Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Wicker Man vs The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Transcript

The Wicker Man vs The Sorcerer's Apprentice · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

• 0:00
  Oh, God. Oh, my God.
• 0:13
  Oh, man, you don't like have cool, like
• 0:16
  scoping out a butt and being like, OK, that butt's like a love seat.
• 0:20
  But I'm going to I'm going to sell them on the best love seat.
• 0:25
  No, no, there's not a whole lot of like
• 0:27
  there's not a whole lot of but looking. It's more or less.
• 0:31
  I'm going to show you the most expensive shit.
• 0:32
  I'm going to talk about getting you on a mattress
• 0:35
  because that's where I make my real money.
• 0:37
  OK, that's where I make my tracks with construction.
• 0:40
  Like I'll I'll talk about getting people on a mattress.
• 0:43
  I like that idea, though.
• 0:44
  He's like, sir, with a dump truck like that,
• 0:46
  the only recliner for you is this barca right here.
• 0:51
  Yeah. Look, brother, I see you swing a big dick.
• 0:54
  You're going to need like extra like lumbar support
• 0:58
  because I can tell that it's hell on your back every day.
• 1:01
  So OK, you guys, if I remember right,
• 1:06
  we're excited because you were hoping to talk about snake eyes,
• 1:08
  which unfortunately is not happening.
• 1:09
  Correct. Yeah. So we we are in and around the Atlantic City area,
• 1:16
  like both born and raised, all three of us are born and raised.
• 1:19
  Oh, that is perfect.
• 1:21
  Our first episode we ever did was snake eyes.
• 1:25
  We had to. Yes.
• 1:26
  Yeah, that leads into everything I want to talk about today,
• 1:30
  because I really just I've always been curious about Atlantic City
• 1:34
  as somebody who's been to Vegas plenty of times.
• 1:36
  It's not the same. No, it's not.
• 1:38
  And it's not even close.
• 1:40
  You did describe yourself as AC curious earlier today.
• 1:43
  So I'm a C curious.
• 1:44
  I just got to know more about this city.
• 1:46
  Like is it is it dirty?
• 1:48
  You've got a boardwalk, right?
• 1:50
  Yeah, yeah, it's not as dirty as it was like five years ago.
• 1:56
  It's still pretty dirty, dude.
• 1:57
  It's still grimy.
• 1:59
  Like there's there's nice sections and then there's section.
• 2:02
  Like it's not as bad as people say like
• 2:06
  whenever I was like, oh, no, you'll get stabbed.
• 2:08
  I'm like, no, you'll get robbed.
• 2:09
  You won't get stabbed.
• 2:11
  And very rarely do they spend the effort to do the actual stabbing.
• 2:14
  They will take.
• 2:17
  Listen, we know what we're good at.
• 2:18
  It's slinging crack and taking your money at Blackjack tables.
• 2:23
  I have a very important question.
• 2:26
  What's the buffets itch and how does the how is the shrimp presented?
• 2:29
  Oh, good question.
• 2:30
  This is relevant for me.
• 2:33
  Yeah, I worked briefly as security in a casino in Atlantic City
• 2:39
  when I was in college and I was told under no uncertain terms to avoid
• 2:44
  buffet and I have always followed that.
• 2:46
  So I don't have any practical experience with it.
• 2:48
  So I have a lot of practical experience because
• 2:52
  in my college years and even up to today in my college, I was much heavier.
• 2:58
  Not like fatter like I played a lot of poker.
• 3:01
  Oh, that kind of heavy.
• 3:03
  And that's and that's how I paid for my last two years of college
• 3:07
  was through playing poker.
• 3:09
  Dude, sick.
• 3:10
  So I I know a lot of buffets.
• 3:14
  The showboat, which is not a casino anymore, had a really good one.
• 3:18
  The shrimp was not presented in any special way.
• 3:20
  The Borgata, the brunch one, the Borgata is like the high end casino there.
• 3:26
  We'll put their shrimp already peeled around a martini.
• 3:29
  Oh, that was OK.
• 3:31
  That was my question.
• 3:31
  Like, yeah, that's pretty perfect.
• 3:33
  Peter and I have.
• 3:35
  A problem.
• 3:37
  I have a shrimp problem.
• 3:37
  But like the first time first time we were in Vegas together
• 3:40
  and we were at a brunch buffet,
• 3:42
  we were like, let's get weird of some shrimp and it was all peel and eat.
• 3:45
  And we fucking bullshit.
• 3:47
  That's too much work.
• 3:48
  And then we were just there a month ago
• 3:51
  and went to the wind buffet and we got shrimpy.
• 3:54
  We're in in in Vegas.
• 3:56
  In Vegas.
• 3:57
  You see, I've been to Vegas in about two years now at this point.
• 4:01
  And when I went, the only buffet that was open was the MGM grant.
• 4:05
  Oh, yeah.
• 4:06
  Was great because I stayed there for three days.
• 4:08
  So I just fucked up the buffet.
• 4:10
  That's where we went the first time.
• 4:11
  Yeah, they're peeling it.
• 4:12
  Peeling each shrimp. Fuck that shit.
• 4:14
  That's too much work.
• 4:15
  Like seven shrimp out of the time, like laid on a bed of ice.
• 4:18
  They saw us coming so fast and they were like, these motherfuckers.
• 4:21
  Put out the slow shrimp.
• 4:25
  Slow shrimp for these low boys.
• 4:28
  But Peter, how many shrimp did you eat in a I did eat
• 4:30
  40 shrimp the last time, which was a gross amount of that's too many shrimp.
• 4:34
  No, no, no, that's that's respectable.
• 4:36
  You ever get the frozen wheel from the grocery store?
• 4:39
  Fuck yeah.
• 4:40
  I have nobody stopping you from just buying you.
• 4:42
  You don't have to be having a party or anything.
• 4:44
  You could just buy like 60 cocktail shrimps in a wheel.
• 4:47
  The hardest part is just waiting for them to defrost.
• 4:50
  That's true. Yeah.
• 4:51
  And I don't have that patience.
• 4:52
  I'm just going to chow down.
• 4:53
  Now you got a safe way right before closing.
• 4:55
  They're defrosted.
• 4:56
  Yeah. My girlfriend's allergic to shrimp.
• 4:58
  And I would go to Safeway and get the like five dollar like mini shrimp cocktail
• 5:04
  and just car snack it and make her drive me around.
• 5:08
  She's a lovely woman, but.
• 5:12
  Her mom's there. I love it.
• 5:13
  But shrimp is a old car snack, man.
• 5:17
  Yeah. And she had to open the doors and stuff because she didn't want me touching
• 5:20
  things with my shrimp fingers afterwards.
• 5:23
  And. Oh, Peter, at my company lunch yesterday,
• 5:29
  one of the orders was bacon wrapped shrimp.
• 5:31
  How many did you eat?
• 5:33
  They wouldn't give me the tray.
• 5:35
  Were they shrimp?
• 5:35
  They're prawns. Cowards.
• 5:37
  They were shrimping, which are they were a big shrimp like the shrimp we had in.
• 5:40
  I guess you working for a company that has lunch in.
• 5:46
  Latida. Yeah.
• 5:47
  Now they I asked if they'd give me the tray and they said no.
• 5:50
  No, fuckers. Yeah.
• 5:52
  That's a horseshit.
• 5:53
  Oh, have you seen this whole
• 5:56
  Panera charged lemonade bullshit?
• 6:00
  Yeah, I just heard about this on.
• 6:02
  Yeah. Wait, I'm out of the loop on this.
• 6:04
  Is this like a Panera for Loco?
• 6:06
  Well, there's no alcohol, but a large.
• 6:08
  So worse. OK.
• 6:10
  Yeah. I charged like a large charged lemonade has like 400 milligrams of caffeine in it.
• 6:16
  People on Reddit were going on about it the other day.
• 6:19
  Oh, there's a lawsuit about it.
• 6:20
  Oh, there's a lawsuit.
• 6:21
  You people have died.
• 6:23
  Cowards.
• 6:24
  I go to the gym with somebody who uses his free workout.
• 6:30
  Like it just rung.
• 6:31
  It just like rung in my brain.
• 6:32
  I'm like, wait a minute.
• 6:33
  I do know what you're talking about because somebody that I lift with literally
• 6:38
  uses it as fucking pre-workout, which is insanity.
• 6:41
  I am kind of intrigued to like get some and dump
• 6:45
  like grain alcohol in it and just sort of relive the four local days.
• 6:49
  The four local days.
• 6:51
  It's just a combination of it was incredible caffeine and too much alcohol.
• 6:56
  Miss those days a little bit.
• 6:58
  It would probably kill me.
• 6:59
  That's just riot punch.
• 7:02
  Oh, God, what was it? A friend, some friends of mine
• 7:05
  and I went revenge of the Sith came out.
• 7:08
  We decided to stay up all night, get drunk and then go watch it.
• 7:11
  But he was exhausted by the time we finally got there at like 10 in the morning.
• 7:15
  So he bought two, four locos and just down them both in the theater
• 7:19
  within the first like 10 minutes of the movie and then passed the fuck out.
• 7:22
  Yeah.
• 7:23
  Woke up screaming.
• 7:27
  As one does, we're drinking two, four locos, at least back in the good days.
• 7:31
  The classic days. Yeah.
• 7:33
  Oh, that was that was that was the beginning.
• 7:34
  That was that was middle of the end of his drink.
• 7:38
  Yeah, that'll put anybody off of it.
• 7:39
  Slamming two, four locos back to back.
• 7:42
  You wake up screaming. Absolutely.
• 7:45
  While watching episode one.
• 7:47
  Oh, it was revenge of the Sith.
• 7:48
  The only one worth watching.
• 7:49
  Yeah, all right. Prequels.
• 7:51
  The bar that I worked at when four local got discontinued.
• 7:56
  Our liquor rep came by and he was like, hey, I got these four locos
• 8:00
  and I can't do anything with them.
• 8:02
  Do you guys want them?
• 8:04
  Like, and I was like, yeah, the kitchen staff will take all of your four locos.
• 8:08
  So he just gives us like multiple flats of four locos out of his van.
• 8:12
  And so we throw a party that night just a straight up four locos party.
• 8:16
  And it's just like going off in the backyard and like the kitchen manager
• 8:21
  does a trust fall off of his own roof.
• 8:24
  There's just like people shoving each other.
• 8:26
  It's getting loud and too many locos. Yeah. How many?
• 8:31
  How many cans are in a flat?
• 8:33
  Twenty four. Someone do some math for me.
• 8:35
  How many flats were there?
• 8:37
  Three, I think.
• 8:39
  Seventy two. Seventy two. Yeah.
• 8:42
  That's seventy two locos.
• 8:44
  That's too many locos.
• 8:45
  Wait, no, no, more.
• 8:47
  Yeah, I work at college.
• 8:49
  I'm not doing more math.
• 8:50
  Someone do math for me.
• 8:50
  And then we need an Arif magician around here.
• 8:53
  It's not not going to be any of us.
• 8:55
  No, sorry, I went for political science, so it's even more useful
• 8:57
  sort of math fucking degree.
• 8:59
  I have a degree in.
• 9:00
  Wait, you're not applying that when selling large,
• 9:03
  derriered people like Barca loungers.
• 9:06
  I mean, only if they want to hear the words of the great Karl Marx.
• 9:09
  But I mean, that's really it.
• 9:11
  Have you tried?
• 9:12
  It might be a new thing.
• 9:14
  First, check out their ass and then tell them about.
• 9:17
  Tell them about surplus value.
• 9:20
  You got to evaluate their ass using like the framing thing.
• 9:23
  So if you get through that party with nobody getting charged with a felony,
• 9:28
  nobody was arrested at this one.
• 9:31
  That's a lame party.
• 9:32
  I don't think it even got busted.
• 9:35
  So I think the only God, the only party that I remember ever getting busted
• 9:41
  was at my buddy Joey's house, and he used to like drive around
• 9:44
  and like just roll up to the campus like smoke shacks and be like,
• 9:49
  having a party.
• 9:50
  Anybody want to come over to my house and just like invite strangers?
• 9:54
  Like, usually it'd be like a bunch of freshmen and stuff would be like,
• 9:57
  yeah, I need a place to drink, but the cops bust this party
• 10:01
  and I'm outside smoking a cigarette and this kid's like, oh, man, I got to.
