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164. The "No" Revolution · Your Enriched Self

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What would it look like if you made the choice
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: every day to wake up with the attitude that you
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: will conquer everything on your success path. I want you
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: to own that. I want you to think about that.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I want you to bring that into your internal conversations
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: as you awake in the morning, as you navigate to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: your workspace, as you conquer the things in your workspace,
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  Speaker 1: as you conquer those things on your life path. What
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: if you chose a different approach. It's so easy to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: go down to the negative. It's so easy to look
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: at what is and not explore. What if you truly
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: just conquered everything on your success path. I want you
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: to leave this year knowing, fully, completely honestly that you
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: tried absolutely everything you can to win and achieve everything
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: that you have ever dreamed about. Hello, my friends from
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: all across the globe and welcome to the You're in
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Rich Cel Podcast. I am your Hostmi Lee Noir. I
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: am an emotional wellness and empowerment coach, and all that
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: means is I am here for you. I am advocating
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: for whatever it takes for you to become more of
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: your and rich self, and it's going to start from within.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: The win will start from within. It starts with the
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: things that you're thinking about and the words and the
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: actions and how you show up in the world. Because
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: if you're listening to this podcast, I know that you
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: want to be and show up as the best version
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: of yourself. And so that's what we do here each
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: and every week on the podcast to help you become
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: more of your in rich self. So, if this is
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: your first journey on the podcast, your first time listening,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I want to welcome you. I want to thank you
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: for being here. I know that you are brought here
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: on purpose, for a purpose, and if you are a
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: rete listener, I want to thank you from the bottom
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: of my heart because of you and without you, there
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: would be no podcast. So I just want to thank
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: you for your presence. I want to thank you for
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: your participation, and I want to thank you for being
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: here each and every week. You've been rocking with me
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: for one hundred and sixty four weeks. We've been doing
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: this for one hundred and sixty four weeks non stop,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and you've been part of that NonStop posse. So thank
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: you for being here. Now, before we get started into
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: this week's episode, if you know you know one of
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: the things that I do is I make a deposit
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: into the bank of you, and I do so by
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to start
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  Speaker 1: your day and to command your morning. And this week's
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  Speaker 1: affirmation is I am bossing it in life and conquering
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  Speaker 1: everything on my success path. I am bossing it in
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  Speaker 1: life and conquering everything on my success path. I am
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: bossing it in life and conquering everything on my success path. Now,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: let's get ready for this week's episode of the Your
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Enriched Self podcast. Can we talk honestly because a lot
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  Speaker 1: of you are in your feelings, you are feeling obligated
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  Speaker 1: to do versus doing what's right for you. And I
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: know this time of year, this most wonderful time of
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  Speaker 1: the year, as we start approaching all of the various activities, events,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: invitations that are going to go out for all the holidays,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: that many of you find yourself overwhelmed, over obligated because
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: you struggle to do what's right for you. You try
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to please the masses. You want to do what everybody wants,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: what everybody or what you think everybody needs. And then
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, at the end of
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: the event. At the end of whatever the situation is,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: you are left with emotional strength. You are left with
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: mental drain. You have been playing a mental chess game,
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  Speaker 1: trying to understand what moves you need to make, going
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: against everything that you set for yourself, every boundary, every
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: plan that you had so that you can make your
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: life work with ease and grace and flow. And you
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: spend more time wondering what people think about you. What
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: are they going to say? Well, first of all, you
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: got to mind the business that pays you, and what
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: people think about you is none of your business. Otherwise
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: you'd have a lot of businesses and with that a
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: lot of point of views. This whole thing becomes a
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  Speaker 1: battle of you versus you trying to maintain the very
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  Speaker 1: boundaries that you set. So I have a question for
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  Speaker 1: you today, and I have to say this question was
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  Speaker 1: inspired by an artist, Tony Jones. She does affirmation music.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: If that makes sense to you, you might want to
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: look her up. I'm going to share her one of
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: my favorite albums that I listened to during the pandemic,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: but it was a I think it was a twenty
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  Speaker 1: nineteen album. Nevertheless, I'm going to share that mantra album
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  Speaker 1: with You. She has a track on that album where
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  Speaker 1: she intros with a question, if you had twenty yeses
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  Speaker 1: to give out for the rest of your life, who
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  Speaker 1: and what would you give those yeses to? And I
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: think that's an important question and I want to just
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: throw that on the table, and that's going to help
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  Speaker 1: us start this conversation today. I want you to know,
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  Speaker 1: as Tony says in her mantra Affirmations, your no will
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: support your now, meaning when you say no to whatever
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  Speaker 1: it is that you need to say no to, it's
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: going to support what you need to do now for yourself.
