Latest / The Kink Consultant / Behind the Scenes of Kink, Creativity, and Control with Beau Delacroix

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Behind the Scenes of Kink, Creativity, and Control with Beau Delacroix · The Kink Consultant

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It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hey everyone, welcome to this
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week's episode of The King Consultant.
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I am joined by amazing and very sexy content creator Bo
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Delacroix, who I first discovered on Instagram and then
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through a rabbit hole of amazing only fans content.
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Thought this is someone I need to have on the podcast, so
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welcome Bo. Hi, happy to be here.
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Yeah, thank you so much. I want to understand, who are
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you, Bo? I mean, on Instagram, you
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present as a Dom. Are you a Dom?
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Yes, Yeah, I've been in the lifestyle for quite some time
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and and this is actually just recently is the first time I've
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included that Dom content in what I post on Instagram and
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only fans. Before that, I was just
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following the conventional wisdom to keep kink out of it.
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You don't want to alienate people.
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Yeah. So that's definitely a big part
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of my life outside of the content creation well before
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that. That's awesome.
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When you started making content, were you sort of disappointed?
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You were thinking like, oh, I'd love to include kink, but it's
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just probably not going to make money?
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Or were you happy to keep them separate?
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I didn't mind keeping them separate, I just didn't see
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maybe the market for it. My background was in photography
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and videography, so I think that I didn't realize how valued kink
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would be in this space. I thought that that's where the
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value would come from was producing high quality content
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when a lot of it is filmed on iPhones or smartphones.
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I didn't realize how valuable would be in the space, which is
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kind of naive, but. No, not naive at all.
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I think that everyone would assume high quality content.
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How did you first get involved in kink?
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Were you like from a very young age or were you introduced to?
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It, I wasn't really introduced to it, I sort of had to dig it
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up myself. So I'm from a very small town
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way up north in Canada, and there isn't any small town I
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think in North America is going to be conservative and
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especially if it's fairly isolated, there wasn't really
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much of A kink community. There was some people who were
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interested in it, but there was number sense of community online
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or otherwise. If you search fat life in Prince
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George, there's about 7 results and nobody shows their face
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because they don't want to be recognized.
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Right? Yeah.
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So the community aspect was really missing.
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So I was just learning what I could from online sources.
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And for the first, I'm 33 now. From probably the age of about
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22 to 27, I was the kinkiest person I knew.
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I was always the kinkiest person in the room.
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So you you learn and you grow and you enjoy things a lot
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slower, I think, when you don't have other people to experiment
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with and to learn from. How were you learning then?
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Like what was your journey of learning just online?
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Yeah, it was mostly online resources, podcasts like this
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one, although 10 years ago they were a lot less prevalent,
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right? Absolutely.
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It wasn't something that I could really include in my daily life
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like I do now. Yeah, because it was a lot more
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taboo up there, right. So not only was I the kinkiest
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person I knew, you know, whole areas of my life where I just
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wouldn't mention it, you know, I was younger, I was new in my
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career. I, you know, didn't want to
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jeopardize that. So you're a lot more careful.
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So I would say I kind of minimized it in my life
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unfortunately, so it I didn't get all the enjoyment out of it
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that I do now. I know because you're kind of
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hiding a part of yourself, so you can't fully lean into it in
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the same way. But keeping that side of
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yourself hidden or secret or whatever it is, it's kind of
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important when you do have a career, I think especially were
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you still living in the small town or did you move out mid
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20s? I left the small town in my late
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20s. I think I was 28 when I left
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there. I'm public about my location.
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So I can tell you I'm in Vancouver.
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I moved down here about five years ago.
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Yeah. And so I think maybe we'd be in
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different situations there, though, because for men, it
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doesn't really jeopardize your career in the same way, right?
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The stigma does not really land the same way in a public setting
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versus, you know, a woman being open about it in her career.
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And I also work in construction. The standards are a lot lower
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there, I think for you know how you have to be politically
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correct at work. I agree with that.
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Do you think though, that that is just because you're dominant?
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Like if you were submissive, there might be different
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connotations, especially working in construction.
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Oh, absolutely, yeah. I think my experience is
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probably the most free from discrimination and stigma that I
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can imagine because like I said, the industry I'm in, my gender,
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my body, I'm a big guy. I'm about 6 five.
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I think I, I'm treated much differently because of that,
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especially in construction. And you're right.
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If I came out and said, you know, I'm submissive and I'm,
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you know, really enjoying exploring pegging, that would be
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received much differently because homophobia is rampant in
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construction. That is the reputation it has.
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It might not even be a woman man thing.
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It's a dominant submissive thing.
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I think because finding out a woman, no matter her career, is
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dominant, I think there's a power move in that that's going
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to be more socially acceptable because in a way it's really
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bucking the trend of women being submissive.
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It's the anti patriarchy sparky move to be a Dom.
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And I think even when I told people I was a pro Dom, there
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was like a respect to it of like, wow, you're a badass.
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But I was also a pro sub. If I start by telling someone I
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was a pro sub, it's very much like, so you were giving sexual
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favors and it's like, no, I wasn't doing that in either of
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those roles. But the approach, the thing
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people say first, it's always falls into those two categories.
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So I always like think about that when it's like who is
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accepted and who's not. And I think it's sometimes more
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of a power thing than a man woman thing from my experience.
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If there are any pro Doms in construction who are open about
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it listening I mean, I'd love to hear what that experience is
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like. But I also related when you
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mentioned the small town. I grew up in a small town in
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Ireland. I was so young when I knew what
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I was into, but I wouldn't even bring up kink because I was so
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young. My learning experience was like
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if I was reading a romance novel and I would read every romance
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novel I could get to hope that there was 1 scene in it that
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might turn me on or might be something somewhat kinky.
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So I'd be like trying to go to secondhand stores to buy the
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1980s prints of books to get that stuff.
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And when I see your Instagram posts, it kind of reminds me of
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those old time romance novels, except for the here and now.
