Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / National Treasure vs The Rock

Transcript

National Treasure vs The Rock · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

• 0:00
  Oh god.
• 0:00
  Oh my god.
• 0:02
  Hahahaha
• 0:06
  Hahahaha
• 0:10
  I still think at some point we need to like stringboard out like the entire cage-averse.
• 0:16
  I mean it sounds like something that we should do, but won't.
• 0:21
  But should you?
• 0:22
  Should we?
• 0:23
  It'd be fun.
• 0:24
  Well you find.
• 0:25
  I would say it'd be more-
• 0:26
  No.
• 0:27
  It'd be more-
• 0:28
  The friends along the way.
• 0:29
  I'd say if anything I'd hate you guys more for doing this, for yes, ending this with
• 0:34
  me.
• 0:35
  Yeah, well.
• 0:36
  You know I need to be stopped.
• 0:37
  This is like two years in the making at this point.
• 0:39
  You know I need to be kept in check.
• 0:40
  Oh I just broke my wedding ring.
• 0:41
  That's my third one.
• 0:42
  Those wood rings.
• 0:43
  This isn't a wood one, this is the Enzo like rubbery one.
• 0:48
  That's a fucking cock ring my dude.
• 0:51
  Not for this guy.
• 0:52
  Okay, I got some questions for you.
• 0:56
  It's rubber, that's a cock ring.
• 0:57
  That is half an inch in diameter.
• 0:59
  Yeah that's smallish.
• 1:01
  Yeah, but what if it's very long?
• 1:05
  Like you just extruded the shit out of it?
• 1:08
  Yeah.
• 1:09
  It's like approaching the event horizon and just kind of like-
• 1:12
  Spaghettification.
• 1:13
  Yeah.
• 1:14
  Have you ever gotten a fountain drink from someplace that only has like one size of straw
• 1:17
  and it's enormous and it's like twice as long as the cup sticking out?
• 1:23
  Yeah it kind of makes you feel like a king though.
• 1:25
  It does.
• 1:26
  I don't have to hold this close to my mouth at all.
• 1:28
  Yeah.
• 1:29
  Yeah.
• 1:30
  Royalty can be down here.
• 1:31
  I suppose you could like be driving and the car next to you could like look over and then
• 1:36
  like you've got a solid like seven seconds of straw coming up to your mouth and they
• 1:42
  never see the cup.
• 1:43
  And you're making eye contact the entire time.
• 1:44
  Yeah always because that's how I drive.
• 1:46
  I look at the cars next to me, my neighbors.
• 1:48
  Did you guys ever?
• 1:49
  I kind of did that once actually.
• 1:50
  I had this long car trip and I bought like those three gallon things of water from the
• 1:54
  grocery store and put it between the seat and I had a tube from Home Depot that like
• 1:58
  went around the seat and like up.
• 1:59
  Oh yeah.
• 2:00
  Proto camelback like before.
• 2:01
  Oh yeah that's cool.
• 2:02
  Did you have another tube that went from down and around to another one?
• 2:06
  No I did.
• 2:07
  I did think about it but I was like you know what if I don't have to stop to get water
• 2:10
  I don't I can stop to use restroom.
• 2:13
  There you go.
• 2:14
  Did you guys ever when you were younger have to like do the school candy sales?
• 2:19
  Like they give you a catalog of cool things.
• 2:20
  Oh yeah.
• 2:21
  It's so clearly a scam now you look back on it.
• 2:23
  Yeah.
• 2:24
  But they always had the helm the beer helmets but they were like soda helmets.
• 2:29
  Right.
• 2:30
  For root beer.
• 2:31
  Yeah and it's the only thing I ever wanted from any of those candies and I would go hard
• 2:34
  to try and win it but it's like Chuck E Cheese prizes it's like.
• 2:38
  Right.
• 2:39
  Sell a thousand dollars worth of chocolate and get this lava lamp.
• 2:42
  Or I could have gone to like Spencer.
• 2:44
  If I.
• 2:45
  Sell a bunch of chocolate you too can burn your hand.
• 2:46
  If I didn't live in Tillamook Oregon I could have gone to a Spencer's gift and gotten it
• 2:50
  for 15 bucks.
• 2:51
  Truth.
• 2:52
  Right.
• 2:53
  I remember when I was an adult because I was an adult and I had adult money and I'm like
• 2:55
  I'm going to buy this thing.
• 2:57
  Once you start those things you can't stop them.
• 3:00
  Like.
• 3:01
  Lava lamp?
• 3:02
  No the beer hat.
• 3:03
  Oh because of gravity.
• 3:04
  Yeah.
• 3:05
  Because once the.
• 3:06
  Oh right.
• 3:07
  Did you consider just blowing back.
• 3:09
  Yes.
• 3:10
  It got messy.
• 3:11
  Fortunately with someone else's house party sale I didn't care.
• 3:13
  Oh right.
• 3:14
  My school always sold lawn and leaf bags instead of candy it was horrible.
• 3:18
  What?
• 3:19
  Yeah.
• 3:20
  I mean that's things people actually need.
• 3:22
  I mean it makes a lot of sense but like door to door lawn and leaf bag sales.
• 3:25
  It's rough as a kid.
• 3:27
  Uncompelling though.
• 3:28
  Yeah.
• 3:29
  It's like would you like to buy a mattress cover.
• 3:31
  Keeps bed bugs out.
• 3:32
  You really really want it.
• 3:33
  You should have one.
• 3:34
  Oh you do have one.
• 3:36
  Fuck.
• 3:37
  Girl Scouts are selling cookies with fucking websites now.
• 3:42
  Like you just log in and put your order in and then bring it to you.
• 3:45
  I saw that.
• 3:46
  Yeah.
• 3:47
  Kids aren't even like getting the experience of talking to adults.
• 3:50
  I mean.
• 3:51
  Which is tricky.
• 3:52
  I.
• 3:53
  But.
• 3:54
  Every time I've seen Girl Scouts out selling cookies for the last years the girls were just
• 3:57
  on their phones like behind the table as mothers yelled at me.
• 4:01
  Well that's a failing.
• 4:02
  I don't I don't buy from those kids.
• 4:04
  No.
• 4:05
  I told Eric if he wanted my if his kid wanted my cookie money she'd have to set up a meeting
• 4:10
  in front of a Safeway with me.
• 4:12
  It doesn't have to be in front of a Safeway.
• 4:13
  Yeah that's a Safeway or like.
• 4:16
  I mean.
• 4:17
  It's a little kid with like glasses, beret, briefcase full of cookies, clandestine meeting
• 4:21
  in front of the Safeway.
• 4:23
  Ideally I'd like to buy my Girl Scout cookies in front of the building where they euthanize
• 4:27
  animals but that's a tougher sell.
• 4:30
  Why?
• 4:31
  Why do you want to do that?
• 4:33
  I feel like there'd be less witnesses.
• 4:35
  Oh.
• 4:36
  The guilt of the fact that you like the.
• 4:40
  I'd be playing the Sarah McLaughlin song on my phone and just making real hard eye contact
• 4:46
  with the kid.
• 4:47
  That's rough.
• 4:48
  It's like I'll pay for these cookies but I won't pay for the life of that dog.
• 4:52
  Wow.
• 4:53
  That's cold.
• 4:56
  Save us Sean.
• 4:57
  Yeah.
• 4:58
  Welcome back.
• 4:59
  Take us out of that.
• 5:00
  Welcome back to Cage Match, Cole and a roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage and I don't want
• 5:03
  to do this anymore.
• 5:04
  Yeah.
• 5:05
  Thanks Nick.
• 5:06
  You're Nick.
• 5:07
  I am Nick.
• 5:08
  And I'm Sean and we're here with our producer Peter.
• 5:12
  Hello.
• 5:13
  I'm just I'm going to be off my game the rest of the night now because I'm just thinking
• 5:16
  of those dogs.
• 5:17
  I can smell the strawberry from here.
• 5:19
  Also special guest with us.
• 5:21
  Yes.
• 5:22
  Howdy.
• 5:23
  This is Seth.
• 5:24
  Seth, our friend.
• 5:25
  Hey guys.
• 5:26
  Friend of the pod.
• 5:27
  Great to be here.
• 5:28
  Thanks for joining us.
• 5:29
  What a great group already I can just tell.
• 5:31
  This is the first time Seth has visited my place but he's been here before.
• 5:35
  That's true because it used to be my place.
• 5:37
  Yeah.
• 5:38
  That's right.
• 5:39
  All in the family.
• 5:40
  And it's never been mine but I did poop here.
• 5:41
  That kind of counts.
• 5:43
  You look like the first person to poop in every apartment I've moved into since I've
• 5:47
  known you.
• 5:48
  Do they have a pretty much when you did it?
• 5:49
  Well, no, I never pooped here when Peter lived here.
• 5:52
  I, you know, technically I lived here and you didn't.
• 5:55
  And now you live here with Sean because you've pooped here.
• 5:58
  Yes.
• 5:59
  Yeah.
• 6:00
  I got this.
• 6:01
  I got my poo claim in early.
• 6:03
  I went to a place in Vegas that had a bidet in the like restaurants bathroom and I was
• 6:09
  like in there for a really long time trying to get the remote thing to work.
• 6:14
  And eventually I was like, oh, fuck it.
• 6:15
  I've been in here for like 15, 20 minutes.
• 6:18
  Single occupancy bathroom.
• 6:19
  I should probably go.
• 6:21
  And then I go back to my seat and my buddy's like, I'm going to try.
• 6:25
  So then he's in there for like 10, 15 minutes and we're just dominating this bathroom.
• 6:29
  That's like, like in Momofuku or some shit.
• 6:33
  And eventually he comes back out.
• 6:34
  He's like, you got to point it like right between your legs, like right at the nape
• 6:37
  of your ball sack.
• 6:39
  And that's how you get it to work.
• 6:41
  And it's awesome.
• 6:43
  And I should have gone back in.
• 6:44
  But at that point, I felt like that would have been you didn't go back.
• 6:47
  They just thought you were doing coke.
• 6:49
  Yeah.
• 6:50
  Yeah.
• 6:51
  Well, it can be both coke and butt stuff.
• 6:54
  Coke and butt stuff.
• 6:55
  That's like how I prefer Vegas.
• 7:00
  So on this podcast, we watched 64 Nicolas Cage films, Final Four style, and we'll narrow
• 7:05
  it down to the best Nicolas Cage film as decided by Nick and myself.
• 7:10
  Definitely not Peter and usually not our guests.
• 7:12
  Yeah.
• 7:13
  No.
• 7:14
  This week, we're talking about National Treasure and The Rock.
• 7:17
  Those are the two movies.
• 7:19
  I got nothing else to go.
• 7:21
  I got nothing else from there.
• 7:22
  Womack, you piece of shit.
• 7:25
  So the Rock.
• 7:26
  Yeah.
• 7:27
  Why don't you remind us what the Rock's about real quick?
• 7:30
  In case any of us in the world have ever forgotten.
• 7:34
  Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery have to break into the Rock to stop some guy who's mad at
• 7:38
  the government and not just any rock.
• 7:40
  Oh, Alcatraz.
• 7:41
  Yeah, the Rock Rock.
• 7:44
  Welcome to the Rock.
• 7:46
  That's a great summary.
• 7:47
  Yeah, that's fucking the film.
• 7:49
  He's mad.
• 7:50
  Like a dude goes to visit his wife's grave.
• 7:52
  You know, it's his wife because it says it's his wife.
• 7:54
  And then he steals chemical weapons, takes over the rock.
• 7:59
  There are hostages that we quickly forget about.
• 8:02
  Seth, what was your relationship to this movie when you were younger?
• 8:05
  I mean, the Rock came out in what like 96 96.
• 8:09
  Yeah.
• 8:10
  So I probably saw it on like TBS or something the way it was meant to be seen.
• 8:14
  Right.
• 8:15
  With commercials for, you know, shark bites, gummies in between or whatever.
• 8:19
  The commercials exist to give you a break from Michael Bay's cinematography.
• 8:22
  Yeah, seriously.