• 10:05
  I got to get out of here.
• 10:06
  I can't like be holding this weed and I'm too young to be drinking.
• 10:09
  And I'm like, well, toss that bag in the barbecue there.
• 10:13
  And that'll be fine.
• 10:14
  I'll never look in the barbecue.
• 10:16
  Then hop the fence and book it.
• 10:18
  And so he does and then I just take his weed and I never saw this kid again anyway.
• 10:24
  So like, it's like, oh, yeah, it's played worked out great.
• 10:29
  One of the kids that jumped over like landed in the neighbor's
• 10:33
  Koi pond and like actually landed on some very expensive fish.
• 10:41
  I mean, I got a free 40s out of it.
• 10:43
  So I was pretty.
• 10:44
  I didn't care. It wasn't my house or anything.
• 10:46
  I just partied on the roof all the time.
• 10:49
  Poor fish.
• 10:51
  And with that, because there is no good segue tonight.
• 10:55
  Welcome back to Cage Matt's colon around about wave media, Nicholas Cage.
• 10:59
  I'm your host, Sean, here with my cohost Nick.
• 11:02
  I'm Nick and our producer Peter.
• 11:04
  Hello. And from Nick Cage fight.
• 11:06
  We have some special guests.
• 11:07
  Why don't you guys introduce yourselves?
• 11:09
  I'm Josh and here with my usual cohost.
• 11:14
  Hi, I'm Rich.
• 11:15
  I am the one who is talking now.
• 11:18
  Well done. You guys are fucking consummate professionals.
• 11:21
  Well, yeah, yeah, you have to know the voices.
• 11:23
  I mean, this is a when you take us off our intro script.
• 11:27
  We scramble, dude.
• 11:29
  Yeah, I was just like, wait, Josh is talking.
• 11:31
  What do I do?
• 11:34
  Because it's always Josh is talking.
• 11:36
  Ryan answers I answer.
• 11:39
  Thanks, Ryan, for fucking it up.
• 11:41
  We can just cut some audio of Ryan from your podcast and we'll just put him in.
• 11:46
  We got to put a bye bye in is what we'll do.
• 11:48
  Does he have a good bye bye?
• 11:49
  He he ends every episode with a different bye bye.
• 11:53
  Oh, OK.
• 11:55
  I would say you want to hear some good shit.
• 11:56
  Just go to like part two of every single one of our episodes
• 12:01
  as we have two episodes a week.
• 12:03
  If you want to hear something good, skip half of our content.
• 12:07
  Not even I'm missing for 3% of the content.
• 12:12
  Perfect. That's all you need.
• 12:13
  Listen to one ad read and then just the end.
• 12:17
  Yeah, listen, we need that money.
• 12:19
  Yeah. So do you guys want to describe kind of what you do for your show?
• 12:23
  Obviously, you go deeper than we do because you're doing two episodes
• 12:27
  for one movie and we do one episode for two movies because we're lazy.
• 12:32
  Or stupid, I don't know.
• 12:34
  A little column a little column.
• 12:36
  Yeah, no, we do like we do synopsis and
• 12:41
  like our opinions, breakdowns, tidbits, trivia,
• 12:45
  try and figure out what went wrong in a lot of these movies.
• 12:48
  So like we always start great.
• 12:51
  Like we always start with, you know, directors, writers,
• 12:55
  some of the notable cast and then basically the plot beats of the film
• 13:00
  and then commentary on them.
• 13:02
  It does take two episodes for everyone of these movies
• 13:05
  because we're a little pedantic about the details.
• 13:09
  Seeing as we never do this in any proper order in this podcast,
• 13:12
  we take two Nicholas Cage films and put them against each other
• 13:15
  till one day we decide what the cages film is.
• 13:18
  Yeah, we're into our 32 round of 32.
• 13:21
  Round of 32.
• 13:23
  And this is wacky.
• 13:25
  Yeah, this is the wacky episode.
• 13:27
  Sorcerer's Apprentice and Wicker Man.
• 13:29
  And do you guys have any sort of strong feelings one way or the other
• 13:32
  as to which one you would want to talk about?
• 13:34
  My whole thoughts on this was like, so the answer is Wicker Man.
• 13:37
  And we can just talk about anything else, right?
• 13:41
  Because as far as I know, Sorcerer's Apprentice
• 13:44
  does not have Nick Cage dressed in a bear costume punching women.
• 13:48
  All right, we're getting right to it.
• 13:50
  So Wicker Man, we go.
• 13:53
  Re-watching this film.
• 13:54
  Well, hang on.
• 13:55
  I have a quick question because we're in the wacky category
• 13:58
  and I did not see between worlds anywhere on your list.
• 14:01
  It's in there.
• 14:02
  I was chatting to a person on a dating app recently
• 14:04
  and I put my Nick Cage podcast on there
• 14:08
  because I have so much going on in my life.
• 14:11
  And their first question to me was, did you see the movie
• 14:13
  where he's a trucker and fucks the ghost of his dead wife
• 14:18
  through a teenager?
• 14:19
  I'm like, between worlds.
• 14:20
  Yes, I know.
• 14:21
  Intimately.
• 14:22
  Yeah, that's a deep cut from somebody.
• 14:26
  You know, I love when he reads that Nick Cage poetry.
• 14:29
  It's so.
• 14:30
  My.
• 14:30
  Hi.
• 14:31
  I want to be like a full book and I want to buy it.
• 14:37
  Oh my God, I just want to get it tattooed on my back, full back tattoo.
• 14:41
  Of that.
• 14:42
  So this this podcast has introduced us to at least two of my
• 14:47
  favorite movies of all time that I would have never seen, one of which
• 14:50
  being between worlds and the other one.
• 14:51
  Josh already knows where I'm going fucking kill chain.
• 14:54
  You did love kill chain.
• 14:56
  It was so good.
• 14:58
  Yeah, that's it.
• 14:58
  It didn't make a cut for us.
• 15:00
  Just just watch it.
• 15:01
  Just OK.
• 15:02
  Just watch it.
• 15:04
  I mean, for me, like for me, the movie that I think I never would
• 15:07
  have watched or heard about without this podcast, but I absolutely love
• 15:09
  is Red Rock West.
• 15:10
  Absolutely.
• 15:11
  We just watch that.
• 15:12
  It's very good.
• 15:14
  It's so good.
• 15:15
  That movie fucking slaps.
• 15:16
  I love it.
• 15:16
  I had a guy unsolicited ask me if we watched that.
• 15:20
  And I was like, fuck yeah.
• 15:21
  And he's like, I love that movie.
• 15:22
  So good.
• 15:23
  I'm so excited to go back to that.
• 15:24
  That's going to be sooner than later.
• 15:25
  Is it in the next round?
• 15:26
  To the next episode.
• 15:29
  There you go.
• 15:29
  Nice.
• 15:29
  Oh, my God.
• 15:30
  Everyone get out.
• 15:31
  I'm going to watch this movie right now.
• 15:32
  Yes.
• 15:32
  See you guys.
• 15:33
  Good episode.
• 15:34
  Thanks.
• 15:34
  Going back to Wicker Man and the punching of women.
• 15:39
  On our first go around with this movie, we decided the appropriate
• 15:44
  rules for when you can punch a woman, which is when they're trying to
• 15:46
  burn you in a giant human effigy.
• 15:49
  You get one free punch rewatching this film with Peter.
• 15:52
  We realized.
• 15:53
  The one like the one punch he does do sister beaches.
• 16:00
  An asshole.
• 16:01
  She's an asshole.
• 16:02
  And he is in no danger at this point.
• 16:04
  No, he definitely.
• 16:05
  Yeah, it breaks our rule.
• 16:06
  He broke.
• 16:07
  He broke the one rule.
• 16:09
  And then he roundhouse kicks Lili Sobieski immediately.
• 16:13
  She did jump on his back.
• 16:14
  She did attack him.
• 16:15
  That's true.
• 16:15
  That was self-defense.
• 16:17
  Sister Beach didn't do jack shit.
• 16:19
  She was just an asshole.
• 16:20
  I mean, I'm sorry.
• 16:23
  Wicker Man was such a fever dream that it's entertaining every time I watch it.
• 16:29
  Was watching a podcast or I'm just throwing it on.
• 16:32
  I'm just like, this is bonkers.
• 16:34
  Whereas Sorcerer's Apprentice is fine as like a like a kids movie,
• 16:39
  pretty formulaic, but every time I see it, which I watched it again today
• 16:43
  in preparation for this, I was like, this is the longest music video
• 16:47
  for the song, Secrets by one Republic.
• 16:49
  Oh, my God, first scene.
• 16:53
  When he does the light show is that's that's like the jumping the shark moment.
• 17:00
  At least for me.
• 17:01
  Or was was that before or after Nick Cage is just housing sandwiches?
• 17:07
  Because that's one of the best parts.
• 17:09
  It's right after it.
• 17:10
  It's right at the pickle waggling scene, which is one of my favorite ones from that.
• 17:15
  So I will say because we haven't watched these movies in over a year now.
• 17:22
  Right. I absolutely loved going back to the Wicker Man because it's so dumb
• 17:28
  and it's so bad.
• 17:30
  It is bad and dumb and like so much.
• 17:33
  Monkey and the writing is terrible.
• 17:37
  It was so much more fun to watch this one with someone like watching this
• 17:39
  with Peter because the dream within the dream sequence.
• 17:43
  Oh, yeah.
• 17:46
  Which I still maintain should have ended with a third dream
• 17:49
  where he just gets hit by a semi-trial.
• 17:51
  He wakes up.
• 17:52
  A third time.
• 17:54
  You know that got kicked around the writers room.
• 17:56
  You know, absolutely.
• 17:58
  In fact, that they were like, is that too much?
• 18:00
  Yeah, it's probably too much.
• 18:02
  Too many dreams inside of dreams.
• 18:03
  This is pre-inception.
• 18:05
  So, you know, fucking Nolan being this great director
• 18:08
  and he just stole the train, the train thing.
• 18:10
  Yeah. This movie.
• 18:12
  Come at us, Christopher Nolan.
• 18:14
  Don't do it.
• 18:15
  I cannot afford that lawsuit.
• 18:17
  Same. We love your movies.
• 18:20
  Allegedly.
• 18:22
  What was in that bag?
• 18:23
  I just want to know the shark bag.
• 18:25
  What was in the bag?
• 18:26
  Is that a shark?
• 18:27
  It's a.
• 18:28
  I just I do appreciate that this movie does go so far out of its way
• 18:33
  to like justify everything dumb about it to like explain it away
• 18:37
  within the scope of the film because he's a terrible detective.
• 18:40
  So they make sure to like make a joke about him.
• 18:43
  Like, what are you going to go for detective?
• 18:45
  He has no reasoning skills.
• 18:47
  He is just so bad.
• 18:50
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 18:53
  I struggle with this movie.
• 18:54
  I enjoy it and I enjoy just like watching it being dumb.
• 18:59
  But at the same time, I just I find it so hard to like anything about it.
• 19:06
  Like, I'm going to house this mead.
• 19:09
  And now I'm going to start slamming my badge around and just threatening people.
• 19:15
  Why? Yeah. Why?
• 19:18
  Did you guys end up watching the original Wicker Man?
• 19:21
  I had seen the original years ago.
• 19:23
  I haven't rewatched it since we watched it for recording our episode of it.
• 19:30
  But it was more tightly done.
• 19:34
  It wasn't as absurd and over the top.
• 19:37
  And I like I wasn't sure what they were going for with the Nick Cage version
• 19:40
  because Cage does play it sort of straight, but a little wild
• 19:45
  and then completely loses his mind at the end of the film.
• 19:49
  He does go full cage.
• 19:51
  It's fair to think that you had hit a breaking point at some moment during all of this.
• 19:57
  I did say one of my favorite favorite parts of the film, like if you can just
• 20:01
  pluck it out of context, because I thought it was the most sincere bit of acting
• 20:05
  in the whole thing is when he finally gets a cell like cell signal
• 20:09
  like right at the very end and is like, buddy calls him.
• 20:12
  That is exactly the phone call you would get from me if I found myself in that situation.
• 20:17
  Like, please, please help.
• 20:19
  Are you there?
• 20:20
  Help me.
• 20:22
  It's just pure panic.