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  Speaker 1: One other thing that Tony says in her mantra for
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  Speaker 1: this particular track is therapy for mental and emotional health
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  Speaker 1: is no. Some of you are therapizing everything, not realizing
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: that a no can do the work, a no can
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  Speaker 1: do the trick, and many of you are suffering in silence,
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  Speaker 1: no one to rescue you. You're drowning in your yeses.
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  Speaker 1: You are committing to everyone and everything but yourself, and
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: today it has to stop. You don't become enriched, which
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: is what I intend for you to become, and I
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: know that's what you want for yourself. You don't become
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: enriched if your internal resources are constantly being debited. Let
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: me charge that to the game, and let me charge
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: that to the bank of me, over and over again.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: You're charging it to the bank of you. What do
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: you have left for yourself? There has to be some
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: of you left in all of this. And so today
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  Speaker 1: I want you to wake up while you still can,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: while you still have your dreams ahead of you, while
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: you still have the ability to create, because you were
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: brought here on purpose for a purpose. You were made
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: by a creator so that you can be creative. And
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: when you start draining yourself dry, it's hard to find
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: those creative juices. And I know what I'm gonna say
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: today for some may sound like a negative message. But
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: if you really listen, not listen to respond, but listen
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: to understand, you will become confident in your know You're
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: gonna leave this episode more confident with a no than
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you ever have. And that's what I want for you.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So to flip this, there's a movie called yes Man.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Back in two thousand and eight, Jim Carrey played this
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: character Carl. Carl begins this movie by embracing the mantra
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  Speaker 1: of saying yes to everything. And the whole thing about
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: it is he was in this rut and he really
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: wanted to open himself up to experiences in life and
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: relationships and personal growth, which is what we all want.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: And I think that is a safe way to introduce
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: ourselves to yes's. But eventually, this radical change at Jim Carrey,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: his character Carl played it brings positivity into his life.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And I think a yes can and a yes has.
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  Speaker 1: I have had and said yes to things that have
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: brought me out of my rut. It has allowed me
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: to discover new things or things I'm passionate about. I know,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I've been talking all year about my wellness journey and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: my fitness journey and all of that, and that was
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: me saying yes to something I had never said yes
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: to before. Community a new space. I'm driving twenty five
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: minutes at four thirty am almost every single morning. I've
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: been doing this since March simply because I said yes
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  Speaker 1: to me, And so yes yes does have positive implications
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  Speaker 1: on your life. But I want you to be ready
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: to rest in your know and I want you to
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  Speaker 1: do it knowing that you have manageable goals. I know
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: a lot of times when you get these new concepts
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: or new ways of thinking about things, you get these
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: goals and they feel kind of unreachable. But I want
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: to give you goals that are reachable when it comes
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  Speaker 1: to you resting in your know And the first one
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: is preserving your energy and focus. When you say no,
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  Speaker 1: you are allowing your self to preserve your energy for
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  Speaker 1: the things that require your yes, the things that truly matter,
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  Speaker 1: the things that are important to you. Otherwise you find
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: yourself spreading yourself too thin. And then what happens is
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: that emotional, that mental strain, because now you've made commitments,
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: you've obligated yourself, and you're trying to not only obligate yourself,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: and you're trying to excel and be perfect in those
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: spaces and that don't align with your values. That's not
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: what you said when you said that you had things
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: on your success path to achieve. It did not include
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: you using all of your energy resource right for everything
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: but the things that are important for you. Preserving your
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: energy essentially allows you to not get into a space
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: of burnout and keep the main thing the main thing.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: The second manageable goal is maintaining boundaries, and I know
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: that we all set boundaries, and it is important to
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: set boundaries so that you can have a personal well
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: being because I promise you, if you don't, everybody's gonna
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: walk in your life. If you don't, you're gonna have
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: to do everything for everyone. So saying no is gonna
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  Speaker 1: help you protect your time, your energy, and avoid those
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: things that are unnecessary for you. That may not be necessary.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: It might be nice, but is it necessary. Get out
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: of that rut doing things that don't serve you. And
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I know, again this may sound like a self serving situation,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: but guess what. If you are burning out and you
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: are allowing yourself keyword, allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: other people's demands and expectations, you can no longer say
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: you have boundaries, and that means anything and anyone can
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: enter in and that is not manageable. So setting your
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: boundaries and maintaining your boundaries is manageable. Number three, I
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: want you to be authentic with the know. Be authentic
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: with the know. It's okay to say no when something
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: doesn't resonate with you. That means you're being true to you.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: You're not conforming to what culture says you're not conforming
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to what your friends say, you're not conforming to what
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: your family expects. You are authentically allowing yourself a no.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you what happens when you start setting
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: your foot down and being for real. It builds, first
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: of all, self respect, and now you can be in