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I'd love to know how do you get your inspiration of what you're
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making? Well, I've actually had an
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interesting journey of the content that I'm creating.
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I think I always refer to myself as a strange man.
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I've been involved in a lot of creative pursuits throughout my
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life. They're usually never quite
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mainstream. So I think I started initially
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making adult content. Well, I started having sex on
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the Internet in about 2000, 19, because a partner wanted to
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explore exhibitionism because they hadn't really had a chance
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to explore kink. They've been with the same
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partner for eight years at that time, which at the age of 27 is
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most of your adult life. So they wanted to explore
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exhibitionism. So before it was even in fashion
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to have an only fans, we had a Snapchat with thousands of
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people watching us just for fun. Wait, you did this on Snapchat?
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Wow, OK. Way back when, I don't think
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it's as easy to do on Snapchat anymore.
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No, you can't put it on the public stories by any means.
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You can't be on the Discover page, but.
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But still, I mean, I we're so used to platforms being so
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strict now that it's kind of hard to imagine.
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I was actually recently banned permanently from Snapchat.
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So I can tell you when it comes to promoting the sale of adult
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content, they are very strict. But if you're just creating it
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and putting it out there, of course they're fine with that
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because I think that's a big part of what their platforms
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used for. Learning something new every
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day. This is the first time I'm
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hearing this. I actually didn't know that
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either until I was banned for it.
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Did you talk to a lawyer or anything to see if you could get
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back on or you really did breach their terms of service?
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I yeah, I violated the hell out of their terms before.
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Yeah, before they noticed I was violating them daily.
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So, OK, that one's understandable.
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OK, I want to ask you like, what was that conversation like when
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your partner at the time brought this to you?
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Were they awkward about it or was Lita and I want to try it
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and you both decided together what was the journey of knowing
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that they were sort of interested in this to actually
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going to Snapchat? I remember it being fairly
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smooth actually. I've always been pretty open
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about these things. Like I don't really carry a lot
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of shame about it. I never have.
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And so I think people find that it's easy to bring these things
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up when they're in relationship with me because even if it's not
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something they're interested in, I'm still talking about it.
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I'm talking about my past, my history.
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So the conversation feels fairly open already.
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And it actually came up because she had a friend who used to
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always joke. They had a friend group that was
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all couples. And this one friend used to joke
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that, you know, if anybody wanted to let her watch them
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have sex, she was interested. And I mentioned that one time.
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I said that's funny that Michelle makes that joke.
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And my partner said, well, she's not joking.
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Like she's made it very clear. Other times she's not really
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joking like she would be interested.
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She wants to watch this Michelle person.
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She wants to watch. And so in my partner said, you
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know, they were interested in exploring some kind of kink and
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that one kind of appealed to them, but not Michelle,
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obviously. Yeah.
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So we actually made some dating app accounts to, you know, find
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people who are interested in watching down here in Vancouver.
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We changed our location because we didn't want to obviously use
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the small town that we were in. Yeah, I can see exactly why.
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So we changed the location to down here and people are, yeah,
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very interested, especially when it's free, they're extremely
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interested. And that was kind of the first
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taste I got of that sense of community around sharing
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sexuality because there were, I mean, there's thousands of
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people, but we had a range of experiences with those people
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when we would post something on our story and they would comment
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and write us messages back saying, you know, that's
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fascinating. I've never thought of that.
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Or can you guys try this and let me know how it is?
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Or they would ask us questions about, you know, how we figured
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out we liked that. And there was one man in
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particular that is really memorable.
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He asked if he could send us pictures of him wearing panties.
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You know, we were curious and fine with it.
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So we said, sure, go ahead. And afterwards, he sent us this
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video where he was like breaking down and tears because he'd
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never been able to show anyone that.
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And it was the only opportunity he'd had in this like, anonymous
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community where in the grand scheme of things, he was still
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fairly isolated because he was only seeing us.
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He didn't even have other people in the community to speak to.
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But that little tiny bit of community was really, really
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meaningful for him. And I think that's so, so
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important when it comes to this stuff, which is a big part of
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the reason that I am very open about my location.
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I'm very open about like, if you see me in public, you can come
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speak to me. You can say hi because community
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is incredibly important. And I'd like to be a part of the
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community any way I can. That story is powerful.
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I've talked about this on multiple podcasts that I've even
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gone on Men wearing women's lingerie is so common, right?
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And it's so shamed. And I, I end up having a lot of
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wives and girlfriends contact me because they find their partner
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wearing panties. And I, I jokingly say like, I
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talked them off the ledge. But I do.
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And I'm like, if you only understood how common it was.
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So I feel for people. It's so hidden.
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And when you think about it, why do undergarments even need to be
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gendered? This is a point a lot of people
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make to me. I'm like, and then we just shame
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people for it or, you know, don't allow people to be
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themselves. I'm so glad you were able to
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give him that opportunity. And hopefully it sent him on a
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way of being slightly more open or accepting because you guys
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saw. Him, I mean, that was six years
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ago, so I don't know where he is now, but hopefully he's a little
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further down that path. Oh my gosh, six years ago was
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such a different time, like COVID.
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You can't say whether, I mean, obviously it was bad, but like I
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think the surge of only fans, the surge of content creators, I
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think it just normalized some of this.
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A lot of now it's not like, oh, they're porn stars or whatever.
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It's like, oh, there aren't only fans.
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It's a whole new world where hopefully people are more
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accepted. Definitely.
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And even if we get more acceptance, that's amazing.
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But I think the the bigger picture is it's put a lot of the
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power back in the hands of the content creators, right?
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Absolutely. The porn industry was notorious
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for taking advantage of women, and now these women have so much
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more control over the content they create, who they sell it
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to, you know, what they tolerate in the process of doing all
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that. Yeah, absolutely.
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So in Las Vegas, the AVN Awards happen.