• 8:23
  It's like everybody calmed down.
• 8:25
  Yeah, let's let's all stare at something else for 30 seconds.
• 8:29
  So I mean, I watched it probably after it came out.
• 8:32
  I was probably 10, 12, whatever.
• 8:35
  I guess that would have been 96.
• 8:36
  So maybe I saw it right around the time it came out.
• 8:38
  I thought it was I thought it was cool, you know, but I was like a 10 or 12 year old boy.
• 8:43
  And that is who this movie is for.
• 8:45
  As far as I can tell, because it is a Michael Bay movie.
• 8:48
  It's Michael Bay.
• 8:49
  I mean, when I when I watched it, of course, I didn't know who Michael Bay was the first
• 8:52
  time.
• 8:53
  Right.
• 8:54
  But this time, you know, it's the first name you see.
• 8:56
  And I was like, oh, OK, all right, here we go.
• 8:58
  So this is this is context.
• 9:00
  Every shot is like shot from like the knee up, like in that extreme angle.
• 9:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 9:04
  There's American flags everywhere.
• 9:05
  I never thought of it.
• 9:07
  This like the cinematography part of it is like, oh, there's going to be car chases and
• 9:10
  explosions.
• 9:11
  A lot of gratuitous things just over and over again.
• 9:14
  Masturbatory military love.
• 9:16
  First, it's fast.
• 9:17
  The cameras are fast.
• 9:19
  And you know that any black actor is going to have just the worst dialogue.
• 9:26
  Yeah, not expecting a lot of people of color or women in the movie.
• 9:31
  And that was what happened in The Rock.
• 9:33
  But it was also 1996.
• 9:35
  So there were two women.
• 9:37
  We talked about this a little bit.
• 9:38
  There were two.
• 9:39
  Yeah, there were two with it.
• 9:40
  They existed.
• 9:41
  Was one of them his wife?
• 9:42
  No, no, no.
• 9:43
  That's the third.
• 9:44
  That's the third one.
• 9:45
  OK, who is dead?
• 9:46
  Who is the entire time?
• 9:47
  Yeah, you see her gravestone.
• 9:49
  Yeah, right.
• 9:50
  Oh, by the way, I looked this up.
• 9:52
  That's a real thing at Arlington.
• 9:54
  His wife.
• 9:55
  Is not some sort of movie mistake.
• 9:57
  It's like a real thing.
• 9:59
  I was wondering if it's like an acronym for something.
• 10:01
  No, it's I think what they do is if a military member and their spouse are going to be buried
• 10:06
  at Arlington, one of them is on one side of the headstone.
• 10:09
  The other one is on the other side.
• 10:11
  So it'll be his wife refers commander Hummel and his wife.
• 10:16
  So it just doesn't make sense because he's not dead yet.
• 10:18
  Right.
• 10:19
  You don't see the other side of the tombstone.
• 10:20
  Even if you're not Michael Bay and don't know a lot about this kind of military stuff, it
• 10:25
  doesn't make sense.
• 10:26
  It seems like a mistake.
• 10:28
  So my brother went to school in North Carolina and one time I went out there and I like to
• 10:34
  go to like really old cemeteries because they're cool.
• 10:38
  I mean, there's really cool headstones.
• 10:40
  It's fun.
• 10:41
  Chalk etching, maybe.
• 10:43
  Yeah.
• 10:44
  Well, one time we were walking around and looking at the headstones and there was one
• 10:49
  that had some dates, I wish I still had a picture of this.
• 10:52
  It had dates, but then otherwise all it said on it was raper.
• 10:55
  I mean, I'm sure that was someone's name.
• 10:57
  It's a rough surname.
• 10:59
  It's tough.
• 11:00
  You know, the butt run story.
• 11:02
  I don't.
• 11:03
  I once had the butt runs.
• 11:05
  Yes.
• 11:06
  When I worked in retail, when I worked in retail, a woman handed me her credit card
• 11:10
  and her last name like her name was Sarah butt run.
• 11:13
  Sure.
• 11:14
  And I laughed because I'm a child.
• 11:15
  I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
• 11:17
  And her response was, that's my married name.
• 11:20
  Oh, that seems like a reasonable time when you don't have to take someone's last name.
• 11:24
  Yeah.
• 11:25
  When if you were the person who was coming into the marriage with that name, why would
• 11:28
  you not offer for your spouse to not take it?
• 11:32
  What if her last name was severe and she got it hyphenated?
• 11:35
  So it's severe butt runs.
• 11:37
  That seems plausible.
• 11:38
  I mean, that would be worth it.
• 11:41
  I kind of want to.
• 11:42
  The bit it is worth it.
• 11:43
  Like I would rather be severe butt runs than just Mrs. Butt Run.
• 11:48
  That's true.
• 11:49
  The commitment is better than half measures.
• 11:53
  OK, so the rock, my primary memory of the rock when I was asked to watch it for this
• 11:58
  project was the string of elegant pearls, glass balls, almost glowing green, right,
• 12:07
  with the chemical weapon inside of it.
• 12:09
  That was the only thing I remembered about it.
• 12:11
  I did not remember that Sean Connery was in it.
• 12:13
  Interesting.
• 12:14
  I mean, I read it was about Alcatraz, but that's kind of in the title.
• 12:17
  So that was that was it.
• 12:19
  That was what I was going in for.
• 12:20
  I mean, that is mostly what I remember from this movie.
• 12:22
  Yeah.
• 12:23
  Before we watched it the first time, it was like, I don't know, green balls, poison.
• 12:26
  Yeah.
• 12:27
  Gas.
• 12:28
  I don't know.
• 12:29
  Why would you make a chemical weapon like that?
• 12:30
  So fragile.
• 12:31
  So fragile.
• 12:32
  Also, they look really like sturdy and then they turn into goo so quick.
• 12:37
  That's true.
• 12:38
  It's like a gelatin, like a solidified like as soon as it gets wet, you know, just like
• 12:42
  when he crushes it in that dude's mouth.
• 12:45
  That was I like that.
• 12:46
  That was pretty good.
• 12:47
  That was a good one.
• 12:48
  I wrote the bread there with like getting shot in the toes or when he gets the air conditioner
• 12:52
  dropped down on the same guy.
• 12:53
  Yeah, same guy.
• 12:54
  Air conditioner guy.
• 12:55
  Oh, yeah.
• 12:56
  It's a tough day for that.
• 12:57
  I do love that.
• 12:58
  It's like I'm in around a lot of dead bodies.
• 12:59
  Does that happen a lot?
• 13:00
  The twitch sometimes.
• 13:01
  Yeah, that's good.
• 13:02
  So surge came out.
• 13:03
  The soda surge came out in February of 97.
• 13:04
  This could have been the best promotional like drop date for a soda ever.
• 13:16
  Surge your face.
• 13:17
  He just pulls one out like busts a ball in his mouth.
• 13:23
  Like immediately like starts jumping over sofas and like ice skating through snowmen
• 13:29
  and shit.
• 13:30
  Oh, OK.
• 13:31
  Idea for the next round of busting a ball in your mouth.
• 13:33
  I can't believe that didn't get any reaction from anybody, but like we were we've heard
• 13:38
  us.
• 13:39
  You just can't do it.
• 13:40
  Two years later.
• 13:41
  Hey, I had to take a second try getting it out.
• 13:43
  I did.
• 13:44
  I was doing it for the next round.
• 13:47
  We look for weird product placement commercials at the same time at these movies because you
• 13:52
  know they're going to be some good ones.
• 13:53
  Yeah.
• 13:54
  I mean, Michael Bay definitely is prone to product placement.
• 13:57
  He likes money and America.
• 14:00
  God, he sure does love America and a good helicopter.
• 14:03
  And a jet.
• 14:04
  You think John C. McGinley's character is the same one from Full Metal Jacket?
• 14:08
  Who is that?
• 14:09
  Which actor?
• 14:10
  Dr. Cox.
• 14:11
  He was the one from Scrubs.
• 14:12
  Oh, yes.
• 14:13
  Definitely.
• 14:14
  He's the one that gets lit on fire and hung.
• 14:15
  Right.
• 14:16
  I don't remember.
• 14:17
  I've never seen Full Metal Jacket.
• 14:18
  Probably not going to at this point.
• 14:20
  It's pretty long.
• 14:21
  That's a long movie.
• 14:22
  True.
• 14:23
  Yeah.
• 14:24
  Also, these movies were both pretty long.
• 14:25
  Yeah.
• 14:26
  No, these movies both are.
• 14:27
  That was tough.
• 14:28
  Two hours, 10 minutes each.
• 14:29
  It's like, fuck.
• 14:30
  I watched both of them on at least one and a half speed because I was in a crunch time
• 14:35
  for consuming these movies.
• 14:37
  How was that?
• 14:38
  How was Sean Connery at one and a half speed?
• 14:41
  Pretty great.
• 14:42
  Connery.
• 14:43
  Connery at one and a half speed is great.
• 14:44
  The Rock's soundtrack at one and a half speed, not the best.
• 14:47
  Welcome to the Rock.
• 14:50
  Yeah.
• 14:51
  Oh, we need to remix that.
• 14:54
  Yeah, right.
• 14:55
  I had to take a break from watching all these long movies and I watched a crisp 90 minute
• 15:00
  movie to bring myself back to reality.
• 15:03
  Was it Highlander 2?
• 15:05
  It was Primal.
• 15:06
  Did you really watch it again?
• 15:07
  Fuck yeah, I watched Primal again.
• 15:08
  And you know what?
• 15:10
  That movie's even better when you sit on it for like six months and come back.
• 15:14
  Listen, that shit is good.
• 15:16
  I'm open to watching Primal again only because of fucking Army of One.
• 15:21
  Like that has opened my eyes to bad movies potentially being better on a second watch.
• 15:25
  Oh, it's so good.
• 15:26
  You're going to pram me one day and I'm going to admit I was wrong.
• 15:29
  That's not true.
• 15:30
  I was wrong.
• 15:31
  I'm an American.
• 15:32
  I don't have to.
• 15:33
  We're just going to insert it at the end of the bracket and it will win.
• 15:36
  Just insert it at number one.
• 15:38
  Yeah, it's like, oh, fuck.
• 15:39
  Look, it was here all along.
• 15:41
  That's the wild card.
• 15:42
  Yeah, we're going to rent the beacon out.
• 15:43
  We're going to have a special screening to watch two movies and it's just going to be
• 15:46
  Primal twice.
• 15:47
  Yeah, everyone's just going to hear at the back of the room.
• 15:50
  Sean, it doesn't know it's locked.
• 15:53
  You can't get out.
• 15:54
  You're stuck.
• 15:55
  Great White Jag.
• 15:56
  I don't know, I like the pacing of these movies like it was a different time when they came
• 16:01
  out.
• 16:02
  It was slower.
• 16:03
  You know, we were talking about commercial breaks.
• 16:04
  I think I definitely pause them.
• 16:06
  Right.
• 16:07
  And it's just a slower pace.
• 16:08
  It's like this is the 90s.
• 16:09
  I can put my phone down for the first time in 10 years.
• 16:10
  Right.
• 16:11
  It's nice.
• 16:12
  I have to say I was not looking forward to going back to the Rock just because I knew
• 16:17
  how long it was.
• 16:18
  And I have four fucking Michael Bay films.
• 16:20
  Yeah.
• 16:21
  Like I remember like I enjoyed it when we watched it the first time.
• 16:24
  But it was also up against Bangkok Dangerous.
• 16:26
  Right.
• 16:27
  Yeah.
• 16:28
  I mean, that's the most slam dunk you could possibly get.
• 16:30
  So I'm like, I was I was talking to Peter about this like I'm really not looking forward
• 16:34
  to this for just really the Michael Bay of it all.
• 16:37
  Yeah.
• 16:38
  And it's about 40 minutes in when, you know, toes start getting shot and it's just Connery
• 16:44
  and Cage where I'm just like, this movie slaps.
• 16:49
  This movie's pretty fucking when you get to the what the heart of it is about.
• 16:52
  Yeah.