• 20:26
  I'm in a bare suit.
• 20:27
  I don't know.
• 20:29
  I don't know how I got here.
• 20:30
  I just all the shit they put him through for this like noble night.
• 20:35
  Yeah, the noble night thing coming of his own accord.
• 20:39
  I mean, all that was true before the everything else him just showing up like.
• 20:44
  So this was just them fucking with them.
• 20:46
  Yeah, they could have just snatched him and burned them, I'm guessing.
• 20:49
  But like, according to the rules of whatever fertility spell, I guess they're
• 20:54
  casting and then instead they're like, nah, you know, we only do this every couple
• 20:57
  of years.
• 20:58
  Let's have a little fun with it.
• 21:00
  You know what I mean?
• 21:01
  Yeah, roll out.
• 21:02
  Beasting man, let him let him see that guy.
• 21:07
  Or the woman covered in bees.
• 21:12
  Do you think those two are connected?
• 21:14
  Beasting man and he was in recovery.
• 21:21
  If I was in this situation and I showed up on this island, if they were like, oh,
• 21:26
  yeah, this is your child, I'd be like, well, great, I'm a terrible swimmer, but
• 21:31
  peace.
• 21:32
  I'm fucking just swimming out.
• 21:34
  I never would have gotten into this problem.
• 21:36
  Yes.
• 21:37
  Well, they only they said it was only a couple of miles.
• 21:38
  I could it be slow, but I could do it.
• 21:40
  I would drown and that'd be fine, too.
• 21:43
  Better than what?
• 21:44
  Better than child support or burning to death after being hobbled.
• 21:48
  Yeah, going with drowning over burning to death.
• 21:51
  You do a real complete opposites there.
• 21:53
  What work? So it's only on the rewatch that I noticed that like they completely
• 21:58
  this is supposed to be for their harvest to like make sure that the honey is
• 22:03
  sweeter or whatever.
• 22:05
  But what do we want from honey?
• 22:07
  I don't even know.
• 22:08
  They completely fuck up the rest of their like islands, little economy or because
• 22:14
  the guy who brings them all their stuff that isn't honey, they kill for this.
• 22:18
  What they do to his face.
• 22:20
  Like it looked like he had weird, like, I don't know, wicker threads, like sewing
• 22:26
  his mouth shut.
• 22:27
  Weird wicker hands.
• 22:28
  Yeah, like cut us hands off and give him little like spiky things.
• 22:31
  But like that's fucking weird.
• 22:33
  Yes.
• 22:34
  That's the guy who brings up all their supplies and like.
• 22:36
  Yeah, they kind of fuck themselves over on that one.
• 22:38
  Well, the whole thing like the whole big reveal of the wicker man at the end is
• 22:41
  they only mention the wicker man like once in the movie before that.
• 22:44
  So there's no real big good thing about that.
• 22:46
  The wicker man like once in the movie before that, so there's no real big
• 22:50
  reveal. It just is there.
• 22:52
  It's occurring to me for the first time.
• 22:55
  How did you not catch a glimpse of that fucker at some point while you're
• 22:58
  running around the island?
• 23:00
  He's all over the place in that fucking island.
• 23:02
  They put a blue tarp over it.
• 23:04
  It's just 60 foot tall blue tarped.
• 23:08
  Yeah.
• 23:09
  They just put some bee wings on it and Nick Cage like instinctively won't look
• 23:13
  at it.
• 23:14
  He's like, oh, fuck no, the bees.
• 23:15
  I don't know.
• 23:16
  It's also one of those movies where I'm just like, how good can it be that
• 23:20
  its most memorable scene was deleted?
• 23:22
  Well, it's from the extended cut, right?
• 23:25
  Yeah, the not the bees.
• 23:27
  They're in my eyes.
• 23:28
  Not the bees.
• 23:29
  Yeah, I think we watched the scene.
• 23:31
  We did watch it together, but it doesn't add anything except for him just
• 23:35
  being absolutely fucking bonkers.
• 23:37
  Yeah.
• 23:38
  Yeah.
• 23:39
  Well, the audio was already included.
• 23:41
  Now you just see it instead of it being a black screen.
• 23:44
  It's like, well, he never says the bees thing.
• 23:46
  It's the hobbling that they did the black screen.
• 23:49
  Yeah, which I think there's no footage of him being hobbled that we know of.
• 23:54
  Just him being pulled up by his ankles after the hobbling just his insult
• 23:58
  to injury at that point.
• 23:59
  I mean, I think it's injury to injury at that point.
• 24:02
  Well, they don't care at that point.
• 24:06
  He's going to die anyway in six minutes.
• 24:09
  Just hot meat.
• 24:10
  Yeah.
• 24:11
  Burn to death by his own daughter.
• 24:14
  I still like the thing.
• 24:15
  We said this in our first episode, our first go around of this.
• 24:17
  And I just like, he's like, no, honey, don't burn daddy.
• 24:20
  And it's like, don't daddy.
• 24:22
  Obviously she doesn't give a shit about you dude.
• 24:25
  Was that a don't wake daddy.
• 24:27
  The board game reference.
• 24:29
  Okay.
• 24:30
  Yeah, I was going to move past it personally, but here we are.
• 24:34
  No, it's my one joke.
• 24:37
  It is he uses it all the time.
• 24:39
  It's just don't burn daddy.
• 24:41
  I will say both of these movies include one of my favorite niche types of
• 24:47
  scenes, which is an adult character saying an insane thing to a child.
• 24:51
  So you have don't burn daddy and you have a Molina going, you are wasting
• 24:57
  my time to attend your old Dave.
• 25:00
  He gets broken out of the prison.
• 25:04
  When, when Molina, I'm just going to throw this in here now.
• 25:08
  Critics the Napoleon.
• 25:11
  Also, why was that kid, he's like 10, that's fourth grade.
• 25:16
  Why is he writing reports on Napoleon?
• 25:18
  I agree with that 100%.
• 25:20
  But I did love the scene where he's roasting that he's like, your
• 25:23
  brother was weak.
• 25:24
  He's like, what's a fucking child?
• 25:26
  He's like, no, that was probably the best interaction there.
• 25:32
  Did you guys find anything new with wicker man watching it recently?
• 25:36
  I forgot that James Franco was in it.
• 25:39
  And John Ritter, Jason Ritter.
• 25:42
  Peter, you'd mentioned like, oh, here's that weird, like take me with
• 25:45
  you scene that never goes anywhere.
• 25:47
  And oh, yeah, no, she says it at the end.
• 25:49
  Right.
• 25:50
  She's practicing for when she like is going to, you know, seduce Franco.
• 25:54
  She's a little old for boys.
• 25:56
  Allegedly.
• 25:57
  Is it, is it allegedly at this point?
• 26:01
  Come at me, James Franco.
• 26:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 26:05
  I have every time I rewatch it, one of the weirdest things that I
• 26:09
  like that just bothers me because I don't know what they were going
• 26:13
  for was the teacher also playing like a farmer who's like, I have
• 26:18
  no idea who the fuck you are.
• 26:20
  Yeah, the two.
• 26:21
  The twin thing.
• 26:22
  Sister Rose and sister Thorn.
• 26:24
  The twin thing just in general kind of grinds my gears because
• 26:28
  twins are so gross.
• 26:30
  And they've also got those like shitty old ladies, like,
• 26:34
  and they're not and the wicker man.
• 26:37
  No, I would have asked for the day off if I was on set and they
• 26:41
  were filming that.
• 26:42
  I'd be like, gross.
• 26:43
  No, there's, yeah.
• 26:44
  Well, there's a bunch of like the worst little kid twins commercial
• 26:47
  ever.
• 26:48
  But no, like, is that what they were going for?
• 26:52
  Is it were they going for her being like the next set of twins
• 26:56
  because this place is all cyclical or was it just the teacher fucking
• 26:59
  with them?
• 27:00
  Because that's what I read it as. It was just like, now you're
• 27:04
  just being really blatant with this guy.
• 27:06
  I think he's starting to get suspicious.
• 27:08
  A lot of twin children, like a lot of the girls were twins in the
• 27:11
  school and outside of it.
• 27:13
  Also, when he goes to like, when he just starts kicking indoors
• 27:16
  and asking to see kids.
• 27:18
  Oh, yeah.
• 27:19
  And there's the like, there's the one child who's like pre hiding
• 27:22
  in a closet to like scare him.
• 27:24
  Oh yeah, pretending to be dead.
• 27:25
  It's like, why were you in that closet?
• 27:27
  This is our fun harvest game.
• 27:30
  They don't show you the five other houses with like kids like
• 27:33
  waiting in the closet and they get no pay off.
• 27:35
  Like maybe next time, kiddo, you know, I guess they alluded to
• 27:39
  that with the crow in the desk early on.
• 27:42
  Like we put it in there to see how long it could take it.
• 27:45
  And then just do that to kids.
• 27:47
  When I was a kid, like in preschool, the other kids put me in a
• 27:50
  closet and just locked me in the closet.
• 27:53
  This is a metaphor. No, no, that's my life.
• 27:58
  You were a nerd.
• 28:00
  Yeah.
• 28:01
  Well, jokes on them.
• 28:02
  I threw blocks at all their heads.
• 28:04
  Jokes.
• 28:05
  I have a Nick Cage podcast now.
• 28:07
  Yeah.
• 28:08
  Come at me.
• 28:09
  Other kids.
• 28:10
  Fucking kids.
• 28:11
  They suck.
• 28:12
  So if, uh, if you punch one person on the island, do you all
• 28:16
  know what you're doing?
• 28:17
  I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
• 28:20
  do you have the girl on the Osman.
• 28:23
  I don't know about it.
• 28:32
  Did he ever say it when I just got here?
• 28:35
  How was this kid'sthen?
• 28:37
  When you have your build in that you have more stuff in there?
• 28:39
  Yeah.
• 28:40
  If you punch one person on the island, do you also get to punch
• 28:43
  their twin?
• 28:44
  Or.
• 28:45
  Okay.
• 28:46
  Does their twin feel it?
• 28:47
  the like fucking MMA chops to just lay waste to this island of women with
• 28:52
  because they don't give you any of that in the setup.
• 28:55
  You just sort of get blown up as far as like MMA credentials in quality
• 29:01
  of beating up women. That's a poorly, poorly structured sentence.
• 29:06
  His ability to beat up women being unparalleled on the island is.
• 29:13
  What?
• 29:14
  Oh, please continue.
• 29:16
  Can't wait to get canceled over this.
• 29:19
  We haven't been.
• 29:20
  If we have it's amazing that we haven't said something that's because.
• 29:23
  Well, the trick is you just don't have a feminine audience.
• 29:26
  And these are never going to be problems.
• 29:28
  That's true. Yeah.
• 29:30
  Yeah. If you just start a Nick Cage podcast, you'd know women aren't going to listen.
• 29:34
  Yeah. This is a real dudes rock podcast.
• 29:37
  It's all fucking chess hair and come gutters. Come on.
• 29:40
  So you're saying.
• 29:43
  He beats up women real good.
• 29:45
  I don't know where I was going with it, but I like it.
• 29:48
  They're obviously doing something right down in California.
• 29:52
  Now, but I do like this like with a lot of some of the cage movies that we've seen
• 29:58
  where it's like they threw in they clearly threw in shit just because it was cool.
• 30:03
  Not because it made narrative sense.
• 30:04
  Like he disguises himself as a bear.
• 30:07
  And as soon as he gets to where people are, he removes.
• 30:11
  He's like, it's me. I'm the bear.
• 30:12
  And it's just like why I even do it then.
• 30:16
  Dude, it's nothing gained from it.
• 30:20
  I just remembered one of my favorite things that's when he's at
• 30:24
  Sister's Summer's Isles place and she's telling it like he's leaving and she
• 30:30
  opens the door and she's like, oh, your transport is here.
• 30:33
  The like Butler hands him his bicycle.
• 30:36
  Like your transport has arrived and he fucking all the time he spends just
• 30:40
  pushing that bike around, not actually riding it.
• 30:44
  I imagine it was like hell on his butthole because there were like no paved roads.
• 30:50
  So just rough dirt roads just pounded away.
• 30:54
  I forgot about that awkward scene.
• 30:58
  Whether the one where he gets his butthole pounded by a bicycle.