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A lot of porn stars come into town and adult entertainment
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stars. And I often get talking to the
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ones who are maybe 40 or 50. They'd been in the industry a
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long time ago. And just hearing the stories of
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how they would make maybe one hour of content they would get
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paid for one day. But the content they made in
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that day was chopped and sold in ways that like companies were
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making 1000 X what they were making.
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And it is good that it was taken back because the stories are so
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sad. It's just they had no power and
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there was just no opportunity to take charge.
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And now they're sort of trying to figure out their world on
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only fans of taking it back, but obviously in a different age
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bracket, offering different things and really trying to
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differentiate themselves in a world where now so many more
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people are doing it. So it was like there were two
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sides to it. It was easy to become famous or
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easier to become really famous, but also a lot of being taken
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advantage of. I always think it's interesting
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because that's the other side of it.
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There's a lot of competition that possibly didn't exist 20
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years ago if you were willing to do this work.
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Very true, yeah. The circumstances were so much
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different that you had to tolerate, you had to be OK with
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so much more nonsense that it really cut down on the amount of
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people who are willing to get involved because there was no
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getting involved. Just a little bit.
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It was you're a porn star or you're not, right?
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That's exactly it. And and that was all people
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really thought. It's like you're doing sex work
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or you're not doing sex work, but it's slightly more nuanced
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now people understand like, oh, it's not just having sex.
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There's so many sides to it, especially when we talk about
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kink. Absolutely, yeah.
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OK, so how did you make the jump from Snapchat?
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Did it go Snapchat to only fans? Snapchat, Instagram only fans?
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Like what was your pipeline? The pipeline was things ended
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with that partner and that's when I moved down to Vancouver
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in the fall of 2020 when COVID was kind of at its height.
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I came down here and I was staying with a friend and I
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ended up dating that friend later.
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But yeah, we decided that we would do the same thing.
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We would start on Snapchat and then eventually move over to
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only fans. We had a lot of plans of the
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things we wanted to do and we started out with the idea of
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storytelling. I've been writing stories for a
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long time and so we wanted to take these stories and use
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ourselves as the actors to act them out and give them kind of a
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visual component, which was fun. It was a lot of work.
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Unfortunately, they were not the right person to do it with and
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so that didn't work out. But once I found myself single
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and thinking, OK, I still want to do adult content, I still
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really enjoyed so many things about that.
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How can I do this myself? How can I do this solo?
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Because we all know the statistics tell you that couples
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make so much more and the entry into it is so much easier if
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you're a couple, right? Because.
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You have universal appeal. But I was thinking how can I do
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this myself? And I think I mentioned earlier,
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I always present myself as a strange man because I just am.
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It's the way I grew up. My upbringing was sort of non
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traditional, so I tend to have a lot of non traditional ideas.
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And I took some time off that summer.
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I think it was the fall of the summer of 2021.
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I don't know if it was. It was a little too hot and I
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wasn't thinking straight. But eventually I got it in my
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head that I should take the story.
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Stories do the same thing, but I didn't have a partner to act
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them out with. So I decided that what I should
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do is get dolls clothes and make tiny costumes for my penis.
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And then I would act out these stories.
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I would write the stories and then narrate them over like a
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solo male masturbation video. But as the main character, which
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I've dressed my penis as is being seduced throughout the
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story, I'm sort of seducing my own penis and like removing its
14:14
tiny little clothes. Which saying it out loud now
14:17
sounds insane. No, I think it sounds genius.
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This face is like that's fucking genius.
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It was fun, I'll tell you that. It was really, really fun.
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I had a great time doing it. Whatever people hear about it,
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they're excited just like you are.
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They think it's fun and creative.
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I can tell you that The Commercial Appeal is not there.
14:33
Unfortunately. It's a very niche audience that
14:35
is interested in that. It doesn't know.
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Can I ask you say it's a very niche audience, Would you even
14:40
be able to categorize them like men between 40 and 45?
14:44
Like were you even able to categorize who was interested in
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it? That's a great question.
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The demographic, I could not tell you.
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It was all over the place. Yeah.
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That makes sense. That's what I love about kink
14:54
too. You choose one kink or one
14:56
fetish, and the group of people you're going to get together who
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enjoy that same thing very all over the place.
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The demographic is quite diverse.
15:02
Definitely. I think it's so separated from
15:04
culture that doesn't really fall in line with any cultural
15:07
demographics. Yeah, that's one of the things
15:09
that probably makes it so exciting and a fun community to
15:12
be part of. Like I speak all the time about
15:14
the Spanko community and just the number of friends of
15:17
different backgrounds all over the world that I've met and
15:19
connected with. Like my community grew globally
15:23
because of it. And I imagine that that is also
15:26
what makes it difficult to market some of this stuff
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sometimes. Like you said, the appeal wasn't
15:31
there, but I've never even thought about it.
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Like I think if you the more you talk about it, are those videos
15:36
still available for people to go watch?
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You know, I don't think they are.
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I think I've taken them down. I've repurposed the stories.
15:42
I repackaged them into books and audiobooks.
15:45
So I think I wanted to centralized them there.
15:47
I still have the videos. They still exist.
15:49
I think I'm going to pepper them into my content just as little
15:52
little Easter eggs later on, but no, there's no library to go
15:54
look at unfortunately. I love that.
15:56
I love that you thought that way.
15:58
So you call yourself a strange man?
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I've Co opted the word weird because I used to hear that all
16:02
the time. It was called weird all the time
16:04
growing up. When you said you had a non
16:05
traditional upbringing, were you a kid who always marched to the
16:09
beat of their own drum? We were a family that marched to
16:12
the beat of their own drum, so it was sort of compulsory to do
16:15
that as as a member of the family.
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My mother was, as I know now, very mentally ill.
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She was, yeah, always sort of on a new fad.
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She was always moving from thing to thing, and she was very
16:25
intense about it. But one thing that she really
16:27
believed in and was consistent about through our childhood was
16:29
our education. So she homeschooled us.
