop more and more, more of the bridge obviously begins to come up.
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  And while this is all very exciting that like archaeology is happening on its own,
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  people are just really concerned that there is a bigger water issue because
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  low river levels are a sign of a much larger water problem that affects Italy
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  and other parts of Europe.
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  But for tourists, this does create a very exciting sightseeing opportunity.
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  You can go to Rome and you can see the Colosseum, the Pantheon,
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  the Vatican, or you could just like walk over to this river and see a really
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  old bridge. How exciting.
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  And maybe if the river continues to drop, we'll find Julius Caesar's Amazon cart.
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  Okay, California is considering adding a new box to their state demographic forms, Jewish.
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  So there's this bill moving through the California legislature,
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  and it will require state agencies to give people the option to identify as Jewish as an ethnicity,
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  alongside the racial and ethnic categories already collected on things like
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  college applications and, you know, unemployment forms.
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  This is actually a pretty complicated
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  question because Jewish identity has never fit neatly into one box.
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  For some people, being Jewish is primarily religious. For others,
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  it's cultural, ethnic, ancestral, or for some, a combination of all three.
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  There was a study done a couple years ago, and they found that only 11% of American
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  Jews said being Jewish is mainly about religion.
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  Most described it as some combination of religion, ancestry, and culture.
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  And people who are really excited about this bill in california say adding a
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  jewish ethnicity option could help the state better understand its jewish population
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  track anti-semitic hate crimes and even improve public health research involving
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  diseases that are more common in certain jewish populations
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  you know like ibs,
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  but there's some jewish organizations that are opposing the bill because they
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  think we're doing reducing jewish identity to one ethnicity actually makes the
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  situation more complicated, not less.
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  I mean, this doesn't get any more Jewish than that. So
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  the guy who wrote the bill, California State Senator Henry Stern,
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  says that he grew up in a Jewish home that wasn't particularly religious and
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  that he was still targeted for being Jewish, which we can all relate to if we're Jewish.
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  And also to add, this senator, his dad is actor Daniel Stern,
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  who played Marv in Home Alone.
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  Yeah, I know. Crazy connection, right? And apparently, Daniel Stern improvised
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  the line, Happy Hanukkah, Marv, in Home Alone 2.
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  So it's kind of ironic that the guy whose dad played one of the most famous
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  Christmas movie villains of all time is trying to get Judaism its own checkbox,
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  which, again, doesn't get more Jewish than that.
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  I don't know if it's that Jewish history, California history,
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  or just the most Jewish possible way this bill could have happened.
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  But also, Henry Stern kind of summed up the larger issue pretty well.
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  Jewish people can be a people, a nation, an ethnicity, and a religion,
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  and sometimes all or just some of those things at once.
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  So obviously, California decided the natural solution is to just add another box.
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  In Lindsay life, I am packing to go away for a month.
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  I'm booking chefs. I'm getting on calls with my team. I'm trying to talk to future cast members.
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  I'm managing the daily sarcast residency. I cannot talk today.
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  I'm doing my laundry. I'm talking to unemployment. I'm trying to send a case
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  back that broke on my phone, but you have to send it back so you don't get charged for it.
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  But instead of doing all of those things, I'm trying to rearrange a brand new
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  carpet in my living room that I took from the hallway because it got delivered
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  to the wrong address and it's been sitting in my hallway for months
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  and it matches perfectly in my apartment.
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  And today's MVP is Somerville, Massachusetts. So Somerville is taking a pretty
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  simple approach to traffic safety.
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  They're redesigning the street
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  so people are less likely to get killed on them. I know, crazy, right?
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  The city has embraced Vision Zero. It's this movement that started in Sweden
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  and has spread to cities across the world. I mean, around the world.
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  So the goal is exactly what it sounds like, zero traffic deaths.
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  Somerville has been working on that through changes to its streets,
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  including lowering speed limits, adding protected bike lanes,
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  and improving pedestrian crossings and redesigning intersections that have been very dangerous.
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  The idea behind Vision Zero is very important. Traffic crashes aren't just random accidents.
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  The way roads are designed can make crashes more likely, and it can determine
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  whether a crash ends with someone walking away or ending up in a body bag.
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  Somerville has actually been doing this thing called using data to figuring
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  out which streets and intersections where people are most at risk,
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  instead of just waiting for another really bad crash to happen.
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  What a concept to use, right?
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  This is one of those rare government stories where the solution is actually
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  pretty straightforward.
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  Forward. Figuring out where people are getting hurt, fix it,
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  and actually solve the problem.
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  So today's MVP is Somerville, Massachusetts. For treating traffic safety like
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  an actual public safety issue, instead of just accepting that getting across
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  town sometimes requires a death wish.
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  If only the rest of the world could use that kind of logic.
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  Cooking tip of the day. make sure you check the expiration date before you use it,
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  feedback comments questions a nice jewish by looking for a date email me at
• 9:25
  lindsay at the daily surrogast.com
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  thank you so much for listening i'm gonna miss you guys so much stay tuned to
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  hear all the really fun and exciting episodes from all of the residents this coming month
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  and i will talk to you guys very very soon I'm going to talk to you guys before you know it.
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  You're like, wow, can we have those residents back?