• 16:53
  And when it just turns into the dumb action movie, I'm like, I'm sold.
• 16:57
  I do want to I do want to draw a comparison between the the exposition in the rock, which
• 17:03
  is extensive, as Sean just pointed out, and the exposition in National Treasure, which
• 17:08
  is aggressively small.
• 17:10
  Yeah, it's crisp.
• 17:12
  I mean, I found it to be offensively short.
• 17:14
  We'll get to that.
• 17:15
  I'm sure.
• 17:16
  Yes.
• 17:17
  This film does have all of like the great action star, like a bunch of great action
• 17:22
  stars in it.
• 17:23
  You got Michael Bean.
• 17:24
  Who?
• 17:25
  Fucking Hicks from fucking aliens.
• 17:28
  OK.
• 17:29
  Yeah.
• 17:30
  See, you said that and all I pictured was Mr. Bean.
• 17:32
  Yeah.
• 17:33
  And I knew that was not right.
• 17:34
  Atkinson was in this.
• 17:35
  Oh, yeah.
• 17:36
  Great.
• 17:37
  Dr. Cox and Rowan Atkinson.
• 17:38
  You can just imagine him in that like shower scene, just sort of wandering around it.
• 17:42
  Bullets are going over.
• 17:43
  Put your gun down.
• 17:44
  I love this movie so much more now.
• 17:51
  I feel like one of the things I couldn't stop thinking about when I was watching The Rock
• 17:57
  was like, was James Bond.
• 17:59
  Right.
• 18:00
  I feel like we have to talk about this.
• 18:02
  So like if James Bond was designed by Michael Bay and played by Sean Connery, not that much
• 18:08
  of a stretch.
• 18:09
  Right.
• 18:10
  Sean Connery's performance was deeply satisfying to me as a Bond fan.
• 18:14
  Yeah.
• 18:15
  Yeah.
• 18:16
  It's like this is the Bond that I've kind of always wanted, but never knew that I wanted.
• 18:19
  Yeah.
• 18:20
  I mean, there's conspiracy theory, whatever, that he is actually James Bond.
• 18:25
  I like it.
• 18:26
  Yeah.
• 18:27
  He's a British spy who's been in captivity for so close.
• 18:31
  30 years or whatever.
• 18:32
  Right there.
• 18:33
  Yeah.
• 18:34
  But he's got all the skills, you know, he's got the charm.
• 18:37
  None of the gadgets.
• 18:38
  None of the gadgets.
• 18:39
  Doesn't have to go away in prison.
• 18:41
  Yeah.
• 18:42
  Yeah.
• 18:43
  You got a key to at least one of those.
• 18:44
  I mean, he did throw a Womack off the fucking thing with like nothing.
• 18:47
  A bed sheet.
• 18:48
  Yeah.
• 18:49
  And he had a quarter to cut through the glass that was.
• 18:51
  It's pretty fucking bitching.
• 18:52
  Good move.
• 18:53
  Called a called room service, ordered up like a bunch of stuff to distract the guards.
• 18:57
  Yeah.
• 18:58
  It's pretty Bondian.
• 18:59
  I liked the way he used the the sheets or whatever to get out of the jail cell.
• 19:04
  Oh, yeah.
• 19:05
  It's called a lever.
• 19:06
  Oh, yeah.
• 19:07
  I loved the chase scene in the hotel where both Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage run the
• 19:12
  wrong way down an escalator when there's a perfectly good not used staircase next to
• 19:17
  them next to it.
• 19:18
  So the two scenes in this movie that I think you could entirely cut out the car chase.
• 19:25
  Stupid as fuck.
• 19:26
  It wasn't in the script.
• 19:27
  We talked about.
• 19:28
  Yeah, it's dumb.
• 19:29
  There's no reason for it other than the Michael Bay of it all.
• 19:30
  Did he just improv?
• 19:31
  Pretty much.
• 19:32
  He's like, I don't know, guys, let's just get out there.
• 19:35
  It's just San Francisco.
• 19:36
  I've never done one with a trolley in it.
• 19:38
  And since we're in San Francisco, we might as well.
• 19:41
  Yeah.
• 19:42
  Green Rider like specifically complain that like that it didn't make sense for the pacing
• 19:45
  of the film.
• 19:46
  It made sense for Nicolas Cage's character and Michael Bay's like, nobody gives a fuck
• 19:50
  about your story.
• 19:51
  What people want.
• 19:52
  What's going to put butts in seats is car chases.
• 19:55
  I do love car chases.
• 19:56
  I do, too.
• 19:57
  Yeah.
• 19:58
  But having really needed a boat chase, though, we had all that water that was getting unused.
• 20:02
  Which would make so much more sense for San Francisco because having grown up in San Francisco,
• 20:06
  the streets are boat chases, boat chases.
• 20:08
  Well, because there's so much fucking traffic like.
• 20:10
  Right.
• 20:11
  Not chaseable.
• 20:12
  Yeah.
• 20:13
  Driving down California.
• 20:14
  I'm like, there's no way that it's not bumper to bumper.
• 20:15
  Even then.
• 20:16
  And then the other scene that I think that you could really drop was the like cart mine
• 20:22
  cart situation.
• 20:23
  Like when I turned into Temple of Doom for some reason, that was that was tough.
• 20:27
  That was strange.
• 20:28
  I mean, the car chase was a palate cleanser for me.
• 20:30
  I'm like, OK, I don't pay attention to this.
• 20:32
  Correct.
• 20:33
  It's an intermezzo in this, you know, in this whatever structure it is.
• 20:38
  When they got to the rock, did they take the little like underwater speedy, speedy things?
• 20:45
  Did they do that?
• 20:46
  Yeah.
• 20:47
  I was going very fast, so I didn't see that.
• 20:48
  So were they.
• 20:49
  So that's that's both of these movies, these little underwater speedy things.
• 20:53
  Yeah.
• 20:54
  Oh, yeah.
• 20:55
  I didn't think about that.
• 20:56
  Yeah, there's there's little connections.
• 20:57
  Yeah.
• 20:58
  Not just a microfilm at the end.
• 20:59
  Also, here's a weird connection.
• 21:01
  So in the past couple of weeks, as I've been watching these films, also been rewatching
• 21:04
  some parks and rec, which is definitely a comfort show for me.
• 21:08
  Right.
• 21:09
  These two movies are both mentioned in parks and rec by Andy.
• 21:13
  That tracks.
• 21:14
  So Andy is apparently a cage fan, which tracks to me and they're they go to Washington, talks
• 21:20
  about National Treasure, and then they go to California like a season later.
• 21:24
  And they talk about the rock like this is spooky.
• 21:28
  For Nick and Sean.
• 21:30
  It's been mostly a year since we watched this.
• 21:32
  What did you guys think about it on rewatch?
• 21:36
  I zone out for I mean, for large chunks of this film.
• 21:39
  Yeah, the rock still struggles to hold my attention.
• 21:43
  Yeah.
• 21:44
  I hate and I know some of these are just like things that Nicholas Cage just put in.
• 21:49
  They were little ad libs like kind of a beetle maniac.
• 21:53
  Oh, fucking shut up.
• 21:55
  I I hate that line.
• 21:58
  Yeah.
• 21:59
  Who who fucking goes around just say, oh, I'm kind of a beetle maniac.
• 22:03
  You got to listen to it on vinyl.
• 22:05
  It's just better.
• 22:06
  Who's first pressing?
• 22:07
  It never comes up again.
• 22:08
  They say next to my like pretty large growing vinyl collection.
• 22:13
  Well, yeah, I had a.
• 22:15
  Yeah, but you've never made me listen to the Beatles.
• 22:17
  No.
• 22:18
  And when you do, I'll leave.
• 22:20
  But I like he does have the clock, which we used to pick up on the on the microphones.
• 22:25
  And if you ever fix it, I'll break it again.
• 22:28
  I do like how he says he's a beetle maniac.
• 22:30
  He spent what?
• 22:31
  Eight hundred dollars.
• 22:32
  Impressively not into the Beatles, I guess.
• 22:33
  And then he gets out when his girlfriend gets home.
• 22:37
  He's not listening to the Beatles because they probably couldn't get the license.
• 22:40
  Oh, yeah.
• 22:41
  No.
• 22:42
  Oh, very expensive.
• 22:43
  Michael Jackson would have had him at that point.
• 22:45
  Oh, yeah.
• 22:46
  I don't know what the licensing costs were when he had him, but probably still high.
• 22:52
  Yeah.
• 22:53
  Going back, I can like the thoughts I have in this movie, because like I said, I kind
• 22:56
  of, you know, fuck a Michael Bay, I check out a lot.
• 22:58
  There's a lot of unnecessary like military hurrah and exposition.
• 23:02
  So it's.
• 23:03
  OK, military funeral.
• 23:04
  All right.
• 23:05
  They're breaking into a military base.
• 23:08
  Those look like anal beads.
• 23:10
  There's Nick Cage.
• 23:11
  There's Sean Connery.
• 23:12
  All right, here we go.
• 23:13
  You definitely don't want to put those in your butt, though.
• 23:15
  No, no, that's bad for the butt.
• 23:17
  Yeah, that is not good.
• 23:19
  So my feelings on this the second time watching it were pretty similar to you guys, where
• 23:23
  it was like, I don't know, this movie is kind of stupid.
• 23:26
  I don't like it that much.
• 23:29
  And then you have a moment where you're like, nice.
• 23:30
  This is fun.
• 23:31
  And then you go back to being like, it's this this fucking scene.
• 23:35
  And then it's like, oh, fucking right on.
• 23:37
  Yeah, it's a roller coaster.
• 23:39
  Whenever I was pretty amped.
• 23:41
  Whenever Nick Cage and Sean Connery are together, it's great.
• 23:44
  Yes.
• 23:45
  You split them up.
• 23:46
  It's less great.
• 23:48
  Yeah.
• 23:49
  Yeah, that's true.
• 23:51
  The more distance between the characters, the worse the movie gets.
• 23:55
  And then the whole third act twist where the villain is like was never going to like bomb
• 23:59
  San Francisco was all a veil threat.
• 24:01
  But then his goons.
• 24:03
  Well, spoiler alert.
• 24:05
  I don't watch this yet.
• 24:08
  But his goons like turn on him and they're going to like bomb San Francisco either way.
• 24:14
  These goods are fucking assholes.
• 24:16
  Yeah, that was like it was like too little too late character development for me.
• 24:20
  Yeah, it's just like this is not we're past this point.
• 24:23
  We should have we should have found out about his personality earlier in the movie.
• 24:26
  Yeah.
• 24:27
  If this was going to happen.
• 24:28
  Remember how these guys were going to do all of this for a million a piece?
• 24:31
  Yeah, a million dollars.
• 24:33
  That's 96 million is like, I don't know, one point one point eight or something.
• 24:38
  No, it's more than that.
• 24:39
  Probably more than.
• 24:40
  Yeah.
• 24:41
  Yeah.
• 24:42
  But still, it's not like a crazy amount of money to do huge murder.
• 24:47
  Yeah.
• 24:48
  Mm hmm.
• 24:49
  A million dollars.
• 24:50
  And you're a terrorist whether you succeed or not.
• 24:52
  Well, it's true.
• 24:53
  I guess it was to get the million dollars to not do murder.
• 24:56
  Yeah.
• 24:57
  I bet a million dollars could get you pretty far in Bangkok.
• 25:01
  Might be dangerous.
• 25:02
  Ah, beat me to it.
• 25:03
  But also, I hate both of us.
• 25:05
  Yeah, I don't I don't really have a lot to add about this film.
• 25:09
  It's it's a romp when it's a romp and it's very ignorable when it's not a romp.
• 25:14
  How about the ending?
• 25:17
  I don't remember it.
• 25:19
  Oh, fucking.
• 25:20
  Oh, wait, which ending?
• 25:22
  Both parts.
• 25:23
  But yeah, the regular ending we can talk about and then also the yeah, the tie in.
• 25:27
  Oh, Nicholas Cage just down on his knees.
• 25:31
  Like, oh, the flares.