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And so I wasn't really exposed to, like, mainstream culture in
16:34
any significant way. My community was a lot smaller.
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I wasn't going to a school with hundreds of children.
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I I wasn't learning the same things as everyone else.
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I wasn't really connected to pop culture.
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We didn't have a television. We barely had a computer.
16:45
So you just kind of end up coming out a little different
16:48
than everyone who goes through the mainstream channels.
16:51
All the way through high school, like you homeschooled all the
16:54
way. Yeah, no, I've never been to a
16:55
public school. You realize at some point that
16:57
you're different, but I never really got the message that
16:59
there was a problem with that. We weren't learning what was in
17:02
school at home. We were learning something
17:04
entirely different. So there was a lot of focus on
17:06
like individuality and self determinism and ethics and
17:08
morality and creativity and things like that.
17:11
So we knew we were different and we're we were fine with it.
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Looking back, there were sometimes when I questioned why
17:16
she would read those books to a child, but I think it turned out
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OK. Yeah, no, I think you turned out
17:20
just fine. But also then like if I brought
17:23
a stranger in from outer space and told him about my Irish
17:25
Catholic upbringing and the stuff I was told and how like I
17:28
prayed to a statue of a man nailed to a cross, that would
17:32
seem different too so. Very true.
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Contextual, OK kink and weirdness is something that goes
17:38
hand in hand with me, again, because of the shame and the
17:40
spanking and the like, how I've carried it through such a young
17:43
age. If someone says that, I'm like,
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how were you viewed? What it speaks to to me is how
17:48
comfortable someone is branching out into their own kinks and
17:51
going out into the community is. If they're desensitized to
17:54
feeling different, often it's easier for them to step into
17:57
community. That has been my experience
17:59
talking to people. Yeah, very true.
18:01
You're probably not thinking about that decision of giving up
18:03
something as big as you might be if you had always felt like you
18:06
belonged in that community and sameness was very important to
18:08
you. Yeah, and that's basically what
18:10
you're describing. Like everyone marching to the
18:12
beat of their own drum. Does your family know what you
18:14
do? Yeah, I don't have much of a
18:16
relationship with my mother at this point, but I certainly
18:19
don't hide it. My siblings all know exactly
18:20
what I do. They're very supportive.
18:22
They're very strange individuals themselves.
18:24
I made the choice to, I stopped censoring myself a long time
18:26
ago. So I have a lot of great friends
18:29
that I grew up with who are still devout Catholics.
18:32
I don't censor myself. They all know exactly what I do.
18:34
They all hear whatever's going on in my life, not the version
18:37
that I think they would like because I think I'm, I mean,
18:39
socially, I've always been in a position to do that.
18:42
You can do that anytime. But it really clicked for me
18:44
when I was able to stop censoring myself at work and in
18:46
like, public spaces because I wasn't, you know, a 22 year old
18:50
just figuring out their career anymore.
18:52
I was like, well established. I wasn't trying to fit into a
18:54
space. I was, you know, dictating the
18:56
tone of that space. And so there's really no reason
18:59
to keep those things to myself anymore.
19:01
So much of what I do is just hearing people like the story
19:05
you described about the man who wore panties.
19:07
My calls are about the man who wants to tell their wife they
19:10
want to wear panties, you know? And it's just sort of listening,
19:13
being there and helping them get ready.
19:15
But it's nice to like, that's why I love the podcast.
19:17
I'm always getting to speak to people who are out and proud
19:20
about what they're doing. That's a lot of fun.
19:22
Must be nice to have that duality where you're helping
19:24
people get out of it and then you get to talk to people who
19:26
are thriving. It is the best feeling in the
19:28
world because I get to talk to people who are thriving.
19:30
I'm like, no, I promise it is worth the hard work you're
19:33
putting in now. And it's easier if I believe it
19:35
because there are people who are really struggling out there.
19:38
When you were dating or looking for a partner, how important was
19:42
it to you that they were kinky or had the same interests?
19:46
Is this a need or a want for you and your relationships?
19:50
Absolutely a need because like I said, it's a, it's a lifestyle,
19:54
right? I think I didn't fully accept
19:55
that until quite recently. I found myself dating outside
19:59
the community a lot, and I don't know why I was doing it.
20:02
I mean, I'm sure my therapist could tell me why, but yeah, I
20:04
didn't really prioritize kink when it came to meeting someone.
20:08
I guess it felt so normal and like, natural to me.
20:11
I didn't really predict that there would be much of A clash.
20:13
You know, if I'm interested in this, they're interested in
20:15
that. Vanilla people.
20:16
Tend to, especially if you're open about it, they always tend
20:19
to be curious and like initially anyway, kink positive and they
20:24
see it as like a valuable thing and they're excited to learn,
20:26
right? But I think that's a big
20:28
decision to meet someone in a relational context and be the
20:31
person who sort of like helps them enter kink.
20:34
I think that's a whole, a relationship dynamic that you
20:36
have to be prepared for because you won't have a peer or a
20:40
partner in kink. You will have someone who needs
20:43
to be cared for and needs to be LED right.
20:45
It's so interesting you say that as a Dom, because I know a lot
20:47
of Subs who say that looking for a Dom, they're like, well, I
20:50
don't want to teach them to hear a Dom say that.
20:53
I feel like a lot of Subs want to be taught.
20:55
I'm not really going anywhere with this exactly, but I just, I
20:58
hear a lot of submissive saying like I want to find a Dom who
21:00
knows what they're doing and I don't want to teach.
21:03
And it's kind of sounds like you're saying the same thing
21:04
about Subs, but like you want to find someone who's an
21:07
experienced sub. Yeah, I think that that probably
21:09
just comes from the narrative that, like Subs, you know, don't
21:12
have a very active role, like the sort of vanilla perception
21:15
that Subs are not taking huge active role.
21:17
It's the Dom doing everything right.