• 31:02
  That's in the extended cut.
• 31:03
  Yes. Yes.
• 31:05
  Also, do you think do you think cage
• 31:07
  because specifically because what you were saying, you're like that had to be
• 31:10
  uncomfortable, do you think he got to a point?
• 31:11
  He's like, nope, find a reason for me to be pushing the bike in this scene.
• 31:14
  I'm not riding it anymore.
• 31:17
  I won't do it.
• 31:18
  Call my agent.
• 31:21
  I don't know that Nick Cage has ever said no to anything.
• 31:23
  He's a method actor.
• 31:24
  He got into it.
• 31:25
  He rode that bike to the set.
• 31:27
  There you go.
• 31:29
  Any final thoughts on this film?
• 31:31
  Anyone?
• 31:33
  Entertaining, man.
• 31:34
  It's a lot of fun.
• 31:35
  It's dumb.
• 31:36
  It's a lot of fun.
• 31:37
  We did it for Halloween.
• 31:39
  I thoroughly enjoyed it.
• 31:40
  Yeah.
• 31:41
  It's one of those weird movies where you have to like really focus on it,
• 31:45
  but but like not focus on what's happening.
• 31:48
  So you just have to pay attention enough to understand why the movie is still playing.
• 31:55
  It's one of those things.
• 31:55
  But don't start asking questions.
• 31:57
  Oh, it's like it's one of those things where it has the opening where he like
• 32:00
  the car gets pulled over and like the car that gets hit by the semi truck.
• 32:04
  But that has nothing to do with the movie.
• 32:06
  Fuck that little girl, too, though.
• 32:08
  Throwing that doll back out at a second time.
• 32:12
  You guys reminded me of one thing that we brought it up when we first watched it,
• 32:15
  but I want your guys to take on it.
• 32:17
  So the like other police officer, the the Lady Cop, yeah, is part of the cult on the
• 32:24
  island. Did you catch her in like the crowd?
• 32:27
  No, at the end.
• 32:30
  Like we had a whole discussion went back and forth.
• 32:32
  She's like, isn't that the Lady Cop who kept visiting him when he was all
• 32:35
  depressed and shit about the mom and daughter burning to death?
• 32:37
  And she's there at the end in the crowd of cultists.
• 32:41
  That's kind of fucked up.
• 32:43
  That's very bizarre.
• 32:44
  It's just makes no sense.
• 32:46
  No, it doesn't.
• 32:47
  Do you think they're just reusing the actress?
• 32:50
  Or like that could be budgetary.
• 32:51
  We could only get so many people to agree to be in this movie and or what if it's
• 32:56
  a twin? What if it's her twin? Oh, oh, shit.
• 33:00
  That's the only way it would make sense, actually, because like I thought it was
• 33:03
  like they they're like, oh, let's put the Lady Cop who was like being nice to him
• 33:07
  because this whole thing is a setup top to bottom.
• 33:09
  It's like, but then you just said like you just send these ladies out to baby
• 33:13
  trap a dude to kill him for the harvest, you know, like seven years later or whatever.
• 33:17
  So how has she got a full time police job?
• 33:22
  And still doing this.
• 33:23
  But the twin think that you might have solved the mystery for me.
• 33:26
  And now that's not going to bother me anymore.
• 33:28
  I was fixed wicker, man.
• 33:30
  Yes, you did.
• 33:31
  Good job. No more.
• 33:32
  Oh, there I apologize for fixing this already perfect movie.
• 33:39
  I my notes from the first time we watched this are still incredibly applicable.
• 33:43
  I just I said, what was the point of anything?
• 33:46
  And then this movie slaps it wins.
• 33:50
  Agreed. Agreed.
• 33:52
  By the end of this film, Peter, I would just like laughing or asses up like this
• 33:55
  movie is awful and I can't stop watching.
• 33:57
  So dumb. It's so dumb.
• 33:59
  But man, it is fun.
• 34:00
  I don't like I also forgot when he's going to get like his daughter from the
• 34:05
  pyre, like the fake burning when he's going to get her like he just punches that woman too.
• 34:11
  Yeah, our rules really didn't comply most of his actions.
• 34:15
  Well, just because we have the rules doesn't mean he's going to obey the rules.
• 34:20
  Like it.
• 34:21
  Reestablish rules outside of that.
• 34:23
  Yeah, he's punching women and maybe it doesn't fit our rules of acceptability.
• 34:28
  He's not. He's just I don't think he's a good guy.
• 34:29
  But he's good at punching women.
• 34:31
  Bad cop.
• 34:33
  So on that note, it is a bad cop.
• 34:35
  Bad cop, bad kid. Yeah. Oh, good movie.
• 34:38
  Good cage.
• 34:39
  Where does this fit for you on the Venn diagram of a good movie, good cage, bad movie, bad
• 34:43
  cage, good, bad, bad, good.
• 34:46
  Bad movie, unbelievable cage.
• 34:50
  It is like it is two separate circles.
• 34:53
  Unbelievable opens up like just a undefined quality.
• 34:58
  Like unbelievable, bad, unbelievable, good.
• 35:02
  It's so back because I think we've
• 35:06
  watched something like 80 some movies at this point, right?
• 35:09
  We used to rank our movies and we just stopped doing it because it's like there's
• 35:13
  too many we cannot continue doing this.
• 35:17
  So we had two rankings in particular.
• 35:20
  One was Nick Cage performance and one was Nick Cage unhinged performance.
• 35:26
  Yeah.
• 35:27
  Those are separate things.
• 35:29
  It does are two.
• 35:30
  Well, because all right, for example, I'm going to pull a movie out of the air.
• 35:34
  Moonstruck love it.
• 35:36
  Moonstruck has an unbelievable unhinged scene, multiple unhinged scenes, actually,
• 35:42
  because you also have the scene where he essentially sexually assaults share.
• 35:46
  So I mean, that happens to share.
• 35:49
  It's an unhinged lines in that scene, too.
• 35:51
  Right. Right. But oh, my God, she did.
• 35:55
  But when he's not being unhinged, she's still being really good.
• 35:59
  Josh, I'm blanking on a movie.
• 36:00
  What's a movie where like Nick Cage was not good but had some incredible unhinged
• 36:04
  scenes, Zandali Spirit of Engines.
• 36:07
  Spirit of Engines is a very good one.
• 36:09
  Badman speech, badman speech was worth a whole fucking movie.
• 36:13
  I watched the whole movie just for that.
• 36:16
  She was horrendous in that movie.
• 36:18
  But that scene was amazing.
• 36:21
  And don't talk shit on Zandali.
• 36:23
  I wasn't love Zandali.
• 36:26
  Movie fucks that movie fucks so hard.
• 36:29
  He's going to black it all out, black it all out.
• 36:32
  He's going to put cocaine in a woman's bottle.
• 36:36
  Because that happens.
• 36:40
  You're our kind of guys.
• 36:42
  I cannot believe.
• 36:43
  Red Rival did that.
• 36:45
  Did that film find onto that film.
• 36:47
  So fucking crazy.
• 36:49
  Movie is so fucking good.
• 36:51
  But yeah, no, I'm in full agreement with Rich.
• 36:54
  It's I'm not going to lie to the listenership and say it's a good movie.
• 36:59
  It's not a good movie, but it is entertaining.
• 37:02
  And Nick Cage's performance is what makes it that it's worth a watch just for that.
• 37:08
  Yeah, you put John Travolta in this movie.
• 37:10
  It's not nearly as good.
• 37:12
  No, same. Yeah, agreed.
• 37:13
  Yeah, this movie exists because and is only we're talking about because of Nick Cage.
• 37:17
  Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
• 37:19
  Yeah, I think it's a terrible movie and a wild performance.
• 37:23
  Yes, so I'm inclined to agree.
• 37:27
  But again, rewatching it,
• 37:28
  there's so much intention and they played they paid so much attention to like the
• 37:32
  narrative and trying to make sure everything made sense, even though none of it does.
• 37:37
  But they tried so hard and I appreciate that.
• 37:39
  I love when people try and produce terrible things.
• 37:43
  I will say this.
• 37:45
  Even if you omit Nick Cage's performance or you don't grade it on his performance,
• 37:52
  I would take this movie over City of Angels.
• 37:56
  It's going to be like there are movies that are just left behind.
• 38:00
  Yeah, mostly the god stuff are just not going to make next.
• 38:05
  Yeah, next.
• 38:06
  Although next had some shit in it.
• 38:08
  Next had great.
• 38:10
  A great exploding.
• 38:11
  10 out of 10.
• 38:12
  Jessica Jessica Beale explosions.
• 38:15
  Yeah.
• 38:16
  10 just a few explosions.
• 38:17
  Perfect seven out of five.
• 38:19
  I'm not going to take the next bait because I listened to a couple of your guys's
• 38:23
  episodes, but I specifically didn't listen to this one to see if you got into it
• 38:27
  because I wanted to ask it myself.
• 38:30
  So you mentioned City of Angels and I noticed in some of the episodes that I did listen to.
• 38:36
  I was like, oh, these guys are just like me for real, for real.
• 38:38
  It's just making, you know, talking about Nick Cage movies and making dick jokes.
• 38:42
  So when we watch City of Angels,
• 38:45
  we had like we got derailed for like 45 minutes straight, asking the question of
• 38:51
  when an angel becomes a trans trans substantiated human being, are they circumcised or not?
• 38:58
  And I'd love you guys to weigh in on that.
• 39:02
  I mean, I would think uncircumcised, right?
• 39:05
  Like I would think circumcised with its biblical, right?
• 39:10
  You're going to make it.
• 39:11
  But that it's something that has to be like your original true form.
• 39:15
  I guess fuck my question.
• 39:17
  OK, were there female angels or was it was all just dudes, right?
• 39:21
  Dude angels.
• 39:23
  There were big crowds of angels.
• 39:25
  All of the angels we directly saw were dude angels.
• 39:29
  But I'm not saying there weren't.
• 39:30
  Do they have dicks when they're angels?
• 39:33
  What's an angel need a dick for?
• 39:35
  Exactly. The dogma has said no.
• 39:37
  Dogma has said no.
• 39:38
  So we went when he becomes a human, like clearly there would be a dick.
• 39:44
  He has to urinate, right?
• 39:45
  I mean, he does have sex at one point.
• 39:48
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 39:49
  The one time it's in the shower.
• 39:51
  That's it.
• 39:51
  Yeah, he has the worst sex in the world because it's shower sex and nobody likes shower sex.
• 39:56
  And the other angel, the guy who looks like Ron Jeremy,
• 40:00
  the other the other angel had children.
• 40:02
  So I guess that you do get a dick.
• 40:04
  Yeah. So here's here's my thoughts and the guy who's not here for saying
• 40:10
  circumcised when he wakes up on the ground, Nick Offerman says he's like bloody.
• 40:17
  There you go. Where'd that come from?
• 40:20
  Poor skin. He caught it on the way down.
• 40:22
  Yeah. And it just tore off.
• 40:24
  That's the fall.
• 40:25
  Yeah. So they don't have time to organize a bris.
• 40:29
  So they rubes.
• 40:31
  Bollberg. God works in mysterious ways.
• 40:34
  Yeah.
• 40:35
  Yeah.
• 40:36
  Like a couple of marbles rolled down some scaffolding and pretty soon you've just
• 40:41
  got foreskin hanging off of a window.
• 40:43
  We fucking solve this shit.
• 40:44
  That's how we didn't die from the fall.
• 40:46
  The slow descent.
• 40:48
  Like a cartoon is foreskin gets caught on something and then just snaps at the last
• 40:53
  second, so it only actually falls like two feet.
• 40:55
  Yeah, exactly that.
• 40:57
  Yeah, I think we solved it. I'm so glad I waited to ask that person.
• 41:03
  Because that's exactly what I was going for.
• 41:05
  I think we actually just fixed that movie, too.
• 41:08
  So we have to go back and rewatch.
• 41:10
  No, now I like that movie. Yeah.
• 41:12
  So bad.
• 41:13
  Yeah, that movie sucks.
• 41:15
  They don't even get the musical cues right.
• 41:17
  I was so mad at that.
• 41:19
  Like they have the fucking goo doll song, the song that this movie was written around.
• 41:24
  You like you cannot convince me otherwise.