• 25:34
  And then somehow he chose the right like, did they ever tell him which direction they
• 25:40
  were going to nuke the place from or whatever?
• 25:42
  I mean, it would have been from the same direction as the airbase or the base they were at.
• 25:46
  But I mean, that's just circumstantial that he walked out that door.
• 25:49
  Yeah.
• 25:50
  Do we really want to fucking start picking this up this movie apart?
• 25:52
  Yeah, that's what this podcast is.
• 25:54
  Yeah, we're dorks about dumb shit.
• 25:57
  True.
• 25:58
  And I like, you know, I'm very willing to suspend disbelief for that.
• 26:03
  It's a good it's a good image.
• 26:04
  It's a good moment.
• 26:05
  I like it.
• 26:06
  He does get blown up and but is absolutely fine afterwards with like with thermites.
• 26:12
  Yeah.
• 26:13
  Right.
• 26:14
  Right.
• 26:15
  Ones away.
• 26:16
  He probably fell in a puddle that kept him cool.
• 26:18
  Deep puddle.
• 26:19
  Yeah, very deep puddle.
• 26:20
  Yeah.
• 26:21
  The Bay.
• 26:22
  Thank you.
• 26:23
  Like, I'm trying to we don't see the hostages again after like the second time we see them.
• 26:29
  Do the do we know that the hostages get out?
• 26:32
  It's like a second.
• 26:33
  I think there is any confirmation.
• 26:35
  I feel like there was some sort of them getting released because otherwise, like the US government
• 26:40
  was just going to blow up a bunch of civilians.
• 26:44
  Right.
• 26:45
  Those were acceptable losses compared to all of San Francisco.
• 26:47
  Fair.
• 26:48
  I mean, yeah, you do the trolley problem on that one.
• 26:52
  And then we actually saw the trolley.
• 26:53
  We saw a trolley blow up, which also that thing flew when it blew up.
• 26:57
  Yeah.
• 26:58
  Michael Bay.
• 26:59
  Yeah.
• 27:00
  Why did the trolley blow up?
• 27:01
  There's no fuel in those.
• 27:02
  Yeah.
• 27:03
  Yeah.
• 27:04
  No, it just it just came to it just careened to a stop than just exploded.
• 27:08
  It just slowed down in an intersection and then burst into flames.
• 27:14
  It's the Michael Bay juice.
• 27:15
  It's in there.
• 27:16
  It's got the juice.
• 27:17
  Gross.
• 27:18
  Don't let it touch you.
• 27:21
  Yeah, I.
• 27:24
  The same stuff that's in the little heart shot.
• 27:27
  Yeah, exactly.
• 27:28
  Straight to the.
• 27:29
  Oh, OK.
• 27:30
  Thank you for saying that.
• 27:31
  That was the other thing that I remember about this movie.
• 27:32
  It was like you've got to inject it directly into your heart.
• 27:34
  You know, that was the other thing.
• 27:35
  And I was like, I don't remember how that works, but I'm excited to see that big, big
• 27:39
  needle.
• 27:40
  Oh, what's up with the fucking switchblade needle like syringe?
• 27:45
  Oh, yeah.
• 27:46
  The military gives him it's like he like pushes a button and the needle part sticks out.
• 27:51
  It's safer that way.
• 27:52
  Probably less like but does that exist?
• 27:56
  I don't know.
• 27:57
  I don't know.
• 27:58
  That seems so ridiculous.
• 27:59
  And like where does it go?
• 28:01
  Does it go back up into the serum?
• 28:04
  And then like it comes out and it's juicing and with serum, you got to put it and it's
• 28:09
  like sticky now.
• 28:10
  It's like a.
• 28:11
  I don't want to lube.
• 28:12
  That's gross.
• 28:13
  What if it gets dirt on it?
• 28:14
  And now it's in my heart.
• 28:15
  I feel like it's one of those things where like it doesn't have to be perfect because
• 28:18
  When you get to the point that you're going to use it, you're going to use it.
• 28:22
  You got like I have reservations.
• 28:24
  I mean, it's like I mean, it's like a seat belt, right?
• 28:26
  It's like if you really need it, it might break your ribs,
• 28:28
  but it'll save your life.
• 28:29
  What if a dog licked it?
• 28:30
  Not a seat belt, but the needle.
• 28:33
  Dogs have dirty mouths.
• 28:34
  I would I would take the risk of having to take some antibiotics
• 28:37
  and go over the VX.
• 28:40
  What what if?
• 28:43
  I don't know what if two dogs looked at it?
• 28:45
  Yeah, what if two dogs were?
• 28:47
  How many dogs?
• 28:49
  Don't infinite dogs.
• 28:51
  Yeah, they're just looking over by their side.
• 28:53
  I've seen that.
• 28:53
  We would I would talk.
• 28:54
  Take the needle if it had a visible crap on it,
• 28:58
  like visible, just like unidentified, like slaz on the needle.
• 29:03
  Any debris that wasn't a chemical weapon, because you're right,
• 29:06
  you can just take antibiotics afterwards.
• 29:08
  Right. Be like, I didn't die from the VX.
• 29:10
  I will need some pills.
• 29:12
  What if for what if it's not pills?
• 29:15
  What if you have to continue taking heart shots for the rest of your life?
• 29:18
  Because you have every five minutes in your heart now.
• 29:20
  I'd rather have to make a decision later
• 29:24
  than to just die immediately from the VX.
• 29:27
  I've made the decision later, and I usually end up regretting it.
• 29:31
  That's you.
• 29:32
  Like, why weren't they using those beads to fight the terrorists more?
• 29:37
  Yeah, just like Chuck.
• 29:38
  Like once you've got a couple like they did it once.
• 29:41
  Well, that's your greatest weapon.
• 29:44
  They did say a drop of that would wipe out like eight city blocks.
• 29:49
  Yeah, I suppose they would have to be in a contained space. Right.
• 29:53
  Yeah. You just go up somewhere high and be like,
• 29:56
  there's a fucking terrorist and you throw it at him and then you're fine.
• 30:00
  Which actually this kind of is close the door.
• 30:02
  This explains the one shot ready thermite missile that does hit
• 30:06
  because it clears out the gas that he did create. Right.
• 30:09
  So it's not that everyone else on the island would have died from that.
• 30:12
  Oh, because they fucking would have. Yeah.
• 30:15
  Yeah. Was it a whole string of pearls that got?
• 30:18
  No, it was just a one.
• 30:19
  He like put it in his mouth.
• 30:20
  I don't think that was.
• 30:21
  Cocked him or some shit.
• 30:22
  This is one one drop, baby.
• 30:24
  Yeah, they said one drop would like wipe out like a number of city.
• 30:27
  OK, fine.
• 30:28
  They were probably exaggerating.
• 30:31
  Do you want to take that?
• 30:32
  We're going with Michael Bay logic.
• 30:34
  I'll I'll just die.
• 30:36
  All right. I'll either die wrong or die right.
• 30:39
  Well, I mean, yeah.
• 30:40
  Just take the poop shot in your heart, man.
• 30:43
  Yeah, I'll I'll poop shot you.
• 30:45
  You poop shot me.
• 30:46
  I don't like where this is going.
• 30:48
  All right. So where do you guys put this on the grid?
• 30:51
  Good movie.
• 30:52
  Good performance.
• 30:54
  Bad movie. Good performance.
• 30:56
  Good, bad, bad, good, good, good, bad, bad.
• 30:58
  I don't know.
• 31:00
  Yeah, this is a real struggle.
• 31:02
  This is like it has like I said, it has its moments.
• 31:05
  Nicholas Cage's portray his acting is kind of all over the shop.
• 31:10
  I think it's 50, 50, 50, 50.
• 31:13
  I was going to say this is this is very much.
• 31:15
  Just dead center.
• 31:17
  Yeah.
• 31:18
  I mean, if anything, it would like I would say lean good on movie.
• 31:23
  Like I don't see.
• 31:23
  I don't think it's a mid film where it's just meh.
• 31:27
  But there's a lot of like a lot of peaks and valleys.
• 31:31
  And it just kind of meets in the middle.
• 31:33
  But Sean Connery's outstanding.
• 31:34
  Yeah, great Sean Connery.
• 31:36
  Yeah, great Sean Connery.
• 31:38
  Fine cage. Yeah.
• 31:39
  Inoffensive Nick Cage.
• 31:41
  So again, I think performances lean good.
• 31:44
  Well, inoffensive, he definitely doesn't like swear and stuff
• 31:48
  like we get a national treasure.
• 31:49
  We can talk about offensive acting.
• 31:52
  Oh, that's fire.
• 31:55
  But yeah, let's talk about the outro of this of the rock.
• 31:58
  Yeah, they find out who killed JFK.
• 32:01
  Right. Because Sean Connery is James Bond.
• 32:03
  Yeah, and had info had.
• 32:05
  Yeah, had the true Zapruder film.
• 32:07
  Yeah, I loved it.
• 32:09
  Love, love the extra ending.
• 32:11
  Yeah, it's fun.
• 32:13
  It's so dumb and doesn't really do anything with this film, but I love it.
• 32:16
  Right. It's like by the time I've gotten to this point, I'm like, you know what?
• 32:19
  Why not? This is lovely.
• 32:21
  I mean, it's that's a very stupid rock, too, as a concept.
• 32:25
  But didn't happen.
• 32:26
  Didn't because we didn't need to because we got national treasure.
• 32:29
  Like because they return to the rock.
• 32:32
  No, it's a it's a crossover with House Party Rock the House.
• 32:38
  Where's that mute button?
• 32:40
  You're not the producer.
• 32:42
  No, but I'm still able to reach you.
• 32:44
  I think you're too.
• 32:45
  Your arms are there.
• 32:46
  So you could do it.
• 32:49
  Peter would never notice.
• 32:51
  It's true. I didn't notice that Seth was muted for the first like 10 minutes.
• 32:54
  So I was just letting you do your setup.
• 32:57
  Yeah, I appreciate that.
• 32:58
  I don't know why the pastor preacher, whatever, at the end was so mad at them.
• 33:03
  Why couldn't they just talk to him?
• 33:04
  Yeah. Be like, we've got a really great story to tell you, Father.
• 33:08
  We just need this one pew leg.
• 33:10
  Like just indulge us.
• 33:11
  We'll give you we'll give you a donation.
• 33:13
  We'll give you a thousand dollars.
• 33:15
  I assume they got married there, right?
• 33:16
  I've got this really nice green gem.
• 33:19
  I think they just stop there on their.
• 33:21
  Drop it. Honeymoon.
• 33:23
  Because they like pull up and then she's in the car.
• 33:26
  Yeah, she's just waiting in the car.
• 33:28
  Does it cause they just married?
• 33:29
  I think so. Yeah, I think it's got the cans and everything.
• 33:32
  I don't I don't think he could weasel out of that at the end of the movie.
• 33:35
  Like, no.
• 33:36
  Marrying his pregnant wife.
• 33:38
  Who's Catholic, so had to get married.
• 33:40
  That's right. Weird detail.
• 33:42
  Yeah. To include.
• 33:43
  OK, no, I do have something I want to talk about.
• 33:44
  Sorry, that was like so
• 33:47
  this movie when they have when they're having sex on the rooftop,
• 33:51
  she's got like pigtails and she's like trying to do like,
• 33:54
  oh, I'm a sexy school girl kind of thing.
• 33:56
  And in one of the Transformers ones,
• 33:59
  I think it's Transformers five.
• 34:00
  It's one of the Walberg ones.
• 34:01
  Wait, you said you hate Michael Bay movies.
• 34:03
  You've seen Transformers five.
• 34:05
  I have not seen it, but there's some discourse around
• 34:08
  there being a character who's dating Mark Wahlberg's daughter's character,
• 34:12
  who's like 17 in the film.
• 34:15
  And the guy's like 28.
• 34:17
  And they make a point of like, she's a minor.
• 34:20
  And the guy pulls out like his wallet and has a laminated card about like,
• 34:24
  well, here are the laws in this state.
• 34:27
  You grow.
• 34:28
  Yeah, we talked about this at one point.