21:18
But anyone who's been in the community for a while knows that
21:21
it takes a ton of knowledge and experience and, you know,
21:23
motivation to be a great sub, right, To be a great partner in
21:27
any kind of scene, no matter which role you're slipping into.
21:30
Yeah. I think at the end of the day, I
21:31
don't want to teach all the time.
21:33
I'm happy to teach and share what I know.
21:35
But when you put that into a relational context, it can be
21:38
more difficult, right? Because there's no guarantee
21:41
that that person is really going to be interested in a lifestyle
21:44
in the same way you are. So you're taking a chance that
21:46
they might dip their toe in with you and go, that's not for me.
21:49
What do we do now? Or in my case, I actually came
21:51
across quite a few people who sort of fetishized kink and they
21:55
initially thought it was great and it was exciting that I was
21:57
able to be open with my sexuality and explore these
21:59
things. But at the end of the day, when
22:01
you get right down to it, they bring a lot of their own shame
22:04
and they think of it as sort of disgusting or unsavory.
22:07
It's interesting because I've never really heard of something
22:10
being like kink being fetishized by someone to the point that
22:13
they want to dabble it, but obviously it exists and I know
22:15
it does. It's just an interesting way to
22:17
put it. I think as culture advances and
22:20
the barrier between kink and mainstream life gets a little
22:23
thinner, people are more open about it.
22:25
People can be themselves, especially with social media.
22:27
I think vanilla people are a lot more aware of kink without
22:31
understanding it, right? And if you're aware something,
22:33
you just know what it looks like and what it seems like to you,
22:35
but you don't really know what's going on.
22:38
So you see the flashy, exciting, sexy parts, and maybe you're not
22:41
in touch with your sexuality and you really admire people who
22:43
are, which is great, but doesn't really end well if you bring
22:46
your own shame into that situation and then put it on
22:48
them. No, 100% it does not and it's
22:51
why the open conversations are so important.
22:53
But I still think we lack a lot of space to have those open
22:56
conversations. The advice I was give people is
22:58
get involved in your community because once you start to be
23:01
around people who are just like you and also kinky, it
23:05
normalizes it for you. Back in your dating days where
23:07
you were still dating vanilla, like were there any successful
23:10
things that you tried that helped them to tap into their
23:14
submission a little bit more? Any books you'd recommend to
23:16
them were like research for them to do Because I am very guilty
23:20
of dating vanilla and thinking I can change someone.
23:22
It has happened a lot in. Their lives.
23:25
It's so tempting and especially because kink isn't my number one
23:28
thing, it's my number three thing on the priority list, you
23:31
know? And if the 1st to sometimes a
23:34
shiny object is like so appealing I'll go for it.
23:37
But so I'm curious, did you have anything that worked for you
23:41
even a little bit? I think it is a great way to
23:44
connect with people because the best way to forge a new
23:46
connection is to do something, to try something, to push your
23:48
boundaries a little bit, to do something exciting.
23:51
So I think kink is so accessible if you're with an experienced
23:55
partner because it's right there, you know, they have the
23:57
knowledge and the tools right there in their hands.
23:59
But for a vanilla person, it can be so, so exciting.
24:02
I'm sure that sounds a little condescending, but it can be
24:04
very, very exciting for them because it's something they've
24:06
never tried that you know, might totally rock their world.
24:08
It's like going skydiving with someone and bonding over all the
24:11
endorphins, except you can do it in your own home, right?
24:13
So it is a fantastic tool for connection whether your partner
24:16
has experience or not. But I would say more so if they
24:18
don't have experience, right? I'm always like curious of like
24:20
what's the best way to teach people to because so many of my
24:23
clients then it's like teaching. They're already partnered,
24:26
they're 10/15/20 years into a relationship and then they bring
24:29
me in to help teach. And I'm like, I wonder what has
24:31
worked for other Doms and or Subs, you know?
24:34
So I often ask that question. There are certain books that
24:36
I'll hand to couples and I'll be like, I think you both need to
24:39
read these books. Nothing's the same as the lived
24:41
experience. Very true.
24:42
I think in all areas of life, I'm a big proponent of active
24:46
learning. So I would much rather take
24:48
three times as long to help somebody learn to do something
24:51
than just do it for them. Yeah.
24:53
And I think giving them the space to experiment and try
24:56
things and giving them the options, but not doing it for
24:58
them is really, really important.
25:00
Right. Because I don't know what they
25:02
like. They're the one who knows best
25:03
what they like, even if they're, you know, not sure what their
25:05
options are or not sure where to go next.
25:08
I can help them with that, but I can't do the learning for them.
25:10
I can't do the discovering for them, right?
25:12
I can just sort of facilitate that and keep them safe while
25:15
they're doing it. So I think it's more of a a
25:17
container than it is like a actual lesson.
25:19
There are so many movies that do not paint kink in the most
25:23
positive light and they break all the rules, but that's a
25:25
movie. I mean, no one looks at the Fast
25:27
and Furious for driving lessons. We watch Fast and Furious and we
25:31
enjoy the entertainment of it, but there there is a narrative
25:33
that the sub should just be taken care of as if there are
25:36
just doms who were Born This Way and knew how to do it perfectly
25:39
without having learned in the 1st place.
25:41
And I'm very big about submissives being empowered to
25:44
have boundaries and know what it's supposed to be like so that
25:48
if they do meet one of these people, they're not being taken
25:50
on a bad journey. So it's like both sides need to
25:52
be empowered, and you do that through education.
25:55
Absolutely. And if you show up to a
25:56
situation, to knowing what your boundaries are but not what you
25:59
actually enjoy, it's going to be really hard to connect with the
26:02
other person because they don't know how to bring you pleasure.
26:05
They have no idea, right? They're just sort of feeling
26:07
around in the dark. I just don't think you're going
26:08
to have a very good time. The discovery of what you enjoy
26:11
is difficult because I think more than one of us have been
26:14
faced with the idea of, oh, in theory, this is really exciting.
