Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Erections Wax And Wane, People

Transcript

Erections Wax And Wane, People · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the doctor psych mom, show if you
• 0:08
  try to listen to this before, there was some glitch, so this
• 0:11
  erections podcast was silent. But that is not any referendum
• 0:17
  on what I think about the topic was not, was not an artistic
• 0:21
  device, it was just a mistake. So now, I will re-record the
• 0:25
  erection podcast for you because so many men want to hear about
• 0:29
  why they are normal. So speaking of which I most
• 0:33
  recently put out a Tick-Tock on this.
• 0:35
  Ridiculous tick, tock, tick, tock about a tick.
• 0:37
  Tock, I met a tick tock about this.
• 0:40
  This guy recorded this video. That was like, I forget how he
• 0:45
  phrases. It was like like, ladies.
• 0:47
  Like, get a man who does who's, who's hard for you?
• 0:50
  Who's hard just by looking at you not a guy who tells you to
• 0:54
  play with it and it'll wake up. Now, that type of shit is
• 0:57
  exactly why I recorded the fucking erection podcast to
• 1:00
  begin with, even though you will never get to hear the
• 1:04
  masterpiece. That one undoubtedly was so you
• 1:07
  have to hear this replacement erection podcast.
• 1:09
  But either way, they're pretty much going to say the same
• 1:11
  thing, which is that that's some load of garbage as men get
• 1:14
  older. Their erections are not what
• 1:17
  they used to be. So if the only way to get a man
• 1:20
  who's always going to be hard just by looking at you is to get
• 1:23
  a 20 year old man and then every time that he hits 21 kill him
• 1:26
  and replace him with another 21 year old man we're 20 year old
• 1:29
  man. Like what's his name does
• 1:31
  Leonardo DiCaprio with women so many Age, their penises age, to
• 1:37
  also other things happen, some men are anxious.
• 1:39
  Some men are on antidepressants. Some men, drink too much to
• 1:42
  assume that a man is not attracted to you because he
• 1:45
  doesn't get hard just by looking at you is stupid and it's
• 1:49
  inaccurate and it does not go along with Biology or common
• 1:52
  sense. So a lot of men from watching
• 1:56
  too much porn. A lot of bad shit and people's
• 1:58
  sex lives is related to porn in case you didn't notice what
• 2:01
  should that probably mean, you know, try to interrogate
• 2:04
  everything that you think, you know?
• 2:05
  About sex, if you're a big porn person.
• 2:08
  So in porn, like, nobody needs to use ironic, right?
• 2:12
  Because they're really fluffed all the time and actual porn.
• 2:15
  Like, there's the fluffers there that are, you know, sucking them
• 2:18
  off, right before the scene. But the point is what it looks
• 2:21
  like two young men watching it, is that the erection just arises
• 2:24
  Mighty like the Phoenix. And it doesn't need any
• 2:26
  touching. And so then if men and women
• 2:28
  think this, that this is how it's supposed to go.
• 2:31
  This is terrible for multiple reasons, a man like having their
• 2:35
  Has touch just as women need to be stimulated vaginally or clit
• 2:39
  early before they have an orgasm.
• 2:41
  Men need to be stimulated to and guess who else ages, by the way,
• 2:44
  along with men, their Partners do and you think that you're
• 2:48
  still feel exactly the same as you did when you were 18, you
• 2:51
  don't. So, you know, really, it's crazy
• 2:55
  because men could be getting a very stimulating, exciting
• 2:58
  experience, except that neither of them thinks that she's
• 3:01
  supposed to have to touch his penis.
• 3:03
  Now, also, erection. As per the title of this wax and
• 3:07
  wait. So you're supposed to have a
• 3:09
  long encountered supposed to be, like, 30 to 60 Minutes, you
• 3:12
  know? Ideally, because the woman's got
• 3:14
  to relax, I tell you to give her a massage, all this type of
• 3:17
  stuff. So this all direction is going
• 3:19
  to stay there like a fucking Mount Rushmore, you know, face
• 3:24
  for the entirety of this interaction especially again if
• 3:28
  the guy's not 20 years old, it's going to wax.