• 41:27
  They're playing the song and then the song fades out and it shows fucking what's
• 41:33
  her name, Meg Ryan and the cabin.
• 41:35
  And the song is still kind of going on in the background a little bit, like just
• 41:38
  very, very faintly that's a knock at the door and the song cuts out.
• 41:42
  She opens the door and it's Nick Cage.
• 41:44
  And I was like, OK, here comes like the fucking I don't want the world to see me
• 41:48
  part like really nice and loud and they fucking miss it.
• 41:51
  And that's what angered me the most about that fucking movie.
• 41:55
  So for me, it was everything else in the movie.
• 41:59
  OK, so for me, it was when he like finally like becomes human.
• 42:04
  He suddenly like when he's an angel, he speaks every language.
• 42:07
  But when he becomes human, he speaks English when I think he should be speaking
• 42:11
  like ancient tongues and like not be able to communicate with anyone.
• 42:16
  God works in mysterious ways, man.
• 42:18
  God, God works in English.
• 42:21
  Every Bible I've seen is in English, so convince me otherwise.
• 42:25
  But the Romans have taught me anything.
• 42:27
  Yeah, right.
• 42:28
  Man is made in God's image and God's image is a white dude.
• 42:32
  Yeah, I didn't know if I was actually going to be allowed to finish that sentence,
• 42:36
  but white Anglo Saxon English speaking circumcised.
• 42:42
  Yeah, obviously blonde hair, blue eyes, baby and fucking cut his shit.
• 42:46
  Yeah, man, come cut like Jesus is pretty shit.
• 42:48
  It was up on that cross.
• 42:50
  Crucifixion is really good for your core,
• 42:53
  but it's also a really shitty way to spend Easter.
• 42:58
  Sorcerers apprentice.
• 42:59
  Yeah, the natural transition into Sorcerers apprentice.
• 43:02
  Nick Cage doing magic. Love it.
• 43:04
  Hell yeah.
• 43:06
  Yeah, both of ours lines are awesome.
• 43:10
  I just love him shitting on.
• 43:13
  They've bears though.
• 43:14
  Or the one that plays the young version of them.
• 43:16
  And both of them.
• 43:18
  Yeah, they're both worthy of being picked on.
• 43:22
  But like everything he fucking says is great.
• 43:24
  He's just weird and wild and I don't have specific.
• 43:28
  The character is just so extra.
• 43:30
  And I love his wild ass old car.
• 43:35
  I love all the old man shoe jokes.
• 43:38
  Old man shoes really get me his weird arm warmers.
• 43:43
  Like on his forearms, like his outfit is so stupid.
• 43:46
  It's like a high school girl in the
• 43:51
  early 2000s who's into like the emo scene put together his outfit.
• 43:56
  Stay stage crew in high school.
• 43:58
  That's that was yes.
• 43:59
  Oh, fuck, that's exactly it.
• 44:01
  I do love how when it's gross because I just saw my face in that and it's like,
• 44:05
  oh, man, I would have worn that.
• 44:08
  That's sick as shit.
• 44:09
  I do love when they go through like the history of his immortal life and
• 44:12
  how he's always like kind of dressed to the nines for whatever era he's in.
• 44:16
  And then he gets to the mid aughts and it's just like I'm going to cosplay as
• 44:23
  Harry Dresden as Harry Dresden.
• 44:25
  The point where he's like, I'm going to get a hat that doesn't fit my head and
• 44:28
  stand atop a building's.
• 44:30
  You mentioned his cool car.
• 44:32
  Did you guys know that that was Nick Cage's actual car?
• 44:35
  We did. Yeah, we talked about that, I believe when we watch it.
• 44:39
  But it's cool though, right?
• 44:40
  Yeah, that is cool.
• 44:41
  It's a neat fucking vehicle.
• 44:42
  I'll give them that.
• 44:44
  You know that there is an actual car crash during this that injured two
• 44:47
  pedestrians that I did not know during during the chase scene when
• 44:53
  out from Lena, he's like in a Ferrari, right?
• 44:55
  And there's that's when they're doing all the mere stuff.
• 44:58
  Yeah, the mere stuff.
• 44:58
  That was a good one.
• 44:59
  That was a good car chase.
• 45:00
  Well, when they were filming it, something went wrong and it crashed like
• 45:05
  into a Starbucks and it injured two pedestrians.
• 45:09
  Fuck.
• 45:09
  I honestly see nothing wrong with this.
• 45:12
  Fuck up a Starbucks and like if I was one of the pedestrians injured,
• 45:15
  I would I would dine out on that story all the time and just feel like,
• 45:19
  don't worry, I'll get the bill.
• 45:20
  I got this with my Sorcerer's Apprentice Settlement money.
• 45:24
  Yeah, I had my Ferrari and a Starbucks driven by Alfred Molina.
• 45:29
  Alfred Molina kind of steals this movie for me because he does not give a fuck.
• 45:34
  He's just chewing that scenery.
• 45:36
  Yeah, he owned his role and he he really brought his A game.
• 45:41
  I enjoyed him a lot just as much as I liked the Chris Angel want to be.
• 45:45
  Toby Toby.
• 45:46
  Yeah, the bad monkey from the second plan of the Apes film.
• 45:51
  Sure.
• 45:52
  He was.
• 45:54
  I only watch Nicholas Cage movie.
• 45:56
  So you talked to me about this point and I'm not going to know what you're saying.
• 46:01
  But I love the scene when he's bullying Dave Dave Dave.
• 46:05
  In the bathroom.
• 46:07
  I look what's the line?
• 46:08
  It's like, oh, it's like, you know, I am like, are you in Depeche Mode?
• 46:11
  And your response to that was that's a joke for no one watching this movie.
• 46:16
  Yeah.
• 46:17
  The core demographic of that movie is not going to know who Depeche Mode is.
• 46:22
  Well, I still ask the same questions like, who is this movie for?
• 46:25
  Because it's mildly like it's for Jerry Brookheimer.
• 46:29
  Yeah, but it's like it's kind of a kids movie.
• 46:31
  But there's a weird sex pest element where he's still in love with the same
• 46:35
  girl when he was 10 and he kind of looks up her skirt when they were the crotch.
• 46:39
  Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 46:41
  I forgot about that part.
• 46:42
  This movie was at least partially for Nick Cage.
• 46:45
  Apparently he was a big part of getting it made because he wanted to play a magical
• 46:51
  character, which that tracks 100 percent for me.
• 46:55
  He got to use this really bad like New York cop accent.
• 46:58
  Oh, man.
• 46:59
  That was the cop scene was so funny.
• 47:01
  So good.
• 47:03
  So funny.
• 47:04
  It was good.
• 47:05
  I enjoyed that bit.
• 47:06
  I do want to point out he does hit a woman in this movie,
• 47:09
  but it's Alfred Molina disguised as a woman, which I'm pretty sure is a hate crime.
• 47:16
  I broke Nick.
• 47:17
  No, I mean, I'm not broken.
• 47:19
  I'm just also like trying to figure out like that just reminds me of the of the
• 47:23
  it's always sunny scene.
• 47:24
  Dude, is that a crime?
• 47:25
  I think it is.
• 47:26
  But yeah, no, he flings her.
• 47:28
  He flings her into a wall because she mistakes his Cantonese for Mandarin.
• 47:33
  That's what that's what gives away the game.
• 47:36
  Not just a hate crime, but one, including magic, which I think carries additional
• 47:40
  charges. I'm not sure I'm not a lawyer.
• 47:44
  I fucking hate that one republic song.
• 47:48
  Yeah, swear to God, this this movie and G for us were the like two that we've seen
• 47:53
  that just had G for boom, boom, boom, a gregious overuse of one song.
• 47:59
  Yeah.
• 47:59
  But what about the nodes, man?
• 48:02
  What about the nodes?
• 48:06
  I don't think we watched a movie that broke me yet
• 48:09
  because next next broke you G for us broke.
• 48:13
  I don't think I had a breaking point movie yet.
• 48:16
  I don't know.
• 48:16
  Next kind of broke Nick, too, because Nick made up a whole ending to that movie
• 48:20
  that didn't exist. Yeah.
• 48:22
  My I Mandela affected that entire movie.
• 48:25
  And, you know, it turned out better in my head.
• 48:28
  And then as we recorded, I was like, well, wait, this movie sucked.
• 48:32
  Shit, this movie sucked.
• 48:34
  One of the movies I'll guarantee you guys haven't seen yet because I don't
• 48:38
  think anybody has seen it, except for us is The Boy in Blue.
• 48:42
  Oh, yeah. No, no one's watched that.
• 48:44
  Don't it's so boring.
• 48:47
  You're not my dad.
• 48:48
  I just remember watching it just on this fucking socks.
• 48:52
  He's like a rower or something.
• 48:54
  Yeah. He's a greasy bum boy.
• 48:56
  Oh, he's a what?
• 48:58
  It's a line from a movie specifically talking about rower.
• 49:02
  It's like it's a biopic about that little slidey seat they have for those.
• 49:06
  Yeah. Those rowboats before the slidey seats, they greased their asses
• 49:11
  literally so they could slide on a static bench and they called them greasy bum boys.
• 49:17
  Did they where they bear ice?
• 49:20
  We're just going to isolate that and use that to get your podcast canceled.
• 49:24
  That's the whole reason we're having a.
• 49:25
  Yes, this is we're eliminating competition right now.
• 49:29
  Yeah, it could only be one Nick Cage podcast.
• 49:31
  We're doing the same. Don't worry.
• 49:34
  We're doing all of this just as a big middle finger to reddit.
• 49:40
  No, do they is it bear assed?
• 49:42
  I have a lot of questions now about greasy bum.
• 49:45
  No, they're just ruining pants and makes it.
• 49:48
  At no point does it make any sense.
• 49:51
  And it's extra confusing because Cage is more shredded in that film than he's ever
• 49:56
  been and they shaved his whole chest and did like several super horny chest
• 50:01
  band downs. They always shave his chest when he gets in shape.
• 50:04
  When he shaves his chest, you know, you're going to get a good Nicholas Cage.
• 50:08
  Like I'm going to sleep funny.
• 50:12
  I'm sorry, I'm also losing it a little bit because I was I was here earlier with Nick
• 50:16
  and we were trying to fix some shit for the audio that was fucked up.
• 50:18
  And he was like, well, I've got nothing to do except make Sean's pictures not level.
• 50:24
  And I just realized
• 50:27
  that he's unleveled a bunch of Sean's shit on the wall.
• 50:30
  I never would have noticed.
• 50:32
  Yeah, I don't look at my shit.
• 50:33
  I like to make pictures crooked and I like to turn the toilet paper around in the bathroom.
• 50:38
  How did you do that? Oh, you're a monster.
• 50:39
  Oh, yeah, that would drive me crazy.
• 50:42
  I didn't do that one today, but I like to do that at parties.
• 50:44
  Like if I go to a party and like everybody's having a good time, I do that.
• 50:48
  Just because now everybody's going to like all the women are going to go to the bathroom
• 50:52
  and they're going to judge the host of the party unjustly.
• 50:56
  I'm going to quote Peter here.
• 50:56
  Like, you know, you're a criminal, right?
• 50:58
  Yeah, allegedly.
• 51:01
  That behavior reminds me when I was when I was in high school,
• 51:04
  my big thing is I always carried around a screwdriver with me and I just anything
• 51:08
  anywhere I was, I would just take a screw out of it and just chuck it out.
• 51:12
  So by the end of high school, like doors are falling off stalls and that.
• 51:18
  That's amazing. I love this.
• 51:22
  It's just mild, like long, long con chaos.
• 51:26
  When I was in my electrical apprenticeship, we had a motor controls lab that had, you
• 51:32
  know, all sorts of stuff and whatnot.
• 51:33
  A lot of them involved some indicator lights that you would wire up.
• 51:39
  And every time I would leave, I would make sure to unscrew the light bulb just
• 51:43
  enough that there wouldn't be contact so that the next person who comes in would
• 51:48
  just worry about their wiring and never check that the light bulb was screwed in
• 51:52
  and then waste all of their class time being like, why isn't it working?
• 51:56
  Why isn't it working?
• 51:58
  I'd also take the batteries out of the
• 52:01
  remotes for the projectors so that the instructors would not be able to turn the
• 52:05
  projectors on. That's chaotic.
• 52:08
  Diabolical.