26:18
In actuality, this sucks. So there's an explorative
26:21
journey you need to go on. Has that not been your
26:23
experience ever? Absolutely.
26:24
Yeah, definitely. And I've also tried things that
26:27
I did not think I would like, and I ended up liking them a
26:29
lot. Oh yeah.
26:30
And So what you fantasize about is really, I think a lot of
26:34
people take it as a barometer of what they're going to enjoy.
26:36
But sometimes it's just a thing you never do.
26:38
You might do much kinkier things, but just not that one.
26:41
Because it's fun to fantasize about, but it's not fun to do.
26:43
Yeah. Or it's not practical to do.
26:44
Maybe it's expensive or time consuming or destructive, right.
26:47
I mean, there's a lot of kinks that you can try that take 10
26:50
minutes to figure out if you like, right.
26:51
And so yeah, a lot of times it might be amazing, but you know,
26:55
you're not going to find a place to store your vacuum bed and
26:57
then pull it out and set it up and and fire it up.
26:59
A girl can dream, but you're right, it's it's not likely.
27:03
Although a home dungeon has always been the goal.
27:05
I mean you have a nice little setup behind you.
27:07
I am not even handy enough to hang up command hooks.
27:10
So thank you. Thank.
27:11
You. Yeah, this is my content
27:13
creation corner, so I figured it was a good place to hang
27:15
everything. Yeah.
27:16
No, it's great. I make all these things that are
27:18
behind me and I do giveaways on my page.
27:20
So do you ever sell them? No, I don't sell them, no.
27:23
Too much work. It's just not something I want
27:25
to do as a job, right? And yeah, making artisanal wood
27:28
products is really only profitable if you have a whole
27:30
shop set up and things like that.
27:32
And I just do it. I do do it for fun.
27:33
I've always done these things for fun.
27:34
I'm very crafty and so I never wanted to sell them.
27:37
I give them away as gifts or now I've decided to give them away
27:40
on my page. I do a draw every month and then
27:42
whoever wins gets the toy that's being given away that month.
27:44
That's awesome. Do you create different
27:46
competitions for them or is it like the same thing like you
27:48
enter your e-mail or enter your name or something in to get so
27:51
it's? Just whoever is whoever
27:53
subscribed on the Only Fans. And there are.
27:55
There's always different ways to get more entries if you want
27:58
more entries. Awesome.
27:59
Do you have a favorite implement you've made?
28:02
Oh goodness, a favorite implement I made.
28:04
That's a great question. It's tough.
28:05
I've made so many different things.
28:07
I think if we're talking about like the most unique, like the
28:09
one that I've really like, enjoyed the story of the most,
28:12
it would be this one right here. So I made the mistake.
28:15
This was the first paddle I made.
28:16
I made the mistake of making it out of sugar Maple, which is
28:19
like a very dense wood and it's absurdly heavy.
28:23
It looks extremely too thick. OK.
28:25
All right. We're lined up way.
28:26
Too way too thick. Like you just you can't buy
28:28
paddles this size for a reason because they're so heavy.
28:31
It's almost 2 lbs, like 18 inches long.
28:33
It's not for use on humans, not very many anyway, but I had a
28:36
great experience with a friend of mine at an event that I
28:38
actually named it after her because she's the only person
28:41
who's been able to successfully use it.
28:43
Panda 750. Oh, OK.
28:45
Part part of her fat life tag. That's not her whole fat life
28:47
tag and weighs 750 grams. Wow, so for that's that is 2
28:53
pounds 454g Holy crap. Yeah, So that was, that one was
28:58
a lot of fun because it was the first one I made.
28:59
It was the first one I used and that was when I realized that
29:02
these are decorative. They're not for use on humans.
29:05
Yeah, very cool, though I don't know.
29:07
There's now part of me is like the unhinged part of me is like,
29:11
I want to try it now and see if I could take it.
29:13
But it you and as soon as you pulled it out, I saw how thick
29:15
and then when you said 18 inches because it's hard to tell
29:18
length, I'm like no, too much, too much.
29:20
It's also got a nice smooth surface, so it's it doesn't just
29:23
that, it also stings really badly.
29:25
Yes, I'm out with the stinging. OK.
29:27
Yeah. While you describe that,
29:28
obviously then you enjoy impact play.
29:31
I have to assume if you're making these, do you identify as
29:34
any particular type of Dom? Do you talk about your approach
29:38
in any particular type of way? How would you categorize it?
29:42
Pleasure Dom. Pleasure Dom.
29:44
OK. It's not that I like impact
29:45
play, it's that other people like it.
29:47
I like to please other people. But definitely Dom and not just
29:50
top. Yes, it's very important that
29:52
I'm in control. Would you say that extends to
29:53
every part of your life? I think I've found a lot of like
29:56
safety and comfort in being in control.
29:58
And so that's where I ended up going.
30:01
It was a combination of that. And when people saw me,
30:04
especially in a king setting, initially, they were like, you
30:06
seem like you should be in charge here because, you know,
30:09
you're enormous and I'm not. And so it was sort of a role
30:12
that I was nudged into over the years so many times that I just
30:15
thought I might as well embrace it.
30:16
And I do really enjoy it. I, I do really enjoy like
30:19
leadership roles. So I've always been in charge at
30:21
work. I've been a supervisor or
30:23
Superintendent or running my own business.
30:25
Yeah. I mean, who doesn't like to be
30:27
in charge? I guess some people.
30:28
But yeah, it just always made more sense to me.
30:30
I'm always fascinated by the people who are the same in all
30:33
parts of their life, you know, because there's a duality that I
30:36
have as like I have my own business.
30:38
I'm also a switch. But then I definitely enjoy
30:41
submission probably more than anything I say.
30:43
Like I'm an 80% sub, but I do like to be in control outside of
30:47
the bedroom, I guess, or outside of a dynamic.
