Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 178 // 4 Reasons Women with ADHD Feel Misunderstood

Transcript

178 // 4 Reasons Women with ADHD Feel Misunderstood · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

• 0:00
  Feeling misunderstood is not a very good feeling. It can almost feel like a
• 0:05
  sense of rejection, like who we are at our core, who we truly are is not being
• 0:11
  accepted in some capacity.
• 0:13
  So in today's episode, we're going to talk about four reasons why women with
• 0:17
  ADHD feel misunderstood and what you can do about it.
• 0:23
  Are you tired of feeling like you don't fit in, like you're not good enough the way you are?
• 0:27
  In this podcast, I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence
• 0:31
  so you can know in your heart that you do belong.
• 0:34
  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
• 0:38
  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur.
• 0:41
  Join me in building confidence so you can experience success with ADHD in all areas of your life.
• 0:48
  So go grab yesterday's coffee from the microwave and let's get started.
• 0:52
  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host,
• 0:56
  Kelsey Spronk, And today we're going to talk about why women with ADHD often
• 1:00
  feel misunderstood and what you can do about it.
• 1:03
  Before we start, if you don't want to miss out on future episodes,
• 1:06
  don't forget to scroll down and click that follow button.
• 1:10
  All right, so today I'm going to talk to you about four reasons I believe we
• 1:14
  feel misunderstood as women with ADHD, and then I will give you six things that
• 1:19
  you can do to deal with feeling misunderstood.
• 1:23
  Now, first of all, let me just say that feeling misunderstood can be so incredibly frustrating.
• 1:30
  You can try to scream at the top of your lungs, that's not what I meant,
• 1:35
  that was not my intention, that's not who I am, and it can be so incredibly discouraging.
• 1:42
  So especially for women with ADHD, I believe four reasons why we end up feeling misunderstood.
• 1:47
  Number one, our environments are not designed for us and for the way that our brains think.
• 1:55
  Now, this can mean that other people don't understand that.
• 1:59
  The intentions that we have behind things when we do something a little bit different.
• 2:04
  Maybe they don't understand the supports that we need to do something that for
• 2:08
  them, for somebody else, a neurotypical, they might not need that.
• 2:13
  And so I think having those environments that are not designed for us that we
• 2:17
  then need to alter or have supports or do things differently can leave us feeling misunderstood.
• 2:23
  The second one is why we feel misunderstood is that who we are is not being affirmed.
• 2:29
  Now, I think in some situations this is improving, but when we live in a very
• 2:35
  neurotypical world and our creativity and our empathy and all these things about
• 2:41
  who we are is not being affirmed,
• 2:44
  then I think it can feel like people don't actually understand or appreciate
• 2:49
  the good in who we are and the strengths that we do have.
• 2:53
  The third reason why we might feel understood is that we are masking.
• 2:57
  Now, this is not to add shame and say this is something that you were doing wrong.
• 3:02
  We often mask out of survival. We mask out of wanting to belong,
• 3:07
  wanting to fit in, not wanting to deal with the rejection when we show up authentically.
• 3:15
  And so I think when we mask, which is essentially trying to hide some of the
• 3:20
  parts of who we are and trying to fit in, so to speak.
• 3:24
  I think that can leave us feeling misunderstood because we are showing up not as ourselves.
• 3:31
  The fourth one, as far as feeling misunderstood, is that unfortunately there's
• 3:35
  still a lot of stigma and shame surrounding ADHD. I was reading this in Dr.
• 3:40
  Jenny Byrne's book, ADHD and Professionals, and she was saying that,
• 3:44
  There is still a lot of stigma and misunderstandings about ADHD in general,
• 3:50
  as far as, you know, you can't.
• 3:53
  You know, you can't be intelligent, you can't be accomplished,
• 3:56
  you can't be whatever the thing is, or you can't focus.
• 4:00
  There's all these misunderstandings surrounding ADHD itself that can then make
• 4:06
  those of us who have ADHD feel misunderstood.
• 4:10
  Now, that was a lot, and we're going to get into in a second the six things
• 4:14
  that you can do to deal with feeling misunderstood.
• 4:18
  So number one, I want you to recognize that you are not alone.
• 4:23
  Having community, having people who understand what you're experiencing can
• 4:28
  go a long ways. Whether you are here with me on the podcast,
• 4:32
  I love that. I love that you are here. Thank you for being here.
• 4:35
  Whether you want to join our Facebook community, I can link that below.
• 4:40
  Whether you want to join in the course you have coming up, whether you have,
• 4:43
  close friends or people you spend time with who understand what you're experiencing,
• 4:48
  it's so incredibly powerful to have that connection,
• 4:52
  and those people who do understand, love, and accept you as you are.
• 4:58
  The second part is kind of part of what I just said, but it's finding people who do get you.
• 5:02
  So it's not just people who love you, which is very important,
• 5:07
  people who love and accept you as you are, but people who understand you.
• 5:11
  They understand how your brain works.
• 5:13
  They understand how you approach things. They understand you didn't have poor
• 5:18
  intentions when you do something.
• 5:21
  They see the strengths in you. So finding your people who do get you.
• 5:25
  If this is something that you are struggling to find, I would love to partner
• 5:29
  with you through ADHD coaching so that we can find your community,
• 5:33
  you can go to ADHDwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings and then book a
• 5:38
  15-minute intake call to see if that's the right fit.
• 5:42
  Number three of what you can do, knowing who you are.
• 5:46