• 34:30
  I remember this story. Yeah.
• 34:31
  So just like, you know, there's a there's a thing there with
• 34:35
  Bay and uncomfortable that in the.
• 34:38
  We know nothing about that is good.
• 34:39
  Hold on. Wait, what?
• 34:41
  How is it just the pigtails made you think of that?
• 34:45
  Don't you like golf?
• 34:46
  Unlike, you know, sexy schoolgirl, he's like, yeah, sexy schoolgirl.
• 34:49
  I don't know. I watched it at one and a half or two speed at that point.
• 34:51
  So it's cool.
• 34:53
  Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, you're right.
• 34:55
  That's just making me think about two things.
• 34:58
  Weird, dirty talk like, oh, yeah, I'm a I'm a filthy fucking minor.
• 35:02
  Don't you don't you like my filthy minors?
• 35:04
  And then also like, what if she just whipped her head around like this a lot
• 35:08
  and just bitch slapped him with her pigtails repeatedly?
• 35:11
  I also like these are two very unsexy moments.
• 35:16
  When you said filthy minor, I immediately thought M.I.N.E.R.
• 35:19
  My that's what I thought. Black lung.
• 35:22
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 35:24
  Who's the canary now, baby?
• 35:26
  Oh, and then you just fucking Dutch ovener.
• 35:32
  God. OK, the rock. That's it.
• 35:35
  We did it. And.
• 35:39
  Man, I'm sad that Valentine's Day passed
• 35:42
  because I totally would dress up like a minor and it's like sexy.
• 35:46
  Minor. Yeah, just wait in bed and be like, hmm, girl, I'm a sexy minor.
• 35:50
  Don't you want to get with this sexy minor?
• 35:52
  He's a pickaxe over your shoulder.
• 35:54
  Yeah. Common bedtime accessories.
• 36:00
  It's a pickaxe, but it's got it's a double headed dildo.
• 36:05
  Just floppy.
• 36:06
  But on a stick from a minor.
• 36:10
  It's a national treasure.
• 36:11
  Oh, that joke was a national treasure.
• 36:14
  Nick, you might be a national treasure.
• 36:17
  And a criminal with this.
• 36:18
  It's both a criminal. Yeah.
• 36:21
  So you had some thoughts on the the forced exposition at the start at this one.
• 36:25
  Oh, let's get a quick
• 36:26
  second sentence of summary summarization
• 36:30
  or all the people who don't know what national treasure is.
• 36:33
  I'm going to steal the Declaration of Independence. Nice. OK.
• 36:36
  And they do. And there's a map on the back, which leads to more clues.
• 36:39
  And then they find like.
• 36:40
  Well, there is not a map.
• 36:43
  It's about the Knights Templar treasure more than stealing
• 36:46
  the Declaration of Independence. Yes.
• 36:48
  That's really like Act two of a five act. Yeah.
• 36:52
  Mm hmm. Who's the other guy?
• 36:54
  Ed Harris. Is it Ed Harris from the rock?
• 36:57
  Oh, he's in the rock.
• 36:58
  Yeah. Sean Bean.
• 36:59
  Sean Bean. Yeah. Double Bean. Mr. Bean.
• 37:03
  Yeah. We got a two bean situation.
• 37:04
  It's a double bean. You're right.
• 37:06
  I was delighted to see Sean Bean. Me too.
• 37:08
  He had really, really bad hair.
• 37:10
  Yeah, it was really disgusting. He's a villain, though.
• 37:13
  So please, Malcolm.
• 37:14
  I mean, Riley, Riley Poole had bad hair, too.
• 37:16
  I mean, I think it was just the the era of like shitty big pants and bad hair.
• 37:23
  Also, just I loved Riley. I love I love the bumbling sidekick.
• 37:26
  I love big pants.
• 37:28
  I used to love wearing jankos.
• 37:30
  I was a jankos fool.
• 37:31
  Jankos. OK. Hell, yeah, dude.
• 37:33
  Now I know you. Yeah.
• 37:35
  And they were all worn out on the bottom, like bottom backs,
• 37:38
  because like you don't have them.
• 37:40
  You got to walk a mile.
• 37:40
  You just like. Yeah.
• 37:42
  Playing some fucking hacky sack.
• 37:44
  I don't know. I mean, like where I grew up, the Jinko kids always had salt stains
• 37:47
  because of the road salt.
• 37:48
  Oh, like, yeah, my salt stains were horrible. Yeah.
• 37:53
  Extra horrible.
• 37:56
  No, we were.
• 37:57
  Oh, God. Well, mischief did we get into in middle school?
• 38:00
  We would take slices of American cheese from the cafeteria
• 38:05
  and then we put ranch on it because then you could use the ranch
• 38:08
  to glue it to the bottom of cafeteria tables. Oh, good.
• 38:11
  And then it would just sit there until the ranch rotted off
• 38:14
  and then somebody would get like flaky ass dry cheese falling in their lap.
• 38:19
  That's good. You are a criminal. Horrible.
• 38:21
  How about turtling?
• 38:22
  I'm talking about middle school pranks.
• 38:24
  What? At this point, is this not a poop thing?
• 38:26
  Not a poop thing.
• 38:27
  Surprisingly, it's where you it's where you take all the stuff out of someone's backpack.
• 38:32
  Turn the backpack inside out, put the stuff back in the backpack and zip it up.
• 38:37
  I've never heard of this.
• 38:39
  I'm on I'm on the search for someone else who has heard of this
• 38:41
  because it seems to be unique to where I grew up.
• 38:44
  That's incredible. No, I've never heard of that.
• 38:47
  It's like the perfect combination of extremely annoying, but also innocuous.
• 38:51
  That's incredible. Perfect.
• 38:53
  Uh, no, never turtle. OK.
• 38:56
  Doesn't harm anybody, right?
• 38:57
  It's just annoying because it's very hard to reopen.
• 39:00
  You can't pick it up.
• 39:01
  All the handles are on the inside. Oh, damn. Yeah.
• 39:03
  So it's just like this egg full of like loose books.
• 39:06
  It's just like six minutes to get to class.
• 39:09
  Better take your book egg.
• 39:13
  That is just a beautiful, beautiful prank.
• 39:16
  It's pretty perfect.
• 39:17
  I do like that.
• 39:18
  Get ready to be turtled, Sean.
• 39:21
  I don't have a backpack.
• 39:23
  Or get ready to get a backpack for your birthday.
• 39:26
  Like, oh, well, all your shit already in it.
• 39:30
  Yeah, good old fashioned Jan sport.
• 39:32
  Break into your house, take your shit, put it in an inside out backpack
• 39:36
  and gift it to you.
• 39:38
  That's an amazing bit.
• 39:40
  You don't do it for my birthday.
• 39:41
  Maybe real mad.
• 39:42
  That's I don't even know when your birthday is.
• 39:44
  Good. Let's keep it that way.
• 39:46
  We know too much about each other already.
• 39:49
  Like each other's names.
• 39:51
  All right. So, Seth, had you seen National Treasure?
• 39:53
  You know what? When I selected this episode,
• 39:56
  which you gave me the list of open episodes, I thought I had.
• 39:59
  Turns out that was wrong. I had not seen it.
• 40:01
  Had you seen National Treasure, too?
• 40:02
  No. Oh, wait, was that one with my rush more?
• 40:06
  Yes. And Ed Harris.
• 40:07
  I think I had seen.
• 40:08
  Oh, see, I knew there was an ad.
• 40:10
  Thank you for putting this together.
• 40:12
  I had seen that one.
• 40:13
  I was like, where's my rush more?
• 40:14
  All right.
• 40:15
  So how did you find it on your first watch?
• 40:18
  I mean, exposition was offensive, was so short.
• 40:22
  It was like it was like whiplash.
• 40:24
  It was like it was like they were.
• 40:26
  It was like the filmmakers were really resentful if they had to do it at all.
• 40:32
  You should watch Sorcerer's Apprentice if you thought this was forced.
• 40:35
  OK, this is that's a good.
• 40:37
  Yeah, that's a good good little teaser.
• 40:40
  I did love that opening with him in the attic with his grandpa.
• 40:46
  Yeah. And his grandpa is just such a shit.
• 40:48
  And he's just like, yeah, really hard to watch that whole thing.
• 40:51
  He's like, and also you learn the character's name is Benjamin Franklin Gates.
• 40:54
  Like, oh, my God.
• 40:56
  And what's the what's his dad's name?
• 40:58
  Like, they all have shit names.
• 41:00
  It doesn't matter.
• 41:01
  I don't have my phone on me.
• 41:02
  I thought it was Benjamin Franklin Gates.
• 41:04
  I thought they were just like, they're just all Benjamin Franklin Gates.
• 41:06
  Right. Yeah.
• 41:07
  No, it's something else.
• 41:09
  I can't remember either.
• 41:10
  It doesn't matter.
• 41:10
  John Patrick Henry Gates.
• 41:13
  I think that's actually it is something like that.
• 41:17
  Actually, I think it is Patrick.
• 41:18
  Well, unlike how it's like it's like this, this like
• 41:21
  Dagwood sandwich of conspiracy theories did not like.
• 41:24
  Fuck. Yeah.
• 41:25
  Talk to me in sandwich terms.
• 41:26
  I would love it if this this just became a sandwich podcast.
• 41:30
  I'm sure I mean, that's out there.
• 41:31
  Yeah. I'm sure there's room for one more.
• 41:34
  You know, they're like Knights Templar, masons, founding fathers,
• 41:39
  like the Holy Grail not in there, but I was expecting the Holy Grail.
• 41:41
  And then I don't know.
• 41:43
  I was just like, this is way too much.
• 41:45
  Way too much.
• 41:46
  We never get straight into magic.
• 41:48
  But that's probably what the third movie would be if it ever happened.
• 41:50
  Oh, what kind of magic?
• 41:53
  I mean, I kind of think it's more like, you know, yeah.
• 41:56
  Indiana Jones style.
• 41:58
  There you go. Yeah.
• 41:59
  Not really magic, but it's magic. Yeah.
• 42:03
  Yeah. I mean, some of the stuff in National Treasure was kind of like that, too.
• 42:07
  Like the 3D glasses from the 1700s.
• 42:10
  Yeah. It kind of means lean's a little magical.
• 42:13
  The way he just magically finds the nameplate for the fucking boat.
• 42:18
  And it's like the closest thing to the surface of the ice.
• 42:22
  Yeah. And it's oriented properly for him to read it.
• 42:26
  To pour his water on it.
• 42:27
  God, it pisses me off so much.
• 42:29
  And that's one of those critical moments in a movie where it's like, OK,
• 42:33
  we're going to test your suspension of disbelief right now.
• 42:36
  If you're not into this movie, you're going to find out. Yeah.
• 42:39
  Right now. And I appreciate that.
• 42:40
  It does not get more challenging going forward.
• 42:44
  This is as much as we're going to ask of you. Yeah.
• 42:46
  Can you hang? Yeah.
• 42:48
  You just have to be ready.
• 42:49
  He's going to use a pipe with his blood to like roll out a message.
• 42:55
  OK. Oh, yeah.
• 42:56
  It was really necessary.
• 42:57
  He loses the pipe or does Malcolm have the pipe for a while?
• 43:02
  Because he has it at the end again.
• 43:03
  Does he get? That's a good question.
• 43:05
  He gets it back.
• 43:06
  Yeah. Sean Bean gives it back to get the last bit of information or whatever.
• 43:10
  He gives back the declaration.
• 43:11
  He gives back the Mirsham pipe. OK.
• 43:14
  I love how they talk about the pipe as if like a Mirsham pipe is some like,
• 43:18
  whoa, so rare.
• 43:19
  It's like, no, it's like a fucking lightweight porous shitty stone.
• 43:24
  Yeah. Like I used to own a Mirsham pipe.
• 43:27
  It wasn't. Was it carved sick as hell like that?
• 43:30
  It's a sweet boat.
• 43:31
  I think it was carved like a dragon.
• 43:33
  That's pretty tight. Yeah.
• 43:35
  What kind of treasure do you think that unlocks?