• 52:10
  I have really bad ADHD
• 52:15
  and zero impulse control.
• 52:17
  So.
• 52:19
  So Sorceress Apprentice.
• 52:22
  Like I'm trying to in my own head figure out like how they got to this film
• 52:27
  because the only connection to Disney is the Mops scene.
• 52:31
  There's a bunch of like Disney product placement shit.
• 52:34
  There's like a Buzz Lightyear alarm clock early on.
• 52:37
  That I know I just met in terms of like,
• 52:39
  I guess I just made a movie about wizards and through Disney stuff in it.
• 52:42
  Yeah, that's basically what they did.
• 52:44
  They just crammed Disney shit into a wizard movie because Nick Cage was like,
• 52:50
  I'll be in a movie for you.
• 52:52
  He was based on Yen Sid who in Fantasia, Mickey Mouse is the apprentice.
• 52:59
  Yeah. His master is Yen Sid.
• 53:01
  Sorceress Apprentice.
• 53:02
  Yes, exactly.
• 53:04
  That seems so short like from Fantasia.
• 53:07
  It was pretty short in this movie, too.
• 53:09
  Yeah, but it's famous.
• 53:10
  So that's what matters.
• 53:11
  If that's what his character is actually based on.
• 53:13
  Is this like a Pirates of the Caribbean thing where they originally had a script
• 53:16
  for a Dresden movie and they're like, no, we got to make it a Disney thing.
• 53:19
  Maybe. Whereas Pirates was originally the script was the Secret of Monkey Island
• 53:24
  that they're like, we need to put Johnny Depp in it.
• 53:26
  I was not aware of that.
• 53:28
  I didn't know that.
• 53:29
  I choose to believe that's true.
• 53:31
  I heard that somewhere and I choose to believe it's true.
• 53:33
  Yeah, just alternative facts here.
• 53:36
  That's all.
• 53:37
  I can't wait for H bomber guy to do a six hour video on this podcast.
• 53:42
  That's all that would be great.
• 53:44
  Oh, I would love.
• 53:45
  I wish we were in the plagiarism video.
• 53:48
  God damn it.
• 53:49
  We got to plagiarize more.
• 53:50
  I oh my god.
• 53:52
  I love that video.
• 53:53
  I I saw that was up at like 10 o'clock at night.
• 53:55
  I'm like, I saw it's four hours.
• 53:57
  I'm going to start this two a.m.
• 53:59
  I'm in my bed with my tablet just like to that screen.
• 54:03
  What what is even this you talk about things?
• 54:08
  Why?
• 54:09
  So there's podcasters.
• 54:11
  Are they ripping off other podcasts?
• 54:12
  Or are they just podcasting about podcasts?
• 54:14
  Because I would I feel like we'd really make it if some other podcast
• 54:18
  did an episode just reporting on our podcast.
• 54:21
  Oh, yeah, no, we would really arrive
• 54:23
  unless it's an in memoriam.
• 54:25
  Well, the the the most in the know thing, I guess, right now is,
• 54:29
  do you know about the Illuminati drama?
• 54:32
  I mean, now because I watch that video.
• 54:34
  Well, I just happened to know about that because I knew about like sad milk and shit.
• 54:39
  Mm hmm.
• 54:40
  These are so many like I know Illuminati sad milk.
• 54:45
  And that just it just happened like four months ago.
• 54:49
  So it's just like, you know, what's going on?
• 54:51
  Like that's what the H.
• 54:52
  Bomber Guy video was about.
• 54:53
  He doesn't know what's going on.
• 54:55
  I have no clue.
• 54:56
  Tell us about sad milk.
• 54:57
  Yeah, I'm curious about this.
• 54:58
  OK, I don't know what's going on.
• 54:59
  What's up?
• 55:00
  I'm up on almond milk and soy milk, but what's sad milk?
• 55:03
  How do you milk sadness?
• 55:05
  This podcast dry.
• 55:08
  It's a very dry milky.
• 55:11
  Fucking long story short is masturbation.
• 55:14
  That's the joke there.
• 55:15
  Yes. Sad milking.
• 55:17
  Yep. OK, you got there.
• 55:19
  There you go.
• 55:20
  Wait, does anybody know when did when did Disney get the rights to Star Wars?
• 55:24
  Because there were Star Wars, several Star Wars references.
• 55:26
  That was 2000 and 2012, I want to say.
• 55:31
  Oh, so they just threw those in there before they even owned it.
• 55:34
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 55:36
  OK. Yeah.
• 55:37
  Then I don't know.
• 55:38
  I don't know what they were going for with this other than,
• 55:41
  like I said, Nick Cage was like, I'll be in a weird wizard movie.
• 55:44
  And they're like, all right, let's just see what we got lying around.
• 55:49
  Call up John Turtletub.
• 55:51
  Well, yeah, Turtletub, Turtletub.
• 55:52
  Yeah, because this was our double Turtletub,
• 55:54
  because this was matched up against National Treasure.
• 55:56
  National Treasure 2.
• 55:57
  Yeah. The first time we had it.
• 55:59
  Yeah, we watched the second National Treasure first.
• 56:01
  I think we put that one in the weird one because we needed to balance things out.
• 56:03
  And I thought it was weird that they made the second National Treasure.
• 56:06
  Well, it also is a little weirder than the first one.
• 56:08
  The first one tries to be a little more realistic or something.
• 56:12
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 56:13
  For a movie about stealing the Declaration of Independence,
• 56:16
  they really tried to sell it as an honest to God like documentary.
• 56:20
  Listen, man, they use the lemons with the gloves.
• 56:23
  I mean, what I didn't like about the first one was that
• 56:26
  I was told the movie was about stealing the Declaration of Independence
• 56:29
  and they do it in the first like 18 minutes of the movie.
• 56:33
  And I'm like, so what's the rest of it about?
• 56:35
  And I was bored the rest of the time.
• 56:36
  The rest of the movie is two hours.
• 56:39
  I will say for a broad cover film,
• 56:41
  Sources of Apprentice, not that long.
• 56:43
  Hour 40. Yeah, no, it was great.
• 56:46
  All right. Any actual thoughts on this fucking movie?
• 56:49
  It's a lot of fun.
• 56:51
  I I really despite the musical, despite the music in this film,
• 56:55
  because I mean, all music in that time was awful.
• 56:57
  This is my old man soapbox.
• 56:59
  This movie knows what it is and everyone in it
• 57:02
  cares just enough to ham it up.
• 57:04
  And I love it.
• 57:04
  If you could change the music to something else kind of
• 57:08
  of the period, where would you go?
• 57:11
  I would go with some new metal.
• 57:13
  Yeah. Say, just give me some straight pig destroyer grind core.
• 57:17
  Oh, fuck yeah.
• 57:20
  God, he's so out of place.
• 57:22
  It just be the song voodoo over and over.
• 57:26
  It's like this doesn't fit the pacing, but God damn it.
• 57:30
  That's so long.
• 57:31
  You could just like you don't even need to like repeat it.
• 57:33
  You just have you just started at the beginning of the movie and let it run for 90 minutes.
• 57:37
  Yeah, that's the entire the entire background music for the whole film.
• 57:42
  It would make me sit up and be like, what the fuck is going on here?
• 57:47
  It would have been way funnier because like 2010 is kind of when that like
• 57:50
  tumblr pop punk stuff started coming out, it would have been way funnier to have that.
• 57:58
  I don't know. With this movie, I thought it was it's for like it's a formulae kids
• 58:03
  movie they threw in all of the fun tropes and it's fine.
• 58:07
  But my primary complaint is that they overused one song and just started
• 58:13
  grading on my nerves, but the rest of it like almost everybody was typecast.
• 58:17
  Well, and it worked. It was just somebody just hammered this out.
• 58:23
  I was looking at my notes.
• 58:24
  They had three different writers with like wildly varying backgrounds.
• 58:28
  So that's what they did.
• 58:29
  Like the casting directors like here's who we're working with.
• 58:31
  And they're like, we got it.
• 58:32
  We'll have it done in 45 fucking minutes.
• 58:34
  Don't worry about it.
• 58:35
  And then just threw it together.
• 58:37
  I don't know why this one line just bothers me and boggled my mind so much.
• 58:42
  But when he tells his girlfriend that he's a wizard and that magic's real,
• 58:47
  her response to that is, and I thought my last boyfriend was interesting.
• 58:51
  He wore a scarf.
• 58:53
  Like that's not the exact line, but she was just like she talks about like
• 58:56
  scarf dude being her last boyfriend and like that was his thing.
• 58:59
  We do see some scarf dude in the movie.
• 59:01
  I can't remember. Yeah.
• 59:02
  He works at the radio station and he's having coffee with her.
• 59:05
  Oh, yeah. They're having their nighttime coffees.
• 59:07
  It is funny that she's super chill about it.
• 59:09
  She's like, she's like, yeah, last boyfriend was a scarf one.
• 59:12
  The one before that was really in a model train.
• 59:14
  So all right, I can deal with wizard.
• 59:17
  I had some background here.
• 59:20
  And she saw her her one character thing is she's afraid of heights.
• 59:25
  Conquers that to like help redirect the magical
• 59:28
  sigil, which uses satellites.
• 59:30
  And then he's like, you want to go to France?
• 59:33
  Get on this giant metal eagle that I just learned how to control.
• 59:38
  Don't worry about heights or falling to your death.
• 59:41
  Well, she conquered the fear.
• 59:43
  That means it never bothers you ever.
• 59:46
  You know what? I've been forced to like deal with a spider or two in my time.
• 59:50
  I still don't fucking want them in my house.
• 59:52
  Correct. Listen, every every house needs at least two spiders.
• 59:55
  I don't care what you say.
• 59:56
  That's why I bring one every time I come here.
• 1:00:01
  That's a good call.
• 1:00:02
  It's behind the crooked pictures.
• 1:00:04
  I was going to say somebody who is is tilting all of your pictures.
• 1:00:07
  I take that very seriously.
• 1:00:09
  Every time he's just like, there you go, buddy.
• 1:00:11
  New home should always be considered.
• 1:00:14
  That's how I feel about it.
• 1:00:15
  It's like I should just live at such a
• 1:00:19
  degree that everybody has to question whether I'm here.
• 1:00:24
  Is he telling the truth right now?
• 1:00:26
  Fuck, do I need to look for spiders?
• 1:00:28
  What is this greasy bum boy telling me?
• 1:00:31
  If you if you really want to fuck with people from here on out,
• 1:00:34
  just carry an empty like like those mini cork containers.
• 1:00:37
  Do you get from a Chinese food restaurant?
• 1:00:39
  Just an empty one in your pocket.
• 1:00:40
  Just leave it in their house.
• 1:00:42
  You're like, did he bring spiders in that?
• 1:00:44
  Why is it empty right now?
• 1:00:45
  Oh, man.
• 1:00:48
  I think this is a pretty good movie.
• 1:00:50
  It's a it's pretty tight.
• 1:00:53
  The script is pretty like there aren't like holes in it.
• 1:00:57
  It moves well.
• 1:00:58
  It's paced pretty good.
• 1:01:01
  Yeah.
• 1:01:01
  When when we watched it, we described it as this is a movie that you could put on
• 1:01:05
  with your kids and you will probably also not hate. Yeah.
• 1:01:11
  Yeah. I mean, it's not G force.
• 1:01:13
  Thank God. My head just told me that this movie is kind of like a Dave Navarro
• 1:01:18
  album where it's just like super plastic and easy to like digest.
• 1:01:22
  But it's not going to change you in any way.
• 1:01:26
  As what a five people who at one point owned Dave Navarro's solo album.
• 1:01:30
  I feel called out by that statement.
• 1:01:32
  Hey, I owned it too, man.
• 1:01:34
  Oh, you did.
• 1:01:34
  Wait, you were one of you were one of the 14 people to buy that.
• 1:01:39
  Yeah.
• 1:01:39
  I was two to a 14 right here.
• 1:01:43
  14.
• 1:01:44
  What are the fucking odds?
• 1:01:45
  Yeah. And we were in different states.
• 1:01:47
  Yeah.
• 1:01:48
  Yeah. No, it was it was it was fine.
• 1:01:50
  It was benign.
• 1:01:51
  It was we run into a lot of that with kids movies.