• 3:30
  It's going to Wayne. He's going to think of the
• 3:32
  upcoming mortgage payment. He's going to think that he just
• 3:34
  heard your kid come. In the hall, if whenever it gets
• 3:37
  soft, you decide that the it's not working anymore and he
• 3:40
  doesn't really love you, he's not attracted to you.
• 3:42
  That is not going to obviously be very good for the
• 3:45
  relationship and it is not in line with the reality of how men
• 3:49
  work anatomically. So, people tell me that
• 3:53
  basically what they're doing is like they're kissing and they're
• 3:56
  hard and then they take their pants off and because they've
• 3:59
  ever had any episode before of what they think is erectile
• 4:03
  dysfunction, but it's not really.
• 4:05
  As I'm going to tell you right now but because it's ever gotten
• 4:09
  soft before, you know, it gets soft.
• 4:12
  And then they both think that it's game over.
• 4:14
  So it was literally like something out of like an 80s
• 4:16
  movie or something where they're all kissing, and then they look
• 4:19
  down. Oh my God, guess what died, the
• 4:22
  erection died. I guess that we have to mourn it
• 4:24
  and we cannot move forward in this sexual escapades.
• 4:27
  This some bullshit. It's going to come back.
• 4:30
  In fact, I tell women that if you're trying to teach your
• 4:33
  husband how to go down on you or try to, Teach him how to fucking
• 4:36
  do anything at all. He's going to be learning mode
• 4:38
  and when he's in learning mode, he's not going to have an
• 4:41
  erection big shit. You can't have, you can't.
• 4:44
  It's like trying to rub your belly, Pat, your head at the
• 4:46
  same time to learn how to please a woman.
• 4:49
  While you have an erection unless of course you are on
• 4:52
  Viagra or say it with me, 20 years old, even when you're 20
• 4:56
  years old and I work with some younger men, they lose their
• 4:59
  erection to because those they get those ages.
• 5:03
  Get very nervous. So on the end where they are
• 5:07
  erection is very Mighty, they are nervous and then when you're
• 5:11
  old enough that you don't really give a shit although matter
• 5:14
  roids kind of nervous about it, then things aren't that
• 5:17
  exciting. Particularly if your wife over
• 5:19
  the years has learned that she's never supposed to touch you
• 5:21
  erection, because if she has to touch it, apparently it's
• 5:24
  something bad about her. This is nothing bad about you.
• 5:27
  Men are attracted to cut constantly attracted to women
• 5:30
  that they don't get hard over because men do not walk around
• 5:34
  with a walking erect. Ian constantly, unless they are
• 5:36
  Kevin Arnold in that scene. In Wonder Years when he was
• 5:39
  like, I think supposed to be in the seventh grade that doesn't
• 5:43
  happen to grown-ass men. Thank God.
• 5:45
  Right? Because if every time they saw
• 5:47
  how a woman, they had an erection, this would be very
• 5:49
  difficult to get anything done as it was for Kevin Arnold and
• 5:53
  seventh grade. So really what you want to think
• 5:56
  about is this you a woman need to have your vagina touched I
• 6:02
  assume before you could have an orgasm unless you truly are The
• 6:05
  eighth wonder of the world or should be something in a
• 6:08
  real-life porno. So since you need to have your
• 6:11
  body stimulated before sex, why would the man not be the same?
• 6:16
  Like it's of course he's the same so if he's expected to
• 6:19
  engage in a lot of foreplay which it's not saying he doesn't
• 6:22
  want to, of course he wants to. He wants to frequently more than
• 6:25
  the woman. Does men love for play but it's
• 6:28
  for some people, I'm learning. It doesn't they?
• 6:30
  The woman doesn't touch the penis because the penis is
• 6:34
  supposed to be a barometer. Either of his attraction.
• 6:36
  So everybody's watching the penis to make sure that it stays
• 6:39
  hard because if it doesn't stay hard than he's not a man and
• 6:42
  he's not attracted to her. This sounds terrible.
• 6:46
  Can you imagine if your husband said to you, oh, because you
• 6:49
  didn't get wet from looking at me, it means that you're not
• 6:52
  attracted to me. You'll be like, what are you
• 6:54
  talking about? What, dream worlds are you in?
• 6:56
  The doesn't actually happen. Although it does, of course, it
• 7:00
  probably happened when you were 16 years old, if you, it would
• 7:03
  happen if like, you were 16 and you're crushed, Talk to you, you
• 7:06
  know, that would be a biological thing that would happen,
• 7:08
  although you probably didn't have the words to know what, or
• 7:11
  to articulate, what that was. But at 35 40 45.