• 43:38
  Probably tobacco, not ladies pants.
• 43:43
  Tell you that for free.
• 43:45
  Yeah, what what Jinko jeans does that unlock?
• 43:49
  Oh, Lord.
• 43:52
  So we had a little disagreement with us on our first go around.
• 43:55
  I still maintain their theft of the declaration is a decent
• 44:00
  is decently heisty.
• 44:02
  Them having to like, you know, hack the nudes to get the camera going.
• 44:07
  Like they do a good.
• 44:08
  It's a very small.
• 44:10
  Yeah. It's like.
• 44:11
  Does a shitty heist. Malcolm just breaks.
• 44:13
  Well, that's not a heist. That's just right. Burglary.
• 44:15
  Yeah. It's a heist two ways.
• 44:17
  And I really appreciated that.
• 44:18
  I was like, this is the elegant way.
• 44:19
  And this is the Michael Bay way to do a heist.
• 44:21
  And there's, you know, see a big fan. Right.
• 44:25
  Yeah, pretty much.
• 44:27
  Which I don't know if just throw it.
• 44:28
  I'd have to rewatch that scene.
• 44:30
  I don't think just throwing chains at a fan, maybe two chains.
• 44:35
  Yeah.
• 44:36
  Did you have chains on your jeans?
• 44:38
  You just kick that rapper into a fan.
• 44:41
  And I'll shut it down to chains and.
• 44:43
  I don't think I don't think.
• 44:45
  That's a tagline for this episode.
• 44:47
  Just be an inconvenience.
• 44:50
  I OK, I do kind of like it when you look at it as the dichotomy of a Michael
• 44:54
  Bay heist versus like we're trying to do a ocean oceanless, whatever kind of.
• 44:59
  Ocean's to here's a lot of moving parts to Franklin.
• 45:03
  Franklin's to.
• 45:04
  Yeah, it's to.
• 45:06
  There were some of the things with like getting the glass from her
• 45:09
  to get the fingerprints where I'm like, that's so fucking convoluted.
• 45:13
  Getting Bondi. Yeah. Yeah.
• 45:15
  Yeah. But that was fun.
• 45:16
  I mean, it's this is just supposed to be a romp and it's mostly like children.
• 45:22
  Both these movies, I was shocked by the like age appropriateness of them
• 45:26
  in both ways, like The Rock was like way more
• 45:30
  R rated than I remember.
• 45:31
  And National Treasure, I was like waiting for anything to happen.
• 45:36
  And then like halfway through, I'm like, oh my God, this is like a PG movie.
• 45:38
  Yeah, he just fucking edgy all the way through.
• 45:40
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 45:41
  But in both both cases, it's like these are I feel like I remember them both
• 45:45
  as being very like middle ground.
• 45:47
  But they get horny with some lemons, though. Yeah, they do.
• 45:51
  Oh, yeah. When they have to breathe on.
• 45:52
  Oh, that's a good audio there.
• 45:56
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 45:58
  So these mics are for.
• 46:00
  Yeah, we haven't really put these mics to their paces yet for mouth noises.
• 46:02
  That's true. I'm working on it this time.
• 46:04
  Yeah, I've done all the classics.
• 46:05
  Do some foley work.
• 46:09
  Do some better foley work.
• 46:12
  I don't have anything to fully with.
• 46:15
  I like how you're like, I'm doing all the mouth noises
• 46:19
  and you're like, do some foley work and he goes immediately to non
• 46:22
  mouth based foley work.
• 46:25
  That tells a lot about you, Sean.
• 46:27
  I don't I don't have a lot of mouth based foley work.
• 46:31
  Is there what is mouth based fully work? I guess.
• 46:33
  Yeah, yeah.
• 46:35
  Oh, yeah, that's good.
• 46:36
  It drops of water in a cave.
• 46:38
  Yeah, wind. Wind. Good.
• 46:40
  Yeah. Oh, I feel it.
• 46:42
  Yeah. OK. My hair.
• 46:44
  That was good. I liked it.
• 46:47
  What we're talking about.
• 46:49
  I know. Still this movie.
• 46:51
  I enjoy how heisty was it.
• 46:53
  I mean, minimally, I mean, they do a heist.
• 46:56
  They do a heist.
• 46:57
  Then there's a lot of problem solving and some like.
• 47:00
  Oh, does anyone remember like the old well, where's Waldo cartoon?
• 47:03
  Oh, yeah. No.
• 47:05
  The cartoon. Oh, wait, cartoon.
• 47:06
  Yeah. No, there was like.
• 47:08
  That sounds like a shit cartoon.
• 47:09
  Like you just turn it on is like, where is Waldo's not even in this
• 47:13
  the guy that sounds like a screen saver.
• 47:15
  Yeah. Now the cartoon.
• 47:17
  This was a thing like it's really he had his girlfriend, Wenda,
• 47:22
  and there was odd law, his rival.
• 47:23
  Yes, those are characters from the books, too.
• 47:25
  And he had a magical cane that take him to different worlds.
• 47:29
  I think that's also just from the books.
• 47:31
  They were just have good imagination.
• 47:32
  Are you sure your parents didn't just tape
• 47:35
  pages from the books on the TV and leave you?
• 47:38
  No, they were too busy dying.
• 47:41
  No, I had these on VHS. These were a thing.
• 47:43
  So your parents sat you down with where's Waldo on VHS.
• 47:46
  Yeah. My parents would send me to the babysitter
• 47:49
  with a VHS tape of MacGyver episodes.
• 47:52
  Nice. What was your VHS?
• 47:55
  I don't know. I don't think we even had something like that.
• 47:57
  Mine was a copy of two business
• 47:59
  own seats or whatever. Mine was land before time trash bags.
• 48:02
  Oh, land before time and before time, but it had been taped off of TV.
• 48:05
  So it had a big boy commercial at the beginning.
• 48:07
  Oh, it was a big boy commercial that used the Beach Boys
• 48:10
  Surfing USA, and I remember it because I watched that movie so many times.
• 48:14
  Oh, the burger place.
• 48:16
  I was like, yeah, a commercial for big boys.
• 48:19
  Yes, go on.
• 48:20
  They the the the large headed gentleman with the red and white overalls.
• 48:24
  Uh huh. Yeah. Hold his burger.
• 48:27
  And I think I taped it off the off of some, you know, TV broadcasts
• 48:31
  11 for time.
• 48:32
  Awesome. Big commercial. Yeah.
• 48:34
  Brad Garrett was Wizard Whitebeard on the Waldo TV show.
• 48:37
  Yeah. That's our next podcast.
• 48:40
  There we go.
• 48:42
  Also, Townsend Coleman was Waldo, who was also the tick
• 48:46
  in the animated tick.
• 48:48
  You're a tick fan, aren't you, Peter?
• 48:49
  Yeah. John and I are going to have another podcast called Tick Tock.
• 48:52
  This onion just keeps peeling.
• 48:54
  Just tick tock. No, tick tock.
• 48:55
  OK. I guess in this day and age.
• 48:57
  Yeah. Yeah. Tick tock.
• 48:59
  We're going to talk about the tech.
• 49:00
  And tick adjacent things, but not ticks.
• 49:03
  Lime disease. No.
• 49:04
  Do you remember that hot sauce commercial that came out
• 49:08
  in early 2000s, I want to say,
• 49:11
  and it's got like the U.S.
• 49:13
  gymnastics team and they're like, no,
• 49:18
  you don't. Oh, my God.
• 49:19
  I also don't remember this yet.
• 49:21
  Oh, good.
• 49:22
  And they're talking about like, I don't know, whatever.
• 49:25
  I think it was tabatio.
• 49:26
  Maybe it was like El Paso.
• 49:28
  Who gives a fuck? And
• 49:31
  so the youngest of all female gymnasts
• 49:35
  is sitting there and she says the tagline and she's like,
• 49:39
  I only use hot sauce.
• 49:41
  It makes my taco pop.
• 49:44
  I still can't stop laughing.
• 49:46
  Wait, what? I'm a minor.
• 49:49
  I'm a minor.
• 49:51
  I'm a minor.
• 49:52
  I'm a minor.
• 49:55
  And Sean Johnson having great taste and Ortega.
• 50:00
  My hat is the best.
• 50:02
  I love Ortega's taco sauce.
• 50:03
  It makes my taco pop.
• 50:06
  Wow. I mean,
• 50:09
  you told that story with a lot of confidence,
• 50:11
  but I'm still surprised that it was so correct.
• 50:14
  So accurate.
• 50:16
  Yeah, not hot sauce, taco shells, but it doesn't matter.
• 50:19
  Or taco pop. Ortega.
• 50:21
  I mean, that's.
• 50:23
  Oh, I'm glad I found that.
• 50:24
  So that is not tabatio.
• 50:26
  All you got to put in is search.
• 50:27
  It makes my taco pop.
• 50:30
  Yeah, it was a dicey game.
• 50:31
  You played there, Peter.
• 50:33
  So with with National Treasure, I enjoyed it.
• 50:36
  The biggest thing that I have as a gripe is that there are too many steps
• 50:40
  to the process, right?
• 50:41
  Like, it's it's not just getting the declaration.
• 50:44
  It's not just finding the fucking boat.
• 50:45
  It's not just getting the declaration.
• 50:47
  It's then also finding the glasses.
• 50:49
  It's then also doing this.
• 50:50
  It's then that and that and that and that one.
• 50:52
  Fuck. One too many things.
• 50:54
  And like what is the the Florin the letters?
• 50:57
  Oh, silence. Too good.
• 50:58
  The silence. Do good letters.
• 50:59
  Oh, yeah. That just kind of comes out of nowhere.
• 51:03
  He has copies of them in his apartment, but they never talk about them.
• 51:06
  So unless you're paying attention, you don't know.
• 51:08
  And but they suddenly need these things.
• 51:09
  Hence why they go to the dad.
• 51:11
  Yeah. Just just give us.
• 51:13
  Oh, yeah. John Voight shows up. Yeah.
• 51:15
  Who pre shitty John Voight?
• 51:17
  Yeah. Well, he probably always was.
• 51:18
  But I mean, but through the lens of like crazy, like America conspiracy theorists.
• 51:23
  Perfect casting. Oh, yeah.
• 51:25
  Oh, yeah. No, he's great for that.
• 51:26
  But he's going to be dead in the third one.
• 51:29
  Is he dead now? No, he's not dead.
• 51:31
  No, he's alive right now.
• 51:32
  But he's a crappy person.
• 51:34
  Yeah. Come at us, John Voight.
• 51:37
  And maybe don't.
• 51:39
  He has more money than us.
• 51:40
  He has resources. Yeah. Yeah.
• 51:41
  What's he going to take from us?
• 51:42
  But we have stairs and baby gates.
• 51:44
  We go to this old ass away.
• 51:48
  You can't take my jeans.
• 51:50
  Keep your hands off. I don't know.
• 51:52
  Here I'm going to I got to I'm going to directly
• 51:55
  and forcefully disagree with you because like all the steps is the movie.
• 51:59
  And it's my point is I want less movie.
• 52:02
  It's like a wedding cake and just like just more layers.
• 52:05
  Just like, can we go nine?
• 52:06
  How about 11 layers?
• 52:07
  Like how many layers can we do?
• 52:09
  Like I could have been longer.
• 52:10
  Put some lady fingers.
• 52:10
  It could be too many. Right.
• 52:12
  Another tinier bride and groom on top.
• 52:14
  What? Insanity.
• 52:16
  I know. And then inside of it, candy.
• 52:20
  Or the declaration of the defendant.
• 52:21
  Now, see, that's the fucking that's the treat inside of the cake.
• 52:24
  Or it's just another clue.
• 52:26
  They get it.
• 52:29
  When they finally find like the vault,
• 52:32
  but it's empty and they have to like send in in.
• 52:35
  Is it in or Malcolm? It's Ian.
• 52:37
  You're thinking of Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park.
• 52:40
  But I am. Yeah.
• 52:41
  But when they send him off with the whole like the whole lantern
• 52:44
  power of your belly, I go to Boston.