• 1:01:54
  It's kind of hard to shit all over a kid's movie.
• 1:01:56
  You know what I mean?
• 1:01:57
  Not G force exists.
• 1:01:58
  That's true.
• 1:01:59
  I don't fucking find.
• 1:02:01
  I fucking love shitting on kids.
• 1:02:03
  Every every once in a while, like you hit something like G force, you're like, oh,
• 1:02:07
  my God, I can't believe Sam Rockwell agreed to this.
• 1:02:10
  Also rockheimer.
• 1:02:11
  How much do they pay people to be in those things?
• 1:02:14
  Because like G force had so many names in it and it was just awful.
• 1:02:19
  And the kids don't get anything out of it.
• 1:02:21
  It's just service for the adults who have to watch it.
• 1:02:24
  But then they don't even do anything cool with them.
• 1:02:27
  I don't know.
• 1:02:28
  It's got to be a big paycheck, very low lift for like the actors and actresses.
• 1:02:33
  And I guess the pitch that kind of CGI budget to a studio, you got to be like,
• 1:02:37
  we got Penelope Cruz signed onto it.
• 1:02:39
  And they're like, all right, well, we got to be we also have Tracy Morgan.
• 1:02:46
  Tracy Morgan, that's the the balancing act you have to get.
• 1:02:49
  Right.
• 1:02:50
  You have Nick Cage being the only one who's actually doing a voice to.
• 1:02:54
  That was also super weird.
• 1:02:56
  Nick Cage is the only one who came to work on.
• 1:02:59
  So fucking bizarre.
• 1:03:01
  But Tracy Morgan reminded me of like
• 1:03:04
  ever watched 30 Rock when he was being Garfield.
• 1:03:08
  And he was like, hey, I'm Garfield.
• 1:03:10
  I hate Mondays, Lasagna. OK, give me my paycheck.
• 1:03:13
  Wait, you mean Chris Pratt as Garfield?
• 1:03:18
  Listen, Chris Pratt is currently just locked in a room and they are just
• 1:03:23
  forcing him to ruin our childhood.
• 1:03:25
  I don't think they're forcing him to do anything.
• 1:03:27
  To be fair, putting out a Garfield movie doesn't ruin my childhood.
• 1:03:32
  It just reinforces it reinforces how terrible Garfield is.
• 1:03:36
  It's just like, oh, fuck, that's still around.
• 1:03:38
  Fuck you, Jim Davis.
• 1:03:40
  Come at me, Jim Davis.
• 1:03:42
  It's like might as well make a Kathy movie.
• 1:03:45
  Yeah.
• 1:03:47
  Any any final thoughts for Sorcerer's Apprentice on any of you guys?
• 1:03:51
  I like it.
• 1:03:52
  Yeah, I like it.
• 1:03:53
  It's a good performance.
• 1:03:55
  I give it the good good.
• 1:03:56
  I give it the good good.
• 1:03:58
  Yeah.
• 1:03:59
  It's middle of the road, you know, but it's it's it's fine.
• 1:04:04
  Technically proficient, except the CGI is kind of bad.
• 1:04:08
  But what do you expect?
• 1:04:09
  I think the CGI is pretty good for like the time frame.
• 1:04:12
  I don't think it's like that's true.
• 1:04:13
  That's true.
• 1:04:14
  Well, we also did a lot of practical effects, too.
• 1:04:16
  I love the wizard fighting in this.
• 1:04:18
  Yeah, that's good wizard fighting.
• 1:04:20
  I love the just casual way.
• 1:04:24
  Molina throws the vase out the window before Nicholas Cage gets out.
• 1:04:28
  It's like, yeah, that's the perfect way to fight somebody who hasn't come out yet.
• 1:04:33
  It's like, am I throwing out a window?
• 1:04:34
  Yeah, I'm the first one out.
• 1:04:36
  Right. It's like, yeah, OK, throw the vase out the window.
• 1:04:38
  Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
• 1:04:39
  You guys mentioned D&D.
• 1:04:40
  So I'm assuming we're all the roughly same flavor of nerds.
• 1:04:44
  We all have single digit body counts.
• 1:04:46
  So yeah, I thought it was very D&D-ish with like the fighting and the ideas and
• 1:04:53
  stuff like that and throwing the vase out the window is a perfect example of that.
• 1:04:57
  Yeah, it's just player solutions.
• 1:04:59
  Right. Yeah.
• 1:04:59
  It's like, I'm a fuck this DM's day up right now.
• 1:05:02
  I throw the vase out the window.
• 1:05:04
  Can I just chuck it? Can I chuck it? I chuck it.
• 1:05:07
  Balthazar, when chucked out of a window,
• 1:05:09
  did it correctly where he grabbed the phone flagpole rather than using his foreskin?
• 1:05:13
  That's true.
• 1:05:14
  There you go.
• 1:05:15
  So so Balthazar confirmed uncircumstied.
• 1:05:20
  All right. Now we know the important questions
• 1:05:22
  have been answered. Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  God, thank you guys.
• 1:05:25
  With his hedonistic foreskin.
• 1:05:26
  I'm glad my boss listens to this podcast.
• 1:05:29
  Same. Hi, boss.
• 1:05:32
  I have a quick question, though.
• 1:05:34
  When it comes to what movie moves on, is it is it the quality of movie
• 1:05:39
  or quality of cage?
• 1:05:41
  Because these two are very different.
• 1:05:44
  It's yeah, it's usually.
• 1:05:47
  It can be an argument.
• 1:05:50
  It's never very well defined.
• 1:05:52
  It's OK.
• 1:05:54
  I love it.
• 1:05:55
  I thrive in chaos.
• 1:05:56
  This is a comedy podcast.
• 1:05:58
  Yeah, that's core. Yeah.
• 1:06:00
  Oh, so there's no rules.
• 1:06:02
  We're just throwing rules out the window here.
• 1:06:03
  OK. Oh, there's rules all the time.
• 1:06:06
  But we don't follow the rules suck.
• 1:06:08
  And as much like Nick Cage doesn't follow the rules for punching women.
• 1:06:13
  We don't follow the rules for what we vote on.
• 1:06:15
  Yeah, it's a loose guideline.
• 1:06:18
  But with that, what would you guys put forward?
• 1:06:20
  And know that your votes do not count.
• 1:06:23
  That's fine. That's everything I've ever voted for.
• 1:06:27
  America.
• 1:06:28
  Isn't that just American democracy?
• 1:06:30
  That's I'm used to this.
• 1:06:32
  At its finest.
• 1:06:33
  Yeah, no, it's it's it's Wicker Man for me.
• 1:06:36
  But like my approach to it is going off of your guys.
• 1:06:40
  I think I'm just like winnowing down to the movie I'm stuck with.
• 1:06:43
  That's what I got from here on out.
• 1:06:45
  And if it's between these two, it would be Wicker Man for me.
• 1:06:48
  I'm going to agree with Wicker Man.
• 1:06:50
  I choose to believe that the rules is what is the superior cage
• 1:06:55
  and Wicker Man is the superior cage.
• 1:06:58
  Sometimes you have an overwhelming cage and that will dominate
• 1:07:02
  which movie goes forward case in point.
• 1:07:04
  This was a daddy dom cage.
• 1:07:06
  Daddy.
• 1:07:09
  I don't know why like I say it that way, because that's not that's not how it works.
• 1:07:13
  I don't know, but it works.
• 1:07:15
  Well, it works now.
• 1:07:17
  As someone with a dad.
• 1:07:18
  Yeah, that's how you say daddy.
• 1:07:20
  Oh, brag.
• 1:07:22
  Listen, just just Nick Cage with four floggers.
• 1:07:24
  Just being a daddy.
• 1:07:27
  All right. So, Nick, what is what is your thoughts on this?
• 1:07:30
  Yeah, usually I go with the feeling of what I want to see more.
• 1:07:34
  What I what I can stomach to keep watching and
• 1:07:38
  what I would want other people to watch.
• 1:07:41
  So with those guidelines, it's definitely Wicker Man for me because.
• 1:07:46
  Smart even being like maybe an inferior movie by the critic metrics.
• 1:07:54
  It's important to watch in the greater cage pantheon like primal.
• 1:08:00
  I was about to agree with you.
• 1:08:03
  Now I have to now I have to say sources.
• 1:08:06
  No, I was going to say like I watched sources of friends with you.
• 1:08:09
  I watched Wicker Man with Peter and the entire time I was watching sources of friends.
• 1:08:14
  Like this is this is a ride.
• 1:08:16
  I'm here for all of this and Wicker Man as unhinged and as amazing as it is.
• 1:08:24
  I'm just constantly is.
• 1:08:26
  Oh, God, why needling it.
• 1:08:28
  I love it.
• 1:08:29
  But in terms of like movie, I and I will probably continue to enjoy more.
• 1:08:34
  Like I'm going to watch Wicker Man when I want to watch a train wreck.
• 1:08:38
  But in terms of a movie, I want probably will watch again and have fun with its
• 1:08:42
  sources of friends for me.
• 1:08:44
  Which means this comes to the rare Peter vote.
• 1:08:46
  Ah, I finally have power again.
• 1:08:50
  This is the second time this has ever happened.
• 1:08:53
  Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:08:55
  I was the first one.
• 1:08:56
  Oh, primal. Thank fuck.
• 1:08:57
  I saved the day on that one.
• 1:08:59
  Don't make the same mistake twice.
• 1:09:01
  I man, I thought about this fight was Bertie and Wicker Man.
• 1:09:05
  Oh, that's true.
• 1:09:06
  Well, no, our first fight was Army of One and adaptation, which was episode two.
• 1:09:12
  Right.
• 1:09:13
  Oh, that is that is not a great choice.
• 1:09:16
  Well, we're going to move on from this.
• 1:09:18
  Yeah, that we could talk about that for a long time.
• 1:09:21
  It was a tough choice.
• 1:09:22
  It was a tough choice, but we made the correct, correct decision.
• 1:09:25
  Also, Army of One slaps.
• 1:09:27
  That movie is so fucking good and you keep watching it.
• 1:09:29
  It gets better.
• 1:09:30
  I rewatch it for this round.
• 1:09:32
  I'm like, now we made the right choice here.
• 1:09:34
  Yeah, I hate admitting that I like that movie as much as I do, but it is really good.
• 1:09:38
  It always gets a reaction, just like Wicker Man is always going to get a reaction
• 1:09:42
  when you watch it, but you're going to stop reacting strongly to a movie
• 1:09:46
  that is just so cookie cutter as the source of surprise.
• 1:09:50
  Yeah. Unfortunately, I have to agree.
• 1:09:52
  And my vote will be Wicker Man because it is just so stupid.
• 1:09:55
  I love it.
• 1:09:56
  I'm trying to.
• 1:09:56
  The entire time I'm like, I still like it and I'm having fun and laughing.
• 1:10:02
  And it's shot well and it's got like cool scenery and it's interesting,
• 1:10:06
  but it's so fucking dumb.
• 1:10:08
  It's so cagey.
• 1:10:09
  It just has to go.
• 1:10:10
  Yeah, I'm fine with that.
• 1:10:11
  I it was a hard show.
• 1:10:12
  It was a hard choice and I'm not fine with that.
• 1:10:16
  Sweet.
• 1:10:17
  Well, we can spend a little bit of time because we got to talk about this week
• 1:10:19
  in cage, which is the big announcement from cage.
• 1:10:22
  I'm sure you guys saw closing his career in cinema.
• 1:10:27
  I'm about to say in cinema that our podcast will never die
• 1:10:31
  because it will become episodic.
• 1:10:32
  We will get to talk about one 27 minute long TV show for two hours.
• 1:10:38
  Perfect. Every week.
• 1:10:40
  You guys have it figured out.
• 1:10:43
  I hope he lands permanent casting as like a new detective on Law and Order SVU.
• 1:10:48
  That would be my dream.
• 1:10:50
  I'm getting out of movies moving in the TV.
• 1:10:54
  He would prefer prestige television, which makes me want to go
• 1:10:59
  true detective and watch him really get like freaky, weird with like some,
• 1:11:04
  I don't know, like, well, he's real big into New Orleans.
• 1:11:06
  So maybe like a voodoo season.
• 1:11:08
  Did they do that?
• 1:11:09
  I don't remember.
• 1:11:10
  It'll be like a voodoo, like an HBO level voodoo bones.