• 7:15
  I mean George Clooney or whoever the hell you like, could come
• 7:19
  talk to you and you're not going to get wet just from that.
• 7:21
  George Clooney is also going to have to know how to, you know,
• 7:24
  rub you and touch you the right way.
• 7:26
  That's the reality. So men also need to have their
• 7:30
  penis touch in order for it to get stimulated.
• 7:32
  It's great, if you start out with an Action.
• 7:35
  And it's great if you have an erection the whole time, but if
• 7:38
  this, if the culture of your marriage is such that she's not
• 7:42
  even supposed to try to touch your penis because the erection
• 7:47
  is some sort of canary in the coal mine about whether you love
• 7:51
  her enough, this is a terrible terrible state of event and it's
• 7:55
  really a wonder that you could keep the erection at all, with
• 7:58
  all of that pressure. Also, a lot of men rushed
• 8:02
  through sex because of this exact thing because they think
• 8:05
  Hey, I'm hard. I'm hard.
• 8:06
  I don't want to get soft like that one time, you know, March
• 8:09
  11 2004 that I think she still hasn't forgiven me about so
• 8:12
  quickly quickly. I have to get engage in
• 8:14
  penetrative sex immediately because of God knows.
• 8:17
  If I get soft that it's the end of the world.
• 8:19
  For everybody Wilden he's going to rush through sets and then
• 8:23
  she isn't going to enjoy. She isn't going to have an
• 8:25
  orgasm. If you want to have a really
• 8:29
  good sex life, which everybody listening to this, does you want
• 8:33
  to be exploring each other's bodies?
• 8:35
  For extended time, 32 minutes to 60 Minutes is a starting place.
• 8:40
  Yes, sometimes the kids are not in the house.
• 8:42
  Thank God. They could go to Sleepaway Camp.
• 8:44
  They could do whatever the hell or you could.
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  Maybe you even have family that helps and you could send them
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  there for an afternoon or maybe you are divorced and you don't
• 8:52
  have every other weekend with the kids.
• 8:54
  I don't know your situation, or maybe they go to sleep at 8:00
• 8:57
  and you could stay up till 10:00 one night, whatever crazy way
• 9:01
  you make it work. If you want to actually have a
• 9:04
  good sex life, you have to Understand each other's bodies.
• 9:06
  And when people stated say in romance novels, we spent the
• 9:11
  afternoon in bed, that's a real thing that happens in the world.
• 9:14
  Do you think that a man at age, 40 years, old going to stay hard
• 9:18
  for an afternoon, like the whole afternoon?
• 9:21
  Do you think he never pees? I mean, do you think that I'm,
• 9:24
  there's no refractory period. I mean, of course, do you think
• 9:28
  he never liked? Here's, you know, that Amazon
• 9:31
  guy knock or something or that you never get tired.
• 9:35
  And Reach over and like look at your phone at the time and then
• 9:38
  his erection goes away because he's a little anxious that
• 9:40
  you're anxious or whatever the case may be.
• 9:42
  Of course, it's a human body part, it is not supposed to be,
• 9:48
  you know, he's not supposed to be a statue Frozen in time, you
• 9:51
  know. And so I think that so many
• 9:54
  problems. Sexual problems could be
• 9:56
  attenuated. If people spent more time,
• 9:58
  exploring what makes each other tick and how their bodies really
• 10:03
  work. This reminds me of know Thing
• 10:05
  more than the peeing thing. Remember my pose I don't know if
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  I did a podcast about it but I had the posed about the meme
• 10:13
  about being and it was like there was a meme that I saw
• 10:17
  where it said, when you don't let a woman hold your penis when
• 10:23
  you're peeing and like, she's the saddest girl in the world or
• 10:27
  something, whatever you could look this up on my website and
• 10:31
  the reactions to this, I thought it was funny.
• 10:34
  I thought It indicated something understandable in the world a
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  phenomenon felt by many where the woman is like oh let me hold
• 10:43
  it no let me hold it. I want to see how it works like
• 10:45
  when you're young you're playing around College boyfriend, High,
• 10:48
  School, boyfriend, whatever. And and then if you do it, then
• 10:51
  you probably do it later on. So many people are like in my
• 10:55
  comments were, like, that's perverse.