• 52:46
  Yeah. And then they're like, but we found a thing and they open
• 52:49
  like a secret door and it's empty just to open a second secret door
• 52:54
  for it to be there.
• 52:56
  Yeah, that's frustrating.
• 52:58
  You know what?
• 52:59
  Doesn't have secret doors.
• 53:01
  Primal. Yes.
• 53:03
  And it's an hour and a half long.
• 53:05
  It's got fucking monkeys that Tara dudes face off.
• 53:08
  It's got a great white jag.
• 53:11
  It's got that bird Einstein.
• 53:13
  It's got the little kid.
• 53:15
  He's pretty good.
• 53:16
  This one, this beat Primal out originally.
• 53:18
  Primal is so good.
• 53:20
  And you can watch Primal. I've never seen.
• 53:21
  Yeah, you do. It's it's on Netflix right now.
• 53:24
  It's on Netflix right now.
• 53:26
  Watch it without ads.
• 53:30
  I still I mean, it actually does feel like a movie
• 53:33
  that you should watch in the TBS style of with commercials.
• 53:37
  Right. Come to big boy.
• 53:38
  I still I still really enjoy this film.
• 53:41
  It's a romp. It's fun.
• 53:44
  I do really like the characters and all their like foibles.
• 53:49
  And I like Ian and his goons.
• 53:52
  He's got good goons.
• 53:53
  Mm hmm. He does have pretty good goons.
• 53:55
  He's got not.
• 53:59
  Vinny, he's got not Vinny Jones.
• 54:01
  Thank you.
• 54:02
  Because every time I see that, I'm like, it's not Vinny Jones.
• 54:05
  Is he the one who falls to his death
• 54:07
  or is he the one who laments not getting a smooch?
• 54:10
  Wait, when does one not get a smooch?
• 54:12
  Well, when does one get a smooch?
• 54:13
  When does one think they're going to get it?
• 54:15
  So it's when they get into the tomb underneath the Trinity Church.
• 54:20
  Yeah, they first bust into that and they get.
• 54:22
  Oh, and there's the kissing booth.
• 54:24
  Yes, the kissing booth.
• 54:25
  No. So ancient Templar kissing booth.
• 54:28
  So Nick Cage kisses Abigail's.
• 54:30
  You need a harsh shot.
• 54:31
  Whatever her name is.
• 54:32
  That shit's.
• 54:32
  And then right behind her is the goon.
• 54:35
  And he's like, why doesn't that ever happen to me?
• 54:37
  Oh, yeah. Because you're the bad guy.
• 54:39
  Right. You're a villain.
• 54:40
  Yeah. You suck shit.
• 54:41
  And now you're going to fall to your side.
• 54:42
  Up with Sean Bean.
• 54:43
  Yeah. With bad hair. Bad Bean. Bad Bean.
• 54:46
  Nasty Bean.
• 54:48
  I was a gross.
• 54:49
  Bean.
• 54:50
  I don't have much to say about this movie other than I I enjoy it.
• 54:54
  I enjoy the car chase.
• 54:56
  It's I mean, it is just Sorcerer's.
• 54:58
  You know, these movies and the Sorcerer's apprentice, they're all the same film.
• 55:02
  Well, it's all turtle tub.
• 55:03
  It's all turtle tub.
• 55:05
  And both of these, I mean, both these weeks are also Brockheimer.
• 55:08
  Yeah.
• 55:10
  Which definitely has a specific vibe to it.
• 55:13
  Too long.
• 55:14
  All of his movies are too long.
• 55:16
  Too long. Overly produced. Yeah.
• 55:20
  But usually an offensive.
• 55:22
  Yeah. You're going to say something.
• 55:23
  I have a lot of thoughts about National Treasure.
• 55:25
  I don't know if this is the time.
• 55:26
  This is the time. OK.
• 55:27
  You're never going to get another chance.
• 55:29
  Give us the exposition that we got from the movie.
• 55:31
  You go. No, no, no.
• 55:32
  The expedition is it's it's too offensive to go back to right now.
• 55:36
  I did not.
• 55:37
  I usually am pretty good at not looking for plot holes, but the
• 55:41
  the shadow on the wall really hard.
• 55:45
  That's a really tough one because it's like what date, what date.
• 55:48
  Correct.
• 55:49
  Like they don't even season are we don't even get into the date of it.
• 55:53
  The axis, the tilt of the earth.
• 55:55
  Yeah. Also that.
• 55:56
  And then the fact that there was no standardized time
• 56:00
  in the day of the founding fathers.
• 56:02
  So like, what time is it?
• 56:03
  Nobody there was no time really for railroads.
• 56:07
  Like not as we think of it.
• 56:08
  So like that one was like that was the one where I was like, OK, I got it.
• 56:12
  I got to get myself back in the game here.
• 56:13
  You got to come back, come back to the story.
• 56:17
  See, I don't know any of that stuff, but I'm dumb.
• 56:19
  Rachel, Rachel watched this movie with me the first time,
• 56:22
  and that was the scene like she's full on board for suspension.
• 56:26
  Disbelief. Oh, yeah.
• 56:27
  And that scene came up.
• 56:28
  She's like, that's stupid.
• 56:30
  That's the one.
• 56:31
  That's the one I couldn't take.
• 56:32
  Was that that's stupid?
• 56:34
  Yeah. There being a map on the Declaration of Independence, that's not.
• 56:37
  Everything else was fine.
• 56:38
  Totally fine. That one is just like that.
• 56:40
  That's not how this would work.
• 56:41
  No. It's like also like this movie doesn't need to have Nick Cage in it.
• 56:47
  It's such a neutral performance.
• 56:49
  It could have been could have been Harrison Ford.
• 56:51
  It could have been Keanu Reeves.
• 56:54
  Could have been any white guy, you know, because it was.
• 56:56
  It's so neutral in national treasure.
• 56:59
  And it doesn't matter because the plot is the whole thing.
• 57:02
  He gets a plot.
• 57:03
  It's a good story.
• 57:04
  All the clues stacked up doesn't matter who it is.
• 57:07
  He gets a little bit more in national treasure, too,
• 57:09
  where he gets to like play a drunk in that.
• 57:11
  See, he has a.
• 57:12
  See, OK. Yeah, he has one scene.
• 57:14
  You're right. It's not much.
• 57:16
  Imagine if Michael Cera was cast in this movie.
• 57:21
  Still would work. It would be great.
• 57:23
  Yeah. We're going to start a declaration of independence.
• 57:25
  It's like, let's find an actor who wouldn't work.
• 57:27
  Yeah. In national treasure.
• 57:29
  Chris Rock.
• 57:32
  Rodney Dangerfield.
• 57:33
  I still good. Both of them.
• 57:35
  I love Dangerfield. That's a great idea.
• 57:38
  We're going to.
• 57:38
  Know that this is the game now.
• 57:40
  We're going to do this till we can't.
• 57:43
  Current day, Dan Aykroyd.
• 57:46
  Who?
• 57:48
  Bill Cosby. Strong choice.
• 57:50
  Oh, and you ruined the game.
• 57:53
  Yeah, well, this podcast has to move along.
• 57:55
  It can't be as long as these movies.
• 57:58
  OK. So within the brackets of good, bad, bad, good,
• 58:04
  bad, bad, good, bad, bad, good, bad, good.
• 58:08
  What do you put it?
• 58:10
  Good movie.
• 58:13
  Neutral to bad acting.
• 58:16
  I would give acting like the 40% score, like neutral, leading bad.
• 58:20
  Good movie.
• 58:21
  I say good movie.
• 58:22
  I don't find the acting offensive in this film at all.
• 58:24
  It is. It's not a fence.
• 58:25
  Serves the purpose.
• 58:26
  It's fucking warm milk.
• 58:28
  Yeah, it's like, yeah, that's that's right.
• 58:30
  There's nothing outstanding about it, but I do really like
• 58:33
  the relationships of the core characters and.
• 58:37
  I like Ben.
• 58:39
  Riley, like Ben and Riley.
• 58:42
  Oh, I like the one who's name I can't ever.
• 58:45
  Abigail.
• 58:45
  I like I like I like how Abigail and Ben like play off each other.
• 58:49
  I think it's it's been a time safe.
• 58:52
  Riley's the tech guy.
• 58:53
  Riley Riley tech guy.
• 58:55
  Benjamin Franklin Gates is.
• 58:56
  Oh, right. Yeah. The name of my dog.
• 58:58
  Correct.
• 58:59
  Here's another thing.
• 59:01
  So Riley is an archetype that only existed in the early 2000s and late 90s.
• 59:06
  So we you guys are talking about this.
• 59:08
  I miss I miss a good sidekick.
• 59:10
  Well, it's like the tech side.
• 59:11
  It's like a computer guy.
• 59:13
  Like there's I was thinking about the movie Twister when I watched this,
• 59:17
  because in Twister, there's the guy who has the beer helmet.
• 59:20
  And he's like the computer guy.
• 59:21
  And it's like that was that was a stock character in this moment
• 59:24
  when computers were rising, right?
• 59:27
  From like mid 90s through mid aughts.
• 59:29
  And it was like you get this guy who's like, he knows everything.
• 59:31
  He's a computer.
• 59:32
  So he's a computer nerd.
• 59:33
  Super, super guy is like kind of nerdy, but also we really need him.
• 59:38
  My favorite tech guy.
• 59:40
  Our first one that comes to mind, definitely ludicrous in the fast movies.
• 59:43
  Oh, yeah.
• 59:44
  Like when like he doesn't even start out as the tech guy.
• 59:47
  But eventually they're like, I don't know.
• 59:49
  We're starting to do a lot more like just heisty things and shit like that.
• 59:53
  So I guess we need a tech guy.
• 59:55
  Ludicrous, that's your job now.
• 59:57
  And that was it.
• 59:57
  That's they never explained it.
• 59:59
  It's like all of a sudden he just does the technology.
• 1:00:02
  Seth Green.
• 1:00:03
  It just does machines.
• 1:00:04
  Seth Green in
• 1:00:07
  the Italian job remake is their hacker.
• 1:00:09
  Right.
• 1:00:09
  After in the core, that like rat dick looking motherfucker.
• 1:00:15
  What's his name?
• 1:00:16
  I think he's got a three name, but
• 1:00:19
  oh, man, fuck, I can't think of his name.
• 1:00:21
  But yeah, anyway, the core is incredible.
• 1:00:23
  We're going to watch that.
• 1:00:24
  Good.
• 1:00:25
  Right now.
• 1:00:26
  Yes.
• 1:00:27
  With the mics running on the podcast.
• 1:00:30
  Oh, DJ Qualls.
• 1:00:32
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:33
  OK, well, yeah.
• 1:00:34
  Oh, fuck.
• 1:00:34
  You'll get the second you see his face.
• 1:00:36
  You'll be like, oh, yeah, it's one of the everybody's one of those.
• 1:00:40
  So, Nick, where do you put this on the bracket?
• 1:00:43
  Or the matrix?
• 1:00:45
  Yeah, in the matrix.
• 1:00:46
  I also the matrix did have a tech guy, too.
• 1:00:50
  Oh, yeah, it did.
• 1:00:51
  Same same vibe.
• 1:00:52
  Are they all tech guys?
• 1:00:53
  Well, they all kind of were.
• 1:00:54
  But there was the one who was like,
• 1:00:55
  he made the program with the hot girl.
• 1:00:57
  Oh, you're right.
• 1:00:58
  Yeah, that guy.
• 1:00:59
  Because he knows.
• 1:01:00
  Thank you, Peter.
• 1:01:01
  And they all. Yeah, they all have the name.
• 1:01:04
  Same vibe.
• 1:01:05
  Yeah. Yeah. Hackers.
• 1:01:07
  You know, I'm I'm pretty on board with Seth.
• 1:01:11
  Like it's a good movie.
• 1:01:13
  It's fine.
• 1:01:15
  It's long.
• 1:01:16
  It has a lot of unnecessary in it.
• 1:01:20
  Yeah, I got done talking about the rock.
• 1:01:21
  Now we're talking about national treasure.
• 1:01:22
  Yeah.