30:50
I like to be in control. So I always ask people.
30:52
I ask a lot of people that because I'm really curious and
30:55
it was something when I was a like at a dungeon, that was one
30:57
of the questions I asked. I always wanted to know what
30:59
they did and what their life was like outside of whatever they
31:02
came in and asked for because I needed to picture both sides.
31:05
I always wanted to know if they were open to sharing.
31:07
Of course, I wouldn't force them to answer.
31:09
Yeah. Of course.
31:10
Did you find that people were, if they wanted to be in control
31:13
at work, they wanted also to be in control in their personal
31:16
life? Because I'd say that's where it
31:17
diverges for me as I don't need to be in charge of my personal
31:20
life or my relationships. You know, it's interesting
31:22
because at the end of the day, people were self selecting in.
31:25
It was a group of people who could afford to see a dominatrix
31:28
in a New York City dungeon. And a lot of people were cookie
31:31
cutter carbon copies of each other.
31:32
And I've talked about this before.
31:33
So many people say I married the person I was supposed to marry,
31:37
meaning whatever in the 80s was held up or this like late 70s or
31:41
80s was held up is this is the trophy partner, go marry them.
31:45
So everyone's story was disappointingly similar when it
31:49
came to what their lives were outside of it.
31:52
They were married to. It wasn't even a control thing.
31:54
Their wives were just stay at home wives.
31:56
So their wives ran the home and they went out and worked.
31:59
Do you know what I'm getting at? It wasn't even a story of
32:01
control. It was just of finances of they
32:03
were true. Yeah, yeah.
32:05
It was a very traditional gender role situation.
32:06
And then because they were coming to a dungeon, most of
32:08
them were seeing doms and they were being submissive.
32:11
And I don't know if they wanted to be in control at work, but
32:14
they were the type of person who supposed to move to New York
32:16
City and build themselves up in a financial career in finance or
32:20
any of the major hubs of industry where New York.
32:23
Is if they're in those traditional gender roles, then
32:26
they're going to be pushed into a leadership role in a lot of
32:28
ways at home and probably at work.
32:30
If they're working, they're the only income for the home.
32:32
Yeah, pretty much. And then the older they get and
32:35
their kids are older, they have a little bit more time and then
32:37
they'll go see a dominatrix. Although the lunch hour was the
32:41
busiest shift and I had AI had a full time job at the time, so I
32:44
never really got in on that lunch, lunchtime crew,
32:47
disappointingly. Yeah.
32:48
But thank you that the way you said that was so succinct.
32:51
Exactly that. I'm not big on labels except for
32:54
to help people research more what they're interested in
32:58
because it's such a big world. Labels are like signposts of
33:03
like, go down this path and see if this isn't of interest to you
33:06
and then you can go somewhere else.
33:07
And that's why I ask about the type of Dom and your approach to
33:10
doming, because I think that other people learn from that
33:13
too. Yeah, definitely.
33:14
And I think labels are very useful up to a certain point,
33:16
right? I think as long as you're not
33:18
using the label to define you because no one fits a box
33:21
perfectly, labels are definitely.
33:23
I'm a fan of labels for the educational purpose of it, but
33:27
when it comes to labeling myself, I struggle a lot.
33:30
I even as a mix of things, it's tough.
33:32
In what sense? Which part of yourself are you
33:33
labeling? Oh, when it comes to the kinky
33:35
side of myself, well, I'm definitely submissive, but I'm a
33:38
switch and the percentage, it's not even a percentage thing.
33:41
I I swing pendulum and it's like I'm either fully Dom or fully
33:44
sub and that has caused problems in my relationships before so I
33:47
find it difficult to call myself a switch when at times I am 100%
33:52
one or 100% the other. Do you think that?
33:54
I mean, we all know in our everyday life that there's no
33:57
onus on us to be the same person we were yesterday, today.
33:59
But I think when it comes to things like kink, where people
34:03
are forming relationships, you know, based on how they're
34:05
interacting and what they're really, really after sexually,
34:08
what might be their only interest, it can be a little
34:10
more difficult for them to accept when people are fluid and
34:13
those labels change. Oh, 100%.
34:15
As my last long term partner, it was basically things just ground
34:19
to a halt. If I was in one of my dominant
34:21
phases because they were not submissive and there was
34:23
nothing. I never expected him to switch
34:26
for me that would not have been his natural state.
34:28
But it did pose some problems, especially if it went for a long
34:31
time. But to our conversation about
34:33
control and being in control in your life versus king versus in
34:36
your relationship, I would be most dominant.
34:39
When I had changed a job or I didn't feel like I was on solid
34:43
ground in other areas of my life, I would lean dominant to
34:46
gain some of that control again. Yes, I know it makes sense, but
34:49
when it comes to the relationship side of things, if
34:52
I'm not feeling submissive, then I cannot submit.
34:54
Those are the struggles. Do you think there's a big
34:56
expectation on people to stay the way they are?
34:59
Because I noticed you said that it was your fluidity that caused
35:02
a problem in the relationship versus like your partner's
35:04
rigidity. Because I know a lot of people
35:06
who there's no fluidity, they are what they are and they're
35:09
not going to change. Actually, just this morning in a
35:11
conversation at work said about my partner.
35:13
Like I've never met someone who's such a bottom.
35:15
There is nothing other than bottom in them, which is fine,
35:17
it really works for us. But I can see how that would be
35:20
difficult in other relationships.
35:21
But I don't think the onus is necessarily on your partner to
35:24
or on you to adapt to your partner, right?
35:26
Because they could just as easily be adapting to you.
35:28
It's an interesting thing because I think we just move
35:30
into a non kinky type of play, whereas if I want to Dom, he was
35:34
never going to let me peg him. I will say that.
35:37
And that is a fair boundary to have so, but we had a monogamish
35:41
relationship because of things like that.