• 10:58
  Like, you would have thought. I said, like, have sex with a
• 11:00
  hedgehog? I mean, it was like unreal, like
• 11:03
  the Venom And people like, who would do this, like, who would
• 11:09
  hold their boyfriends or their husband's penis when they pee?
• 11:12
  Oh my God, it's like they thought apocalypse was coming
• 11:15
  like that people are doing this sort of thing and I like I've a
• 11:19
  much better reactions to post about anal sex like by a
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  landslide. And it's so funny because if you
• 11:27
  are a person who has had relationships, where there's a
• 11:31
  lot of play and touch and And exploration.
• 11:37
  This is like a no-brainer look, of course, you would see what
• 11:40
  it's like to hold a penis when the guy peas.
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  And then guess what the penis is when he's peeing.
• 11:45
  It's soft. So obviously, if you're a person
• 11:49
  who hangs out naked, a lot you with your boyfriend, a woman,
• 11:53
  who does that? You've seen the soft penis,
• 11:56
  right? But I'm increasingly over the
• 11:59
  years started to realize many people don't do this, they don't
• 12:03
  hang out naked for extended. Of type, because if you hang out
• 12:07
  with extended periods of time, naked with even your 20 year old
• 12:10
  boyfriend, guess what? He's not hard the whole time.
• 12:13
  Sometimes he's eating a snack or he's taking sneezing or
• 12:17
  whatever. The fuck are you watching
• 12:18
  television? So even the most virile and
• 12:22
  young of males are not going to have a 24/7 Direction when
• 12:26
  they're with you, even though they're just as attracted to you
• 12:29
  when they have one as when they don't have one.
• 12:31
  So if that's the case for a 20 year old then imagine A
• 12:35
  forty-year-old, a fifty-year-old a six-year-old.
• 12:37
  So what I'm realizing is the shorter and more condensed and
• 12:41
  more awkward, and more hidden away from normal life, the sex
• 12:46
  life is then the less the woman has ever seen the penis in its
• 12:50
  natural state. The less comfortable she feels
• 12:53
  about it and its various, you know, State solid, you know,
• 12:59
  liquid whatever. Now, liquid solid, less solid
• 13:03
  Etc and You know, and then the guy feels anxious because he's
• 13:07
  like, doesn't know how she feels about.
• 13:09
  It's soft that she doesn't know how she feels about it soft.
• 13:12
  And basically, what they do is they try to only have sex when
• 13:15
  he gets hard, have sex is quick, as possible.
• 13:18
  If he loses the erection, they try to avert their eyes from
• 13:21
  this car accident. And then they quickly dress,
• 13:24
  this is terrible. Everybody deserves to have
• 13:27
  their, you know, partner explore all parts of their body and try
• 13:32
  to give them pleasure and accept them in.
• 13:35
  Every state that their body goes into, you know.
• 13:39
  And so the US, you can't take the erection personally.
• 13:43
  It's not about whether he's attracted to you and erection
• 13:45
  happens when he's turned on. He can also be turned on without
• 13:49
  an erection and in that case, stimulate him just as you can't
• 13:53
  stay stimulated yourself as a woman without any stimulation
• 13:57
  like no shit. But it's the same thing for men,
• 14:00
  too. And so the more comfortable you
• 14:02
  get with each other's bodies, how to turn one.
• 14:05
  Iran. How to stimulate each other, the
• 14:07
  better your sex life will be There, I got it.
• 14:10
  Done in 14 minutes. I feel like I shave two minutes
• 14:13
  off of the previous one that I was replacing.
• 14:15
  There's trying to get it right back out there into the universe
• 14:18
  Direction, podcast, since I'm sure.
• 14:21
  So many of you are on tenterhooks waiting to hear what
• 14:23
  I was going to say about erections.
• 14:25
  All right? Y'all, if you have any
• 14:26
  follow-up, erection questions, as long as they are not, you
• 14:30
  know about shit that I literally just covered which is a lot of
• 14:33
  stuff then you can certainly follow up and I will talk to you
• 14:37
  all soon. Have a great.
• 14:39
  It day whether you are erect or not.
• 14:41
  Bye.