  So a part of this is if we want to unmask and show up authentically,
• 5:53
  which gives us the opportunity to be understood for who we truly are,
• 5:57
  we need to actually know who we are.
• 5:59
  So a part of that is asking questions and being curious and learning to let
• 6:05
  go of the labels and the judgments that others have put on us or that we've put on ourselves.
• 6:11
  Something that I believe will be incredibly helpful for this is the upcoming
• 6:16
  ADHD confidence course I have it's coming out in January of this next year,
• 6:21
  and I have a wait list so if you want to join that head to ADHDwithconfidence.com
• 6:26
  forward slash offerings and you can sign up for the wait list there,
• 6:30
  number four as far as feeling misunderstood you can adjust your environment whenever possible.
• 6:38
  As an example, a lot of people with ADHD thrive as entrepreneurs or in the right
• 6:43
  kind of high stress environments where you're problem solving and you're being
• 6:49
  creative and you're thinking outside the box instead of being in
• 6:53
  a nine to five following orders and doing book work as an example.
• 6:59
  So what I mean for this one is that.
• 7:02
  This is going to help build your confidence, and this is going to help so that,
• 7:07
  when you feel misunderstood by others, at least you understand yourself and
• 7:11
  you are in an environment where you feel like you can thrive with your unique
• 7:16
  perspective and your unique traits.
• 7:19
  Number five is to practice unmasking.
• 7:23
  This means living authentically as yourself so that you at least have the opportunity
• 7:28
  to be loved and accepted by others and understood by them.
• 7:31
  And as I said a second ago, part of this is learning who you are,
• 7:37
  is practicing in these little snippets, showing up authentically around your safe people.
• 7:43
  Now, hear me out when I say this is not an easy task.
• 7:48
  You don't go from masking for years or decades to all of a sudden being able
• 7:54
  to show up authentically all the time.
• 7:58
  This might come in little pieces and you know what sometimes unfortunately there
• 8:03
  are times that we do mask I I will share I still do this there are times where,
• 8:08
  I don't want I don't have the energy to deal with potential rejection of how
• 8:15
  I show up differently and so I will,
• 8:18
  mask to a certain extent some of the things that I would other do otherwise do like interrupting or.
• 8:24
  You making impulsive decisions or whatever it is to a certain extent,
• 8:28
  because sometimes it protects me.
• 8:31
  But as long as we know that at the core of who we are, we also need to show up authentically,
• 8:39
  in at least some of our relationships, at least some of the time in our life,
• 8:44
  in order to have that feeling of being fully known, fully loved, and fully accepted.
• 8:49
  Actually, just this morning, I was at a women's Bible study at my church,
• 8:54
  and they were talking about the fact that.
• 8:57
  God fully knows us. We are fully known, and we are fully loved.
• 9:04
  And when you let that sink in, it's just such a beautiful picture,
• 9:07
  and it's so calming to know.
• 9:10
  He knows every single part of who you are.
• 9:13
  He knows your heart better than you do, and He is the safest possible space
• 9:20
  that you could have to unmask, to show who you truly are,
• 9:25
  and to be fully loved, accepted, and understood.
• 9:29
  Now, number six is, as far as feeling misunderstood, something that we can do
• 9:34
  is be willing to educate on ADHD.
• 9:37
  Now, this is something that I'm not saying you need to do this all the time,
• 9:42
  especially if you're not comfortable with it,
• 9:44
  but if you are, take those little micro moments to educate somebody on ADHD,
• 9:50
  when they make a comment about how we can't focus, you can,
• 9:54
  you know, lovingly educate them and say, well, actually the name sounds like
• 9:58
  that, but that's not quite what it's like.
• 10:01
  We can actually focus better. And that's something that is included in the ADHD
• 10:06
  and professionals book.
• 10:07
  We can actually focus better than our neurotypical counterparts when it's something
• 10:12
  that we are interested in.
• 10:14
  And so these little moments of helping people to understand some of the misconceptions
• 10:20
  or the misunderstandings around ADHD.
• 10:23
  Now, I said there was six, but there is a seventh one on here.
• 10:26
  So something else you can do if you are struggling with feeling misunderstood,
• 10:31
  seek therapy or counseling, coaching, mentorship.
• 10:35
  If you would like to work with me, I would love to partner with you on this
• 10:39
  for ADHD coaching. You can go to ADHDwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings.
• 10:45
  It's, I believe, the second option on there.
• 10:47
  You can sign up for a free intake call. And in coaching, we work on essentially
• 10:52
  creating a life that fits for you, a life that feels fulfilling.
• 10:57
  It feels balanced. It feels joyful. It feels like you can be yourself and enjoy
• 11:05
  your life and feel like it's meaningful.
• 11:08
  So if that's something you're interested in i would love to partner with you.
• 11:11
  I'm going to do a quick recap as i usually do so why we feel misunderstood four
• 11:16
  things our environment's not designed for us number two who we are is not being
• 11:21
  affirmed number three we're masking
• 11:23
  number four unfortunately there's still stigma and shame around adhd,
• 11:28
  now the seven things we can do about it number one recognize you aren't alone
• 11:32
  number two find people who do get you number three know who you are.
• 11:37
  Number four, adjust your environment whenever possible.
• 11:40
  Number five, practice unmasking.
• 11:43
  Number six, be willing to educate others on ADHD. And then number seven,
• 11:48
  seek professional help.
• 11:50
  I hope today's episode has helped you or blessed you in some way.
• 11:54
  Thank you so much for taking the time to be with me here today,
• 11:57
  and I look forward to the next one.