35:44
Yeah, it was sort of like, for me, it was seeking out kink
35:47
outside of the relationship. And for him, he just wanted to
35:49
enjoy other things on his own, which I mean, it worked until it
35:52
didn't. As a relationship, not as in a
35:54
monogamish thing. I don't know if you ski, but you
35:58
ski at the lower person's level. You don't bring someone up to a
36:01
black diamond if they're skiing Bunny slopes, right?
36:04
You go down to Bunny slopes. I'm really big on not pulling
36:06
people into an area they don't want to be in.
36:08
So if he was not in the mood to, he didn't want to be submissive
36:12
and he was as giving as he could be.
36:13
I am not saying he was rigid, I remember just having these
36:17
months on end where we were not connecting in the same way and
36:20
we would get past it but not connecting in the same way
36:22
because our flow is interrupted and that caused difficulty.
36:26
OK any last words on finding a kinky partner?
36:30
And any advice to people out there struggling because I think
36:33
it's one of the most common questions I get.
36:35
How do I meet a Dom? How do I meet a sub?
36:37
I mean, you fish where the fish are.
36:39
If you want to meet someone who's in the kink lifestyle, go
36:42
to where the kink lifestyle lives, right?
36:44
A lot of people are are searching for these people and
36:47
they're sort of jumping at shadows when somebody says that
36:50
they're into this or into that. But if you're on Tinder or
36:53
you're on Bumble, it's probably not going to work out because
36:55
people who are really kinky don't go into spaces where
36:58
that's not really welcome, right?
37:00
And where they can't express it. The dating app I've always used
37:02
is Field, because you can't express that right?
37:05
You can be much, much more open about it.
37:06
So I would say if you don't see openly, obviously kinky people
37:10
around you, then you're probably not going to find one because
37:12
you might find one. But if they're not right for
37:14
you, the next one isn't going to show up for months and months.
37:16
You're so right. And this week's just sort of the
37:18
different platforms available now.
37:20
I would argue that eight years ago, if you were on a dating
37:24
app, you had a higher chance of meeting a Dom on Bumble or
37:26
Tinder. But now everyone's migrated to
37:28
Field because Field finally exists.
37:30
I also like BD app. I know I would talk about it
37:33
because it matches you based on, you know, the BDSM test.
37:37
It matches you based on your results there.
37:39
So that's interesting. Yeah, I actually had them on the
37:41
podcast early on in my podcasting date, like the
37:44
founders of it came on and I spoke to them about it and I'm a
37:47
huge fan of that. And I met I met one person
37:49
through that who I had a short term relationship with here.
37:51
But my point is there was a time I think it was easier to meet
37:54
those people on Tinder. A lot of them were in their
37:57
community at the same time. But now because we have fields,
38:01
because we have BD app and there's a ton of others just
38:04
like Kinked Chirp, there are other kink focused dating apps
38:07
that exist and that's where people are going to be.
38:09
I think I've never heard anyone say fish where the fish are in
38:12
relation to this. But I'm like, oh duh, that's the
38:14
perfect answer. You're totally right.
38:16
Ten years ago, nobody knew where the fish were.
38:18
So you just sort of got lucky. I mean, that's where I met my ex
38:21
who I had a long term relationship.
38:22
We met on Tinder and it just worked out different times.
38:25
And I also wasn't saying that I was kinky.
38:28
You just sort of figured it out on the first date or second date
38:30
when we talk to each other. That's true.
38:32
You always have to sort of break the news to them that you know
38:34
there's more than three ways to have sex.
38:36
And I know about some of them. Do you get asked for advice a
38:38
lot because of the type of content you make?
38:40
And obviously you're viewed as quite knowledgeable because you
38:43
are. Do you get a lot of people
38:44
reaching out and asking like, hey, how do I meet Someone Like
38:47
You? Yes, definitely.
38:48
I get asked for advice, for information.
38:51
I'm happy to give up resources, but my focus is not to be an
38:54
educator. And I don't want to include any
38:56
of that in my page because I don't want people to think that
38:58
the rest of it is educational content because it's not.
39:00
It's for fun. It's to be exciting and
39:02
pleasurable, but it's not for education.
39:04
And there are a ton of great kink educators out there, so I'm
39:07
always happy to point people in their direction.
39:08
But if I don't have a relationship with somebody, I'm
39:10
not willing to really give them information, right?
39:12
Because I don't know what they're going to do with that
39:14
information and it could be harmful to them, even though it
39:16
doesn't seem like it to me. So true.
39:18
That's a learning curve I had to go through.
39:20
I started Instagram and TikTok for my business and then I
39:24
started to realize, wait, I'm viewed as an educator.
39:25
And then I stepped into that role more and I started making
39:28
content more as an educator because it's sort of like you
39:30
decided to be the entertainment side.
39:32
And I'm like, well, no, if I'm introducing people to kink, I
39:34
need to step into the education side of it.
39:36
I love that you just know your brand, You know who you are and
39:39
you know what purpose you're serving when you're putting
39:42
content out. I think that's really important.
39:44
It's almost like a stay in your lane in the most respectful,
39:46
noble way. Yeah, I think it's really
39:48
important that I stay in my lane because the two lanes have
39:50
nothing to do with each other. Education and entertainment.
39:53
Yes, OK. And on that note, I think that
39:56
is a wonderful like final note, you can find Beau de La Croix on
40:00
Instagram at BEAU under score DELACROIX and only fans at the
40:07
same name, Beau de La Croix with an under score between the two.
40:10
Beau, thank you so much for coming on today.
40:12
I really appreciate your time. We really went overtime.
40:15
So thank you for hanging out with me.
40:18
Thanks, it was great talking to you.
40:19
I haven't done one of these in a long time.
40:20
Well, I'm so glad you came on the King Consultant Podcast.
40:25
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
40:27
a review, and share it with anyone who might find it
40:30
interesting. And if you have any questions or
40:32
topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
40:34
reach out. e-mail info@thekingconsultant.com.
40:39
Until next time, keep on kinking on.