• 1:01:23
  Yeah. And Nicholas Cage's performance is fair.
• 1:01:28
  It's nothing.
• 1:01:29
  I still think it's ramen noodles without the packet. Yeah.
• 1:01:33
  Oh, that's brutal.
• 1:01:34
  That's how I feel about it, man.
• 1:01:36
  It's just like it's anybody.
• 1:01:38
  Could be still hot, slippery ones.
• 1:01:40
  But, you know, they're just unseasoned.
• 1:01:43
  They're edible.
• 1:01:43
  They are not salty.
• 1:01:45
  Yeah, you're not that weird kid like eating a crunched up packet.
• 1:01:49
  Of dry noodles.
• 1:01:51
  So it begs the ultimate question, then we can start with Seth.
• 1:01:53
  What movie advances on?
• 1:01:56
  It's got to be national treasure.
• 1:01:58
  For me, I think in in proximity to watching them,
• 1:02:02
  I didn't know what I was going to say, but after a few days of distance,
• 1:02:06
  it's got to be national treasure. Nick.
• 1:02:11
  I I think national treasure is just a more consistent watch.
• 1:02:17
  So it's more like taking a nap on a couch versus taking a nap in a car.
• 1:02:23
  When you're driving, I really like that.
• 1:02:26
  I guess I can.
• 1:02:27
  I sleep really well while traveling, so that doesn't while you're driving.
• 1:02:30
  That's very, that's what I'm saying.
• 1:02:33
  It's like, that's why I have dogs napping on the couch,
• 1:02:35
  not napping while driving. Oh, while driving.
• 1:02:38
  Yeah, that's a different. Yeah.
• 1:02:39
  I just felt like you meant like you're, you know, someone's like,
• 1:02:41
  you're in a car and it's moving. It's mildly uncomfortable.
• 1:02:44
  If you want to take a nap while I'm driving,
• 1:02:46
  feel free to try, but you will find things where they did not start.
• 1:02:51
  I don't I don't blink around you. Yeah.
• 1:02:54
  For the best.
• 1:02:57
  Of both these films, I I enjoy national treasure for what it is.
• 1:03:00
  I have fun with it every time I see it.
• 1:03:02
  It's over long, but both of these are.
• 1:03:04
  But I'm not I'm always entertained while I'm watching this movie,
• 1:03:08
  unlike the rock where I am just like, move the fuck on, move the fuck on,
• 1:03:12
  move the fuck on. All right.
• 1:03:14
  Car chase, move the fuck on, move the fuck on, move the fuck on.
• 1:03:16
  Woody Banter, move the fuck on.
• 1:03:18
  And this I'm like, I enjoy I enjoy all the pieces of it as I watch it.
• 1:03:22
  I don't zone out as much. I say national treasure.
• 1:03:24
  I zone out, but I feel like I zone out on the set.
• 1:03:28
  I've already voted for national treasure.
• 1:03:30
  I don't know why I'm shitting on it now, but.
• 1:03:32
  Change it. Change your vote. Yeah.
• 1:03:34
  Change it now, Primal.
• 1:03:37
  Well, that's not an option. It's always an option.
• 1:03:41
  It's just not going to get me very far.
• 1:03:43
  I'm torn on this one.
• 1:03:45
  It's like I'm fine with national treasure going forward,
• 1:03:48
  but looking back on it after watching these two in my speed run mode,
• 1:03:52
  after watching the rock, I was like, that sucks.
• 1:03:55
  And then I watched national treasure on the plane and I was like, this sucks.
• 1:03:59
  Like, I would. It sucks with emphasis.
• 1:04:02
  I would like I would prefer to watch
• 1:04:06
  any viewing of the rock I have going on in the future.
• 1:04:08
  It's going to be specific scenes or I'm just going to turn it off.
• 1:04:11
  At a certain point, I'm going to turn it off before it's over.
• 1:04:15
  National treasure, I can enjoy all the way through.
• 1:04:19
  Yeah, that's a fair assessment.
• 1:04:21
  The rock is stronger in specific scenes, but I have no need to watch.
• 1:04:27
  It has higher highs, but much lower lows.
• 1:04:28
  I don't need to watch fucking Hummel go steal the fucking green balls.
• 1:04:33
  Yeah, nice.
• 1:04:34
  Yeah, or the whole mutiny scene.
• 1:04:36
  It's like, I don't need this.
• 1:04:37
  Yeah, none of that.
• 1:04:39
  It's not great. I don't need to see the rocket go over the fucking stadium
• 1:04:42
  and plop into the water like.
• 1:04:44
  Or the rocket that gets fired and then turns around.
• 1:04:46
  Also not necessary. Right.
• 1:04:48
  I'm only here for rockets that act like real fucking men and take out the Niners.
• 1:04:53
  Well, what do we got coming up next time, Peter?
• 1:04:56
  Yeah. So next up, we've got,
• 1:04:58
  uh, the weatherman and unbearable weight of massive talent
• 1:05:02
  with a special guest, Darrell Edge of last year's fame.
• 1:05:06
  Our cage rage. Yeah.
• 1:05:09
  Cage Rage Buddy, our British pal, our spider hating friend.
• 1:05:15
  Well, so thank you for being on.
• 1:05:16
  Yeah, it was an absolute pleasure.
• 1:05:18
  It was a joy to have here.
• 1:05:20
  Would you want to plug anything or?
• 1:05:22
  No, we've got it.
• 1:05:23
  We've got a nasty movie.
• 1:05:24
  You like it.
• 1:05:25
  Yeah.
• 1:05:26
  You should subscribe to this podcast.
• 1:05:29
  That's I'm going to plug your show.
• 1:05:31
  Subscribe to this podcast.
• 1:05:33
  Leave a comment below.
• 1:05:34
  Subscribe to this podcast. Leave a review.
• 1:05:37
  Because I know that helps.
• 1:05:38
  Fucking comment.
• 1:05:39
  Find where to comment and comment.
• 1:05:41
  Yeah, we are on social media.
• 1:05:42
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• 1:05:46
  We're on Patreon to special thanks to our sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean,
• 1:05:50
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• 1:05:55
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• 1:05:57
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• 1:05:59
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• 1:06:01
  And thank you for your support. Thanks, buddy.
• 1:06:03
  You make us sound less shitty and also, I don't know, do sexy dances.
• 1:06:08
  What do we do? What do we do for patrons?
• 1:06:11
  Now, they're the cage dancers.
• 1:06:12
  I mean, they get in the cage.
• 1:06:14
  Usually there's like gifts of me eating hot dogs or something.
• 1:06:16
  Yeah, that's true.
• 1:06:17
  And by usually, I mean, once we can do it more.
• 1:06:20
  We could do any hot dogs.
• 1:06:22
  Bye bye. Wait.
• 1:06:36
  But there wouldn't be air in there, right?
• 1:06:38
  In the butt.
• 1:06:40
  Isn't it an air based chemical?
• 1:06:42
  I'm sure there's little bits of air in your butt.
• 1:06:44
  Your butt's not like airtight.
• 1:06:46
  I don't know. You're in this, but.
• 1:06:50
  I think I can infer.
• 1:06:54
  Have you ever considered
• 1:06:57
  like how weird it is that people get like fecal transplants?
• 1:07:02
  Is that a thing?
• 1:07:03
  Yeah, dude, they put a little bit.
• 1:07:04
  I heard it was like an experimental like got microbes or something
• 1:07:08
  that are all bad.
• 1:07:09
  And so then you put somebody else's poop in your butt.
• 1:07:12
  I don't know. I think it's I think it's fine.
• 1:07:13
  I think you could.
• 1:07:14
  That sounds like good science to me.
• 1:07:15
  Yeah. You can't tell me that you don't think there's anybody
• 1:07:18
  with better microbes than you.
• 1:07:20
  Oh, I've seen my poop and I know what it's all about.
• 1:07:23
  It's not good. Right.
• 1:07:25
  This is not this is not like on the chart where it's like one through seven
• 1:07:28
  and you're number four.
• 1:07:30
  If you had to choose somebody's poop to put in you,
• 1:07:32
  like what kind of poop would you take?
• 1:07:34
  And I don't mean like a specific person unless you have a specific person in mind.
• 1:07:38
  My boss listens to this podcast.
• 1:07:41
  So are you not choosing your boss or are you choosing your boss?
• 1:07:44
  It's an interesting question because you don't.
• 1:07:46
  I mean, for my lifestyle,
• 1:07:48
  I wouldn't want someone who's just like living the best clean, living vegan life.
• 1:07:52
  Right. Yeah. I don't think I can take a burger.
• 1:07:54
  And it's no I would want someone who just eats anything.
• 1:07:58
  And it's fine all the time and doesn't have any weird allergies.
• 1:08:01
  Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 1:08:02
  I want like a 23 year old college male.
• 1:08:05
  Yes, exactly. Because he can live through anything.
• 1:08:08
  Like I've got a friend who, like when I was in college and I was like,
• 1:08:11
  I have heartburn from their free pizza at the reception.
• 1:08:14
  Oh, fuck them. Yeah.
• 1:08:15
  Like he was like, Oh, I'm fine.
• 1:08:16
  I'm like, I want that poop.
• 1:08:18
  Yeah. You know, God, in my youth,
• 1:08:20
  I could eat any roller food and feel like just good all the time.
• 1:08:24
  I still have ever been that guy.
• 1:08:26
  I still haven't gotten to a point.
• 1:08:27
  It's a different, different breed.
• 1:08:29
  I love roller food.
• 1:08:30
  I still haven't gotten to a point where like food, like food I love and like in
• 1:08:35
  upsetting amounts really affects me yet.
• 1:08:38
  I think I might be a highlander.
• 1:08:39
  Maybe, maybe, but there can only be one.
• 1:08:41
  Correct. Eventually. Yeah.
• 1:08:45
  You know what you should do?
• 1:08:47
  Put some highlander poop in your butt.
• 1:08:49
  Oh, good answer.
• 1:08:51
  Yeah. Like, why are we not saying immortals poop?
• 1:08:53
  That's the answer.
• 1:08:54
  Yeah. Give me a demigod.
• 1:08:56
  Why not? I want Zeus's poop.
• 1:08:58
  Hmm. I've been listening to a lot of Moana with Cora lately.
• 1:09:01
  So, yeah, give me Maui.
• 1:09:04
  That's some good poop. Yeah.
• 1:09:05
  Strong poop. Island poop. Yeah.
• 1:09:11
  Well, they were going for they were going to Oakland,
• 1:09:13
  so they wouldn't have taken up the matters.
• 1:09:15
  That was not we talked about this last time.
• 1:09:18
  We don't have to flu.
• 1:09:19
  No.
• 1:09:21
  This Super Bowl aside, there is absolutely no situation
• 1:09:25
  where you've got a Raiders stadium that full of red.
• 1:09:29
  That was Candlestick or Levi or whatever the fuck stadium.
• 1:09:33
  It wouldn't be.
• 1:09:35
  It said they did say they did say, oh, no.
• 1:09:38
  Yeah, it may have been going there, but it was.
• 1:09:41
  It was not going to Oakland.
• 1:09:43
  That was not OKO.
• 1:09:47
  How could I?
• 1:09:47
  I don't know why I'm so upset about this, but you're wrong either.
• 1:09:50
  It's just you're fucking wrong. I'm not.
• 1:09:55
  Get your fucking hand off that.
• 1:09:56
  That's a mute button.
• 1:09:57
  We're on the board now.
• 1:09:58
  Get out of here, you fuckers, fucking maniacs.
• 1:10:02
  You know what? Fuck that.
• 1:10:04
  The Rock. I'm voting for the Rock now.
• 1:10:06
  Here. Oh, protest.
• 1:10:08
  All right. We're voting for the Rock.
• 1:10:11
  What? That's two votes for the Rock.
• 1:10:12
  Fuck you. Rock wins. Sorry, Sean.
• 1:10:15
  This is unbelievable.
• 1:10:16
  It's a travesty.
• 1:10:18
  I disagree. Fucking come at me.
• 1:10:20
  Wait, is this is this a bit?