• 1:11:14
  I fucking hate bones, though.
• 1:11:16
  So don't do that.
• 1:11:18
  Maybe you find her.
• 1:11:19
  I don't know that one.
• 1:11:20
  It was a bone spinoff.
• 1:11:22
  And it was worse than bones.
• 1:11:23
  Throw some more like Lovecraftian shit.
• 1:11:26
  Yeah, that'd be cool.
• 1:11:27
  That'd be such a gamble casting cage and fucking true detective.
• 1:11:31
  I'd watch the shit out of it.
• 1:11:33
  Don't get wrong, but it'd be a gamble.
• 1:11:37
  You know what?
• 1:11:37
  It's gone in it, but I mean, that was the terrible season.
• 1:11:40
  Bruce Campbell's never worked with the Nick Cage.
• 1:11:42
  Put them both in a show together.
• 1:11:43
  Fuck, that'd be so good.
• 1:11:45
  Like a new jack of all trades and Nick Cage is like his apprentice.
• 1:11:49
  And Bruce Campbell has to teach Nick Cage how to, I don't know,
• 1:11:53
  swashbuckle and Patrick Warburton is the bad guy.
• 1:11:55
  100 percent love Patrick Warburton.
• 1:11:58
  So are we taking the retirement like threat seriously?
• 1:12:01
  Or is this like a Michael Jordan thing?
• 1:12:03
  Or he's going to be out of money.
• 1:12:04
  I mean, he's going to run out of money immediately.
• 1:12:07
  Yeah, back to T-Rex skulls back.
• 1:12:09
  Yeah. Anyway, where can we find you guys on the internet?
• 1:12:14
  What do you got going on?
• 1:12:15
  Here's your time to pitch something.
• 1:12:16
  Yeah, no, you can find us on formerly Twitter acts at cage fight underscore.
• 1:12:22
  Rod you can say Twitter.
• 1:12:25
  It's fine. Yeah, I know.
• 1:12:26
  It's terrible.
• 1:12:29
  We get dead name acts. It's fine. You're allowed.
• 1:12:31
  I mean, dead name is Kate.
• 1:12:33
  You can dead name his company.
• 1:12:35
  That's yeah, turnabout is fair play in that case.
• 1:12:37
  But we're on there.
• 1:12:39
  If you're an uncle, you can find us on Facebook.
• 1:12:42
  We're not going to give you a link there.
• 1:12:44
  You'll find us if you're that kind of person.
• 1:12:48
  And rich that we are Nick Cage on that constantly.
• 1:12:52
  Only messages we get on our Facebook is is Nick Cage.
• 1:12:55
  I love your work and scams.
• 1:12:58
  That's it. We also have a patron, patreon.com slash Nick Cage fight.
• 1:13:05
  We have a one dollar level, which gets you all of our episodes
• 1:13:09
  with the ads cut out. We surgically remove them.
• 1:13:12
  And we also have a ten dollar level that will get you like all the basically
• 1:13:17
  uncut episodes like the day we record it because we run about two weeks behind.
• 1:13:22
  Uncut episodes, so not City of Angels.
• 1:13:26
  Uncertainty.
• 1:13:27
  So yes.
• 1:13:30
  Wait, I can I can provide unedited episodes and make more money on them.
• 1:13:36
  Are you telling me I could do less work for more money?
• 1:13:41
  No, Peter, get get back in your box.
• 1:13:44
  And it, bitch.
• 1:13:46
  But yeah, that's that's where you can find us.
• 1:13:47
  So I love your guys's podcast.
• 1:13:49
  I watched the or listen to the pay the ghost episode early on.
• 1:13:54
  It was crash. Oh my God. It's such a good, good episode about it.
• 1:14:00
  It made me really excited.
• 1:14:03
  Well, thank you guys very much. This is a lot of fun. Yeah.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah. No, thank you for having us on.
• 1:14:08
  Yeah, this was this was a lot of fun.
• 1:14:10
  We'll have to get you guys on for I don't know.
• 1:14:13
  Maybe, you know, maybe, maybe a Holy Trinity episode.
• 1:14:15
  We can go four parts on it.
• 1:14:16
  We did three parts on face off.
• 1:14:18
  So it would actually be great to get you guys for one of the Holy Trinity episodes,
• 1:14:23
  because we like went into this with our like the cage-iest cage films
• 1:14:27
  already firmly implanted in our minds.
• 1:14:31
  So with you guys having to make these like life and death decisions
• 1:14:34
  about which movie moves on, we'll have to have you on for one of those.
• 1:14:37
  Nick and I have had words about Conair, so that could be fun.
• 1:14:42
  Oh, that was another argument, but it wasn't about whether it should go on.
• 1:14:45
  No, it was just about the relevance of Steve Buscemi.
• 1:14:50
  That's true. We got really contentious about Buscemi.
• 1:14:52
  It was going to be a fight.
• 1:14:55
  But we almost canceled the podcast.
• 1:14:58
  We almost just kicked Sean off.
• 1:15:00
  It would have been it would have gone on.
• 1:15:03
  I could be Sean.
• 1:15:04
  All right, definitely going to have to pencil you guys in for Conair.
• 1:15:06
  I want to see this.
• 1:15:07
  The whole.
• 1:15:09
  Thank you so much for having us on here.
• 1:15:11
  Well, whenever I finally make it out to AC, I'm definitely going to try
• 1:15:16
  to get you guys up because I need to know what's going on.
• 1:15:18
  I need to see it.
• 1:15:19
  Oh, we'll take you places.
• 1:15:21
  Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what we didn't do?
• 1:15:24
  It was we were like, hey, here's all of our stuff.
• 1:15:26
  Our podcast is called Nick Cage fight.
• 1:15:31
  Right. That little fact.
• 1:15:35
  Fantastic. Speaking of that, we are on all the things as cage underscore,
• 1:15:40
  match underscore pod or cage match pod.
• 1:15:43
  You can find us on any of those.
• 1:15:44
  We are on Patreon if you want to support us.
• 1:15:47
  And thank you to our. Sparkle buddies.
• 1:15:52
  That's the thing that my brain could not remember.
• 1:15:55
  Fuck me. Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam and cage dancers,
• 1:16:00
  Ira, John, Freeman and Lance.
• 1:16:02
  And yeah, quick update.
• 1:16:04
  I am still planning on, but not not there yet on our porn hub account.
• 1:16:10
  Oh, good. Thank you.
• 1:16:11
  Yeah, I'm glad you're still.
• 1:16:12
  We will have our episodes up on porn hub.
• 1:16:14
  I'm glad you're still by the end of the year.
• 1:16:16
  Stoking that fire.
• 1:16:17
  I'm going to do it by the end of the year.
• 1:16:19
  You can listen to us while watching knobs.
• 1:16:23
  I mean, they could do that now.
• 1:16:25
  Hear knobs. Watch knobs.
• 1:16:28
  Just walking. It is three dudes locked in the cage.
• 1:16:31
  Just a bunch of greasy bum boys.
• 1:16:34
  Bye bye.
• 1:16:38
  Oh boy.
• 1:16:39
  Oh, wait, I'm allowed to curse on this, right?
• 1:16:41
  Because I curse a lot.
• 1:16:42
  Fuck yeah, dude.
• 1:16:43
  It was funny because I always like to listen to a couple episodes
• 1:16:47
  of whoever we're having on as a guest.
• 1:16:49
  If they've got episodes to listen to.
• 1:16:51
  And this morning I was listening to your mom and dad episode
• 1:16:53
  because I thought that we had not advanced that one.
• 1:16:55
  And I wanted something that wasn't going to bias me.
• 1:16:58
  But anyway, I'm going to do it.
• 1:16:59
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:00
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:01
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:02
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:03
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:04
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:05
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:06
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:07
  I'm going to do it.
• 1:17:08
  But anyway, yeah, I was listening to you.
• 1:17:10
  You guys just swear and talk shit on Dr.
• 1:17:13
  Oz and I was like, this will be fine.
• 1:17:16
  Perfect.
• 1:17:17
  Yeah.
• 1:17:18
  Fuck away.
• 1:17:19
  Fuck away boys.
• 1:17:24
  What is the like sketchiest thing you've ever seen in
• 1:17:28
  Atlantic City?
• 1:17:29
  I have a fun one and I've kind of a not tragic one.
• 1:17:32
  Nobody was permanently injured,
• 1:17:34
  but the funny one was one night at like four in the morning.
• 1:17:37
  I was standing outside of a casino on the boardwalk smoking a
• 1:17:42
  cigarette and we have these like, like rickshaw's like they're
• 1:17:45
  like little pushcards that you get it.
• 1:17:47
  You pay somebody and they'll push you down the boardwalk to
• 1:17:49
  another seriously.
• 1:17:51
  We have those.
• 1:17:53
  We have pedicabs, which are not pedophile cabs.
• 1:17:57
  They're like bicycle cabs and they'll drag you around, but we
• 1:18:01
  don't have.
• 1:18:02
  I want somebody to push me.
• 1:18:03
  So, so one of the, one of the rickshaw guys is standing
• 1:18:06
  out there and I'm just having a conversation with them and he
• 1:18:09
  offers me homemade beef jerky.
• 1:18:12
  I was four in the morning.
• 1:18:13
  So I've had some drinks and I said, hell yeah, absolutely.
• 1:18:16
  I will absolutely try a strangers unidentified dried meats and it
• 1:18:22
  was the best piece of beef jerky I've had to date.
• 1:18:25
  Excellent.
• 1:18:26
  Whoa, cool.
• 1:18:27
  And then the slightly tragic one was I was out for like just an
• 1:18:32
  Atlantic City night with friends that I worked.
• 1:18:35
  I worked at a restaurant at the time.
• 1:18:37
  And so we went out and one of our friends got blackout drunk, joined
• 1:18:42
  a poker tournament.
• 1:18:43
  Like we lost him.
• 1:18:44
  He called us like hours later.
• 1:18:46
  We had gone to a nearby bar and he's like, I won $1,500 and we're
• 1:18:50
  like, awesome.
• 1:18:51
  We're at this bar.
• 1:18:52
  Just come on through.
• 1:18:53
  He shows up 45 minutes later scuffed up and we were like, what
• 1:18:58
  happened to you?
• 1:18:59
  He's like, I took the wrong way here and got beat up and my $1,500
• 1:19:04
  and cash stolen from me.
• 1:19:06
  I was like, I'll buy you a drink.
• 1:19:09
  I don't know what to say to that.
• 1:19:13
  Didn't get stabbed.
• 1:19:14
  Nope.
• 1:19:15
  That's good.
• 1:19:16
  That's fair.
• 1:19:17
  That's Atlantic City, baby.
• 1:19:19
  I don't know, Peter, you can cut this one up for you're actually
• 1:19:23
  going to use this, but I'm pitching a YouTube cooking channel called
• 1:19:26
  Cooking with Diesel.
• 1:19:27
  It's all about food inspired by Vin Diesel movies.
• 1:19:31
  That's fantastic.
• 1:19:33
  I'm stealing that.
• 1:19:34
  So sorry.
• 1:19:35
  It's just going to, it's just me drinking Corona saying family.
• 1:19:42
  Yeah.
• 1:19:43
  I'm going to be there for your entire 101 episode run.
• 1:19:49
  For good family.
• 1:19:50
  Oh, you can't curse.
• 1:19:51
  Just family.
• 1:19:52
  That's right.
• 1:19:53
  Yeah.
• 1:19:54
  Family.
• 1:19:55
  If that does get off the ground, please link me when you get to the
• 1:19:59
  Chronicles of Riddick episodes.
• 1:20:01
  We're going to make some good, weird food from that one.
• 1:20:04
  Cause my thing was the pitch black ones, like one of those things where
• 1:20:08
  it's like, you know, eating in the dark.
• 1:20:10
  Yeah, right.
• 1:20:11
  It'll be one of those sensory experiences.
• 1:20:13
  Oh my goodness.
• 1:20:14
  And it's all just crickets.
• 1:20:16
  Mix not allowed on set.
• 1:20:17
  Come on.
• 1:20:18
  No, let me feed you.
• 1:20:19
  I'll feed you like a baby.
• 1:20:21
  It's going to be toes every time.
• 1:20:23
  It's just always toes.
• 1:20:25
  It's just always toes.