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: more honest conversation and relationship with people because you're not pretending.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: You're not in this pretentious situation anymore. You're being real.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: This doesn't serve me. This I'm not interested in, and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: this is not where i want to spend my time.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: So be authentic with that. No. One of the things
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: that Tony says in this Mantra affirmation album, dishonest Yes,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: is an honest no let that sink in And I
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: thought that was perfect when it comes to fostering authenticity.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Another manageable activity when it comes to resting in your NO,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: is prioritizing rest and reflection. I think because we live
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: in a society that's get up and go, move, move, move,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: and grind, grind, grind, you probably find yourself deprioritizing your rest.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Rest is needed. Rest is necessary for your long term success.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to repeat rest is necessary for your long
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: term success, and when you say no, you are creating
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: space for that rest. Again. You are brought here to
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: do creative things. I don't know about you, but when
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I am tired, when I am fatigued, when I have
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: nothing left in the tank, there's no room for creativity,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: there's no room for that long term plan, that long
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: term stretch. I mean, it's just like it's just like
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: my fitness journey. Right if I'm going to get assessment
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: for a run, or get assessment for some of the
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: activities that we do, I need rest. I can't just
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: rely on my nutrition and I can't just rely on
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: my strength. I also need to maintain rest. The same
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: thing happens in life when it comes to resting. In
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: that note, when you are declining commitments, I know it
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable because you feel like you've got to be
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: everywhere for everyone, But you got to give yourself grace,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: give yourself a chance to recharge, to reflect and to recalibrate.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: We take our cars and if we hear a funny sound,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: or if we think there might be something going on,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: we're ready to take it into the mechanic, or at
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: least we should be right so that we can recalibrate
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: and find out what's going on. So we can assess
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: to find out what's going on. But when it comes
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: to ourselves, we just keep going and going and going,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: knowing that something doesn't sound right. No one that doesn't
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: something doesn't feel right until we have nothing left. But
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: when you do that, when you now take your car in,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: when you now get recalibrated, you build better mental clarity,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: and that helps decision making. And ultimately, when you're making
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: decisions and you're clear you might not have made the
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: right decision that somebody sees us the right decision, but
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: you made the best decision for you. And when you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: start making decisions for you that's best for you, you start
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: trusting yourself, and that's really important when you are on
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: a journey of resting in your know. And then finally,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: this is my favorite one, and this is one that
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: we don't see coming when it comes to resting in
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: your no one manageable goal. One way to help you
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: see the wins in this is the fact that you
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: get to empower others. And it may not seem like
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: that at first, but when you say no and you
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: step back, it gives somebody else the opportunity to step up.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: It gives somebody else the opportunity to take on the
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: responsibility that otherwise would be in your face. And now
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: they're faced with it, and now they're stepping up and
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: they're contributing, and they're sharing the load. Man, it's such
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: a learning experience when you do that. And as a parent,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I have to say, those are some of the things
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: that I've had to do to allow my kids, my
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: young adults as actually to become who they need to
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: become in this world for themselves. If I keep doing
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: for them, they will never be empowered to learn how
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: to or step into and quite honestly fail while going forward,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: which is okay, but it's important for them to learn.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: But it's also important for you when you are in
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: this position to encourage collaboration and guess what, it's a
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: sneaky way of setting a boundary without really going down
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: that stringent approach to setting or maintaining boundaries. I want
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: you to go for from this episode being more powerful
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: with your No. You don't have to be nasty about it,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: you don't have to be rude about it. Just maintain
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: your power with it, be authentic with it, use it
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: to create space for things that are more meaningful for you,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: just like Jim Carrey in the movie Yes Man. By
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: the end of the movie, Kyl realizes that saying yes
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: to everything really didn't help him because he fell into
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the burnout and all of the things that happened when
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: we give our yeses away. What he realized is that
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: he needs balance. And I know that a lot of
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: you have yes in your vocabulary, but you don't have
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: a no. And that's why I say you need a
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: balance of confidently saying no. It's okay to say no.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: For me, No protect my piece and I'm a big
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: propose for peace, especially my own. No can be gentle,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and no is sincere and finally, no, it was a
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: complete sentence. So I want you to rest in your no.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I want you to know that if you've never considered
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: this approach, try it on. I guarantee it's going to
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: bring you into alignment with your boundaries and you and
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I know that those are essential for a healthy, enriched,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: and fulfilling life. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: of the Urine Ritsup Podcast. And the only way I'm
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: gonna know this is if you leave me some feedback.
• 19:54
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• 19:59
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• 20:03
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  Speaker 1: we have the affirmation of the week, the Quote of
• 21:18
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• 21:41
  Speaker 1: the next one hundred and sixty eight hours so that
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• 21:50
  Speaker 1: meet again.